I am struggling, struggling, to catch up.
To Catch up With My Life.
It seems to be running away from me.
“Uh… If I Keep[ Re-Posting Shit It Is Becase I Am Drunk And I Want People To Read It. Different—
“Anybody got a match?”
Yeah, I got a match:
Bogie and Bacall.
Continue reading
LancBe Gone! iS El Stupido! aSSHOLE! A Stupid Ass-Hole! Commentary… SEAL Training: Psych Eval–Mitsy–Try To Gain Her
sTUPID aSS-hOLE Continue reading
Yeah! Oh Why Not?! Rinse & Re-Post. I Love OLD Movies! ‘Tis a Consummation De-Voutly To Be Wish’d Nostalgia Kind O’ Day!
I need to be taken out and shot in the head.
TWICE! Continue reading
Yeah, I am Lazy. I Keep Re-Postin’ Old Shite. Git Over It! “California on my Mind MINE? MiNd? No, I Don’t Mind! I No Longer Have The TIME! (NOR The Damn Dime Neither)”
MinD???
wHUT mIND? wHUT IS dAT?
Did I ever possess Such a Thing? Continue reading
It’s Alright Ma; I’m Only Bleeding. Why Am I Suicidal? I LOVE MY LIFE! Such as it is.
Why???? Where??? When???? Continue reading
I Cannot B’Leave I Re-Run. Yes, I Am Drunk. Next Question. “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” Here’s a Clue: You Cannot.
Madelyn & Me!
Me & Madelyn!
On-The-Stage! Continue reading
Sorry Kids. I am stupid Drunk–Not Really. Just Stupid–Had to Re-Post This—Expanded A Bit. I Miss My Navy SEAL Training Hazy Daze!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy! Happy! Happy!
Cockeyed Optimist! Continue reading
Running in Soft Sand: SEAL Training Part Three. But Truthfully More Alternate Stuff (I’ll Write Another ‘Proper’ BUD/s Post Soon)
I actually know this meme-guy: he was an Instructor in BUD/s Class 158. I was there.
Do You Dare to Care?
Casspir The Friendly Armored Personnel Carrier
Bumping along in a Casspir, a South African armored personnel carrier, on our way to Anbar Province, western Iraq. The year was 2007 and we were under attack.
Continue reading
Worth a Re-Look I Admire Her So Much. You Don’t Have to Read it. “You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy”–You Conquered The World With Your Charm. Oui, Je Parle Frainse
“I Love and Admire You Dorothy.
Always Have.
Always Shall.
You are an American Icon.” Continue reading
The Good Samaritan
So I Was at The Beer/Copenhagen Store My Credit/Debit Card Was Not Working (For Some Strong/ bizarre Strange Reason) Some Dude Behind me in line, said “I Got This.. I’ll Pay For His Purchases” “What’s Your Name?” I Inquired. Most folks just call me “Bob”
So Sorry Y’all, But I am Feelin’ Melancholy. Joni is On-My-Mind! “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.” I have Lost My Mind! Do Not Read This Self-Serving Vanity Post! It Is-‘Eyes Only’–For Joni.
Shit!
I CANNOT FIND MY
MIND! Continue reading
I LOVE Amy Adams! Julie and Julia. And Yes! This Post is All-Fukked-Up! I May Try To Fix It Later, But Don’t Hold Yer Breath. See Ya Laters Alligators! Never Apologetic
Fuk it
I am going to re-post all of my posts.
For posterity purposes.
Get over it.
You don’t have to read.
Find something better to do.
With your
time. Continue reading
“Lagertha/Katheryn The Un-Stoppable!—The Force Given and Taken/ Able. Give-Able
Dreams Can Come True! Continue reading
Diego Garcia, or Some Might Say “McHale’s Navy”
Diego Garcia? Huh? Never heard of it.”
Continue reading
It is Quite Within the Realm of Possibility That I am Drunk, “Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”
Dateline: 1989 Subic Bay Naval Base / Olongapo City, Philippines 1600hrs
“Knock Off Ship’s Work! Liberty Call! Liberty Call!” reverberated from the 1MC onboard the USS Frederick, LST 1184.
Simultaneously about a hundred sailors went into Fred Flintstone Mode:
“Yabba Dabba Dooo!!” Continue reading
“I Know This Goddamn Life Too Well–Janis Supper-Time And The Liver Is Greasy: “The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said,
Cred The Beatles Duh Go Rent a Wife ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’ -With Apologies to Lewis Carroll” “Is That The Moon–Dear Clown–Tied to a String For Me?“ “Lots of Forty-Watt Successes–Where’s My Own Shinin’ Hour?” “Just More Bang-Bang Ketchup Color To Him… Color To … Continue reading
I Absolutely Love These Broads mY Humble Tribute To The Highwomen: “Lance, Go Get Wrecked!”
“Okay… Have it your way.” I’ll do it my Way! U Fukkin’ OK With That? Yay Lance! Kiss Yer Asss G’Bye–Somewhere There’s A Scooner sinkin’…. Oh Fuk this! I can’t write for shite! Not now Lance! You Idiot! “Lance, kiss yer ass goodbye.” “I’ll Do it my way. OK?” I was once once A Sailor… … Continue reading
WordPress Never Fails In Its Un-Dying Effort To Piss Me The Fuck Off. In Its Un-Dying, Always Trying, Never Failing, Never Falling, Perpetual Mission To PISS-ME-OFF!
“My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen” & Johnny Cash Continue reading
Late Spring Cleanin’: Or, ‘Fishin’ by the creek’, Your Choice
I am cleaning out some old posts and kickin’ ’em to the curb Please bare with me. (Bear? Is that a word? Or just an animal?) Anyhow… Read if you will. (And if not, well, thanks for the auto-likes) Cheers! *** ‘Three-Nine-Six-One-Three Bruning Street Fremont California: 1964-1968’ Funny how I still remember the street address … Continue reading
This is Too Damn Long and The Font Too Damn Small–Sorry. ‘The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said, ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’ -With Apologies to Lewis Carroll
sad Dtpry Continue reading
Another VERY LONG PEANUT TALE….”This Never Got Any Play: The Snapping Turtles Part Probably Killed It…” And by the way, this is a true story. I don’t write fiction. No good at it and no need for it.
“We’re goin’ camping out to The Lake,” Peanut announced. “You gonna come, or what?” Continue reading
All The Leaves Are Brown And My Sky is Gray
The California That I loved so Much is Dead to me Now. Continue reading
I Still So Much Miss My Sis! I Will NEVER Allow Her Memory To Die.
l am really missing my sister.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
Her Untimely death
Really FUCKED Me
UP!
But this should not be
ABOUT ME!
It should only be about my Madelyn
I loved her so much! But I don’t think I ever fucking told her!
“Pity-Party much Lance?”
“Fuck Off!” Said Lance Continue reading
Agnetha! Please! I’ll Wait!
TaKS a Chance oN mE Continue reading
Rhonda Jo: Chapter i dON’T Know…Maybe SanSrit…Two and a Half–White Trash Was She–I Still Miss Her– SO Marvelous Much!
wHITE Trash
tRASH wAS SHE. i LOVED HER
Continue reading
Rhonda Chapter (I forget) Eventually, I Managed to Marry Her In Lost Wages…. I Spent ALL of Our Honey-Moon Money at the ‘Oh Craps I Lost Tables’
I Spent ALL of Our Honey-Moon Money at the ‘Oh Craps I Lost Tables’ Continue reading
YES! I Still Miss Her! Marvelous Much! “Continuing Saga of My Favorite Wife: Rhonda-Jo” Whaaat Idiot Fool I Was/Am…SHA–JAMN!
I Have Built A Career Around Casting Away Good Women Continue reading
If You Don’t Mine, It Don’t Matter
There is sand in the Sinai Desert. Lots of sand. There is wind in the Sinai Desert. Lots of wind. There are landmines in the Sinai Desert. Lots of landmines, some dating back to the ’56 war. Most of them are still functional. When wind and sand collide, the sand moves. In waves. The … Continue reading
Mind Blown! Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket
This Post is a Continuation of a Promise I made to Me (And to Y’all, Gentle Readers) to write about Sinai Field Mission. For brevity’s sake (The Soul of Wit), I am breaking it down into snippets. To catch the back story, actually the forward story, please go here: No Bare Feet Beyond This Point. … Continue reading
Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket
This Post is a Continuation of a Promise I made to Me (And to Y’all, Gentle Readers) to write about Sinai Field Mission. For brevity’s sake (The Soul of Wit), I am breaking it down into snippets. To catch the back story, actually the forward story, please go here: No Bare Feet Beyond This Point. … Continue reading
Yes! I Am Pure ‘D’ Ole White Trash! White Trash Ingenuity: Making Black Coffee Without A Coffee Percolator. Step-By-Step Instructions May Be Found Within
I Am Out of Instant Coffee
I Am Also Out of Money
True Grit
Cowboys Ain’t Us
Being a True Native Texan, I decided one day to become a ‘Real Cowboy’
“UnderWater Skiing” (Self-Deprecation is the Easiest, Lowest, Form Of Humour)
Stupid is as Stupid Does.
Thank You For Reminding Me Forrest Continue reading
PRO-‘VANITY’ WARNING! Gone Fishin’: Peanut, Lance, and Bow-Fishin’. Inspiration Graciously Provided By Tom Sawyer & Huck Finn (And Samuel Clemens)
Carp. It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore
Poem For “Ethel”–Fake Name–UBH: Interlude
Lance is an Idiot!
UBH Chapter Two
“Wait! Where is the help I was promised?”
“The doctor will be about shortly”
“Okay. I’ll wait.” Continue reading
Hits Way Too Close To My Home. JUST One More on My Miss-Adventures With Alcohol: Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’
Have I Ever Mentioned
How Much I Worship, Admire, & Respect
Sandra Bullock?
Continue reading
Do NOT Look! Too Depressing! Denton UBH Day One: Stepping Through The Door.
I suppose it’s time. Time to ‘revisit’ this. (At least the music is good) Continue reading
The Idiot And The Odyssey. Oh My Fukken Gawd! Lost At Sea! But I Got A One-Way Ticket For My “Destination”
What An Adventure! Continue reading
Glen Miller Kicked Some Serious Ass! (Kinda-Sorta Updated–For Our Current ‘Happy Times’–Enjoy Please)
C’mon Yall!
Let’s love this one!
Again.
Yes.
Memory Lance – Lane Continue reading
My Feeble Mind is GONE! Endeavor to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive! Hey Lib-Tards! Oh! I’m So Fukkin’ Sorry For Lovin’ And Servin’ The Country I Love So Fuckin; Much!
This Post is a WIP
Rest
Assurred
This Asshole
Has not Yet begun
To Fight!
I Shall Re-Turn
For
Now
It is
Yer
Turn
Continue reading
C’om On Y’all! Show Some Love & Respect. For Rickie Lee! I Caint Hep it! I’ll Fix it Later, Maybe.
No Bullshit Found Here
I love
This Woman
“Your Talk is cheap Lance”
“Go Get Fucked. Like my ‘talk’ now? Pricey enuff for ya?”
Continue reading
Don’t Bother: It’s Just a Re-Run For Fun. Makes Absolutely No Sense Whats-So-Ever, But Makes Me Laugh.
Word Press is Fukked Up! I posted this ten minuets ago Continue reading
Self-Critique. I Have Noticed, Of Late, A Pattern, A Rather Disturbing Pattern, Developing In My Brain, –A Disturbing One. “Writing Writing Writing! Raw-Hide!”
Self-Abuse
Critique
Blogging
Crap
Idiot Savants
Writing
Happy Freedoms
Just Do It. Screw It! Look At It–Read It!
I Screwed Up This Post It was Brilliant I Lost it
I Miss Memphis! I Am Such a MORON! Just For Fun Re-Run: Escape From Memphis–Chapter Ten: Psychiatrist Interrogation, or “Last F*cking Chance For Romance–Asshole!”
Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest: “How long have you been drinking?” Continue reading
The Raven
The Greatest Texan
Sam Houston Continue reading
The Abusive Muse
‘WAKE UP!”
“Whaaaa?”
Continue reading
The Po-Lice Just Showed Up. (Per My Request) Isn’t That Nice? It Was a ‘Courtesy Call’ If You Will, Will. Well, Shit! Shall I Say, I Pay My Taxes. And Always On-Time.
No Lance!
Don’t Shoot Him!
Who gonna clean up the mess Continue reading
Emmy-Lou, What to Do? Did I Ever? Write About Emmylou? The Volume Is Borked–Crank it. Crank it Up! And Enjoy.
I am so vary much in-love with hew Continue reading
Since I am Whor’d, Bor’d, & Ignored,–Word-Press Is Stupid…
Fuck U Word-Depress’d
“No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” This is a Re-Constructed–De-Constricted, Sane-It-Sized For Your Protection, Old Post.
Lance Marcom is Frickkin’ Stupid
Continue reading
Just A Little ‘Friendly Reminder’ (Fuuck U WP) To Anyone Who Ever Has The Foolish Desire To Fuc* With Me: “Home, Home On The Range: The ‘Gun Range’ That Is”
CAUTION: I Do A Little Bit, NO. I Do A Lot Of Shameless Braggin’ In This Post: Read At Your Own Annoyance Continue reading
Please Re-Visit This. (Slightly Expanded) This is Di-gusting. I am distinguishing. Gussing…
My Mind?
Huh? Continue reading
Ever So Blithley (Is that a word?) Expanded. “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”
“Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.”
-Janis Ian Continue reading
Jesus H. Christ!
“Jesus Saves!” Continue reading
I Have a Very Complicated Personal–Historical Relationship With Religion–Needless to Say–And Yes. I Have Been To The Holy Land, Jerusalem. Far Too Many Times to Count
God Has Blessed me with a mind of mine own
And Free Will. Continue reading
Fly Me to the Moon. Sleepy after five minutes. Falling Asleep in my Chair. Stream of Un-Conscientiousness
Yawn! Continue reading
Shoulda Left Las Vegas
Las Vegas
And pondering why I love the TV show, ‘Nashville’ so much. Continue reading
“Never Run Tell That!” Unless of course… “You can’t take the hot lead enema.”–Lenny Bruce
My British Girlfriend is a poker-player.
A real good poker-player.
A really very good poker player.
I am NOT a really very good poker-player
Continue reading
G’Dammit! I Caint Find My “Dedicated To Christine McVie Post” Shite! Guess I’ll try To Re-Write. What The Hell Else I Got To Do? Tiddlywinks? Don’t Think So. Not Today Anyway.
I have Forever Been Infatuated with Her (Must Be The British Accent!) Continue reading
“Insanity” Is Just A Scare Word. It’s Only A State of Lost Mind. Please Read This. If Only To Merely Validate The Current Condition of My Condition.
I Love New York City
Shhhhh!
Don’t tell Any Texans You May Know
It Won’t Be Nothin’ Nice
They’ll Clip My Wings
And Throw me UNDER The Alamo Continue reading
Quadruple Jeopardy. No. No No! NO!! Don’t Re-Post! “Moldy Moldy Old Oldie Re-Run, (Just Fer Fun)–Tattoo or ‘This is Awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’
Yes. I’ve done some incredibly stupid shit in my time. Continue reading
I Wish to EXPAND Upon This. And I Shall. Immediately After I Come Out Of My Self-Induced Coma.
My Love For Her Knows No Bounds Continue reading
“A Raccoon’s Tale” Re-Writ & Expanded. I Am Right Over-Proud Of It–True Story. Never Fails to Amuse Me. First Sign of Insanity: You Laugh At Your Own Jokes.
My Mind?
Huh? Continue reading
Expanded And Up-Dated (Once Again) SOUTHERN COMFORT(S) ME
I LOVE MY TEXAN / SOUTHERN HERITAGE Continue reading
WRITERS IN THE STORM
Lost at Sea Staring at a Blank Page Continue reading
‘Ree-Pete’ Has Returned To My Mouse-House. Looking Rather ‘Shop-Worn’ About The Edges. Please Say ‘Howdy’ To Him. He is Lonely and Afraid. Afraid of Silence & of Darkness.
I have no worthy words to describe her beauty Continue reading
Re-Runs Are Fun! —“Letter From a South Park Jail” Letter The First: Part One (Apology to MLK for Shamelessly Appropriating A Great Title)
I need to be ‘institutionalized’ somewhere far far away. A place where life is tenuous at worst and exciting at best and the pay is good and booze is scarce and the women are… well, usually not to be found, except on the Internet Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”
It was a long and winding road which led me to South Park home base. As I was trudging along, sweating my ass off, I kept reminding myself of the New Yorker’s directions given to someone looking to get to Texas from NYC:
“Head west until you smell shit. That’s Oklahoma. Go south until you step in it. That’s Texas.” Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Three: “The Bored Walk”
The Briefing was Brief:
“This here’s the van gonna take you. Leaves at zero five hunnert, an’ it’ll leave without ch’all, so doan wander off.” Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Two (Yes A Re-Tread)
“If You Do Not Make Muster and Sign In You Will Not Be Paid. And Furthermore: Not Making Muster Will Result In Disciplinary Action Up To And Including Termination (And An Ass Rendering Administered By Conan Our Resident Barbarian) Thank You for Complying and have a nice day…yada yada yada.”
South Park HQ Continue reading
SOUTHERN COMFORT(S) ME
I LOVE THE SOUTH! Continue reading
You’ve Got to Give a Little. To Get A Little. Kindness is the Best Cure for all ills. Try It; It Works Like A Charm. Every Time.
This is a sappy, yet heart-felt post.
I really do try to give back to our community. I love our community.
Happy Days, Y’alls. All of Y’alls Continue reading
Martha Gellhorn: I Find Her Extraordinarily Sexy Smart.
Martha was the best.
The BEST Woman I Never Had Privilege To Know… In Any Sense, Biblical or Otherwise, Continue reading
Writer’s Block
Searching for Some Thing to Say Continue reading
Must Re-Post. Sorry–I Am Lonely & Wallowing In Mine Own Self-Pity. So I ‘Drown’ My Sorrows In The Deep Well of Lady Mac-Bee. (And In The Shallow Well of Cheap Vodka)
‘Shakespearean’ Kind of Day. Continue reading
Sorry Kids. I Havta Re-Post This B/cuz… Jimmy ‘Peanut’ Piland.
Sorry Kids. I Have To Re-Post This.
For…
Reasons
Jimmy ‘Peanut’ Piland Reasons
Continue reading