I do Regret My Profound Stupidity. “The  She Marine” And Yes, I Am Painfully Aware: I’m An  Idiot Moron. No Need To Verbalize it–Beat Me Over The Head With It. Fuk  U Word-De-Pressed

I do Regret My Profound Stupidity. “The She Marine” And Yes, I Am Painfully Aware: I’m An Idiot Moron. No Need To Verbalize it–Beat Me Over The Head With It. Fuk U Word-De-Pressed

I am struggling, struggling, to catch up.
To Catch up With My Life.
It seems to be running away from me.

Continue reading

LancBe Gone! iS El Stupido! aSSHOLE! A Stupid Ass-Hole! Commentary…  SEAL Training: Psych Eval–Mitsy–Try To Gain Her

LancBe Gone! iS El Stupido! aSSHOLE! A Stupid Ass-Hole! Commentary… SEAL Training: Psych Eval–Mitsy–Try To Gain Her

sTUPID aSS-hOLE Continue reading

Yeah, I am Lazy. I Keep Re-Postin’ Old Shite. Git Over It! “California on my Mind MINE? MiNd? No, I Don’t Mind! I No Longer Have The TIME! (NOR The Damn Dime Neither)”

Yeah, I am Lazy. I Keep Re-Postin’ Old Shite. Git Over It! “California on my Mind MINE? MiNd? No, I Don’t Mind! I No Longer Have The TIME! (NOR The Damn Dime Neither)”

MinD???
wHUT mIND? wHUT IS dAT?
Did I ever possess Such a Thing? Continue reading

Running in Soft Sand: SEAL Training Part Three. But Truthfully More Alternate Stuff (I’ll Write Another ‘Proper’ BUD/s Post Soon)

Running in Soft Sand: SEAL Training Part Three. But Truthfully More Alternate Stuff (I’ll Write Another ‘Proper’ BUD/s Post Soon)

I actually know this meme-guy: he was an Instructor in BUD/s Class 158. I was there.
Do You Dare to Care?

Continue reading

Jennifer Gray. OKay? I Slightly Up-Dated This Chocolate Mess: If I Were Twenty Years Younger I’d Give Her All Of My Money Just For One Kiss: Oh Hell To The Hell Yeah!

Jennifer Gray. OKay? I Slightly Up-Dated This Chocolate Mess: If I Were Twenty Years Younger I’d Give Her All Of My Money Just For One Kiss: Oh Hell To The Hell Yeah!

This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Continue reading

I LOVE Amy Adams! Julie and Julia. And Yes! This Post is All-Fukked-Up! I May Try To Fix It Later, But Don’t Hold Yer Breath. See Ya Laters Alligators!  Never Apologetic

I LOVE Amy Adams! Julie and Julia. And Yes! This Post is All-Fukked-Up! I May Try To Fix It Later, But Don’t Hold Yer Breath. See Ya Laters Alligators! Never Apologetic

Fuk it
I am going to re-post all of my posts.
For posterity purposes.
Get over it.
You don’t have to read.
Find something better to do.
With your
time. Continue reading

It is Quite Within the Realm of Possibility That I am Drunk,  “Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”

It is Quite Within the Realm of Possibility That I am Drunk, “Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”

Dateline: 1989 Subic Bay Naval Base / Olongapo City, Philippines 1600hrs

“Knock Off Ship’s Work! Liberty Call! Liberty Call!” reverberated from the 1MC onboard the USS Frederick, LST 1184.

Simultaneously about a hundred sailors went into Fred Flintstone Mode:

“Yabba Dabba Dooo!!” Continue reading

“I Know This Goddamn Life Too Well–Janis Supper-Time  And The Liver Is Greasy: “The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said,

“I Know This Goddamn Life Too Well–Janis Supper-Time And The Liver Is Greasy: “The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said,

Cred The Beatles Duh Go Rent a Wife ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’ -With Apologies to Lewis Carroll” “Is That The Moon–Dear Clown–Tied to a String For Me?“ “Lots of Forty-Watt Successes–Where’s My Own Shinin’ Hour?” “Just More Bang-Bang Ketchup Color To Him… Color To … Continue reading

I Absolutely Love These Broads mY Humble Tribute To The Highwomen: “Lance, Go Get Wrecked!”

I Absolutely Love These Broads mY Humble Tribute To The Highwomen: “Lance, Go Get Wrecked!”

“Okay… Have it your way.” I’ll do it my Way! U Fukkin’ OK With That? Yay Lance! Kiss Yer Asss G’Bye–Somewhere There’s A Scooner sinkin’…. Oh Fuk this! I can’t write for shite! Not now Lance! You Idiot! “Lance, kiss yer ass goodbye.” “I’ll Do it my way. OK?” I was once once A Sailor… … Continue reading

Late Spring Cleanin’: Or, ‘Fishin’ by the creek’, Your Choice

Late Spring Cleanin’: Or, ‘Fishin’ by the creek’, Your Choice

I am cleaning out some old posts and kickin’ ’em to the curb Please bare with me. (Bear? Is that a word? Or just an animal?) Anyhow… Read if you will. (And if not, well, thanks for the auto-likes) Cheers! *** ‘Three-Nine-Six-One-Three Bruning Street Fremont California: 1964-1968’ Funny how I still remember the street address … Continue reading

This is Too Damn Long and The Font Too Damn Small–Sorry. ‘The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said,  ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’  -With Apologies to Lewis Carroll

This is Too Damn Long and The Font Too Damn Small–Sorry. ‘The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said, ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’ -With Apologies to Lewis Carroll

sad Dtpry Continue reading

Another VERY LONG PEANUT TALE….”This Never Got Any Play: The Snapping Turtles Part Probably Killed It…” And by the way, this is a true story. I don’t write fiction. No good at it and no need for it.

Another VERY LONG PEANUT TALE….”This Never Got Any Play: The Snapping Turtles Part Probably Killed It…” And by the way, this is a true story. I don’t write fiction. No good at it and no need for it.

“We’re goin’ camping out to The Lake,” Peanut announced. “You gonna come, or what?” Continue reading

I Still So Much Miss My Sis! I Will NEVER  Allow Her Memory To Die.

I Still So Much Miss My Sis! I Will NEVER Allow Her Memory To Die.

l am really missing my sister.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
Her Untimely death
Really FUCKED Me
UP!
But this should not be
ABOUT ME!
It should only be about my Madelyn
I loved her so much! But I don’t think I ever fucking told her!
“Pity-Party much Lance?”
“Fuck Off!” Said Lance Continue reading

If You Don’t Mine, It Don’t Matter

If You Don’t Mine, It Don’t Matter

  There is sand in the Sinai Desert. Lots of sand. There is wind in the Sinai Desert. Lots of wind. There are landmines in the Sinai Desert. Lots of landmines, some dating back to the ’56 war. Most of them are still functional. When wind and sand collide, the sand moves. In waves. The … Continue reading

Mind Blown! Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket

Mind Blown! Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket

This Post is a Continuation of a Promise I made to Me (And to Y’all, Gentle Readers) to write about Sinai Field Mission. For brevity’s sake (The Soul of Wit), I am breaking it down into snippets. To catch the back story, actually the forward story, please go here: No Bare Feet Beyond This Point. … Continue reading

Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket

Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket

This Post is a Continuation of a Promise I made to Me (And to Y’all, Gentle Readers) to write about Sinai Field Mission. For brevity’s sake (The Soul of Wit), I am breaking it down into snippets. To catch the back story, actually the forward story, please go here: No Bare Feet Beyond This Point. … Continue reading

This is all Bull-Shit, Albeit True Bull-Shite… Just a Few More Five Random Memories from my Many Years Spen’t in Israel, Egypt, Gaza, and Sinai. (And Also Iraq, Jordan, and Afghanistan)

This is all Bull-Shit, Albeit True Bull-Shite… Just a Few More Five Random Memories from my Many Years Spen’t in Israel, Egypt, Gaza, and Sinai. (And Also Iraq, Jordan, and Afghanistan)

Next Year In Jer! Continue reading

Guess I Could Never Do Nothin’ Right: Fuch off My Life In Paris, or Dreaming of Paris–France I am So Ashamed of Texan Me! Je parle Francais Yeah, I  Almost Married An Actress Named ‘Kim’

Guess I Could Never Do Nothin’ Right: Fuch off My Life In Paris, or Dreaming of Paris–France I am So Ashamed of Texan Me! Je parle Francais Yeah, I Almost Married An Actress Named ‘Kim’

“The Lamp is Broken On The Mantel” Continue reading

PRO-‘VANITY’ WARNING! Gone Fishin’: Peanut, Lance, and Bow-Fishin’. Inspiration Graciously Provided By Tom Sawyer & Huck Finn (And Samuel Clemens)

PRO-‘VANITY’ WARNING! Gone Fishin’: Peanut, Lance, and Bow-Fishin’. Inspiration Graciously Provided By Tom Sawyer & Huck Finn (And Samuel Clemens)

Carp. It’s Not Just For Breakfast Anymore

Continue reading

Kiss’d His Ass Good-Bye…  She’s Not Here. She Was Too Busy Yu See, Busily Fucking Her New Erstwhile Boyfriend,

Kiss’d His Ass Good-Bye… She’s Not Here. She Was Too Busy Yu See, Busily Fucking Her New Erstwhile Boyfriend,

Do Not Read Me
I Am
Crazy! Continue reading

My Feeble Mind is GONE! Endeavor to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive! Hey Lib-Tards! Oh! I’m So Fukkin’ Sorry For Lovin’ And Servin’ The Country I Love So Fuckin; Much!

My Feeble Mind is GONE! Endeavor to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive! Hey Lib-Tards! Oh! I’m So Fukkin’ Sorry For Lovin’ And Servin’ The Country I Love So Fuckin; Much!

This Post is a WIP
Rest
Assurred
This Asshole
Has not Yet begun
To Fight!
I Shall Re-Turn
For
Now
It is
Yer
Turn
Continue reading

I Miss Memphis! I Am Such a MORON! Just For Fun Re-Run: Escape From Memphis–Chapter Ten: Psychiatrist Interrogation, or “Last F*cking Chance For Romance–Asshole!”

I Miss Memphis! I Am Such a MORON! Just For Fun Re-Run: Escape From Memphis–Chapter Ten: Psychiatrist Interrogation, or “Last F*cking Chance For Romance–Asshole!”

Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest: “How long have you been drinking?” Continue reading

“No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” This is a Re-Constructed–De-Constricted, Sane-It-Sized For Your Protection, Old Post.

“No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” This is a Re-Constructed–De-Constricted, Sane-It-Sized For Your Protection, Old Post.

Lance Marcom is Frickkin’ Stupid
Continue reading

Just A Little ‘Friendly Reminder’ (Fuuck U WP) To Anyone Who Ever Has The Foolish Desire To Fuc* With Me: “Home, Home On The Range: The ‘Gun Range’ That Is”

Just A Little ‘Friendly Reminder’ (Fuuck U WP) To Anyone Who Ever Has The Foolish Desire To Fuc* With Me: “Home, Home On The Range: The ‘Gun Range’ That Is”

CAUTION: I Do A Little Bit, NO. I Do A Lot Of Shameless Braggin’ In This Post: Read At Your Own Annoyance Continue reading

“Never Run Tell That!” Unless of course… “You can’t take the hot lead enema.”–Lenny Bruce

“Never Run Tell That!” Unless of course… “You can’t take the hot lead enema.”–Lenny Bruce

My British Girlfriend is a poker-player.
A real good poker-player.
A really very good poker player.

I am NOT a really very good poker-player
Continue reading

“Insanity” Is Just A Scare Word. It’s Only A State of Lost Mind. Please Read This. If Only To Merely Validate The Current Condition of My Condition.

“Insanity” Is Just A Scare Word. It’s Only A State of Lost Mind. Please Read This. If Only To Merely Validate The Current Condition of My Condition.

I Love New York City
Shhhhh!
Don’t tell Any Texans You May Know
It Won’t Be Nothin’ Nice
They’ll Clip My Wings
And Throw me UNDER The Alamo Continue reading

Quadruple Jeopardy. No. No No! NO!! Don’t Re-Post! “Moldy  Moldy Old Oldie Re-Run, (Just Fer Fun)–Tattoo or ‘This is Awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’

Quadruple Jeopardy. No. No No! NO!! Don’t Re-Post! “Moldy Moldy Old Oldie Re-Run, (Just Fer Fun)–Tattoo or ‘This is Awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’

Yes. I’ve done some incredibly stupid shit in my time. Continue reading

“A Raccoon’s Tale” Re-Writ & Expanded. I Am Right Over-Proud Of It–True Story. Never Fails to Amuse Me. First Sign of Insanity: You Laugh At Your Own Jokes.

“A Raccoon’s Tale” Re-Writ & Expanded. I Am Right Over-Proud Of It–True Story. Never Fails to Amuse Me. First Sign of Insanity: You Laugh At Your Own Jokes.

My Mind?
Huh? Continue reading

‘Ree-Pete’ Has Returned To My Mouse-House. Looking Rather ‘Shop-Worn’ About The Edges. Please Say ‘Howdy’ To Him. He is Lonely and Afraid. Afraid of Silence & of Darkness.

‘Ree-Pete’ Has Returned To My Mouse-House. Looking Rather ‘Shop-Worn’ About The Edges. Please Say ‘Howdy’ To Him. He is Lonely and Afraid. Afraid of Silence & of Darkness.

I have no worthy words to describe her beauty Continue reading

Re-Runs Are Fun! —“Letter From a South Park Jail” Letter The First: Part One (Apology to MLK for Shamelessly Appropriating A Great Title)

Re-Runs Are Fun! —“Letter From a South Park Jail” Letter The First: Part One (Apology to MLK for Shamelessly Appropriating A Great Title)

I need to be ‘institutionalized’ somewhere far far away. A place where life is tenuous at worst and exciting at best and the pay is good and booze is scarce and the women are… well, usually not to be found, except on the Internet Continue reading

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”

It was a long and winding road which led me to South Park home base. As I was trudging along, sweating my ass off, I kept reminding myself of the New Yorker’s directions given to someone looking to get to Texas from NYC:

“Head west until you smell shit. That’s Oklahoma. Go south until you step in it. That’s Texas.” Continue reading

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Three: “The Bored Walk”

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Three: “The Bored Walk”

The Briefing was Brief:

“This here’s the van gonna take you. Leaves at zero five hunnert, an’ it’ll leave without ch’all, so doan wander off.” Continue reading

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Two (Yes A Re-Tread)

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Two (Yes A Re-Tread)

“If You Do Not Make Muster and Sign In You Will Not Be Paid. And Furthermore: Not Making Muster Will Result In Disciplinary Action Up To And Including Termination (And An Ass Rendering Administered By Conan Our Resident Barbarian) Thank You for Complying and have a nice day…yada yada yada.”

South Park HQ Continue reading

You’ve Got to Give a Little. To Get A Little.  Kindness is the Best Cure for all ills. Try It; It Works Like A Charm. Every Time.

You’ve Got to Give a Little. To Get A Little. Kindness is the Best Cure for all ills. Try It; It Works Like A Charm. Every Time.

This is a sappy, yet heart-felt post.
I really do try to give back to our community. I love our community.
Happy Days, Y’alls. All of Y’alls Continue reading

Must Re-Post. Sorry–I Am Lonely & Wallowing In Mine Own Self-Pity. So I ‘Drown’ My Sorrows In The Deep Well of Lady Mac-Bee. (And In The Shallow Well of Cheap Vodka)

Must Re-Post. Sorry–I Am Lonely & Wallowing In Mine Own Self-Pity. So I ‘Drown’ My Sorrows In The Deep Well of Lady Mac-Bee. (And In The Shallow Well of Cheap Vodka)

‘Shakespearean’ Kind of Day. Continue reading