She’s Not Here

She’s Not Here

NAVY CLUB of the United State of America MILITARY EXCELLENCE Award “Presented to the graduating recruit who best exemplifies the qualities of enthusiasm, devotion to duty, military appearance and behavior, self-discipline and teamwork.” This was the highest honor any recruit could be awarded. I won that sucker in ‘85. Before I went to Boot Camp, … Continue reading

This is Reeely Really REALLY Long. If You Slog Through It, I’ll Send You A Hot Check For Ten Thousand Bucks. Right Before I Skip Town.

This is Reeely Really REALLY Long. If You Slog Through It, I’ll Send You A Hot Check For Ten Thousand Bucks. Right Before I Skip Town.

Dear Readers,

This is a “HOT MESS” collection of some recent and some not-so-recent ‘normal’ comments and ‘vomit comments’ and some other weird shit that spills from my mind from time to time.

I’m Sorry. Continue reading

Expanded–Slightly: “Women Fascinate Me! Women! I Know. I Know!” I KNOW I Have “Issues” So what? At Least I’m Not An Axe-Murderer–I Just Love Women–Not Ashamed To Admit It.

Expanded–Slightly: “Women Fascinate Me! Women! I Know. I Know!” I KNOW I Have “Issues” So what? At Least I’m Not An Axe-Murderer–I Just Love Women–Not Ashamed To Admit It.

Anyhow, I write about women. I write about women, and my relationships with women, because I love women. Most of them don’t love me, but none of them (them ‘wimmens’) can ever say they were ever bored with me… Continue reading

Profanity WARNING! “Danger Will Robinson!”   WHY LANCE??  Why???  Why Re-Post? Because I’m An Asshole–That’s Why. (And this One Has Mo’ Better & More Videos In It)

Profanity WARNING! “Danger Will Robinson!” WHY LANCE?? Why??? Why Re-Post? Because I’m An Asshole–That’s Why. (And this One Has Mo’ Better & More Videos In It)

I just recently got back in touch with my “Inner-Blondie” Eighties, and recalled this stupid post.
So, what to do?
Repost it.
Bitch
And never, ever, look for logic here. Go somewhere else.
Continue reading

Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’ And Yes. I Have Been To Germany.

Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’ And Yes. I Have Been To Germany.

Magsaysay Boulevard was a little more frenetic than usual for a hot, humid sunny day.
Continue reading

“Girl Walks Into A Bar…” (Yeah! I am Re-Posting Old Up-Beat Shit Becuz I am Trying To Re-Enter–Re-Find–Re-Wind–Re-Visit My ‘Happy-Place’)

“Girl Walks Into A Bar…” (Yeah! I am Re-Posting Old Up-Beat Shit Becuz I am Trying To Re-Enter–Re-Find–Re-Wind–Re-Visit My ‘Happy-Place’)

I just had to have some chat with her.
And By God, I would.
Or die.
I became useless for the rest of the evening.
Continue reading

More Regurgitated Patriot Shite: Pls  Re-visit.  I Put A Lot of Thoughtful Thought Into This!—-“Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific…”

More Regurgitated Patriot Shite: Pls Re-visit. I Put A Lot of Thoughtful Thought Into This!—-“Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific…”

Dateline: 1989 Subic Bay Naval Base / Olongapo City, Philippines 1600hrs

“Knock Off Ship’s Work! Liberty Call! Liberty Call!” reverberated from the 1MC onboard the USS Frederick, LST 1184.

Simultaneously about a hundred sailors went into Fred Flintstone Mode:

“Yabba Dabba Dooo!!” Continue reading

This Ain’t The  Post I Desired To Share. Caint Find The One I Wanted—Screw It! Kinda / Sorta Related To Some of My Recent Posts / About Texan Wimmens / Or Not. Fu*k it! I Do Not Care–Read It If’n Ya Want–Or Not.

This Ain’t The Post I Desired To Share. Caint Find The One I Wanted—Screw It! Kinda / Sorta Related To Some of My Recent Posts / About Texan Wimmens / Or Not. Fu*k it! I Do Not Care–Read It If’n Ya Want–Or Not.

I Love Felines Continue reading

“Let’s Get Some Shit Straight Around Here” MUST, SIMPLY MUST RE-POST Becuz I Love The Man! He Has Given Me Too Many Laugh Out Loud Moments–Than I Can Re-Count Count.. “Braum’s Vern. Braum’s. Know what I mean?”

“Let’s Get Some Shit Straight Around Here” MUST, SIMPLY MUST RE-POST Becuz I Love The Man! He Has Given Me Too Many Laugh Out Loud Moments–Than I Can Re-Count Count.. “Braum’s Vern. Braum’s. Know what I mean?”

A SHAKAKESPEAN TRAINED ACTOR.
READ IT HERE
BELIEVE IT
OR
NOT! Continue reading

Profane Profanity!–I Employ Far Too Much… King Lear–It’s All About Madness–A Subject I Know Far Too Well. (With Special Guest Star: Cordelia) “Mend Your Speech a Little”

Profane Profanity!–I Employ Far Too Much… King Lear–It’s All About Madness–A Subject I Know Far Too Well. (With Special Guest Star: Cordelia) “Mend Your Speech a Little”

I use a lot.
A lot of Profanity
What can I say?
I am a Texan / Sailor
Or a Sailor / Texan.
‘Tis my nature.
Never mean to offend. Continue reading

In Keeping With My ‘Courtney Theme’: I Am In Love With Love: Courtney Variety. “It is with no small bit of Trepidation…”

In Keeping With My ‘Courtney Theme’: I Am In Love With Love: Courtney Variety. “It is with no small bit of Trepidation…”

Courtney! Continue reading

I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake. Continue reading

Lance Needs To Go To Mars. “Did I Actually Write This  Shite? I Need to be taken out back and shot. In The Head. Five Times.  “Linda & Lance Go To Mars” Great Vicarious Vacation… Destination

Lance Needs To Go To Mars. “Did I Actually Write This Shite? I Need to be taken out back and shot. In The Head. Five Times. “Linda & Lance Go To Mars” Great Vicarious Vacation… Destination

Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:
No. Fuk this. The reason had a short hapless half-life. Continue reading

“Gawd I Feel Like Hell Tonight” (Pity-Party On Steroids) “I Miss her So Much. Believe or Don’t: All My Words Come Main-Lined– Straight Out of My Heart–No Varnish Ever Applied Here.

“Gawd I Feel Like Hell Tonight” (Pity-Party On Steroids) “I Miss her So Much. Believe or Don’t: All My Words Come Main-Lined– Straight Out of My Heart–No Varnish Ever Applied Here.

“Gawd I Feel Like Hell Tonight” Continue reading

Long & Convoluted–Just Plain Stupid–iF THIS Post Is In-Co=Her EnTrent. Outta – Whack & Synk  & Outta Ink, Makes No Sense–Please Forgive Me Mine–Mind Mind Is Blown!–Yeah, There’s That To Deal.

Long & Convoluted–Just Plain Stupid–iF THIS Post Is In-Co=Her EnTrent. Outta – Whack & Synk & Outta Ink, Makes No Sense–Please Forgive Me Mine–Mind Mind Is Blown!–Yeah, There’s That To Deal.

I Need to Get OVER THIS
Somehow! Continue reading

I LOVE This Canadian Broad!–The Brilliance & Sagacious-Ness & Just Pure D Funniness That is Julie Nolke! I Love Her More Than CASH Money! And That’s Sayin’ A-Lot—Y’all Know How I Love Cash-Money.

I LOVE This Canadian Broad!–The Brilliance & Sagacious-Ness & Just Pure D Funniness That is Julie Nolke! I Love Her More Than CASH Money! And That’s Sayin’ A-Lot—Y’all Know How I Love Cash-Money.

Watch Julie
You won’t regret your time spent.
I promise.
No Shit! Continue reading

Please RE-Visit… See-Food-Plate–S’il Vous Plaît…  “Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Duh (Trite? Je Sais. Oh-Kay? Best I Could Muster–Givin’ Such Short Notice)

Please RE-Visit… See-Food-Plate–S’il Vous Plaît… “Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Duh (Trite? Je Sais. Oh-Kay? Best I Could Muster–Givin’ Such Short Notice)

“This Show Is Gonna Be A Sexy Show–

You’re Just Gonna Havta Deal With it.” Continue reading

Sharm–Not Too Much Harm. “Random Memories from The Middle East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh”

Sharm–Not Too Much Harm. “Random Memories from The Middle East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh”

I sped off still heading south. I observed her fade fast in my rear-view mirror, Continue reading

Rot Row–Yet Another Shit-Re-Post “More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai”

Rot Row–Yet Another Shit-Re-Post “More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai”

The IDF soldier navigated down the hill as Janet got ‘properly’ dressed inside our tent to greet our visitor. Continue reading

I Kinda LOVE This Post–Not Sure Why—Memories, I Suppose—Happier Times. Up-Dated (Can’t Take ‘The Nav’ Outta The Boy) “Don’t RUST On My Parade”

I Kinda LOVE This Post–Not Sure Why—Memories, I Suppose—Happier Times. Up-Dated (Can’t Take ‘The Nav’ Outta The Boy) “Don’t RUST On My Parade”

“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!”
I had to  admit. Yes they were. Continue reading

I Cannot Write For Shite. I Maul & Paw At The Writing Lessons I was /Proposed Suppos’d to Learn While At University! To WRITE! Learn HoW To WRITE. I’d Edit This, But Guess What? WordPess!I am s Piss’d Right About Now at WP–

I Cannot Write For Shite. I Maul & Paw At The Writing Lessons I was /Proposed Suppos’d to Learn While At University! To WRITE! Learn HoW To WRITE. I’d Edit This, But Guess What? WordPess!I am s Piss’d Right About Now at WP–

What Do You D0 With A Drunken Sailor? Shoot him In The Head Thrice Thrice What Else is New New? Ukrain is So fucked–But they keep on Hangin’ on Cred: 0:40 / 4:05 Kim Wilde  I Am So …. fuk it! I Think My Comp Drank Too Much Love Potion #9 Caught The Wu-Flu I’m Gonna ‘Publish … Continue reading

This is Just Too Good: If You Love Shakespeare, As Do I, That Is. If Not, Fry Your Mind Exploring Dostoevsky. And Good Luck In That Endeavor. (Helpful Hint: Vodka is Requisite)

This is Just Too Good: If You Love Shakespeare, As Do I, That Is. If Not, Fry Your Mind Exploring Dostoevsky. And Good Luck In That Endeavor. (Helpful Hint: Vodka is Requisite)

This too (not so much about women) Not my painful, plainful verbiage, but … Derek What a modern science actor! (And a really swell guy) “Lance, there you go again…” “Sorry! On with the show!” “Oh for a muse…of fire!” **************** I love Shakespeare. I love words. I love the simple fact that the only … Continue reading

HANK SANK (Cinq)

HANK SANK (Cinq)

But… Emma…. Rocks My World! I generally write only about women. This time I made (half) an exception. One more silly Facefuk post: “The below ‘Independence Day’ speech was lifted right out of ‘Henry V’ (Or ‘Hank Cinq’—as I like to call it) Saint Crispin’s Day: The Battle of Agincourt Watch Le Both (If you … Continue reading

Did I Re-Re-Reely Repost This Already?–Screw It! I’mma Bored!—“Last I heard You were a drunkard’s drunkard”—-“Never When I’m Working”–Shakespeare In Love: Nurse

Did I Re-Re-Reely Repost This Already?–Screw It! I’mma Bored!—“Last I heard You were a drunkard’s drunkard”—-“Never When I’m Working”–Shakespeare In Love: Nurse

“Pygmalion-Like I Created Her & Then Fell In Love With Her” And it has occurred at me: I never ‘gave’ her a Proper Name. I am gonna go with ‘Katherine.’ Works for me (And Hopefully, Her) I was at my computer, banging out my latest travesty of prose. As Was instructed/demanded by MS Muse. Finished … Continue reading

Forget It: I Need To Die Soon–I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….

Forget It: I Need To Die Soon–I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….

Shite–My Mind Is Insane
Continue reading

Yep. My Mind Has Gone Awry:  Into That ‘Null-an’ Void Territory’–The Black Hole ‘Land Of  The Time Sink’– “Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE”

Yep. My Mind Has Gone Awry: Into That ‘Null-an’ Void Territory’–The Black Hole ‘Land Of The Time Sink’– “Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE”

Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’ Fuck it! But it is a light-hearted Shit Post Continue reading

I Have Forever Been A Klutz–Perpetually So—Colliding With Stuff. (In My Little ‘Mouse-House’) And, NO! I Ain’t As Smart As I Think I Are.

I Have Forever Been A Klutz–Perpetually So—Colliding With Stuff. (In My Little ‘Mouse-House’) And, NO! I Ain’t As Smart As I Think I Are.

I cannot seem walk Across My Little Apartment Room Without Running Into At “Least Two Or Three Immovable Objects Continue reading

Southpark Survivor Chapter Three: Under The Boardwalk: An Old Email I Once Sent to A Woman

Southpark Survivor Chapter Three: Under The Boardwalk: An Old Email I Once Sent to A Woman

Waiting on the bus and the Gomer to take us to the Badging Office. This time of day Afghanistan is pleasant—not hot—cool in fact. Continue reading

I May Be Drunk. Sorry If This Post Is All Fukked Up. I May Fix It Later, But Do Not Set Yer Watch…  Kinda, Sorta, Maybe, Updated, Expanded, Or Not….More Janis! (Native Texan Gal!) “I Got Dem Ol’ Time Turtle Blues Again Mama!” (Apologies to Janis Joplin)

I May Be Drunk. Sorry If This Post Is All Fukked Up. I May Fix It Later, But Do Not Set Yer Watch… Kinda, Sorta, Maybe, Updated, Expanded, Or Not….More Janis! (Native Texan Gal!) “I Got Dem Ol’ Time Turtle Blues Again Mama!” (Apologies to Janis Joplin)

My mother was probably
“The Original Hippy Chick.”
When Haight-Asbury was in full bloom, she would not shut up about it until we went there.
I knew a little of the ‘Hippy Culture’ back then, yet had no desire to experience it ‘up close an’ personal.’ Mom did.
Continue reading

For Mother’s Day. I Have a Better Post About Her, But I Cannot Find it–Give Me Some Time

For Mother’s Day. I Have a Better Post About Her, But I Cannot Find it–Give Me Some Time

All the houses on Bruning Street were brand new. And they were all alike. But their alikeness did not dampen my spirits, especially since mom and I had left the moldy old garage apartment across town. I had finally escaped that place and the Ghost of that Murdered Turkey. Continue reading

Re-Re-Re-Post. So Whut of it? I’m Drunk. Deal With It. “Charley The Cougar.”

Re-Re-Re-Post. So Whut of it? I’m Drunk. Deal With It. “Charley The Cougar.”

I Think I’m Done With Lake Charles–For-Fukkin’ Ever–Good Riddance! Continue reading