Dateline: 24 OCT 2020 Time: 0020 hours. Some knocking at my back door. “Who is it?” I said. “It’s your Muse. Open the damn door.” I open the ‘damn’ door and sure as shit there she stood, looking as radiant as ever. “Did you get a tan? Looks like you got a tan. It’s a … Continue reading
There are so many reasons today to rejoice. We are living in wonderful, vibrant times. Ponder this: you can communicate with anyone in the world with just a mouse click or a keyboard strike. Could anyone have imagined this just a decade or so ago? The opportunities we have today! It blows my mind (what … Continue reading
“EBP?” This means “Eye-Ball Problem.” Generally a statement hurled from a black woman at someone who is staring at her. I love strong black women (Hell! I don’t think I have ever met a weak black woman–they just do not exist.) Anyway… Here is my “EBP” story. It is very ‘light,’ so don’t get excited. … Continue reading
If Jenna was the ‘air-brushed’ perfection, professional beautiful angel, then it follows… yin and yang: Callen was the unkempt, unsteady, unreliable, super lazy blonde stoner / juicer who did not give a fuck. Half the times she showed up for work she was slightly stoned, or drunk, or a combination of the two. And … Continue reading
First “Indigo Girl”: JENNA My First night working at Hotel Indigo. Jenna, (Night ‘Auditor’—manager) asked me: “Do you like music?” “Of course. I love music,” I replied. “Look at this video,” she said as she came over to me with her cell phone locked and loaded. “OK” I watched some dude singing and playing guitar … Continue reading
I realize this is brief, but I am still awaiting the return from Waco of my muse, so, as I wait, I thought I would ‘tease’ this bit a mite. (Ever try to ‘tease’ a mite?) Almost an effort in futility Nevermind… OK, first ‘shift’ at Hotel Indigo (2200hrs to 0600hrs) I arrived twenty minutes … Continue reading
Perhaps I’ll edit this later. Perhaps not. This sums up how I am feeling right now. ************** Saigon… shit; I’m still only in Saigon… Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I’d wake up and there’d be nothing. I … Continue reading
A page from my Misfit Notebook while at UBH. (Note to self: “Self, you need to continue your UBH Saga.”) “Okay. I’m on it.” For anyone wondering why we had ‘homemade’ pens: They gave us only the innards–they didn’t want us trying to commit suicide with the plastic parts. So we improvised. Too Heavy?
An hour or two before I was scheduled to depart UBH, Brenda, the Ornamental Chinese Psychiatrist began a group session. She was carrying a rather large over inflated white beach ball with words scribbled all over it: Statements, questions, ponderings, et cetera. “Hello everyone, ready for a new session?” She cheerfully greeted all at Our … Continue reading
Sal (Hispanic Marine) Gift of Gab and Excellent Sense of Humor “Sadder than a Midget with a Yo-yo.” His quote. Not mine. Lydia (Old and Gray and Grizzled Broad—but wonderful) Michael (Big dude. ‘Bout thirty stone.) We called him “Pete”—not sure why Christine (Bat – shit crazy. And obnoxious. And a bitch–but just for one … Continue reading
I met a young broken woman while at Rehab. (Hell! We were all ‘broken.’ Otherwise how the fuck did WE ALL END UP IN THIS PLACE??) Let us call her name, “Kelsey” (Because that was probably her name) Once while KNEE deep in some dark philosophical discussion she looked me dead in my eye and … Continue reading
Religion. Specifically: Southern Religion More specifically: Texan Religion. I am talking Methodists, Baptists, Church of Chist(ers)—the Entire Gamut of The Faithful. I love all of Y’all. No secret: “Lance is an Atheist.” (This is well-documented.) However, I do love AND RESPECT All Folks of Faith. I just do not roll that way. Cannot. But I … Continue reading
Dear Facebook Friends: (Rot-row—here we go again) “Dear FB Friends,” I begin again. I ‘use’ FB to flesh out new ideas for new posts. Most never come to fruition and most of my FB posts no one ever reads. Doesn’t matter. I write them. Mostly for me. Writing is generally an exercise in futility (or … Continue reading
I love becoming Sixty-Three. I have reached that stage of life whereby I can say what-ever-the-fuck I want to say. No Consequenes. No Reprecussions. No Nada. (You got some ‘Nada?’—bring it!) What the hell anyone gonna do to me that has not already been attempted? I give zero fucks what anyone thinks of me. This … Continue reading
I Recently Posted this on Facebook (not sure why) ****** “To All My Facebook Friends: I love to ‘share’ stuff. (This is the ‘primary purpose’ of FB as I understand it) Some of the things I ‘share’ are good. Some other things not so much. But I share anyway. Why? Because I can Because I … Continue reading
(Vid Credit: Shea) “Yes, I do!” “I write; therefore I am” –Bastardize quote from Rene Descartes. Pounding out shit, day after day is sometimes difficult, but when it ‘flows,’ it is fucking magical. And worth all the agony. I love it! I love it when it ‘works.’ I despise myself when it doesn’t. But I … Continue reading
I am struggling. Failing. Flailing. Just another dead fish. Going with the flow. Looking for distraction. Abstract things to fill my mind. And take me to some happier places. Mostly Movies But also music. But the booze trumps all distractions. And makes cowards of us all. Such an evil mistress. She gives and She takes. … Continue reading
Back in some day. Back in “The Day” Right After I “Rocked Out” of BUD/s—SEAL training, I found me on the USSSS Useless Calaghan, DDG 994. Having nothing better to do, I would take the bus from 32’nd Street Naval Base to Downtown San Dog. Not much there. ‘Cept Titty-Bars. I embraced them Met a … Continue reading
There is not a way I am gonna try to explain everything that is ‘going on’ in this photograph. Suffice to say, it is just my attempt to ‘photo-document’ the gnats what are trying to steal my wine. Yes, I realize they won’t drink much, but damnit! They can buy their own wine. And I … Continue reading
“Near the front lines he’d been found A mine blew his jeep into a twisted heap And I still hear the sound Of the wheel that kept spinnin’ ’round.” ***** For some bizarre reason, this song reminds me of my first wife, Janet. I suppose it is because she was in the U.S. Army Reserve … Continue reading
There is a very rare and narrow window into my world. Let us call it the ‘Sobriety Window.” For lack of a term. Sometimes, I attempt to thrust me out of that window. Sometimes I just ignore it Sometimes, I actually make it outside. Into the ‘Real World.’ Then I panic! Try to get back … Continue reading
“You don’t know what I fear.” (How could you???) MY “Hood:” Immediately after I was delivered to my front porch from UBH, I boarded my little Chariot and went to the Beer Store. I did NOT fall off the wagon. I jumped. Then, Just for fun, I called in an air-strike to finish her off. … Continue reading
But, I am having THAT TIME OF MY LIFE! My life has taken a turn toward the bizarre. Recent memory (of which I have not so much) Recent memory teaches me my life may be falling apart. But then… I look at my prolific writing of late. And I smile a ‘knowing‘ smile while regarding … Continue reading
“Knock! Knock! Knock!” upon my door this morning. “Who’s there?” “Maintenance.” Rot-Row. “What did I fuck up?” Were the first thoughts in my head. I opened the door. Full-Sleeve’d Tatoo’d young HVAC Guy standing there. “I’m here to clean your A/C.” “Well, come on in. Sorry for the disarray; I am still moving in.” (After … Continue reading
Leaf Lady was seriously raking leaves in the midst of a thirty-knot wind across the street from my house. Every time she managed to accumulate a pile the wind would sweep them away. (Leaf Lady looks almost exactly like ‘Granny’ from the Beverly Hillbillies–and probably about the same age) “Goddamn Mother-Fuck!” she would scream as … Continue reading
I think I gots ‘Cabin Fever.’ “This mornin,’ I shot six holes in my freezer; I think I got cabin fever. Somebody sound the alarm!” Visualize me trying to explain all the nuance of this to Commerce’s Finest…. “Well, you see, Officer… there was this woman… And ReHab, and… That Fridge… was Antifa…” “Assume the … Continue reading
Black Hair Black Eyes Bright Smile Great Thighs Wily Words From Her Mouth Gave No Pause Left No Doubt Words Delivered With Such Charm Better Watch Out You’ll Be Disarmed Your Walls Came Crashing Down Your Weapons On The Ground She Was Standing There (Laughing At My Folly) Laughing Everywhere You May As Well Surrender … Continue reading
So, after the ‘checking in’ process was sorted, I was led into the ‘Community Room’ and parked there. “Wait! Where is the help I was promised?” “The doctor will be about shortly” “Okay. I’ll wait.” I sat down in the corner and observed the people—my fellow in-mates. The whole group seemed to be rather lethargic. … Continue reading
Arrived 1822 hrs. Delivered there by two very attractive young Hunt County EMT’s. They were almost twins, in their young innocent female forms. I was ‘in love.’ Alas, could not last. The Ambulance Ride had been extremely bumpy, long and loud, and un-comfy. I was strapped to a gurney and could not maneuver my butt … Continue reading
I returned to my keyboard and typed: “Dear Helen, I am so very sorry.” Announced to Muse: “Okay. Done.” She came over, read what I had written. “That’s it?” “Yeah. Succinct. Perfection.” She grasped me by my hand… “Come sit down with me on the Nasty Couch for a moment.” “Uh… Okay.” “Lance, I am … Continue reading
I sat down and starting writing. Muse was over my shoulder, massaging my hurting neck. “What are you doing?” I asked. “My Job, Musing.” “Knock it off! I am trying to work here.” “Jesus! Relax.” “Why don’t you sit down? I don’t need a spider looking over my shoulder.” She looked a bit hurt and … Continue reading
‘WAKE UP!” “Whaaaa?” “Wake the fuck UP!” “Who are you?” “Your Muse.” “Oh, I thought You That Delirium Tremens Monster.” “No. He will be around later. Right now you have me.” “Okay. Something on your mind?” “Yes. You need to get up and write.” “I am sleepy.” “Time enough to sleep when you’re dead.” “Really? … Continue reading
For Weeks I could not Sleep. Now All I want to do is Sleep. I am going to check out for a while. And WRITE. Do not be concerned. You may or may not hear from me for awhile. Or ever again. Please do NOT become a ‘Good Samaritan’ and call 911. Or email me. … Continue reading
Back in 1974 I found myself at Warrior Stadium, Watching the HG Warriors kick the ever’ loving shit outta those Fannindale (dale?, del?) Ladonia! I was born in that town, ’57! Guess I can call their football team what-ever-the-fuck I want… Falcons. I should have been on the field, but I had opted out my … Continue reading
This is the end of my “Escape From Memphis” Saga. I am done. Done with it. Finished. Caput I am managing my disease. Poorly. But, I am still breathing. Ran outta booze at zero-four this morning. I shoulda planned ahead. Today was Sunday. No relief until Noon. (Texas!) What to do? Pace back and forth … Continue reading
I have very few friends. But the ones I have are ‘keepers.’ I love them. They, of late, are ‘concerned’ about my Mental state. “Doan worry,” I assure them. “I am in a good place.” “Ya sure?” They always ask. “Yep. I am certain, anything else on your mind, or did you just call to … Continue reading
“The days drift by They don’t have names None of the streets here look the same And there’re so many quiet places And smilin’ eyes match the smilin’ faces” –Jim Buffett So here I am. “What now, Cowboy?” “Dunno.” I am ‘managing’ my disease. I suppose this is a ‘plus.’ A ‘good’ thing. Okay, there … Continue reading
Some many minutes (hours?) later a Brand New Pretty Female Doctor arrived to wake me. I really was feigning sleep. She introduced her lovely self. “I am Doctor So-and-So and I am day shift. How are you, Mister Marcom?” “Passing fair,” I said. “We have all the arrangements made for you to go to Garland … Continue reading
Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest: “How long have you been drinking?” “All my life,” I said. “No, I mean recently.” “Oh, ‘bout forty days and forty nights.” (No chuckle; guess she was gonna be all business from this point.) “Do you feel like hurting yourself? She asked. “Pretty certain that is … Continue reading
The ‘Taker of Vital Signs’ guy came in.
Hooked me up to all the usual suspects.
Then Vampira came in, needled me and stole some blood. Continue reading
Unjust Words. My sins follow me. Wherever I go.
Sometime near to eight pm last night the Delirium Tremens monster woke up. Continue reading
Took Me A Day And A Half,
But I have finally finished watching
“The Dresser” (for the 20th time)
(I don’t like to rush things) Continue reading
I can always delete it later. Continue reading
Perhaps I will re-visit and edit it later. Or not. At this late point, don’t matter none. “What-the-fuck ever Lance.” “Get on wid it’ (best Peanut Quote I could muster) For Fuck sake!” “Okay! Okay! Relax!” (‘You do realize I am mentally impaired?”) “Never noticed.” “Okay, may we move on? I have a very brief … Continue reading
May we discuss ‘redemption?’
Of course we can. Continue reading
You realize shit done got real when you have to hang onto the sink to steady yourself Continue reading
II thought the world
fucked on August 08, 2014.
Little did I know… Continue reading
This is just a comical interlude of how I feel. Continue reading
I am living in The Lion’s Den.
(Not unlike Daniel)
Yeah, I just doxx’d myself. Continue reading
Just A Preparatory Warm up to get me warmed up to begin my Deep Dive into ‘Phases and Stages.” Continue reading
I’d like to teach Y’all something about alcoholics.
We are not stupid Drunks. Continue reading
I do believe I have misplaced mine. Continue reading
With no great humility, I make the following profound statement:
“I have never been happier in recent/decent remote past memory” Continue reading
So they put me on a stretcher and schlepped me out of the Hotel Magnuson. Continue reading
But writing, not unlike life, is not linear.
Madness is NOT a communicable disease. As is WuFlu, or Mumps, or Measles, or even AIDs. No! Madness is just genetic. (I am hoping) And therefore, may be cured. Vain fantasy. Who am I kidding? Madness is inescapable. It cuts to the quick. To the core. It is ALWAYS with… You. For fucking ever. No … Continue reading
So I have been ‘reviewing’ my recent posts on Socialist Media. Continue reading
So I woke up the next day, around the crack of noon.
Alcoholics to not suffer hangovers. Continue reading
Love has no pride
He was just a dog. Continue reading
“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!”
I had to admit. Yes they were. Continue reading
And all the house lights left up bright. Happy New Year. “I’m gonna blow this damn candle out.” “Holidays are hard on some guys.” (I stole that line from a favorite movie of mine, loosely based on a wonderful play by some guy: “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” which I first saw in the Sinai, … Continue reading
Tomorrow I embrace my Sixty-Third Year. So what? I find me asking me of late: “So… Lance, what have you done?” Vid Credit: johnlennon And ‘somewhat’ related: And…Talia Shire Will never, ever look so good. Again. (That Beret! That Beret! Cabaret!) And of course, not without saying… Joel Grey. And Liza… And Michael York. And… … Continue reading
(“It seems such a waste of time.”) I really *like* this post. (guess I have no choice) Some of Y’all may have seen this one coming. Some also may have discerned one salient fact point of my perception of myself: ‘I think I am bulletproof.’ *insert BUD/s here* Hell! I have always lived my life … Continue reading
When I go to a post and find a video, or a song, I always watch/listen, simply because I assume the author put it there for a reason. I take the time. I am distraught today “Why?” Because of… News… I am watching CNN, Al Jazeera, even FOX. Things are fucked up. Really fucked up. … Continue reading
I was sorely missing Texas and though I was never what one might call ‘A Hardcore Country Music Fan’, I was feeling nostalgic. So I bought me some Nocona’s, a Stetson, Wrangler’s, some shirts with snaps, a string tie, and off I went, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places Continue reading
Apparently marriage to me is not much more binding than a hand-shake. Continue reading
My Sister Madelyn made that same promise to me. I’m still tryin’ to fulfill it for her. (And for me.) Happy Friday/Saturday/Munday/Wed-less Day, or what-ever-the fuck day today is. Times and Days and Ways have lost their Meaning for ME. Simply because I have cast my “Sanity” to the curb–don’t need it–it was serving no … Continue reading
C’mon Guys (and Gals) fess up: Have you ever pissed in a sink?
I know I have. Continue reading
“We’re goin’ camping out to The Lake,” Peanut announced. “You gonna come, or what?” Continue reading
The Jordanians are coming: Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t comphy, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do not complain.
They are Marines. Continue reading
I actually gave this some serious thought earlier today. And truthfully I was inspired by a post I read over yonder at http://sharoncummings.wordpress.com/2014/03/28/p-r-o-b-l-e-m-s/ We were talking about optimism. Well Sharon was but it got me to thinking. (Scary, yeah.) Anyhow, I had this post develop in my head. A post about good and bad. A post … Continue reading
Since I am in “Peanut Mode” tonight, I thought I would post this excerpt from a very ‘early-in-my-blogging days’ post regarding same, in the vain hope some would read the bits in their entirety: Sharking, Campin’, Bow-Fishin’. Seems to me we sometimes realize far too late the true value of friends had and lost. There … Continue reading
All the houses on Bruning Street were brand new. And they were all alike. But their alikeness did not dampen my spirits, especially since mom and I had left the moldy old garage apartment across town. I had finally escaped that place and the Ghost of that Murdered Turkey. Continue reading
This was originally posted 02 FEB entitled Letter from a Southpark Jail. I decided to re-post it as a series of ‘Chapters’ in the hope of making it a more manageable read. Chapter One: PAX Terminal, Camp Dwyer The following is a transcribed letter I wrote to a Significant Other while cooling my heels in … Continue reading
“Golf is a Gentleman’s and Lady’s game.”
I looked around at my twenty-odd fellow PE classmates sitting Indian-style in a semi-circle in front of Coach. It was late spring in Winnsboro Texas. I was twelve.
Poking my buddy (a lanky, slow-drawling ugly tow head of a boy named Gary) in the ribs with my elbow, whispered, “Golf? What’s he talkin’ ‘bout?” Continue reading
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Not an everyday alcoholic, but he did have a schedule and he stuck to it religiously. Continue reading
Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size. Madelyn was living in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me he had this ‘wonderful little apartment’ for rent, which was ‘just perfect’ for … Continue reading
Jim Varney studied Shakespeare at the Barter Theater in Abingdon, Virginia. Most folks don’t know he began his career as a Thespian. He is of course, most remembered for portraying ‘Earnest’ in hundreds of commercials during the Eighties and Nineties. (And for a few horrible movies based on the same character) I caught my first … Continue reading