I need to be taken out and shot in the head.
TWICE! Continue reading
Please Re-Visit: I Am Infatuated With Ginger Spice. “I Just Did An Incredibly STUPID Thing!” (As I Tend To Do)
I need to be taken out and shot in the head.
TWICE! Continue reading
This is far Beyond Stupid. “Should I Go For It?”
Wad’yall Say? ‘Should‘ I go for it? ‘ Continue reading
Why Do I Torture Me With Old Memories? “Henry The “Just A Dog, Dog”–And Now His Watch Has Ended” (Drinkin’ Will Kill You Slow; Delirium Tremens (DTs) Will Kill Ya Quick.)
Dana Perino recently lost her Vizsla. I know how much that hurts. They are special dogs. The loss of Henry really fucked me up. I have yet to recover. Continue reading
Stupid Re-Post–Sorry-Not Sorry– did I re-poster-Test This Already? I Suck! HOLLYWOOD! Up-Dated!! Re-Visit This One Y’all. It is fu*king Awesome! The Vids! The Vids! The Vids! Ignore My Prose! Watch the Videos!
In Need indeed, needs more love. Continue reading
Yep. I’m a Re-Spamming Asshole. (Slightly Improved And Sanitized For Your Protection) “FOOTBALL! The Stuff That Makes Dreams”
“Welcome to The Real America.” I was Born in Texas. I grew up in Texas. This is my fault. However… This is (Above) THE BEST Television Show About Growing Up Texan That Ever Was, Or Ever Will Be. Case Rested. Believe it not, I lived this life. I grew up, immersed in this culture. Ass-Deep. … Continue reading
Happy Belated B’Day Birthday TEXAS! (I Forgot to Go Get Drunk On Lone Star)
Brother Dave on Texas: Today is Texas Independence Day! THE ORIGINAL DIXIE CHICKS Sorry the photos are fukked up. I don’t know why WordPress tries to get ‘Cute.’ Actually, I DO KNOW: WordPress is Fucking Useless! LAURA LYNCH – EMILY ERWIN – MARTIE ERWIN – ROBIN LYNN MACY (Above and below) MARTIE ERWIN – ROBIN … Continue reading
Up-Dated (Can’t Take ‘The Nav’ Outta The Boy) “Don’t RUST On My Parade”
“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!”
I had to admit. Yes they were. Continue reading
Time: Finite Resource. One Last Re-Spam / Shit Post:–“Honesty”–Then I Think I’m Done. Maybe. “Time Doth Make Cowards of us All”
I should have been put to sleep years ago. Continue reading
Still Shakespeare: “Look like th’innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t” or “Come you spirits, That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here.”
Screw it! Re-spam it! I love my own post. Well this one anyway,
It needs more love.
Most of Y’all have seen it, but some newbies may have not.
“Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?”
–Lady Macbeth Continue reading
Haaha! Re-Post. “My Mother The Car”
Sometime shortly after I mustered out of the U.S. Navy… I found me suddenly in need of a car, a vehicle, a mode of transport Continue reading
This Seems to be be Popular–Don’t Know Why–Maybe Some Have Not Seen It. is Waaaayyy too Long. Almost a Novella. Read if You’re Really Bored. Screw IT! I’ll Re-post it Anyway: Shark Fishing Ed. Note: Lance May Be Drunk
Consider the Subtleness of the sea Continue reading
“I Want to be Alone” –Greta Garbo
I am VERY happy with my life right now (Just as Long As nobody fuc*ks with me.) Continue reading
Most of My Shit Today is Lazy Writing: Stream of Consciousness Writing. Bullshit Incoherent ‘Writing’ Bull-Shite Writing. Anyone can do That. I want more out of me.
This is messed up Continue reading
I Must Re-Post This Because It Makes Me sad & And I Love My Pity-Parties. “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.”–W. Shakespeare (this is really long–please try to slog thru it)
n 1971 when my step-sister Madelyn and I were fourteen and thirteen respectively Continue reading
Yeah. I’m Just Screwin’ Around. “Coping With Hagen” I am so tired. I Caint Walk. My legs have Stopped Working.
“WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CAN CAUSE GUM DISEASE AND MOUTH CANCER” Now they tell me I may be properly fucked (Well at least it don’t cause WuFlu) Chris Ledoux-Copenhagen: How I live my life (But Y’all already know this): Video compilation credit: biggestkkfan
I Really Don’t Like to Use Euphemisms, Clichés, Vapid Expressions, ‘Nice-Polite-Speech,’ Trite Sayings, Bull-Shite! I Hate That! With All My Might!
Don’t Be a Cliché
Okay?
And never be ‘nice’
I hate ‘nice’
Nice is just mice
And I am a fucking cat
A black one with attitude. Continue reading
I’m Really Having a Bad Day, Problem Today! I Miss My Sister! “Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)” I Was in Denial for Years! Now, recently, the dark, stark realization washes over me, I cannot deal with this! I Miss My Sis! I Miss My Sister!
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo)
Found ourselves standing before Daddy.
In His Study. Continue reading
Must Re-Post Because I’m An Idiot. And a Sentimental Old Fool. “Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses–Or, What You Will (“And you know that she’s half-crazy”–therein lies the attraction…)”
Suzanne needs more love.
Lance does too.
And so does this post Continue reading
I am so Very Proud of the Brave Ukrainians. They are Standing Their Ground And Holding Fast In Spite of all odds against them. God Be With Them!
Muther-Fuk Putin
Continue reading
(The Font is Too Damn Small–Hope Y’all Can Read it–I Tried To Fix it, But I Grew Bored.) “I Miss Peanut So Much! He was My Very Best Friend. In Keeping With TTales & Hieroglyphs Virtual Ink Green Earth Policy…”
We would like to Recycle This: Hauling Hay For Fun & Profit: It’s been a while since I have written about Peanut but he has been on my mind of late Continue reading
Re-Post Because I Can! The Brilliance & & Just Pure D Funniness & Sagaciousness That is Julie Nolke! I love her more than CASH Money!
Watch Julie
You won’t regret your time spent.
I promise.
No Shit! Continue reading
Yeah. I am re-watching this. The Greatest transition in the history of Film. Stanley Kubrick 2001
Please Watch “Dave, Do You Mind If I ask You A Personal Question?”
Sorry Kids. I Havta Re-Post This B/cuz I Am bor’d Outta My Mind. “The Flat-Bed Truck and The Pastel Sun-Dress.”
Sorry Kids. I Have To Re-Post This. B’Cuz I am Bor’ Continue reading
More Re-Spam: “The Letter Said He Was Reported Dead.”
“Near the front lines he’d been found. A mine blew his jeep into a twisted heap. And I still hear the sound Of the wheel that kept spinnin’ ’round.” Continue reading
Hahahaha! Another Shameless Re-Post. Someone Recently ‘Discovered’ This—So Natch! What Does Lance Do? He Re-Spams It!
Unknown Brain – Dead (ft. KAZHI) Laughing My Fucking Ass Off! This is a True, Recent Story: Not Something From ‘The Archives.’ No Names Have Been Changed To Protect Innocents Continue reading
I Am So Sorry: But I Must Re-Post This–I Love Laughing at my Life’s History. “These Boots Ain’t Made For Walkin’” Or “Boot Scootin’ Bogie”
Shortly after I moved from Winnsboro to Honey Grove my grandmother decided it would be a grand idea for the two of us to take a road trip out west to Levelland, Continue reading
True Grit Redux. Yes! A Warmed-Over Shit Re-Post.
This is, I think the third post I ever published. Thought I would resurrect it for some who may not have seen it, as it is buried deep in the archives. And not that it is particularly that good, but is is all I have, waiting on Throw-Back Thursday… (And because I am working on … Continue reading
Gotta Re-Even Re-Post–“London Bridge Has Fallen Down; Now I Know Why”
When I was working in Basra my gig allowed two weeks R&R every two months or so. Sounds like a deal, eh? Well yes it was. Be aware however, we worked seven days a week, ten hours a day. NO days off. So do the math; we earned it. And of course we were getting shelled … Continue reading
Melanie! (Yes. I am a Slut and A Lover of Women-Kind–Wish They Were All Mine.)
RERUN
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME.
I AM JUST LIVING IN A
FANTASY – LAND – IN
MY
MIND….
I suppose, for just a moment… I am fucking lonely…
Continue reading
Yes. It Is Stormy Outside… My Internet is Probably Gonna Die. Maybe I’ll Find a Good Book to Live In. With a Flashlight. See Next Post to Discover From Where I Stole That Quote.
Fuck Climate! And Texas Weather! Lena Horne – Stormy Weather (1943) She is so much Too Much Beautiful
Yes! I Have Pissed in a-lot of Sinks! Daily Lenny: A Perverse Act, Pissing in the Stink
C’mon Guys (and Gals) fess up: Have you ever pissed in a sink?
I know I have. Continue reading
Fuk This! I’ll Re-post it! Out On Some Limb… Clinging to a Branch-True Texan Style
Time. Time to git over it all.
20 Years of …
Never
Ever
Forget.
But, forgive them Chicks.
Those were heady times, chock full of emotion.
This is Just A Teaser For A Future Post I Have Bouncing Around In Me Head
Here is the Theme Song: “Never say Die” Or… “So Many Hearts Get Broken in The Push an’ Shove” (The Chicks)
I’m A-Gonna Attempt to Re-Post this Just One More Time–And NO! I Cannot Properly Edit This! Fuk Yu Word-Press!
Premise of a Promise I keep trying to fulfill Continue reading
Did I already re-Post This? Fuk it! Shut Up! Here it is aGAIN. My Good & Much Valued Dear Friends… “Wonderful World of Worthy Writers!”
I want to be worthy someday.
And I wish Michelle would answer my email.
Just once. Continue reading
Some Asshole on FOX News Just Referred to Ukraine as a ‘Situation’ Huh? It is a fU^KNH’Wwar! Asshole!
It is a WAR Asshole! I Gots so much opinion on this…. Maybe Later I’ll share. Continue reading
Someone Please Stop Me–I Needs An Intervention, “This Would Love Another Look. (If You’re A Film Buff) “The Rise and Fall Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise. CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS—In More Ways Than One”
And This Post Is Mainly Directed
At
Film Buffs In General
And
‘Alien’ Fans In Particular. Continue reading
Ukraine! Ukraine! Ukraine!
I am so heart-sick! Mother*Fu*k You PuTin! The Brave Ukrainians are fighting their asses off Continue reading
Sorry Kids. I am stupid Drunk— Had to Re-Post This—Expanded A Bit. I Miss My Navy SEAL Training Daze! “Happy Cockeyed Optimist. I’m Stuck Like a Dope With a Thing called ‘Hope’–C’est Moi!” I am Stupid Naive!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy! Happy! Happy!
Cockeyed Optimist! Continue reading
Yeppers Re-Shit! “Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife” Or Am I Losing My Mind. (U-Boob Keeps Saying “Parsing”– WTF Does That Even Mean?—I am Just tryin’ to Download a fuckin’ Vid!)
For the life of me, I could not spy a single pool table nor a shuffle board nor even an air hockey table. Certainly no mechanical bull.
Honky-Tonk Travesty! Continue reading
Yep! Re-Shit-Posting… “The Biker, Bouncer, Bartender, Big-Boned Gal From Milwaukee” or “Bloody Mary Mourning–Baby Left Me Without Warning”
This was a fun post to ‘rework’, so I ‘re-worked’ it.
Now,
Yer job is to ‘re-read’ it.
Tits for tats.
I do you.
You do me.
This is how this works.
And, never fear. Someday I will finish this story; just as soon as the statue of limit runs out, or falls down. Yeah, it gets messy. Continue reading
Don’t Bother; This is Bull-Shite. “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “Denouement” or “You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the Just seams”
Alternate Title: “Fairy-Tales can come true; it can happen to you if you’re young at heart.
Continue reading
Welll Shite! I Have Lost Me Mind! “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “This is (NOT) The End” or “I Heard You Been Layin’ My Old Lady”
The three Harleys were gaining on me as I sped southbound down Interstate Five. It was still dark and the traffic was light. I floored the pedal on the Toranado, but I knew they would eventually catch up to me. Continue reading
I Know This is a Re-Run–Annie Git Yer Gun. Just For Fun—Ask Me If I Care. If You Dare. “Pain (A-Gin) I love MY NAVY! ‘Cause I’m Scrazy & Lazy. & And Just a Little Bit Crazy-In My Mind…
Afg has brought me Pain Again. Picking up from the last half-chapter
Continue reading
Fake News–Assholes
Yes! The rumors Are True:
I’m An Asshole!
Continue reading
This is Reeely Reeeely Long. So What Does Lance Do? He Re-Posts it! Listening / Watching Audrey Sing “Moon River” ALWAYS Makes Me Cry, But Then, I am A Hopeless, Helpless Hapless Romantic. Ain’t I?—
I repost this only for Audrey.
And of course for Shonnie:
That one that got away…. Continue reading
“One Day, Sum’Day, Y’ull Be Cool.” Pete–Re-Pete–Last Throw-Back: “One Day, You’ll Be Cool.” I Miss My Sis So Much!
I so much Miss My Sis! I LOV’D / love her so MUCH! (Update 2021: Now she’s Dead! G’Dammmit!
Continue reading
Yep Y’all! “Texas (no longer) Monthly. Joe Hill in here somewhere–scroll the fu#k down) Yeah, I am a f*cking Socialist. Scroll the fuk down. I Put Some work & thought Into This Bitch.
As Promised.
Joe Hill. Continue reading
I am Re-Posting This… Because… Just Be-Cuz.. “Lyndon Johnson, Just Another Schmuck Lookin’ Out for His Nuts” (And Once More, WP Won’t Let Me Properly EDIT This!–GD U WP!!) I Miss My Big Sis–My Madelyn.
Yes. A Repost. If you do nothing else, please scroll down and listen to the clip.
Duh!!!
Continue reading
My Head is Spinning
Head Spin Continue reading
I love Ever’Thang Whut Puks Its Own Self Out Out Of MY Texas! I May Be Drunk. Sorry If This Post Is All Fukked Up. I Might Fix It Later, But Do Not Set Yer Watch… Or Use Yer TI CalculatoR! Kinda, Sorta, Maybe, Updated, Expanded, Or Not….More Janis! gain Mama!” (Apologies to Janis Joplin)
My mother was probably
“The Original Hippy Chick.”
When Haight-Asbury was in full bloom, she would not shut up about it until we went there.
I knew a little of the ‘Hippy Culture’ back then, yet had no desire to experience it ‘up close an’ personal.’ Mom did.
Continue reading
X-Panded (A Little–Added Donna–I Love Evr’y Thing About Her) Did I Already Re-Post This? Screw It! I Don’t Care.
The Lamp is broken on the mantle.
My mind is blown and it’s goin’ away.
It’s gettin’ more than I can handle…
Putin is Insane!
Yep
I am Pissed
Fuk Putin!
I Keep Walking On Walls Just to Keep My Sanity About Me. Just stop spinnin My Head–I Just wanna go to bed.
Cred: The Police–I think. Hello? Hello Walk the Line (2005) Trailer: (Ooops I screwed this up–try agin.) Johnny Cash – I Walk the Line (Man in Black: Live in Denmark)
I Love My Life Lived! I have Lived! “Five Random Memories from my Three Years Spent in Israel, Egypt, Gaza, and Sinai” The “Holy” Lands.
Did I already repost this?
Memory is failing.
“memory is like that, yeah it is.” Continue reading
I Have a Very Complicated Personal–Historical Relationship With Religion–Needless to Say–
God Has Blessed me with a mind of mine own
And Free Will. Continue reading
Yeah. I am a Hopeless, Hapless Romantic (And a Fool) I am Re-posting This For My Dead Sister. She Would Appreciate It. I Miss Her Wit So Much.
She Will Read It, Perhaps In Heaven Which, if There is Such a Place Continue reading
Stupid is as Stupid Does–Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I? I Don’t Know Yet.
“Bonus Super Duper” is a must watch.
Trust me.
I’m with the Government. Continue reading
STFU Lance! Go Rent a Life! “Mandy’s of the World: Unite! Steer Clear of Lance A. Marcom! (Trust Me On This One Ladies)”
OH MANDY! WHERE ARE YOU NOW?!
When I Need You The Most. Continue reading
Yeah. Still Re-Shit-Posting–My Dream Girl–I Was Born too Late — Or Perhaps Too Early–“Memory Lane: Yeah! I Am Still Drunk Outta My Brain. I LOVE Lauren Bacall! That’s ALL!–My ‘Dream-Lover’ “Anybody got a Match?”
“Anybody got a match?”
Yeah, I got a match:
Bogie and Bacall. Continue reading
I Don’t Know What Went Wrong With Lance. I Cannot Fix Him–Believe Me: I Have Tried. Too Many Times. All Without Any Semblance of Success. I Don’t Know whether to Shit or go Blind
This is purported to be a long post, but now I Don’t know… Continue reading
WIP: Work In Continual Die-Gress! I Guess. Hahahaha! “I LOVE MY TEXAS (And Once Agin, Gin and WP Fucked My Edit–I Forgave The Gin, Not The W’d-Press Sin)
I LOVE MY TEXAS Continue reading
I’m Re-Shit-Posting This Be’cuz I am an Idiot.Happiness is Lubbock… Rear-view mirror.
“Too much gin an’ not enough vermouth…” Why, oh why do I love that quote?
In My Continuing Vane Saga of Vain Stupidity: This Post Requires Mo’ Luv: It is All About Alcohol-hisem’es “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”
My childhood was kinda messed up. Continue reading
Verily Related to My Last: Here is a Life-Lesson To Heed: “Never Drive A Shredder Over Small-Arms Ammunition.” (You’re Welcome.)”
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Not an everyday alcoholic, but he did have a schedule and he stuck to it religiously Continue reading
HaHaHaJah! My Mind Has Departed for Destinations Unknown. “Armadillos Should Not Golf–ReDux’d & Re-Writ”
Yes. I am Inane & Insane Continue reading
I Love Laughing At Me & My Constant Folly! “HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back”
This is Just the ‘Trailer’ Full Movie Coming Soon To A Theater Near You. Soon, Very Soon Continue reading
OK: Last Re-Run. I Sorta Promise. “Delirium Tremens Man Showed. And This Time He Wasn’t Playin’”
Sunday Morning, one A.M. and I had just run out of booze. Bad News. Continue reading
Re-Run. Re-Run. Re-Run Alert! (Up-Dated, Slightly Inebriated, and Slightly Expand-i-Cated Old Post and has been Sanitized for your Protection–J/K) Fuk U FB!
For Any Enquiring Minds Who Give-A-Shit: I recently deleted My Face-Fuk Account of 12 Years. Guess what happened next. Continue reading
I am just a Foolish Fool! Up-Dated–I Cannot Wrap My Moron Mind Around How I Managed To Leave Out Some Of The Most Important Vids! “She’s Like The Wind”–“Just A Fool to Believe”—Profanity Warning.
This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Continue reading
Continuation: Random Memories from The Middle East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh (Profanity Caution)
I sped off still heading south. I observed her fade fast in my rear view mirror Continue reading
More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai
The IDF soldier navigated down the hill as Janet got ‘properly’ dressed inside our tent to greet our visitor. I didn’t bother. I figured cut-offs and no shirt just fine. Continue reading
So What? I’m Stupid. Israel is on my Mind. Uniquely Random Memories from the Middle East Continued
“We made love in that birdhouse after sundown. And with the door open. And why not? We were young. (And we had all that ‘Diplomatic Immunity’ bullshit to boot)”
Continue reading
Empty Boxes
Food bankrupt
Continue reading
Yeah. This is Warmed-Over Shite. Ask Me How Many Fuks I Give. DO NOT READ THIS ONE EITHER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! “More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars”
I once knew a Theist named Kent
He told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent Continue reading
Had To Had To Had To! Just Had To. I Need To ‘Finish’ This. Re-Write This. Everything About This Post is Pissing Me Off. It Is Poorly Written. It Don’t Pass Muster. Profanity Caution.
Someone made her gravestone before she was even dead.
WTF?! Continue reading
Yeah! Re-Shit-Post! Sue Me! Good Luck With That. “Hem” (Vids In This Post Are Still “Converting”–Just Do What Ya Havta Do WP, But Get To It And Do It–Smartly–Stop Wasting My Time!)
“The way into understanding him is through the relationships with women in his life.” Continue reading
Welcome to My Pity Party. Pull Up a Chair. The Bar is Open (and free) Post Only For Ela, (Elizabeth) The Sexy Goddess: Last and Last and Last Wife I Will Ever Be Blessed To Have
Throwing away Good Women Is My Primary Profession.
Second is Regret and Self-Pity
(Those come as kind of a ‘set’)
Third is….
I have not figured out yet..
I’ll get back to you. Continue reading
Why Not Re-Post? I Am Drunk. That’s My Excuse. What’s Yours? “Christmas in Cali, Circa Sixty-Seven.
Christmas of ’67.
I shall never forget it.
Nope.
Never. Continue reading
No. No No! Don’t Re-Post! “Moldy Moldy Old Oldie Re-Run, (Just Fer Fun)–Tattoo (or ‘This is awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’) Or… “Don’t Shit Where You Eat.”
Yes. I’ve done some incredibly stupid shit in my time. Continue reading
Re-Postin’ Shite Just To Keep My Mind Right & Myself Amused. Please Ignore
Yes! I am a Vain Idiot! I’m dizzy My keyboard is blurry Thank God I know how to ‘touch type’ (Proof-Reading is Problematical However) Tom Waits for no Man!
Yeah. I’m Drunk. Still Shit-Re-Postin’ And On My Southern Religion Kick Stichk. Still On My ‘Faith’ & Southern Women –The Two Are The Same–Only A Southerner Will Understand, “My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen”
Yes! Continue reading
Just Thought I Should Re-Post This; Since I Seem To Have gone “Off The Rails.” Of Late. Faith–“First Do No Harm.”
Against the good advice from one of my most loyal and sincere readers, I am gonna repost just one more…. for clarity. Continue reading
Yes. Recently, I Have Endeavored To Apologize for My Profanity. (AKA ‘Potty Mouth’) And Therefore In The Doing So, Lost All My Mirth. But Now I Have Decided to Not Mend My Speech. Nor Apologize. Sorry–Not Sorry.
I use a lot.
A lot of Profanity
What can I say?
I am a Texan / Sailor
Or a Sailor / Texan.
‘Tis my nature.
Never mean to offend. Continue reading
This is a No-Shitter–A True “Sea-Story” It Happened. For Reals–Just as I Wrote it. “Minnow Madness”
A No-Shitter Continue reading
Another Looong Re-Spam. Screw it. I am Bored. I Need a Nap. Go Navy! Beat Army! This Post DESERVES More love! C’mon Y’all! Apocalypse Wow!
Sorry Y’all, but I must repost this because I have made a new Friend, a Veteran, and I want him to be able to find it and hopefully read it.
Even tho, he is a Marine… Hell, I’ll forgive him that. We are both patriots. Continue reading
Still Re-Shit Posting. “It’s The Time of the Season to Be Happy & Rejoice! Git After It Y’all. “More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”–A Re-Werked, Marvelous-Much Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Season. Please Enjoy.
MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL Continue reading
This is Too Damn Long and The Font Too Damn Small–Sorry. ‘The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said, ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’ -With Apologies to Lewis Carroll
“Nap time!” That hated time. That dreaded time. That feared time. Why? Because I did not know my left foot from my right foot. You see, during “Nap Time” I had to remove my shoes and I could never figure out which shoe went on which foot. Made no difference to me if I woke … Continue reading
Screw It. Re-Boot It. “Running in Soft Sand: Part Two” Profanity Alert!
The Below is Somewhat of a Rant Interlude (before I get to the rest of my story): Read at Your Own Annoyance. Continue reading
Ukraine
Screw Scootin’ Putin Continue reading
Just fer FUN! Have Half a Laugh, a Laugh On Me!—! “Life Lesson Learned: Don’t Go ’round Kicking Sinai Spiders in The Ass! (Uh, This One Ain’t No Re-Run. It be brand-spankin’ New)” OK: I Lied. Sue Me! Good Luck!
Revisit this one.
I just thought it was fucking funny.
Mainly because it is a true story. Continue reading
Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket & Then Promptly Fell Hard For A Sabra (I Never Fully Recovered)
Shalom Continue reading
Teaser: Operation Entebbe:
I arrived thirteen months and change after the ‘Event’. Continue reading
Yes. I am a Just A Stupid Sentimental Old Fool. Please Wish Me Well. “This Is Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’)”
Sentimental
Or
Just Mental” Continue reading
This Still Makes Me Cry Whenever I Re-Live It. (Perhaps I should Stop Doing That) “The Funeral” DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LOVE CATS. You have been properly warned.
This is a f*cked up sad, true story.
I need to not dwell.
Oh Well.
Sometimes revisited grief is the best kind.
It clears the mind
Reminds me that I am human
And Have Love Inside Me
And Breaks My Heart Continue reading
OK–So I Lied–Never Believe Anything Said By A Sailor/Texan “I Need a Brand New Key” Or “Adventures in Alcohol-(isms)” Or, “Driving While Blind”
I Cannot Be Trusted
Continue reading
OK: One Last Expanded “Moldie Oldie” (For Today) I AM WORKING ON A BRAND-NEW Post–Look For It Later “What a Piece of Work Is A Man.”
New Coming Soon
Believe That?
Wanna Buy A Bridge? Continue reading
I’ve Been Savin’ These Up To Build Me A Pontoon Boat & Sail Off For Destinations Unknown:
Sailor Man Continue reading
Please Re-Visit–The Vids Are Good. I’m A Thousand Miles From No-Where’s-Ville. Nicce Climit! Wanna Join Me////!? ,,,,
In Case Y’all did Not Notice
I Love The Andrews Sisters! Continue reading
Re-Run. Don’t Bother. I am just hemorrhaging Myself. Drunken Crying Jag: Almost there. I Needs to Be Put To Sleep–For Permanent.
More Muse Lamentations Continue reading
Yeah I Keep Re-Postin’ Shite! (I keep Re-Peatin’ mY sELF–First Sign oF Old Age) It’s My Blog—I Pay For It. I Can Do Whatever I Want With It. Alcohol Is A Cruel Mistress. She Gives And She Takes—Mostly She Just Takes
Most diseases have some chance for a cure.
There is NO Cure for Alcoholism. Continue reading
Sleepy Joe Needs To Get Off His Ass And Do More For Ukraine. Send ’em Some Nukes. Make Putin Think At Least Once. (Or Twice)
Hands OFF Ukraine! Continue reading
Israel: My Favorite Country (aside from TEXAS That Is.)
Hava Nagila Hava Continue reading
I Love Israel–Spent Three Plus Years Over There. Came Far Too Desperately Close To Marrying A Sabra–Arab Descent. Yemenite Jew. Who Coulda Knew?
“I Just Want A Jewish Princess“ –Zappa Jewish Princess: *****
I Remain firmly Ensconced In My ‘Pity Party Mode’ Thinking Back To The Good Old Times–And Much “Missing The Most Interesting Man In Iraq” P.S. It Is Impossible To Edit This. Fuk U WordPress! G’Damn You!
I Caint Fix This Post– I Am So Very Sorry But I’ll Survive Stray’ed Alive (Yes. I’ve Been to Petra–Watch The Vid *** Survive’d Stay’d Alive (Yep. Did.) Bob (The Most Interesting Man in Iraq) is my life-long frin… I miss his dumb ass (and ‘dumb-ass’ is a term of endearment where I come from) … Continue reading
I Gots So Much More To Say About Ukraine, But Not Right Now–The story is still Unfolding.
Ukraine! Continue reading
Shit! Why Not Re-Post? “On The Street Where I Lived” (That’s My Story and I’m Stickin’ to it)
All the houses on Bruning Street were brand new. And they were all alike. But their alikeness did not dampen my spirits, Continue reading
Please re-Read, Re-Listen–Especially The Lenny Bits–A Tuesday Throwback… or, if you will: “Why Ruby Did It?”*
*Of course if you want the answer to that burning behind the Grassy Knoll Question Continue reading
More Peanut: “Bow Fishin'”
The downpour finally stopped. It had been raining heavily for most of the morning Continue reading
Huh? WTF?? A Re-Post. “Girl Walks Into A Bar”
So, a girl walks into a bar. Continue reading
What Has Happened Here? Must Have Been a Gravity Storm. No Other Plausible Explanation.
I love Jimmy Buffett; His songs are always poignant happy / upbeat. He Enriches My Life Continue reading
Ukraine is Falling!
What do the U.S. Do?
Nothing!
Fuk u Sleepy Joe! Continue reading
Big Boned Gal: “The Biker-Bartender-Bouncer Chick, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: Part Two.” Bloody Mary Mornin’
Part One Here: And if you are new here, ya might wanna start here: Shonnie. So there I was in a foreign bed with a foreign woman who called herself “Layla”, smelling bacon and no way to escape, save for a walk-about or a taxi, which I suspected were too damn hard to find in … Continue reading
Expanded–Slightly: “Women Fascinate me “Women (I Know) I KNOW”
Anyhow, I write about women. I write about women, and my relationships with women, because I love women. Most of them don’t love me, but none of them (them ‘wimmens’) can ever say they were ever bored with me… Continue reading
Yeah. Re-Shit Post “Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife, Part Four” Shonnie Invades My Mind. I used to be a writer. Now I am just a bull-shit artist. Alas.
I Miss Her Continue reading
My Shonnie: “Shonnie: Just Some Last Thoughts & One “Reminisce”–Important ‘Breaking News’ Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over'”
Let’s Get This Out of the Way First: “SPOILER ALERT!” Do NOT Read Unless You are Already Familiar With The Story from Reading the Original Series. Skip Ahead to Here: Author’s Note: Some of Y’all Faithful Readers… (That is Not Sarcasm. I sincerely appreciate all Y’all who read me and have ‘Read’ me over the … Continue reading
Oh! Why Not? Some Shonnie Reminisce “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: Denouement” Re-Posted Moldy Oldie
Dreams do come true; it can happen to you… When you’re young at heart and stupid and think yourself bulletproof. Continue reading
Just for Fun Re-Run. “An’ We Drank a lot of Whiskey”
I saw Willie live and in color, Commerce, ETSU Gym, Circa 1976.
David Allen Coe opened the show… for three hours.
Willie was late. Continue reading
Please Re-Look–Too Much of Me In Sandee–I’d Rather Be Sleeping Than Living. I Just Awoke From My Self-Induced Coma.
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? Continue reading
I Have A Lot More To Explore / Write On This Subject. I’ll Get To It–By the By: Ukraine. This is Just a Preamble. On A Gamble. Stay Tuned. (Yes. I Have been To The Region. A Man For All Seasons)
On a Routine Flight From Kuwait Back to Iraq, We Were Blown Off Course. Forced to Land in Kiev. Twelve Hours. While They Patched Us Up Continue reading
Sorry. Must Re-Post. I am a Hopeless / Hapless Romantic. Pls Re-Vis’t This–It Makes No Sense!…. Made Me Cry… Don’t Even Know Why! To Think That I Actually Wrote it! What Was I Thinking? What Was I Not Drinking?
CNN is Running Their ‘Diana CNN Presents’. We’ll See If They Tell Her Real TRUE Story & With Respect. Continue reading
The Part Where The Cowboy Rides Away: “Just Who Do You Think You Are?” (I cannot properly edit this —WordPress Lament)
This below was inspired by a post from a blogger I much admire: Abby of Abby Has Issues fame: writer, published author, blogger, self-described sarcastic (and inspiring–my words) wench. Continue reading
Huh?? Read This: Is this moi, me? (Or why not me? Who Else?)
I had to see if the world was round. The Judds, or as Peanut called them, “The Jug Heads”–no point in arguing with him over semantics. Why-Not Nona Lie On Me Naomi? Why Not Me? Why Not? Still Thursday, eh? and yeah: I edit as I go… **** Picking up from the last half-chapter… Matt, … Continue reading
Haha! Rumors of my Premature Demise Have Been Greatly Bastardized–Exaggerated. “The Letter Said He Was Reported Dead.” That Letter Was Fake News! I’m Still Kikkin’ (And Still Standing)
“Near the front lines he’d been found
A mine blew his jeep into a twisted heap
And I still hear the sound
Of the wheel that kept spinnin’ ’round.” Continue reading
“The Water Well”–Anbar Province, Western Iraq Circa 2007 or Eight. I forget
When I first arrived at Camp Wolf, Iraq, I was ‘Safety Manager’.
Three months later I was Camp Manager (Semi-long story how that came to pass)
I reviewed the camp papers handed down to me Continue reading
“I’m gonna blow this damn candle out. I don’t want nobody coming over to my table. I got nothing to talk to anybody about.” –Joni
I am sick of people.
I got nothing left to say Continue reading
Yet Just Another Silly Re-Boot. “Hamsterdam” (With Apologies to ‘The Wire’- Wonderful TV Series)
Way back in the day when I was a wee child and living in Kansas City with My Daddy and my Evil Step-Mom DJ, I had a pet hamster.
He Died. Continue reading
This is in SERIOUS Need of a “Clean – Up Edit”–Maybe I’ll Get to it–But Don’t Count on it. Another VERY LONG PEANUT TALE….
“We’re goin’ camping out to The Lake,” Peanut announced. “You gonna come, or what?” Continue reading
This is Waaaayyy too Long. Almost a Novella. Read if You’re Really Bored. Screw IT! I’ll Re-post it Anyway: Shark Fishing
“Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure. Consider also the devilish brilliance and beauty of many of its most remorseless tribes, as the dainty embellished shape of many species of sharks. Consider, once more, the universal cannibalism of the sea; all whose creatures prey upon each other, carrying on eternal war since the world began.” Continue reading
I’m Just Screwin’ Around. I’m Bored–Writer’s Block. Added One Vid. Only Look If You Have A Bit of YOUR Life You Wanna Waste. “Shit Post # 9: Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE”
Stupid Post Lance Continue reading
OK. So My Internet Finally Came Back To Life. But Right Now I Must Go & Throw Up. (Alcohol Related) So Whut?
Here was the culprit for the “outage”
View From My Back Door
(This ain’t supposed to happen in Tejas) Continue reading
This is Offensive. Please Don’t Read if You have Sensitive Ears–Or Are Offended By Profanity. I Miss Her—-So Much! I Tried to Tone This Down A Mite (Ever Try To Tone Down A Mite?–Exercise in Futility–Damn Slippery Bastards, Them Mites)
I hate walking around on a planet without her on it! Continue reading
Expanded Alert! Someone Recently “Liked” This. So Why not re-post it? Just fer Fun. How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment. Fifty bucks a month? I’m all in!
Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size. Continue reading
I put some few little minutes into this piece–please revisit–Maddy Enriches My Life. She Brings me Joy and Happy-mess. I absolutely Adore Her!
Mo love
Mo love
Mo love
This post needs.
Mo Madonna Love
I love this woman.
If you have a brain, you do tool. You tool
She moves my body and mind in ways my body ain’t supposed/designed to move. Continue reading
One Last Re-Baited, Inebriated, Re-Shit Re-Post-I-Cated… Then I am gonna Get Really Stupid Drunk and Queue up a Good Movie. Thank u For Reading if Yu Do. “Here Comes Yet Another Drunken Rant: Stand By For Heavy Rolls As The Shit Comes About”
Had to.
Had to repost.
“Why Lance?”
“Because… Jennifer Grey. Okay?”
“OK. Whatever floats yer boat.” Continue reading
Profanity WARNING! I’m a vain, self-serving asshole, so I re-post this slightly expanded version. Still In Navy Patriotic Mode!–“Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’”
I just recently got back in touch with my “Inner-Blondie” Eighties, and recalled this stupid post.
So, what to do?
Repost it.
Bitch
And never, ever, look for logic here. Go somewhere else.
Continue reading
Please Love This Up-dated, Un-Varnished Post. I Poured My Heart Into ‘Building’ It “Part Six of A Sailor’s Scholarly History of the South Pacific: Mary-Lou and Mama-San and Gainful Unemployment” (Sorry for my profanity: I am a sailor after all)
I have spent far too much of my life in the South Pacific Continue reading
Re-Boot. Not Sure Why. “Please Stand By” A Change Is Gonna Come
Oooops! Too Honest! Continue reading
Sorry Kids. Had to Re-Post This—Expanded A Bit. I Miss My Navy SEAL Training Daze! “Happy Cockeyed Optimist. I’m Stuck Like a Dope With a Thing called ‘Hope’–C’est Moi!”
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy! Happy! Happy!
Cockeyed Optimist! Continue reading
Oh Screw it! I Must Re-Boot It. Please Peruse It. I Admire Her So Much. You Don’t Have to Read it. “You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy”–You Conquered The World With Your Charm.
“I Love and Admire You Dorothy.
Always Have.
Always Shall.
You are an American Icon.” Continue reading
Snuff Crisis Converted. Deftly Averted Thanks to Kind Neighbor Friend Tim
He drove me to the hospital (to retrieve my missing in action car keys) Then he drove me to the beer store to purchase Cope and Hope. I Love Good People. Good Neighbors Just for fun In case You Missed it Before: Copenhagen! I LOVE Snuff! Can Never Git Enuff! I cannot discover who to … Continue reading
Moldy Moldy Old Oldie Re-Run, (Just Fer Fun)–Tattoo (or ‘This is awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’) Or… “Don’t Shit Where You Eat.”
Yes. I’ve done some incredibly stupid shit in my time. Continue reading
OK. So I Ran Outta Snuff. Went Straight Into Defcon 4 Emergency Mode. Didn’t Pass GO. Didn’t Collect Two Hundred Bucks! Crisis!
Hatched a plan Recycle Snuff spit! Brilliant! Guess how that worked out for me. Yeah Bad Idea Bonus for Reference: Chris Ledoux-Copenhagen:
Embedded in My Last List: Had to Re-Post This: That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It. “Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them!” I’m a Sailor. What Can I Say?
Ipanema Girl!
And
Dorothy Hamill Continue reading
Someone Recently Liked This. Part Two of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific (Some May Not Have Seen it)
When last we left our Boys they had arrived at Viva Young not unlike victorious Roman Legionaries returning from Gaul—The Conquering Heroes—welcomed with gleeful squeals of joy and happiness by the Girls. Continue reading
Screw It. I’ll Re-Pro-Duce it! Post It–Proud Of It. Spent Some Time On It. Fuk It Bucket! “Siren Songs” Rumors Floating Around Town: “Lance is Drunk.” And Yes, I have Read Homer Iliad &, Odyssey —Le Both
Guess this to be my “Siren Song.”
Before I embrace death. Continue reading
OK. So I’ve Been to Hospital Twice Today. So What? Life in The Fast Lane! Received A Verbal Warnin’ From The Po-Lice. Ain’t They Nice? “Don’t Fuk Up Again.” Basically My Life is Fuck’rd, I Need to Vacate This Town! Now! Right Now! Someone Please Call My Jet Plane. My Life is so Fukk’d! UP. Meow!
I’m properly fukked Continue reading
I got so stupid drunk on stupid drunk this morning, I forgot my name. Had to refer to my driver’s licence–Just to try to out to Figger Out Who I Was
Just to remember who I was supposed to fukken be. Went to the hospital, They Reminded Me Of who I was supposed to be. Continue reading
Naked Writing
Uh OH! Truth Alert! Malfunction Junction! Continue reading
Whoops E Lazy Bat-Shit Crazy Daisy! Already Second Thoughts
Yes. Yes. I know what I said (wrote).
And I was sober when I wrote it.
And I meant ever’ word.
When I wrote it.
But….. Continue reading
Empty! Try Another!
I would’ve gladly donated.
If I I’d had the Cash
(He was not equipped to accept credit cards—I offered)
Continue reading
I’m So Fricken Stupid… I’ve Misplaced My Mind. Cannot Believe I Actually Wrote This Shite! “Daily Lenny: Judge Aaron Albamiser (sp) And This Has Turned Into a Rant. Sorry…” Well, Fuck Me! Word-De-Pressed Will Not Allow Me to Properly Edit This. Imagine My Surprise!
Judge Aaron Albamiser & Lenny Bruce:
“Thick Fingers and a Homemade Glass Eye.”
“A Red-Headed Junk-yard Jew.” Continue reading
Wh Dom\n’t This Post Get No Lovve/ It is A fukkink Fun Post! (just don’t drill down too deep; it gets steep) Letters From Iraq: A Day in the Life of a Camp Manager Serving in a War Zone In Eye Rack. (I’ll Finish Editing This Later: Screw it for Now–Sorry)
An Excerpt from an email I sent from Mosul, late 2008. Victor was a soft-spoken, highly educated and proper gentleman originally from Nigeria. He could not have been more out of place and time. Continue reading
Sorry Kids. This Requires A Re-Boot. “Hamas, Gaza, IDF, Israel, Intifada, and U.S. (us) And why we should Give A Shit (?)” (Thanks to my Wonderful, Great Friend, Johncoyote) For Reminding Me Thus.
Some of you may know of my history in the Mideast. Most of you may not. Some of you may know I get emotional about issues.
Some of you may not.
Some of you may give a shit.
Some of you may not. Continue reading
(This Post is all over-some-place—- sorry)Just My Re-Livin’ My UBH Experience(s): “You Can Take That Mary Poppins UMbrella and Shove it Straight UP U’re Ass. And Then fly all the way home! All Alone.”
i MISS HER RAPIER WIT!
i WAS iNSTANT IN FUKKKIN LOVE WITH HER! Continue reading
I love Linda So Much! I Need to STFU About this! Still Working / Updating On This One. Deleted The Other One. “I Have Not, Not, Yet NOT Written Nearly Enough About My Love: My Linda. I am gonna fix this soon. Stand By!”
She Melts My Heart
Just Like a Wheel
A Broken,
Melted Wheel Continue reading
Gonna Re-Post This! Verily Related To My Last Past! Read It If You Want– Or Not! I Honestly Do Not Care To Dare! “No Ordinary Love”
(My Only True Regret in Life: I Never Made a Daughter) Continue reading
This Post is in Such Serious Desperation for an Edification, or Maybe an Enema. Or Maybe Le Both–Simultaneous. Because I’m A Fukking Idiot. & A Chocolate Mess! And I Approach Life with a Laissez-faire Philosophy. i.e., I do Not Give A Shit. “Escape From Memphis–Chapter Le One”–Re-Load–Have Fun!
The Lamp is broken.
(You’ll have to scroll down)
Must I do ever’thang?
WoW! She Amazes Me! Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?” I May Have Lost My Feeble Sanity!
My Dream Girl.
Everything about her fascinates me. Continue reading
I Just Awoke From My Self-Induced Coma. “Good Luck Loser-Lance! Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’ You Stupid, Dumb-Ass Fuk!” (Please Scrool D’n To The ‘Good’ Vid: “I’d rather be dreaming than living”)
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? Continue reading
This Deserves A Re-Look See Y’all. I Am A-Tryin’ To Preserve My Sanity. HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back
This is Just the ‘Trailer’ Full Movie Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You. Soon, Very Soon Keeping as a souvenir: (I’ll Never wash that wrist Again!) *** Here is a Clue: Cred: ‘Scared Sober with Delirium Dirk – Real Delirium Tremens and Alcohol Withdrawal‘ **** Street Cred: ‘Christy Moore’ **** Street Cred: Kris *** … Continue reading
Do NOT Look At This: It is a Sad Commentary. Depressing. “Dire Straits…”
Don’t Drown Lance!
Surely at least one will miss you.
And your bullshit. Continue reading
Re-Posted Becuz I Expanded / Updated it and I Am Stupid! “Oh My Goodness! We Got Ourselves A Nat’ral Disaster!”
I sure do hope I don’t have room inspection any time soon. Continue reading
I Wish I Could Rent A Personality. I’ve Grown Weary of being A Lame-Azz, Not-So-Charming, Underachiever Asshole. I Wanna Be A For-Reals, Bona-Fide, Charming Asshole–With Credentials And Possessing an Asshole Passport
What’s Wrong With me?
I have no clue Continue reading
Up-Dated—This is Stupid— Don’t bother! Abusive Muse–Act Three and a Half–Interlude. When U’re Strange, Your’r Fukkin’ Strange.
Mothers are Like that Are Like That Continue reading
Did I Actually Write This Shite? I Need to be taken out back and shot. In The Head. Five Times. “Linda & Lance Go To Mars”
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:
No. Fuk this. The reason had a short hapless half-life. Continue reading
I re-post this b’buz my stupursirty is well- documented, “Throw-Back: “The Cowards Never Started and the Weak Died Along the Way” I Died Along The Way. But I Wern’t No Coward.
And Yet One More Post From the email Archives: *** Please tell me all about your therapy session today once it is done. I know a little about back trouble as I went through some during my Navy SEAL training. I know there is nothing worse than that for pain. There were several days during … Continue reading
Oh My Ghawd! We Got Ourselves A Nat’ral Disaster!
I sure do hope I don’t have room inspection any time soon. Yeah, we are subjected to random room Inspections here at The Lyin’ Den. Not Sure Why. Or Even if it is Legal This Lion Never Sleeps At Night: Cred for Share: kbto54 **** Natural Disaster:
Please Revisit—- Do it for an Old Drunken Sailor—-Who is Losing His Fucken Mind—-Must Re-Post–Still In Navy Patriotic Mode!–
I just recently got back in touch with my “Inner-Blondie” Eighties, and recalled this stupid post.
So, what to do?
Repost it.
Bitch
And never, ever, look for logic here. Go somewhere else.
Continue reading
Fukkin’A. Douche Bag–Ditty Bag! I Love My Navy! I Should NOT Drink So Much! No One’s Gonna Watch Anyway. Go Ahead! Ask Me How Many Fuks I Give!
Fuk Me!
Navy!
My Navy! Continue reading
FIERCEST LINEBACKER IN THE HISTORY OF LINEBACKERS: Dick Butkus, The Maestro of Mayhem: “Moby Dick in a Goldfish Bowl” Great Line! LMFAO! I don’t think it was meant to be funny in one of the vids, but I laughed my ass off!
I tried to be as fierce as Dick Butkus.
I came close, but never quite made it.
No one could have.
But I gave it my all. Continue reading
Y’all Wanna Know The Worst Tactile Sensation Ever? Of Course You Do. Dirty Toilet Jokes: I Cussed My Toilet Out. Then I Felt Remorse. Apologized. I Dialed 911. When the EMT’s Arrived, They Were NOT Amused.
Of course you do.
It is when you go to flush the toilet and that handle snarls back at you, rather limp-wrist’d, as if to say,
“Not tonight Asshole. Go back to sleep.” Continue reading
Drunk Asshole: “Houston, We May Have A Problem” Shit! I think I already posted this song—damnation! I hate me to be a redundancy.
I May have a drinking problem “They call it a problem; I call it a solution” Cred: Midland Official *****
C’om On Y’all! Show Some Love For Rickie Lee! I Caint Hep it! I’ll Fix it Later, Maybe. But Don’t Count On It. Screw it! Imma growin’ weary of Beatin’ a Dead Horsey To Three Times Dead.
No Bullshit Found Here
I love
This Woman
“Your Talk is cheap Lance”
“Go Get Fucked. Like my ‘talk’ now? Pricey enuff for ya?”
Continue reading
Don’t Bother: It’s Just a Re-Run For Fun. Makes Absolutely No Sense. Makes Me Laugh,, “DEAD GUPPY” ‘Tis A Great Metaphor/Commentary For My Life (Or Maybe One Of My ex-Wifes) I wish I Could Proper Edit this Bitch. But I Can’t. Thank u Word-Press!
Word Press is Fukked Up! I posted this ten minuets ago Continue reading
(I Absolutely LOVE Judy Garland!) I am Way Too Over-proud of this post: It Too Well Illustrates/Expresses My Patriotism! Please Endeavor to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive! I Love My Country! She Can Have My Life. If She Needs It. (I’m Not Really Usefully Using It Right Now; Nor Really Fond of it Anyhow. Meow.)
This Post is a WIP
Rest
Assurred
This Asshole
Has not Yet begun
To Fight!
I Shall Re-Turn
For
Now
It is
Yer
Turn
Continue reading
I Caint Hep it! I am So Much in Love/Lust w/Her: Rickie Lee Teaser! I read Her book, Twice! Cover to Un – Cover…. Under My Covers—This Post Is All Screw’ew Up! I’ll Fix it Later, Maybe. But Don’t Count On It.
No Bullshit Found Here
I love
This Woman
“Your Talk is cheap Lance”
“Go Get Fucked. Like my ‘talk’ now? Pricey enuff for ya?”
Continue reading
Just For Fun Re-Run: Escape From Memphis–Chapter Ten: Psychiatrist Interrogation, or “Last F*cking Chance Asshole!”
Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest: “How long have you been drinking?” Continue reading
Here’s My Heady, Bona-Fried Prediction: “Russia is Gonna Invade Ukraine.” You Don’t Strap On A Condom If You Don’t Intend to Fuk! Over A Hundred Thousand troops On The border! Are You fukkin’ Kidding Me? (I Cannot Properly Edit This! Fuk U Word_Press!)
Shit a brick
PPL Are NOT Stupid
The entire World Sees this Coming Continue reading
Salt Man! Dice Man! Send in the Clowns! They Are Watching Us Now! USA! USA!! USA!!! All The Way!!!!
Send ’em In! Dancing. Joke’s On You! Go Ahead! Yuk It Up! Laugh It Up. Last Laugh’s On You. Drinker Man! Watch the Vids or I Will Kill You Just Joshin’ I Wouldn’t Harm A Fly ****** ****** Dancin’ Clown: **** Salt! **** Dice! Be Nice! “Seven Come Eleven on a Rusty Dime…!” I Won’t … Continue reading
Well At Least I Showed Up. Twice! — “Running In Soft Sand: Intro”
Zero Four. Alarm going off! I knock it off the nightstand. It whimpers for an instant and then grows silent.
Four o’clock!?
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Where am I?
Who am I? Continue reading
I Love My Nav. Have I Ever Mentioned This Before? My Navy Defined Me—As A Man’ And Made Me The Man. That I Am. What I Yam. I’ve Been ‘Round the World. Twice. Thanks to the U.S. Navy.
I’m Popeye The Sailor-Man I Live In A Garbage Can (But I Eats Me Spinach) “Toot Toot” “Midway” ****** Anchors Aweigh!
‘Berta is Very Ill! “Beware The Ides of March!” I’m Worried! I Cannot Lose Her! I Do Not Want To Walk Around On A Planet Without Her On It! This Post is too Emotional—I am all fukked up right meow. She is Eighty and Change. So What? She is Very Strong!
I’m Worried Continue reading
Back in the Day: Dead Guppies & Dying Dreams
Back when Roberta and I were a ‘serious item’ I was living in an Old Rent House Continue reading
This is for My Darling Lady, My Roberta, Who Loves Me, Semi-Un-Conditionally, But Who is Ill… Who is Very Ill Right Now. Shit! I don’t Wanna Walk Around on a Planet Without Her On it. She is Eighty. Shit!!!: “Leaf Lady, Brick Walls, Jaguar Engineering, And Driving While Blind” (Cannot Edit This! Fuk It!!)
Leaf Lady was seriously raking leaves in the midst of a thirty-knot wind across the street from my house. Every time she managed to accumulate a pile the wind would sweep them away. Continue reading
Have to Re_Post Becuz Cindi Invaded My Mind–Once Again. I Miss Her! She Was Such A Unique Treasure! “F’k Me! UPDATED:
Updated.
Still
A Work in Progress Continue reading
I am Still Back-Slidin’ & Pontificatin’ & Ex-cavatin’ & Re-Windin’ & Re-Iteratin’ & Writer’s Block-A-Cadin’—I am only re-Posting This Because I am DRUNK! “Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then? No? Oh, Okay. Have A Nice Day.
Tennis anyone?
No?
Go f^ck yerself then.
I never liked you anyhow. Continue reading
I’m Stupid! (I Wish I Could Properly Edit This. GD U WordPress! I CAINT EDIT THIS! WHY NOT? WHY THE F^CK NOT???!! DO I HAVE TO RE-WRITE IT FROM SCRATCH? I Have Not Time Nor Energy For That! FUK U WORDPRESS!!) *BREAKING BAD NEWS!*
Donny Hathaway – A Song For You Fukking Beautiful Song So Poignant Please Listen “I’ve Acted Out My Life In Stages.” Exclusively Here on TT & Hiero-Glyph! That means you won’t hear it anywhere else! (Because we made it up) The Results are finally in from yesterday’s, recent, last week’s election! Okay was not last … Continue reading
C’mon Y’all! This Be a Light-Hearted, Fun Post! “Now I know why London Bridge Fell Down” Be Kind. Rewind (Up-Dated–Expanded–More Insults Added)
This post needs more love (for personal reasons I’d rather not disclose) Continue reading
Please Re-visit: Jewel is such a Large Part of My “Like”–I Really Really Really Wanna Write This Post Right Now, But My Thoughts Are Too Burdensome–Too Cumbersome–Too Heavy–Too Dreary–And All At The Same Same Time: Too Happy, If that Makes Some Semblance of Any Sense.
Leave Me! I am Not Fit For Human Interaction
It is All About My Country, My America, My Military… N/M… Later Perhaps, When I Get Drunk Enough. And No Longer Care Enough To Give a Fuk Continue reading
What Went Wrong With Lance? I Have But Few Words… That’s Bullshit. I have lots of Words. I Purchased Them. I Have the Receipts. Lots of shit added to this post. Now I just need to fly away Renee from it. Fast as I Can. As Fast As My Little Wings Will Fly Me.
I ‘re-worked’ this. Actually, I went off the rails and got lost in Rant-Land—do not read.
Sometimes, when I look around, I get sad.
Then I get angry.
Then I get really pissed.
I may think too much
(or drink too much)
Vote in the poll
HBO
I need to know. Continue reading
Cold Showers. Cold Choices. Cold Feets: My Hour In The Shower
My ‘Hour in the Shower Continue reading
More Kover PPli=senI’ I’m drunk “In Spite of What I Wrote Below, I Really Am A Fan… of Bobby Darin… “Ah So! Metta Mook.”
Who Am I Kidding?
No-One ever Calls Me
(Unless They want Money) Continue reading
Denton UBH Day One: Stepping Through The Door This Post is Really Fukk’d up—so much More to the stroryy….
I suppose it’s time. Time to ‘revisit’ this. (At least the music is good) Continue reading
I need…. Never F&cking Look down!=wQTo be aPi=Down Droewn— at t te very least! NOT Look At This! Let Alone READ It! TRIGGER WARNING! This Post is Obnoxious & Insulting, But It Accurately Depicts My Mood At The Time I Wrote it. I NEVER Lie to Y’all. –Updated! Had to Add Some Linda at The End–Cannot Believe I Forgot! This Post is all Fucked UP. Guess What? I No Longer Dare to CArE! Don’t GIvE A sHiT! fUcK IT! “Hearts are like AssHoles; eVer’one gOts one!”
Do NOT READ THIS
It is Depressing
Lo siento mi vida Continue reading
Fuk it! I’ll Real Pos’r=Ize if, over-size’d & Over-Criticized, Ostracized, — Cuz n’ I’m am, Who I Yam. A Just a Man…”Fore Real” Ass-Hole” Asshole– Hamsterdam? What I am! (Apologies to ‘The Wire’- Wonderful TV Series) I cannot edeit This. Fuk it! Call Me “Popeye The Sailor Man” I Live in a Garbage Can” I eats me Spinach!”
Way back in the day when I was a wee child and living in Kansas City with My Daddy and my Evil Step-Mom DJ, I had a pet hamster.
He Died. Continue reading
Screw it! I’ll Just Re-Post it! “Hello Minefield In The Sand” “FTW” Famous Navy Tatoo: “Fuck The World!” WP Fucked This Post Up. WordPress is Stupid, Not Intuitive. I’ll Endeavor To Fix. But Do Not With-Hold Yer Licks If you beg to differ
To an Unfeeling Landmine Continue reading
Still Feelin’ Sorry for my Lost Life, But I Have My Miseries/Memories: “If You Don’t Mine, It Don’t Matter” (And I still cannnot spell ‘Kat’ Fu*K– Dat)
There is sand in the Sinai Desert. Lots of sand. There is wind in the Sinai Desert. Lots of wind. There are landmines in the Sinai Desert. Lots of landmines, some dating back to the ’56 war. Most of them are still functional. Continue reading
Did I Recently Re-Post This? Screw It! Here It Is Again! Slightly Expanded ‘TA’ Does Not Always Mean ‘Tits an’ Ass’
Is This Asshole an Asshole?
Yep Continue reading
Re-Spam. WTF is WRONG W/Me? I Need to Write Some New Shit. “You Can’t Lie to A Blank Page” TEXAS WOMEN Ed. Note: Most Ev’thang I Write is “Tongue-in-Greek”–If Yu Don’t Realize This, You Probably Should’ve Taken That Other Turn At Albaquirky
“That’s right; you’re not from Texas.” Continue reading
I am just gonna re-post this to make it easier for a friend of mine to find. “Now I know why London Bridge Fell Down” Be Kind. Rewind
This post needs more love (for personal reasons I’d rather not disclose) Continue reading
Not Sure I ‘Should’ Re-post This One “Shhhh” There may be Yankees Lurking about… Honestly, I don’t even remember ‘building’ it. Oh Well, I must have; it has my name Attached. “I LOVE SOUTHERN! Revisit Please! I Put A Lot of My Time & Inebriated Energy / Soul Into It. HAHAHAHA! (Never mind–Move Along–Nothin’ To See Here)”
I LOVE THE SOUTH! Continue reading
I Am, Pre-Dispos’d-Suppose’d, Genetically Speaking , To Be Left-Handed.
All Male Marcom Chiles
Are Lefties
“Left-Handed”
Not I.
I Am A Switch-Hitter’s Baseball Coach’s Dream Continue reading
Whilst I Am Wallooning’ About In The Muck & Mire of My All Alon’d Pity-Party-Beer & Tryin’ How to Remember How to Spel…Over Lost Loved Pets And Tryin’ So Desperate Hard to Rem An’… Fergit It! “The Funeral (DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LOVE CATS) You have been warned.” Lance Note: I Very Rarely Give A Shit ‘Bout People, But I ALWAYS Give A Shit About Animals And Screw U Wp! I want to Fukkin’ Edit This! Just Want To Drop in Some ‘Proper’ Links! To Make it Somewhat Easier For All Three of my Readers! Fuk Am I Payn For Here???
This is a fucked up sad, true story.
I need to not dwell.
Oh Well.
Sometimes revisited grief is the best kind. It clears the sinuses…. Continue reading
Sometimes, Oft Times, I Feel His Presence. Right Behind Me And I Steal A Glance Over My Shoulder & Catch Him Taking His Half Of Our Bed From The Middle, As Was Always His Wont.
Dana Perino recently lost her Vizsla. I know how much that hurts. They are special dogs. The loss of Henry really fucked me up. I have yet to recover. Continue reading
Still? Nav Mode? Bullshit! Always in Sailor Mode! “Sea–Somewhat of a Stream of Almost Consciousness” And Somewhat Of A “Confession” RE: My Previous Post. Don’t Grow Too ‘Comfortable’ With This Side Of Me Cannot Properly Edit This. (Thanks Wanker WordPress!) Sorry Y’all for Some Redundancies. I Can’t Fix STUPID–wORDpRESS
OK
Sometimes I Have Been
(Slightly)
Scared At Sea Continue reading
Recycled, Expan’Dex Post Re-Run-Red “ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! TAKE COVER! TAKE COVER! PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR NEAREST & DEAREST BUNKER!” (Heard This ‘Broad-Cast’–Yes, The “Voice” From ‘The BIG VOICE Was Female UK BROAD) Damn Near Ev’r Night Over. Those Assholes NEVER Showed The Common Courtesy To Rocket Us During Daylight Hours.
I Have This Most Important Poingnant Regret! Continue reading
UPDATED / Expanded! Turned Into A Bit Of A Mini-Rant, But Y’all Know How I Tend To Roll… “Should I Continue This Series? Fishin’ for Encouragement Here. or Maybe I am Just Lonely… Who knows? No One, I suppose … “Rent – A – Sailor: Part One”
We were steaming along in the South Pacific one day when word came down the pike that we had new orders to sail to Sydney. Continue reading
Up-Dated: There’s Always Room For More Erin Burnett In My World; “I would Give All of ME! To HER! fOR jUST oNE Night! “Is This Love Erin? Yep. From Where I Sit It Certainly Is” It For Shit-Sure Certainly Is.
And She is Scottish! (And Y’all Know I love Scottish Women) Continue reading
Very Flightly Expanded: I’m Gonna Re-Post This B’cuz I’m An Idiot & It Is A Shakespearean Kind-o-Day–Please Re-Vist This! I Need Some Courage To Finish It! There is too Much Macbeth/Hamlet in Me! “Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Five: “I Have Done The Deed! Sleep No More!” Stay Away From Me! Lady Mac’Bee!”
I’m Gonna Re-Post This B’cuz I Am An Idiot & It Is A Shakespeare Kind-o-Day Continue reading
Updated With Dice! (Fresh Outta Ice–Which Really Ain’t A Problem for me) Laughin’ My Fukkin’ Azz Off! Our New National Media Holiday: “January Sixth Day” I’ll Get Back to Y’all On This Bull-Shite. Trust Me: I’m With The Government. ‘Tis Still A Work-In-Progress–Or A WID–Workin’ in Digress. Meantime: Fu*k You cNn!
What?
Who’s Callin’?
NCA
MBA?
FBI?
Ok
I’ll Try to go
Quietly
But No Promises Continue reading
I Wanna Write So Much More About Israel, But I Cannot Do Her Justice Right Now. There Are Too Many Unsaid Words Left To Say,,,, I’ll Get to them. Just Gimmie Some Times & Some Dimes… I Spent Way Too Much Time And Left Too Many Bits and Pieces of my Mind & Heart & Soul Scattered All Over that Beautiful Land. Israel–I Cannot Work This Post Right— I Get Too Emotional. If Yu Have read Me, Yu Know Why
I Love Israel
I Really Love the won=Mikl Wowen,
Duh! Continue reading
This Post Has Swerve’d Off CurveY! Scurvy! Scurry-Flurry! Course Wooflu! I Caught it. (Or it caught me) Timemz 2! Fuk U. I’m still Walkin’ & Talkin’ & Jivin’ & Thinkin’ & Drinkin’ & Breathin’—I’m Such An Asshole! I May Apologize Tomorrow. But Don’t Set Your Watch. I Do Not Enjoy Being Sick.
FUK IT! Continue reading
If’n Y’all Don’t Enjoy This Post, You Have No Souls– Jewel is so Beautiful! — Oh screw this! I am gonna delete me and my f^ckin’ WP! Uh… I
Leave Me! I am Not Fit For Human Interaction
It is All About My Country, My America, My Military… N/M… Later Perhaps, When I Get Drunk Enough. And No Longer Care Enough To Give a Fuk Continue reading
I Know Y’all Have Read This b4, But It Is Just Too Funny & Light-Heart’d (And Heavy, If You Drill down too far) And May Just Give You A Laugh And Brighten Your Day “The Best Wife” I am just trying, peddling fast as I can to add some goof to your aloof: Pls forgive me if I fail to always deliver. I really am trying to do better
Martha was the best. Martha on Ernest: “He was about as useful as a stuffed squirrel.” Continue reading
Memory Lane: Yeah! I Am Still Drunk Outta My Brain. I LOVE Lauren Bacall! That’s ALL! “Anybody got a Match?”
“Anybody got a match?”
Yeah, I got a match:
Bogie and Bacall. Continue reading
Re-Post. Don’t Bother. I do This Only Because I Have Always Been In Love & Respect With Vanessa. And of Course, Lauren Bacall. “Humility Industrial Complex” or, “What Do The Simple Folk Do?”
So I have been ‘reviewing’ my recent posts on Socialist Media. Continue reading
I’m Just Re-Cycling, And Feeling Lonely & Sororry For Me & Reminiscing… Had To Update & Re-Post. I Forgot To Drop In The Navy Hymn. I Am Such A Moron!—Fixed Now. Time For Chow! On Today’s Menu: ‘Hydraulic Sandwiches’ “I Fukkin’ LOVE MY NAVY! I Always Shall.
I feel so honored to have been allowed to serve on two ships in two war zones and given the opportunity to attend SEAL training, even though I did not measure up, at least I showed up.
Twice Continue reading
OK. So Cynthia Promised To Lend … Some Money To a Moron, (C’est Moi) And Schlep Him to The Liquor Store this Afternoon, So That DT Man Would No Longer Haunt His Door No More
You’ve Got to have friends Continue reading
Someone Re-Liked This Post, So I thought I’d Re-Post. I am Proud of it! Hahahahahah! (I love my Readers; all five of Y’all–Thank Y’all For Making My Life Enjoyable & Thank Y’all For Your Support) “Step-Back Saturday! A Re-Post! “Zen and the Art of Commentary Maintenance”
Likes and Loves and Laughing Faces
Thumbs up Thumbs up
We’re off to the races! Continue reading
I Am Re-Posting Because of My Love For My Cousin–Who Loves Me Not–I lover U Karmen! Gett ov’r it! “Rita!” Run, Rita Run! Run! Away! Fast as You Can! I Am Wearing Broken Headphones, Listening Thru A Broken Life. Four Lost Wifes! What Else Ya Got God? To Throw at Me? Fuk Yu God! and That ass yer Son supposedly rode in on.
Sometimes I am ashamed of the things I do
but
this is a rare occurrence Continue reading
New National Media Holiday: “January Sixth Day” I’ll Get Back to Y’all On This Bull-Shite. Trust Me: I’m With The Government. ‘Tis Still A Work-In-Progress–Or A WID–Workin’ in Digress. Meantime: Fu*k You cNn!
What?
Who’s Callin’?
NCA
MBA?
FBI?
Ok
I’ll Try to go
Quietly
But No Promises Continue reading
Make It Stop! Make it Stop! MAKE IT STOP!! Jesus Christ On-a-Cracker! Please Make It Stop! “This is a Rant. Please Do NOT Read. It is Only For me: Venting. Spewing. Pontificating. Bitching, Moaning, & Complaining.” (But On-The-Record)
FUCK CABLE NEWS! Continue reading
I Really Really Really Wanna Write This Post Right Now, But My Thoughts Are Too Burdensome–Too Cumbersome–Too Heavy–Too Dreary–And All At The Same Same Time: Too Happy, If that Makes Some Semblance of Any Sense.
Leave Me! I am Not Fit For Human Interaction
It is All About My Country, My America, My Military… N/M… Later Perhaps, When I Get Drunk Enough. And No Longer Care Enough To Give a Fuk Continue reading
Just For Reference & Deference, And Yes, I Know I am an Obnoxious Asshole. Pounding readers Over-the-Head With My Opinions. Sorry–Not Sorry! You Pay Your Money, You take Your Chances. “Rent – A – Sailor Part Two: Topsy-Turvy” No Worries. I did up-date it… a little bit–I Don’t Wanna COMPLETELY Waste Your Dime, nor Your Time
Up is Down Down is Up Apropos For Now, Eh? We had three days steaming time to kill on our way to That ‘That Land Down Under’. Continue reading
UPDATED! Turned Into A Bit Of A Mini-Rant, But Y’all Know How I Am “Should I Continue This Series? (There is… There ACTUALLY Is, A Lot More to the Story) Fishin’ for Encouragement Here. or, Maybe I am Just Lonely… Who knows? No One, I suppose … “Rent – A – Sailor: Part One”
We were steaming along in the South Pacific one day when word came down the pike that we had new orders to sail to Sydney. Continue reading
May Be Worth A Re-Look-See. Then Again, Maybe Not–“What did YOU do in The War Daddy? Daddy?? DADDY!?? Are You My Daddy?” “Dunno Girl. You from Olongapo City, PI? Dubai? Or Sydney Aussie? Or Mombasa? Or Hong Kong or Amman, or Tel Aviv, or Cairo? or Waco? Please tell me Y’all ain’t from Waco! That Would Ruin my day!…. Catch My Drift? Oh Never Mind! What’s your DNA say? If I broke it, I’ll buy it”
It’s Fittin’ Or it isn’t. ‘Fittin’’ No! It WAS Fittin’! Very Much So! So Well-Deserved! Bravo to You Hattie! Continue reading
Up-Dated–Expanded–Major Re-Write–Memp-iphany: Yes! Elvis Has Left The Building. And, By-The-Way!–Fuk Yu Word-Press!—Why Cannot I Do a Simple Edit? You Want More of My Money??? Go Get Wrecked! Fix Your Shit!
I kinda miss Memphis
No.
Not really.
I am a liar.
Believe nothing I say or write.
It’s All
Bull-Shite! Continue reading
Please Re-Visit This. (Expanded) I Am Right Over-Proud Of It–True Story. Never Fails to Amuse Me: (I Cannot B’Leave I Wrote this Shit!) But I did Invest Some Time & Work Into It. No Shit! …. Brings Some Tears to My Eyes—Happy & Sad—I Am Just A Sentimental Old Fool!—“A Raccoon’s Tale”
My Mind?
Huh? Continue reading
Bring Yer Own Goat
Where My Goat? Continue reading
I’m Too Stupid To be Stupid. So I Am Gonna Re-post This—Just For ‘Fun’. “Emails From Afghanistan: My Boss, ‘That Guy I Wouldn’t Want Running An Elevator For Me’ (Re-Written/Expanded)”
(Ed. Note: I reached way down into the archives and re-worked this one) LSA TWO OFFICE “LSA”-“Life Support Area”-or in the local vernacular aka: “Life Sucks Ass.” Yet another email I dispatched from Camp Dwyer, 2012: Around 1730hrs a truck pulls up outside my office at LSA Two. I didn’t see who was in the … Continue reading
Kinda/Sorta Up-Dated & Expanded. Rerun ALERT! I Miss MY Former “REAL” LIFE! “Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound” I Especially Miss That Poo Pond In Kandahar. No Shit. Pun Intended.
C’mon Y’all!
This post needs your love.
Watch the vids if nothing else
They are brilliant!
(not mine)
But I “lived” The Experience for almost two years! Continue reading
Casspir The Friendly Armored Personnel Carrier: I Loved My Days/Weeks/Months–Years–Tears Spent In Iraq & Afghanistan. Yeah, I Spent Years In Both Places–Was So Honored & Proud To Be Supporting Our Military Men & Women In Their Mission. My Life Had Meaning & Purpose Back Then.
I Loved My Days/Months/Years
Spent In Iraq Continue reading
This Post Is A Chocolate Mess. Tried To Edit It. But Guess What? Word-Press Stepped In & Saved Me From My Sin.–TY WP For Havin’ My Back.
My Mind is Gone!
I May Have Too Much Time on My Hands!
Perhaps I Should get A Job?
Naw!
Fuck That! Continue reading
Read Please. I Think This a Good “No-Shitter Story” Even if a Mite Longish. “No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” (This is a ‘Re-Constructed Old Post.’ No Alcoholic Beverages Were Harmed, Nor Consumed While Operating The Requisite Heavy Machinery During The Successful Completion of This Project) P.S. Look For The Historical Article At The End
I grew into manhood in the Sinai Desert: 1977-1980. Missed out on Disco, but it was damn well worth it..
Everyone Hated DISCO Anyway Continue reading
I Really Don’t Like to Use Euphemisms, Clichés, Vapid Expressions, ‘Nice-Polite-Speech,’ Trite Sayings, Bull-Shite! I Hate That! With All My Might! It’s Like Wearing Chain Leggings After A Ship Wreck and Yer Just Hoping To Reach The Beach. But To Be Completely Honest With My Readers, (Which I Have Always Promised to Be)… Trying to Mend My Speech Runs So Contrary Against My Sanity. I’m Just Sayin’. Still Waters Run Deep. Please Try To Remember That.
Don’t Be a Cliché
Okay?
And never be ‘nice’
I hate ‘nice’
Nice is just mice
And I am a fucking cat
A black one with attitude. Continue reading
In Spite of What I Wrote Below, I Really Am A Fan… of Bobby Darin… “Ah So! Metta Mook.”
Who Am I Kidding?
No-One ever Calls Me
(Unless They want Money) Continue reading
Go Ahead; Feel Free To Enjoy. Or Feel Free To Get Pissed, or Annoyed. TT&H Welcomes ALL Points of View. This Is How America is Supposed To Roll. I NEVER Delete Comments From Readers (Unlike SOME Blogs I Frequently Frequent)
Salt is Health Food For The Brain Continue reading
Here Is Yet Another One From The Recycle Bin: “Threw Back Up Thursday: Kinky”(I Attempted To Edit Text In This, To Make It More Readable, But Once Again, WordPress is Being Stupid!—I Cannot Believe I Pay Four Hundred Quid A Year for The “Premium” Version of This Garbage Ap!
“Remember the Alamo” – Johnny Cash animation Cred: Wooty ***** “Me No Alamo” Just some silly-ness from my immature Blogging Past. (I do hope I have ‘matured’ somewhat since April, but I doubt it) Don’t try to judge me; take some grains of salt. Just kids havin’ fun. *** Now, for all y’all Texans out … Continue reading
I’ve Got a Rockette in My Pocket. Her name Begins with a K and Ends with An M. Amen. Yeah, it’s a Kathy Mattea Kind of Day Today. Okay? She Has So Much Class.
All Kathy.
All the Time Continue reading
Why did This Post Not Get More Love? I Honestly Put My Heart & Soul Into it—No Shit!–“Updated and Re-Worked. “All The Reasons Why (Why I love Women) Country Women. I want Eighteen Wheels, but I’ll settle for Seven in Heaven. Just as Long as Kathleen Alice Mattea is there.”
Reworked
Updated
Republished Continue reading
“Life is Strange”— Yet Another One I Wrote that Is Embarrassin’—I’ll Properly Fix This Post Later, If / When I Find Sober. Don’t Wait Up Though. Happy New Year Y’all!
This one… do not look at.
Do not read.
Certainly do not listen to the music Continue reading
She! Ginger. I Do So Much Love Her. She’s So Mesmerizin, So Cap’ti’-sizin’, Capt-Eye-Vating. And So Charming. I was Born In The Wrong Decade! Screw Me—-To Death. I May Have Had a Chance With Her. Yeah, In My Wildest Dreams! But I’m Drunk And Stupid & Living In a Past I Never Had. “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off!”
Linda is so beautiful.
A treasure to be treasured. Continue reading
I’m A 1000 Miles From N-Where’s-Ville. Nicce Climit! Wanna Join Me////!? ,,,, I’m ‘A’-Tryin’ Really Hard To Be Happy! & Up_Beat & Remain Positive! Obviously This Will Be A WIP! ‘Work-in-I Digress-Progress!’ Wish Me Luck in My Endeavor!! — And, I’m a-Tryin’ Really Hard to Entertain Y’alls! & NEVah, Evarh, Wanna Waste Yer Finite, Valuable To Me, Spent on Me. Time. This is “Me” in All Truthful Sincerity!
In Case Y’all did Not Notice
I Love The Andrews Sisters! Continue reading
I Forgot “I Scream! You Scream! We all Scream For Ice cream!”
Shit!
I Have No Time For This!
I’M a Busy Man!
Continue reading
Michelle, Ma Belle: Tease I fukked Up! She Coulda Been Mine… For all Time! Yes! Yes! I Have Regrets! I Screwed the pooch on this One! I Still Think of Her! And What Could Have Been… A Horrible Marriage—Ended Badly-and in Great Sin! (I was Still Marred to Janet Back Then, When I First Fell For Michelle!) With Tears and Beers! Yeah! This Post is Messed Up!
I Fukked Up Continue reading
G’damn! How did I Manage to fuk This One Up???! On First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well–It Got Better, But Then I Screw’d It Up. (As Usual)
The ‘Program’ Was to go to The Inner-City Ghettos of Chicago and Tutor Poor Black Kids. Michelle and I Were actually Very Sincere About This ‘Work’ and We Bonded Every Saturday as we rode the Bus To Chicago. We Wanted to do Good Work–Serve The Community–Honourably Represent Our Navy. Continue reading
Do NOT Read This! I Am Still in my HollOw WaLLOW—mISSING My Navy Life! And My Army Veteran Wife! AMERICANS ARE THE DUMBEST F%&KING STUPIDEST PEOPLE ON EARTH! AND THIS PAINS ME TO ADMIT BECAUSE Y’ALL KNOW I’m A Fricken’ Patriot! And Y’all Know HOW MUCH I LOVE MY COUNTRY!
Americans are The Real DEAL! F*ck Everyone Else! And I have Been ‘Round the Whurl So What?! So Fucking What?! I’LL EXPAND ON THIS RIGHT AFTER I GET DONE THROWING MY TELEVISON AND CNN THROUGH MY FUKKIN’ WINDOW THE HOLE IS ALREADY THERE! NO LARGE DEAL! “Barely an Inconvience” (Yeah I stole that line too!) … Continue reading
No! I am too Drunk to do this Proper Justice! I’ll get Back to it. Maybe. There Are Some Things I Don’t Like To Think About, Talk About, or Write About.
I Served My Country With Honour & Pride! Only Saw Combat Once Scared The Shit Outta me! But I did My Duty! *******
I Caint Hep it! I am So Much in Love/Lust w/Her: Rickie Lee Teaser! (“Lookie Here Y’all”) So Many wimmens I Love–So Little Time! (Loan Me a Dime? Hey Buddy? Can U Spare a Dime? Or Some Time? I’ll Bend Yer Ear With Pity-Me Stories. “I’m In A Half-Way Mouse-House On A One-way Street!–Go On! Look Alive!” “Lance! Lance! LANCE!! Stop Beating This Dead Horse! We get it! You Love Rickie Lee!”
No Bullshit Found Here
I love
This Woman
“Your Talk is cheap Lance”
“Go Get Fucked. Like my ‘talk’ now? Pricey enuff for ya?”
Continue reading
Screw it! I am gonna Keep Re-Posting Shit, ‘Till I Run Outta Gas! F%@k it! Re-Visit It! m– m–Added some Joan–As God As My Witness Witness: This all aboutna A Broad I Once knew— Jessie! That wuz Her Moniker! This is All I Wanted/Needed! Needed in My Life! Needed in My Life! Please! “I was in Need of a Soft Woman” (Texan, if you please) But I’ll Settle for Oklahoma–Did that once. “Insanity” is Just a “Scare” Word. We are all Mundane & & & And Insane
Linda is so beautiful.
A treasure to be treasured. Continue reading
F%#k It! I love This Woman! I Muther-Fukkin’ Fukking Love Her!!!! Ever’Thang ‘Bout Her!
I LOVE HER! Continue reading
(This Post is All Fukked Up! Convo=lute’d I May Edit it Later! Or Not!) Why Not? Why The Fuk Not Re-Post?? I Got Nothing Else to Do! Screw U! (OK! I did NOT Reeely Mean the “Screw U” Bit!) I WAS Just Joshin’ “Short UBH Bit I …. Fuk it! Saga Continues”
Warm Beer Cold WimmensI just Don’t Fit in Cred: Tom—Fuk Off! **************************** I Ab-So-Flutely Love Thjis Jist This Jist This Jist of a of Real of of a Woman!—A Real Woman! A For Real Woman! A page from my Misfit Notebook while at UBH. (Note to self: “Self, you need to continue your UBH Saga.”) … Continue reading
iT hAS cOME TO mY feeble aTTENTION Span, (fROM a gREAT, Wonderful GrEaT FRiENd–wISH She Were My GF fiend–But, Alas! She Fucking Hates My Ass!—Her Name Begins w/an “M”) That leaving “Comments” on My Page is a royal Pain in the Azz! I am Werkin’ The Problem to fix This!—Give Me Some Time! I am An Alcoholic! Takes Me A Lil’ While to Fix Shit!
iT hAS cOME TO mY aTTENTION (fROM a gREAT fRIEND–Her Name Begins w/an “M”) Continue reading
It’s Alright Ma; I’m Only Bleeding
Why???? Where??? When???? Continue reading
Do NOT Look At This! Let Alone READ It! TRIGGER WARNING! This Post is Obnoxious & Insulting, But It Accurately Depicts My Mood At The Time I Wrote it. I NEVER Lie to Y’all. –Updated! Had to Add Some Linda at The End–Cannot Believe I Forgot! This Post is all Fucked UP. Guess What? I No Longer Dare to CArE! Don’t GIvE A sHiT! fUcK IT! “Hearts are like AssHoles; eVer’one gOts one!”
Do NOT READ THIS
It is Depressing
Lo siento mi vida Continue reading
Have a Wonderful, Happy, Beautiful, Bless’d Day: Yu’ll will All BE OK–All Be OK Yay!—I LOVE & Appreciate ALL Y’alls! All My Readers! All Four of Y’all!–Chug-A-Lug Chug-A-Lug Y’all!– Have One On Me! But–I Generally Drink Alone! (I Create Fewer Enemies That Way) P.S. My Life is a Train Wreck, But Y’all Knew This Already, Been Described That Way, By A Woman I tried to Love Once. Back in Navy Daze…. She’s all Just a Blurry Haze Now.
HuH? What? Whut did He Say??? Continue reading
I’m Really Having a Bad Daay, Problem Today! I Miss My Sister! “Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)” I Was in Denial for Years! Now, recently, the dark, stark realization washes over me, I cannot deal with this! I Miss My Sis! I Miss My Sister!
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo)
Found ourselves standing before Daddy.
In His Study. Continue reading
Fuk It! It is a Sister Kind of Day! I Miss Her So Fukking Much!!! Just Shoot Me! In the Head! Twice! “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” You Can’t. Trust Me: I’ve Tried.
“How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” You Can’t. Trust Me: I’ve Tried. Continue reading
I Miss Her—-So Much! I Toned This Title Down A Mite (Ever Try To Tone Down A Mite?–Exercise in Futility–Damn Slippery Bastards, Them Mites) A Thousand Apologies To Anyone I MAY HAVE Offended. I Just MISS My Sis. “Fuck Everything!!!! I do Not Give a shit! Read if you have a want. Don’t if You don’t. I don’t Care!
I hate livin’ in My World w/o her in it! Continue reading
mORE tEx-I-CAN bULL-sHITe! “The Raven”
The Greatest Texan
Sam Houston!!
Who was a Tennessean (Virginian by birth) through no fault of his own Continue reading
I love Ever’Thang Whut Puks Its Own Self Out Out Of MY Texas! I May Be Drunk. Sorry If This Post Is All Fukked Up. I Might Fix It Later, But Do Not Set Yer Watch… Or Use Yer TI CalculatoR! Kinda, Sorta, Maybe, Updated, Expanded, Or Not….More Janis! (Native Texan Gal!–Port Auther, Nother–Mother-Fucker) “I Got Dem Ol’ Time Turtle Blues Again Mama!” (Apologies to Janis Joplin)
My mother was probably
“The Original Hippy Chick.”
When Haight-Asbury was in full bloom, she would not shut up about it until we went there.
I knew a little of the ‘Hippy Culture’ back then, yet had no desire to experience it ‘up close an’ personal.’ Mom did.
Continue reading
California on my Mind (mIND? MiNd? No I Don’t Mind! I No Longer Have The TIME! NOr The DiMe) I No Longer Have ONe! But Texas Always in my Heart???? Huh??? And OnCE a=GIN” fUK u word-de-Pressed! i CANnOT eDIit This!!!! Why Not???? Why The Fuk NOT???? Fuk U Word-Disstressed!
MinD???
wHUT mIND? wHUT IS dAT?
Did I ever posses Such a Thing?????? Continue reading
Do Not Even Bother! I am In ‘Drunk Mode’ ! Slightly Up-Dated–And Pontificated—Don’t Even Bother! Throw-Back: I re-iterated at the end …. Amen! The End!
Do Not Read Me
I Am
Crazy! Continue reading
Yes! I Want Her In My Wig-Wamn! Yes! I want her in My wig Wam! I want Her in My Pants! I wanna watch her dance! I wanna Make Romance! I Want Her In My Bed! I Wanna be Wed—To Her! And I Want my Mind back! Atom-Bomb Baby! I Have LOST My FUCKIN’ Mind! “How Did We Ever…” Updated! One More Vid! Atom Anomallyeee! Yippee! Ki Aye! China is Gonna Take Taiwan. So Long Taiwan! and So Long Computer Chips! (Just in Case You Didn’t Know… Lance is Really Stupid!)
Ah shit!
I’m done with my rant.
Let’s lighten it up a mite.
And I have discovered that I have already posted on this topic, but fuck it. Grab yer bucket and climb into it.
Then fuck it.
Yeah.
Fuk yer bucket.
Call it yer bucket mist list.
Duck and fucking cover
I really do miss the Cold War. Now go Kill a Commie for Mommie. Continue reading
Pls Pls! Please! Please Re_Read— I Added some Shit! I am in Love With Her! DOES It Show? Does NEOne Give a Hoot? I Certain Don’t! Watch Watch! Watch!!! THE Videos! Please Watch! The Videos! Yes! I am For Reals In Love w/Her! she’s My Sweet Lil’ Texan Thang! Stream of Un-Consciousness!
Huh??? Continue reading
I Love My NAVY! I Love My Navy! I Love My Navy! I Love MY NAVY! FUK ME! I Love Me Navy! I Rally LOVe My Navy! Can U tell? Does it Show? I Know it is Eighty Years Now! I’ll Get to/Over it!! Event-a-Llly. Amen! Do Not Count on It! Yeah! I’ve been to Japan! Twice! Nice Fukkin’ Folks! So What?! I still hate them!
I Love My Navy! Continue reading
“Lance! Go fuk Yerself Abusive Lovely Muse–Chapter Le Two” DuH!
I sat down and starting writing. Muse was over my shoulder, massaging my hurting neck. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“My Job, Musing.” Continue reading
“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After) It is a Linda Kind of DaY
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:
No. Fuk this. The reason had a short hapless half-life. Continue reading
I NEVER Mean to Be Mean. Or To Offend. But I Have Reached That Age / Stage In Life Whereby I Don’t Give A Shit. If You ARE Offended By Anything I Write, That is YOUR Problem. Not MINE
Never Mean to OFFEND,
But IF I Do…
Offend YOU,
Not MY Problem!
That’s ALL On YOU! Continue reading
Re-Post it—Becasus’es I Lover Her “You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy” I love U Dorothy!
“I Love and Admire You Dorothy.Always Have.Always Shall. You are an American Icon.” She invented that “Sopwith Camel Hamill” Move! *** “And Thank You For Being My Teenage Fantasy Crush” –Lance So Much Class! So Much Class! And Oh So Very Very Beautiful & Talented! And Charming! Vid Cred: Wat Bradford (Bravo Wat! Brilliant Choice … Continue reading
f`K It! Re-Visit it! I rEPOST IT! mY cHRISTMAS sUCK’ED! yERS? “Escape From Memphis–Chapter One” i jUST want a soft woman to hold me!–Lay Down beside me—Tell Me Ever’thing gonna be OK! I’ll Admit it! I want Linda: No One Else! I want Linda! Linda! In My Life! iN mY LIFE! In MY bED! “Yer the Story oF My Life” I’m gona shut uup now! And JusT WatCh & LIStEN
The Lamp is broken.
(You’ll have to scroll down)
Must I do ever’thang?
I Know! I Know! I Know!! I KnoW I Know I know I KNoW I … I Know I Know I Know I Know I know I am Am A Fucking KNOWN!!! Asshole! I KNOw I KnOw I know I’m a Fukking asshole! I am, A fuckkking Asshole! But I AM not fUCkIN’ sTUpId! “Shoot Low Sir; I Think she’s Riding a Shetland.” I KnoW! Hand Me the Rifle, watch this and STFU! I Know I Know I Know….
Fuk Me! Continue reading
Just fer FUN! Merry Christmas! Have Half a Laugh, a Laugh On Me!— Merrry Christmas!! “Life Lesson Learned: Don’t Go ’round Kicking Sinai Spiders in The Ass! (Uh, This One Ain’t No Re-Run. It be brand-spankin’ New)” OK: I Lied. Sue Me! Good Luck!
Revisit this one.
I just thought it was fucking funny.
Mainly because it is a true story. Continue reading
Screw it! Please re-Visit! Related to mY Recents… Random Memories from The Middle Of The East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh
Re-Read this one.
You will laugh.
I swear.
I swear a lot.
I am a fucking sailor.
Wanna sue me?
Good luck with that. Continue reading
For ALL MY Gals! Godamn! How I Do Love Them! Them TEXAS WOMEN!!! I Could Go On, But I Think I Have already Flooded This Post. I Love Texas & Texas Women… Nuff Said!
I wish upon a star…. Texas Woman! Come to Me! Continue reading
Just Shoot Me! In the Head–Twice! “Just in Time for Easter (OK It’s Late–Sue or Screw me… Only if you are a red-headed female, that is. I mean the screwing part. The suing part? Have at it. Good luck)”
I am an idiot.
And an asshole.
Lewd, crude, rude
And socially unacceptable.
This is all very well-documented Continue reading
wHY IS nO-One reading This??? I Broke My bAlls writInG it! I spend (t) Some–Me Time—I droP’ed A FUkkin’ DIme! Fuk it Lance! Re-Post it! Words That Need to Be Re-Read! Re-Said! DO NOT READ THIS ONE EITHER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! “More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars” P.S., This is The ‘Proper’ Path to Flame & Fame!—Heed & Read & Pay Attention. Please Try to Pay Attention. PS: I love The chick on The violin…. too fukkiN BaD shE AIn’T Red-HEead! See Dylan Vid Below
I once knew a Theist named Kent
He told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent Continue reading
Pls Re-Vis’t This–It Makes No Sense!…. Made Me Cry… Don’t Even Know Why! To Think That I Actually Wrote it! What Was I Not Drinking??? Diana?? Diana? Why Did You die??? I am So Sorry! (And Christopher Hitchens, You are Cordially Invited to Kiss My Ass! Goy-To gO Fuk U’Self!–Wanna-Be Jew–U – Too(L)!) Look it the Fuk Up! Merry Fucking Christmas! Spend YerS as Yu Will: This is how I Chooose to Spine Mine!
CNN is Running Their ‘Diana CNN Presents’. We’ll See If They Tell Her Real TRUE Story & With Respect. Continue reading
Fuk it Lance! Re-Post it! Words That Need to Be Re-Read! Re-Said! DO NOT READ THIS ONE EITHER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! “More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars” P.S., This is The ‘Proper’ Path to Flame & Fame!—Heed & Read & Pay Attention. Please Try to Pay Attention. PS: I love The chick on The violin…. See Dylan Vid Below
I once knew a Theist named Kent
He told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent Continue reading
Addendum To My Last (Recent PAST)
And So This is Christmas???“ Continue reading
I SSuck! HOLLYWOOD! Up-Dated!! Re-Visit This One Y’all. It is fucking Awesome! The Vids! The Vids! The Vids! Ignore My Prose! Watch the Videos!
In Need indeed, needs more love. Continue reading
Fuk Me! I am PISSE’D! Jury Duty, Texas Style Part Two–THE SYSTEM BROKE Down!
Part One Here. After we had all settled in with our coffees and doughnuts graciously provided by Hunt County we began our deliberation by comparing notes from the previous day’s testimony. It didn’t take me long to figure out that not everyone had the same impressions of what had transpired. Therefore the first order of … Continue reading
Juries are Stupid! Read The Atheist Part “Jury Duty, Texas Style: A Re-Post”
On the appointed day I dutifully showed up at the Hunt County Courthouse (in a borrowed car) along with about one hundred twenty thusly cursed potential selectees. Continue reading
GUILTY ON ALL COUNTS???? Goddamn It!!! Justice Was NOT Served Today!
I’LL GET BACK TO THIS FOR SHIT-SURE Continue reading
***BREAKING NEWS*** (Kinda Sorta)
“Outcome” reached in Officer Potter Case!
What precisely does this mean? Continue reading
(Somewhat Expanded–B4 Being Abandoned) “My Dear Friend, Johncoyote, Poet, Raconteur, and All-Around Swell Guy, Reminded me of This Old Post O’Mine, So I Thought I’d Re-Post It. ‘Tis The Season of Giving, n’est-ce pas? “He Drinks at Home Now Most Nights With the TV on and all the house lights Left Up Bright…”
“I’m gonna blow this damn candle out.” Continue reading
I Grow Weary, Teary, — Weary of Beating Me UP–Is There Not Someone Else??? To Beat Up? On Me?— This One, I Wrote/Felt/Deep Was Painful To Admit… Pls Re-Visit, and this time… Comment. I Need it! “Janis Ian handed my ass to me. For one shining brief moment, I had the attention of Janis Ian. Then I somehow managed to Fuck That up.”
I am sad
And chock-full of remorse
Of Course Continue reading
We (‘Mericans) Can Send A Man At & To The Moon. Why Cannot We Make a Dollar Ninety-Nine Cents Can Opener That will Effortlessly Open A Fu*kin’ Can Of Tuna-Fish?? I ‘Axe’ You This Serious Question.
Huh?
Fuck is He Talkin’ ‘Bout?
Can’t Openers, You Moron!
Oh Continue reading
Christmas Is Gonna Be Rough On Me This Year–Oh D(r)ear–In Yer Ear… “All The Lettuce is Brown, Alien, And Alive! Yes, I Am Properly F#^ked! Oh, Almost Forgot: And The Milk is Gray. Okay? José?”
I need to die soon Continue reading
This is Ded-Eye-Cated To A Woman Of Whom I Am Rather Fond, But Who Hates Me (Whew! Dat’s A bold Statement Cowboy) Her Name Begins With An ‘M’ and ends W/An ,,, N/M–No Doxxer Here! Not I. She Won’t read this NEway. “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife VI: Vegas’ ‘Soft Porn’, or ‘Blue Hotel Room’
Do NOT Read This With Kids Around!
It is Christmas time
Go Wrap the Presents
Git Yer Mind Outta My gutter.
I Live There all alone
Merry Christmas Continue reading
Redundancy ‘R’ Us! Ever Aware of the Term: ‘Caint Git Blood Outta a Turnip?’ Well, Yer Here Dear! “Yeah. I am Angry Today. So What?! I’ll Live Over It. TEXAS WOMEN Are The Only Women I give A Shit About. That’s Right; You’re Not From Texas But Texas Loves You Anyway” I LOVE Texas! Git Over It!
“That’s right; you’re not from Texas.” Continue reading
Stupid is as Stupid Does: “The Happiest Year of My Life Remember’d” One Takes Their Memories Wherever One May Find Them–That, Right There is An Original Quote by Yers-Surly–Lancers
The news of late from CNN foretells the fall of Anbar Province and of Baghdad. I spent one year working in Anbar Province. This was the happiest (on record) year of my life. I am attaching a video and yes it is corny, and yes, the music is somewhat ‘gay’, and no, this was not … Continue reading
And Since This is Supposed to be Christmas… Christmas Camp Wolf, Iraq 2007
“And So This is Christ-Mass?”
Really??? Continue reading
“Danger! Danger! Will Robinson! Up-Dated! Uh… Did I Write this? Muse? Did I WRITE This? Actually? Yes, You Say? Bullshit! YOU Wrote it Bitch! The Remainder of the Remind-Her is in The Ded Body of the Title Witch May Be Discovered in the Dead body…. Of The Title. Look to the Bodies! No Further!
Do Not even
Come near me right now.
I am insanity!! on Steroids!
Person-if- fried. Continue reading
It’s The Time of the Season to Be Happy & Rejoice! Git After It Y’all. Merry Christmas! “More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”–A Re-Werked, Marvelous-Much Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Season. Please Enjoy. J’espère Vous Do (VooDoo? You too? Day-um! Guess I am Not As Alone as I Thot I was)
MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL Continue reading
Christmas in Cali, Circa Sixty-Seven. Spoiled Beyond Redemption–Childish, Still Selfish, But Took My First Unsteady Step Toward Becoming A Man, A Good Man–An Aware Man–A Lesson That Has Served Me Well. Hope You Can Tell.
Christmas of ’67.
I shall never forget it.
Nope.
Never. Continue reading
“Lagertha/Katheryn The Un-Stoppable!” Valhalla or Bust! Y’all!
Dreams Can Come True! Continue reading
I Wish To Apologize For My Liberal Use Of Profanity. I Know it Offends. (I do try to ‘tone it down’—Somewhat, Or Not) I Am “Sory,” But I am a Fuckin’ Sailor. I Will Never Apologize For Being That.
John Denver – I’m Sorry Cred for Share: John Denver Brenda Lee – I’m Sorry Cred for Share: John1948TwoB1b
Dice is Nice, Candy is Dandy, But Liquor is Quicker! (Jes Sayin’)
Dice is Nice!
But Liquor’s Quicker Continue reading
ReReeeRe_Runs! “Lance, You Lie Redux, Or “Dark-Eyed Ragin’ Cajun Woman” This is a long series. Anyone who slogs thru it gets a free Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener–Color of your choice. Free shipping. (Links to the chapters are in the bodies of the bodies…)
For Louisiana
This post needs more affection Continue reading
Re-Run Alert! “Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Two
“If You Do Not Make Muster and Sign In You Will Not Be Paid. And Furthermore: Not Making Muster Will Result In Disciplinary Action Up To And Including Termination (And An Ass Rendering Administered By Conan Our Resident Barbarian) Thank You for Complying and have a nice day…yada yada yada.”
South Park HQ Continue reading
Re-Runs Are Fun! —“Letter From a South Park Jail” Letter The First: Part One (Apology to MLK for Shamelessly Appropriating A Great Title)
I need to be ‘institutionalized’ somewhere far far away. A place where life is tenuous at worst and exciting at best and the pay is good and booze is scarce and the women are… well, usually not to be found, except on the Internet Continue reading
Crit Drinker! My Spirit Man-imal! He’s An Asshole! Just Like Me! See The Attraction? I Love Him!
The Drinker Recommends… Arcane Must Watch! Film Buffs! Addled Bonuses:
Try This Older Version. “Part Three of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific.” I Hate Hate Hate! WordPress!
I just had to have some chat with her.
And By God, I would.
Or die.
I became useless for the rest of the evening.
Continue reading
WP Screwed This One Up As well! Damnit! Fuk it! I Give UP! YuP! Thunder – Bolt! “Part Three of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”
I just had to have some chat with her.
And By God, I would.
Or die.
I became useless for the rest of the evening.
Continue reading
Rue the Fukkin’ Day! Now To Go Away! To Stay! “UBH Beach Ball Bingo (And Waiting On The Bus)”
“Maybe I’ll Just Go Away To Stay” Rosanne Cash – Blue Moon With Heartache I’ll Play The Victim For You Honey, But Not For Free. You know that “life” don’t hold no glamour Anymore An hour or two before I was scheduled to depart UBH, Brenda, the Ornamental Chinese Psychiatrist began a group session. She … Continue reading
My Mind is GONE! Blown! “Denton UBH Day One: Stepping Through The Door” “This is Ground Control To Major Tom! Take Your Protein Pills & Put your Helmet On. Time to Leave The Capsule if you Dare!”
I suppose it’s time. Time to ‘revisit’ this. (At least the music is good) Continue reading
Mandy’s of the World: Unite! Steer Clear of Lance Marcom! (Trust Me On This One Ladies)
Typical, Representative of The ‘Mandy’ Species
(In My Humble Experience Anyway) Continue reading
This Post Got Screwed Up! Ergo I Re-Post It! I Can Outlast You WP–Try Me! “The Marine”
What’s Your Name? Who’s Your Daddy? He rich? Is He Rich Like Me? ****** I still love her Unlike… Not too pretty I still love August 26, 2021 From my recent posts on facefuck: I have been asleep for the past eight hours. I am scrambling to catch up. Marines are dead? WTF has happened? … Continue reading
YuP! Thunder – Bolt! “Part Three of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”
I just had to have some chat with her.
And By God, I would.
Or die.
I became useless for the rest of the evening.
Continue reading
This Post is All Fukked YUP! Sorry! Still Reminiscing!—“Part Six of A Sailor’s Scholarly History of the South Pacific: Mary-Lou and Mama-San and Gainful Unemployment”
Here is how bar fines are not designed to work:
You do NOT Lose it. (Your receipt)
You broke it; you bought it.
You hand over your receipt to your rental so she can leave you. Continue reading
Must Re-Post–Still In Navy Patriotic Mode!–“Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’”
I just recently got back in touch with my “Inner-Blondie” Eighties, and recalled this stupid post.
So, what to do?
Repost it.
Bitch
And never, ever, look for logic here. Go somewhere else.
Continue reading
Yep! They Were! “Don’t RUST On My Parade:
“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!”
I had to admit. Yes they were. Continue reading
On First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well–It Got Better, But Then I Screw’d It Up. (As Usual)
The ‘Program’ Was to go to The Inner-City Ghettos of Chicago and Tutor Poor Black Kids. Michelle and I Were actually Very Sincere About This ‘Work’ and We Bonded Every Saturday as we rode the Bus To Chicago. We Wanted to do Good Work–Serve The Community–Honourably Represent Our Navy. Continue reading
She Marine
Marine! So Clean! So Fine!Not Mine! I fukked UP! She was Mine for the asking! I fucked it up! Marine!
Fuk it! Re-Spam it! Go Navy! Beat Army! This Post DESERVES More love! C’mon Y’all! I do THIS for YOU!! “Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific” Scrooool Down For The Good Stuff! “I Lub Yu No Shit—Buy Me Honda!”
Sorry Y’all, but I must repost this because I have made a new Friend, a Veteran, and I want him to be able to find it and hopefully read it.
Even tho, he is a Marine… Hell, I’ll forgive him that. We are both patriots. Continue reading
Revisit This One! I love Her (I Cannot Write This— It Hurts–Breaks My Heart) Her Un-Timely Death Really Fukked Me UP! *** Lance! This Ain’t ‘Bout You! Fuck U! Her Brother, Richard, was Gay. She loved him Anyway. By The Way, Lance Ain’t Gay! Go Away! (Lance Just Has A Lot of Gay Friends)
Janis & Jon—ie Continue reading
Expanded! Screwed-UP Inebriated! Added Gene Kelly! Happy, Up-Beat Song! *** Mess’d With! Edited To Death! With!
Had to.
Had to repost.
“Why Lance?”
“Because… Jennifer Grey. Okay?”
“OK. Whatever floats yer boat.” Continue reading
Do Not Read This! It is a Pitiful Pity Party… “Karen? (Nice to Know Somebody Loved Me) Once or Twice. I Always Loved YOU Karen”
I don’t like spiders and snakes. But I do love Karen, Karen Carpenter. Video Credit: “Carpenters” Carpenters Duh! Karen? Why? Oh why? Why did you leave us? Karen! Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? I suppose you were broken As am I But I am still Alive! … Continue reading
Expanded! Inebriated! Fucked With! Edited To Death! With! “FUK IS WRONG With ME??? Another Re-Spam: A Re-Rant, If Yu Will. Will? Where the Fuk? Are You??. Why am I So Angry of Late?? What is WRONG With Me? Can There Ever Be Anything RIGHT With Me? Other Than My Politics?— “Here Comes a Rant: Stand By For Heavy Rolls As The Shit Comes About”
Had to.
Had to repost.
“Why Lance?”
“Because… Jennifer Grey. Okay?”
“OK. Whatever floats yer boat.” Continue reading
Up-Dated!–Added A Lot of Superfluous Bull-Shite– Addled! That’s My Story–Stickin’ to it. (Spacemen from Mars stole all of my money–I can play the game. They Love me Just The Same…) Laughing My Ass Off Any—way!–At Me!
Proving (once again) That My Life Has a Sound-Track Continue reading
Re-Visit Please–Moldy Oldie! “True Grit Redux”
Just Bullshit!
“That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.” Continue reading
My ‘Face-Time’ With Google. Y’all Don’t Wanna Miss This. I will write it Soon–UPDATE! 12/10/2021 1926hrs: I Shall NOT Enlarge This Post: Google is NOT Worth My Time. Sorry–Maybe Later, When They Truly, For Really, PISS Me Off
I am done w/Google But they own My life! What to do? Punt Cunt! *****
“Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store. Denouement—End—All’s Well That… Oh Well… Fukkk This! I Miss My Sis!
After about thirty minutes Madelyn returned to the dinette table and sat down. Then quickly got up’
“I set, you clear” she said glaring at me.
Gloria said, “Madelyn…?” But too late. Continue reading
Fuck it Re-Vist m– m–Added some Joan–As God As My Witness: This all aboutna A Broad I knew— Jessie! This is All I Want/Need! Please! “I’m in Need of a Soft Woman” (Texan, if you please) But I’ll Settle for Oklahoma–Did that once. “Insanity” is Just a “Scare” Word. We are all Mundane & & & And Insane
Linda is so beautiful.
A treasure to be treasured. Continue reading
As God As My Witness, This is All I Want For Christmas: A Soft Woman” (Texan, if you please) But I’ll Settle for Oklahoma–Did that once.
Linda is so beautiful.
A treasure to be treasured. Continue reading
This is Just For Marla: Igor it! Dammmmnit! It is Just for HER!
My “Real-Life–“Abusive Muse” Fuck it! I’ll Edit it Later! Muses! Confused’d
I have LOST MY FUCKING MIND, As Holi-daze Approach’eth! “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” Do NOT Read This! It is Shame-Full–Not Proud of it, But How I Feel–Real DEAL!
Madelyn & Me!
Me & Madelyn!
On-The-Stage!
Stars!
She & Me!
Me & She! Continue reading
Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store. Denouement—End—All’s Well That… Oh Well… Fukkk This! I Miss My Sis! If You Havn’t Figured Me Out By Now… You Need to go Away.
After about thirty minutes Madelyn returned to the dinette table and sat down. Then quickly got up’
“I set, you clear” she said glaring at me.
Gloria said, “Madelyn…?” But too late. Continue reading
I Beg Your Pardon. I am an Asshole! And a Sailor. And A Texan! Deal With It, Or Step The Fuck Off!
Never Mind Continue reading
Fired Marshall: Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Chapter Six
Maddy
Don’t Fuck this Up! Continue reading
Did I ACTUALLY WRITE This Shite?!?! I Must Have Been Drunk! “Roach Motel”
“Hey Look At me!
With the DDT!”
Naw, that would be ‘against-the-law! Continue reading
I Cannot Believe What Just Happened To/For Me!
There came a faint, polite knock upon my back door.
I opened it (of course–I have no fear.)
Standing there…
Woman with a bag in her hand.
“I have all this food left over”
She handed me the bag. Continue reading
I Have Successfully Climbed Back Onboard My Wagon–Wish Me Luck–Gonna be A Bumpy Ride: Lots of Potholes To Avoid. I’d Better Strap In. Tight!–Fasten My Seat-Belt
Quitting Booze is easy.
I’ve done it dozens of times. Continue reading
Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife
For the life of me, I could not spy a single pool table nor a shuffle board nor even an air hockey table. Certainly no mechanical bull.
Honky-Tonk Travesty! Continue reading
Yes To Most of You ‘Frequent Flyers,’ This Was Posted Back In June. “Shonnie: Just Some Last Thoughts & One “Reminisce”–Important ‘Breaking News’ Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over'”
Let’s Get This Out of the Way First:
“SPOILER ALERT!”
Do NOT Read Unless You are Already Familiar With The Story from Reading the Original Series.
Skip Ahead to Here Chapter One: Continue reading
UpDated: Added Some Vids. LOTS of VIDS!–Oops! I Did It Again!–This Has Turned Into A Frivolously Fun Post
“It breaks my heart just looking at her”
Her eyes should be classified
as lethal weapons
Jamie-Lynn Sigler Continue reading
Just a Rerun–John Coyote Brought Her Back To My Mind With His Recent Leonard Cohen Post. Here’s Mine: “Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses “And you know that she’s half-crazy”–therein lies the attraction”
Suzanne needs more love.
Lance does too.
And so does this post Continue reading
FINALLY! BYE BYE ASSHOLE! HAHHAHA!
LMFAO LOSER! ‘Tucker Carlson Tonight’ host reacts to the network’s decision to suspend Chris Cuomo ‘indefinitely’, pending further evaluation. ‘Tucker’, you left out the main reason he got shit-canned: He was using his CNN power and his staff to attempt to get dirt on the women who had come forward with their experiences of being … Continue reading
UpDated: More Vids! “Must Watch” For Film Buffs: “Why Modern Movies Suck”–Critical Drinker. Continuing Series
Movies!
Fuck Hollywood! Continue reading
Special Thanks To My Frin’ Marla, I Must Re-Post This! “He Went to Paris: I can smell the Darkness” Yet another One You Should NOT Read. It is Only Really meant for Marla. I Hope She Reads It
Yet another one do not read! And he went to England; played the piano, married an actress named “Kim:”… She was a good wife… ‘I’ loved her. This is a continuation, albeit a flashback, to my story of Janet and Random Memories from The Middle East. Months before the events inked here, here, here, and … Continue reading
Annie! Don’t Get Your Gun—We Cool–Lah Dee Dah
I LOVE Women!
La Dee Dah! Continue reading
Still in “Hopeless Romantic Mode”—- Just Watch The Clips; Ignore My Quips. “MANHATTAN PET PROJECT”
OK. I’ll admit it. I love her.
But then, I love most women. I am easy to catch, hard to hold. Good Luck Ladies. Continue reading
Listening / Watching Audrey Sing “Moon River” ALWAYS Makes Me Cry, But Then, I am A Hopeless, Helpless Romantic. —“Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part XIII: “La Jolla: Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous” or “My Beautiful Fair Mystery Lady Wrapped in an Enigma”
I repost this only for Audrey.
And of course for Shonnie:
That one that got away…. Continue reading
Since I Remain In U.S. Navy War in the Pacific Posture… “Something Wrong” Ronstadt? Are You There? Do You Care? (And FU WordPress! Why Cannot I Edit This Chocolate Mess? Fuck You WordPress!!)
Fuck this World.
Stop this fucking train.
I wanna get off. Continue reading
Mind Gone! mY Mind! My Mind Blown! “Look like th’innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t” or “Come you spirits, That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here.”
“Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?”
–Lady Macbeth Continue reading
I am too lazy to edit this. Just watch it.
Three Gennis Works from the Bard, This Being My favorote
And yes I know I cannot spell
Kat!
There is that! Continue reading
“I’m the Asshole; Not Y’all” Anticipation Of A Bad Ending! I am Fresh Out of Booze & Freshh Out of Money. In Short: I am Properly Fucked!
DT Man is in the parking lot absent-minded—lee Workin’ A Crossword Puzzel And Just Standing by (Someday I amma gonna kill that Mother-Fucker For Reals– Kill Him Permanant) Waiting like a fukkin’ spider! Ordinarilly / historically, I love spiders But not this one I do Not Want to Revisit The Loony Bin With All the … Continue reading
I Am A Fukkin’ Loser (And A Moron)
I am an idiot!
And a Loser
I cannot spell!
I cannot write.
I do not even know how to live!
Maybe I can figure out how to die
Properly
Fuck Lance!
Continue reading
This Is A Goddamn Pity-Party…Please Don’t Read. I am Ashamed of Me!!! FTW! “Fuck The World! Back! Fuk it! I still MISS HER SO MUCH! I Miss That Bitch! So MARVELOUS
Much! Missed Bitch! I am Losing my fucking mind over memories of her! I Cannot Spell or Type, or Think for Shit, Goddamn You Bitch! Why Do You Continue to HAUNT My Feeble Mind??? Goddamnit! Madelyn! Why did you Leave Me?! “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” I want My Sister Back! … Continue reading
OH MY FUCKING GOD! Thanks God For Giving A Shit About Me! (And For Being So Generous & Kind To Send Two Of Your Angels My Way) There Are Still Good Folks In This Topsy-Turvy Whurl! (There is a Convoluted Post Buried In Here Somewhere—Good Luck Finding It–I Can’t) Fuk It! I give up! I’m Gonna Git Drunk! I Reeeely Do NOT Need Yer Help In This Ambition! / Enterprise / Surprized?
I love My Life
I Have been BLESSED
bY
gOOD
pEIOPLE Continue reading
Needs– Mo’ Love— Put Some Effort Into This One: “Lance, You Lie Redux, Or “Dark-Eyed Ragin’ Cajun Woman” This is a long series. Anyone who slogs thru it gets a free Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener–Color of your choice. Free shipping. (Links to the chapters are in the bodies of the bodies…)”
For Louisiana
This post needs more affection Continue reading
Have A Happy Thanks-Giving With Your Family. As I spend Mine All Alone On My Pity Party Train: All Aboard! “One More Madelyn Reminisce: Thanksgiving Seventy-Four or So…” Scroll The Fuck Way Down If you Are Clueless in Texas
Once, during a Thanksgiving, we were all seated about the solid oak table (sat 14) in the ‘Great Hall’ of Marcom Manor Continue reading
Medgar Evers
Now More than ever, Medgar Continue reading
I Am So HAPPY With Today’s Verdict. Justice Was Properly Served. Three Assholes Shot An un-armed Man. Yeah, He was ‘probabably’ Up To No good–A Petty Thief, But Did He deserve to die? Why? Shot to Death by 3 Assholes! Fuk Them! Draw and Quarter Them, Then Set Their Bodies On Fucking Fire!
Yes!
Justice! Continue reading
Please Re-Vist This! I Need Some Courage To Finish It! There is too Much Macbeth/Hamlet in Me! “Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Five: “I Have Done The Deed! Sleep No More!” Milady Macbeth”
Did The Deed
Burned The Bitch Down! Continue reading
I Miss Gladys: She Was A Casablancan Bitch On Wheels—She Drove Me To Insanity-Land—I Didn’t Even Have To Pay For The Petrol— “Early Thursday TB: ‘TA’ Does Not Always Mean ‘Tits an’ Ass'”
First Israeli Love. Her name was Gladys Lehani and she spoke French, English, Hebrew, and Lies. Continue reading
Fukk It! I Adore This Woman! So I Re-Posted It! Expanded It! Fuk It…. Rita! I LOVE You!
Reposting this for a fren…. who put an earworm in my ear.
Thanks Fren…
I appreciate you.
(not really, but it looks good in print) Continue reading
Well, I just got back from New York city; Kris and Rita done it all
To Be So Smart Kris,
You Were An Idiot!
(I Can Relate!) Continue reading
Some “Must Watch” For Film Buffs: “Why Modern Movies Suck”–Critical Drinker. Continuing Series
Movies!
Fuck Hollywood! Continue reading
I May Be Drunk. Sorry If This Post Is All Fukked Up. I May Fix It Later, But Do Not Set Yer Watch… Kinda, Sorta, Maybe, Updated, Expanded, Or Not….More Janis! (Native Texan Gal!) “I Got Dem Ol’ Time Turtle Blues Again Mama!” (Apologies to Janis Joplin)
My mother was probably
“The Original Hippy Chick.”
When Haight-Asbury was in full bloom, she would not shut up about it until we went there.
I knew a little of the ‘Hippy Culture’ back then, yet had no desire to experience it ‘up close an’ personal.’ Mom did.
Continue reading
Well At Least I Showed Up. Twice! — “Running In Soft Sand: Intro”
Zero Four. Alarm going off! I knock it off the nightstand. It whimpers for an instant and then grows silent.
Four o’clock!?
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Where am I?
Who am I? Continue reading
On First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well–It Got Better, But Then I Fucked It Up. (As Usual)
The ‘Program’ Was to go to The Inner-City Ghettos of Chicago and Tutor Poor Black Kids. Michelle and I Were actually Very Sincere About This ‘Work’ and We Bonded Every Saturday as we rode the Bus To Chicago. We Wanted to do Good Work–Serve The Community–Honourably Represent Our Navy. Continue reading
Had To—Sorry Y’all: I Love Cuba / Cubano / Cuban Women—This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’) edit; yeah, this Is, Errr… Was… Timely When I First Wrote It. Figger it out. And I Do Apologize for The Wonky Formatting: WP is Still Fuckin’ With Me
“Wonton America”
LOL! Continue reading
Up-Dated–I Cannot Wrap My Moron Mind Around How I Managed To Leave Out Some Of The Most Important Vids! “She’s Like The Wind”–“Just A Fool to Believe—“Jennifer Grey, Okay?! I Know She Was a Famed Flaming Bitch to Work With–Precisely Why I Love Her So Marvelous Much! (And Some Other Superfluous Stuff)”
This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Continue reading
Had To Update & Re-Post. I Forgot To Drop In The Navy Hymm. I Am Such A Moron!—Fixed Now. Time For Chow! On Today’s Menu: ‘Hydraulic Sandwiches’ “I Fukkin’ LOVE MY NAVY! I Fukkin’ Love My Military Three Generation Family History! I Fukkin’ Love My Country! I Fukkin’ Love My America!” I am a Patriotic Son-of-A Bitch! Wanna Fight? Bring Your Big Guns–You Shall Need Them!
I feel so honored to have been allowed to serve on two ships in two war zones and given the opportunity to attend SEAL training, even though I did not measure up, at least I showed up.
Twice Continue reading
Kinda / Sorta Related To Some of My Recent Posts / Or Not. Fuck it! I Don’t Care. If You Are Somewhat Astute or at Least Semi-Smart, You May Discover A Similarity Thread In My “Work”: Here’s A Hint: It’s All About Women! Mostly Texas Women. Hahahahahah! “Charley The Cougar”
I Love Felines Continue reading
Please Re-Visit Because It Is Upbeat And Positive- & Fun & Patriotic–And Part of my Naval ‘Histoire’–Dat’s Française, By The Way! Hey!—-Hahahahaha!–“Titty Bars and the YMCA–San Diego”
I would ride the bus to downtown San Dog and hang out in the titty bars. Continue reading
Yeah! I Am Still Drunk Outta My Mind. I LOVE Lauren Bacall! That’s ALL! “Anybody got a Match?”
“Anybody got a match?”
Yeah, I got a match:
Bogie and Bacall. Continue reading
Re-Spam. This Post is Fucked Up–Maybe I’ll Fix I Later–Maybe Not. I’m Drunk! I LOVE My Country So Fukkin’ Much! I Love My American Heritage. “Glen Miller Kicked Some Serious Ass! (Kinda-Sorta Updated–For Our Current ‘Happy Times’–Patriots Enjoy Please)”
I love My Country
Continue reading
Slightly Up-Dated–And Pontificated—Don’t Bother! Throw-Back: She’s Not Here (She Was Too Busy Fucking Her Boyfriend, I Discovered Later–I would’ve Killed Him, But I Could Not Find Him) Yet, Did Not Actually Break My Heart, Her Fucking Around,—I Gave Zero Fucks, In Fact, I Had My Eye On A “She-Marine” But That Was Just A Premonition Which Never Came To Fruition (I Know the ‘Time-Line’ of This Story is Slightly Skewed—But It Is All Truth. I Don’t Write Fiction) I have Lost My Fucking Mind! I Do Not Even Know Who I Am Anymore!
Do Not Read Me
I Am
Crazy! Continue reading
I Fukkin’ LOVE MY NAVY! I Fukkin’ Love My Military Three Generation Family History! I Fukkin’ Love My Country! I Fukkin’ Love My America!
I feel so honored to have been allowed to serve on two ships in two war zones and given the opportunity to attend SEAL training, even though I did not measure up, at least I showed up.
Twice Continue reading
Haha! Rumors of my Premature Death Have Been Greatly Bastardized. “The Letter Said He Was Reported Dead.” That Letter Was Fake News!
“Near the front lines he’d been found A mine blew his jeep into a twisted heap And I still hear the sound Of the wheel that kept spinnin’ ’round.” ***** For some bizarre reason, this song reminds me of my first wife, Janet. I suppose it is because she was in the U.S. Army Reserve … Continue reading
Someone Recently ‘Discovered’ This—So Natch! What Does Lance Do? Re-Spams It! Hahahahahaha! “The Reports Of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.” –Mark Twain (And Now Shamelessly Stolen By Lance Marcom)
Unknown Brain – Dead (ft. KAZHI) Laughing My Fucking Ass Off! This is a True, Recent Story: Not Something From ‘The Archives.’ No Names Have Been Changed To Protect Innocents (Because I Don’t Know Any) ***** It was recently brought to my attention that there is a rumor making the circuit in My Home Town … Continue reading
Please Re-Read. And Comment If You Be Not Too Feeble… I Find This True Story Endearing, And It Makes Me sad / And Happy. I Did Love Her. Much–Still Do–“Random Memories from The Middle East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh” Janet! Damn it! (She Was My Fantasy Girl)
Re-Read this one.
You will laugh.
I swear.
I swear a lot.
I am a fucking sailor.
Wanna sue me?
Good luck with that. Continue reading
Jackson Browne was / is a Misogynist. I Kinda / Sorta Forgave Him (Not really—He is An Asshole–I Do Not Tolerate Abuse of Women–Well-Documented By Me In These Pages) But Also Documented By Me: I Appreciate The Art, Even If The ‘Artist’ Is An Asshole.
But I liked him anyway Or/And His music. I really did like his music. (I could not help it) Cred for Vid Share: Megan Smith ***** Pretending To Be a Real Man: Fuck U Jacs–Off – Browne You Fake-A-Zoid Worthless Mother-Fucker!
Still Fukkin’ Around W/This One Added A Lot of Bullshit—Delete The Other One! Just Like The Other One–“Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Five: “I Have Done The Deed! Sleep No More!” Milady Macbeth” (Fuk Fuk Fuk Fuk FUCK You WordPress! You FUCKED UP MY POST!!!!) I’m Gonna Go Full Kyle Rittenhouse On Your Dumb Ass!!!
Did The Deed
Burned The Bitch Down! Continue reading
For My Missed Sis: Madelyn, My Lady Macbeth: “Look like th’innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t” or “Come you spirits, That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here.”
Screw it! Re-spam it! I love my own post. Well this one anyway,
It needs more love.
Most of Y’all have seen it, but some newbies may have not.
“Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?”
–Lady Macbeth Continue reading
Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Five: “I Have Done The Deed! Sleep No More!” Milady Macbeth
Did The Deed
Burned The Bitch Down! Continue reading
WIP: Work In Continual Die-Gress! I Guess. Hahahaha! “I LOVE MY TEXAS (And Once Agin, Gin and WP Fucked My Edit–I Forgave The Gin, Not The W’d-Press) But I always find a way to out-nerd the nerds. Lance (and life) Always Finds A Way”
I LOVE MY TEXAS Continue reading
I Toned This Title Down A Mite (Ever Tried To Tone Down A Mite?–Exercise in Futility) A Thousand Apologies To Anyone I Offended. I Just MISS My Sister. “Fuck Everything I do Not Give a shit! Read if you have want. Yeah! I am bitter! Madelyn! Godamn Her! She Died On Me! She Was Always So Popular! The Phone Rang Off The Wall! The Call Was Always For her! Never For Me! “Lance is an asshole! Talk to Madelyn—She is Nice”—Bullshit! She was Not Nice To Anyone But Me. In Her Heart. We Knew and Understood “The Game” But We Never Verbalized it; We Did Not Have To”
I miss her so much I cannot write anymore on this right now. I’ll get back to it. My heart is still broken. Some may ponder Wonder Why I Love her so much Here is the reason For All Seasons She Always Stood By Me Through thick and Thin She was My Athena, She shielded … Continue reading
Re-Shit Spam: “Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife” Re-Read it and Weap With Me!
For the life of me, I could not spy a single pool table nor a shuffle board nor even an air hockey table. Certainly no mechanical bull.
Honky-Tonk Travesty! Continue reading
I Miss her So Much. I Fucked Up! “Shonnie: Just Some Last Thoughts & One “Reminisce”–Important ‘Breaking News’ Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over’
Let’s Get This Out of the Way First: “SPOILER ALERT!” Do NOT Read Unless You are Already Familiar With The Story from Reading the Original Series. Skip Ahead to Here: Author’s Note: Some of Y’all Faithful Readers… (That is Not Sarcasm. I sincerely appreciate all Y’all who read me and have ‘Read’ me over the … Continue reading
Pls Re-visit. I Put A Lot of Thoughtful Thought Into Thiss!—-Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific… Yeah, I’m Drunk! This Ain’t ‘Breaking News!” Re-Posted For A Friend: “Rivers Renewed” Links to Wonderful Site Found below
Dateline: 1989 Subic Bay Naval Base / Olongapo City, Philippines 1600hrs
“Knock Off Ship’s Work! Liberty Call! Liberty Call!” reverberated from the 1MC onboard the USS Frederick, LST 1184.
Simultaneously about a hundred sailors went into Fred Flintstone Mode:
“Yabba Dabba Dooo!!” Continue reading
Kinda Up-Dated—i HATE WOrD PreSs!!—“Just What You Want To Be, You’ll Be In The End,”–Fuk It! This Is Embedded, Not Wedded In My Last–Off To The Rodeo–“Put Your Money On The Table And Drive It Off The Lot” Perfection C/W Song! David Allen Coe! Oh No! And Fucked-Up WP Will Not Allow Me To Drop In The Cred For…
This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Continue reading
My Missed Wife–Wanna Attend My Pity-Party? Free Booze!–“Rhonda Chapter (I forget)”
While working as a calibration technician at “Spam” Instruments, One day this broad shows up as a ‘co-worker.’ Let’s call her name ‘Rhonda.
For that was her Christian Name. Continue reading
i HATE WOrD PreSs!!—Fuk It! This Is Embedded, Not Wedded In My Last–Off To The Rodeo–“Put Your Money On The Table And Drive It Off The Lot” Perfection C/W Song! David Allen Coe! Oh No! And Fucked-Up WP Will Allow Me To Drop In The Cred For…
This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Most writers polish, polish, polish, then anguish, anguish, anguish, and then… finally… publish. I subscribe to a slightly different philosophy tenet philosophy: “Just throw it out there and fix it later.” Probably not wise, but what the hell? Continue reading
Another Re-Spam: A Re-Rant. Why am I So Angry of Late?? What is WRONG With Me? Can There Ever Be Anything RIGHT With Me? Other Than My Politics?— “Here Comes a Rant: Stand By For Heavy Rolls As The Shit Comes About”
Had to.
Had to repost.
“Why Lance?”
“Because… Jennifer Grey. Okay?”
“OK. Whatever floats yer boat.” Continue reading
There is So Much More To My Story of Her And What A Wonderful Woman / Wife She Was to Me. I have to Finish This / Her Story– Even if it Harelips The Pope!—Continuing Saga of My Favorite Wife: Rhonda-Jo– I still miss the hell out of her! Damn it! How Could I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?! So FUCKING Stupid.
I still really miss her in my life. I miss my wife. I miss my wife/life. In the entire history of monumental fuck ups that is my life, this will always reign supreme: I cast her away. And ‘regret’ does not even come close as a word. Continue reading
And! Once Again, Thanks to Word-Depressed! I Cannot Properly Edit this One! F*ck You WP! I Just Wanted to Add Credit to Alanis Morissette “Please Try this One. It’s F*ckin’ Funny! Input/Output: Electricity! (With Apologies to Joni Mitchell)” This Post is all F*cked Up. Thank YOU & Go To F*ck You WP!
The below is a comment I made over at Aussa’s Blog (a blog I can never say enough good things about), in response to one of her hilarious posts: Ridiculous On The Job Injuries Continue reading
I’m So Sorry – Not Sorry Kids, But I Cannot Leave This Alone. It Wounded Me & Hurt My Cold, Cold Heart. Cut Me To The Quick. This Was Meant To Be A Tongue – in- Cheek Fun Post, But Some Asshole Took Offense Becuz I Used The ‘C’ Word–It Was Directed At ME! No One Else But Me! ME FOR FUCK SAKE! If You Be Too Stupid To Understand That Go Find Some Cute Kitten Vids To Explore & Enjoy! Jeeze Louise! Rent a Sense of Humor! “Just a Quick One For Fun (Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)”
Food Makes Me Sick
Cunt Cunt Cunt Cunt Continue reading
Updated! Added Polonius & Iago—Time! And Honesty. And Being Truthful to My Readers, because These are the most Important Things to Me: Honesty & Sincerity and Keepin’ it Real. And Trying Real Hard to Not Waste Your Time.
I am working on a new project about Bob Fosse, and lots of others and of course it is all about MOVIES—GOOD MOVIES–NOT Shit movies.
Meantime…. I just drop this in.
I do not even know why.
Oh! Wait! I know why. I am fucking lazy and stalling work on my new project.
At least I’m honest about it. I never blow smoke. Nor sugar-coat. Continue reading
Awright: Here (Hopefully) Is The ‘De-Scrw’d Version’–Why Is My Life So Difficult? “Sometimes There Just Aren’t Enuff Crud Eaters” Redux–Major Expanded–New & Improved! The Text is WAY Too Big, But I dare Not Try To Fix That. WP Has It In For Me! You See.
I greeted my first customer, a fortyish lady with big hair and perhaps a little too much make-up, “Good morning Ma’am and welcome to Aquarium World. How may I help you?”
“I need a crud-eater for my tank.” Continue reading
Please Try this One. It’s Fuckin’ Funny! Input/Output: Electricity! (With Apologies to Joni Mitchell)
The below is a comment I made over at Aussa’s Blog (a blog I can never say enough good things about), in response to one of her hilarious posts: Ridiculous On The Job Injuries Continue reading
I Somehow Managed to Fuk Up The Last Re-Post of This Post–Please Forgive Me And Read This One. Thank You In Advance. “Sometimes There Just Aren’t Enuff Crud Eaters (A Rewite)” And Goddamn You WordPress! Why Cannot I do a ‘Simple’ Edit?! I have Not The Time Nor Desire to Re-Write This Entire Post From Scratch!
Adventures From The Movie
Deliverance Continue reading
Updated! Expanded! Someone ‘Liked’ This Moldy Old Post, So… Natch… ReSpam!.. “B&B No! Not Just For Bed & Breakfast Anymore!” Yes. I am a MORON! Yuk Yuk Yuk! Hardy Har Har!
Fun Fact: When I was ‘Marred’ to Lisa-The-Shakespeare Prof, MTV ran what they Dubbed ‘A Moron-a-Thon’ Continue reading
I love This Woman! Laura Ingraham: She Always Nails IT. (More Clown World!)
Have We Lost Our Minds?
Or Is There Hope For America?
I Am The Eternal Cock-Eyed Optimist
So Let’s Sailor On! Continue reading
This Was Meant To Be A Tongue – in- Cheek Fun Post, But Some Asshole Took Offense Becuz I Used The ‘C’ Word–It Was Directed At ME! No One Else But Me! ME FOR FUCK SAKE! If You Be Too Stupid To Understand That Go Find Some Cute Kitten Vids To Explore & Enjoy! Jeeze Louise! Rent a Sense of Humor! “Just a Quick One For Fun (Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)”
Food Makes Me Sick Continue reading
Updated! C’On Y’all! This Was a Fun Post! & There Are Some Great Clips! & And My Honest Honesty Should Be Refreshing! — You Won’t Find That Everyday! Give it Some Luv! Alcohol Is A Cruel Mistress. She Gives And She Takes—Mostly Takes
Most diseases have some chance for a cure.
There is NO Cure for Alcoholism. Continue reading
Acquit Kyle!
The Lame-Stream Media is Trying to Railroad / Crucify The Kid for Exercising The Integral Right of Every Person in Our America: Self-Defense! Continue reading
Just a Quick One For Fun (Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)
Food Makes Me Sick Continue reading
Still On My ‘Faith’ & Southern Women Kick–The Two Are The Same–Only A Southerner Will Understand, “My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen”
Yes! Continue reading
This Needs to Be Re-Posted / Re-Stated / Re-Iterated, Just To Clari-Cate The ‘Ere’ And To Make Something Perfectly ‘Clair’: “Faith”
Against the good advice from one of my most loyal and sincere readers, I am gonna repost just one more…. for clarity. But never brevity. Continue reading
I Will NEVER Allow HIS Memory to Die! Not as long as Breath Still Resides in my Body. I loved him so much! And More and More As the Years and Tears and Beers Fly By. “My Friend Jimmy”
I miss him Marv Much Continue reading
This is WAY Beyond STUPID! HAHAHAHAHA! Armadillos Should Not Golf–ReDux’d & Re-Writ
“Golf is a Gentleman’s and Lady’s game.” I looked around at my eleven-odd fellow PE classmates sitting Indian-style in a semi-circle in front of Coach. It was late spring in Winnsboro, Texas. I was twelve. Poking my buddy (a lanky, slow-drawling ugly, slightly buck-toothed dirty-blond towhead of a boy named ‘Gary’) in the ribs with … Continue reading
(Updated Old Post–Added Some Bull-Shite) All Texan Lives Matter. I Have, Of Late, Lost All My Mirth and Have Become A Lonely, Sent… uh… Mental Old Fool. Some One Please Come And Put Me Down! “California on my Mind But Texas Always In My Heart” (And Word-Dee-Pressed is Still FUCKED UP! I Cannot Properly EDIT This Post!)
GTT More Texas Less California Loved it. Hated it. Few decades ago I could truthfully say, “Hey! I’ve spent half my life in California.” Continue reading
Fuk it! Re-Visit This! “English! Or Nor Wee-Gin. You Choose. Or A Charming Darling” I am attempting to Re-Watch This Show / Series, But I Keep Pausing the Vid Every Time Katheryn Winnick is on the Screen. I have a Problem / Obsession. Obviously.
Something is broken in my mindl
Vice is nice.
Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker
A Charming Darling Continue reading
Wake The Fuck Up America! (Or Get Woke & Go Broke!)
Wake up! Wake Up! Wake Up! Up Yer WAKE! Continue reading
TRIGGER WARNING! This Post is Obnoxious & Insulting, But It Accurately Depicts My Mood At The Time I Wrote it. I NEVER Lie to Y’all. –Updated! Had to Add Some Linda at The End–Cannot Believe I Forgot! This Post is all Fucked UP. Guess What? I No Longer Dare to CArE! Don’t GIvE A sHiT! fUcK IT! “Hearts are like AssHoles; eVer’one gOts one!”
Do NOT READ THIS
It is Depressing
Lo siento mi vida Continue reading
Zero Six Hundred Hours: Sailor Lance is Slightly Drunk, But Alive & Awake & And Aware. Yet Not Quite There. Didn’t Care. Not Fit For Duty. My Bad. I will Suffer… The Consequences… Laters
What to Do With A Drunk Sailor?
Take Him for a Spin
About Town Continue reading
Re-Run Retard Alert! (Embedded in My Last–The One b4 This One) “Still In Vegas And Rememberance Mode! And Here, Find Here: A Final Throw-Back: “Lost Wages” I need a Sabbatical”
Since I have decided to give my disease another go at me, I thought this appropriate. Continue reading
His Honor, Schroeder, Presiding Over Kyle Rittenhouse Trial: “Judge Dredd!” Yeah! Dread to Lame-Ass Prosecutor
This Judge is Awesome!
JUDGE DREDDED SCHROEDER
Continue reading
This Would Love Another Look. (If You’re A Film Buff) “The Rise and Fall Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise. CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS—In More Ways Than One”
And This Post Is Mainly Directed
At
Film Buffs In General
And
‘Alien’ Fans In Particular. Continue reading
Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Chapter Three: Highway Patrol Encounter on My Way To The Scene of the Crime
Next day, Fourth of July, I borrowed Madelyn’s little ‘Chariot’. (My ‘Labomba’ was broken down as usual.) Continue reading
Make It Stop! Make it Stop! MAKE IT STOP!! Jesus Christ on-a-cracker! “This is a Rant. Please Do NOT Read. It is Only For me: Venting. Spewing. Pontificating. Bitching, Moaning, & Complaining.”
FUCK CABLE NEWS! Continue reading
Needs Mo’ Love! Please! “Lance, You Lie Redux, Or “Dark-Eyed Ragin’ Cajun Woman” This is a long series. Anyone who slogs thru it gets a free Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener–Color of your choice. Free shipping. (Links to the chapters are in the bodies of the bodies…)”
For Louisiana
This post needs more affection Continue reading
Yes! I am Stupid Getting Back In-Touch With My Inner-Alcoholic. I’d Like to Share This Stagger Down Memory Lane: Still “Madelyn Related”— “How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment” Oh, and PS, Fuck You WordPress!
“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake” Continue reading
Richard & His Lame-Ass Jeans Store Chapter Les Deux (My Love–My Sister–My Madelyn)
Bonham Texas
Fuck Bonham Texas
Ugliest Town in
TEXAS Continue reading
PLEASE! READERS! TELL ME IF THE VIDS HAVE NO VOLUMN! I NEED TO KNOW IF THERE IS A PROBLEM B4 I CALL WP! I HATE CALLING WP! Let me put it like this: I’d prefer rectal cancer over having to talk to WordPress Customer Service
This is important Continue reading
More Madelyn: I will Never Recover From My Loss of Her. “Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)”
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo)
Found ourselves standing before Daddy.
In His Study. Continue reading
Have A Happy Thanks-Giving With Your Family. As I spend Mine All Alone. “One More Madelyn Reminisce: Thanksgiving Seventy-Four or So…”
Once, during a Thanksgiving, we were all seated about the solid oak table (sat 14) in the ‘Great Hall’ of Marcom Manor Continue reading
Fuk it! I still MISS HER SO MUCH! So MARVELOUS Much! Goddamnit! Madelyn! Why did you Leave Me?! “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” I want My Sister Back! Fuck You God!
I still miss her. “Maria” (And some guy) Madelyn & Me! Me & Madelyn! On-The-Stage! Stars! She & Me! Me & She! We had to share The Spotlight, but “The Play” Was always about HER Not Me As it should be. ******* She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’ “Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa … Continue reading
This is a Work of FICTION! Because I Do Not Know if There is a Statute of Limitations on Arson. Not Any Word of this Story is True. It is ALL FICTION. That Said, This is Another Madelyn & Lance Tale (Fictional!)
Back in the mid – Seventies, Madelyn worked at a joint in Bonham, Texas: ‘Richard’s Jeans’. Continue reading
SOUND CHECK! *Taps MIC* “Is this Thing On?”
Hello?
Can you hear me now? Continue reading
More Comedy. Can NEVER Have Enuff Comedy! It Sustains & Maintains Our Fragile Sanity. “Daily Lenny: Lenny Bruce Comes Clean, Plus a Bonus: Sarah & Matt”
COMEDY!
IS WHY I GET UP
AND OUT OF BED Continue reading
MUST, SIMPLY MUST RE-POST Becuz I Love The Man! He Has Given Me Too Many Laugh Out Loud Moments! “Braum’s Vern. Braum’s. Know what I mean?”
A SHAKAKESPEAN TRAINED ACTOR.
READ IT HERE
BELIEVE IT
OR
NOT! Continue reading
WARNING! UPDATE: This Post is All Over The Place!—I am Re-Posting This Becuz I am Vain. And Stupid. And Drunk in Texas. And the Only Good and True Woman I ever Had (HS Sweet-heart) Only Emails Me Once Per Year — On My Fukkin’ b’Day. That’s it!–ONLY ON MY B’DAY! And PPL Ponder why I have lost MY MIND!! “Gone With The Bear” – As My Third Wife Referred To it. “Just Hold On And Suck In.” –Mammy– My Girl LOVED GWTW! BOOK, Hook, Crook, Line & Sinker!–MOVIE—ALL OF IT! Chapter and Verse!
Yeah!
I”m DRUNK!
ALERT THE MEDIA!
CALL CNN!
BREAKING NEWS! Continue reading
Even MORE Clown World–See-Quill–Part DUH. WIP! I’ll Edit This LATER! (And Most Likely ADD To It)
We Are/May Be FUCKED As a Society Continue reading
I NEVER Mean to Offend. But I Have Reached That Age / Stage In Life Whereby I Don’t Give A Shit. If You ARE Offended By Anything I Write, That is YOUR Problem. Not MINE
Never Mean to OFFEND,
But IF I Do…
Offend YOU,
Not MY Problem!
That’s ALL On YOU! Continue reading
Just Something I am Working On In Remembrance of My Lost Sister and My Love For Her: A ‘Brother’s’ Love–A ‘Sister’s’ Love. A ‘Lover’s’ Lost Love.
I was much more to her than Laertes.
I was her Hamlet.
She was my Ophlia Continue reading
No Phone, No Pool, No Pets. Ain’t Had No Internet. (For THREE DAYS!)
King of The Internet Continue reading
This Mother-Fukker Needs to Go DOWN! Then Downtown. Then UNDER THE GROUND! Six Feet DOWN! Where He Can Become Worm’s Meat!
This is BEYOND THE PALE! MAKES ME SO ANGRY! MUST WATCH: Start at 16:00 Cred: StevenCrowderStevenCrowder Where Have All The Cowboys Gone?! When did Chivalry die? No One Did a Thing to Come to This Woman’s Defence! The son-of-a-bitch should have been hurled off the train! (subway train) And preferably while it was moving at … Continue reading
This Post Requires Mo’ Luv: It is All About Alchohol-hisem’es “Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!”
My childhood was kinda messed up. Continue reading
Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?”
My Dream Girl.
Everything about her fascinates me. Continue reading
OKAY! LAST ONE! Then I will MOVE ON! To Something NOT So Depressing! “Pap, Huck, Peanut, Delirium tremens, and Lance”
I post a lot of shit. I post a lot of off the wall shit. Continue reading
JUST One More on My Adventures With Alcohol: “Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’” “In My Dreams I Don’t Die.”
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? Continue reading
This May Be The Previously Promised ‘Chapter Three’, But, Honestly, I Cannot Recall. My Mind Has Left My Mind For Warmer Climes: “HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back” (I LOVE Laughin’ at LANCE! HE IS AN IDIOT!)
We be rimshot reminisce an’ shit. Continue reading
Since I Seem To Be On The Subject: Another Re-Run For Those Who May Have Missed It First Time Around: “Lions and Tigers and Drunks, Oh My!” (And of Course I CANNOT EDIT THIS AS I WANT BECUZ WP IS FUkK’ING STUPID!)
I’d like to teach Y’all something about alcoholics.
We are not stupid Drunks. Continue reading
Must Re-Post. Sorry Kiddoes! Delirium Tremens Man Showed. And This Time He Wasn’t Playin’
Since DT Man and I are about to get ‘re-acquainted’
Thot I’d re-post this Continue reading
Alcohol Is A Cruel Mistress. She Gives And She Takes—Mostly Takes
Most diseases have some chance for a cure.
There is NO Cure for Alcoholism. Continue reading
UPDATED! MORE VIDS “AMERICA HAS LOST ITS FUKKING MIND! WE ARE LIVING IN CLOWN WORLD! (Yes! This Post May Be Disturbing to Some Casual Readers, But Those of YOU Who KNOW Me, Know That I am INSANE!) Other than THAT, I’m a real SWELL Guy. May I take Your Daughter to The Prom? I’ll have Her Home By Dawn!”
SEND IN THE CLOWNS
SEND IN ALL THE CLOWNS!!!!
WHY NOT?! Continue reading
I Got A Love Call From Sprint Today! (This IS A HAPPY UPBEAT POST. PLEASE ENJOY!)
They are sending me a brand-new four-hundred dollar telephone! Absolutely for FREE! Because they LOVE ME! (All I have to do is activate it within two weeks of delivery–I think I can manage that!) And I love My Life! Ain’t LIFE Grand?!!! My Life is a Cabaret! Je suis enchanté!
UPDATED! Added More Fred & Ginger Spice! What a Dame! “I Just Did An Incredibly STUPID Thing!”
I need to be taken out and shot in the head.
TWICE! Continue reading
I Just Did An Incredibly STUPID Thing!
I need to be taken out and shot in the head.
TWICE! Continue reading
UPDATED! “AMERICA HAS LOST ITS FUKKING MIND! WE ARE LIVING IN CLOWN WORLD! (Yes! This Post May Be Disturbing to Some Casual Readers, But Those of YOU Who KNOW Me, Know That I am INSANE!) Other than THAT, I’m a real SWELL Guy. May I take Your Daughter to The Prom? I’ll have Her Home B4 Midnight!”
SEND IN THE CLOWNS Continue reading
Shit! I Posted The WRONG ONE! Read This One. It has the Ending. “Throwback Thursday: Shark Fishing” Screw it! And at the risk of becoming repetitive, I say again: This is a true story–Ever’ word.
“Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure. Consider also the devilish brilliance and beauty of many of its most remorseless tribes, as the dainty embellished shape of many species of sharks. Consider, once more, the universal cannibalism of the sea; all whose creatures prey upon each other, carrying on eternal war since the world began.” Continue reading
Last Peanut Rerun & Then I’m Done!—“Not Like Going Down The Pond Chasing Blue Gills Or Tommy Cats”–Quint
No More Peanut Stories.
Making Me
Melancholy!
When I Want
To be
Jolly
And Happy! Continue reading
Another VERY LONG PEANUT TALE….”This Never Got Any Play: The Snapping Turtles Part Probably Killed It…” And by the way, this is a true story. I don’t write fiction. No good at it and no need for it.
“We’re goin’ camping out to The Lake,” Peanut announced. “You gonna come, or what?” Continue reading
Yeah! ANOTHER REVISIT! Somewhat Up-Dated! “Flame WARS! The Battle is Joined!” (BE-CUZ I’M AN AZZ-HO!)
(Ed. Note: This Post is All Borked/Fucked Up. WP is STUPID! I’ll TRY to FIX it LATER) Maybe… Maybe Not… I truly do have better things to do Believe it Or Not! “WE ARE CONFIDENT IN THE VICTORY OF GOOD OVER EVIL.” –Uncle Bob **** I didn’t Start the Fire. I just poured gasoline on … Continue reading
I Still Miss Him So Much!: “Peanut and Bowfishin'” (I need to Sleep Enuff to Get Un-Drunk So That I Can Get Re-Drunk)
OK. Throwback. I love this post (not because I wrote it, but because I love the man who inspired it) It is real long and that is probably why not many read it. I post it here again (and yes, it is still real long) Please dive into it (when you have the time) Thank … Continue reading
Screw it! I am Gonna Repost This! Simply Because I ADORE THIS WOMAN! “Agnetha! Please!” (Added Some Bullshit!)
Take a Chance on Me! I will worship You! Every Day! You will be my QUEEN! My Dancing One! **** This Vid NEVER Grows Old for Me. (And I am an ‘Old Fuck!’) Can’t take my eyes off of you… Agnetha! “You’re just too good to be true!” Had to ‘add’ this. Why? Because this … Continue reading
I am Having Too Many Rimen-Misses! “Being The Sad Story and Lamentable Fate of the Good and Gracious Mister Peabody: A Turkey”
Mrs. Benbow had a pet Tom Turkey, named ‘Mr. Peabody.’ This bird hated little boys. And he was passionate about it. Continue reading
Updated! Some Cali-Bashing! “ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Cass, and Lance”
l am really missing my sister.
It hurts.
It really hurts.
Her Untimely death
Really FUCKED Me
UP!
But this should not be
ABOUT ME!
It should only be about my Madelyn
I loved her so much! But I don’t think I ever fucking told her!
“Pity-Party much Lance?”
“Fuck Off!” Said Lance Continue reading
I Have Not Eaten Solid Food In Three Or Four Or Five Days (Kinda Been on A “Liquid Diet”) Any Way…
I asked My Love… My Cynthia, if she could find me some butter, as I had this old potato I wanted to nuke, but a baked potato sans butter is a sin against God. She said she’d see what she could do. Ten mins later there was a knock upon my door. A very pleasant … Continue reading
OK! I Am Stupid! Added One More Vid! “At The Hop!” Must Repost! Found a Great Vid(s)! Dropped them in at the End It’s My Pity-Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To! “Where Were You in Sixty-Two?” (I was Five! In Fremont Cali) Actually, I think I was in Moriarty, NM, or Kansas City. All Places I grew up. Did time In–My Memory is Starting to Fail Me
Lance is Stupid! Continue reading
I would Give All of ME! To HER! fOR jUST oNE Night! “Is This Love Erin? Yep. From Where I Sit It Certainly Is” (UPDATED WITH VIDS)
And She is Scottish! (And Y’all Know I love Scottish Women) Continue reading
Must Repost! Found a Great Vid(s)! Dropped them in at the End It’s My Pity-Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To! “Where Were You in Sixty-Two?” (I was Five! In Fremont Cali) Actually, I think I was in Moriarty, NM, or Kansas City. All Places I grew up. Did time In–My Memory is Starting to Fail Me
Cred: The Ed Sullivan Show **** Bonus added value! This Movie is Perfection! Fremont!
Yeah! I’m Still Shit-Postin’! Go Somewhere Else! Ignore Me! “Babes, Info (Info-Babes)”
(“Babes, Info: Plural. Colloquial.”)—Lance Webster ******** I am not a fan of Babe Ruth (Or of His Candy Bar) I am not a Fan of ‘Babes-In-Toy-Land’ I am not a Fan of Fukked – Up Word-Depressed ‘Customer-Service’ Babes I am not a fan of ‘Babe The Pig‘ I am not a fan of Babe Actresses … Continue reading
tHIS oNE Too! “My Writing, Self-Delusional Façade”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Continue reading
Some Folks ‘Liked’ This, So I Havta Re-Post it: “On Writing. On Thinking. On Drinking.” HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!
I Throw Excuses at Me for Not Writing: ‘Too Early’‘Too Late’‘Too Hot’‘Too Cold’‘Too wet’‘Too Dry’‘Too Sober’ ‘Too Drunk’ ‘Oh Wait!—There’s ‘Breaking News on CNN!’ (I am far too Easily Distracted!) Eventually, I empty out my ‘Excuses-Bag-of-Tricks’ Then I Park My Ass On The ‘Writing Chair’ And I Begin trying to write. (I have SO Much … Continue reading
C’Mon Y’all! Show Some LOVE! Shit Post # 9: Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE
Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’ Fuck it! But it is a light-hearted Shit Post Continue reading
It’s My Pity-Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To!
Cred: The Ed Sullivan Show
I Have Lost My Fudking Mind! (I cannot even speil “Fukking–This Makes Me Laugh So Fuc8888infk—Hard—Y’all Cannot Even Be-Gin To Comprehend!) Computers Piss Me Off! (This Post is a Fucking Mess! I’ll Fix it Once I stop Bleeding to Death!)
I got a new power supply, But The Ded One Refuses To Give up The Ghost! I cannot get All The shit I had plugged into it unplugged! I Am even Bleedin’ Over This Bullshite Why is My Life So Fuckin’ Difficult? It should be a Simple Thing To Replace A Fuckin’ Comp Power Supply! … Continue reading
This Repost is For An Almost Friend. She Knows Who She is And Since She is NOT Stupid, SHE Will GET The Joke! And Someday Regret The LOSS of a MAN Who Tried to Adore her, even from afar! And She ain’t even pretty! But she intriqued Me! I will take intrigue over preety eight days of the week! Great Songs for a Rainy Day (Goddamn Fucking Dammmnit! I MISS Madelyn!!!!! we Both loved Joni! Almost equally, but it really wasn’t a competition!—Fuk Her! I was suppossosed to die FIrST! Then I would not have to SUFFER!)—mADDY! yOU Bitch! You skinny cunt! You had NO Right to die and leave me!!!!) Fuk Life and death and fuk me for falling in love with so many bitches I could never be in the same room with for more than five minutes! Unless it was in a bedroom or in the backseat of my car. In those rare cases I could stretch the time to six minutes!
BACKSEAT OF MY CAR (This is Some of Paul’s Best Work—So Many Memories of Memories I Cherish of Listening to This Fuckking Album With Mostly Now Dead Lost Friends—I am Gonna Go Cry Now For A While—BRB!) “Here in Savannah Memphis it’s pourin’ rain “Palm trees in the porch light like slick black cellophane. “Will … Continue reading
fUCKIN’ uPDATED! Trigger Warning WP is So fucked UP I accidentally posted the same link 2 times. Can I delete the duplicate? Oh FUCK No! Not in WP World! Oh fuck NO! NOT ALLOWED. NEED A FUCKIN’ LETTER FROM THE FUKKING POPE!!!
Y’all know I was in the Navy I was Ship’s Armorer on Two Ships And a Range Master. Continue reading
I AM RE-POSTING THIS BECAUSE IT IS REALLY OBNOXIOUS AND “GLASSIC”–SARCASTIC “FUKKIN’ LANCE! HAVE A NICE DAY! OH YEAH! I FUKKIN’ ADDED SOME SHIT! Shit! WP is STUPID! I Just Wanted to RePost A Post! But Fuk No! WP Needs a Fukkin’ Parental Permission Slip! Why Does “Workin'” With WordPress Make Me Feel Like Michelangelo, On His Back, Probably Regularilly gettin’ FUKKED IN HIS AZZ! While Just Tryin’ To Paint The Fukkin’ Sistine Chapel??? WHY? OH Why?? Fuk YOU WP! (yEaH! ThiS iS A FUCKiN’ RANT! gO away From Me!) AND TAKE YER FUKKING TEA AND SIM- PHONY BULLSHIT WITH YOU! Yes! I am that ASSHOLE Your Parents WARNED You About! AND WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EMAIL ME A FUCKKIN’ PHILIPPIPS AND A FLIP-INO TO OPERATE IT! SCREW-DRIVER SO THAT I MAY REPAIR MY BIG, FOR REALS COMPUTER? THIS LAP-TOP PISSES ME OFF!
Now I’m gonna Lay Me Down to Sleep Forever (and Three Days) Oh Happy Fukkin’ Dagger! And Just Because I Have a Sense of HUMOR: OH MY Gawd! JULIE! JULIE Julie! How Do I LoveThee? I CANNOT COUNT THE WAYS! All The Ways That I Love YOU! You Girl! ARE Fukkin’ Brilliant!!!! A Fukkin’ TREASURE! … Continue reading
Shit! WP is STUPID! I Just Wanted to RePost A Post! But Fuk No! WP Needs a Fukkin’ Parental Permission Slip! Why Does “Workin'” With WordPress Make Me Feel Like Michelangelo, On His Back, Probably Regularilly gettin’ FUKKED IN HIS AZZ! While Just Tryin’ To Paint The Fukkin’ Sistine Chapel??? WHY? OH Why?? Fuk YOU WP! (yEaH! ThiS iS A FUCKiN’ RANT! gO away From Me!) AND TAKE YER FUKKING TEA AND SIM- PHONY BULLSHIT WITH YOU!
NO. It’s AWFUL “My Momma Loved Me But She died” I LOVE THIS MAN! “THE CHURCH OF FUCK YOU!” And While I’m at it: FUCK YOU TOO FACEBOOK! YAHOO!!!!
AMERICANS ARE THE DUMBEST FUCKING STUPIDEST PEOPLE ON EARTH! AND THIS PAINS ME TO ADMIT BECAUSE Y’ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY COUNTRY! AND Y’ALL KNOW WHAT A PATRIOT I AM!
I’LL EXPAND ON THIS RIGHT AFTER I GET DONE THROWING MY TELEVISON AND CNN THROUGH MY FUKKIN’ WINDOW THE HOLE IS ALREADY THERE! NO LARGE DEAL! “Barely an Inconvience” (Yeah I stole that line too!) That’s What Puts The “Social” In “Social Media!” https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2iUwfYi_1FCGGqhOUNx-iA
Fuk Yu WordPress! Why Cannot You Make ShiT That Works? I Pay Four-Hunnnerd Per Year for This Shit? Fuckin’ Top-‘Tear’ Fuckin’ WP??? ALL THE GD BELLS AND WHISTLES???? You DUMB-ASS Mother-Fuckin’ Cock-suckers Make Me Wanna Spit—In Yer Face! Really! No bullshit! Try Me! I swear to God! Y’all Could Fuck Up A Wet Dream! “My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen” & Johnny Cash
Hey WordPress! Got a telegram for YOU! An’ Ya Know Whut WP? As Ron White Famouslously Sez: “You Caint Fix STUPID!” Cred: Ron White (Duh!) Author’s Note: Y’all wanna know why I am still up-in-Worpress’s Ass? Be-Fuckin’ Cause EVER’TIME I try to Upload, Download, Sideways Load, Up-Side-down-load Any Kind of LOAD WP Gives Me ATTITUDE! … Continue reading
Slightly Updated. (Added One More Vid–Doris Day–OK!) Please Revisit!
In Need indeed, needs more love. Continue reading
MUST RE-POST. HOW I ROLL!!~Out On Some Limb… Clinging to a Branch-True Texan Style
Time. Time to git over it all.
20 Years of …
Never
Ever
Forget.
But, forgive them Chicks.
Those were heady times, chock full of emotion.
UPDATED! FREEDOM OF SPEECH! ADDED LOTS OF CHICKS! This Post is a Little Wonky BeCuz… Guess What? Fu*cK’d-UP WordPress! I DID try! Re-DAS-Boot “And Lenny (and Christopher) Lives (again) Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid (sic)” I did Manage to Add Some NEW Shit to this One Though WP was Kickin’ and Screamin’!
Lenny & Hitch Continue reading
fUCKIN’ uPDATED! Trigger Warning
Y’all know I was in the Navy I was Ship’s Armorer on Two Ships And a Range Master. Continue reading
I am only re-posting this because I am DRUNK! “Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?
Tennis anyone?
No?
Go fuck yerself then.
I never liked you anyhow. Continue reading
This Post is a Little Wonky BeCuz… Guess What? Fu*cK’d-UP WordPress! I DID try! Re-DAS-Boot “And Lenny (and Christopher) Lives (again) Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid (sic)” I did Manage to Add Some NEW Shit to this One Though WP was Kickin’ and Screamin’!
Lenny & Hitch Continue reading
Step-Back Saturday! A Re-Post! “Zen and the Art of Commentary Maintenance”
Likes and Loves and Laughing Faces
Thumbs up Thumbs up
We’re off to the races! Continue reading
Fuk Me to Beers! The Best Peeps I Met, I Met In Re-HaBab Whatever! None of Us Could spel for shit! Poem For “Ethel”–Fake Name–UBH: Interlude
Or…. Why is the rum gone? Black Hair Black Eyes Bright Smile Great Thighs Wily Words From Her Mouth Gave No Pause Left No Doubt Words Delivered With Such Charm Better Watch Out You’ll Be Disarmed Your Walls Came Crashing Down Your Weapons On The Ground She Was Standing There (Laughing At My … Continue reading
“Take That MaryPoppins UMbrella and Shove it UP ure Ass!” My Gawd! How Much How I MISS HER! UBH Post Continuation Teaser
i MISS HER RAPIER WIT!
i WAS iNSTANT IN FUKKKIN LOVE WITH HER! Continue reading
Endeavor to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive! Hey Lib-Tards! Oh! I’m So Fukkin’ Sorry For Lovin’ And Servin’ The Country I Love So Fuckin; Much! Why The Fuck Do You Think I Enlisted in The US Fuckin’ Navy? Sure! Some of it was My Ego! I Thought I Could Become a Fuckin’ NAVY FUCKIN’ SEAL Guess What? That did Not Work Out For Me! Fuckin’ Twice! Did I blame Anyone But Me? Of Course Not! (Wow! there’s too mucho mas profanity in this post! But! I am fuckin’ Sailor! Ignore or block me!)
This Post is a WIP
Rest
Assurred
This Asshole
Has not Yet begun
To Fight!
I Shall Re-Turn
For
Now
It is
Yer
Turn
Continue reading
Either I’M too drunk to bE drunk or too fi==ukkkin’g Stupid to bE Stupid, oR WP is STUPID! i AM GONNA GO W/OPTION “c” UP-PUP_Fuckin’ Dated! Profane Profanity! (With Special Guest Star Cordelia) I am So Far Away From “Give-a-Shit-Land” that even If I had Unlimited Access to the Hubble: It would Make as ’bout as Much and Concern to Me as a Cup of Warm Copenhagen Spit! I’d Just FLUSH IT Along with all the Other sUPER-dUPPER superfulious callifragile —-you know rhe resa=a=song—if you have a fucking brain! I am removin’ from MY Knife (and MY LIFe)! WP Brings OUT The Worst Liver WurtZ Parts of Me! I am trying to Be KIND! But WP is turning this into a fukkkin STRUGGLE! I MAY AS WELL BE BACK IN IRAQ! LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER THEN! WP is Pissin’ Me The FUK OFF! hAVE I failed to MENTION TODAY How MUCH I HATE WP??????
I use a lot.
A lot of Profanity
What can I say?
I am a Texan / Sailor
Or a Sailor / Texan.
‘Tis my nature.
Never mean to offend. Continue reading
UP-PUP_Fuckin’ Dated! Profane Profanity! (With Special Guest Star Cordelia) I am So Far Away From “Give-a-shit Land” that even If I had Unlimited Access to the Hubble: It would Make as ’bout as Much and Concern to Me as a Cup of Warm Copenhagen Spit! I’d Just FLUSH IT Along with all the Other sUPER-dUPPER superfulious callifragile —-you know rhe resa=a=song—if you have a fucking brain! I am removin’ from MY Knife (and MY LIFe)!
I use a lot.
A lot of Profanity
What can I say?
I am a Texan / Sailor
Or a Sailor / Texan.
‘Tis my nature.
Never mean to offend. Continue reading
I am so sick of Lance! Je sweee malad aNS DESOLAAID, BUT nEVER CAN GET FUCKIN’ LAID! & FUCKIN’ FATIG yEAH!’D=odd dam (Dat’s French! Y’all! I am so fukkin’ sick of LANCE! sOMEONE SHOOT this FUCKER! rIGHT bETEEN THE FUK EYES! IN THE FUKKIN G EYEE! so Pissed off at that God! You know the one! THAT ONE WHO NEVER EXISTED! HE SOLD ME A BILL GOODS! hIS ASS was writing writing was writing Checks He Was Never Gonna CASh! What as ASS! hOLE! What’s It All About? THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT! It is Insulting, Disrespectful, And It WILL PISS YOU OFF! wILL sEVeREallLY PISS YOU ofF! I really wante to FUCKING BELIEVE! BUT I LEAR’ND TO READ! MY HUGE FUKKIN’ MONU-MENTAL FUCK-UP!!!!! Fuk this! My mental mind is BLOWN!!! AWAY! (i may be havin’ some “issues”)—insannity ones! And I cannot spel nor typy fer caca!
DO NOT READ THIS! IT WILL PISS YOU OFF! Continue reading
YES! THIS IS A RANT! pLEASE! PLEASE! dO NOT READ, UNLESS YOU WANNA BE DIS-PLEASED! THEN, BY ALL MEANS, BE MY MOTHER-FUCKIN’ GUEST! BUT WATCH YER STEP! THIS SLOPE IS SKIPPERY & SLIPPY-ERY!!! motherFUCK YOU WordPress! I am Cryin’ Over Madelyn. wanted to think about her some more! add some shit to a recent post! But Oh No! Caint bE havin’ that FUCK YOU WP! THERE IS AWWAZE A FUK-U WORK-AROUND! WHO THE FUK YOU THINK U BE FUKKIN’ WID?! HUH???!!! IDIOTs! MORONS! “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” FUK YOU WP! IF YOU DID NOT HOLD ALL MY SHIT HOSTAGE I WOULD FUCKING JUST FUJJING KILL YOU AND THEN SPIT ON YER GRAVE!!!!!!!!!!!! AND LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! AS I MADE MY WAY TO AN IRISH PUB TO NOT DRINK A TOAST TO YU! FUCK YOU! YOU ASH=HOLES! HOPE YOU TURN TO ASH ‘FORE I DO! I WON’T GIVE A SINGLE SHIT! ‘THRUST’ ME! (BUT YOU’RE TOO FUKKIN’ STUPID TO REALIZE TH’ JOKE IS ON YOU!!!!!!!! YU MORONS! GO AHEAD! TRY ME! I ALMOST GRA-D-E-ATED FROM ‘TRAINED, LICENZE TO KILL MORON SCREW=YOU SCHOOL! FUKKIN’ TIMES TWO. I HAVE SEEN IT ALL! DO NOT PISS ME OFF ONCE MORE! TRUST ME! I’M FUKKING NUTS! HEY! HEY! NSA! BRING IT! I AM ‘BOUT TO B’COME A DOMESTCATED TERROR MOTHER-FUCKER!–IST! JUST-IST! YEAH! FUCKIN’ JUSTICE! GO AHEAD! PUSH THE RED BUTTON! SEE WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS! YOU MAY NOT LIKE IT, BUT WHO KNOWS? YOUR MILEAGE AND BLOOD SPILLAGE… MAY TARRY OR VARY! ASK ME HOW MANY FUCKS I’M GONNA GIVE! I GOTS ME NOTHIN’ LEFT TO LOSE. THIS MAKES ME A VERY DANGEROUS SUMBITCH! DO NOT FUK WID ME! WORD TO ANYONE WHO MAY STILL BE WISE IN YER FUKKIN’ LAME=ASS ORI-FIZE! WHICH I AM QUITE CERTAIN IS OVER-SIZED (AND BLOATED BEYOND REPAIR!)
I still miss her. “Maria” (And some guy) Madelyn & Me! Me & Madelyn! On-The-Stage! Stars! She & Me! Me & She! We had to share The Spotlight, but “The Play” Was always about HER Not Me As it should be. ******* She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’ “Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa … Continue reading
(YEAH! I’M A FUCKIN’ MORON! ) GET THE FUCK OVER IT! mORE Sailor – Shit! Fuk OFF! go gET Wreck’d )And Sandy! Andy!) Think I GiVe a Fuk? IF YoU ArR Hear Hear You DO.T HEaR To(o) FukKin’ Good. And take Toto Too With You! Do ya! You are Readin’ ThE Wrong FuCkin’ BlOg! What’s It All About? THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT! It is Insulting, Disrespectful, And It WILL PISS YOU OFF! wILL sEVeREallLY PISS YOU ofF! You Think I enjoy Living with Lance? If you Do, You are Fucking STUPID!!!! AND YEAH! I LOVE TO Shit WHERE i eat! tHIS is JUST hOW i fuckin’ ROLL! (iF You are concered for my SANITY or lack THEREOF, Your CONCERNS are WELL, well-founded. But never fear: I WW2 WILL BE DEAD SOON!) But not today. OK? I still HAVE some assholes in my fucket bucket who have pissed me off! And are in serious need of an ass-kickin’. Which I will be more than happy to administer. Believe me: They will miss me! Later! Much Later! But they will harbor fond memories of that ass-kickin’
DO NOT READ THIS! IT WILL PISS YOU OFF! Continue reading
DO NOT READ THIS ONE EITHER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! “More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars”
I once knew a Theist named Kent
He told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent Continue reading
I think I Somehow Managed to ‘Fix” The Fukked-Up Screwed-UP Download On This Post! (The Judy Garland ONE!) I respect My Readers! I do NOT Wish to Waste Your Time Waiting On Some Bullshit Vid To Load! I try MY BEST to Fix Broken Shit! I ‘Work’ The Problem! “HOLLYWOOD! Up-Dated!! Re-Visit This One Y’all. It is Awesome! The Vids! The Vids! The Vids! Ignore My Prose! Watch the Videos!”
In Need indeed, needs more love. Continue reading
Read The Atheist Part “Jury Duty, Texas Style: A Re-Post”
On the appointed day I dutifully showed up at the Hunt County Courthouse (in a borrowed car) along with about one hundred twenty thusly cursed potential selectees. Continue reading
What’s It All About? THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT!
What’s it all about? I am Atheist, Capital A Have Been Ever Since I Learned To Read This will never change. Everyone knows this. I am Not Militant About it! But Some “Hyper Christians Keep Trying to “Save” Me! Save Me From What? Yes, I have Theist Friends. I live in a State Flush With … Continue reading
I’m real Ill–Probably Gonna Be Ded Soon. Read Quick! The Comments on the Orig Post Are Priceless Gems! “What’s it all about, Alfie?” And YES! this Post is a Chocolate Mess!
“Do you have a point?” “Yes.” “What is it?” Pregnant pause. “So, you don’t have a point?” “Uh….” “When you discover your point, get back to me. If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.” Cred: Cilla Black – Alfie (Official Video) If you don’t…. listen…. Joni…. N/M I’ve grow weary of beating this … Continue reading
“They Opened Their Mouths & OUT Came Talk! Talk! Talk! They Used to Have Faces! I am BIG! It’s the Pictures that got Small!” Some Lenny Included too!
What??? Continue reading
Sailors Are all Assholes: Trust me! I know! “Part Six of A Sailor’s Scholarly History of the South Pacific: Mary-Lou and Mama-San and Gainful Unemployment”
Here is how bar fines are not designed to work:
You do NOT Lose it. (Your receipt)
You broke it; you bought it.
You hand over your receipt to your rental so she can leave you. Continue reading
I’m Still Searchin’ For My Rainbow “Happy Place!” Oh Wait! Found IT! Madonna! Brings Me Happiness! Endless Happy! I LOVE HER! She Has Enriched My Life! Immensely! Immeasurably! Fore-ev’r-ably! (I spent a few little minutes building this one) I do hope you enjoy my “Work”!)
Mo love
Mo love
Mo love
This post needs.
Mo Madonna Love
I love this woman.
If you have a brain, you do tool. You tool
She moves my body in ways my body ain’t supposed/designed to move. Continue reading
Pain (Agin) I love MY NAVY!
Afg has brought me Pain Againe. Picking up from the last half-chapter… Matt, Rogers, and I were in Viva Young. I had been smitten. But the smite –her was elusive, so Matt and I retired to the pool tables. Me hoping to fleece him outta some beer money. He hoping for good conversation and Lance … Continue reading
Still in Sailor Mode! “Sea (Somewhat of a Stream of Almost Consciousness)”
The scariest thing to me… Was at sea. In the Indian Ocean, late one night (That “IO” That Ho!) Late at Night. And the ship was tight. And the waves were big. Real big. IO, She was angry. And I was scared. (No! HE Was scared). I was never scared! I was drinking coffee… And … Continue reading
OH why Not!? ‘Lance! Lance! LANCE!!! Take a Fuckin’ Break! Get Over Yourself! Added More Navy SEAL SHIT! “Part Two of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”
When last we left our Boys they had arrived at Viva Young not unlike victorious Roman Legionaries returning from Gaul—The Conquering Heroes—welcomed with gleeful squeals of joy and happiness by the Girls. Continue reading
Yeah! I am Re-Posting Up-Beat Shit Becuz I am Trying To Re-Enter My ‘Happy-Place” and Stop Being Deee-Pressed! “Part Three of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific” “HAPPY TALK!”
I just had to have some chat with her.
And By God, I would.
Or die.
I became useless for the rest of the evening.
Continue reading
I know this is a ‘Recent Post’ But I am Still in My Lance “Sailor Mode” and In “South Pacific Self-Pity Mode–Mode! Ignore me! Ignore This Post, But When I Wrote it, The Memories Broke My Fucking Heart! “Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’
Magsaysay was a little more frenetic than usual for a hot, humid sunny day.
Or maybe it was my imagination.
“Matt,” I remarked as we sauntered down the street heading for Viva Young, “Seem a little busy today?”
“It’s a Filipino holiday,” he said.
“No shit? What’s the occasion?”
“Magellan Day.”
“I thought the Filipinos despised him.”
“They do. This holiday commemorates that poison arrow they planted in his ass back in Fifteen Twenty-One.”
Continue reading
I Did Promise Music and Laughter: I Kind of Lied (BTW: All Lives Matter)
I actually gave this some serious thought earlier today. And truthfully I was inspired by a post I read over yonder at P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S. We were talking about optimism. Well Sharon was but it got me to thinking. (Scary, yeah.) Anyhow, I had this post develop in my head. A post about good and bad. A post … Continue reading
I Am So EXCITED!
HOPE SPRINGS EXTERNAL Continue reading
Re-Read This One Just for My Word Press Rant! (It is Under or Below or Above My Rolling Stones Video) Fuck WordPress! ok AND I added some of My “Brilliant” Film Critic Commentary TOO! LMFAO!!!! (AND A WP Bashing vid just fer Shits and GRINS!)
They have an entire Department At WP!
It is Called
“The Department of How We Can Fuck Things UP” Continue reading
OH! OH! OOOOH! MY! GOD! But IS/Was/IS This Aussie AWESOME! (Author’s Note: This POST Just Goes on and On and On and On and on and on and on! Just walk Away Renee! Trust me!) and Don’t Look Back at me–Unless You Want to Turn Me Into a Pillar of Salt. As tempting and appealin’ as that sound to you right now. Revsit that urge! I am gonna write some real epic shit! Real Soon! Hey! Anyone wanna buy a bridge? I got one on sale! Marked down! Special Price! Today Only! It is in Arizona. The new paint is brand fucking New! Still Wet, in Fact!
Olivia!!!
BayBeeee!
Be
Mine!
Be MY
Baby! Continue reading
Come On YA’LL! READ THIS ONE! I spent at Least Five Minute(s) Writing IT! yA! I mis-Spiel for The Effect! Hahahahahaa! “I am Re-Re Posting This Expanded Version Because I am Wallowing in Self-Pity For not ‘Making’ A Daughter. Don’t Bother Reading. It is Just For The Record of My Self-Pity. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me. This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.” That’s a Lie. I did cry.”
I Have This Most Important Poingnant Regret! Continue reading
I am reposting this simply because I want her to see it. I don’t even know if she has a computer “Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)” She is about to drive me to the booze store (I asked if she would—I won’t drive drunk—don’t wanna acidrntally kill some innocent one. Cynthia said she would drive me in my car–she don’t have a car. She is such ‘good people’. I love her!
There is still such a thing as “Good People.” Continue reading
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! “Assholes ‘R’ Us!”
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! Continue reading
Mind Gone! Blown! “Now Run Tell That!” –Peanut, semi-famous person.
Do NOT READ THIS! Continue reading
Still In Vegas And Rememberance Mode! And Here, Find Here: A Final Throw-Back: “Lost Wages” I need a Sabbatical
Since I have decided to give my disease another go at me, I thought this appropriate. Continue reading
Updated & Had to Add! Arabia (Amman, Chapter The First) “Maggie”
Maggie and Hala Used to Sing This Song around The Office In Amman. They Were So Charming! I miss them so much! (I Have Photos, But They are On My Broken Computer–Shit!) **** Jordan How many women have I loved (and lost)??? Better Dust off that TI Calculator I worked in Amman Jordan for six … Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: Part “V(iva) Las Vegas”
“Hey Lance!” she exclaimed. “Come look at this shit! There are little teeny-tiny soap bars in the bathroom. And little baby shampoo bottles! And some paper thingy on the toilet. How I’m supposed to pee with that paper there? And look at this!” she said, walking out of the head and back into the room, “There’s a coffee pot and Coffee! And Look at this here! A Remote Control for the TeeVee!” Continue reading
Shoulda Left Las Vegas
Las Vegas And pondering why I love the TV show, ‘Nashville’ so much. Here goes: Many a time while stationed in San Diego, I would make a spur of the moment decision to drive the five hours to Vegas. Occasionally with a buddy or two after closing down a bar somewhere downtown San Dog. Once … Continue reading
Lady Luck Chapter Three
Travis returned to the table Sat back down at ‘third base’ Continue reading
My Mind Has Left the Building! Bye Bye Mind! Happy Trails! (And Once Again: Word-Depressed Screwed Up My Edit!) “Hey WordPress Go GET Wrecked!”
****** “Look What They Done To My Brain” Street Cred for Vid: amonem ****** F*ck You Bob! (Ed Note: This Post is Becoming more and more about Melanie, and less and less about Dylan. My Original intent was to do a Dylan Bit. I Got Distracted) The more I discover about this woman, the more … Continue reading
I am re-visiting this–trying to stop thinking of how much I am Missing Madelyn-Missing Her–“English! Or Nor Wee-Gin. You Choose. Or A Charming Darling”
Something is broken in my mindl
Vice is nice.
Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker
A Charming Darling Continue reading
Someone Recently “Liked” This… So Natch! I Repost it! “English!”
(I still love you Baby!) But I had to go See way below… For all the reasons this is so English!I love everything English/British!I had one once.She drove me crazy!I was no longer the smartest in the room.She made me crazy I still love her And I still miss her Marvelous much Woe is me … Continue reading
I am Reposting This For My Dead Sister: She Will Read It. In Heaven Which, if There is Such a Place, Is Where She Belongs You Don’t Need To… Read This. It is Only For Her. “Janis Ian handed my ass to me.”
I said, “Do you wish me dead?” Lip service to books you’ve read Articles on how to bed a bird in flight You called it love I called it greed You say, “You take what you want” I said, “You get what you need” Go on, be a hero, be a man Make your own … Continue reading
Sister ACT, Ann Marie: Ode to Facebook…
My Beautiful Sister, Ann Marie,
The one Who is still Alive, but won’t take my phone calls because she figured out that I’m an asshole!
I’m sure it didn’t take her too long to sort that revelation out. Continue reading
I am re-Posting This Because I am Still Missing My Sister and Wallowing In My Self-Pity “My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)” And WORDPRESS IS PISSING ME OFF! CANNOT DELETE THE REDUNDANT POSTS IN THIS POST
I Need to Get OVER THIS
Somehow! Continue reading
He’s not Really Heavy: He is my Brother; I Can Manage.
“You ain’t heavy; I got ya Bro’. Hang in.” Posted for Teela And for Madelyn “How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?” *** Here is a no shitter story: I talked to my “ever-so-cool” step-sister Madelyn, back in the Seventies about this song. She said to me, “Lance, what does this song … Continue reading
Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo) Found ourselves standing before Daddy. In His Study. That Bitch Gloria (My Step-Mom) was there as Well. Our ‘Mission’… was to procure/beg money. Maddy and Jennifer did this Joni (as a) Duet and Perfection two-part Harmony: a capella! “Twisted” Street Cred For The Vid: JoniJourney (It … Continue reading
plEASe rEReAD tHis! (I added some shit to it–I will never get over the loss of her) i MiSs hEr sO mUCh! So Marvelous MUCH! She was very FAR Removed From Perfect! But Damnit! I LOVED Her! I loved HER!! Life Ain’t Fair! If There is a God, First Words of Mine to HIM: “Fuck YOU For Taking My Sister! Send Me to That Other, Better Place! FUCK YOU GOD! How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand? Guess YOU Wouldn’t Know, Because You’re an ASSHOLE!”
I MISS HER SO MUCH! Continue reading
Revist This! I Cannot Stop Fucking Adding to IT!
I LOVE THE SOUTH! Continue reading
More Love for This Post Please! “Haulin’ Hay For Fun & Profit” Still in ‘Southern Mode!’
It’s been a while since I have written about Peanut, but he has been on my mind of late. A few of us in Honey Grove during the Seventies, not being afraid of hard work and also not being afraid of making good money would haul hay during the summers, brutal hot honest work. This … Continue reading
Greatly Expanded! Added VALUES! Or How Lance LOVES His SOUTHERN Heritage!! “I HATE POLITICS! (Just Kidding!–I LOVE Politics–Wood Tics, Bed Tics, Dog Tics, All Tics! “They all Parasitical”) “Hip-Ocrocy”
I LOVE THE SOUTH! Continue reading
WORDPRESS IS FUKKIN’ STUPID!!!!!!!
OR MAYBE IT’S JUST ME! Continue reading
Had to REPOST THIS ONE Cuz I just Cannot Leave it Hanging: I Forgot to ADD In My favorite Bits! I HATE POLITICS! (Just Kidding!–I LOVE Politics–Wood Tics, Bed Tics, Dog Tics, All Tics! “They all Parasitical”) “Hip-Ocrocy”
I LOVE SOUTHERN! Cliff Notes/Teaser Version: Full Album. Must Listen, or if not, Why Are You Even Here?! Vid Cred for Share:WCW *** Now some might say Brother Dave was a racist and they would probably be right, but I am posting these bits because I love the way he talks politics and specifically about … Continue reading
i Can AdMit When I’m WroNg. evEn When I Don’t KnOw WHen I’ve BeEn wRonG
Mark Dice Handed My Ass to Me! Continue reading
Rerun, But Fits in Nicely With My Current Kennedy-Bashing Rants: “Why Ruby Did It”
Why Jack? Oh Why?!
Of course if you want the answer to that
Burning Behind the Grassy Knoll question, all you need do is listen to Lenny.
Look no further.
Lenny Has This One Covered Y’all Continue reading
I am Re-Re Posting This Expanded Version Because I am Wallowing in Self-Pity For not ‘Making’ A Daughter. Don’t Bother Reading. It is Just For The Record of My Self-Pity. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me. This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.” That’s a Lie. I did cry.
I Have This Most Important Poingnant Regret! Continue reading
I Am Livid! (And I am LMFAO! Because No One Is Gonna Get Within A Mile of This Post! Fukking Cowards!) Still Laughing! And here I thought Y’all were made of ‘Sterner Stuff!’ Guess I was misinformed! Hahahahaha!
I just finished watching Sleepy Joe Biden Bang on and on and on about The Fucking Keny-Dies Continue reading
More Eloquent Excellance From My Hero. My ‘Spirit Animal’ The Critical Drinker Reviews ‘Squid Games’
I am in Fan-Love with this Scotty!
Thank Gawd I am not gay! Continue reading
Just Some More Patriot Navy Shit! It’s My Blog and I’ll Spam If I Want To! “She’s Not Here”
Did I recently re-post this?
Oh Well.
Some may not have seen it.
I miss My NAVY
Sometimes I miss my first wife.
But that passes.
Missing My Navy Daze
Haze-Gray & Underway Days…
Never Passes Continue reading
Yes! I Have LOST My FUCKIN’ Mind! “How Did We Ever…” Updated! One More Vid! Atom Anomallyeee! Yippee! China is Gonna Take Taiwan. Or Haven’t You Heard? Joe? Joe? Wake Up Joe! DO Something! Anything! Even if it’s Wong! No? Caint Be Bothered?–Camel Toes? MS VP Harris?? No? I Guess So Long Taiwan! Was Nice Knowin’ Ya!
Ah shit!
I’m done with my rant.
Let’s lighten it up a mite.
And I have discovered that I have already posted on this topic, but fuck it. Grab yer bucket and climb into it.
Then fuck it.
Yeah.
Fuk yer bucket.
Call it yer bucket mist list.
Duck and fucking cover
I really do miss the Cold War. Now go Kill a Commie for Mommie. Continue reading
Must Re-Re-Re-Post This Be-Cuz I Am Still in ‘Celebration’ MY U.S. NAVY Mode! Added Some Little Bits (Mostly About Sub-Mariners, But Who Cares?) About Them! The Bravest of the Brave. Try Spendin’ Three Months Under Water. See If YOU Survive With Some of Your Sanity Still Alive.
BE AFRAID
BE VERY AFRAID Continue reading
This Post DESERVES More love! C’mon Y’all! I do THIS for YOU!! “Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific”
Sorry Y’all, but I must repost this because I have made a new Friend, a Veteran, and I want him to be able to find it and hopefully read it.
Even tho, he is a Marine… Hell, I’ll forgive him that. We are both patriots. Continue reading
Lady Luck Chapter Two
Don’t Do THAT Again! Continue reading
Expanded & Really, Really Stupid–A Pity-Party for Me. This is Really Stupid, Yet Deserves Another Look. Word Around the Campfire: “Lance is Drunk”–Again) (Snow, Texas (NO) Power & Light, Abusive Muse: True Love of My Life, All Mish-Mashed Together. Snow Ice-Cream Anyone? I’m buyin’. BYOVE–Bring Yer Own Vanilla Extract: I drank all of Mine.
Y’all think shit is bad today? Let’s take a stroll down memory lane shall we? Continue reading
Expanded. Made Better. Added Vids: Joni and CSN & Young! “I am Re-Posting This For The Benefit of a Like-Minded Fellow Blogger–I Hope She Sees it. “The Greatest Bullshit Story Ever Sold” A Little Joni Rant at the End. Tread Softly. And I’m sorry the text don’t line up properly with the images. WordPress is Stupid. I cannot fix stupid.
Read at your own annoyance. Wordpress is broken. Not MY FAULT. ME NO ALAMO Continue reading
UPDATED! EXPANDED! Added Some New Shit: (Three Awesome Vids I stole–May Be Found at the end) I don’t get excited, nor worked up over “Climate Change” Or Formerly Known As “Global Warming”
New!
New!
New!
PSA
FROM THE GOVERNMENT Continue reading
“What you don’t know about women is a lot Lance-a-Lot”
What I don’t Know About Women
Is a lot
Lance-A-Lot
Therein
Is That Magic
Moonlight
In a Martini Continue reading
Just a Re-Post Tribute to an American Icon. Ignore it, Nothing Added. Nothing Gained. “You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy”
I Love and Admire You Dorothy.
Always Have.
Always Shall.
You are an American Icon. Continue reading
CNN is Running Their ‘Diana CNN Presents’. We’ll See If They Tell Her Real TRUE Story & With Respect. Here IS My No Bullshit Version: “Diana, Beautiful Cherished Perished Princess. Treasure for the Measure of the World. Such a… words fail. Everyone loved her (Except her ‘Howdy Doody’–Looking husband and Christopher Hitchens. So screw both of them)”
CNN is about to broadcast yet another monstrosity:
‘CNN Presents’
This time on Princess Diana.
I have already done this.
Pretty certain mine is better and more respectful. Continue reading
Had to Re-Post! That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It! “Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them!”
Ipanema Girl!
And
Dorothy Hamill Continue reading
Just Another Manic Sunday!
I Fucking HATE Sundays Continue reading
“Lady Luck” or “Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered” You Choose. (WIP)
Lost Wages
Lost Mind
Lost Soul
Doncha Know? Continue reading
I Am Living In A Book (And a Movie) That Illustrates Far Too Well My Life Right Now: “Bridge Over that River Kwai” Or, “Rice Won’t Let You Die.” “Just Try! Will Keep You Alive For One More Day.”
Rice is Nice
Liquor is Quicker
And Easy Death is Not an Option Continue reading
The Brilliance & Sagaciousness & Just Pure D Funniness That is Julie Nolke! I love her more than CASH Money!
Watch Julie
You won’t regret your time spent.
I promise.
No Shit! Continue reading
Donna, Disco, And Convicts (She married a white boy. Maybe there is hope for me??)
I have been in love with Donna
ALL MY ADULT LIFE! Continue reading
Euphemisms, Clichés, ‘Nice-Polite-Speech,’ Trite Sayings, Bullshite! Fuck That!
Don’t Be a Cliché
Okay?
And never be ‘nice’
I hate ‘nice’
Nice is just mice
And I am a fucking cat
A black one with attitude. Continue reading
I Am A Moron, Or “Clang Clang Bang! Went My Folly!” Or “Not Fit to Live With” Y’all Sort it out for me.
Here is what I ‘hear’ when I go back and ‘look’ at most of my old posts: Continue reading
Still Working / Updating On This One. Deleted The Other One. “I Have Not, Not, Yet NOT Written Nearly Enough About My Love: My Linda. I am gonna fix this soon. Stand By!”
She Melts My Heart
Just Like a Wheel
A Broken,
Melted Wheel Continue reading
Here is Another One That Never Gets No Play on ‘The Radio.’ Why Not Y’all? “Escape From Memphis–Chapter One”
The Lamp is broken on the mantle.
My mind is blown and it’s goin’ away.
It’s gettin’ more than I can handle…
Babes, Info (Info-Babes) Babes in My Toy-Land
Screw it!
Imma gonna repost this.
It fits with my last post. Continue reading
Movin’ On UP. I “Watch” (not listen) to A lot of Broadcast/Network News–Generally Keep my Television Muted
The Only News To Funny to Print! Continue reading
OK. Another Chapter In My Continuing Series: “Women Lance Loves, Respects, and Lusts After.” Today We Bring You: “I Got It Bad For Berg.” Enjoy. And if You Ain’t Into Country Music or Beautiful Women, Skip This One
Matraca Berg
WORK IN PROGRESS! Continue reading
(Up-Dated, Slightly Inebriated, and Slightly Expand-i-Cated Old Post and has been sanitized for your protection) FaceBook Recently Got Fukked! Hoisted by Their Own Re-tard! LMFAO!
For Any Enquiring Minds Who Give-A-Shit: I recently deleted My Face-Fuk Account of 12 Years. Guess what happened next. Continue reading
Everything About This Post is Pissing Me Off. Probably Why I Have NOT Continued it of Late: “A Tale of Two Grandmothers (WIP RIP)” I need to start fresh over with this one. From scratch.
Ed note: Someone made her gravestone before she was even dead.
How fucked up is that? Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter Ten: Psychiatrist Interrogation, or “Last Fucking Chance Asshole!”
Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest: “How long have you been drinking?” Continue reading
Dire Straits…
Don’t Drown Lance!
Surely at least one will miss you.
And your bullshit. Continue reading
OK. Here is Yet One More Post I Seem Incapable of Just Walking Away From. Or… “P.S., I Love You Michelle My Belle”
I need to die soon
I need to die soon
I need to die soon
I need to die soon Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser—Part Duh–Rickie Lee, Just Like Joni–Fascinates & Captivates Me
Yeah.
Rickie Lee Today
It is that kind of day!
Okay? Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser! (“Lookie Here Y’all”)
No Bullshit Found Here
I love
This Woman
“Your Talk is cheap Lance”
“Go Get Fucked. Like my ‘talk’ now? Pricey enuff for ya?”
Continue reading
This Seems to be ‘Trending’ Which in MY Blogging Universe Memes, er… Means: One Person Looked at it–So Natch! Thot I’d Re-Spam it. “Stage Four Zero Fucks Given Syndrome” Visit the End for my Vitriol on Word-Depressed.
Joe Bob Briggs sez
“Chek it out!” Continue reading
This is What Consequential Truth or Consequence You Pay When You Become ‘Three Hundred and One Pounds of Fun’
Hundred and One
Pounds
of
FUN! Continue reading
A Brief Scholarly Discussion with Peanut Concerning The Merits of Pimento Cheese
P’Nut and I were on our way to Galveston for yet another shark-chasin’ adventure. We had stopped briefly at a Brookshire’s to purchase some provisions. Continue reading
I have lost My Fuckin’ My Fucking Mind. This is Reeecents Rerun. I am going insane! “Siren Songs” Sayonara Bitches! Or… Want an America? Good luck with that asshole(s)! Step up. Step off, or get the fuck outta my face!
Do Not even
Come near me right now.
I am insanity!!
Person-if- fried. Continue reading
A Tale of Two Grandmothers (WIP RIP)
I had two grandmothers. Most of us do/did
One was pure Saint.
One was pure Satan
I loved them both Continue reading
OK. Truth in Advertisin’: I had to repost this one because I cannot seem to cease and desist fukking about with it. I keep adding shit. “Lance! Step back slowly away from the keyboard! And drop that mouse Mister! Now! Do it NOW!” Small, meek Lance voice, “Okay…”
All Stop!
All Stop!
Stop the Ship!
Full Reverse!
Run Away! Continue reading
Come on Y’all! Take Another Look-See at This One! Be Joyful! “Happy, Positive, Upbeat Stuff To Lift Your Spirits Up”
Worth your time.
Trust me:
I’m NOT with the
Government. Continue reading
Happy Cockeyed Optimist. I’m Stuck Like a Dope With a Thing called ‘Hope’–C’est Moi!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy!
Optimist!
Happy! Happy! Happy!
Cockeyed Optimist! Continue reading
Just Another Immaculate Resurrection (Updated) From The TT&H Archives: “Daily Lenny Fat Boy” or “Moldy Oldie Goldie Goodie”
Moldy Oldie Goldie Goodie
ENJOY!
ENJOY!
ENJOY!
Fetch along your sense of HUMOR
(You’ll need that) Continue reading
The Good Old Days Are RIGHT NOW
There are so many reasons today to rejoice. Continue reading
Humility Industrial Complex
So I have been ‘reviewing’ my recent posts on Socialist Media. Continue reading
Would Someone, Anyone, Please Explain to Me Why This Post Was Such a Flop?? It is ALL ABOUT The Best Things in My/Your/American/Even World/Culture–I honestly Wanna Know! What is WRONG With This Post? WTF is Wrong With Me??
I put A Lot of Work–Thought–Work into the ‘construction’ of my posts.
I know it ain’t Fucking Sharkespeared… (I prefer hook, line, and sinker)
But, Dammit! Continue reading
“I Need a Brand New Key” Or “Adventures in Alcohol-(isms)”
MORE RECYCLE
MOVE ON
THIS IS JUST FOR ME
AND
MELANIIE! Continue reading
Melanie!
RERUN
DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME.
I AM JUST LIVING IN A
FANTASY – LAND – IN
MY
MIND….
I suppose, for just a moment… I am fucking lonely…
Continue reading
I Fukking Love Movies (Good Ones) And There is Only One Man These Days I’d Sit Down and Get Drunk With and Discuss Them (Becuz I’m an asshole and very particular about the company I keep)
Yeah! Can you guess who? Here’s a clue and a nickel: Continue reading
Green Onions
Enjoy A Bit of ‘Almost Soft Porn’ Continue reading
“The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.” –Lenny
“Don’t jump and make trouble.” Continue reading
Rerun! Don’t Bother! “Abusive Muse Chapter Three and 3 Quarters” Or “Pass the tea and Sympathy”
Dateline: 24 OCT 2020
Time: 0020 hours.
Some knocking at my back door.
“Who is it?” I said.
“It’s your Muse. Open the damn door.” Continue reading
Abusive Muse–Act Three and a Half–Interlude. (Just fer fun repost)
Reposting Just for FUN! Continue reading
Yet another ‘re-run’–Just ‘Fishin’ for a few new Readers–“Sometimes There Just Aren’t Enuff Crud Eaters” Redux–Major Expanded–New & Improved!
Just fishin’ for new readers…. Continue reading
Profane Profanity! (With Special Guest Star Cordelia)
I use a lot.
A lot of Profanity
What can I say?
I am a Texan / Sailor
Or a Sailor / Texan.
‘Tis my nature.
Never mean to offend. Continue reading
UPDATED: “Grapes of Wrath” Want And Worry and How I Was In Such A Hurry To Get My Ass Kicked Over It (Reading That Book) Or “Buddy Can You Spare a Dime?”
Updated.
Still
A Work in Progress Continue reading
Shit That Makes Me Happy (OH, and Dick Latson–Those Memories Make Me Happy Too)
NOW
I
AM
IN MY
HAPPY PLACE! Continue reading
Lance! Lance! LANCE!!! Calm the Fuck Down Son! Anger is not good for you, or anyone! RELAX! Fill Your Life and Waking Hours With Joy, Art, and Beauty. For Fuck Sake! Just Be Thankful to be Walking Around ALIVE!
“OKAY, I shall,” he said meekly… GOT Gotcha! Emilia! Oh Yeah! Forgot the “Clarke” My Bad: “Emilia Clarke” Men At Work – Down Under Curtis Mayfield – ‘Diamond in the Back’ “Just be Thankful for What You’ve Got” “Happy Talk” KATHY! “Bugs!” Maddy! Pharrell Williams – Happy: I can never get enough Kathy in my … Continue reading
Have I Mentioned Lately How Pissed Off I Am? America is BROKEN! And This BREAKS MY HEART!! P.S. I now have the WuFlu! YaHoo! I Am So Fucking Excited! This Should Prove to be an Adventure.
Yeah! And I have had my two
Fauci Ouchies
FUCK YOU CNN!!!
FUCK YOU PMSNBC! BASICALLY FUCK YOU BROADCAST TV! Continue reading
I Want Another Dog (This man don’t need no maid. See Neil below…) I ‘need’ a doggy.
This was my last dog:
‘Tejas’.
We ‘lived’ together in Missouri with some woman.
Her name escapes me.
I think we were married.
But I forget her name. Continue reading
The Most Missed One: Indigo Girl 2: Callen, “The One That Got Away.”
I wished upon a Star
(But I Fell Too Far) Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”
C’mon Y’all!
This post needs your love.
Watch the vids if nothing else
They are brilliant!
(not mine)
But I lived it for almost two years! Continue reading
Some Abbreviated Thoughts on Blogging/Writing with no Hyperbole
I generally spend about ten minutes ‘writing a post’. Then three minutes waiting on ‘spell check’ to remind me that I cannot spell ‘cat.’ Then two minutes (except for the upload wait) to upload photos/videos. One minute at the ‘final’ look. Then: Click that ‘publish’ button. And pray. Total time expended: ‘Bout 15 minutes. Done. … Continue reading
Lance, You Lie Redux, Or “Dark-Eyed Ragin’ Cajun Woman” This is a long series. Anyone who slogs thru it gets a free Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener–Color of your choice. Free shipping. (Links to the chapters are in the bodies of the bodies…)
For Louisiana
This post needs more affection Continue reading
Y’all Wanna Know The Worst Tactile Sensation Ever?
Of course you do. It is when you go to flush the toilet and that handle snarls back at you, rather limp-wrist’d, as if to say, “Not tonight Asshole. Go back to sleep.” (Now, in some truth, I could probably improve this post. For example: I should not have referenced ‘limp wrists”. In truth, y’all … Continue reading
Continuing Saga of My Favorite Wife: Rhonda-Jo– I still miss the hell out of her! Damn it! How Could I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?! So FUCKING Stupid.
I still really miss her in my life. I miss my wife. I miss my wife/life. In the entire history of monumental fuck ups that is my life, this will always reign supreme: I cast her away. And ‘regret’ does not even come close as a word. Continue reading
Rhonda: Chapter Le Premier
Self-Pity is a worse disease than alcoholism.
I can ‘fix’ alcoholism.
Have not yet found a cure for self-pity or regret, or loneliness.
These plagues plague me.
Constantly
Relentlessly. Continue reading
Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses–Or, What You Will (“And you know that she’s half-crazy”–therein lies the attraction…)
Suzanne needs more love.
Lance does too.
And so does this post Continue reading
Pissed Off. Angry. Cannot Understand Why. Or, “Walking ‘Round My Town After Midnight.”
Late last night, ‘bout midnight, I woke up from a nap. Deep sleep. Coma. Went to the head. Took a piss. Poured a glass of wine. (I keep my wine in the bathroom; don’t ask why) Drank it down in one large gulp. No good. Cracked open a beer. Started working on that. Then realized … Continue reading
Faith
Against the good advice from one of my most loyal and sincere readers, I am gonna repost just one more…. for clarity. Continue reading
Ever Have One-of-Those-Days?
I am speaking to those writers out there. Continue reading
Just in Time for Easter (OK It’s Late–Sue or Screw me… Only if you are a red-headed female, that is. I mean the screwing part. The suing part? Have at it. Good luck)
I am an idiot.
And an asshole.
Lewd, crude, rude
And socially unacceptable.
This is all very well-documented Continue reading
*BREAKING BAD NEWS!* (CNN is the Best Comedy Show On Television, Bar None–And it is even better watching while drunk or stoned, or le both)
Laughing at CNN is one of my favorite joyful mindless diversions: Exclusively Here on TT & Hiero-Glyph! That means you won’t hear it anywhere else! (Because we made it up) Continue reading
It is with no small bit of trepidation…
That I find myself reposting this one. But in light of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding, ‘Hobby Lobby’, I just cannot keep quiet. If my words offend, I apologize now for the offense. But I never apologize for my mores. Some things won’t change. Cheers to all my friends and readers. I am nothing, … Continue reading
“I dreamt a dream tonight” Of Queen Mab, or “Whatever Your Will, Will”
Very much apropos to my Catherine Zeta-Jones post Continue reading
I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….
See Previous Post
Continue reading
Catherine Zeta-Jones: Welsh Witch Who Stole My Heart (With a bit of Stevie on the side) Or, I gots “Cat-Scratch-Catherine-Fever” You decide.
Welsh Witch
Bewitched me.
Which witch?
The Welsh one
Ok. Roger that.
Don’t call me ‘Roger’
Sorry ‘Bubba’
That’s Better.
Continue reading
“Don’t Shoot Me; I’m Only The Piano Player” And Do NOT Kill Innocent Creatures. Kill Assholes. I Am Fine With That. Start With Me. Then Kill As Many Others As You Can. You Have my Blessing. I’ll Buy For You, The Ammunition.
I used to shoot small birds Yes, back in the day, I pleasured me by shooting to death… sparrows. Continue reading
What is WRONG With Me? I Cannot Get This Out of my Head. It is well-documented in These Pages How Much I Wish I’d had a Daughter, but… I Cannot Even Begin to Imagine… What I Would Do If I had one and then some asshole…
This is really fucking with my head.
Such a beautiful young girl….
I was gonna try to make some sense of this original post.
Now I cannot.
This whole sad saga is just horrible. Continue reading
I Have But Few Words… That’s Bullshit; I have lots of Words. I Purchased Them. I Have the Receipts. Lots of shit added to this post. Now I just need to walk away from it.
I ‘re-worked’ this. Actually, I went off the rails and got lost in Rant-Land—do not read.
Sometimes, when I look around, I get sad.
Then I get angry.
Then I get really pissed.
I may think too much
(or drink too much)
Vote in the poll
HBO
I need to know. Continue reading
I Want Another Dog (This man don’t need no maid) I ‘need’ a doggy. See Neil below…
A Man needs a maid.
But a dog is better
And nicer
And easier to live with Continue reading
Stupid, Saying Same, Like “I love you” The stupidest phrase in the English Language, or any language, no matter how you phrase it, don’t say it. Just don’t! Walk the fuck away Renee.
This is a ‘quickie’ Intended for no one, but one except the intended one (audience) Who will never see it. But would ‘get it’ if she ever saw it. Continue reading
I Have But Few Words
Sometimes, when I look around, I get sad.
Then I get angry.
Then I get really pissed.
I may think too much
(or drink too much)
Vote in the poll
HBO
I need to know. Continue reading
I Am Walking About Piss’d Off Lately. Someone, Anyone… Take me AWAY! OK??
They shoot horses, don’t they?
Shoot me in the head
Now
Do it now.
Do me a favor. Continue reading
“Grapes of Wrath” Want And Worry and How I Was In Such A Hurry To Get My Ass Kicked Over It (Reading That Book) Or “Brother Can You Spare a Dime?”
This is Raw
I will fix it later
Alligator Continue reading
Life Lesson Learned: Don’t Go Around Kicking Sinai Spiders (Uh, This One Ain’t No Re-Run. It be brand-spankin’ New)
Revisit this one.
I just thought it was fucking funny.
Mainly because it is a true story. Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Three: “Under The/My Bored – Walk
The Briefing was Brief:
“This here’s the van gonna take you. Leaves at zero five hunnert, an’ it’ll leave without ch’all, so doan wander off.” Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”
Since I am reposting shit,
and stalling writing new shit…
Here ya go, fans of my shit…
Some of you may have not been blessed by this shit
Yet.
I am here to help you with your deficiency shit.
You’re welcome. Continue reading
Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific
Sorry Y’all, but I must repost this because I have made a new Friend, a Veteran, and I want him to be able to find it and hopefully read it.
Even tho, he is a Marine… Hell, I’ll forgive him that. We are both patriots. Continue reading
Needs Its Own Stand Alone Post. Watch The Vid If You Have Any Time or Desire to Understand Where I Am Coming From. Crit Drinker Man is Way More Eloquent Than Me–And Smarter Too. (But I Am More Handsome)
Just hit ‘Play’ Don’t Ask Questions or Be Difficult. Don’t Make Me Come Over There! Why The Past Matters:
Updated! Added Polonius—Time! And Honesty. And Being Truthful to My Readers, because These are the most Important Things to Me: Honesty & Sincerity and Keepin’ it Real. And Trying Real Hard to Not Waste Your Time.
I am working on a new project about Bob Fosse, and lots of others and of course it is all about MOVIES—GOOD MOVIES–NOT Shit movies.
Meantime…. I just drop this in.
I do not even know why.
Oh! Wait! I know why. I am fucking lazy and stalling work on my new project.
At least I’m honest about it. I never blow smoke. Nor sugar-coat. Continue reading
“Look like th’innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t” or “Come you spirits, That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here.”
Screw it! Re-spam it! I love my own post. Well this one anyway,
It needs more love.
Most of Y’all have seen it, but some newbies may have not.
“Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?”
–Lady Macbeth Continue reading
Cabin Fever–UBH–On Hiatus Quietus.
Be Careful when approaching me.
Bring whiskey.
Might buy you some time.
For your life.
Bring women too.
Preferably pretty naked women.
Extra credit if they have nice legs and big tits.
Extra, extra credit if they have red hair down to there…i.e. very long red hair
Continue reading
Pap, Huck, Peanut, Delirium tremens, and Lance
I post a lot of shit. I post a lot of off the wall shit. Continue reading
Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!
Ever seen a grown man cry?: My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog! Those who claim to know me… Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me! **** I’m old enough, and ‘country enuff’ to remember having a ‘party line.’ Any of Y’all remember those? (Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for … Continue reading
Wrong Number Asshole!
I love my life Continue reading
Insane Lance. Which Road To Take? The One Less, Or More? Less? OK. Yes, I Concur, “Less.” Less is More. Quoth The Raven
Left or Right at Albaquerky? Continue reading
Titty Bars and the YMCA–San Diego
Yeah, I used to hang out in Titty Bars.
For ten or twenty dollars I could get a woman to actually talk to me.
Never slept with any of them.
(Could not afford that—talking and fantasizing was enuff for me)
The girls made me happy.
I was just a lonely sailor, far from home port. (Texas) Continue reading
Glen Miller Kicked Some Serious Ass! (Kinda-Sorta Updated–For Our Current ‘Happy Times’–Enjoy Please)
C’mon Yall!
Let’s love this one!
Again.
Yes.
Memory Lance – Lane Continue reading
History of The Entire Earth–The Genius That is Bill Wurtz
This needs to be re-posted
Re-shared
Re-spammed
Re-read
And often
And by someone who knows how.
(If you don’t catch the vague GWTW ref…. you may be reading the wrong blog)
Here’s a clue and a nickel:
You need to be kissed and often and by someone who knows how….
–Rhett to Scarlett
Bill Wurtz is a fucking genius! Continue reading
One Way Ticket to Palookaville
This ain’t your night.
So when the fuck is MY night?
Huh???
I coulda been a contender!
Instead of a bum. Continue reading
How Did We Ever…
Ah shit!
I’m done with my rant.
Let’s lighten it up a mite.
And I have discovered that I have already posted on this topic, but fuck it. Grab yer bucket and climb into it.
Then fuck it.
Yeah.
Fuk yer bucket.
Call it yer bucket mist list.
Duck and fucking cover
I really do miss the Cold War. Now go Kill a Commie for Mommie. Continue reading
Why? Why? Why? Why Am I So Angry Today??
I just flamed five of my best, most loyal readers. Continue reading
My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)
OK
I’ll stop
Y’all don’t have to read this stuff Continue reading
All The Leaves Are Brown and the Fucking Sky is Grey. I miss my sister Goddamn it!
My life has taken on a new shade of gray.
Not fifty
One is a fucking nuff Continue reading
ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Cass, and Lance
l am really missing my sister.
It hurts.
It really hurts. Continue reading
Escape From Memphis—Chapter Three—Shawn & My Insanity.
So they put me on a stretcher and schlepped me out of the Hotel Magnuson. Continue reading
Daniel and Lance and The Lion’s Den
In a respond to a friend
(name redacted)
Dearest ****
I live in a sleezy hotel.
There is no kitchen.
No proper sink
“No phone, no pool, no pets, I ain’t got no cigarettes”
I am an awesome cook.
But I require a kitchen for that. Continue reading
Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. Or, “God in his wisdom made the fly, and then forgot to tell us why”–Ogden Nash
I HATE WORDPRESS.
(It will NOT let me edit as I want)
And I pay these assholes 350 quid a year!
For what?
Is this money well-spent?? Continue reading
Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE
Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’ Fuck it! But it is a light-hearted Shit Post Continue reading
The Trouble With Lance And Beer Cans (And Tribble-Relations-and Manifestations)
Buyin’ Troubles?
No thanks. I’m pretty well-stocked up at the moment.
How ’bout some Tribbles? Two for one today.
Do I have to feed them?
Uh, Yeah.
Forget it. I cannot even feed myself. Continue reading
Post Only For Ela, (Elizabeth) The Sexy Goddess: Last and Last and Last Wife I Will Ever Be Blessed To Have
Throwing away Good Women Is My Primary Profession.
Second is Regret and Self-Pity
(Those come as kind of a ‘set’)
Third is….
I have not figured out yet..
I’ll get back to you. Continue reading
Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! (Yeah! It’s Still A Sandra Kinda Day) What Can I say?”
My Dream Girl.
Everything about her fascinates me. Continue reading
This is such a sad story. Young Beautiful Life So Callously, So Carelessly, So Ungraciously Stolen, Pisses me Right the Fuck Off. Yes. This makes me angry. Not that anyone gives two shits how I feel, but if I could spend three seconds with the asshole who did this, he would experience a very unhappy experience.
Gabrielle ‘Gabby’ Petito Rest in Peace BEAUTIFUL LADY This asshole, Brian Laundrie who murderized her needs to be castrated, drawn and quartered burned at the stake and then whatever is left of him be given to wild dogs for puppy chow. Continue reading
Should I Go For It? Naw. Screw it.
Had to re-spam this one.
Why?
Don’t know Continue reading
The Best ‘Blaxploitation’ Film of All Time
It’s memory lane y’all. “I’m just talkin’ ’bout Shaft.” “Right on!” “Shaft is a 1971 American blaxploitation film directed by Gordon Parks and released by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. An action film with elements of film noir, Shaft tells the story of a black private detective, John Shaft, who travels through Harlem and to the Italian mob in … Continue reading
Diana, Beautiful Cherished Perished Princess. Treasure for the Measure of the World. Such a… words fail. Everyone loved her (Except her husband and Christopher Hitchens. So screw both of them)
CNN is about to broadcast yet another monstrosity:
‘CNN Presents’
This time on Princess Diana.
I have already done this.
Pretty certain mine is better and more respectful. Continue reading
America has lost its fucking mind. I’m goin’ to Katmandu where there may still be some semblance of sanity left to be found. And the climate is probably better too. I’m tired of this fucking American Zoo.
“Sexy Red, Where ya from Darlin’? Please say ‘Texas’.” “Texas” she said. “Yeah? Really?” “Yeah, really” she replied as she rolled her eyes. “Marry me!” I said while kneeling down on bended knee. “Get away from me, you fucking Old Man!” *That did not go as planned* I thought to myself, as I slinked away … Continue reading
Hey! I’m Writing Here!
(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? Continue reading
The Rise and Fall Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise (CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS—In More Ways Than One)
And This Post Is Mainly Directed At Film Buffs In General And ‘Alien’ Fans In Particular. There is a lot of content here i.e., A Lot of Videos. I you don’t watch the vids, you are probably wasting your time. But You Do You Let’s Get On With It, Shall we? I always Like To … Continue reading
Screenplays: ‘Alien’ Explore The Genesis… And the Ultimate Demise of the Franchise.
Or, “Would you like some opium?” -H.R. Giger The subject matter of this post may well be somewhat dated and esoteric, but I do submit that it is ‘spot on’ for all my fellow writers out there… well if you are of a science fiction bent, or just want to write screenplays (The terms are … Continue reading
Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? Continue reading
Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I?
“Bonus Super Duper” is a must watch.
Trust me.
I’m with the Government. Continue reading
I am in love with a woman I have never met (in person) Or “Wasted Nights, Days, Daze….” Whatever.
Not her below…. Not even close. She ain’t this pretty. And I sure as shit ain’t that handsome . But her ‘pretty’ is the pretty I need/want/desire in my life. I am in love with her. I will not doxx her. I have her ‘for real’ photo, but you’ll never see it from me. Yeah. … Continue reading
I Stall. Uhaul. Shonnie, The Truest Sentiment You May Find Here From Me She, Shonnie reallllllly fucked me up. I am still struggling to recover and get over her. (Listen to the MTB song) And know this Y’all, I have found a new Shonnie. Only Problem I have: She hates me. Just a hurdle I shall O’re, over… jump over… leap over. (Nailed it!)
I miss the bitch Continue reading
Zen & The Art of HVAC Maintenance
I am the fucking Zen Master Continue reading
“Facebook Philosophy” Or “Woodstock” Or “Joni” You decide. We still reside (In a free country. Last I checked)
I came upon a child of God,. He was drunk.
I asked him,
“Why are you drunk?”
He pulled a little mirror out of his backpack.
“Take a look” he said.
I gave him all the contents of my wallet.
“Thanks” he said. And walked away from me. I musta scared him. He had met someone crazier than he. Continue reading
I Don’t Need No More (Toilet) – Trouble
I Love To Laugh (at me) Continue reading
PAIN IN THE NECK
Yeah.
I’m still re-posting
And boasting
I am in my second childhood.
“Once a man and twice a child.” Continue reading
I Live In Jeopardy Land. Double-Jeopardy Land In Fact.
When I am waiting for my computer to make up its mind or complete an asinine assignment Continue reading
I Love My GirlFriend (Well I did love her once) She had class–I surly/sorely/Shirley was lacking in that department.
I cannot the photo of her I wanted. And this is probably a good thing. Because today is not a good day to die. Continue reading
Julie and Julia
Fuk it
I am going to re-post all of my posts.
For posterity purposes.
Get over it.
You don’t have to read.
Find something better to do.
With your
time. Continue reading
Time After Time
And while I’m at it…. Continue reading
Call-Ment Me
Shit Lance!
Let’s re-post this one.
Why the fuck not? Continue reading
“An Unlikely Horse to Win, Place, or Even Show Up” (2021 Re-Boot with Verbose Author’s Op-Ed Bonus Bit Thrown In)
I am re-spamming this be – cuz
Because ‘auto-bikers, likeers….like hers.
pisss me the fuck off.
If I ‘like’ your post, I will tell you why.
If I don’t like it, I won’t say a fucking word.
Because my Grandmommie taught me if I had nothing nice to say, STFU!
How I still live my life.
And no. I did not kill Mister Ed. He committed Suicide Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Three: Lance Thinking With The Wrong Head (But Favorite Mistake)
Did I already re post this?
Fuck it.
I will re-re-re post it.
I am wallowing in my missing of that sexy bitch who was my last wife.
Great Goodness Grace!
She was great in the sack! Continue reading
Uniquely Random Memories from the Middle East Continued (Goddamn it, but Sheryl rocks me whurl) Scroll down.
We made love in that birdhouse after sundown Continue reading
When The Men On The Chessboard Get Up & Tell You Where To Go…
Re-Read this one.
It speaks to my
INSANITY
And to my pity party missing my last wife.
Do NOT even go there.
You think I have no regrets?
Fuk you. Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Two: In France We Kissed On Main Street
I miss her.
And she knows who she is.
Most of Y’all probably do too by now.
Fuck it.
She can kill me later.
At least I will get to see her one more time. Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Four, Wayward Bound (Repost: I miss her—I wish our life together could have lasted forever) See the fricking song. Lunch did not last forever. Our marriage really never stood a fucking chance. Too much mutual passion. That fire burned hot. And quick. And out.
Great fucking vid. My thanks to jackie T for the share. Actually in my last post, I kinda lied. We were on the same plane but bound for two different destinations:She to Missouri.Me to Texas. During the flight across the pond to America, I went back to the stewardess shack, and said,“See that Nordic Blonde … Continue reading
Continuation of ‘On The Street Where I Lived’
Shit!!!
I meant to add the song and the images when I re-worked this post.
But I was over-taken by events and passed out. When I woke up my house was on fire.
So I had to leave.
And fuck me. I buried the lead. The main reason I wanted to repost this was /s becuz Roxanne was Rickie’s big sister….. see other post…. You’ll never find it. Even I cannot find it and I wrote it. ‘Perusin’ For a Brusin’ Continue reading
Bobble-Headed Mother Fucker, Racist Piece-of-Shit, Hypocrite—Stupid is as stupid does. How is this Asshole Still walking about with a fucking job? Who is paying him?
Puke IN My Mouth. Please And Thank You. Every Time I see this moron, I get this sudden urge to throw up in my mouth Continue reading
Un-Requited Love! (Abusive, Callous Muse)
It is a fukked up kind of day. Continue reading
Siren Songs
Had to repost
Because a fellow blogger wrote a piece on same same subject. Continue reading
That’s My Story–Stickin’ to it. (Spacemen from Mars stole all of my money–I can play the game. They Love me Just The Same…) Laughing My Ass Off–At Me!
Proving (once again) That My Life Has a Sound-Track Continue reading
Medgar Evers
Now More than ever, Medgar Continue reading
It is so well-documented how much I love my Country
Why do I keep kicking this poor dead horsey?
Women & Tell-All Tela-Phones
I have lots of women in my life.
I rarely call any of them Continue reading
English! Or Nor Wee-Gin. You Choose. Or A Charming Darling
Something is broken in my mindl
Vice is nice.
Candy is dandy
But liquor is quicker
A Charming Darling Continue reading
Self-Deprecation Humor is the Lowest, Common Desdamona Trux, Denominator, Donna Matrix… Easiest Low Fruit To Harvest.
Yeah.
Reposting shit.
I’ll clean it up later.
I did add a vid
I can harvest that fucking cherry orchard… Continue reading
Daily Lenny: Judge Aaron Albamiser (sp) And This Has Turned Into a Rant. Sorry…
Did I recently repost this?
Not sure.
Forgive me if I did Continue reading
Hamas, Gaza, IDF, Israel, Intifada, and U.S. (us) And why we should care (?)
Some of you may know of my history in the Mideast. Most of you may not. Some of you may know I get emotional about issues. Some of you may not. Some of you may give a shit. Some of you may not. I flip a coin It comes down on both sides. It lands … Continue reading
“How old are you?” – “Three wars, and still growing.”
I love this post.
I love this woman.
if you have to ask why,
You are have arrived at the wrong space place.
Call Google
Perhaps you can get your money back. Continue reading
“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After)
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:
No. Fuk this. The reason had a short hapless half-life. Continue reading
(Slightly Updated) Rent One, Part… Three, I think… Thanks Again to an Erstwhile Friend. I may be gored… bored, ignored, born again, and begin anew, again (with this stupid post series) Rent-a-Sailor
I want this at the top.
It is new.
WP is stupid and hard to do.
Get over it. Continue reading
Rita!
Reposting this for a fren…. who put an earworm in my ear.
Thanks Fren…
I appreciate you.
(not really, but it looks good in print) Continue reading
Janis Ian handed my ass to me. For one shining brief moment, I had the attention of Janis Ian. Then I managed to fuck it up.
And fuck yes I know she is gay.
Ask me how many fucks I give.
Ask me if that makes any fucking dif to me’ I had spent entire love life hanging on her every word. She was not impressed.
go ahead
ask. I have a fuck comp virus…..i am gonna have to deal with this sooner or I wood perfer later
I am a computter nerd. virusesss do not frighten me. Continue reading
Texas Inferiority (Betcha Never Heard That One) From Me. If you have no cents of humor… You do not belong here. her. here. her. fuck it. I think you caught my drift
Marla Made Me Re-Post This.
I am trying (in vain) to teach her “Texas” Continue reading
These Boobs Ain’t Made For Talkin’
Read this and laugh at me Continue reading
Rant One, Rent One, Part… Three, I think… Thanks Again to an Erstwhile Friend. I may be gored… bored, born again, and begin anew, again (with this stupid post series) Rent-a-Sailor
“Rent-A-Sailor” Yes Yes Yes Fuckkng yes! I am skipping/slipping ahead Continue reading
Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)
There is still such a thing as “Good People.” Continue reading
The Funeral (DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LOVE CATS) You have been warned.
This is a fucked up sad, true story.
I need to not dwell.
Oh Well.
Sometimes revisited grief is the best kind. It clears the sinuses…. Continue reading
Well… We Done Screwed The Pooch (UPDATED! May 9th: New Videos)
G’Dammit! I LOVE TEXAS! Continue reading
TEXAS WOMEN
“That’s right; you’re not from Texas.” Continue reading
My Favorite Texan (For Today Anyway)
Goddamn! I love Texas women Continue reading
All The Reasons Why (Why I love Women) Country Women. I want Eighteen Wheels, but I’ll settle for Seven in Heaven. Just as Long as Kathleen Alice Mattea is there.
Reworked
Updated
Republished Continue reading
Random Memories from The Middle East: The Road to Sharm el Sheikh
Re-Read this one.
You will laugh.
I swear.
I swear a lot.
I am a fucking sailor.
Wanna sue me?
Good luck with that. Continue reading
Oh My Fucking Gawd! My life has a soundtrack
If you do not watch the vids, what the fuck are you doing here? Go away. Very fucking seriously related:
HOT MAMA (Or “No Thanks. Food Makes Me Sick.”)
This is a stupid post.
But it makes me laugh
At me.
Join me in my mirth? Continue reading
SueZ, Open Sez-a-me! Canal!
More Revisit Silly From Me Continue reading
I am not “Obelisk” to YOU
Just Lance having some fun.
Y’all might like this one.
Or not… Continue reading
Wonderful World of Worthy Writers!
I want to be worthy someday.
And I wish Michelle would answer my email.
Just once. Continue reading
Hooray For Hollywood! Wish I Could… Still Give a Shit. But The Magic is Gone. Long Gone. So Long!
Please re-read.
I added a Daddy Snippet….
Under the Rainbow.
Cannot believe I did not include this in the orig. Continue reading
Memp-iphany
I kinda miss Memphis
No.
Not really.
I am a liar.
Believe nothing I say or write. Continue reading
You’ve Got to Give a Little. Kindness is the Best Cure for all ills.
This is a sappy, yet heart-felt post.
I really do try to give back to our community. I love our community.
Happy Sunday, Y’alls. All of Y’alls Continue reading
Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’
I just recently got back in touch with my “Inner-Blondie” Eighties, and recalled this stupid post.
So, what to do?
Repost it.
Bitch
And never, ever, look for logic here. Go somewhere else.
Continue reading
Here Comes a Rant: Stand By For Heavy Rolls As The Shit Comes About
Had to.
Had to repost.
“Why Lance?”
“Because… Jennifer Grey. Okay?”
“OK. Whatever floats yer boat.” Continue reading
Perusin’ For a Brusin’
It, the song, reminded me of my first Stripper/Madonna/Whore/Single-mother/mutha/ethnic sexual love of my life.
I think I was ten. Yeah, I was an early bloomer., still wearing bloomers. Continue reading
MANHATTAN PET PROJECT
OK. I’ll admit it. I love her.
But then, I love most women. I am easy to catch, hard to hold. Good Luck Ladies. Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter One
Did I actually write this?
Fuck was I thinking?? Continue reading
Little Bird
If you do not laugh at this, you are not human. Continue reading
WIP (Yeah, I can do that–my whole life is Still a WIP–I hope)
Yeah. I re-published it. I want it at the top of my blog and WordPress is stupid, but I am less stupid. So here ya go. Continue reading
Oops! I Did It Again!
I really like Britney.
Not sure why. Continue reading
Gainful Employment, Part Duh
Sep Elvn ALWAYS fucks up my head (and my heart of hearts) Continue reading
But…Call Now! And We’ll DOUBLE THE OFFER!
The ONLY redeeming quality of weekends is Fred. She is the best!
Of the rest. Continue reading
Something Wrong
Fuck this World.
Stop this fucking train.
I wanna get off. Continue reading
Hooray For Hollywood! Wish I Could… Still Give a Shit. But The Magic is Gone. Long Gone. So Long!
In Need indeed, needs more love. Continue reading
Read this, Dammit
Mo love
Mo love
Mo love
This post needs.
Mo Madonna Love
I love this woman.
If you have a brain, you do tool. You tool
She moves my body in ways my body ain’t supposed/designed to move. Continue reading
Slightly Updated: “Officer, I did NOT Fall OFF that Wagon; I was pushed. Arrest the push-er, not the push-ee.” Or, “I got tired of waking up on the freeway driving ninety.” Or, “This Post is Not the Post You Were Looking For…”
Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen. Continue reading
WIP (Yeah, I can do that–my whole life is a WIP–I hope)
This wonderful video built by Francesca Maria deserves its own stand-alone post.
I am WIP’ing it.
But, While you wait…. Continue reading
This One From My Heart
It is still my Birthday. I can repost shit all day long. Continue reading
Happy Birthday TEXAS!
Fuck it. It is my birthday. I can post what I want. Continue reading
Dried up Ink, In Cooperated.
Street Fucking Cred: MC Lars (I love THIS!) Continue reading
Life is Strange
This one… do not look at.
Do not read.
Certainly do not listen to the music Continue reading
They Say It’s Your Birthday (and please read/watch this one) It may be my swan
Poor, Poor Pitiful Me Continue reading
Continuing Saga of My Favorite Wife: Rhonda
I still really miss her in my life. I miss my wife. I miss my wife/life. In the entire history of monumental fuck ups that is my life, this will always reign supreme: I cast her away. And ‘regret’ does not even come close as a word. Continue reading
Bad Fortunes. Bad Dreams. Are Always Trying To Gang-Tackle Me, (It Seems), But Then They Are Chased Away. By Good Fortune & Good People. (Perpetually in The Nick of Time)
This is for all my friends. And for my not friends too. Continue reading
“Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?
Tennis anyone?
No?
Go fuck yerself then.
I never liked you anyhow. Continue reading
Miss Function Junction
You snooze, you lose booze Continue reading
Henry The “Just A Dog, Dog”–And Now His Watch Has Ended
Dana Perino recently lost her Vizsla. I know how much that hurts. They are special dogs. The loss of Henry really fucked me up. I have yet to recover. Continue reading
If Herman Melville were trying to write ‘Moby Dick’ in 2021
“Chapter One: ‘Call me Bubba.’” Continue reading
I may be gay
Hahahahaha! Continue reading
Out On Some Limb… Clinging to a Branch-True Texan Style
Time. Time to git over it all.
20 Years of …
Never
Ever
Forget.
But, forgive them Chicks.
Those were heady times, chock full of emotion.
This Is Just a “Puff Piece” All About One of My Favorite Women Of-All-Time. Surprised? There is some ‘Lance Marcom’ Philosophy Embedded–Read With Caution, if you are easily ‘trigger’d’ Trigger. And, as the Erstwhile Dixie Chicks once said, “Oh thank Heavens for Dale Evens.”
Not an old post, but, on my mind of late.
(I put a lot of ‘work’ and ‘effort’ into this one…. some beers ago…)
WOKE Folk?
Go fuck yourselves. Continue reading
Broken Promises
Writing Sucks Continue reading
“The Biker, Bouncer, Bartender, Big-Boned Gal From Milwaukee” or “Bloody Mary Mourning–Baby Left Me Without Warning”
This was a fun post to ‘rework’, so I ‘re-worked’ it.
Now,
Yer job is to ‘re-read’ it.
Tits for tats.
I do you.
You do me.
This is how this works.
And, never fear. Someday I will finish this story; just as soon as the statue of limit runs out, or falls down. Yeah, it gets messy. Continue reading
There is only one woman I know who will get the joke. (On Me) And she is far too much a lady to call me out.
Crying Jag Continue reading
I Have Spent A Lot of My ‘Dear Years’…
Why am I so Angry? Continue reading
Hey Joe!
Just for Woke Joe.
Yeah.
I am “In a Mood”
Sue me.
I’ll find something more contemporary to express my Veteran Outrage in a minute. Give me a minute.
Continue reading
Rent – A – Sailor Part Two: Topsy-Turvy
Up is Down Down is Up Apropos For Now, Eh? We had three days steaming time to kill on our way to That ‘That Land Down Under’. Continue reading
Five Random Memories from my Three Years Spent in Israel, Egypt, Gaza, and Sinai
Did I already repost this?
Memory is failing.
“memory is like that, yeah it is.” Continue reading
I was so… Pulling for Y’all!
My daily record was 148 hits. Today (well, yesterday now) ‘We’ hit 147! I was on pins an’ needles! “C’mon! Do it! Do it England!” (Where were my Brits?) And Yes! I stole that line from “Hamlet’. Claudius did speak it better. But I just knew we ‘had’ it this time! *alas* We trailed in at … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter One
The Lamp is broken on the mantle.
(You’ll have to scroll down)
Must I do ever’thang?
Snow, Texas (NO) Power & Light, Abusive Muse: True Love of My Life, All Mish-Mashed Together. Snow Ice-Cream Anyone? I’m buyin’.
Y’all think shit is bad today? Let’s take a stroll down memory lane shall we? Continue reading
Cowboys And Cowgirls And Muses, OH Why?!
Why would she not marry me?
I have no idea.
We could’ve lived happily ever’ after her.
Maybe not. At least twould not have been boring. Continue reading
Dead Reckoning, Abusive Muse: This is the End
Missing!
Life Sucks! Continue reading
Farewell Forevermore To My Best Ever Friend: My Abusive Muse. I am Sad, But Also Happy
Still missing her. Continue reading
HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back
We be rimshot reminisce an’ shit. Continue reading
Delirium Tremens Man Showed. And This Time He Wasn’t Playin’
Since DT Man and I are about to get ‘re-acquainted’
Thot I’d re-post this Continue reading
This Boat Is Sinking
Bail’s In
Water’s out.
Try to remember that Gents. Continue reading
Thought I’d re-post this for all my Brit Friends Out There: “Now I know why London Bridge Fell Down”
This post needs more love (for personal reasons I’d rather not disclose) Continue reading
“Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.”–W. Shakespeare
Today 05 SEP 2021
Fifty Years it’s been.
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.
Today, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.
–A.E. Housman
Continue reading
Rent – A – Sailor: Part One
We were steaming along in the South Pacific one day when word came down the pike that we had new orders to sail to Sydney. Continue reading
Litigiousness
Repost prompted by a friend.
She knows.
She gets it.
Question is…
Will she read it?
I give it 30/70.
70 to the ‘no’ Continue reading
UBH: Cast of Caricatures
Recycling is good for the planet.
Therefore…
I submit this recycled thing
Be Kind
Rewind Continue reading
No Ordinary Love
“I’d Give You The World if it Were Mine.” Continue reading
MUSIC BINGO
They threw a lot of “Mental Health Professionals” at us in Denton. They all had some “Game.” One of the more enjoyable “Games’ we played at UBH Denton was “Music Card Bingo.” Sorta like “Name That Tune” For Broken PPL As you can see, I did quite well. It actually was FUN. We truly all … Continue reading
UBH Beach Ball Bingo (And Waiting On The Bus)
An hour or two before I was scheduled to depart UBH, Brenda, the Ornamental Chinese Psychiatrist began a group session. She was carrying a rather large over inflated white beach ball with words scribbled all over it: Statements, questions, ponderings, et cetera. “Hello everyone, ready for a new session?” She cheerfully greeted all at Our … Continue reading
A UBH Post Continuation Teaser
I met a young broken woman while at Rehab. (Hell! We were all ‘broken.’ Otherwise how the fuck did WE ALL END UP IN THIS PLACE??) Let us call her name, “Kelsey” (Because that was probably her name) Once while KNEE deep in some dark philosophical discussion she looked me dead in my eye and … Continue reading
Short UBH Bit Saga Continued
Reposting this for a friend. She knows who she is. Continue reading
Abusive, Pissed Off Severely, Majorly Pissed Off Muse
She came home.
Now I am properly fucked.
Now I have to work/write/live right
PARTY’S OVER.
SHIT Continue reading
Roach Motel
My Life on Rinse and Repeat Continue reading
Gnat Pool Party
The Gnats are Back! Now… where did I put that DDT? Bobbie? Reach me the DDT Girl! Continue reading
Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket
This Post is a Continuation of a Promise I made to Me (And to Y’all, Gentle Readers) to write about Sinai Field Mission. For brevity’s sake (The Soul of Wit), I am breaking it down into snippets. To catch the back story, actually the forward story, please go here: “No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” … Continue reading
Life Lesson Learned: Don’t Go Around Kicking Sinai Spiders (Uh, This One Ain’t No Re-Run. It be brand-spankin’ New)
Respect The Spider’s Space and Right to be Left-the-Hell-Alone Continue reading
Woe To The Wheeless Wheelbarrow
Call in the dogs.
Piss on the fire.
We dun he’ah. Continue reading
Hotel California. Uh, I mean Hotel Indigo: LaSheeka
Not LaSheeka (‘Sheeka’ is much more attractive and fiercer) but damn close. (LaSheeka was the Night Manager) One night she got pissed off (she had a hair-trigger—I loved her for that) “Why don’t you just get a fucking job?!” (She Screamed at some pan-handler at Hotel Indigo late one night.) I just walked away, but … Continue reading
Indigo Girls Chapter One: Jenna
TT&H is Goin’ Green.
Therefore: We Recycle.
So do your part.
Get Onboard The Green Train.
And support yer local moron–that would be me.
Cheers! Continue reading
The Basra Bugman Revisited.
Fallback Friday Yet another repost.
Sorry. Continue reading
Hey! Did You Happen to See…The Most Beautiful Girl In The World?
There was a brief moment back in the very early Seventies when we all (most of us) took a brief break from being ‘so cool’ and ‘so hip’ and ‘just so many assholes.’ All the ‘Beautiful’ people fell head over heels in-love with a really geeky girl. And we were all so much the better … Continue reading
Karen? (Nice to Know Somebody Loved Me) Once or Twice. I Always Loved YOU Karen
I don’t like spiders and snakes. But I do love Karen, Karen Carpenter. Video Credit: “Carpenters” Carpenters Duh! Karen? Why? Oh why? Why did you leave us? Karen! Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? I suppose you were broken As am I But I am still Alive! … Continue reading
Doctors Piss Me Off
While I was ‘out-processing’ in Fort Worth Texas to go to Kandahar back in 2011, I had this conversation with the DynCorp Doc. It was on a Monday morning: Doctor asked me, “Did you attend a big drinking ‘going away party’ last night?” “Nope” I lied. (I never need an excuse to drink me under … Continue reading
Emails From Afghanistan: Stop The War! I’m Gettin’ Off. (The Ghost of Freud Loves Me.)
I probably recently re-posted this one as well.
Screw it.
I am doing ‘inventory’ and looking for posts to delete.
Savin’ some bandwidth.
As it were.
Cheers. Continue reading
And Here, Find Here: A Final Throw-Back: “Lost Wages” I need a Sabbatical
Since I have decided to give my disease another go at me, I thought this appropriate. Continue reading
Throw-Back: She’s Not Here (She Was Too Busy Fucking Her boyfriend I Found Out Later) Did Not Actually Break My Heart—I Gave Zero Fucks, In Fact… Fuk Her. Though I LOVED Her! With All of me! I just wanted her to be proud of me
Did I recently re-post this?
Oh Well.
Some may not have seen it.
I miss My NAVY
Sometimes I miss my first wife.
But that passes. Continue reading
“Just One More Year/Beer? And Then I’ll Be Happy?” Talk Comes Cheap.
This seems lately popular (again).
Never sure why. Continue reading
Just Another Example Of How I Tempt Fate With My Abusive Muse
Just En-Case Y’all didn’t Fallow-the-Yellow Brick Road…. Continue reading
Already Second Thoughts
Yes. Yes. I know what I said (wrote).
And I was sober when I wrote it.
And I meant ever’ word.
When I wrote it.
But….. Continue reading
Naked Writing
Uh OH! Truth Alert Malfunction Junction! Continue reading
UnderWater Skiing
One of the things (Life’s simple pleasures)–one of the things I derive the most pleasure from–is making people laugh. Usually at me, but my longevity is continued because I never, ever take me, Lance, too seriously. Hope you will read (or re-read) this one. It happened just as I described it. This Bit is somewhat … Continue reading
“No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” (This is a ‘Re-Constructed Old Post.’ No Alcoholic Beverages Were Harmed, Nor Consumed While Operating The Requisite Heavy Machinery For The Successful Completion of This Project)
I grew into manhood in the Sinai Desert: 1977-1980. Missed out on Disco, but it was damn well worth it. Who needed Disco anyway? I served a ‘higher’–figuratively and literally–‘calling’. What you may choose to read below is the first installment of a personal history I am determined to write about the men and women … Continue reading
Hello Minefield In The Sand
(Sung to Neil Young’s “Cowgirl in the Sand”) To an Unfeeling Landmine So Sorry Neil This spontaneous post is a follow up to the frivolous one below *********** Hello Minefield in the Sand Is this place at your command? Can I live here just a while? Can I pass your sweet, sweet style? Not old … Continue reading
Throw-Back Thursday: “If You Don’t Mine, It Don’t Matter”
There is sand in the Sinai Desert. Lots of sand. There is wind in the Sinai Desert. Lots of wind. There are landmines in the Sinai Desert. Lots of landmines, some dating back to the ’56 war. Most of them are still functional. Continue reading
Something About Carly
Probably the no bra. JUST KIDDING! OKAY. I lied. Honestly, I think it was the hat. OK. I just lied again. It was most def, the bra-less-ness. There! I fess’d up. We good now? There is just something about a poor little rich girl, with her hair blowin’ in the breeze at Martha’s … Continue reading
Pygmalion-Like I Created Her & Then Fell In Love With Her
Last one. Now I’m done. And it has occurred at me: I never ‘gave’ her a Proper Name. I am gonna go with ‘Katherine.’ Works for me (And Hopefully, Her) I was at my computer, banging out my latest travesty of prose. As Was instructed/demanded by MS Muse. Finished it and hit The ‘Publish’ Button. … Continue reading
‘en anglais’
Redundant, but I LOVE Her. Emma Continue reading
This is Just Too Good: Henry V
This too (not so much about women) Not my painful, plainful verbiage, but … Derek What a modern science actor! (And a really swell guy) “Lance, there you go again…” “Sorry! On with the show!” “Oh for a muse…of fire!” **************** I love Shakespeare. I love words. I love the simple fact that the only … Continue reading
HANK SANK
I generally write only about women. This time I made (half) an exception. One more silly Facefuk post: “The below ‘Independence Day’ speech was lifted right out of ‘Henry V’ (Or ‘Hank Cinq’—as I like to call it) Saint Crispin’s Day: The Battle of Agincourt Watch Le Both (If you are a film buff) But … Continue reading
When The Men On The Chessboard Get Up & Tell You Where To Go…
Mental Health Reasons Continue reading
UBH Chapter Two
So, after the ‘checking in’ process was sorted, I was led into the ‘Community Room’ and parked there. “Wait! Where is the help I was promised?” “The doctor will be about shortly” “Okay. I’ll wait.” I sat down in the corner and observed the people—my fellow in-mates. The whole group seemed to be rather lethargic. … Continue reading
Denton UBH Day One: Stepping Through The Door
I suppose it’s time. Time to ‘revisit’ this. (At least the music is good) Continue reading
Poem For “Ethel”–Fake Name–UBH: Interlude
Or…. Why is the rum gone? Black Hair Black Eyes Bright Smile Great Thighs Wily Words From Her Mouth Gave No Pause Left No Doubt Words Delivered With Such Charm Better Watch Out You’ll Be Disarmed Your Walls Came Crashing Down Your Weapons On The Ground She Was Standing There (Laughing At My … Continue reading
“Calgon, Take Me Away!”
I love to be catagor-sized Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part XIII: “La Jolla: Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous” or “My Beautiful Fair Mystery Lady Wrapped in an Enigma”
I repost this only for Audrey.
And of course for Shonnie:
That one that got away…. Continue reading
The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem…
Therefore, here I go: “Problem? I haven’t got a problem. I’ve got fucking problems. Plural.” -Tim Roth (I think) But for my purpose here tonight, I wish to discuss just the one. (It is My Blog after all, ain’t it?) My ‘Tonight’s Problem’ concerns the fascination I hold for Lenny Bruce. Now, for those of … Continue reading
Tonight Tonight!
Premise of a Promise I keep trying to fulfill Continue reading
The Daily Lenny: How Hitler Got Started
Please Find Below, The Daily Lenny: “How Hitler Got Started” (Some Little Known Facts About The Young Adolf) More Lenny Stuff: Daily Lenny 27 March Daily Lenny 26 March Lenny Problem Thank You For Listening
Daily Lenny, Lenny Comes Clean Part Two: Plus Sarah and The Lone Ranger
Hi Kids! Here is part two of yesterday’s Daily Lenny. Now… I just know you will enjoy (and comment) Video Credit: GuerrillaDivision Thank You Masked Man! And after some soul searching and some ‘Google’ effort, I found this from Our Favorite Woman Here’s Sarah! More Sarah and Lenny Here: http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/ And, as always, Thanks for Your … Continue reading
Daily Lenny: God’s Obscenity
“We know you; we’ve seen you like this before. It is over, or is it just beginning?” Continue reading
The Greatest Story Ever Sold
Read at your own annoyance. Wordpress is broken. Not MY FAULT. ME NO ALAMO Continue reading
My Mother The Car
Sometime shortly after I mustered out of the U.S. Navy… I found me suddenly in need of a car, a vehicle, a mode of transport Continue reading
FIERCEST LINEBACKER IN THE HISTORY OF LINEBACKERS: Dick Butkus, The Maestro of Mayhem
I was a linebacker when I played school-boy football for the Honey Grove Warriors (1970’s) I was good at it I tried to be as fierce as Dick Butkus. I came close, but never quite made it. No one could have. Back when pro football was worth watching: “MOBY DICK IN A GOLDFISH BOWL” This … Continue reading
FOOTBALL! The Stuff That Makes Dreams
Welcome to My World (Used to be) Continue reading
Y’all
All The Y’alls Continue reading
William Henry
TEXAS FOREVER Continue reading
Threw Back Up Thursday: Kinky
“Me No Alamo” Just some silly-ness from my immature Blogging Past. (I do hope I have ‘matured’ somewhat since April, but I doubt it) Don’t try to judge me; take some grains of salt. Just kids havin’ fun. *** Now, for all y’all Texans out there in Radio Land, this Man needs no introduction: The … Continue reading
I Was So Scared… I Always Wet My Pants Ever’time I Got Arrested
More Molly. Politeness Prolly gonna get arrested for copyright’en violations But, Y’all know what? Ya caint get blood out of a turnip. Hope you enjoy. Will write some more original shit soon. But here is more Molly: H.Ross Perot; Texans I Admire And related: Kinky Cheers, Y’all
In My Tireless Effort: Or… History Repeats. You Choose.
For Balance: Louisiana Continue reading
Lyndon Johnson, Just Another Schmuck Lookin’ Out for His Nuts
Yes. A Repost. If you do nothing else, please scroll down and listen to the clip. It is hysterical (and real) Even better. Cheers Y’all and Happy Saturday Oops! Sunday (is it?) *** Lyndon Baines Johnson Texan, Father, School Teacher, Rancher, & Much Maligned 36th President of The United States of America. I love … Continue reading
California on my Mind But Texas Always in my Heart
GTT More Texas Less California Loved it. Hated it. Few decades ago I could truthfully say, “Hey! I’ve spent half my life in California.” (See This Or This) Now I can say, “Hey! I’ve spent most of my life in Dangerous Desolate Places.” (Middle East & East Texas) That worm did turn some. (Go Here or … Continue reading
Hearts are like assholes; ever’one got one
Do NOT READ THIS Continue reading
May I speak honestly (for a moment?) Don’t get accused/accustomed/used to it. It will be fleeting
Y’all know how I bang on and on and ON about TEXAS in general, and Texas Women in particular. (Kinda hard to miss) My point, the one I am trying to make. Is this: I am cognizant. Of my failings. I know, for me, Texas is a vain fantasy. But it is all I have. … Continue reading
Early Thursday TB: ‘TA’ Does Not Always Mean ‘Tits an’ Ass’
I cannot find my Gladys Lehanni Post. Give me time… Arrived Tel Aviv one afternoon Late ‘78. Soon to be Stoned, Dazed and Confused and Somewhat Abused. One of my fellow SFM drivers, Perry, a good bud of mine, had convoyed with me through the Sinai Desert and into TA. Each of us driving deuce … Continue reading
I Want Another Jewish Princess
I should NOT go HERE! Reminiscing about my rebound lover from my living in Israel days… After That Moroccan Bitch Gladys had dumped me, I found a new, better girl. Her name was ‘Alanna’ And she was beautiful—very, very, VERY beautiful. First time I saw her I was smitten like a kitten. She had very … Continue reading
TEXAS WOMEN
“That’s right; you’re not from Texas.” You have my sympathy. (Credit: Dating Beyond Borders) All the beautiful women still left in California who haven’t yet moved to Texas are just busily packing their bags. (Give them some time—they are on their way) But they gonna have a lot of competition: We have indigenous beautiful women … Continue reading
Happy, Positive, Upbeat Stuff To Lift Your Spirits
This will brighten your day. I promise. But, no money back. All ‘sails’ final. “I’m Just Livin’ On Things That Excite Me.” Because I am a ‘Cock-eyed Optimist. And ‘Life is a Cabaret.’ “Let The World Be Your Oyster.” The proverb first appeared in Shakespeare’s play ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’ published in 1602. In … Continue reading
Nashville, The Unrequited Life
Must Watch!!! If this is not the sexiest video, I will eat my varnished boots. (Yes, I am a ‘fan’ of Connie Britton as well) The singer in this vid, (Clare Bowen) in case Y’all don’t know, is Aussie. Just some Wiki there atcha. Hope you enjoy. And of course… Y’all have to read my comments. … Continue reading
Yep! Shit-Posting! Indians!
Hope you enjoy…. Louisiana And the music Found here or here (Gotcha!) A co-worker in Iraq once told me I was as this guy.(I considered this high praise.)
Lance, You Lie: Chapter Four
“Aren’t you ashamed?”
“No. I’m not.” Continue reading
Lance, You Lie: Chapter Six
Skipping ahead to the ‘juicy’ bits…. Continue reading
Lance, You Lie: Chapter Three
So we set about the business of selling marijuana in earnest while looking for a way to increase our volume to meet the ever-increasing demand in Lake Charles. The first order of business was to find a pilot. As I was the ‘behind-the-scenes-guy,’ Kim took on this assignment. I knew that if there were … Continue reading
Lance, You Lie (Chapter Two)
Chapter Two of Fiction (Chapter One Here) The apartment was a very busy place. I could not figure out who was actually living there and who was just hanging out. There were certainly a lot of people about all the time. Guys and gals would just come walking in at all hours as if they … Continue reading
Lance, You Lie Redux, Or “Dark-Eyed Ragin’ Cajun Woman”
For Louisiana
This post needs more affection Continue reading
Just Who Do You Think You Are?
This below was inspired by a post from a blogger I much admire: Abby of Abby Has Issues fame: writer, published author, blogger, self-described sarcastic (and inspiring–my words) wench. Ed. note June 2021: The link to Abby provides nothing. She musta left town. I can certainly relate. Thank you Abby (Wherever you are finding yourself … Continue reading
More Liz (And Dick)
No profit grows where is no pleasure taken; in brief, sir, study what you most affect. Continue reading
The Flat-Bed Truck and The Pastel Sun-Dress
Thou talks of Nothing. ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! PITY PARTY WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER! “NO BARE FEET BEYOND THIS POINT! (THIS MEANS YOU!) And Here is a news flash for you Marcom: Ronnie Died about fifty year ago. Get the fuck over it! “Golly Gosh, My Lord. I am tryin’ to… but you … Continue reading
She is So Great
Yeah, I am in my “Women I love Mode.”
Spring Clinging
My Blog is no longer an aversion Nor a version of a virgin Therefore, since I am leaving soon (Insha’Allah.. Joke: probably get killed for that one–Y’all know who I am here and on which side I fall upon–Atheist) I am not for lack of a term: ‘an Evangelical Atheist’. I do not care what … Continue reading
Aw Hell! Thursday is Coming: “Don’t Rain Shit On My Parade”
The version I wanted, but WordPress is stupid. “Three A.M., it’s me again.” Three A.M. and I was in the middle of a dream about ‘Shit River’ in Ologapo City, Philippines. (Freud would’ve loved me) Then I woke up. Woke up to a very un-dreamy-like smell of real shit. Real potent shit. Horrible smelling shit. … Continue reading
Minnow Madness
One time during an “outing” to my Marcom 40 acre plot of land (the one with the three ponds–two smallish, one largish), I was with Peanut, Gene, Preston, Okry, and Sherri Taylor (not sure how she came to tag along with us, but there she was, among us—providing eye candy. For she was so stunningly … Continue reading
Well… We Done Screwed The Pooch (UPDATED! May 9th: New Videos)
G’Dammit! I LOVE TEXAS! Continue reading
Leaf Lady, Brick Walls, Jaguar Engineering, And Driving While Blind
Leaf Lady was seriously raking leaves in the midst of a thirty-knot wind across the street from my house. Every time she managed to accumulate a pile the wind would sweep them away. (Leaf Lady looks almost exactly like ‘Granny’ from the Beverly Hillbillies–and probably about the same age) “Goddamn Mother-Fuck!” she would scream as … Continue reading
“I like it Stripey” or if you will, “Chardonnay! Take me Away!”
This is a tale of two blogs. Or perhaps a blog of two tales. Or perhaps… “More matter with less art” may be apropos here. Indeed Gertrude! (This post will surely go ‘viral’. Which by my standards simply means, ‘Six will read it. Three will ‘like’ it, and one will comment on it. Yep. ‘Viral’) … Continue reading
Arabia (Amman, Chapter The First) “Maggie”
Jordan How many women have I loved (and lost)??? Better Dust off that TI Calculator I worked in Amman Jordan for six months.(Parsons/Bechtel evacuated Iraq at the end of our project—USAID Rural Water Project) We had completed all the ‘on-the-ground’-work.Nothing left to do but finalize the paper-work.We could do this in Jordan. It was ‘safer‘ … Continue reading
Daily Lenny: A Perverse Act, Pissing in the Sink
C’mon Guys (and Gals) fess up: Have you ever pissed in a sink?
I know I have. Continue reading
Please Don’t Shit in my Showers (a revisit)
The Jordanians are coming: Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t comphy, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do not complain.
They are Marines. Continue reading
Lance!@ Lance! LANCE! at a Glance! Lance!
Lance. Lance!! “Lance!!! Wake The Fuck UP!!”
Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory Regret…)
Last weeping willow Madelyn post Continue reading
Not The Waltons
For My Sister Continue reading
“How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?”
I still miss her. “Maria” (And some guy) Madelyn & Me! Me & Madelyn! On-The-Stage! Stars! She & Me! Me & She! We had to share The Spotlight, but “The Play” Was always about HER Not Me As it should be. ******* She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’ “Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa … Continue reading
In Need of a Soft Woman
Linda is so beautiful. A treasure to be treasured. I feel really sick. I am not well. I wish now more than ever that I had a Good Woman to lay (I know ‘lay’ is not the proper word but I will not fuck up the song with Grammar Police Bullshit) down beside me, wrap … Continue reading
You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy
“I Love and Admire You Dorothy.Always Have.Always Shall. You are an American Icon.” She invented that “Sopwith Camel Hamill” Move! *** “And Thank You For Being My Teenage Fantasy Crush” –Lance So Much Class! So Much Class! And Oh So Very Very Beautiful & Talented! And Charming! Vid Cred: Wat Bradford (Bravo Wat! Brilliant Choice … Continue reading
Agnetha! Please!
Take a Chance on Me! I will worship You! Every Day! You will be my QUEEN! My Dancing One! **** This Vid NEVER Grows Old for Me. (And I am an ‘Old Fuck!’) Can’t take my eyes off of you… Agnetha! “You’re just too good to be true!” Had to ‘add’ this. Why? Because this … Continue reading
Haulin’ Hay For Fun & Profit
It’s been a while since I have written about Peanut, but he has been on my mind of late. A few of us in Honey Grove during the Seventies, not being afraid of hard work and also not being afraid of making good money would haul hay during the summers, brutal hot honest work. This … Continue reading
True Grit Redux
This is, I think the third post I ever published. Thought I would resurrect it for some who may not have seen it, as it is buried deep in the archives. And not that it is particularly that good, but is is all I have, waiting on Thursday… (And because I am working on a … Continue reading
Shoot at me, You Sumbitch. You Caint Hit Shit!
My childhood was kinda messed up. “Between the lines of photographs I’ve seen the past. It isn’t pleasing.” -Janis Ian Continue reading
Frogicide: Is This a Capital Offense?
I may have buried the lead on this one. (Along with the frog) **** When I hear songs, they lead me into other songs, which lead me into more songs, and then inevitably, they collide, atom like, and split into even further songs, and therein lies that rub. Yet in the currency of life, well… … Continue reading
SEAL Training: Psych Eval
While stationed at Great Mistakes (Errrr…Great Lakes) Naval Training Command, I did my due diligence and qualified for BUD/s (Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training in Coronado, California) After passing the physical physical and clearing all the other stuff (mostly based upon my ASVAB scores and my ability to swim like a dolphin), A Final Task … Continue reading
Running in Soft Sand: SEAL Training Part Three. But Truthfully More Alternate Stuff (I’ll Write Another ‘Proper’ BUD/s Post Soon)
I actually know this meme-guy: he was an Instructor in BUD/s Class 158. I was there. A BUD/s Instructor, i.e., a ‘Demigod’ Or… Alternate Titles: “Lance’s Ramblings from his 115th Dream Stream” (Sorry Bob) “Call me if they die.” ‘Semi Consciousness Streams of Conscientiousness’ ‘ Raining upon My Hit Parade’ ‘Nights in White Satin’ – … Continue reading
Running in Soft Sand: Part Two
The Below is Somewhat of a Rant Interlude (before I get to the rest of my story): Read at Your Own Annoyance. ***** But before you do that, perhaps you may want to visit here, and watch the video while there, and maybe even read here. *** I have a lot to say. About Navy SEALs. … Continue reading
Running In Soft Sand: Intro
Zero Four. Alarm going off! I knock it off the nightstand. It whimpers for an instant and then grows silent.
Four o’clock!?
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Where am I?
Who am I? Continue reading
Christmas Camp Wolfe, Iraq 2007
(Yes. I miss Iraq) One time while on R&R in Commerce with Roberta I hatched a plan. Since Parsons never seemed willing nor able nor wanted to… To recognize the great work and sacrifice My Men were providing in the service of The Mission, we were blowing up Saddam’s unexploded bombs so that they would … Continue reading
Missing The Most Interesting Man In Iraq
Bob (The Most Interesting Man in Iraq) is my life-long frin… I miss his dumb ass (and ‘dumb-ass’ is a term of endearment where I come from) If one is lucky, really lucky, one meets maybe one, two, or three or four people in life that transcend funny. Bob is one such ‘transcendent’ lucky for … Continue reading
The Happiest Year of My Life Remembered
The news of late from CNN foretells the fall of Anbar Province and of Baghdad. I spent one year working in Anbar Province. This was the happiest (on record) year of my life. I am attaching a video and yes it is corny, and yes, the music is somewhat ‘gay’, and no, this was not … Continue reading
How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment.
“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.” Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size. Madelyn My Sister (step-sister) was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed … Continue reading
Mandy’s of the World: Steer Clear of Lance Marcom! (Trust Me On This Ladies)
OH MANDY! WHERE ARE YOU NOW?! Typical, Representative of The ‘Mandy’ Species (In My Humble Experience Anyway) It has been my life’s experience that ALL women named ‘Mandy’ are good and decent people: Sweet and kind–if only just a little too innocent and blind. (to life’s Harsh Realities….) But without that, that innocence, they would … Continue reading
I need to find something else to do… with my hands
Yet one more cunt. (sorry) That “C-word” is just wrong. some lovely lady… Just called me. wanting money. I invited her to fuck off. She was not amused. She was try— to do her job. She hung up on me.. Cannot imagine why.
“It’s Getting To The Point…
I play fast and loose with English. It is a writing style. Look it up. I love. Nevermimind. …where I’m no fun anymore.” “I am sorry.” Then This: Do not worry: I don’t do drugs. As Janis once said, “I am a juicer.” New edit: Steven Stills!
“Lions and Tigers and Drunks, Oh My!”
I’d like to teach Y’all something about alcoholics.
We are not stupid Drunks. Continue reading
How Much Longer
Do I have to listen to the over caffine ass hole on CNN?
For A Moment
She spoke through my window Continue reading
Read This: is this moi me? (Or why not me? Who Else?)
I had to see if the world was round. Still Thursday, eh? and yeah: I edit as I go… **** Picking up from the last half-chapter… Matt, Rogers, and I were in Viva Young. I had been smitten. But the ‘Smite –her’ was elusive, so Matt and I retired to the pool tables. Me hoping … Continue reading
Oh Why Not?!
I can always delete it later. Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “This is (NOT) The End” or “I Heard You Been Layin’ My Old Lady”
The three Harleys were gaining on me as I sped southbound down Interstate Five. It was still dark and the traffic was light. I floored the pedal on the Toranado, but I knew they would eventually catch up to me. Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “Denouement” or “You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams”
Alternate Title: “Fairy-Tales can come true; it can happen to you if you’re young at heart… and stupid and credulous and careless and think you’re bulletproof.”
But be forewarned: They are fleeting, ephemeral, transitory.
“You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams, if you’re young at heart.”
I’m callin’ ‘Bullshit’ on that statement.
Continue reading
The Marine
I still love her Unlike… Not too pretty I still love August 26, 2021 From my recent posts on facefuck: I have been asleep for the past eight hours. I am scrambling to catch up. Marines are dead? WTF has happened? Marines are dead? What happened? Sailors (Me) and Marines (them) oil and water. But … Continue reading
Melanie!
Did I write this?? Really? Why??? What was I thinking??? The more I discover about this woman, the more I fall in fantasy love with her. She is so fucking charming. She captivates and fascinates. My God! But she is a beautiful woman! And she can sing en français! And MOST Important: She WRITES. “Mel, … Continue reading
“I’m as Real As Real CaN gET”
I do not know how many more times I have to say this.
My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen
was a sailor… not now No Words. I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons. “With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke … Continue reading
My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen
No Words. I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons. “With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke scours the state’s singers and … Continue reading
A Raccoon’s Tale
I raised a raccoon once. His name was Leroy, Leroy Rastus. Raised him from a cub I did. His eyes were recently newly opened and I fed him from a baby bottle. A local rancher in Honey Grove had killed his mama while Coon-Hunting one night and he brought all her cubs home. The next … Continue reading
Charley The Cougar
I love Pussy I like Critters And Varmints And Ants And Spiders And Crud Eaters And Dogs And Cats, especially Big Cats The Summer of ’77 (sounds like a movie title) I was living in Lake Charles with one of my best friends from high school, his Girl Friend, a Vietnam Vet (who did three … Continue reading
He Went to Paris: I can smell the Darkness
Yet another one do not read! And he went to England; played the piano, married an actress named “Kim:”… She was a good wife… ‘I’ loved her. This is a continuation, albeit a flashback, to my story of Janet and Random Memories from The Middle East. Months before the events inked here, here, here, and … Continue reading
On The Street Where I Lived: School Days
Scrool’d daze. Part Three in a Continuing Series Part One & Part Two **** The school I attended from Fourth through Sixth Grade segregated the kids into three classes: High Aptitude, Medium Aptitude, Low Aptitude. Of course my buddies and I had our own names for these three ‘Classes’: “Smart Kids” (us), “Dumb Kids”, and … Continue reading
Continuation of ‘On The Street Where I Lived’
“Pyro Manic” is just a scare word. This is essentially Part Two of an earlier post: On The Street Where I Lived **** Ricky Martinez and I were pyromaniacs. Okay, that may be an overstatement, but we did love burning shit and building fires, albeit small ones. During the Sixties on Bruning Street every back … Continue reading
On The Street Where I Lived
All the houses on Bruning Street were brand new. And they were all alike. But their alikeness did not dampen my spirits, especially since mom and I had left the moldy old garage apartment across town. I had finally escaped that place and the Ghost of that Murdered Turkey. Continue reading
“A Queendom! A Queendom! My Horse For A Queendom!
This is stupid. Read it if you have no life. When I was a young teen, freshly discovering the Joys of Puberty, I had an Ant Farm. (Early Puberty does strange things to Not quite still Boys, but not quite Yet Men.) Not one of those green and clear plastic toy ant farms. Oh, Hell … Continue reading
“Not Like Going Down The Pond Chasing Blue Gills Or Tommy Cats”–Quint
I sent this to “Texas Monthly.” Rag Mag. They were not impressed. Go figger…………….. Ed. Note: This has been updated with the Ending “Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure. Consider also the devilish … Continue reading
What’s it all about, Alfie?
“Do you have a point?” “Yes.” “What is it?” Pregnant pause. “So, you don’t have a point?” “Uh….” “When you discover your point, get back to me. If you want me, I’ll be in the bar.” If you don’t…. listen…. Joni…. N/M I’ve grow weary of beating this dead horse.
Abusive Lovely Muse–Chapter Two
I sat down and starting writing. Muse was over my shoulder, massaging my hurting neck. “What are you doing?” I asked. “My Job, Musing.” “Knock it off! I am trying to work here.” “Jesus! Relax.” “Why don’t you sit down? I don’t need a spider looking over my shoulder.” She looked a bit hurt and … Continue reading
The Abusive Muse
Just “musing for a perusin’ bruisin’” ‘WAKE UP!” “Whaaaa?” “Wake the fuck UP!” “Who are you?” “Your Muse.” “Oh, I thought You That Delirium Tremens Monster.” “No. He will be around later. Right now you have me.” “Okay. Something on your mind?” “Yes. You need to get up and write.” “I am sleepy.” “Time enough … Continue reading
Farewell Forevermore To My Best Ever Friend: My Abusive Muse. I am Sad, But Also Happy
(I miss my muse) *previous* Farewell To My Best Friend: The Abusive Muse This pains me to write. “Kate, We were only Yesterday. Now we are…” Today, and Yesterday, and Tomorrow. “I love you, and I Thank You.” Karen Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? Some of … Continue reading
Life (and wimmen) are/is–is/are Like a Hurricane
There is a hurricane bearing down on Louisana. (Those folks just cannot catch a break) It has been my ‘experience’ that women are just like hurricanes. They come in all sound and fury, then leave me wondering what have I just experienced? Lived through. In a week…. I’ll be in Parayee. I must confess. I … Continue reading
My Friend Jimmy
I miss him Marv Much. Since I am in “Peanut Mode” tonight, I thought I would post this excerpt from a very ‘early-in-my-blogging days’ post regarding same, in the vain hope some would read the bits in their entirety: Sharking, Campin’, Bow-Fishin’. Seems to me we sometimes realize far too late the true value of … Continue reading
I am gonna repost this for two reasons:
It’s a Shakespeare kind of day. Ok?? One: because I missed Thursday (Probably because I was in a coma) Two: because I can. And here is the bonus: Because I miss Jimmy ‘Peanut’ Piland. ***** “I dreamt a dream tonight.” “And so did I.” “Well, what was yours?” “That dreamer’s often lie.” “…In bed asleep … Continue reading
Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife
I was sorely missing Texas and though I was never what one might call ‘A Hardcore Country Music Fan’, I was feeling nostalgic. So I bought me some Nocona’s, a Stetson, Wrangler’s, some shirts with snaps, a string tie, and off I went, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places Continue reading
Phone Rings
I answer (because I am bored) Hello? Clik. I call back. Hello? Is this Lane Marco Um? Maybe. I am trying to help him. Who? Lane. Uh… Lane? He there? Where you from? Your accent speaks Ologapo. Is Lane home? Who? Lane. Uh… Lane. May I speak? Sure. Speak. Lane??? Lane no here. Where he? … Continue reading
This Stupid
I fucked up
“Put Your Money On The Table And Drive It Off The Lot”
I am sick of me!! Seven or eight or 15 years or beers later— still a WIP! Who the Fuck Knew? Or would? Uh… Just to kick this off, Please watch to this bit to get y’all in the mood: Here is a ‘novel’ approach (Well not really for me) However maybe for Y’all: This … Continue reading
Writing
Nat Wood Continue reading
I have
I have a great story. It came to me in my dreams. I think it was about Afganistan. I Lost it. Maybe it will come back. But I doubt it. Until I sleep again.
My Writing, Self-Delusional Façade
(Have I Become boring?) *** Video Credit: Shea This was originally written for just one person, But in my vain vanity fantasy, I decided to ‘Shit-Post’ it here. (Because I am adrift at sea… And exhibiting my most hated characteristics: self-pity and self-loathing) These are gonna come off as some really vain, pompous questions, but questions … Continue reading
These Boots Ain’t Made For Walkin’
Read this and laugh at me. Shortly after I moved from Winnsboro to Honey Grove my grandmother decided it would be a grand idea for the two of us to take a road trip out west to Levelland, (“There is nothing in the desert and no man needs nothing.” –Lawrence of Arabia) which was her … Continue reading
Ha Ha Ha! Bet Y’all Never Seen This One (Coming)
And in truth: I never did either., I guess I wrote it back in some day. And he went to England; played the piano, married an actress maimed “Kim:”… She was a good wife… I loved her. This is a continuation, albeit a flashback, to my story of Janet and Random Memories from The Middle … Continue reading
Pain
Afg has brought me Pain Againe. Picking up from the last half-chapter… Matt, Rogers, and I were in Viva Young. I had been smitten. But the smite –her was elusive, so Matt and I retired to the pool tables. Me hoping to fleece him outta some beer money. He hoping for good conversation and Lance … Continue reading
The Best Wife (OK; she was not really all that–wife-wise)
Read this again. Humor me. I’ll add to it later. (Just as soon as she answers my emails) Martha was the best. Martha on Ernest: “He was about as useful as a stuffed squirrel.” Martha and Hem: “She was here,” I want to shout. “And she was extraordinary.” –Hem https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a22109842/martha-gellhorn-career-ernest-hemingway/ Clive Owen, Nicole Kidman star … Continue reading
This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’) edit; yeah, this is timely. Figger it out.
This old (Who ya calling “old” Asshole?) This old post needs more love. Mainly because of the girl. Which one? The Cuban one! Well, that kinda narrows it down some. Duh!!!! *** For A Post I have Bouncing About in My Head. Working Title: “Wonton America.” All Americans are “Want-Ones’ (You Have Probably Already Figured … Continue reading
I am supposed to be writing about ‘Macbeth’, but Liz Taylor has invaded my head and my heart.
I have no worthy words to describe her beauty Continue reading
Kitty Muster: Roll Call! Fall in! (You Pussys!)
Vid Cred: CatsCovers *** Had FiveCatsStand by… And I will tell you why. When I first met my soon to be third wife, (Shakespeare / Marlow Professor), She announced to the class, First Day of Class: “My Name is ‘Lisa,’ but you may address me as ‘Professor’, or ‘Doctor Lisa.’ “ She continued: “I have … Continue reading
The Funeral
I miss my goddmn cat Chap one here Chap two here Chap three here Vid Cred: drawnmap96 : Doctor Gary, The Vet, had been the one who had called to give me the unhappy news. He NEVER asked any of his staff to perform these kinds of unpleasant duties. He was a good boss and … Continue reading
For A Moment
She spoke through my window Continue reading
“Put Your Money On The Table And Drive It Off The Lot”
Seven or eight or 15 years or beers later— still a WIP! Who the Fuck Knew? Or would? Uh… Just to kick this off, Please watch to this bit to get y’all in the mood: Here is a ‘novel’ approach (Well not really for me) However maybe for Y’all: This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Most writers … Continue reading
Freedom’s Just Another Word for Nothin’ Left To Lose
And it FEELS SO GOOD! SO GODDAMN GREAT!!!
Continue reading
Pandora, The Most Beautiful Girl In The World…
Content cred: Julie Nolke *Ring Ring* “Hello? “Is this GOD?” (My Phone Was Glowing–Natural Assumption–I knew instinctively it was not The BatMan. As we have been ‘On The Outs’ Ever Since I accused him of Fucking ‘The Boy Wonder”–Long story) So, It must be God: He is the only one who ever calls me. *Pregnant … Continue reading
Here Comes a Rant: Stand By For Heavy Rolls As The Shit Comes About
And I claimed to hate The Eighties. I lied. To myself. (Yup. I changed the Title. It’s My Blog After All, Ain’t It?) The Eighties SUCKED Music-Wise (And Other-Wise) Wow! What a Bold Statement! “Yes, and I stand by it.” Now… Y’all, fess up! The Eighties were devoid of decent music, save a few, (Damn … Continue reading
The Marine
August 26, 2021 From my recent posts on facefuck: I have been asleep for the past eight hours. I am scrambling to catch up. Marines are dead? WTF has happened? Marines are dead? What happened? Sailors (Me) and Marines (them) oil and water. But Gd’damn it! Brothers/ sisters in arms. Fuck happened? I am struggling … Continue reading
Haulin’ Hay For Fun & Profit
Some liked this one as well. I supppppose they could relate. It’s been a while since I have written about Peanut, but he has been on my mind of late. A few of us in Honey Grove during the Seventies, not being afraid of hard work and also not being afraid of making good money … Continue reading
I am too lazy to edit this. Just watch it.
I have spilled a lot of virtual ink on Macbeth. Mostly on Lady Macbeth. Now I’d love to write on the entire movie. The Roman Polanski one. Of Macbeth. And I shall. Just as soon as I sober up. Stay tuned. But, in the meantime, take note of the genius that is Polanski: He makes … Continue reading
Christopher Hitchens: On The Suicide of His Mother
This seems to be popular. Of late. fuk it. Perhaps it is just the sign of the seasons…. Maybe we all want to commit suicide. Relinquish the world back to the roaches. Surely they could do no worse, management – wise. The below is transcribed from Hitch’s book “Hitch-22” *** …because most of what I … Continue reading
Some Years (and beers) Ago
I loved this game. Now I Do not. It has lost it’s magic. Somehow. This makes me sad. Because it is a metaphor…. Long lost and stupidly forgotten Can anyone say… “Afghanistan?” I can. Why? Because I “lived” there.
Women (I Know) I KNOW
This is stupid. But I repost it anyway. I write a lot about my relationships with women. Why? I don’t know. Or… perhaps I do know. It grows tiresome for most. (especially former Girlfriends/wives) This I know. I also know I have to write what I remember and know, and what I feel/felt, and knew. … Continue reading
Julie and Julia
This is one of the most charming movies from ‘semi recent’ times. It works on all levels. It is a delight to watch. P.S. I love Amy Adams. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. (Meryl Streep ain’t no slouch neither) And of course, this movie is all about ‘writing’ which hits so close to home for me, … Continue reading
Time!
I love my life, but I see it coming to a close soon. (I ain’t no spring chicken) I have lived a FULL LIFE. I have been around the Whurl (and the World) TWICE I HAVE LIVED! I AM so Very HAPPY Now. I have made PEACE with me. Now I just write. I love … Continue reading
Be’Cuz
Because I do care. (And I give a shit) ‘Bout my readers. Some of y’all (Who notice such things) Might wonder why. Why some of my posted (stolen) vids are in screen-capture form. Here is why: Sometimes, when I borrow (steal) a vid I get an Micro-Soft-Fuck-You Pop up. Explaining to the credulous me “You … Continue reading
Some May Ponder
Or wonder Why I never got around to writing about the film, The Red Balloon. One reason: It fucked me up. My Mother (RIP) Made me watch it. And I read the book as well. I think I was nine. Today we’d call that “child-abuse.” Back then we called it “Right of passage.”
Part Six of A Sailor’s Scholarly History of the South Pacific: Mary-Lou and Mama-San and Gainful Unemployment
Here is how bar fines are not designed to work:
You do NOT Lose it. (Your receipt)
You broke it; you bought it.
You hand over your receipt to your rental so she can leave you. Continue reading
Madness And Sadness And Gladness, (and Sorrowful Joy)
Trust me; I’m bona-fide Continue reading
Oldies But Goodies. Apropos Given Our Current Courant
“That’s Uncle Joe; he’s a movin’ kinda slow…” Continue reading
Texan in a Shoe Box
Fuk it! I like this post. And I have recently discovered a way to repost old shit. Good for me. Bad for you. Only accosted me 300 quid. Thank you WP! “This mornin…’ I shot six holes in my freezer. I think I got cabin fever. Somebody sound the alarm.“ Street Cred For Vid: Dennello … Continue reading
I love movies. Good Movies. I even love Bad Movies. The Horrible Ones Provide Fodder…
I hate what ‘Wokeness’ and Hollywood has done to my favorite art-form. All this bullshit below is most eloquently verbalized by The Critical Drinker. This Scotsman is a fuckin’ genius. And I am still just humble enough to recognize and acknowledge genius when it manifests. I wish Lance could do better. But, alas, he cannot. … Continue reading
This is a RANT. Please Don’t READ. You Will Think Less of Me if You Do
“It must be nice to know you’re the smartest person in the room.”
“No. It’s awful.” Continue reading
Lance Health Update: I think I’m Gonna Barf
Well…. That was passin’ fair… or fare. So there! “Well, that passed.” I love you Margie (Frances) ******* Condition (“I saw so much I broke My Mind.”)
Indigo Girl 2: Callen, “The One That Got Away.”
(I was in love with her) Probably still am CALLEN!My Girl!I wished upon a Star (But I Fell Too Far) Vid Share Cred: Louis De Nennie **** Not Callen, (Below) But almost a ‘Dead-Ringer’–Especially the Smile (Ed. Note: Callen Was / Is More Beautiful) “It’s pleasure to try ’em; it’s trouble to keep them.” “Breaks … Continue reading
TN is Underwater
Think this does not move me?? I still have PPL there. Just a GF, but yes! And…. No!
As I Grow Old, and Older…
I find me more an’ so much more a feminist. Now. This is a hard row to help, to how…. To Hoe As a Texan. but… Tis truthy… Yes! I am Tex And I lost her….. Because I was stupid! And our eyes did not see eye-to-eye. “Hazel eyes; she’s not too pretty…. but…. Goddamn … Continue reading
“Goin’ To The Chapel…”
Apparently marriage to me is not much more binding than a hand-shake. Continue reading
HEM. I am HiM! Oh Vain Vanity!
I am more a like of Hem than I care to admit. Let’s review: I am an alcoholic I am vain I am a control freak I am stupid I am a womanizer I am pathetic I am suicidal I am a hopeless romantic I have had four failed marriages I am nothing (I am … Continue reading
Texan Assholes
Or… to put it another way: “I was sick a’you a long time before that. You keep no check on your appetites… makes you not fit to live with.” –Melvin Douglas to Paul Newman “Hud.” A few of my favorite Texan Movie Clips in Honour of Texas Independence Day. (Not all of us are assholes) … Continue reading
Ode’ to Facebook…
She nailed it. My Beautiful Sister, Ann Marie Vancas, wrote this and posted it on Facebook. So naturally I had no qualms about stealing it. (I did ask her permission however) Seeing and reading into pieces of people’s lives….the musicians..the actors…artists…housewives…doctors…famous and the not so famous… The memes…the themes…the lives and the lies.. People crying..and people … Continue reading
I Grow Weary
And I am capsized… By…. I am so sick of ‘drive-by likers.’ They irritate me no end. I hate them. If you like a post…. Well, I appreciate it. If it is for real. And I love you. Love you marvelous much. But… If you just go to WP Reader and hit ‘like’ to indulge … Continue reading
“Anybody got a match?”
“Anybody got a match?” Yeah, I got a match: Bogie and Bacall. I have ‘swerved’ once more into Lauren ‘Bacal’ (Jewish spelling of her name before Hollywood COERCED her into changing it) and Bogie whirlwind of late. **** Lauren Bacall, who died Tuesday (Aug. 12) at 89, had mixed feelings about her Jewishness. In “By … Continue reading
I Gave it the Ol’ College Try
I tried real hard. Real hard. Real hard to watch this movie (one of my favorites) But I am a-feared… It does not age well. Guess I need to stick to Hemingway… VeryVeryVery Very loosely based on Hem. But L. Bacal is worth the price of admission. (BTW, the spelling is correct. She was ‘Bacal,’ … Continue reading
In The Tradition (The News Beat Goes On)
War Reporter Clarissa Ward (Kabul)
The Best Wife
Martha was the best. Martha on Ernest: “He was about as useful as a stuffed squirrel.” Martha and Hem: “She was here,” I want to shout. “And she was extraordinary.” –Hem https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a22109842/martha-gellhorn-career-ernest-hemingway/ Clive Owen, Nicole Kidman star in love story about Ernest Hemingway & Martha Gellhorn
Hem
“The way into understanding him is through the relationships with women in his life.” — Lynn Novick “I can’t imagine how toxic it must have been to have been around him.” –-Ken Burns. “I can easily imagine it.” —Lance Marcom “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that … Continue reading
Her
She had a porcelain snake about her upper arm. Long dark and coal hair. Black eyes that followed me about the room, lizard like. She was young, perhaps twenty. Her broken English was intriguing. Standing about five foot ten. Tall petite. She resembled the Cleopatra in my mind—Cleopatra in tight blue jeans and a halter … Continue reading
When
When I try to sleep Reaching for the arms of Morpheus;;; A thing comes into me head. Let us call it a ‘voice.” OLr a muse Yu choose’ There is a pint to this post. I’ll get to it. By and by… I stole this
As (Kinda) _Promised./ I am gonna write about writin,
Writing???? Writing about writing???? This is a joke, n/est-ce-pas?
As Promised (and foretold)
This Sucks Continue reading
This is a Tease. Don’t Sneeze. This is a Game. Wanna Play?
Cash prizes will be awarded. I promise. Stray Tuned… *** Clue and a Nickle. First the clue: Believe nothing. Now, the nickle. Believe nothing. Got it? Good. Now we may continue…. (here is a hint: and good advice) DON’T BET THE PONIES! The Gamey Game? You ask? Must you always ask? Trust me. I am … Continue reading
“Officer, I did NOT Fall OFF that Wagon; I was pushed. Arrest the push-er, not the push-ee.” Or, “I got tired of waking up on the freeway driving ninety.” Or, “This Post is Not the Post You Were Looking For…”
Fuck it.
I’ll edit it.
Later.
Maybe.
Maybe Later.
Or Not. Continue reading
More Shit That Makes Me Happy. Updated. Neeeeed it!
I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!! Maybe it will make you happy too Related Credit: Pharrell Williams Credit: Sam O’Nella You gots to be mo’ careful: Credit: Sam O’Nella Credit: Sam O’Nella Two More Bottles Of Wine Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!) Linda goes to … Continue reading
Shit Done Jumped Off (Again)–or–“Why do I have to keep writing about these things?”
Recent update: Upon some not-so-sober refection and some feedback, I just have to add, THIS: This post is, as said, stream of consciousness. Not much more to say. So, I just say, This post is fucked up. A journey into the nether. The nether reaches Of how my mind works. Or does not work. Don’t … Continue reading
“I Feel The Need for Speed!”-Bebe Daniels, Movie Star-Diva-Viva-Vixen-Vamp. Convict/Wife/Native Texan
Speed Girl was so Speedy
Speed Girl’s name was Bebe
Speed Girl hailed from Texas
She showed them how reckless
A Girl can become
If Dallas she’s from
“The Vomit Commenter’s Collection of Sad Commentary” or “How to Lose Your Readers in 4000 Words or Less”
Dear Readers,
This is a “HOT MESS” collection of some recent and some not-so-recent ‘normal’ comments and ‘vomit comments’ and some other weird shit that spills from my mind from time to time.
I’m Sorry. Continue reading
Jury Duty, Texas Style: A Re-Post
On the appointed day I dutifully showed up at the Hunt County Courthouse (in a borrowed car) along with about one hundred twenty thusly cursed potential selectees. They assembled us into a large room and passed out the questionnaires. It was quite noisy and seemed disorganized. I don’t recall any of the questions, save one:
“What is your religious affiliation”?
That was easy: I scribbled ‘atheist’, which was an honest answer and one certain, I surmised to exempt me, as Hunt County probably has more churches per capita than most counties in Texas.” Brilliant!
Imagine my disbelief (no pun), when I was selected. Continue reading
Part Five of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: ‘The Beautiful Girl With The Red Balloon’
Magsaysay was a little more frenetic than usual for a hot, humid sunny day.
Or maybe it was my imagination.
“Matt,” I remarked as we sauntered down the street heading for Viva Young, “Seem a little busy today?”
“It’s a Filipino holiday,” he said.
“No shit? What’s the occasion?”
“Magellan Day.”
“I thought the Filipinos despised him.”
“They do. This holiday commemorates that poison arrow they planted in his ass back in Fifteen Twenty-One.”
Continue reading
A Respectful Tribute to Our Lil’ Man Kim: Who Put The Yin & The Yang into ‘No Complain…’
Pyongyang!
Dear Mister Kim
I’m at it again
Love you to pieces
You sack of raw feces Continue reading
Tattoo (or ‘This is awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’)
It has been ‘awkward’ (to say the very least) to face you of late.
(After my ‘email shot-gunning’ you, off-the-chain escapade of recent shameful regret, but… I did it and today found the courage to read all of what I did send and happily discovered, most were not of the obnoxious caliber of my historical wont. Thank God and Baby Hey Zeus!)
I wish I had an excuse.
Continue reading
More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars
I once knew a Theist named Kent
He told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent Continue reading
“Never Run Tell That!” Unless of course… “You can take the hot lead enema.”–Lenny Bruce
My British Girlfriend is a poker-player.
A real good poker-player.
A really very good poker player.
I am NOT a really very good poker-player
Continue reading
Part Four of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific: PAIN
Let’s Review:
Matt, Rogers, and I were in Viva Young, Olongapo City. I had been struck by The Thunderbolt. Rog was buying the beer for the next ten years. Matt was drawing a charcoal portrait on a cocktail napkin of a sweet, young lovely Filipina with a glass eye. Mama-San was not happy.
SNAFU (‘Situation Normal: All Fucked Up’)
Primary Problem was my ‘Thunderbolt Smitten Status’ Continue reading
Part Three of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific
I just had to have some chat with her.
And By God, I would.
Or die.
I became useless for the rest of the evening.
Continue reading
Part Two of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific
When last we left our Boys they had arrived at Viva Young not unlike victorious Roman Legionaries returning from Gaul—The Conquering Heroes—welcomed with gleeful squeals of joy and happiness by the Girls. Continue reading
Part One of a Sailor’s Scholarly Series on U.S. Naval History in The South Pacific
Dateline: 1989 Subic Bay Naval Base / Olongapo City, Philippines 1600hrs
“Knock Off Ship’s Work! Liberty Call! Liberty Call!” reverberated from the 1MC onboard the USS Frederick, LST 1184.
Simultaneously about a hundred sailors went into Fred Flintstone Mode:
“Yabba Dabba Dooo!!” Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”
It was a long and winding road which led me to South Park home base. As I was trudging along, sweating my ass off, I kept reminding myself of the New Yorker’s directions given to someone looking to get to Texas from NYC:
“Head west until you smell shit. That’s Oklahoma. Go south until you step in it. That’s Texas.” Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Three: “The Boardwalk”
The Briefing was Brief:
“This here’s the van gonna take you. Leaves at zero five hunnert, an’ it’ll leave without ch’all, so doan wander off.” Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Two
“If You Do Not Make Muster and Sign In You Will Not Be Paid. And Furthermore: Not Making Muster Will Result In Disciplinary Action Up To And Including Termination (And An Ass Rendering Administered By Conan Our Resident Barbarian) Thank You for Complying and have a nice day…yada yada yada.”
South Park HQ Continue reading
Being The Sad Story and Lamentable Fate of the Good and Gracious Mister Peabody: A Turkey
Mrs. Benbow had a pet Tom Turkey, named ‘Mr. Peabody.’ This bird hated little boys. And he was passionate about it. Continue reading
“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part One (Apology to MLK for appropriating a great title)
I need to be ‘institutionalized’ somewhere far far away. A place where life is tenuous at worst and exciting at best and the pay is good and booze is scarce and the women are… well, usually not to be found, except on the Internet Continue reading
Diego Garcia, or some could say “McHale’s Navy”
Diego Garcia? Huh? Never heard of it.”
Lots of folks have not: Don’t despair. I spent thirty glorious days there back in ’86. Continue reading
Escape Velocity: “A Consummation Devoutly to be Wished”
Now that is a good term from the Cold War, i.e., ‘Le Space Race.’
However, it still rings true today; rings true as something, almost… unattainable, yet so very much coveted.
“Escape Velocity”
Continue reading
Wal*Mart: The End of Western Civilization (And Bane of Vegetarians)
In the late Nineties my small Texas university town was ‘blessed’ with a brand new Super Wal*Mart. I don’t really like Wal*Mart, but the grand opening was a
“Big Hairy Deal” Continue reading
Kinda, Sorta, Maybe, Updated, Expanded, Or Not….More Janis! “I Got Dem Ol’ Time Turtle Blues Again Mama!” (Apologies to Janis Joplin)
My mother was probably
“The Original Hippy Chick.”
When Haight-Asbury was in full bloom, she would not shut up about it until we went there.
I knew a little of the ‘Hippy Culture’ back then, yet had no desire to experience it ‘up close an’ personal.’ Mom did.
Continue reading
“The Biker, Bouncer, Bartender, Big-Boned Gal From Milwaukee” or “Bloody Mary Mourning–Baby Left Me Without Warning”
SHE led me to a car and we all piled in. I say ‘we all’ simply because suddenly there were three of us. Me, HER, and a miniscule blonde. I’d seen this movie before, but this time it came with a twist, I guess. I have to guess. The rest of the evening (early morning?) lies deeply submerged somewhere in the nether regions of my addled fuzzy-muddled-memory. Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “Denouement” or “You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams”
Alternate Title: “Fairy-Tales can come true; it can happen to you if you’re young at heart… and stupid and credulous and careless and think you’re bulletproof.”
But be forewarned: They are fleeting, ephemeral, transitory.
“You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams, if you’re young at heart.”
I’m callin’ ‘Bullshit’ on that statement.
Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: “This is (NOT) The End” or “I Heard You Been Layin’ My Old Lady”
The three Harleys were gaining on me as I sped southbound down Interstate Five. It was still dark and the traffic was light. I floored the pedal on the Toranado, but I knew they would eventually catch up to me. Continue reading
“Look like th’innocent flower, But be the serpent under’t” or “Come you spirits, That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here.”
“Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?”
–Lady Macbeth Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part XIII: “La Jolla: Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous” or “My Beautiful Fair Mystery Lady Wrapped in an Enigma”
From the very moment we set foot inside the condo, a change, although quite a subtle one, had come over Shonnie. Difficult to describe, but I’ll try. I more sensed rather than ’witnessed’ it. Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part XII: “Back to the Real World”
I discovered Shonnie face down on the bed, hair a mess, legs splayed out all akimbo, a forsaken cigarette burning in the ashtray.
Somehow I saw myself in that cigarette.
I sat down beside her.
“You awake?” I whispered, gently pulling some strands of hair from her cheek.
“Owwwie… Is that you Honey?”
Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part XI: “Un-Graceful Exit”
After an hour or so of waiting (Three Jim Beams and a half-dozen Marlboros, for those of you who measure time based upon consumption of such items), I decided to go looking for Shonnie. The walk to the El Cortez was not long geographically, but too long emotionally. Continue reading
“I dreamt a dream tonight” Of Queen Mab, or “Whatever Your Will, Will”
“Peace, Good Mercutio. Peace. Thou talks of nothing. Thou talkst of nothing.”
“True. True. I talk of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain. Begot of nothing but vain fantasy, which is as thin of substance as the air and more inconstant than the wind who woes even now the frozen bosom of the north and being angered puffs away from thence, turning his side to the dew-dropping south.” Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part X: “Money For Nothin’ And That Chick Ain’t Free”
I sat down at the bar, lit a cigarette and ordered a gin and tonic while watching Shonnie. She placed a two-dollar bet then defiantly tossed her hair back. I cannot prove this, but she must have sensed my stare and was showing out for my benefit. Continue reading
“I Bought a Box of Tampons Today” or “How to Release Your ‘Inner-Macho’ in One Simple Step” (Pay Attention Boys; This One May Save Your Next Planned Fishin’ Trip)
Specifically, Tampax Pearl… “In the Blue & Green Box.”
That’s what SHE required.
This was to be my quest, my only mission quest: to find those and only those specific tampons:
My Search for the Holy Grail of Feminine Hygiene Products
Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part IX: “Counting Down the Deck” or “How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Ways”
Very gently, I woke her.
“Ahhh, what time is it?” She said while yawning and reaching for the ceiling, stretching her slightly freckled arms, splaying her fingers, undulating her hips and moving her head round and round as if she were performing some exotic aboriginal dance to summon up a God or maybe a lessor Daemon. Continue reading
“Hey! Lance Needs Help! He’s Goin’ Down for the Third Time!” or, “Does This Font Make My Blog Look Fat?”
“Just toss him a beer and that ‘Mae West Vest’. He’ll be fine.”
“But Sir, he quit drinking months ago.”
“Well Christ! That’s probably most of his problem right there.
Ok, fish him aboard. I’ll have some ‘chat’ with him; get to the nature of his ‘Urgent Urgency’.” Continue reading
“Tuesday’s Tirade” or ”Curmudgeon’s Complaint” or “Just The Rants, Sir. Just The Rants”
Okay! Okay! This is just me, being me. Allowing me, for today, to indulge the ‘Right Side of Me’. That’s All Continue reading
A ‘Tuesday’ Throwback or, if you will: “Why Ruby Did It”
Why Jack? Oh Why?!
Of course if you want the answer to that
Burning Behind the Grassy Knoll question, all you need do is listen to Lenny.
Look no further.
Lenny Has This One Covered Y’all Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part VIII: “The Blackjack Enlightenment of Miss Shonnie”
Shonnie was growing tired and bitchy and mouthy so I called an end to the training session, satisfied enough by then with her understanding of the game. Continue reading
“Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.”–W. Shakespeare
We chaired you through the market-place;
Man and boy stood cheering by,
And home we brought you shoulder-high.
Today, the road all runners come,
Shoulder-high we bring you home,
And set you at your threshold down,
Townsman of a stiller town.
–A.E. Housman
Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part VII: “The Birth of a Star, A Craps’ Star!”
We freshened up, got dressed, and prepared to head down to the Casino Floor. Generally, and as a semi-hardened rule, I do not gamble in The Plaza.
But on this night I was feeling freshly full of myself and wanted to capitalize on that feeling before the ‘fresh’ had time to wear off. Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife VI: Vegas’ ‘Soft Porn’, or ‘Blue Hotel Room’
(Unsuitable for minors and miners and casual diners: Adult Content. Lock your screen if you need to step – away for a moment) Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: Part “V(iva) Las Vegas”
“Hey Lance!” she exclaimed. “Come look at this shit! There are little teeny-tiny soap bars in the bathroom. And little baby shampoo bottles! And some paper thingy on the toilet. How I’m supposed to pee with that paper there? And look at this!” she said, walking out of the head and back into the room, “There’s a coffee pot and Coffee! And Look at this here! A Remote Control for the TeeVee!” Continue reading
Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife Part Four: “Night Hawks”
We spent the rest of that Friday and most of Saturday enjoying the Bluegrass Festival while swilling beers and smoking lots of cigarettes. During the late evenings we shared burgers, listened to all sorts of music on my little boom box, drank whiskey and had great sex. We also talked a lot about a lot … Continue reading
Should I Go For It?
Wad’yall Say? ‘Should‘ I go for it? ‘Could’ I go for it? (I ‘could’ and ‘would’ really use the ten bucks!) Enthusiastic Homer Says “Hell-To-The-Hell Yeah!“ Will definitely require some strong, mighty resolve and determination. Not to mention uncommon valor and courage… And… Some… REINFORCEMENTS! So I sent out an urgent ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ to Three-Star … Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Chapter Three: Desert Dreams, Sex and Music
Around about three a.m. I was pulling the Toranado up in front of her house, actually, turns out, her mother’s house. During the course of our conversation after leaving the bar’s parking lot Shonnie revealed to me that she had left her husband, who was a biker, and moved in with her mother. She had … Continue reading
“An Unlikely Horse to Win, Place, or Even Show Up” (2021 Re-Boot with Verbose Author’s Op-Ed Bonus Bit Thrown In)
“TLDR”
–The Author Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife, Chapter Two: “You Look So Good In Love”
“Well Shonnie, was nice of your friend to introduce us. Did Y’all come here together?” “Yeah, we come here two, three times a week.” “I didn’t catch her name.” “Layla.” (Well, I guess ‘that’ fits, I thought.) “See seems like a real nice Lady,” I lied. “She’s a good friend. We work together.” “I see. … Continue reading
Shonnie: Just Some Last Thoughts & One “Reminisce”–Important ‘Breaking News’ Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over’
Let’s Get This Out of the Way First: “SPOILER ALERT!” Do NOT Read Unless You are Already Familiar With The Story from Reading the Original Series. Skip Ahead to Here: Author’s Note: Some of Y’all Faithful Readers… (That is Not Sarcasm. I sincerely appreciate all Y’all who read me and have ‘Read’ me over the … Continue reading
Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife
For the life of me, I could not spy a single pool table nor a shuffle board nor even an air hockey table. Certainly no mechanical bull.
Honky-Tonk Travesty! Continue reading
She SUCKS! But She Doesn’t Suck In The Way She’s Supposed To Suck
Dateline: 16 June 2021 After eight long months and numerous failed attempts, I FINALLY DID IT! I Liberated ‘That-VAC’ from Her Prison! Actually, She was trying to Bust Out On-Her-Own This Time. ‘The Not-So-Great-Escape’ And Struggling, Failing… Screaming for Help! BUT I, Me! Me ‘Lance-Rocky Marcona‘! Jumped in and SAVED Her DAY! Rescued Her! And … Continue reading
“No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” (This is a ‘Re-Constructed Old Post.’ No Alcoholic Beverages Were Harmed, Nor Consumed While Operating The Requisite Heavy Machinery For The Successful Completion of This Project)
I grew into manhood in the Sinai Desert: 1977-1980. Missed out on Disco, but it was damn well worth it. Who needed Disco anyway? I served a ‘higher’–figuratively and literally–‘calling’. What you may choose to read below is the first installment of a personal history I am determined to write about the men and women … Continue reading
Here is a Life-Lesson To Heed: “Never Drive A Shredder Over Small-Arms Ammunition.” (You’re Welcome.)
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Not an everyday alcoholic, but he did have a schedule and he stuck to it religiously. I lived with him and my grandmother in Winnsboro for one year before escaping to Honey Grove to live with my father. My grandmother was a librarian working at Gladewater High School, about … Continue reading
Armadillos Should Not Golf–ReDux’d & Re-Writ
“Golf is a Gentleman’s and Lady’s game.” I looked around at my eleven-odd fellow PE classmates sitting Indian-style in a semi-circle in front of Coach. It was late spring in Winnsboro, Texas. I was twelve. Poking my buddy (a lanky, slow-drawling ugly, slightly buck-toothed dirty-blond towhead of a boy named ‘Gary’) in the ribs with … Continue reading
Please Don’t Shit in my Showers
Dispatches From Afghanistan: Mouses, Goats, and Snakes, Oh My! *** The Jordanians are coming! The Jordanians are coming! Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t ‘comphy’, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do … Continue reading
“Phaseolus Vulgaris” Yeah, Them Latins Got That One Right! Pure-Dee ‘Vulgarity’ If In Chili, (But Just Fine If Not)
NO!!! Consider for a moment the lowly pinto bean. “Phaseolus Vulgaris” (Scholarly etymology) “Texmexiconus Pintofurious” (My etymology) Just a wonderful, hearty, delicious Texan Food… When Properly Served-up as my photo below illustrates. This Dish is Perfectly Acceptable to any Texan. In Fact, I cook and eat Pinto Beans all-the-time. I cooked this batch while Exiled … Continue reading
Emails From Afghanistan: My Boss, ‘That Guy I Wouldn’t Want Running An Elevator For Me’ (Re-Written/Expanded)
(Ed. Note: I reached way down into the archives and re-worked this one) LSA TWO OFFICE “LSA”-“Life Support Area”-or in the local vernacular aka: “Life Sucks Ass.” Yet another email I dispatched from Camp Dwyer, 2012: Around 1730hrs a truck pulls up outside my office at LSA Two. I didn’t see who was in the … Continue reading
Wonderful World of Worthy Writers!
I want to be worthy someday Continue reading
SHITTY PITY PARTY
Lance walks into the ‘Psycho‘-Therapist’s Office and slumps down into a chair… “Hello. My Name is Doctor Calvin Cray-Cray.” “Hello!” Way Too Effervescent Psychotherapist blurts out. “And how are WE Today?” “Shitty,” I answer. “Oh No!!” he says. “We can never be ‘shitty’, as you say. WE are always ‘Happy’.” “’Go Fuck yourself’, as I … Continue reading
“Sometimes There Just Aren’t Enuff Crud Eaters” Redux–Major Expanded–New & Improved!
“No Darlin’ I wanna go to that new fish store and buy me a coupla crud-eaters for my ‘quarium.” After having accumulated a little money during my three years’ working in the Sinai Desert (Sinai Field Mission) I decided to come home to Texas. My wife (the first one) and I settled in Nacogdoches resolved … Continue reading
This Is Just a “Puff Piece” All About One of My Favorite Women Of-All-Time. Surprised?
To be quite honest, I had never been a big fan, Until… My Third, Lisa-the-Professor, sat me down in front of the TV one night and put on “Truth or Dare.” (The Blond Ambition Tour) By the end of the film, I was IN-Love. And In-Awe. And In-Respect. “The Girl, she works hard for the … Continue reading
Delirium Tremens Man Showed. And This Time He Wasn’t Playin’
Chapter One Here Sunday Morning, one A.M. and I had just run out of booze. Bad News. Can’t buy booze until noon on a Sunday. So at one o’clock a.m. the count-down began. I was resolved to weather the approaching storm. Tried to keep my mind occupied by watching YouTube vids.Listening to ‘Happy’ Songs.Drinking coffee.Reminiscing … Continue reading
The Funeral
Chap one here Chap two here Chap three here Vid Cred: drawnmap96 : Doctor Gary, The Vet, had been the one who had called to give me the unhappy news. He NEVER asked any of his staff to perform these kinds of unpleasant duties. He was a good boss and a good, compassionate man who … Continue reading
I DO NOT LIKE THIS NEW FB ‘SEND NEW POSTS TO ‘MESENGER!’ How To roll back to old version? Posting directing directly to my timeline. SUCKS
*** Classical Music! Credit: Facebook Song – Rhett & Link
HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back
This is Just the ‘Trailer’ Full Movie Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You. Soon, Very Soon Keeping as a souvenir: (I’ll Never wash that wrist Again!) *** Here is a Clue: Cred: ‘Scared Sober with Delirium Dirk – Real Delirium Tremens and Alcohol Withdrawal‘ **** Street Cred: ‘Christy Moore’ **** Street Cred: Kris *** … Continue reading
I Hate Television (But I Desperately Need It!)
This (Above) vid is kinda lame.But best I could find.On my short dime.Cred: UnBemlo **** My television set has stopped working.I hate that!I cannot watch CNN!Now I will have to bother Cynthia… Once Again. At least my Internet Sill Works. Good for Me. Bad for You. **** Added Bonus: I Prefer Radio! Lovely, Beautiful Joni!
Trolling For Baited Breath
“Dear Peggy, Just ‘Bee’ Happy” And Sing. Even if it is Your Swan… Song Vid Share Cred: Peacock Kids *** Someone Just Called me a “Troll”Am I? I don’t Know. Don’t Think So. Perhaps… A Little But Ain’t We All. To some Degree? **** No! I know! Troll? I am none! I am a decent, … Continue reading
Embrace The Human Race! (We are All In This Boat Together) Or… Instant Karma!
“How in The World You Gonna See, Laughing At Fools Like Me?” **** We Are All, All of Us, Keeping, Trying, to Keep on ‘Shinning’ On— While Trapped On This Crazy Little Blue Marble of a Bat-Shit ‘Scrazy,’ Mixed-Up Planet! “You Better Get Yourself Together;Pretty Soon You’re Gonna Be Dead.” Cheers! (And Good Luck.) Y’all! … Continue reading
Almost My Last ‘Lucia Chap’–The Denouement is Coming – Soon. Please Stand By. Bye! Bye!
I came home one day.So happy to be off work.Walked in the door.Waited for Lucia to jump me and try to claw my eyes out.She did not come.I went looking for her.Found her motionless, prostrated on the floor.Gently I Gathered Her in My Arms and drove Her to The Vet.“Please Fix My Cat” I said … Continue reading
Flame WARS! The Battle is Joined!
(Ed. Note: This Post is All Borked/Fucked Up. WP is STUPID! I’ll TRY to FIX it LATER) Maybe… Maybe Not… I truly do have better things to do Believe it Or Not! **** I didn’t Start the Fire. I just poured gasoline on it. Street Cred for Vid: CollegeHumor: Brilliant!!! Fucking BRILLIANT!!! Just Fuckin Brilliant! … Continue reading
Mother-Fuck You Facebook!
Cred for Creative Vid: ‘Intermittent Explosive Disorder’ **** I am already drunk. (of course) So What?? What to do? I am about to get Get Drunker. Stand by for more unhappy words directed directly at you: Facefuck! **** Fuck you Facefuk!I don’t have time, nor inclination to wrestle you over small edits.So… Go get wrecked!(and … Continue reading
Almost Cut My Hair
Hair Hair Every Where! And Thank God! I’ll Never go BALD! (It is a Genetic Thang!) Good Hair Genes Possessed By Me! “Almost cut my hairIt happened just the other dayIt’s gettin’ kinda longI coulda said it was in my wayBut I didn’t and I wonder whyI feel like letting my freak flag flyYes, I … Continue reading
On Writing. On Thinking. On Drinking.
I Throw Excuses at Me for Not Writing: ‘Too Early’‘Too Late’‘Too Hot’‘Too Cold’‘Too wet’‘Too Dry’‘Too Sober’ ‘Too Drunk’ ‘Oh Wait!—There’s ‘Breaking News on CNN!’ (I am far too Easily Distracted!) Eventually, I empty out my ‘Excuses-Bag-of-Tricks’ Then I Park My Ass On The ‘Writing Chair’ And I Begin trying to write. (I have SO Much … Continue reading
Wrap Rage!
Why do I need a Saw-Saw or a Chain Saw to open A Retail Product??? Next time I’m just gonna stop fukkin’ around and use C-4… or a Neutron Bomb Shit Pisses Me Off! I Suggest Booze & Drugs Are Called For in these Situations: Confronting the Heavy Plastic. Here is a Clue: “One Must … Continue reading
My First Info-Babe Love: Christiane Amanpour!
She took my “News-Junkie Virginity.”Then she never looked back.Never dropped by.Never mailed a postcard.Never telephoned.No Nada!Bitch!(Just kidding Christiane)You know I will always love you best! Brilliant.Beautiful.Charming! Absolutely Charming! *** Every time I see her, I fall in love all over again. (I suppose that’s how it always goes with those… “First Loves–Lost”) ‘Just Hang on … Continue reading
Left-Over Food. Left-Over Dreams. Left-Over White Trash King!
My Fridge: Left On my Bed. Instead. No worries. I can sleep around it. I’ve got enough left-over food (some weeks gone-by of age-Waste not. Want not!) in my fridge to ‘Feed Cox’s Army’ ‘Feed Cox’s Army…’ An expression Janet used to hurl at me upon often occasion. Anyway… I got NO Room! No ROOM! … Continue reading
Lucia!
Lisa and I struggled along after our over-hasty Marriage. I kept working for Dick Latson @ Latson’s Printing and Office Supply. Lisa kept working for Texas A&M-Commerce. After about one year Kitty died. (Recall he was the eldest–14 and change) So not a huge surprise But Still! Broke both of our hearts. I buried him … Continue reading
You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy
“I Love and Admire You Dorothy.Always Have.Always Shall. You are an American Icon.” *** “And Thank You For Being My Teenage Fantasy Crush” –Lance So Much Class! So Much Class! And Oh So Very Very Beautiful & Talented! And Charming! Vid Cred: Wat Bradford (Bravo Wat! Brilliant Choice of Music!) *** I remember watching this … Continue reading
Kitty Muster: Roll Call! Fall in! (You Pussys!)
Vid Cred: CatsCovers *** Had FiveCatsStand by… And I will tell you why. When I first met my soon to be third wife, (Shakespeare / Marlow Professor), She announced to the class, First Day of Class: “My Name is ‘Lisa,’ but you may address me as ‘Professor’, or ‘Doctor Lisa.’ “ She continued: “I have … Continue reading
Teaser: The “Real” New Project I am Working on, Working Titles: “Evil Felines” or “Cat Scratch Fever” Vote on it!
My Sociopath Kitty Lucia. (You can spot the Social Anxiety Disorder in her eyes.) Best “Pussy” I ever had.She was a tiny little dominatrix.My favorite kind of female. Stray Cats Street Cred For Vid: The Pet Collective Street Cred For Vid: CurlySVT **** Cast & Crew:Tweety Bird: Lance MarcomSylvester the Cat: Lucia Director: Cecil B. … Continue reading
Siren Songs
Fun Fact: The Song was actually vocalized by Emmy Lou Harris, Allison Krauss, & Gillian Welch ****** “Welch was an associate producer and performed on two songs of the soundtrack of the Coen brothers 2000 film O Brother, Where Art Thou?, a platinum album that won the Grammy Award for Album of the Year in … Continue reading
Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them!
Astrud ***** I’ve had too many “Ipanema Girls” in my life. Enough For Two Life-Times. In fact. Now I am weary. And smartly wary. Vid Cred: catman916 Vocalist: Astrud Gilberto (Love The Classic Beehive Hairdo, By The Way… Just sayin’.) ***** Post This Because I love Them! And Just Because I LOVE Them! Every Shape, … Continue reading
To Mask or Not to Mask (That is The Question)
Vid Cred: Shirley Șerban Vid Cred: Shirley Șerban Above Would Be Me! If I were lost in Idiocracy ****** To live or not to Live Zat is the Ques-ze-ion!Personally, I do not mask.(Nor do I Ask ) And I do not live in Fear! Not My Style! I have no Fear! My Dear! ****** I … Continue reading
Moldy Old Posts. A Re-Visit: Shit Holes
Street Cred For Vid: Chetreo Street Cred For Vid: Chetreo Transcribed from an Old Post: ***** I moved out within a week; a one-bedroom frame house had come available and it was a bargain at just ninety bucks a month. It was within fifty yards of ‘the crash site’ of my Monza, just across the … Continue reading
“Please Stay Safe” (You’re Shitting me, Right?)
Vid Street Cred: Cody Ko “Please Stay Safe!”Who the fuck says that?While talking to a Reporter in Middle of the Middle East!“Please stay safe!”Fuck you!Looking at you CNNI have lived in the Middle East!There is no ‘Safe.’ Not Here Not there! Then nowhere n’est-ce pas? No-Where Good Luck! **** I must I simply must Drop … Continue reading
Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)
Song Dedicated to My Cynthia.She works her butt off, looking out for all the inmates here @ Lion’s Den. She is My Guardian Angel in Disguise.I do not want to live in a world without her, now that I’ve found her.And she me… ***** I had a package delivery todayMy neck collar/embracementBut more important:Thank You … Continue reading
I Have But Few Words
Fake Bitch: Not Fake: Not Fake Never Fake: Since I retain my Third World Mode… And counting my blessings… Yet I possess/retain empathy. I have been to Africa. I have seen it. Up Close Have you? (Vid Cred: Leeshan)
Livin’ Life Large Here in The Den, Lion’s Den
I had a package delivery todayMy neck collar/embracementBut more important:Thank You Cards—BlankI filled out three:One for that dude who helped me into my house last week when I was so ‘shaky.’One for Deb—Hotel Management, WardenAnd of course one for, the main one of course … for Cynthia— Walking BossI shouted her down as she was … Continue reading
I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?!
WordDepresswd
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Bugman Visit Cancelled! Thank God! And Thank Cynthia!
(I don’t need no more Bug trouble) Cynthia dropped in earlier; inquired after my state of health.I told her I was OK.She reminded me that this was the day she was to clean my hooch.I begged her not to bother—not her job.And she said, “OK Baby, but if you change your mind…”As we were in … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Four, Wayward Bound
Actually in my last post, I kinda lied. We were on the same plane but bound for two different destinations:She to Missouri.Me to Texas. During the flight across the pond to America, I went back to the stewardess shack, and said,“See that Nordic Blonde there in 27B? She has agreed to marry me. Got any … Continue reading
Bad Fortunes. Bad Dreams. Are Always Trying To Gang-Tackle Me, (It Seems), But Then They Are Chased Away. By Good Fortune & Good People. (Perpetually in The Nick of Time)
***** But then comes along… I’ve had a rough week and change. That last big storm we’d had shot down a lightning bolt into my ‘back-yard’ and knocked out my internet. For FOUR DAYS! (Thanks so Much for THAT, Zeus) It tried to gasp itself back to life. I was powerless to help. No CPR … Continue reading
Sandra
It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’ I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.Okay? ***** I Can Relate: Never Hesitate ***** Bonus Track: Cred for Vid: Chadman2000
Time After Time
I’ve made up My Time Following Sublime I’m losing My Mind I’m going away. Call me ‘Ash-Tray!‘ Gone Far Astray Okay?? Away! ***** I mean call ME“Asshole” Or Call me ‘Ismael’ Uh… On Second Thought, Please Don’t Call me ‘Ismael’ Fuck it! Just Call me! Call me ‘Lancelot-Link, Secret Chimp.’ I’ll answer to that. ***** … Continue reading
Hooray For Hollywood! Wish I Could… Still Give a Shit. But The Magic is Gone. Long Gone. So Long!
Street Cred for Vid: kherrick90 Credit: TOPPOP: Star sisters “Any barmaid can be a star-made” ******* Hey Film Buffs!This (Below) is Required Watching! Right On! Spot On! Dead On! Thank YOU! Critical Drinker Man! You Nailed My Same Same Sentiment! Visit Crit Drinker Here Below: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSJPFQdZwrOutnmSFYtbstA The Genesis of all this Bullshit: ***** And No!I … Continue reading
Houston, We’re Screwed.
Pondering, Reflecting, Dissecting, Thinking back (Yeah, I do that sometimes) The thinking part Whilst ‘Thinking’ … I came upon the stark realization that I have been perpetually ‘online’ since 1990 First Step: Admitting You Have A Problem (The Admittance Part is The Hardest Part—Guess That is Why it is First-On-The-ListOnce You Get PAST That…Rest is … Continue reading
That Happy News! Still Friends in 2525
Still Stayin’ Alive! I Feel ‘Blessed’And that’s a Stretch(Since I’m an Atheist) Street Cred for Vid: Sanjin Brilliant! Love it! Just awakened from my coma.Had some wonderful/happy news from a friend via voicemail.(Won’t doxx him) But suffice to say, he’s gonna be OK,(Until 2525 Anyway!) I am happy–everyone deserves some, a little, ‘happy’ in their … Continue reading
English!
(I still love you Baby!) But I had to go See way below… For all the reasons this is so English!I love everything English/British!I had one once.She drove me crazy!I was no longer the smartest in the room.She made me crazy I still love her And I still miss her Marvelous much Woe is me … Continue reading
Arabia (Amman, Chapter The First) “Maggie”
I worked in Amman Jordan for six months.(Parsons/Bechtel evacuated Iraq at the end of our project—USAID Rural Water Project) We had completed all the ‘on-the-ground’-work.Nothing left to do but finalize the paper-work.We could do this in Jordan. It was ‘safer‘ So said Parsons—No need to get anyone else kilt in Iraq—Made sense I suppose. I … Continue reading
Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? You’ll need it. Life Imitating My ‘Art.’ Hits a little too close to My Home: Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock … Continue reading
‘Siskel & Ebert’ (& Lance): Movie Impressions
“A charmingly, delightfully, hysterically funny movie. And actually, quite Touching and Endearing.(To me anyway)Not gonna be everyone’s ‘cup of tea.’But my teacup runneth over. Three Thumbs Up! Your mileage may vary.” —Lance ‘Ekbert’ Maria Bakalova: My Latest ‘Crush’ (Yes. Lance is a Dirty Old Man–Sue Him–He’s Old, But He Ain’t Dead) **** When the world … Continue reading
Babes, Info (Info-Babes)
(“Babes, Info: Plural. Colloquial.”)—Lance Webster ******** I am not a fan of Babe Ruth (Or of His Candy Bar) I am not a Fan of ‘Babes-In-Toy-Land’ I am not a Fan of Fukked – Up Word-Depressed ‘Customer-Service’ Babes I am not a fan of ‘Babe The Pig‘ I am not a fan of Babe Actresses … Continue reading
Glen Miller Kicked Some Serious Ass!
I Love Our Rich American Culture!I love My Having Been Blessed To Have Been Born An American.And Yes!I Am A Vet! (And A Patriot!) And I love My Country!Forever! Wanna Test The Veracity of My Statement? Well, Stand By For Heavy Rolls! As The Shit Hits Your Fan! Y’all Understand my Tennessee Connection to this. … Continue reading
“Walking On The Moon” (Or, “Pie In The Eye”)
Vid Share Street Cred: Apollo Space Program : Street Cred For Vid: The Police A Trip to the Moon (French: Le Voyage dans la Lune) is a 1902 French adventure short film directed by Georges Méliès God Damn Navy! OK. I have Finished re-watching “From The Earth To The Moon.” (HBO) I never was able … Continue reading
I’ve Got A Lot To Say About This Mo-Fo. And it Ain’t Gonna Be Nothin’ Nice–Fair Warning. (Although I do Respect Him)
Yeah, I do! Don’t Worry; I’ll Get to it! Don’t Worry And This Other Stupid Mother-Fucker: Street cred: John Ward:
Medgar Evers
Poignant and Timely: Vid Share Credit: Swingin’ Pig ***** All of the Prose below is stolen. Just my feeble attempt to pay in my humble way… to try to pay proper tribute to the memory of a Great, Brave American Veteran… ***** “Medgar Wiley Evers (July 2, 1925 – June 12, 1963) was an American … Continue reading
“Gone With The Bear” – As My Third Wife Referred To it. “Just Hold On And Suck In.” –Mammy
–Mammy Video Compilation Credit: huldr rrr Best Clip. Ignore The Others Except the Christine McVie toward the end. That one is requisite! Video Compilation Credit: Michael and Stephanie Sandberg Video Compilation Credit: ‘S’ et al. First time I actually ‘talked’ to her was in her ‘Office’. (She was a ‘new-hire’ Freshly Pressed with her Ph.D.,– … Continue reading
I Don’t Need No More (Toilet) – Trouble
I Love To Laugh (at me) And My Chasing at Sobriety “Hey Lance! What would you do if you ever caught the Sobriety Bus?” “Burn my nose on the tail-pipe–I don’t know–haven’t thought it through.” ****** (Ed. Note: The Bob Marley Vid ain’t Necessary, nor requisite.But I find it a ‘Nice Touch.’ Watch it if … Continue reading
You Peck The Right Button, Pellets Fall Out
Street Cred for Vid: Shea et al. Hi Y’all. I spend almost all of my ‘awake’ hours thinking about writing. I spend what is ‘left-over’ actually writing. Since most of Y’all who are kind enough to visit me here are writers too, I would like to share some of my thoughts about the ‘writing process’, … Continue reading
In My Ever-Persistent Search For Happiness & Beauty In My Life
Share Credit: Y’all Enjoy Thanks to Kevin Bacon (Yeah, that actor dude) Yeah, we’re FB Buds. Hahahahah! Someone put a lot of time and effort into constructing this vid; wish I could give proper credit. Alas.. Ed. Note: (At the beginning. Yes, not ‘conventional’) But if you do not watch the videos, you are wasting … Continue reading
Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I?
“I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods (Ed. Note: This Post has kinda Gone off the Rails & morph’d into an Annie Lennox bit) Sorry. Not Sorry. Scroll Down In most things Politic, I … Continue reading
Just in Time for Easter
Someone once asked me,“Lance, when did you become an Atheist?”I replied,“When I learned to read.”Actually I think even before that.It is geneticFrom my FatherOnly Useful Thing He Ever Gave Me.And it Did Not Cost Him One Dime.But, Thanks Dad.And Before You Get All Bent Out of Shape:Read My Views on People of Faith Some Bonus … Continue reading
Credit Card Companies PISS Me OFF
Song Credit: Dick Feller Recent email to me: “Lance, thank you from Capital One. You’re invited to pre-qualify for auto financing with no impact to your credit score.” Since when do Credit Card Companies think they are allowed to be on ‘First-Name Basis’ with me? I wrote their Customer Service Back: “Hey Cap! Come to … Continue reading
Gnat Pool Party
So, I am tryin’ real hard (Yes it is hard. Hey! Get Yer Mind Outta That Gutter!) Tryin’ real hard to tone down on the drinkin’. Poured me a ‘HALF-GLASS’ of wine, (Not much more than would fill a hen’s ear) into a ‘Normal’ wine glass as opposed to my usual, ‘Barrel Glass Runneth Over.’ … Continue reading
Now Pay Attention Kids. Things Are Gonna Get Easier; Things Are Gonna Get Brighter
So, Buck Up Lil Campers! ***** Most of Below Originally Posted on FaceBook. (Sorta) **** “Now pay attention Kids. I am Not sayin’ I love this version more than the other I recently Posted. But Damn it’s Great! More Healthy Optimism, Less Dread! And Y’all know Beautiful Redheads make me weak-in-the-knees No, not the dude … Continue reading
Word-Press Distress
What I hear while on the telephone with WordPress Customer Diss-Me-Service: WordPress, how do I hate Thee? Let Me Count The Ways. (This Make Take Some Time. Have A Seat. I’ll Get You A Drink) **** Hey WP! This Below could be dedicated from me to you. (If you were worth-a-shit!) Sadly. You are Not … Continue reading
The La Mesa Yankee Girl In King Lance’s Court (From Connecticut) Work-In-Progress… *Apologies to Mark Twain*
A very long TT&H Project I am working on: “KAREN, The Only Non-Texan Girl I Ever Loved” (Working Title) OK. That’s a Bullshit Lie. But it Looked Good to Me In Print. So I’m gonna run with it. ***** Just need to wait for her to send me the photo records… “Dear Karen,I have a … Continue reading
Car Shield? No Deal!
Y’all know I watch way too much CNN. Ten Minuets of ‘News’ and Fifty Minuets of Obnoxious Commercials. Every Hour. Day after Day. Every Day! Above is one of the worst. I dialed up Car Shield: “Hey Car Shield! I want to Board Your Gravy Train!” “Sure. We are here for you. But first, we … Continue reading
Lance Health Update: I think I’m Gonna Barf
“Well, that passed.” I love you Margie (Frances) ******* Condition (“I saw so much I broke My Mind.”)
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I know I am an asshole, But I write what I feel. And I am Honest. AND I DO RESPECT MY READERS. (Both of them) Believe it or Don’t Your Choice.
Face-Fukked
For Any Enquiring Minds Who Give-A-Shit: I recently deleted My Face-Fuk Account of 12 Years. Guess what happened next. FaceBook sent a buxom Blond to Mi Casa. Ostensibly to give me a blow-job. But it did not take me long to figger out that all she wanted was for me to undelete my account. I … Continue reading
SueZ, Open Sez-a-me! Canal!
I have been to the Suez Canal at least 300 times. I’ve been witness to some incredibly funny shit in my day, but never nothin’ even remotely approaching this Monumental Shipping Screw-UP! LMFAO! ******* Because I am a Smart-assed Moron: Clik the GD Link Below! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ****** Jet, the oldest at the table–about thirty—wore a … Continue reading
A Love for All Seasons. And For All The Right Reasons
Just One More In The Continuing Series: “All The Women Lance Loves” Have a Blast. (WIP) Street Cred Vid Share Credit: stumblingChaos ***** Olivia on the phone with me: (Wanna Talk Vain Fantasy?) ***** And Just To Lift Your Spirits: “O happy dagger, This is thy sheath. There rust and let me die.“ Whomever posted … Continue reading
Diana
Yes! I am a Hopelessly Romantic SAP. *** Her untimely departure really fucked me up. (More than this ‘Macho-Man’ would ever care or confess to admit.) Street Cred for Vid: Missmariasiya **** Christopher, I love you more than cash money,BUTI do not agree with you.(Actually I Do… Sorta.)However, comma,I’d like to hold onto myIdealisticDreamsAnd Fantasies…RegardingPrincesses. … Continue reading
Still Tryin’ To Tempt Rickie—Part Trois–Last Chance Asshole!
Just give me a little more time. ***** I like to savor my loving jealous vanity… Sanity Insanity Fantasy **** “But the battery went dead And the cables don’t reach. And the timing’s all wrong…“
Texas (no longer) Monthly
Why are Corporations so Fucking Stupid? I wanted to submit an article for publish consideration. ‘To Texas Monthly.’ “Oh! Hell no! Slow down Cowboy! First we need your next of kin. The name of your first born. Your Social # Your most recent wife’s bra size. And about three thousand dollars. You good with this?“ … Continue reading
This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’)
For A Post I have Bouncing About in My Head. Working Title: “Wonton America.” All Americans are “Want-Ones’ (You Have Probably Already Figured Out Why This Is Timely And Apropos) Street Cred for Vid: ‘Playing For Change‘ The you? **** The young Girl Singing… Broke my already broken Heart. Will work for Beer! Oh Drear!Or … Continue reading
When The Men On The Chessboard Get Up & Tell You Where To Go…
I’m gonna ‘Unplug’ for a spell: For Mental Health Reasons (Of Course All Y’all Faithful, Regular Readers Know I’m Lying–But It was Fun To Type That Lie: Just One of Life’s Simple Pleasures.) Catch Y’all On The Flip-Flop… And don’t forget to follow the white rabbit- – Down The rabbit hole— If you dare, I’ll … Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser—Part Duh–To Be Continued
I’ll get to it. By and By… Don’t worry… Street Cred: 3LONZO “I hope it isn’t contagious.” ***** Do not expect me to ‘splain this. Google is your friend. Tom & Rickie Lee:An All-American Couple (God Damn How I Love You Both! You have, Le Both, Enriched my Life!) Beyond Measure. ****** (But I am … Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser! (“Lookie Here Y’all”)
I know! I know! I KNOW! I am supposed to be WORKING (On my Rickie Lee Post) Not Great audio/video Quality “Girl Quality” is Great However: THE DUCHESS OF COOLSVILLE : Shared Street Cred for VID: Rickie Lee Jones(DUH!) ********* But I am stuck on a German Submarine somewhere in the North Atlantic right now. … Continue reading
Rita!
Words Fail! Best I can Muster: Wow! Just WoW! Star Stricken! “Rita, You Are So Beautiful!” “Learn How To Pretend” Rita, Beautiful Lady, I Did Learn. Too Well. Far Too Well… Well? Now What? If you look up “TRUE LOVE” in the Dictionary, This You Shall Discover ****** Clik The GD Below Link. It Works! … Continue reading
The Wino And I Know!
No Whine Before It’s Mine! Street Cred: MoonLit Water ***** Bonus Added Value! **** I know I am STUPID! But, I just want to make people LAUGH! (This is My Mission) ***** “Livin’ My Life Like A Song” –Jimmy B. “It’s A Strange Situation… Wild Occupation!”– JB–Again. ***** Man Wrote some really Great Shit! ***** … Continue reading
WordPress! WP is STUPID!
WordPress! You Make Me Want To Throw Up In My Mouth! Just Fukking PLEASE! Please Allow Me To PERFORM A SIMPLE EDIT! Thank you. (Expect a Telephone Call… soon as my phone recharges…) ******
Joni: “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.”
Danger! Will Robinson! This post is RAW! I ‘might’ edit it later (But Do Not Count On It!) I have no fucking idea why I am posting this. Actually, I do. It is because Joni Mitchell has shaped my life (in the best way) more than all the women (combined) who so desperately tried (and … Continue reading
Donna, Disco, And Convicts
While I was at SFM, during ‘The Disco Agony Epoch,’ We had a ‘Homemade’ Desert House–Band—Rockers ALL! They called their Band: ‘The Sisco Ducks’ Which of course was a play on words for ‘Disco Sucks.’ (We were all drug addicts back then) We smoked hashish for breakfast, lunch, supper, and night-cap. Ever’day! Next day, rinse … Continue reading
“Beware The Ides of March!”
“What do he mean by that Julius?” Julius sez, “I doesn’t know.” ***** Roberta (The only GF who has stuck by me for DECADES!) reminded me that we are Knee-Deep into the Ides of March… so, natch… Brother Dave! And Willie-The-Half-Sprung Shake…s…Spear “Here Julius; hold this!” ***** (Y’all are welcome for this little ‘Cultural’ Interlude) … Continue reading
Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!
My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog! Those who claim to know me… Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me! **** (Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for Me) : I suppose I could always smash the bottle against some concrete. OOPs! ************ But, in the doing of that… I may … Continue reading
Stimulate Me Bitch!
Woo-Hoo! Wu Flu! You have ‘Stimulated’ Me! “Per your instructions, we are notifying you of the following… Account activity on the Checking account # *0000 with Guaranty Bank & Trust: Account Bal is $2,333.53 as of 03/17/2021 01:13 AM” **************** Ever’month—Right?—No?—You just a One-Trick Pony? Well, “Go to Fuk You Then!!”— California! Here I come!” … Continue reading
Agnetha! Please!
Take a Chance on Me! I will worship You! Every Day! You will be my QUEEN! My Dancing One! **** This Vid NEVER Grows Old for Me. (And I am an ‘Old Fuck!’) Can’t take my eyes off of you… Agnetha! “You’re just too good to be true!” “I love you Baby!” (Yeah, I am … Continue reading
Every Good Boy Deserve A Flavour. (No ‘Flavours’ Given Here.) Just Some Free Advice: “Forced Self-ISOLATION MAY BE MENTALLY UNHEALTHY.” (You’re Welcome.)
Living all alone here at The Lion’s Den for nearly one year now… I’m starting to feel a lot Like Matt Damon: ************** Hey! I was told Linda was to meet me HERE! It’s a relatively small planet. I shouldn’t be hard to find! Where The Fuk is SHE?! ************ ***************** RIP Jimi. Your genius … Continue reading
“Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?
A Sumptuous Feast. Fit For Any Beast: OK: Ready, Set, GO! (Or is it, “Game. Set. Match?”) I am easily befuddled… Got my evening all mapped out: Dinner and a movie—then perhaps a little ‘hanky-panky.’ Alcohol may come into play! Char-dun-Yay! All The Way! & Sade. Sade. Sade. Pronounced ‘Shar-Day!’ How many times must I … Continue reading
Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo) Found ourselves standing before Daddy. In His Study. That Bitch Gloria (My Step-Mom) was there as Well. Our ‘Mission’… was to procure/beg money. Maddy and Jennifer did this Joni (as a) Duet and Perfection two-part Harmony: a capella! “Twisted” Street Cred For The Vid: JoniJourney (It … Continue reading
WASTED
Perfect! Gonna add this to my Life’s Soundtrack: Soon available as a Box’d-Up Set Available At Fine Book Stores Everywhere. (If you have a time-machine) But Now! However…. No! “Wait! No Fine Book Stores Left???” “No kinda, semi-fine Bookstores?” “No sorta-fine Bookstores?” “No Marginally Fine Bookstores?” “No Mediocre-Fine Bookstores?” “No Bargain – Basement Bookstores?” “NO!” … Continue reading
ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Cass, and Lance
Yeah! I am trying to occupy (and distract) my mind with Beauty and Music. (See previous posts if you do not know why this is requisite for me.) Speaking of posts, and posting, This one is an unorganized, not edited, convoluted…. piece of shit. (Screw it! I will NOT edit this. It was a ‘stream … Continue reading
Assholes ‘R’ Us!
Some asshole just emailed me: (Yes My email Addy is ‘Public’) I have No Fear! Feel Free! ‘lancemarcom781@gmail.com’ ************** I quote her: “We” (Really? ‘We?—whois ‘We’?) She continued, “We are sick to death of reading about your dead sister! STFU!” Of course I could NOT let this go. I had to respond. And I did, … Continue reading
Weary
I have grown ever so weary of grieving. I have grown ever so weary of tearing. I have grown ever so weary of crying. I have gown ever so weary of dying (Deep inside—I AM still Alive!) Madelyn is not! She is dead and gone! Video Compilation Credit: Evan Burek If Madelyn had ever made … Continue reading
“How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?”
“Maria” (And some guy) Madelyn & Me! Me & Madelyn! Me and She On-The-Stage! Together! Stars! She & Me! Me & She! We had to share The Spotlight, but “The Play” Was always about HER Not Me As it should be. ******* She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’ “Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa … Continue reading
My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)
“One Day, You’ll Be cool.” —Said Madelyn to Lance **** I wanted to post this polished (And slightly edited) But, once again, WordPress is being STUPID! So… What you see Is what you get! I cannot edit the Goddamn thing! I’ll come back to this if I find ‘sober.’ (Don’t set your watch–and do not … Continue reading
Lance Looks in the Mirror
First time in some years… (Risky, Dangerous Enterprise? Yes?!) Casually regards the visage staring back at him. “Something’s missing,” he says. Dons DEVO hat. Yeah! Hell yeah! That’s the “Look!” ******** “Maternity Flight Suits????” Joe? Really? I never watched the movie, “G.I. Jane” (Because it was a farce and insulted the Navy SEAL program), but… … Continue reading
More Face-Dork Shit: Vain Fantasy Shit
(Perhaps I will revisit this post and edit it …But I doubt that.) Stream of unconsciousness “I mostly write about my past. (On my TT&H Blog–and here too, I guess) Recent past Not so recent past Some ancient history past. All true. All memories, My Memories, True Memories (‘Cept for the times I blacked out … Continue reading
First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well
Dateline: Late 1985 Time: 0800 hrs. Geographical Location: Great Mistakes Naval Training Center—Just south of Chicago. Venue: A Navy Auditorium Suspect: One Ricky-Recruit, AKA Marcom *Slips now into first-person narrative* I had arrived just a little later than was prudent. Hence, no seats in the back of the venue. Searched about. Scanning… Only open seats … Continue reading
Michelle, Ma Belle: Tease
“Michelle, ma belle. These are words that go together well. My Michelle”: This is a ‘teaser’ for something I am currently working. (‘Tis an expanding part of my “Great Mistakes Naval Training Center” Nascent Series) Remember “The Marine”? The Little Blonde One? Of Course you do! This will be way better. Believe me? Good. I … Continue reading
The Marine
Transcribed from a Facebook IM Chat session I recently had with my best (perhaps only) Friend: “Talking to you about Great Mistakes Naval Training Center reminded of a pleasant memory… Of A Woman—I know—difficult to fathom while listening to all my other ‘Sea-Stories’, but this one is a ‘no-shitter.’ Just trust me. There were no … Continue reading
Mandy’s of the World: Steer Clear of Lance Marcom! (Trust Me On This Ladies)
Typical, Representative of The ‘Mandy’ Species (In My Humble Experience Anyway) It has been my life’s experience that ALL women named ‘Mandy’ are good and decent people: Sweet and kind–if only just a little too innocent and blind. (to life’s Harsh Realities….) But without that, that innocence, they would be named ‘Bertha’ or ‘Helga’ or … Continue reading
The Rise and Fall Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise (CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS—In More Ways Than One)
And This Post Is Mainly Directed At Film Buffs In General And ‘Alien’ Fans In Particular. There is a lot of content here i.e., A Lot of Videos. I you don’t watch the vids, you are probably wasting your time. But You Do You Let’s Get On With It, Shall we? I always Like To … Continue reading
Something Wrong
(This Post Is A Chocolate Mess–All Over The Place) There must be something inherently wrong Something inherently, just wrong, with a man who can love Joni Mitchell–Mitchell and LBJ all in the same virtual ‘sentence’ I have seen idiots from ‘Both Sides Now’ And… I have been the ‘Both Sides’ Idiot. Still am, I suppose. … Continue reading
I am too Stupid to Figure Out How to Reblog One of My Own Posts.
(And Normally I would NOT Want To.) But This Is TEXAS INDEPENDENCE DAY! So I had to attempt a work-around. Recently in TEXAS: WHAT A MISERY! Commerce, Texas–short time ago (Where I am Hangin’ MY Hat) Home of TAMU-Commerce ************** I am curious to Discover if ‘THIS’ Works. I give it FIFTY-FIFTY. ************* Below is … Continue reading
Windows Are Not Impediments in My World:
Merely Distractions. How did I get so drunk so fast? I only had sixteen glasses of wine in twelve minutes! ‘Scuze for a moment. Bill Gates is on CNN. I have to remove a shoe, so that I might puke into it. BRB! OK. I tried and tried and I tried! To get through this … Continue reading
Greta! Garbo!
“I have been so in love with you since forever Greta.“ –Lance Marcom said that. To her face (She was not impressed) She just turned her back and walked away. Joining MS Muse on the Nasty Couch. And Certainly Laughing At My Expense… “I only want to be ‘let’ alone.” There is all the difference…. … Continue reading
“What you don’t know about women is a lot.”
–Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis) In This Vid Clip, You Will Discover Lance. Video Cred: Ted Reinert Lance loves women; He just cannot help Himself. He does not understand them. Therein lies that magic… “Moonlight in a Martini.” (Volumn is fukked. Crank it up!) Lance Romance. Added Value: “Breaks Your Heart Just Lookin’ At Her.” Snakes … Continue reading
Karen? (Nice to Know Somebody Loved Me) Once or Twice. I Always Loved YOU Karen
I don’t like spiders and snakes. But I do love Karen, Karen Carpenter. Video Credit: “Carpenters” Carpenters Duh! Karen? Why? Oh why? Why did you leave us? Karen! Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? I suppose you were broken As am I But I am still Alive! … Continue reading
The Joke Is On Me (And On You–For Even Being Here) Broadcast News
Facebook Post:Good morning!I am feeling somewhat “normal” today.Trying to stay two steps ahead of the neck pain.Taking lots of Ibuprofen and booze.Put MS Muse Out of my Misery.But I miss her already.I just may have a life after all.Or not.“O, that way madness lies; let me shun that;No more of that.”—King Lear, Act 3, Scene … Continue reading
Farewell Forevermore To My Best Ever Friend: My Abusive Muse. I am Sad, But Also Happy
*previous* Farewell To My Best Friend: The Abusive Muse This pains me to write. “Kate, We were only Yesterday. Now we are…” Today, and Yesterday, and Tomorrow. “I love you, and I Thank You.” Karen Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? Some of you good and loyal … Continue reading
Dead Reckoning, Abusive Muse: This is the End
Video Credit: Christian Davies Previous I was not to be denied. “Kate! Katherine! Muse!” I shouted, as I bounded from my computer chair over to her. “I love you! Will you marry me or no? I must know!” I stood in front of her, trembling. She stood up, sidestepped the nasty coffee table, and walked … Continue reading
Un-Requited Love! (Abusive, Callous Muse)
Credit: The School of Life The School of Life When last we left our hero… “I cleared my throat, mustered all the courage and moxie I had remaining, and said, “Will You Marry Me?” No respond; Just a blank stare. She retired over to the Nasty Couch, but not before gathering all her props: Glass … Continue reading
Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE
Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’ Fuck it! But it is a light-hearted Shit Post, mocking me even more than I mock Broadcast News: CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Etcetera & Ad Nausea And I am stalling, waiting for MS Muse to respond to my recent Proposal of Marriage She is sitting on the couch as I … Continue reading
“Texan Snowmageddon: A Play in Six Acts,” Or “Thanks 2020 for Bringing 2021 Up-To-Speed.” Nice Hand-Off
First of All…This is a Happy Texan Story, So do not get prematurely bummed out. And you may ignore the ‘added value’ of the music and the vids, but you will not experience the ‘full benefit’ if you chose to do that. “Snowmageddon” has finally been Kicked-to-The Curb. Texas Survived. I survived. Had to treat … Continue reading
More Wasted Pearls-at-Swine Facebook Nonsense Posted By Me. “Latest Styles & Colors!” & Baghdad!
“I am working on a new post, but it is too heavy for FaceBook. Will publish it on my Blog. Soon. Stay tuned! “Latest Styles & Colors!” I have six or seven pages of copious notes to make sense of. May take a day or two. Meantime, I just drop this bit of frivolity in.”
Snow, Texas (NO) Power & Light, Abusive Muse: True Love of My Life, All Mish-Mashed Together
Vid Share Credit: Retrospective Soundtrack (An aside: Katherine Ross is The Most Beautiful Woman In The History of “Woman.”—Precisely Why My MS Muse is Moniker’ed “Katherine.”) And “The Graduate” is one of the Greatest Movies Ever Made.—Don’t Believe Me?—Just Ask My Muse, Katherine. She’ll Set You Straight as you are picking yourself up off the … Continue reading
FOOTBALL! The Stuff That Makes Dreams
“Welcome to The Real America.” I was Born in Texas. I grew up in Texas. This is my fault. However… This is (Above) THE BEST Television Show About Growing Up Texan That Ever Was, Or Ever Will Be. Case Rested. Believe it not, I lived this life. I grew up, immersed in this culture. Ass-Deep. … Continue reading
Pygmalion-Like I Created Her & Then Fell In Love With Her
And it has occurred at me: I never ‘gave’ her a Proper Name. I am gonna go with ‘Katherine.’ Works for me (And Hopefully, Her) I was at my computer, banging out my latest travesty of prose. As Was instructed/demanded by MS Muse. Finished it and hit The ‘Publish’ Button. (I NEVER allow Anyone, not … Continue reading
Birth of a Writer, Via a Football Coach—Ludicrous—I Know, But A True Story.
No one cares about your novel!!! Sitting in a classroom. Football Coach at the helm. Year: 1974 Assignment: Write an essay. I was, back then, a better middle linebacker than I was a ‘writer’ But, what the hell! I gave it a go. Tried to anyway. Sat at my desk, pen in hand, staring at … Continue reading
“Just One More Year/Beer? And Then I’ll Be Happy?” Talk Comes Cheap.
Not That Fridays, or Saturdays, Or Sundays, or Mondays Mean Fuk – All to Me, But I do recall, Once Upon A Time, That The Day-of-the-Week was important. These Days, Not So Much. One Day Just Bleeds Into The Next. But Y’all know what? I am Good with that. “Just One More Year And Then … Continue reading
Roach Motel
BUGS! I LOVE You Bobbie Gentry! “Hey Look At me! With the DDT!” Naw, that would be ‘against-the-law!’ And your point is? Hehehehe…evil laugh “Hey MS Muse, Reach me that spray can of DDT: The one we got from the feed store. Oh! And ‘Please & Thank You’ in Advance.” (Don’t need no more ‘Muse-ic … Continue reading
Institutionalized ‘R’ Us: Or, That Place I Need/Want To Be
How I sometimes See/Experience My Mental Life: I have come to the stark realization that I am at my best when institutionalized. Long and varied History of this Follow The Orange Brick Roads if You Be Fearless, or Feckless–Either Works For Me: Sinai Field Mission: 1977-1980 U.S. Navy: 1985-1990 SEAL Experience: Ultimate Institution Iraq: 2005-2009 … Continue reading
“The Reports Of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.” –Mark Twain (And Now Shamelessly Stolen By Lance Marcom)
This is a True, Recent Story: Not Something From ‘The Archives.’ No Names Have Been Changed To Protect Innocents (Because I Don’t Know Any) ***** It was recently brought to my attention that there is a rumor making the circuit in My Home Town of Honey Grove: “Lance Marcom was found dead.” (Not sure where … Continue reading
Grateful, Thankful, Optimistic, Positive, Upbeat, Efflorescent, Fluorescent—HAPPY CAMPER
“Just be thankful for what you’ve got.” This is how I am living my life these days. Actually, how I have always endeavored to live my life. I Don’t have much at all, money-wise, material-wise but I am ‘Rich’ with things of much more Value and Worth and I AM Thankful. I am thankful, most … Continue reading
Just Another Example Of How I Tempt Fate With My Abusive Muse
I cannot resist. Because I am a Simple-Minded, Dumb-Ass Sailor. Apropos and Poignant Songs For Our Current Current. (But ‘Don’t Let It Bring You Down’—‘Sorry Neil’) Y’all Know I am Ninety Percent Positive and Upbeat. So, My Mood WILL Improve with just a little ‘liquid propulsion.’ “Hey Muse! Reach Me A Beer! I am a … Continue reading
Abusive, Pissed Off Severely, Majorly Pissed Off Muse
I was wasting my time and cooling my heels re-watching ‘The Wire’, and getting pleasantly smashed while drinking beer and wine. It was shaping up to be a good day. Presently, I heard screeching tires and gravel slinging and peppering against my window. Most Def, MY Muse, just returning from Yet-Another-Waco Trip to check on … Continue reading
Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses–Or, What You Will
Suzanne Verdal: Fascinatingly, Beautiful, Fantastic, Ethereal Woman.And The Quintessential, Perfect Muse.And this is gonna sound ‘messed up,’ but Suzanne reminds me of my Mother:One of The ‘Original Hippy Chicks.’(Link Also Awaiting Your Perusal at the End of this Post–‘Turtle Blues.’) No ‘New’ Prose From Me Found Here Today. Just some very-much-worth-watching videos If you are … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Three: Lance Thinking With The Wrong Head (But Favorite Mistake)
When last we left Our Hero, He was all over the telephone, sorting out (and paying for) The Extended Stay In The ‘City of Light’ with his new Love. **** As soon as I got everything sorted, settled and paid for, Ela telephoned her two kids: A daughter and a son—Bout 9 and 12 respectively. … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Two: In France We Kissed On Main Street
In France we kissed on Main Street Video Credit: MysticPieces ******** I was Free To Follow My Desire In Paris We spent an inordinate amount of time in our lovely, comfy little love shack of a hotel room. I had fetched along some of my most – favorite movies to share with Ela—Yes, at this … Continue reading
SPAM ALERT! “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” Posted on FaceFuk Today—Not Sure Why Or a Version of a Perversion
SPAM ALERT! “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” (Posted on FaceFuk Today—Not Sure Why) ***** I posted this on 26 January, but I don’t think ‘it took.’ So here it is again. Yep. SPAM Recycled Will Write Some New, Original Shit Real Soon. Promise. (Hey! I still have that bridge for sale–20 percent off–Today Only.) I am rather … Continue reading
My Writing, Self-Delusional Façade
Video Credit: Shea This was originally written for just one person, But in my vain vanity fantasy, I decided to ‘Shit-Post’ it here. (Because I am adrift at sea… And exhibiting my most hated characteristics: self-pity and self-loathing) These are gonna come off as some really vain, pompous questions, but questions I struggle with every day: … Continue reading
My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen
I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons. “With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke scours the state’s singers and songwriters, stars … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter One
“Non, je ne regrette rien” No, I Regret Nothing I first met her as “Paige” via eHarmony. She taught French at a High School in Springfield, Missouri. I was working and trying to stay alive in Mosul, Iraq, circa 2008. After about a week or so, we ditched eHarmony and exchanged emails, more photos, and … Continue reading
All The Leaves Are Brown
I have spent a great portion of my life living in California. First with my Mom back in the Sixties and then Later (Mid 80’s) When I was a Sailor Stationed in San Diego. I have always loved Cali (Of Course not as I LOVE Texas, But Love California I did.) So it is with … Continue reading
Oops! I Did It Again
On FaceFuk Transcribed in Below: ***** “Just a generic observation on Social Media in General and Writing in Particular: And for Ref: During the Vietnam War, and leading up to his resignation, President Richard Nixon preceded many public comments with the line, “Let me make one thing perfectly clear.” So, Humour me for a moment, … Continue reading
Happy, Positive, Upbeat Stuff To Lift Your Spirits
“I’m Just Livin’ On Things That Excite Me.” Because I am a ‘Cock-eyed Optimist. And ‘Life is a Cabaret.’ “Let The World Be Your Oyster.” The proverb first appeared in Shakespeare’s play ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’ published in 1602. In Act II, a character named Falstaff says: “I will not lend thee a penny,” … Continue reading
Even More Shit That Makes Me Happy: Critical Drinker
Today’s Episode is All About Just This One Brilliant Scottish Man And Since My Muse is still fuking off IN Waco with her ‘Other Client,’ And since I cannot seem to write any original shit on my own these days, I decided to drop in some of his videos for any film buffs out there … Continue reading
Back in the Day: Dead Guppies & Dying Dreams
Look at me! I’m Sandra Dee! (And Bobby Darin Too!) Bobby Darin: The King of Cool Video Credit: www53 ***** Back when Roberta and I were a ‘serious item’ I was living in an Old Rent House (Which belonged to one of my University Profs whom I used to screw (on the side—whenever she found … Continue reading
I am nuts—Cray-Cray—But I have discovered Someone Even More Nuts Than Me.
Aubrey Plaza. I love her.She is insane (In That Good Way)***** Funny How it has taken me so long to swerve into her…But I am here now. Wholly on-Board with her quirkiness and her cray-cray‘Better late than never’ I suppose.“Lucky for you Aubrey, that I am an old Fuk, otherwise, I would be stalking you.”With … Continue reading
Just Some More CNN Bashing
(Video Credit: FreedomToons) Since My Muse Has Once Again Fucked Off To Waco Due To “Previous Committed Obligations,” I am Forced To Shit-Post: Just To Keep The Embers Burning, Or at Least Somewhat Viable For Future Reference, or Need Ed Note: Regarding My Muse I really should consider finding a MUSE who is FOCUSED solely … Continue reading
PAIN IN THE NECK
Video Credit: ABKCOVEVO ******* So I woke up few days ago with excruciating pain in my neck. I immediately attributed this to the dream I had been having about THE MOST FLAGRANT Pain-in-my-neck I had ever experienced: MY LAST WIFE She was ALWAYS A PAIN IN MY NECK I left her. She was also a … Continue reading
Lance Living Large In The Lion’s Den
Try a little kindness This is just too rich not to share Something really bizarre and wonderful just happened to me. There was a loud knock upon my door. I figured it was Timothy wanting to beg a beer. I got up and looked out the peep hole. Wasn’t Tim. It was a lady riding … Continue reading
Here is a PSA: DO NOT FUCK WITH ME
Some youngish Black Bitch knocked upon my door (at zero four)Probably a whore“Are you alright?” she asked. “I heard something.” (Which is Bullshit)“Well, what did you hear?” I asked. She just rolled her eyes and walked away.These ppl don’t know who they are attempting to fuck with: I’m crazy (and dangerous)And I am packing: Big … Continue reading
ASSHOLES! SLAMMING DOORS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
And Therefore Disrupting My State of Somnambulistic Glorious Oblivious Glee. Just trying to catch a few Z’s here.Slamming Doors!Why??? What the fuck??? Why must you do this???I live here in the Lion’s Den Apartments as quiet as a Church Mouse.I know how to open and close a fucking door without awakening the dead.Because I RESPECT … Continue reading
Things That Go Bump In My Night
Zero four hundred hours and I am taking (trying to) take a nap. Bang! Clang! Bump! Crash! Boom! All of this emanating from my next-door neighbor, Timothy’s apartment. Our shared wall separating us was shaking, vibrating. I got out of bed, opened my back door expecting to see police cars or ambulances arriving. Nope All … Continue reading
NYC (Or CNN) Or Le Both, Ruined My New Year’s Eve Experience!
I LOVE NYC (or at least my fantasy nostalgic version of it from The Forties)For Lance, The New Year Only Begins when New York City drops that Big Ball in Times’ Square.This year they ‘Dropped the Proverbial Ball.” (Or did drop the Actual Beautiful Big Shiny Ball–I honestly don’t know–Because–CNN) And chose to broadcast fucking … Continue reading
I Want Another Jewish Princess
Reminiscing about my rebound lover from my living in Israel days… After That Moroccan Bitch Gladys had dumped me, I found a new, better girl. Her name was ‘Alanna’ And she was beautiful—very, very, VERY beautiful. First time I saw her I was smitten like a kitten. She had very long dark hair and even … Continue reading
MANHATTAN PROJECT
I cannot scare up anything original or clever to say about this movie. Because I am stupid and shallow. Or “Shallow and Stupid” (I don’t know which order works better for ‘literary’ purposes) **** Best I can muster: It is brilliant and It is all about writing and writers and relationships. And Mariel Hemingway is … Continue reading
Hamsterdam (Apologies to ‘The Wire’- Wonderful TV Series)
Way back in the day when I was a wee child and living in Kansas City with My Daddy and my Evil Step-Mom DJ, I had a pet hamster.
He Died. Continue reading
Annie! Don’t Get Your Gun—We Cool–Lah Dee Dah
I grew bored watching “Independence Day“ Couldn’t finish it. Was just wasting my time. I love sci-fi and of course I have seen this film already a few times. It was better years ago, but it just does not age well. So I pulled the plug on it and moved on. I selected a real … Continue reading
HANK SANK
One more silly Facefuk post: “The below ‘Independence Day’ speech was lifted right out of ‘Henry V’ (Or ‘Hank Cinq’—as I like to call it) Saint Crispin’s Day: The Battle of Agincourt Watch Le Both (If you are a film buff) But do it quickly, because FaceFuck will most likely delete this for ‘copyright violation.’ … Continue reading
More Shit That Makes Me Happy
Maybe it will make you happy too Related Credit: Pharrell Williams Credit: Sam O’Nella You gots to be mo’ careful: Credit: Sam O’Nella Credit: Sam O’Nella Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!) Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind. (I can certainly relate) … Continue reading
Oh Domino’s!
So I ordered some more nasty food from Domino’s. Delivery gal shows up with my order. “You got a receipt for me to sign?” “No. You’re good,” she said “That’s a shame, ‘cause I wanted to add in a cash tip for your prompt diligent delivery service. But since I cannot do that, here is … Continue reading
Continuing Saga of My Favorite Wife: Rhonda
(Video Credit: Brian) Yes. Yes I know! I skipped quite ahead with my last ‘Rhonda Post.’ Now I am gonna try to fill in the blanks and the timeline. (Shit! Just realized some of this is ‘rerun.’) Sorry Kids. Fuck it. I’ll get to the Next Chapter Tomorrow. For reference So one day she showed … Continue reading
Word to Anyone Who is Wise
This is a stupid post and pieced together from some stupid Facebook posts of mine. Some of it repeats itself. Please be kind if you choose to comment, I am mentally challenged. And yeah I know: the above is a classic example of a ‘comma splice.’ This was intentional in honor of one of my … Continue reading
“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After)
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why: At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time. Thank you Johnny: My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The … Continue reading
Dandy Don
I used to love watching the Cowboys play football. Pro Football today is not worth a cup of warm spit. This is my opinion and I am not shy about expressing it. Come back and hit this link after you finish reading this ‘marvelous’ post. Somewhere below is a wonderful tribute to the “Original Dallas … Continue reading
Coping With Hagen
“WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CAN CAUSE GUM DISEASE AND MOUTH CANCER” Now they tell me I may be properly fucked (Well at least it don’t cause WuFlu) How I live my life (But Y’all already know this): Video compilation credit: biggestkkfan
Never Piss Off Your Prostate (If You Do, You’ll Never Piss Again- And Then You Will Die)
It is taking me longer and longer to piss these days. As I was seated on the shitter trying to take a piss (now I sit down to piss—I know that is weird for a man, but my aim ain’t what it used to be). Anyway, couldn’t piss—needed to—so I dialed up my prostate: “Hey … Continue reading
B&B (No! Not Bed & Breakfast)
I tortured my Facebook friends with these; figured I’d torture my WordPress friends as well. What the Hell, right? ”Sharing is CARING.” Original FB text from my three demented posts: “Hey Baby.” You will laugh (If you’re sick and demented like me) (Vid compilation credit: Gary Diablo) More sick humor.(definitely NOT for everyone) You’re welcome. … Continue reading
Julie and Julia
This is one of the most charming movies from ‘semi recent’ times. It works on all levels. It is a delight to watch. P.S. I love Amy Adams. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. (Meryl Streep ain’t no slouch neither) And of course, this movie is all about ‘writing’ which hits so close to home for me, … Continue reading
Indigo Girls A Revisit: CALLEN
One night we got into an argument. No. That is WRONG. We had a minor ‘disagreement.’ over some bullshit. Callen was too sweet to get into an argument. (And I was so very fond of her) I would never, ever, ever do anything to truly upset her. She had one broken wing. I wasn’t gonna … Continue reading
FUCK YOU CNN!
Come on CNN! Why do you keep running the same shit on a loop? This ‘Anti-Trump’ shit. There is ‘Real News’ happening all over the world: Southeast Asia India South America Somalia Waco (Joke, by the way. Nothing ever happens in Waco–well once something happened, but that is ancient history–Waco got over it. And migrated … Continue reading
My Depth of Depravity Knows No Bounds (Could Be Worse I suppose)
What precisely is ‘chicken flavor’ and with other ‘natural’ flavors? I cannot believe I am actually about to eat this shit. A rat came by and begged a portion. Since I am generous to a fault I gave him one. He ate it and then promptly dropped dead. (Sorry Benny) I set my plate aside … Continue reading
More Shit From My War With Facebork
This post was censored by Those Assholes: Anyone who claims to know me (or at least has ‘read’ me—specifically my texantales.com com blog knows I am rather ‘Texan-Centric.’ There are many reasons for this, not the least of which is that I LOVE MY HOMELAND, Where I was conceived, born, and reared (as aside from … Continue reading
Green Onions
Since no one on my ‘Farce-Book’ Page seems to appreciate this, Thought I’d Post it for My REAL READERS. The only ones I truly give a shit about. Orig FaceFuck Post: “Magical, very sexy video Almost soft porn OK. I think I am done ‘Shitposting,’ for today. Maybe, but unlikely.” Video credit: RetroTVCentral”
FIERCEST LINEBACKER IN THE HISTORY OF LINEBACKERS: Dick Butkus, The Maestro of Mayhem
I was a linebacker when I played school-boy football for the Honey Grove Warriors (1970’s) I tried to be as fierce as Dick Butkus. I came close, but never quite made it. No one could have. Back when pro football was worth watching: “MOBY DICK IN A GOLDFISH BOWL” This is a “stolen” video from … Continue reading
HOT MAMA (Or “No Thanks. Food Makes Me Sick.”)
If I get really drunk, I may try to eat this pickle. And then I will seek out the Alien from “Alien” and kiss him on the lips. **** Update: Opened the package. Took a bite. One of the most disgusting things I have ever tasted–and I have eaten food from street vendors in Cairo. … Continue reading
More IN the Continuing Saga of My Abusive Muse
Muse returns from her brief sojourn to Waco to see another ‘client.’ (Apparently She was prepared to try witchcraft on me now–she had ‘tried’ reason–logic–chastisement–nothing seemed to be working. So now, Witchcraft. Good Luck with that, Muse.) “What have you been doing?” She enquires. “Working On Rhonda-Whatever-The-Fuck Chapter it is supposed to be?” “Drinking.” “Yeah, … Continue reading
Melanie!
The more I discover about this woman, the more I fall in fantasy love with her. She is so fucking charming. She captivates and fascinates. My God! But she is a beautiful woman! And she can sing en français! And MOST Important: She WRITES. “Mel, why did I NOT ever run into you? I would … Continue reading
I Need a Brand New Key
MORE RECYCLE
MOVE ON
THIS IS JUST FOR ME
AND
MELANIIE! Continue reading
TEXAS WOMEN
“That’s right; you’re not from Texas.” You have my sympathy. (Credit: Dating Beyond Borders) All the beautiful women still left in California who haven’t yet moved to Texas are just busily packing their bags. (Give them some time—they are on their way) But they gonna have a lot of competition: We have indigenous beautiful women … Continue reading
“TEXIT” OH HELL YEAH!
REPUBLIC OF TEXAS! AGAIN! Pretty sure all Y’all who know your history Know that Texas was an Independent Republic for 10 years before we fucked up and joined the “Union.” We be gone gone! So Long! Video Credit: Salty Cracker
Minnow Madness
One time during an “outing” to my Marcom 40 acre plot of land (the one with the three ponds–two smallish, one largish), I was with Peanut, Gene, Preston, Okry, and Sherri Taylor (not sure how she came to tag along with us, but there she was, among us—providing eye candy. For she was so stunningly … Continue reading
Is This Love Erin? Yep. From Where I Sit It Certainly Is
(Video Credit: DARK FIRE30) I’m Really Really REALLY infatuated with Erin Burnette. I don’t even know why. Maybe because she is smart. And so well-educated. This draws me. Like a moth to a flame. I LOVE smart women. Cannot resist them. (She absolutely is very intelligent–there is no debate on this fact) Maybe because she … Continue reading
DEAD GUPPY
As MOST of you know, I used to own a “Pet Shoppe.” Well actually it was just a Tropical Fish Store In Nacogdoches, Texas. Tropical Fish is all we sold. (and a few-odd Crustaceans–just for fun) This Monty Python bit cracks me up. Customer walks into my store. “My guppy died.” (I had a three-day … Continue reading
Lance In The Lion’s Den: Take Two
Got this under my door this morning: The door with the “Do Not Disturb” tag on the door knob. (Which just appeared one day as if by magic) Yeah: They’re onto me and my ‘ways.’ No One fucks with me. Smart move on their part. I LOVE living here! The Management actually gives a shit. … Continue reading
Rhonda: Chapter Two and a Half
One night after some passionate love- making, I rolled over, looked at Rhonda and said, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” She rolled over and said, “Don’t.” How could this White – Trash Okie Woman possess such much subtle knowledge and inject it into my mind? Of course, I fell even more madly … Continue reading
“I’m in a ‘transitional period.’”
Here’s the situation: “I’m in a ‘transitional’ period.” “Normally, I’d just fuck you up and move on.” (Yeah, I mangled the quote. So fuck’n what. I even edit Tarantino. That is just how pompous and arrogant I am.)
Rhonda Chapter (I forget)
While working as a calibration technician at “Spam” Instruments, One day this broad shows up as a ‘co-worker.’ Let’s call her name ‘Rhonda.’ For that was her Christian Name. We were working in tight quarters in a smallish factory room. Me calibrating my ass off. She assembling gauges her ass off. We almost fell in … Continue reading
And So This is (Not) Christmas
And so this is Christmas? Thanksgiving got fucked in the ass. Now Christmas is cancelled. Fuck You 2020! Video Credit: Stavros Sklavos Okay, just to prove I am not a complete asshole, I drop in some humor: Video Credit: Bocu Music Group MERRY CHRISTMAS TEXAS!
Time!
I love my life, but I see it coming to a close soon. (I ain’t no spring chicken) I have lived a FULL LIFE. I have been around the Whurl (and the World) TWICE I HAVE LIVED! I AM so Very HAPPY Now. I have made PEACE with me. Now I just write. I love … Continue reading
I am not “Obelisk” to YOU
Just a stolen Facebork Post Of Mine I thought I’d SHARE: “Since obelisks/ monoliths seem to be popping up all over the place, I thought I’d post this for hysterical reference: (See comment section for a link to JUST ONE Article if you have not been keeping up with Current Events–LMAO!) This Breaking News Brought … Continue reading
Tower of Babel
Tower of Babel–Still Under Construction: Halfway to Heaven (Lance Babble–This part is completed. Well, not really.) “‘Scuse me while I kiss the sky.”
Rhonda: Chapter Le Premier
This ain’t Rhonda, but a pretty (really pretty) reasonable facsimile. (Just like Rhonda) Once Janet and I had escaped (In the middle of the night) from Nacogdoches, after having sold out and sold our “Aquarium World” Crud-Eater Tropical Fish Emporium to a young couple for not nearly what it was worth, we headed to Plano. … Continue reading
Try to Climb Every Mountain
Today I am become Sir Edmund Hillary and will attempt to climb Mount Everest. Wish me luck.
Israel: My Favorite Country (aside from TEXAS)
So Iran is pissed off at Israel. Threatening Israel. HEY IRAN! FUCK AROUND. FIND OUT! Israel has the strongest, best military in the Mideast. They have the fiercest soldiers. They have the best technology. What you gonna do Iran? Throw camel shit against nukes? Good fucking luck with that. As anyone who knows me, knows … Continue reading
MUSIC BINGO
They threw a lot of “Mental Health Professionals” at us in Denton. They all had some “Game.” One of the more enjoyable “Games’ we played at UBH Denton was “Music Card Bingo.” Sorta like “Name That Tune” For Broken PPL As you can see, I did quite well. It actually was FUN. We truly all … Continue reading
Return To Sender
(Video credit: ticktock70) I ordered a new mind from Amazon dot com. (cost me some big bucks) But I think they delivered it to the wrong address. Anybody seen it? (It will be a very small package, marked ‘Fragile’ and Easily overlooked amongst all the bills and shit) Will be the package with the addressee … Continue reading
PISS OFF
Some bitch neighbor (not Timothy—who has not hit me up for a free beer in over a week—“Thank you, Tim”, by the way: I am NOT drinking for two), came pounding on my door. “Why do you flush the toilet so much?” Apparently she can hear that toilet flush through the wall and it disturbs … Continue reading
Cowboys (And Cowgirls) And Muses
Not your fault. Our World is currently lacking in “astute.” (Yeah. I am an asshole.) Muse says (Yeah, She came home) says, “Where have all the Cowboys gone?” “There is one right here in front of you. Open your eyes.” “I’ll go wash the dishes; you go have a beer.” “There’s a good girl.” Then … Continue reading
Dumb Blondes
LaSheeka hits me up on the handheld radio: “Lance come to the lobby; we have a situation.” “Okay. On my way.” Got there. Discovered some young blonde damsel in distress, Sobbing. “What’s the matter Girl?” I asked. (LaSheeka looked at me and rolled her eyes—yeah, I caught that look—she and I were mind melded—almost mentally … Continue reading
No Warning Sign
Well, I just awoke from my coma. Thought I was good to go. But had to go: Take a Piss. Did that. Mission accomplished. And then while trying to ‘navigate’ to my computer chair, fell flat on my ass, busting my head on something unforgiving while on my downward journey. And it fucking HURT. (I … Continue reading
Janis Ian handed my ass to me.
I said, “Do you wish me dead?” Lip service to books you’ve read Articles on how to bed a bird in flight You called it love I called it greed You say, “You take what you want” I said, “You get what you need” Go on, be a hero, be a man Make your own … Continue reading
Insanity
****** “Look What They Done To My Brain” Street Cred for Vid: amonem ****** Fuck You Bob! (Ed Note: This Post is Becoming more and more about Melanie, and less and less about Dylan. My Original intent was to do a Dylan Bit. I Got Distracted) The more I discover about this woman, the more … Continue reading
In Need of a Soft Woman
Linda is so beautiful. A treasure to be treasured. I feel really sick. I am not well. I wish now more than ever that I had a Good Woman to lay down beside me, wrap her arms around me, comfort me and hold me tight as I fall asleep. That is all I want at … Continue reading
Sensitive/Not Sensitive (My Muse has left me—Permanent—She Returning to Olongapo City—Or Wherever-the-fuck she originated ‘From’—Good Riddance. She was always a pain in the ass anyhow. “Bon Voyage Bitch.”
I’m fucking sensitive And Complicated. (And I’d like to remain that way) So if you are not ‘on-board’ with that, get the fuck outta my life. Because I will wreck your train. I will derail your ‘Vain Train.’ (I certainly have ‘derailed’ mine.) I am a fucking “professional” at derailing trains. Also pretty well-versed in … Continue reading
Attempted Sleep (Failed) Or… To Sleep, Perchance to Dream.
“The words of the prophetsAre written on the subway wallsAnd tenement hallsAnd whispered in the sounds of silence.” Need sleep. Turned off the TV. Turned off the lights. Turned off my computer monitor. Turned off the HVAC Turned off my mind. SILENCE. DARKNESS. Could not sleep. Too quiet. Not near dark enough. Trying to fall … Continue reading
No Ordinary Love
“I’d Give You The World if it Was Mine.” (My Only True Regret in Life: I Never Made a Daughter) Ethel, The Pirate’s Daughter sketched this ‘Self-portrait’ for me while we were enduring yet another long, boring, bullshit ‘help’ session at UBH Denton. She would often lay her head on my shoulder and grasp my … Continue reading
BREAKING NEWS: GNAT WAR ENDED–PEACE–IT IS A WONDERFUL THING. Hey! Look at Me! With The DDT…
Street Cred For Share Vid: benjichilders ******* I have made a fateful decision: I have thrown in the Proverbial Towel And surrendered to The Gnats And sued for peace. I am exhausted and wounded and SPENT. I no longer have strength nor desire, nor resources (out of Raid) to continue this war. I fucking sued … Continue reading
Hotel California. Uh, I mean Hotel Indigo: LaSheeka
One night she got pissed off (she had a hair-trigger—I loved her for that) “Why don’t you just get a fucking job?!” (Screamed at some pan-handler at Hotel Indigo late one night.) I just walked away, but said to her, “Baby, calm down.” She replied, “These idiots just piss me off.” Had to concur. LaSheeka … Continue reading
Lovely Muse-Chapter: I couldn’t care less. Guess how many fucks I give. Take your time. I got nothing BUT time.
Wake up call: Love Ladonia: “I like your twist, just stop tagging everything.” I could not disagree. Nor agree more. Thank you “Love Ladonia” (I was fucking born there, by the fucking way. What claim to fame do you have? How dare you to have the brass balls and the unmitigated gall and temerity to … Continue reading
Abusive Muse (Fuck it–I forgot what Chapter This Was Supposed To Be…)
Video Credit: Disturbed When I try to sleep I turn the volume on CNN. Because I cannot sleep in the Sound of Silence. I need White Noise. CNN always delivers. But tonight Fredo Cuomo is just too stupid to be stupid. He Has reached new levels and depths of stupid. Levels of stupid I thought … Continue reading
“Anybody got a match?”
“Anybody got a match?” Yeah, I got a match: Bogie and Bacall. I have ‘swerved’ once more into Lauren ‘Bacal’ (Jewish spelling of her name before Hollywood COERCED her into changing it) and Bogie whirlwind of late. **** Lauren Bacall, who died Tuesday (Aug. 12) at 89, had mixed feelings about her Jewishness. In “By … Continue reading
Pandora, The Most Beautiful Girl In The World…
Content cred: Julie Nolke *Ring Ring* “Hello? “Is this GOD?” (My Phone Was Glowing–Natural Assumption–I knew instinctively it was not The BatMan. As we have been ‘On The Outs’ Ever Since I accused him of Fucking ‘The Boy Wonder”–Long story) So, It must be God: He is the only one who ever calls me. *Pregnant … Continue reading
FaceBork and Word Suppressed
More News From the Front Lines of the Facebook/WordPress War **** This is Lance, convo’ing with Facebork and Word – Suppressed: “Customer Service” Hey Facebook and WordPress! Screw Both of YOU! Or perhaps you could screw each other. I would PAY real money to watch that PEEP-at-a-Geek Shit-Show. Here is an edit (Don’t Do it … Continue reading
“The Forgotten, Forsaken, Left-Behind Cantaloupe”
Yes. Yes. Yes! I know! This is stupid, but I wanted to post something today while I continue to work on that “Great American Novel” From FB: “Alright, since I am a lazy son-of-a-bitch and cannot seem to get my shit together and I NEEDED to PUBLISH something today, ANYTHING, I published this! Screw it! … Continue reading
Shit That Makes Me Happy (OH, and Dick Latson–Those Memories Make Me Happy Too)
Ode to Dick Latson (who I have unfriended on FB, simply because he never ‘interacted’ with any of my posts. Look up my “Facebook Philosophy” series at texantales.com if you give a shit) (I worked for him for over ten years–gave him and his business the ‘best years of my life.’ For not much money. … Continue reading
Christmas Camp Wolfe, Iraq 2007
One time while on R&R in Commerce with Roberta I hatched a plan. Since Parsons never seemed willing nor able nor wanted to… To recognize the great work and sacrifice My Men were providing in the service of The Mission, we were blowing up Saddam’s unexploded bombs so that they would not be turned into … Continue reading
Military Madness
“Solitary sadness creeps over me“ Three-Star General Woodbridge to the troops: “Men, I suppose you’re wondering why I have assembled you here today…” Shouts from the men: “We love you General!” General Woodbridge continues, “Men, we have an important, almost impossible, very dangerous mission, but I know you brave men are up to the task … Continue reading
The Trouble With Lance And Beer Cans (And Tribbles) I’m apologize for the U-Boob links— I may fix this later…. or not
The major problem with being an alcoholic (semi-functioning one with a brain) is that you are smart enough to talk yourself out of necessary tasks that need to be tasked and stupid enough to not realize you are deluding yourself into thinking that nothing else matters, ‘cept maintenance drinking. This is a delicate tight-wire you … Continue reading
History of The Entire World–The Genius That is Bill Wurtz
The Genius That is Bill Wurtz. I posted this on my Facebook Page. For my Friends to Enjoy, but It may have been over their heads. (Or maybe no one has time anymore to invest in watching something of quality—twenty second sound bites is what they want…) Now, I am not being arrogant. Nor pompous. … Continue reading
Titty Bars and the YMCA–San Diego
Back in the day (1986-7) when I was on the USS Callaghan DDG 994 and had more than a day of liberty (and before I had a vehicle) I would ride the bus to downtown San Dog and hang out in the titty bars. There was an old YMCA close by–The kind of YMCA that … Continue reading
We Are Living In Progressive Times (Or at Least I am)
So, I suddenly realized that my auto insurance expired two days ago. I have been ‘with’ Progressive over 9 years for my insurance needs. Paying just the bare amount to be ‘legal’. Don’t need no ‘comprehensive.’ Don’t need a million dollars worth of collateral dead man walking compensation. Don’t need no protection from “Acts of … Continue reading
Abusive Muse Chapter Three and 3 Quarters
Dateline: 24 OCT 2020 Time: 0020 hours. Some knocking at my back door. “Who is it?” I said. “It’s your Muse. Open the damn door.” I open the ‘damn’ door and sure as shit there she stood, looking as radiant as ever. “Did you get a tan? Looks like you got a tan. It’s a … Continue reading
The Good Old Days Are Right Now
There are so many reasons today to rejoice. We are living in wonderful, vibrant times. Ponder this: you can communicate with anyone in the world with just a mouse click or a keyboard strike. Could anyone have imagined this just a decade or so ago? The opportunities we have today! It blows my mind (what … Continue reading
“You Got an EBP?”
“EBP?” This means “Eye-Ball Problem.” Generally a statement hurled from a black woman at someone who is staring at her. I love strong black women (Hell! I don’t think I have ever met a weak black woman–they just do not exist.) Anyway… Here is my “EBP” story. It is very ‘light,’ so don’t get excited. … Continue reading
Indigo Girl 2: Callen, “The One That Got Away.”
CALLEN!My Girl!I wished upon a Star (But I Fell Too Far) Vid Share Cred: Louis De Nennie **** Not Callen, (Below) But almost a ‘Dead-Ringer’–Especially the Smile (Ed. Note: Callen Was / Is More Beautiful) “It’s pleasure to try ’em; it’s trouble to keep them.” “Breaks my Heart Just Lookin’ at Her” If… Jenna was … Continue reading
Indigo Girls Chapter One: Jenna
First “Indigo Girl”: JENNA My First night working at Hotel Indigo. Jenna, (Night ‘Auditor’—manager) asked me: “Do you like music?” “Of course. I love music,” I replied. “Look at this video,” she said as she came over to me with her cell phone locked and loaded. “OK” I watched some dude singing and playing guitar … Continue reading
Down and Out in Memphis Tennessee–Indigo Girls
I realize this is brief, but I am still awaiting the return from Waco of my muse, so, as I wait, I thought I would ‘tease’ this bit a mite. (Ever try to ‘tease’ a mite?) Almost an effort in futility Nevermind… OK, first ‘shift’ at Hotel Indigo (2200hrs to 0600hrs) I arrived twenty minutes … Continue reading
Why would a nice guy like you want to kill a genius?
Perhaps I’ll edit this later. Perhaps not. This sums up how I am feeling right now. ************** Saigon… shit; I’m still only in Saigon… Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back in the jungle. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I’d wake up and there’d be nothing. I … Continue reading
Short UBH Bit Saga Continued
A page from my Misfit Notebook while at UBH. (Note to self: “Self, you need to continue your UBH Saga.”) “Okay. I’m on it.” For anyone wondering why we had ‘homemade’ pens: They gave us only the innards–they didn’t want us trying to commit suicide with the plastic parts. So we improvised. Too Heavy? Fuk … Continue reading
UBH Beach Ball Bingo (And Waiting On The Bus)
An hour or two before I was scheduled to depart UBH, Brenda, the Ornamental Chinese Psychiatrist began a group session. She was carrying a rather large over inflated white beach ball with words scribbled all over it: Statements, questions, ponderings, et cetera. “Hello everyone, ready for a new session?” She cheerfully greeted all at Our … Continue reading
UBH: Cast of Caricatures
“Comphy Numb“ Sal (Hispanic Marine) Gift of Gab and Excellent Sense of Humor “Sadder than a Midget with a Yo-yo.” His quote. Not mine. Lydia (Old and Gray and Grizzled Away—but wonderful) Michael (Big dude. ‘Bout thirty stone.) We called him “Pete”—not sure why Christine (Bat – shit crazy. And obnoxious. And a bitch–but just … Continue reading
“Take That MaryPoppins Ubrella and Shove it ure Ass!” My Gawd! How Much How I MISS HER! UBH Post Continuation Teaser
My GAWD! I met a young broken woman while at Rehab. (Hell! We were all ‘broken.’ Otherwise how the fuck did WE ALL END UP IN THIS PLACE??) Let us call her name, “Kelsey” (Because that was probably her name) Once while KNEE deep in some dark philosophical discussion she looked me dead in my … Continue reading
Faith
Beautiful LadySuch Class! So Much Class! Religion. Specifically: Southern Religion More specifically: Texan Religion. I am talking Methodists, Baptists, Church of Chist(ers)—the Entire Gamut of The Faithful. I love all of Y’all. No secret: “Lance is an Atheist.” (This is well-documented.) However, I do love AND RESPECT All Folks of Faith. I just do not … Continue reading
More Facebook Philosophy
Dear Facebook Friends: (Rot-row—here we go again) “Dear FB Friends,” I begin again. I ‘use’ FB to flesh out new ideas for new posts. Most never come to fruition and most of my FB posts no one ever reads. Doesn’t matter. I write them. Mostly for me. Writing is generally an exercise in futility … Continue reading
Stage Four Zero Fucks Given Syndrome
I love becoming Sixty-Three. I have reached that stage of life whereby I can say what-ever-the-fuck I want to say. No Consequenes. No Reprecussions. No Nada. (You got some ‘Nada?’—bring it!) What the hell anyone gonna do to me that has not already been attempted? I give zero fucks what anyone thinks of me. This … Continue reading
Facebook Philosophy
I Recently Posted this on Facebook (not sure why) ****** “To All My Facebook Friends: I love to ‘share’ stuff. (This is the ‘primary purpose’ of FB as I understand it) Some of the things I ‘share’ are good. Some other things not so much. But I share anyway. Why? Because I can Because I … Continue reading
“So, You Want To Be A Writer?”
(Vid Credit: Shea et al) “Yes, I do!” “I write; therefore I am” –Bastardize quote from Rene Descartes. Pounding out shit, day after day is sometimes difficult, but when it ‘flows,’ it is fucking magical. And worth all the agony. I love it! I love it when it ‘works.’ I despise myself when it doesn’t. … Continue reading
Texas is Hell on Women and Horses (And Alcoholics)
I am struggling. Failing. Flailing. Just another dead fish. Going with the flow. Looking for distraction. Abstract things to fill my mind. And take me to some happier places. Mostly Movies But also music. But the booze trumps all distractions. And makes cowards of us all. Such an evil mistress. She gives and She takes. … Continue reading
Invitation To The Blues
Back in some day. Back in “The Day” Right After I “Rocked Out” of BUD/s—SEAL training, I found me on the USSSS Useless Calaghan, DDG 994. Having nothing better to do, I would take the bus from 32’nd Street Naval Base to Downtown San Dog. Not much there. ‘Cept Titty-Bars. I embraced them … Continue reading
There’s a Gnat In My Beer
There is not a way I am gonna try to explain everything that is ‘going on’ in this photograph. Suffice to say, it is just my attempt to ‘photo-document’ the gnats what are trying to steal my wine. Yes, I realize they won’t drink much, but damnit! They can buy their own wine. And I … Continue reading
“The Letter Said He Was Reported Dead.”
“Near the front lines he’d been found A mine blew his jeep into a twisted heap And I still hear the sound Of the wheel that kept spinnin’ ’round.” ***** For some bizarre reason, this song reminds me of my first wife, Janet. I suppose it is because she was in the U.S. Army Reserve … Continue reading
The Shit Show That Is My Life
There is a very rare and narrow window into my world. Let us call it the ‘Sobriety Window.” For lack of a term. Sometimes, I attempt to thrust me out of that window. Sometimes I just ignore it Sometimes, I actually make it outside. Into the ‘Real World.’ Then I panic! Try to get back … Continue reading
This Boat Is Sinking
There is no thumbnail below. I cannot fix it. Just trust me. It is Annie. “You don’t know what I fear.” (How could you???) MY “Hood:” Immediately after I was delivered to my front porch from UBH, I boarded my little Chariot and went to the Beer Store. I did NOT fall off the wagon. … Continue reading
“Ludicrous” is Just a Scare Word. (I’m Over My Head, But It Sure Feels Nice.)
But, I am having THAT TIME OF MY LIFE! My life has taken a turn toward the bizarre. Recent memory (of which I have not so much) Recent memory teaches me my life may be falling apart. But then… I look at my prolific writing of late. And I smile a ‘knowing‘ smile while regarding … Continue reading
Zen & The Art of HVAC Maintenance
“Knock! Knock! Knock!” upon my door this morning. “Who’s there?” “Maintenance.” Rot-Row. “What did I fuck up?” Were the first thoughts in my head. I opened the door. Full-Sleeve’d Tatoo’d young HVAC Guy standing there. “I’m here to clean your A/C.” “Well, come on in. Sorry for the disarray; I am still moving in.” (After … Continue reading
Leaf Lady, Brick Walls, Jaguar Engineering, And Driving While Blind
Leaf Lady was seriously raking leaves in the midst of a thirty-knot wind across the street from my house. Every time she managed to accumulate a pile the wind would sweep them away. (Leaf Lady looks almost exactly like ‘Granny’ from the Beverly Hillbillies–and probably about the same age) “Goddamn Mother-Fuck!” she would scream as … Continue reading
Cabin Fever–UBH–On Quietus.
I think I gots ‘Cabin Fever.’ “This mornin,’ I shot six holes in my freezer; I think I got cabin fever. Somebody sound the alarm!” Visualize me trying to explain all the nuance of this to Commerce’s Finest…. “Well, you see, Officer… there was this woman… And ReHab, and… That Fridge… was Antifa…” “Assume the … Continue reading
Poem For “Ethel”–Fake Name–UBH: Interlude
Black Hair Black Eyes Bright Smile Great Thighs Wily Words From Her Mouth Gave No Pause Left No Doubt Words Delivered With Such Charm Better Watch Out You’ll Be Disarmed Your Walls Came Crashing Down Your Weapons On The Ground She Was Standing There (Laughing At My Folly) Laughing Everywhere You May As Well Surrender … Continue reading
UBH Chapter Two
So, after the ‘checking in’ process was sorted, I was led into the ‘Community Room’ and parked there. “Wait! Where is the help I was promised?” “The doctor will be about shortly” “Okay. I’ll wait.” I sat down in the corner and observed the people—my fellow in-mates. The whole group seemed to be rather lethargic. … Continue reading
Denton UBH Day One: Stepping Through The Door
Arrived 1822 hrs. Delivered there by two very attractive young Hunt County EMT’s. They were almost twins, in their young innocent female forms. I was ‘in love.’ With both of them. Why not? I’m liberal. Alas, could not last. The Ambulance Ride had been extremely bumpy, long and loud, and un-comfy. I was strapped to … Continue reading
Abusive Muse–Act Three and a Half–Interlude.
I returned to my keyboard and typed: “Dear Helen, I am so very sorry.” Announced to Muse: “Okay. Done.” She came over, read what I had written. “That’s it?” “Yeah. Succinct. Perfection.” She grasped me by my hand… “Come sit down with me on the Nasty Couch for a moment.” “Uh… Okay.” “Lance, I am … Continue reading
Abusive Lovely Muse–Chapter Two
I sat down and starting writing. Muse was over my shoulder, massaging my hurting neck. “What are you doing?” I asked. “My Job, Musing.” “Knock it off! I am trying to work here.” “Jesus! Relax.” “Why don’t you sit down? I don’t need a spider looking over my shoulder.” She looked a bit hurt and … Continue reading
The Abusive Muse
‘WAKE UP!” “Whaaaa?” “Wake the fuck UP!” “Who are you?” “Your Muse.” “Oh, I thought You That Delirium Tremens Monster.” “No. He will be around later. Right now you have me.” “Okay. Something on your mind?” “Yes. You need to get up and write.” “I am sleepy.” “Time enough to sleep when you’re dead.” “Really? … Continue reading
Perchance To Dream
For Weeks I could not Sleep. Now All I want to do is Sleep. I am going to check out for a while. And WRITE. Do not be concerned. You may or may not hear from me for awhile. Or ever again. Please do NOT become a ‘Good Samaritan’ and call 911. Or email me. … Continue reading
William Henry
Back in 1974 I found myself at Warrior Stadium, Watching the HG Warriors kick the ever’ loving shit outta those Fannindale (dale?, del?) Ladonia! I was born in that town, ’57! Guess I can call their football team what-ever-the-fuck I want… Falcons. I should have been on the field, but I had opted out my … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter The End: “You Shoulda Planned Ahead”
This is the end of my “Escape From Memphis” Saga. I am done. Done with it. Finished. Caput I am managing my disease. Poorly. But, I am still breathing. Ran outta booze at zero-four this morning. I shoulda planned ahead. Today was Sunday. No relief until Noon. (Texas!) What to do? Pace back and forth … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter Twelve and a Half– Friends
I have very few friends. But the ones I have are ‘keepers.’ I love them. They, of late, are ‘concerned’ about my Mental state. “Doan worry,” I assure them. “I am in a good place.” “Ya sure?” They always ask. “Yep. I am certain, anything else on your mind, or did you just call to … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter Twelve–I have found me a home
“The days drift by They don’t have names None of the streets here look the same And there’re so many quiet places And smilin’ eyes match the smilin’ faces” –Jim Buffett So here I am. “What now, Cowboy?” “Dunno.” I am ‘managing’ my disease. I suppose this is a ‘plus.’ A ‘good’ thing. Okay, there … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter 11–Checking Out
Some many minutes (hours?) later a Brand New Pretty Female Doctor arrived to wake me. I really was feigning sleep. She introduced her lovely self. “I am Doctor So-and-So and I am day shift. How are you, Mister Marcom?” “Passing fair,” I said. “We have all the arrangements made for you to go to Garland … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter Ten: Psychiatrist Interrogation
Attractive Young Psychiatrist Nancy began her questioning in earnest: “How long have you been drinking?” “All my life,” I said. “No, I mean recently.” “Oh, ‘bout forty days and forty nights.” (No chuckle; guess she was gonna be all business from this point.) “Do you feel like hurting yourself? She asked. “Pretty certain that is … Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter Nine
The ‘Taker of Vital Signs’ guy came in.
Hooked me up to all the usual suspects.
Then Vampira came in, needled me and stole some blood. Continue reading
High recognitions . . . Beware of unjust words
Unjust Words. My sins follow me. Wherever I go.
Escape From Memphis Chapter Eight.
Sometime near to eight pm last night the Delirium Tremens monster woke up. Continue reading
Madness And Sadness And Gladness, (and Sorrowful Joy)
Took Me A Day And A Half,
But I have finally finished watching
“The Dresser” (for the 20th time)
(I don’t like to rush things) Continue reading
Oh Why Not?!
I can always delete it later. Continue reading
New Mindless, Stupid Post. I suppose It Don’t Matter Anymore.
Perhaps I will re-visit and edit it later. Or not. At this late point, don’t matter none. “What-the-fuck ever Lance.” “Get on wid it’ (best Peanut Quote I could muster) For Fuck sake!” “Okay! Okay! Relax!” (‘You do realize I am mentally impaired?”) “Never noticed.” “Okay, may we move on? I have a very brief … Continue reading
Redemption Song
May we discuss ‘redemption?’
Of course we can. Continue reading
Pissin’ In The Wind
You realize shit done got real when you have to hang onto the sink to steady yourself Continue reading
I Don’t Even Know Where to Begin
II thought the world
was
fucked on August 08, 2014.
Little did I know… Continue reading
“You A Drunk Fool!”
This is just a comical interlude of how I feel. Continue reading
Daniel and Lance and The Lion’s Den
In a respond to a friend
(name redacted)
Dearest ****
I live in a sleezy hotel.
There is no kitchen.
No proper sink
“No phone, no pool, no pets, I ain’t got no cigarettes”
I am an awesome cook.
But I require a kitchen for that. Continue reading
Pick Up The Tempo
Just A Preparatory Warm up to get me warmed up to begin my Deep Dive into ‘Phases and Stages.” Continue reading
“Lions and Tigers and Drunks, Oh My!”
I’d like to teach Y’all something about alcoholics.
We are not stupid Drunks. Continue reading
Spoiler Alert: New Project — Stand by For Heavy Rolls As The Ship Comes About
Mind Lost!
Human Minds!
I do believe I have misplaced mine. Continue reading
Life Is Just A Tire-Swing
With no great humility, I make the following profound statement:
“I have never been happier in recent/decent remote past memory” Continue reading
Escape From Memphis—Chapter Three—Shawn.
So they put me on a stretcher and schlepped me out of the Hotel Magnuson. Continue reading
Escape From Memphis—Chapter Six
But writing, not unlike life, is not linear.
Continue reading
Madness! And Sadness!
Madness is NOT a communicable disease. As is WuFlu, or Mumps, or Measles, or even AIDs. No! Madness is just genetic. (I am hoping) And therefore, may be cured. Vain fantasy. Who am I kidding? Madness is inescapable. It cuts to the quick. To the core. It is ALWAYS with… You. For fucking ever. No … Continue reading
Humility Industrial Complex
So I have been ‘reviewing’ my recent posts on Socialist Media. Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter Two
So I woke up the next day, around the crack of noon.
No hangover.
Alcoholics to not suffer hangovers. Continue reading
Escape From Memphis–Chapter One
The Lamp is broken.
(You’ll have to scroll down)
Must I do ever’thang?
Henry The “Just A Dog, Dog”–And Now His Watch Has Ended
He was just a dog. Continue reading
Yep! They Were! “Don’t RUST On My Parade:
“Petty Officer Marcom! Your Fifty Cals are Rusty!”
I had to admit. Yes they were. Continue reading
Great Songs for a Rainy Day
“Here in Savannah Memphis it’s pourin’ rain “Palm trees in the porch light like slick black cellophane. “Will you still love me when I get back to town?” vid credit: Christian T. Davies Not really melancholy, but if I were, this song just might push me further that way, in that direction. Peace, -Lance Real sorry, … Continue reading
He Drinks Now Most Nights With the TV On
And all the house lights left up bright. Happy New Year. “I’m gonna blow this damn candle out.” “Holidays are hard on some guys.” (I stole that line from a favorite movie of mine, loosely based on a wonderful play by some guy: “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” which I first saw in the Sinai, … Continue reading
That’s My Story (Spacemen from Mars stole all of my money–I can play the game. They Love me Just The Same…)
Proving (once again) That My Life Has a Sound-Track (Yes, there will be more) *heavy sigh* Stand by for heavy rolls as this ship comes about. (USS Callaghan DDG-994) My First Vessel Just a man I once had the honor of shaking hands with… Cesar Chavez What’s that word? I think I’m eccentric. –Oh … Continue reading
The Happiest Year of My Life Remembered
The news of late from CNN foretells the fall of Anbar Province and of Baghdad. I spent one year working in Anbar Province. This was the happiest (on record) year of my life. I am attaching a video and yes it is corny, and yes, the music is somewhat ‘gay’, and no, this was not … Continue reading
They Say It’s Your Birthday (and please read/watch this one) It may be my swan song.
Tomorrow I embrace my Sixty-Third Year. So what? I find me asking me of late: “So… Lance, what have you done?” Vid Credit: johnlennon And ‘somewhat’ related: And…Talia Shire Will never, ever look so good. Again. (That Beret! That Beret! Cabaret!) And of course, not without saying… Joel Grey. And Liza… And Michael York. And… … Continue reading
Heart Attack ACK ACK ACK! (You oughta know by now…)
(“It seems such a waste of time.”) I really *like* this post. (guess I have no choice) Some of Y’all may have seen this one coming. Some also may have discerned one salient fact point of my perception of myself: ‘I think I am bulletproof.’ *insert BUD/s here* Hell! I have always lived my life … Continue reading
I Fell in love with Her
But, it was just a summer thing. I got over it. Well, not really. I ‘like’ Jane Fonda too… (Shhhhh! Don’t tell anyone) Vid Credit? You know who you are. Have your people call my people: We’ll do lunch. In keeping with my ‘Newly Re-Invented’ Self, there is something subliminal working here. Just sayin’… Had … Continue reading
I Don’t Even Know Where to Begin
When I go to a post and find a video, or a song, I always watch/listen, simply because I assume the author put it there for a reason. I take the time. I am distraught today “Why?” Because of… News… I am watching CNN, Al Jazeera, even FOX. Things are fucked up. Really fucked up. … Continue reading
Hamas, Gaza, IDF, Israel, Intifada, and U.S. (us) And why we should care (?)
Some of you may know of my history in the Mideast. Most of you may not. Some of you may know I get emotional about issues. Some of you may not. Some of you may give a shit. Some of you may not. I flip a coin It comes down on both sides. It lands … Continue reading
Lyndon Johnson, Just Another Schmuck Lookin’ Out for His Nuts
Yes. A Repost. If you do nothing else, please scroll down and listen to the clip. It is hysterical (and real) Even better. Cheers Y’all and Happy Saturday Oops! Sunday (is it?) *** Lyndon Baines Johnson Texan, Father, School Teacher, Rancher, & Much Maligned 36th President of The United States of America. I love … Continue reading
Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife
I was sorely missing Texas and though I was never what one might call ‘A Hardcore Country Music Fan’, I was feeling nostalgic. So I bought me some Nocona’s, a Stetson, Wrangler’s, some shirts with snaps, a string tie, and off I went, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places Continue reading
Ode’ to Facebook…
She nailed it. My Beautiful Sister, Ann Marie Vancas, wrote this and posted it on Facebook. So naturally I had no qualms about stealing it. (I did ask her permission however) Seeing and reading into pieces of people’s lives….the musicians..the actors…artists…housewives…doctors…famous and the not so famous… The memes…the themes…the lives and the lies.. People crying..and people … Continue reading
“Goin’ To The Chapel…”
Apparently marriage to me is not much more binding than a hand-shake. Continue reading
Last Throw-Back: “One Day, You’ll Be Cool.”
(Update 2021: Now she’s Dead.) And my heart is forever broken. (I never got the chance to demonstrate to her how ‘cool’ I had become…) This is a PAIN FROM WHICH I CANNOT WALK AWAY I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, NOW & FOR-EVERMORE Madelyn! MY SISTER MY FOREVER SISTER! (Yeah. We (Madelyn and Me) Were … Continue reading
Fuk”Put Your Money On The Table And Drive It Off The Lot”
Uh… Just to kick this off, Please watch to this bit to get y’all in the mood: Here is a ‘novel’ approach (Well not really for me) However maybe for Y’all: This is a ‘work-in-progress’. Most writers polish, polish, polish, then anguish, anguish, anguish, and then… finally… publish. I subscribe to a slightly different philosophy tenet philosophy: … Continue reading
Daily Lenny: A Perverse Act, Pissing in the Sink
C’mon Guys (and Gals) fess up: Have you ever pissed in a sink?
I know I have. Continue reading
This Never Got Any Play: The Snapping Turtles Part Probably Killed It…
“We’re goin’ camping out to The Lake,” Peanut announced. “You gonna come, or what?” Continue reading
In Keeping With TTales & Hieroglyphs Virtual Ink Green Earth Policy…
We would like to Recycle This: Hauling Hay For Fun & Profit: It’s been a while since I have written about Peanut but he has been on my mind of late. A few of us in Honey Grove during the Seventies, not being afraid of hard work and also not being afraid of making good money … Continue reading
Litigiousness
Okay So now Jackson Browne’s lawyers are suing my lawyers. Browne’s peeps claim I slandered him (calling him a ‘Miss-all of Y’all Oh-Gist’) Gonna sue me? Guess what? Ya can’t get blood out of a turnip and you can’t pick a lock with a wet hering. Christ-on-a-cracker! I cannot even spell ‘misogynist’. Is the man … Continue reading
Please Don’t Shit in my Showers (a revisit)
The Jordanians are coming: Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t comphy, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do not complain.
They are Marines. Continue reading
I Did Promise Music and Laughter: I Kind of Lied (BTW: All Lives Matter)
I actually gave this some serious thought earlier today. And truthfully I was inspired by a post I read over yonder at P.R.O.B.L.E.M.S. We were talking about optimism. Well Sharon was but it got me to thinking. (Scary, yeah.) Anyhow, I had this post develop in my head. A post about good and bad. A post … Continue reading
My Friend Jimmy
Since I am in “Peanut Mode” tonight, I thought I would post this excerpt from a very ‘early-in-my-blogging days’ post regarding same, in the vain hope some would read the bits in their entirety: Sharking, Campin’, Bow-Fishin’. Seems to me we sometimes realize far too late the true value of friends had and lost. There … Continue reading
On The Street Where I Lived
All the houses on Bruning Street were brand new. And they were all alike. But their alikeness did not dampen my spirits, especially since mom and I had left the moldy old garage apartment across town. I had finally escaped that place and the Ghost of that Murdered Turkey. Continue reading
Three Days in the Life of a Southpark Survivor
This was originally posted 02 FEB entitled Letter from a Southpark Jail. I decided to re-post it as a series of ‘Chapters’ in the hope of making it a more manageable read. Chapter One: PAX Terminal, Camp Dwyer The following is a transcribed letter I wrote to a Significant Other while cooling my heels in … Continue reading
Texas Inferiority (Betcha Never Heard That One)
Texas has (a little bit of) an inferiority complex Here is why: Texas really was never a part of the ‘Old Plantation’ South. We were, for the most part, dirt farmers, miscreants, outlaws, and such. Most of us did not own slaves. We just worked. We were poor. When secession issues came to town, we … Continue reading
Well, I just got back from New York city; Kris and Rita done it all
“Rita Coolidge, Rita Coolidge cleft for me” –Willie Nelson Since it is still Texas Independence Day, I am gonna continue to bombast my Blog with Texans I admire. Here is (in my mind) one of the greatest (and most misunderstood and underrated) Texans: Kris Kristofferson, Rhode’s Scholar, ruffian, redneck, poet. He married well. Too bad … Continue reading
Happy Birthday TEXAS!
Brother Dave on Texas: Today is Texas Independence Day! THE ORIGINAL DIXIE CHICKS Sorry the photos are fukked up. I don’t know why WordPress tries to get ‘Cute.’ Actually, I DO KNOW: WordPress is Fucking Useless! LAURA LYNCH – EMILY ERWIN – MARTIE ERWIN – ROBIN LYNN MACY (Above and below) MARTIE ERWIN – ROBIN … Continue reading
Armadillos Should Not Golf
“Golf is a Gentleman’s and Lady’s game.”
I looked around at my twenty-odd fellow PE classmates sitting Indian-style in a semi-circle in front of Coach. It was late spring in Winnsboro Texas. I was twelve.
Poking my buddy (a lanky, slow-drawling ugly tow head of a boy named Gary) in the ribs with my elbow, whispered, “Golf? What’s he talkin’ ‘bout?” Continue reading
Never A Shot Fired In Anger: Just Sweet Revenge
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Not an everyday alcoholic, but he did have a schedule and he stuck to it religiously. Continue reading
How I came to live in the Shit Hole Garage Apartment which was not really a garage apartment, but only a Shit Hole underneath a garage apartment
“I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake.” Memory fails, but I have pieced together something approaching honest fact. I lost my posh digs at Ponderosa Apartments, and was forced to down-size. Madelyn, My Sis, was living large in the ‘Proper Garage Apartment’ and was ‘in good’ with the Landlord. She informed me … Continue reading
Braum’s Vern. Braum’s. Know what I mean?
Video Construction Cred: KP2013Rules **** Jim Varney studied Shakespeare at the Barter Theater in Abingdon, Virginia. Most folks don’t know he began his career as a Thespian. He is of course, most remembered for portraying ‘Earnest’ in hundreds of commercials during the Eighties and Nineties. (And for a few horrible movies based on the same … Continue reading
No Bare Feet Beyond This Point
I grew into manhood in the Sinai desert: 1977-1980. Missed out on Disco, but it was damn well worth it. Continue reading