River? I live next door to The Mighty Mississippi… Mark Twain got nada on me. I keep posting this, just because. Just because… joni…. I posted this on FaceBork… it will not copy here. No matter. I recreate it here. It’s kinda a Joni M kinda day  Oh! And there was some commentary…provided by me: … Continue reading


My vain fantasy. I spent some years (and beers) floating about in the Indian Ocean. And I floated about in the Sinai Peninsula, and I floated about in the Iraqi shit storm. Suffice to say: I have floated. A bout During all of that floating, there were two constants: I had a woman waiting for me. … Continue reading

Continuation of ‘On The Street Where I Lived’

Originally posted on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics:
This is essentially Part Two of an earlier post: On The Street Where I Lived **** Ricky Martinez and I were pyromaniacs. Okay, that may be an overstatement, but we did love burning shit and building fires, albeit small ones. During the Sixties on Bruning Street every back…

My Friend Jimmy

Originally posted on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics:
Since I am in “Peanut Mode” tonight, I thought I would post this excerpt from a very ‘early-in-my-blogging days’ post regarding same, in the vain hope some would read the bits in their entirety: Sharking, Campin’, Bow-Fishin’. Seems to me we sometimes realize far too late the true…

Obscenity, Vulgarity, Dirty Words, and Toilets

Originally posted on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics:
“He cusses like a sailor.” Lance is a sailor, ergo Lance cusses (in writing and in speech) Lenny was a sailor, ergo Lenny cussed. Please take a listen to Lenny’s take on ‘dirty words.’            More Lenny Here:  https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Tel Aviv

If you scroll down in this post, you will see a photo of a pub I often frequented In TA. This is the same one (I’m pretty certain) that just had the tragedy. https://texantales.com/2014/02/23/ta-it-doesnt-always-necessarily-mean-tits-an-ass/ I hate haters. Cheers to y’all. (And Shalom to the rest of you) Maybe John Lennon was right: “Give Peace a … Continue reading

Originally posted on happierheathen:
Taking a few minutes at this celebrated time of year to reflect upon family and what it means to be a part of one, I can’t help but appreciate one very simple fact: I ain’t so bad for being the result of two crazy people fucking. ? ?

Now, I always appreciate a good quote

So, I am going to share with you a priceless gem I just had spoken  poured into my  much maligned ear. (Much like in Hamlet when that pestilence was poured into Old Hamlets ear–Here is a link for that: Oh Horrible!) https://texantales.com/2015/12/30/oh-horrible-2/ Anyway, Gentle Reader, the quote I just had poured into my ear: “Lance, … Continue reading

Oh Horrible

Now my own Mother will not accept my telephone calls. “Oh Horrible” If she must teem, Create her child of spleen, that it may live And be a thwart disnatur’d torment to her! Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth, With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks, Turn all her mother’s pains … Continue reading

Why We Blog

Why do we blog? Because we can. I blog shit because I can. You blog shit because you can. I was blooded recently. Hell! I have been to Iraq. I have been blooded before. No matter. I still blogged. Why? Because I can. I love all bloggers.  

Famous Historical Cock Suckers

Originally posted on The Arm Chair Pontificator:
Vacuum Lips City, California.  We’ve all done it. You know, called someone a cock sucker regardless of whether or not we knew they actually were one. Well, I’ve discovered, through intensive meditation and shameless alcohol consumption, that humans have been referring to one another as cock suckers for…

I Cannot read, (but, I write)

“Alien” has been on my mind. https://texantales.com/2015/12/26/screenplays-alien-explore-the-genesis/ Not sure why. And Peanut has been on my mind https://texantales.com/2014/08/09/pap-huk-peanut-delirium-tremens-and-lance/ (Not sure why) Writing has been on my mind: Not sure why… https://texantales.com/2014/08/30/hey-im-writing-here-once-again/   I suppose… I am a cock-eyed optimist: https://texantales.com/2014/03/11/part-three-of-a-sailors-scholarly-series-on-u-s-naval-history-in-the-south-pacific/

Energy Crisis Revisit, Or if You Will: “Gas Lines Redux From the Seventies”

Originally posted on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics:
Or, if you will: “The timing’s all wrong.” Last Chance… Texico A RePost Why? ‘Cause I love Rickie Lee Jones. That is why, oh, and yeah!  Because, to quote one long lost Texan Oilman: “Please Lord! Just gimme one more oil boom; I do promise I won’t fuck…

Christmas? (Kinda New)

Through no fault of my own I recently swerved into http://www.pressherald.com/2015/12/20/how-a-melancholy-joni-mitchell-song-became-a-christmas-classic/ one of the few Christmas songs I actually like, and it is not even a ‘Christmas Song’ (according to Joni) “I’m gonna make a lot of money and quit this crazy scene.” Here: Video credit to sherrylynn70 And of course, as is my wont, I … Continue reading

Donald Trump (Ahem)

The Greatest Reality Show On Earth I just might vote TRUMP. Why not? (And what’s wrong with Big Hair anyhow?! Even I, your humble servant, used to have Big Hair–Then I learned to read.) I mean, honestly, The Prez really don’t have power anymore, c’mon People! Sampson hair notwithstanding. Don’t believe me? Ask Obama. Or… Take … Continue reading

TA: It Doesn’t Always Necessarily Mean Tits an’ Ass

Originally posted on Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics:
Arrived Tel Aviv one afternoon Late ‘78. Soon to be Stoned, Dazed, and Confused and somewhat abused. One of my fellow SFM drivers, Perry, a good bud of mine, had convoyed with me into TA. Each of us driving deuce and a’halfs and at dangerous speeds. We checked…

I’m The Reason God Made Oklahoma

When I was fourteen or fifteen and living in NE Texas, ‘Famine’ County to be more precise, I used to frequently cross the border. Not Mesico. No, Oklahoma. Yep. Go figger. You see, back-in-the-day (Early Seventies), the drinking age got lowered to 18, mainly because it just was not fitting for a boy to go … Continue reading