Dear Readers,
This is a “HOT MESS” collection of some recent and some not-so-recent ‘normal’ comments and ‘vomit comments’ and some other weird shit that spills from my mind from time to time.
I’m Sorry. Continue reading
This Is Stupid, But I Re-Post It Anyway: Life Lesson Learned: Don’t Go ‘Round Kicking Sinai Spiders–Trust Me On This One Y’all. I Don’t Like Spiders An’ Snakes…
Respect The Spider’s Space and Right to be Left-the-Hell-Alone Continue reading
Yeah! This Is A Re-RE-Re-Repost… Git The Fuck Over It! I Fucked My One Chance To Have Janis Ian As My Friend!
She Will Read It, Perhaps In Heaven Which, if There is Such a Place, she shall reside.
Until the end of time
(I NEVER Write FICTION!) This is a TRUE STORY! “Fired Marshall: Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans, Chapter Six: FIRE! And Yes! I Shall Burn In Hell. For My Sins.”
Maddy
Don’t Fuck this Up! Continue reading
This Old Dead Post Has Been ‘Resurrected’ And ‘Re-Mastered’ LMFAO! Spring Clinging: Atheists For Jesus. Yay Jesus! You Rock My World! Just Kidding.
Learn to Read.
Reading is good
And it is good for you
Continue reading
OH MY FU*KIN’ GOD! “I Thanks God For Giving A Shit About Me!” And For Being So Generous & Kind As To Send Two Of Your Angels My Way–I Never Even Deserved One.
I love My Life
I Have been BLESSED
bY
gOOD
pEIOPLE Continue reading
Screw it! I am gonna Keep Re-Posting Shit, ‘Till I Run Outta Gas! F%@k it! Re-Visit It! m– m–Added Some Moray Joanie–Baez. “There’s A Hole In My Bed”
Linda is so beautiful.
A treasure to be treasured. Continue reading
I Keep Walking On Walls Just trying to Keep My Sanity Wrapped About Me. “Please Stop Spinning, My Head…”–Thank You.
My mind gone
Continue reading
Oh Why Not? Why Not Re-Cycle/Re-Post It?—“On The Street Where I Lived” My Baptism of Fire. “Supper-Time–And The Liver Is Greezy”–You’ll Have To Scroll Down…
‘Three-Nine-Six-One-Three Bruning Street Fremont California: 1966-1968.
Continue reading
I Caint Hep it! I am So Much in Love/Lust w/Her: Rickie Lee Teaser! (“Lookie Here Y’all”) So Many Wimmens I Love–So Little Time! What’s The Common Denominator? They Are All Beautiful ‘Song Birds’–Must I Spell I Out For Y’all?!!
No Bullshit Found Here
I love
This Woman
“Your Talk is cheap Lance”
“Go Get Fucked. Like my ‘talk’ now? Pricey enuff for ya?”
Continue reading
I AM RE-POSTING THIS BECAUSE IT IS REALLY OBNOXIOUS AND GLASSIC & SARCASTIC: FUKKIN’ LANCE! & HAVE A NICE DAY! Okay? We Still OK?
Shit! WP is STUPID! I Just Wanted to RePost A Post! But Fuk No! WP Needs a Fukkin’ Parental Permission Slip! Continue reading
“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!” Yep! They Were! “Please Don’t Rain RUST On My Parade” “I’m As Sweet As Pie And Tough As Leather,,,” I Wanted To Place That Line At The Beginning Of My Babs Videos, But Guess What? WordPress IS STUPID!
“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!”
I had to admit. Yes they were. Continue reading
I’m Just Re-Cycling Old Shite, And Feeling Lonely & Sorry For Me & Just Reminiscing… Had To Update & Re-Post.
I feel so honored to have been allowed to serve on two ships in two war zones and given the opportunity to attend SEAL training, even though I did not measure up, at least I showed up.
Twice Continue reading
This is Reeely Reeeely Long. So What Does Lance Do? He Re-Posts it! Listening / Watching Audrey Sing “Moon River” ALWAYS Makes Me Cry, But Then, I am A Hopeless, Helpless Hapless Romantic. Ain’t I?—
I repost this only for Audrey.
And of course for Shonnie:
That one that got away…. Continue reading
“Hey! Lance Needs Help! He’s Goin’ Down for the Third Time!” or, “Does This Font Make My Blog Look… Fat?”
“Just toss him a beer and that ‘Mae West Vest’. He’ll be fine.”
“But Sir, he quit drinking months ago.”
“Well Christ! That’s probably most of his problem right there.
Ok, fish him aboard. I’ll have some ‘chat’ with him; get to the nature of his ‘Urgent Urgency’.” Continue reading
“I Feel The Need for Speed!”-Bebe Daniels, Movie Star-Diva-Viva-Vixen-Vamp. Convict/Wife/Native Texan (P.S., The Poem Found Within, I Wrote… Those Are My Words)
Speed Girl was so Speedy
Speed Girl’s name was Bebe
Speed Girl hailed from Texas
She showed them how reckless
A Girl can become
If Dallas she’s from
Jewel is such a Large Part of My “Like-Life” Life-Like, Life-Like Life. You Figure That Out For me: I Cannot.
Please be careful with me.
I’m fukken sensitive.
Sensitive/Not Sensitive My Muse has left me—Permanent—And Yes! I Love Women! Believe It Or Don’t, “I’m Sensitive” Is MY Theme-Song.
Sensitive/Not Sensitive Continue reading
Rita! Rita! Rita! Most Lovely Lady! For Just One Kiss, I’d Die Happy And Fuck You Kris! You Idiot Moron!
Reposting this for a fren…. who put an earworm in my ear.
Thanks Fren…
I appreciate you.
(not really, but it looks good in print) Continue reading
This Ain’t Fiction–Y’all Know I NEVER Write Fiction. This Shit Really Happened: Exactly As I Have Re-Counted It.
Early the next morning, I ordered coffee and then waited outside to catch the room service dude/dudette before they could knock on the door and awaken Sleeping Beauty. Continue reading
OKAY! LAST ONE! Then I will MOVE ON! To Something NOT So Depressing! “Pap, Huck, Peanut, Delirium tremens, and Lance”
I post a lot of shit. I post a lot of off the wall shit. Continue reading
Good Gawd Damn! Make it STOP! “Yet Just Another Silly Re-Boot. “Hamsterdam”
Way back in the day when I was a wee child and living in Kansas City with My Daddy and my Evil Step-Mom DJ, I had a pet hamster.
He Died. Continue reading
Aw Shit! Re-Visit This–I Did. X2 (That Means Twice) Double Vision–Ain’t No Fun–One of Me is Enuff! “The Trouble With Lance And Beer Cans (And Tribbles)
Uh…. I May be Drunk!
Just a Theory or a guess Continue reading
This Boat Is Sinking. Ladies & Gents… When Will I Ever Learn To Keep My Big Mouth Shut? Never Ever? OK; I’m Good With That…
Bail’s In
Water’s out.
Try to remember that Gents. Continue reading
Yes. I Know. I Recently Re-Poster’d This, But WordPress Is Acting Stupid—Once Again… “Awright: Here (Hopefully) Is The ‘De-Scrw’d Version’
I greeted my first customer, a fortyish lady with big hair and perhaps a little too much make-up, “Good morning Ma’am and welcome to Aquarium World. How may I help you?”
“I need a crud-eater for my tank.” Continue reading
Expanded! Inebriated! Fucked With! Edited To Death! With! “FUK IS WRONG With ME??? “From Where I Stand, Sun Is Shining All-Over-The-Place”
Had to.
Had to repost.
“Why Lance?”
“Because… Jennifer Grey. Okay?”
“OK. Whatever floats yer boat.” Continue reading
Tried To Move This Back Up To The Top Of MY Blog. Guess Wot? Caint. Why? B’Cause WoProfanity WARNING! “Danger Will Robinson!” WHY LANCE?? Why??? Why Re-Post? Because I’m An Asshole–That’s Why. (And this One Has Mo’ Better & More Videos In It)
I just recently got back in touch with my “Inner-Blondie” Eighties, and recalled this stupid post.
So, what to do?
Repost it.
Bitch
And never, ever, look for logic here. Go somewhere else.
Continue reading
OK! I Am Stupid! Added One More Vid! “At The Hop!” Must Repost! Found a Great Vid(s)! Dropped them in at the End. It’s My Pity-Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To! “Where Were You in Sixty-Two?”
Lance is Stupid! Continue reading
I Cannot Make This Shit Up! It is All Too True. “Not Like Going Down The Pond Chasing Blue Gills Or Tommy Cots”–Quint
Oh Fuk This And Fuck Lance Marcom!!! Continue reading
“I like it Stripey” or if you will, Willy Shakespeare,“Chardonnay! Take me Away!”
This is a tale of two blogs. Or perhaps a blog of two tales. Or perhaps… “More matter with less art” may be apropos here. Indeed Gertrude! (This post will surely go ‘viral’. Which by my standards simply means, ‘Six will read it. Three will ‘like’ it, and one will comment on it. Yep. ‘Viral’) … Continue reading
WRITERS IN THE STORM–“They Are So Forlorn, And They Eat Cream Corn”
Lost at Sea Staring at a Blank Page Continue reading
Drive-By “Likers” Give Me The Urge, The ‘Sudan’ (And Yes! I Have been to The Sudan–Twice) Urge, To Throw- Up-in-My-Mouth… An Unlikely Horse to Win, Place, or Even Show Up” (2021 Re-Boot with Verbose Author’s Op-Ed Bonus Bit Thrown In)
“TLDR”
–The Author Continue reading
Little Fuckin’ Too Late: Y’all… The Vomit Comments Are The Only Worthy Earthy, Things About This Oldie Post—Jes Sayin’… They Say It’s Your Birthday (and please read/watch this one) It may be my swan song.
And Yeah, I Lived In The Middle of-the-fuckin’ East– Don’t Make ME Special—Just Unusual Tomorrow I embrace my Sixty-Third Year. So what? I find me asking me of late: “So… Lance, what have you done?” Vid Credit: johnlennon And ‘somewhat’ related: And…Talia Shire Will never, ever look so good. Again. (That Beret! That Beret! Cabaret!) … Continue reading
I Am A Goddamn Mother-Fuckin PATRIOT! Git Get Over it! WARNING! UPDATE: This Post is All Over The Place!—I am Re-Posting This Becuz I am Vain. And Stupid. And Drunk in Texas. And the Only Good and True Woman I ever Had (HS Sweet-heart) Only Emails Me Once Per Year — On My Fukkin’ b’Day. (The Vid Post is All Fucked-Up And Part 2 Takes Forever To Load–_Please Be Patient
Yeah!
I”m DRUNK!
ALERT THE MEDIA!
CALL CNN!
BREAKING NEWS! Continue reading
Reflecting Back, I Probably Should Stop Smoking Crack… I Cannot Believe I Actually WroteThis Shite—Let Alone, Published It is A Really Looong Post. El Stupido! Ya Know?! No! LANCE! dON’T dO iT! dON’T rE-pOST iT! (Sorry. Caps Lock Malfunction Junction)
MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL
I Love Everyone—Well Almost Ever’One
There are Some I am Planning to Shoot in the head.
Thrice! Continue reading
Redemption Song–I’ll Edit/Expand This Bitch Later, Maybe/Not Likely. Sorry–Not Sorry: Never Truly ‘Sorry’ For All The Horrible Things I’ve Done…
May we discuss ‘redemption?’
Of course we can. Continue reading
Rent – A – Sailor: Part One
We were steaming along in the South Pacific one day when word came down the pike that we had new orders to sail to Sydney. Continue reading
Up-Dated! Added A Nerdy Science Vid–Ya’ll Hav’ta Scroll Down-Sorry. Earth’s Magnetic Field or ‘Full-Tilt Boogie’ “Rent–A–Sailor Part Duh: Topsy-Turvy Curvy” Yuk Yuk Yuk! And Yuk! LMFAO!
Up is Down Down is Up Apropos For Now, Eh? We had three days steaming time to kill on our way to That ‘That Land Down Under’. Continue reading
This Reeely Happened: I Do Not Write Fiction. “Ever So Blithely (Is that a word?) Expanded. “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”
“Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.”
-Janis Ian Continue reading
Pete? Pete? Re-Pete? Rinse & Re-Peat Many-Feet: “Pap, Huk, Peanut, Delirium Tremens, and Lance” The DT’s: They’re Not Just for Breakfast Anymore.
I Post and Re-Post A Lot Of Stupid Bull-Shite
Why?
Because I am a lazy idiot-savant
That’s Why.
“I Have Of Late, Though Wherefore I Know Not, Lost All My Mirth” There is too Much Macbeth/Hamlet/Coleridge Residing Within Me! ‘Tis A Curs’d Curse Albatross That Hangs About My Neck.
I’m Gonna Re-Post This B’cuz I Am An Idiot & It Is A Shakespeare Kind-o-Day Continue reading
I’m Gonna Blow this Candle out–Don’t want— Nobody at My Table; Got Nothin’ To Talk to any-Body About
I am sick of people.
I got nothing left to say Continue reading
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HARPY! ! GOT LUCKY! GREAT NEWS! ON A FRY-DAY! NO LONGER GOT THEM MISSING CAR KEY BLUES! GOD HAS BLESSED ME. Perhaps I Have Found Religion? Naw. Never Gonna Happen.
Just got a call from Commerce Hospital
Continue reading
Yeah! Oh Why Not?! Rinse & Re-Post. I Love OLD Movies! ‘Tis a Consummation De-Voutly To Be Wish’d Nostalgia Kind O’ Day! OKAY?!
I need to be taken out and shot in the head.
TWICE! Continue reading
Self-Portrait: I Re-Post, Re-Twerk, Re-Write-For Spite Becuz I Am A Narc-A-Siss-Tick Ass-Hole & I ‘Craven’ Attention Spans, Specifically, Yours!
The Game of Life is hard to play
Continue reading
Bloggin’ While Blind. Trust Me Kids. A Sailor Always Finds a Way to Improvise! And God Bless Kathy Trout in HGHS: My ‘Typing Teacher’
Someone, Any One FEDex me a white cane. I’ll pay the shipping
Continue reading
This is for My Darling, My Lady, My Roberta Lady, Whom I Love, Yet She Loves Me Not, Actually, She Does Love Me, Semi-Un-Conditionally, But Bitch is Ill… Very Ill Right Now. I am Distraught.
Get Well Quick Bitch!
We Have Miles to Go
‘er You Sleep!
“Lance, Just Go Shoot Yourself. In the Head. Twice. And Try Not to Miss This Time.”
In Need indeed, needs more love. Continue reading
Forget It: I Need To Die Soon–I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….
Shite–My Mind Is Insane
Continue reading
“UnderWater Skiing” Self-Deprecation is the Easiest, Lowest, Form Of Humour (& Humility)
Stupid is as Stupid Does.
Thank You For Reminding Me Forrest Continue reading
I am Man Enuff to admit When I’ve Been Wrong. Evens When I Didn’t Know When I’d Been wrong’d
Mark Dice Handed My Ass to Me! Continue reading
“Uh, Lance, You Are a MORON!” “The Biker, Bouncer, Bartender, Big-Boned Gal From Milwaukee” or “Bloody Mary ‘Mourning’–“Baby Left Me Without Warning Sometime In The Night.”
She left me without warning. G’Dammit! Continue reading
Breaking NEWS! Lance is Drunk! OK, That Ain’t NEW NEWS! Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “Denouement” or “You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams”
It only ‘seems’ That your dreams fall apart. Pick Yersef Up; Dust Yersef Off Cowboy!
This is All True. As I Have Said, I Never Write Fiction. This Actually Happened: Exactly As I Have Written it. “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife”
Come and ‘lay’ Down beside me
Continue reading
Shoulda Left Las Vegas
Las Vegas And pondering why I love the TV show, ‘Nashville’ so much. Here goes: Many a time while stationed in San Diego, I would make a spur of the moment decision to drive the five hours to Vegas. Occasionally with a buddy or two after closing down a bar somewhere downtown San Dog. Once … Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part VIII: “The Blackjack Enlightenment of Miss Jean Brodie… Er… I Meant ‘Shonnie’”
Shonnie was growing tired and bitchy and mouthy so I called an end to the training session, satisfied enough by then with her understanding of the game. Continue reading
Uh? Did I Actually Write This Shite? I Must Be Rainman Without the Blackjack Skills. Bad Fortunes. Under-Achiever Me. And I Was Actually A Decent Count-Down-Artist. Once
This is for all my friends. And for my not friends too. Continue reading
Yeah, I Am Still Re-Postin’ Old, Warmed-Over Shit–Sue Me–Bring Your Big, Fat, Over-Fed Lawyers! “Sharm–First, Do No Harm. Little Hipp-no-cratic Oath There Comin’ Atcha. Better Duck And Cover. That’s What I’d Do.”Random Memories from The Middle of the East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh”
I sped off still heading south. I observed her fade fast in my rear-view mirror, Continue reading
Yet One Last Re-Rum. Sorry–Not Sorry. I Am In-Love With My Ego. “Never A Shot Fired In Anger: Just Sweet Revenge” Please Re-Read.
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Not an everyday alcoholic, but he did have a schedule and he stuck to it religiously. Continue reading
I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”
I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake. Continue reading
Word-Press
I Love My Life!
And Now, I Love WordPress (Once Again!) Continue reading
Lance, You Lie. (Like A Rug) Leavin’ Louisiana—In the Broad Day-Light
“Don’t Touch My Bags If You Please, Mister Customs’ Man” Continue reading
Some Day, One Day, Perhaps On A Sunday, I Will Get Over My Infatuation With Linda Ronstadt. But Not Today. Okay? “When You Bend It, You Can’t Mend It” Speaking Loosely About My Heart, BTW.
She Melts My Heart
Just Like a Wheel
A Broken,
Melted Wheel Continue reading
Earlier Yester–Afternoon I Almost Killed My Laptop Comp. It Was An Accident! Okay?! I Harbor NO Ill Will, Nor Malice, Towards ‘Alice’, My Computer’s Given Christian Name.
But She Didn’t Die. . She Survived. Maybe there is a God, after all. Continue reading
Thou Talk’st Of NOTHING. Pete–Re-Pete, Peter-Pan! Lance Will Never Grow Up. Where Would Be the Fun In That? “The Flat-Bed Truck and The Pastel Sun-Dress”
Thou Tallks of Nothing!
Continue reading
“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After) It is a Linda Kind of DaY
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:
No. Fuk this. The reason had a short hapless half-life. Continue reading
Ah Fuk it! I Love Her! I Think I Forgot to Re-Publish This… Hard Life-Learned Lesson Kids: Stay Away From Alcohol.
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:
No. Fuk this. The reason had a short hapless half-life. Continue reading
I’m Having a Really Bad Day Problem Today! I Miss My Sister! “Twisted Duet” Just One More Madelyn Memory. I Was in Denial for Years! But I Have Finally Come To Grips With My Reality. Damn Shame. I HATE Reality.
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo)
Found ourselves standing before Daddy.
In His Study. Continue reading
I Re-Post This b’cuz I am Stupid. No One Will Watch The Vids, Why Do I Waste My Time On Y’all? Oh Shite! This is Stupid… I am Extremely Sorry For Wasting Your Time. Sin-Searly Sorry.
I want to be worthy someday Continue reading
Abusive Lovely Muse–Chapter Two
I sat down and starting writing.
Or Playing at writing at least.
Continue reading
The Abusive Muse
‘WAKE UP!”
“Whaaaa?”
Continue reading
Abusive, Pissed Off Severely, Majorly Pissed Off Muse
I was wasting my time and cooling my heels re-watching ‘The Wire’, and getting pleasantly smashed while drinking beer and wine. It was shaping up to be a good day.
Continue reading
BUGS
My Life on Rinse and Repeat Continue reading
“Uh… If I Keep Re-Posting Shit It Is Becase I Am Drunk And I Want People To Read It. Different, You See? May Be. Maybe Not. Ask Me If I Care. You Will Not Enjoy My Respond
“Anybody got a match?”
Yeah, I got a match:
Bogie and Bacall.
Continue reading
True Grit
Cowboys Ain’t Us
Being a True Native Texan, I decided one day to become a ‘Real Cowboy’
Re-Posting Shite! Sue Me. I Have Loved My So-Called Life! Friday Nights! Yep. I’m a Re-Spamming Asshole. (Slightly Improved And Sanitized For Your Protection) “Texas High-School FOOTBALL! The Stuff That Makes Dreams” Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Caint Lose!”
“Life is so Fragile” “Smile ‘Lance: God Don’t Like ‘Ugly’” “Every Man, At Some Point In His Life, Is gonna Lose A Battle’ Don’t I Know It?! I Have Lost (and Won) Lots of Battles. Don’t Know Much About History…. Fuk This Convoluted Post! “Welcome to The Real America.” I was Born in Texas. I … Continue reading
Yes. I Am A Moron. Money, Part Uno Dinero: “Bill Collectors VS Test Tube Baby Inspectors. Round One–Ladies & Gentlemen, Place Your Bets! Good Luck!
I Love My Life!
Continue reading
Comments Are Magic-in-a-Bottle–Moonlight in a Martini–Comment Away–Make Some–Ones’ Day–My Day
Comments Art Magic–They Rock My World Continue reading
Come on Y’all! Take Another Look-See at This One! Be Joyful! “Happy, Positive, Upbeat Stuff To Lift Your Spirits Up. I’m Just Tryin’ To get by Bein’ Quiet and Shy…” It’s a strange occupation…”
Worth your time.
Trust me:
I’m NOT with the
Government. Continue reading
If I Have Already Re-Posted This And It O-Friends You, You Are Cordially Invited To Kiss My Azz, J/K! I Am NOT Well. I Do Not Feel So Swell…
Likes and Loves and Laughing Faces
Thumbs up Thumbs up
We’re off to the races! Continue reading
Y’all, Please Remain Positive At-ALL-Times. “I’m At Least A Thousand Miles From N-Where’s–Ville–Time Don’t Matter To Me.” Nice Climate!
In Case Y’all did Not Notice
I Love The Andrews Sisters! Continue reading
This Seems to be ‘Trending’ Which in MY Blogging Universe Memes, er… Means: One Person Looked at it–So Natch! Thot I’d Re-Spam it. Why The Hell Not? This Is Still MY Blog (Ain’t It?)
Joe Bob Briggs sez
“Chek it out!” Continue reading
I Have a Very Complicated, Personal–Historical Relationship With Religion–Needless to Say–And Yes. I Have Been To The Holy Land, Jerusalem. Far Too Many Times to Count, Or To Re-Count.
God Has Blessed me with a mind of mine own
And Free Will.
Thans God. Continue reading
