Fake Bitch: Not Fake: Not Fake Never Fake: Since I retain my Third World Mode… And count my blessings… Yet I possess empathy. I have been to Africa. I have seen it. Have you? (Vid Cred: Leeshan)
Livin’ Life Large Here in The Den, Lion’s Den
I had a package delivery todayMy neck collar/embracementBut more important:Thank You Cards—BlankI filled out three:One for that dude who helped me into my house last week when I was so ‘shaky.’One for Deb—Hotel Management, WardenAnd of course one for, the main one of course … for Cynthia— Walking BossI shouted her down as she was … Continue reading
I tried to make a ‘Short List’ of all the Women I love and admire. Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?!
WordDepresswd
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Bugman Visit Cancelled! Thank God! And Thank Cynthia!
(I don’t need no more Bug trouble) Cynthia dropped in earlier; inquired after my state of health.I told her I was OK.She reminded me that this was the day she was to clean my hooch.I begged her not to bother—not her job.And she said, “OK Baby, but if you change your mind…”As we were in … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Four, Wayward Bound
Actually in my last post, I kinda lied. We were on the same plane but bound for two different destinations:She to Missouri.Me to Texas. During the flight across the pond to America, I went back to the stewardess shack, and said,“See that Nordic Blonde there in 27B? She has agreed to marry me. Got any … Continue reading
Bad Fortunes. Bad Dreams. Are Always Trying To Gang-Tackle Me, (It Seems), But Then They Are Chased Away. By Good Fortune & Good People. (Perpetually in The Nick of Time)
***** But then comes along… I’ve had a rough week and change. That last big storm we’d had shot down a lightning bolt into my ‘back-yard’ and knocked out my internet. For FOUR DAYS! (Thanks so Much for THAT, Zeus) It tried to gasp itself back to life. I was powerless to help. No CPR … Continue reading
Sandra
It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’ I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.Okay? ***** I Can Relate: Never Hesitate ***** Bonus Track: Cred for Vid: Chadman2000
Time After Time
I’ve made up My Time Following The Sublime I’m losing My Mind I’m going away. Call me ‘Ash-Tray!‘ Gone Far Astray Okay?? Away! ***** I mean call ME“Asshole” Or Call me ‘Ismael’ Uh… On Second Thought, Please Don’t Call me ‘Ismael’ Fuck it! Just Call me! Call me ‘Lancelot-Link, Secret Chimp.’ I’ll answer to that. … Continue reading
Hooray For Hollywood! Wish I Could… Still Give a Shit. But The Magic is Gone. Long Gone. So Long!
Credit: TOPPOP: Star sisters ******* Hey Film Buffs!This (Below) is Required Watching! Right On! Spot On! Dead On! Thank YOU! Critical Drinker Man! You Nailed My Same Same Sentiment! Visit Crit Drinker Here Below: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSJPFQdZwrOutnmSFYtbstA The Genesis of all this Bullshit: ***** And No!I also did NOT watch ‘The Oscars’ on My Tee-Vee Either. I … Continue reading
Houston, We’re Screwed.
Pondering, Reflecting, Dissecting, Thinking back (Yeah, I do that sometimes) The thinking part Whilst ‘Thinking’ … I came upon the stark realization that I have been perpetually ‘online’ since 1990 First Step: Admitting You Have A Problem (The Admittance Part is The Hardest Part—Guess That is Why it is First-On-The-ListOnce You Get PAST That…Rest is … Continue reading
That Happy News! Still Friends in 2525
Still Stayin’ Alive! I Feel ‘Blessed’And that’s a Stretch(Since I’m an Atheist) Street Cred for Vid: Sanjin Brilliant! Love it! Just awakened from my coma.Had some wonderful/happy news from a friend via voicemail.(Won’t doxx him) But suffice to say, he’s gonna be OK,(Until 2525 Anyway!) I am happy–everyone deserves some, a little, ‘happy’ in their … Continue reading
English!
(I still love you Baby!) But I had to go See way below… For all the reasons this is so English!I love everything English/British!I had one once.She drove me crazy!I was no longer the smartest in the room.She made me crazy I still love her And I still miss her Marvelous much Woe is me … Continue reading
Arabia (Amman, Chapter The First) “Maggie”
I worked in Amman Jordan for six months.(Parsons/Bechtel evacuated Iraq at the end of our project—USAID Rural Water Project) We had completed all the ‘on-the-ground’-work.Nothing left to do but finalize the paper-work.We could do this in Jordan. It was ‘safer‘ So said Parsons—No need to get anyone else kilt in Iraq—Made sense I suppose. I … Continue reading
Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? You’ll need it. Life Imitating My ‘Art.’ Hits a little too close to My Home: Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock … Continue reading
‘Siskel & Ebert’ (& Lance): Movie Impressions
“A charmingly, delightfully, hysterically funny movie. And actually, quite Touching and Endearing.(To me anyway)Not gonna be everyone’s ‘cup of tea.’But my teacup runneth over. Three Thumbs Up! Your mileage may vary.” —Lance ‘Ekbert’ Maria Bakalova: My Latest ‘Crush’ (Yes. Lance is a Dirty Old Man–Sue Him–He’s Old, But He Ain’t Dead) **** When the world … Continue reading
Babes, Info (Info-Babes)
(“Babes, Info: Plural. Colloquial.”)—Lance Webster ******** I am not a fan of Babe Ruth (Or of His Candy Bar) I am not a Fan of ‘Babes-In-Toy-Land’ I am not a Fan of Fukked – Up Word-Depressed ‘Customer-Service’ Babes I am not a fan of ‘Babe The Pig‘ I am not a fan of Babe Actresses … Continue reading
Glen Miller Kicked Some Serious Ass!
I Love Our Rich American Culture!I love My Having Been Blessed To Have Been Born An American.And Yes!I Am A Vet! (And A Patriot!) And I love My Country!Forever! Wanna Test The Veracity of My Statement? Well, Stand By For Heavy Rolls! As The Shit Hits Your Fan! Y’all Understand my Tennessee Connection to this. … Continue reading
“Walking On The Moon” (Or, “Pie In The Eye”)
Vid Share Street Cred: Apollo Space Program : Street Cred For Vid: The Police A Trip to the Moon (French: Le Voyage dans la Lune) is a 1902 French adventure short film directed by Georges Méliès God Damn Navy! OK. I have Finished re-watching “From The Earth To The Moon.” (HBO) I never was able … Continue reading
I’ve Got A Lot To Say About This Mo-Fo. And it Ain’t Gonna Be Nothin’ Nice–Fair Warning. (Although I do Respect Him)
Yeah, I do! Don’t Worry; I’ll Get to it! Don’t Worry And This Other Stupid Mother-Fucker: Street cred: John Ward:
Medgar Evers
Poignant and Timely: Vid Share Credit: Swingin’ Pig ***** All of the Prose below is stolen. Just my feeble attempt to pay in my humble way… to try to pay proper tribute to the memory of a Great, Brave American Veteran… ***** “Medgar Wiley Evers (July 2, 1925 – June 12, 1963) was an American … Continue reading
“Gone With The Bear” – As My Third Wife Referred To it. “Just Hold On And Suck In.” –Mammy
–Mammy Video Compilation Credit: huldr rrr Best Clip. Ignore The Others Except the Christine McVie toward the end. That one is requisite! Video Compilation Credit: Michael and Stephanie Sandberg Video Compilation Credit: ‘S’ et al. First time I actually ‘talked’ to her was in her ‘Office’. (She was a ‘new-hire’ Freshly Pressed with her Ph.D.,– … Continue reading
I Don’t Need No More (Toilet) – Trouble
I Love To Laugh (at me) And My Chasing at Sobriety “Hey Lance! What would you do if you ever caught the Sobriety Bus?” “Burn my nose on the tail-pipe–I don’t know–haven’t thought it through.” ****** (Ed. Note: The Bob Marley Vid ain’t Necessary, nor requisite.But I find it a ‘Nice Touch.’ Watch it if … Continue reading
You Peck The Right Button, Pellets Fall Out
Street Cred for Vid: Shea et al. Hi Y’all. I spend almost all of my ‘awake’ hours thinking about writing. I spend what is ‘left-over’ actually writing. Since most of Y’all who are kind enough to visit me here are writers too, I would like to share some of my thoughts about the ‘writing process’, … Continue reading
In My Ever-Persistent Search For Happiness & Beauty In My Life
Share Credit: Y’all Enjoy Thanks to Kevin Bacon (Yeah, that actor dude) Yeah, we’re FB Buds. Hahahahah! Someone put a lot of time and effort into constructing this vid; wish I could give proper credit. Alas.. Ed. Note: (At the beginning. Yes, not ‘conventional’) But if you do not watch the videos, you are wasting … Continue reading
Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I?
“I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods (Ed. Note: This Post has kinda Gone off the Rails & morph’d into an Annie Lennox bit) Sorry. Not Sorry. Scroll Down In most things Politic, I … Continue reading
Just in Time for Easter
Someone once asked me,“Lance, when did you become an Atheist?”I replied,“When I learned to read.”Actually I think even before that.It is geneticFrom my FatherOnly Useful Thing He Ever Gave Me.And it Did Not Cost Him One Dime.But, Thanks Dad.And Before You Get All Bent Out of Shape:Read My Views on People of Faith Some Bonus … Continue reading
Credit Card Companies PISS Me OFF
Song Credit: Dick Feller Recent email to me: “Lance, thank you from Capital One. You’re invited to pre-qualify for auto financing with no impact to your credit score.” Since when do Credit Card Companies think they are allowed to be on ‘First-Name Basis’ with me? I wrote their Customer Service Back: “Hey Cap! Come to … Continue reading
Gnat Pool Party
So, I am tryin’ real hard (Yes it is hard. Hey! Get Yer Mind Outta That Gutter!) Tryin’ real hard to tone down on the drinkin’. Poured me a ‘HALF-GLASS’ of wine, (Not much more than would fill a hen’s ear) into a ‘Normal’ wine glass as opposed to my usual, ‘Barrel Glass Runneth Over.’ … Continue reading
Now Pay Attention Kids. Things Are Gonna Get Easier; Things Are Gonna Get Brighter
So, Buck Up Lil Campers! ***** Most of Below Originally Posted on FaceBook. (Sorta) **** “Now pay attention Kids. I am Not sayin’ I love this version more than the other I recently Posted. But Damn it’s Great! More Healthy Optimism, Less Dread! And Y’all know Beautiful Redheads make me weak-in-the-knees No, not the dude … Continue reading
Word-Press Distress
What I hear while on the telephone with WordPress Customer Diss-Me-Service: WordPress, how do I hate Thee? Let Me Count The Ways. (This Make Take Some Time. Have A Seat. I’ll Get You A Drink) **** Hey WP! This Below could be dedicated from me to you. (If you were worth-a-shit!) Sadly. You are Not … Continue reading
The La Mesa Yankee Girl In King Lance’s Court (From Connecticut) Work-In-Progress… *Apologies to Mark Twain*
A very long TT&H Project I am working on: “KAREN, The Only Non-Texan Girl I Ever Loved” (Working Title) OK. That’s a Bullshit Lie. But it Looked Good to Me In Print. So I’m gonna run with it. ***** Just need to wait for her to send me the photo records… “Dear Karen,I have a … Continue reading
Car Shield? No Deal!
Y’all know I watch way too much CNN. Ten Minuets of ‘News’ and Fifty Minuets of Obnoxious Commercials. Every Hour. Day after Day. Every Day! Above is one of the worst. I dialed up Car Shield: “Hey Car Shield! I want to Board Your Gravy Train!” “Sure. We are here for you. But first, we … Continue reading
Lance Health Update: I think I’m Gonna Barf
“Well, that passed.” I love you Margie (Frances) ******* Condition (“I saw so much I broke My Mind.”)
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I know I am an asshole, But I write what I feel. And I am Honest. AND I DO RESPECT MY READERS. (Both of them) Believe it or Don’t Your Choice.
Face-Fukked
For Any Enquiring Minds Who Give-A-Shit: I recently deleted My Face-Fuk Account of 12 Years. Guess what happened next. FaceBook sent a buxom Blond to Mi Casa. Ostensibly to give me a blow-job. But it did not take me long to figger out that all she wanted was for me to undelete my account. I … Continue reading
SueZ, Open Sez-a-me! Canal!
I have been to the Suez Canal at least 300 times. I’ve been witness to some incredibly funny shit in my day, but never nothin’ even remotely approaching this Monumental Shipping Screw-UP! LMFAO! ******* Because I am a Smart-assed Moron: Clik the GD Link Below! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ****** Jet, the oldest at the table–about thirty—wore a … Continue reading
A Love for All Seasons. And For All The Right Reasons
Just One More In The Continuing Series: “All The Women Lance Loves” Have a Blast. (WIP) Street Cred Vid Share Credit: stumblingChaos ***** Olivia on the phone with me: (Wanna Talk Vain Fantasy?) ***** And Just To Lift Your Spirits: “O happy dagger, This is thy sheath. There rust and let me die.“ Whomever posted … Continue reading
Diana
Yes! I am a Hopelessly Romantic SAP. *** Her untimely departure really fucked me up. (More than this ‘Macho-Man’ would ever care or confess to admit.) Street Cred for Vid: Missmariasiya **** Christopher, I love you more than cash money,BUTI do not agree with you.(Actually I Do… Sorta.)However, comma,I’d like to hold onto myIdealisticDreamsAnd Fantasies…RegardingPrincesses. … Continue reading
Still Tryin’ To Tempt Rickie—Part Trois–Last Chance Asshole!
Just give me a little more time. ***** I like to savor my loving jealous vanity… Sanity Insanity Fantasy **** “But the battery went dead And the cables don’t reach. And the timing’s all wrong…“
Texas (no longer) Monthly
Why are Corporations so Fucking Stupid? I wanted to submit an article for publish consideration. ‘To Texas Monthly.’ “Oh! Hell no! Slow down Cowboy! First we need your next of kin. The name of your first born. Your Social # Your most recent wife’s bra size. And about three thousand dollars. You good with this?“ … Continue reading
This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’)
For A Post I have Bouncing About in My Head. Working Title: “Wonton America.” (You Have Probably Already Figured Out Why This Is Timely And Apropos) Street Cred for Vid: ‘Playing For Change‘ **** (Yeah. I know The Musical Selection is Miss-Matched. And the Language is ALL Wrong! But it Suits My Purpose) So There! … Continue reading
When The Men On The Chessboard Get Up & Tell You Where To Go…
I’m gonna ‘Unplug’ for a spell: For Mental Health Reasons (Of Course All Y’all Faithful, Regular Readers Know I’m Lying–But It was Fun To Type That Lie: Just One of Life’s Simple Pleasures.) Catch Y’all On The Flip-Flop… And don’t forget to follow the white rabbit– Down The rabbit hole— If you dare, I’ll meet … Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser—Part Duh–To Be Continued
I’ll get to it. By and By… Don’t worry… Street Cred: 3LONZO “I hope it isn’t contagious.” ***** Do not expect me to ‘splain this. Google is your friend. Tom & Rickie Lee:An All-American Couple (God Damn How I Love You Both! You have, Le Both, Enriched my Life!) Beyond Measure. ****** (But I am … Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser! (“Lookie Here Y’all”)
I know! I know! I KNOW! I am supposed to be WORKING (On my Rickie Lee Post) Not Great audio/video Quality “Girl Quality” is Great However: THE DUCHESS OF COOLSVILLE : Shared Street Cred for VID: Rickie Lee Jones(DUH!) ********* But I am stuck on a German Submarine somewhere in the North Atlantic right now. … Continue reading
Rita!
Words Fail! Best I can Muster: Wow! Just WoW! Star Stricken! “Rita, You Are So Beautiful!” “Learn How To Pretend” Rita, Beautiful Lady, I Did Learn. Too Well. Far Too Well… Well? Now What? If you look up “TRUE LOVE” in the Dictionary, This You Shall Discover ****** Clik The GD Below Link. It Works! … Continue reading
The Wino And I Know!
No Whine Before It’s Mine! Street Cred: MoonLit Water ***** Bonus Added Value! **** I know I am STUPID! But, I just want to make people LAUGH! (This is My Mission) ***** “Livin’ My Life Like A Song” –Jimmy B. “It’s A Strange Situation… Wild Occupation!”– JB–Again. ***** Man Wrote some really Great Shit! ***** … Continue reading
WordPress! WP is STUPID!
WordPress! You Make Me Want To Throw Up In My Mouth! Just Fukking PLEASE! Please Allow Me To PERFORM A SIMPLE EDIT! Thank you. (Expect a Telephone Call… soon as my phone recharges…) ******
Joni: “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.”
Danger! Will Robinson! This post is RAW! I ‘might’ edit it later (But Do Not Count On It!) I have no fucking idea why I am posting this. Actually, I do. It is because Joni Mitchell has shaped my life (in the best way) more than all the women (combined) who so desperately tried (and … Continue reading
Donna, Disco, And Convicts
While I was at SFM, during ‘The Disco Agony Epoch,’ We had a ‘Homemade’ Desert House–Band—Rockers ALL! They called their Band: ‘The Sisco Ducks’ Which of course was a play on words for ‘Disco Sucks.’ (We were all drug addicts back then) We smoked hashish for breakfast, lunch, supper, and night-cap. Ever’day! Next day, rinse … Continue reading
“Beware The Ides of March!”
“What do he mean by that Julius?” Julius sez, “I doesn’t know.” ***** Roberta (The only GF who has stuck by me for DECADES!) reminded me that we are Knee-Deep into the Ides of March… so, natch… Brother Dave! And Willie-The-Half-Sprung Shake…s…Spear “Here Julius; hold this!” ***** (Y’all are welcome for this little ‘Cultural’ Interlude) … Continue reading
Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!
My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog! Those who claim to know me… Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me! **** (Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for Me) : I suppose I could always smash the bottle against some concrete. OOPs! ************ But, in the doing of that… I may … Continue reading
Stimulate Me Bitch!
Woo-Hoo! Wu Flu! You have ‘Stimulated’ Me! “Per your instructions, we are notifying you of the following… Account activity on the Checking account # *0000 with Guaranty Bank & Trust: Account Bal is $2,333.53 as of 03/17/2021 01:13 AM” **************** Ever’month—Right?—No?—You just a One-Trick Pony? Well, “Go to Fuk You Then!!”— California! Here I come!” … Continue reading
Agnetha! Please!
Take a Chance on Me! I will worship You! Every Day! You will be my QUEEN! My Dancing One! **** This Vid NEVER Grows Old for Me. (And I am an ‘Old Fuck!’) Can’t take my eyes off of you… Agnetha! “You’re just too good to be true!” “I love you Baby!” (Yeah, I am … Continue reading
Every Good Boy Deserve A Flavour. (No ‘Flavours’ Given Here.) Just Some Free Advice: “Forced Self-ISOLATION MAY BE MENTALLY UNHEALTHY.” (You’re Welcome.)
Living all alone here at The Lion’s Den for nearly one year now… I’m starting to feel a lot Like Matt Damon: ************** Hey! I was told Linda was to meet me HERE! It’s a relatively small planet. I shouldn’t be hard to find! Where The Fuk is SHE?! ************ ***************** RIP Jimi. Your genius … Continue reading
“Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?
A Sumptuous Feast. Fit For Any Beast: OK: Ready, Set, GO! (Or is it, “Game. Set. Match?”) I am easily befuddled… Got my evening all mapped out: Dinner and a movie—then perhaps a little ‘hanky-panky.’ Alcohol may come into play! Char-dun-Yay! All The Way! & Sade. Sade. Sade. Pronounced ‘Shar-Day!’ How many times must I … Continue reading
Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo) Found ourselves standing before Daddy. In His Study. That Bitch Gloria (My Step-Mom) was there as Well. Our ‘Mission’… was to procure/beg money. Maddy and Jennifer did this Joni (as a) Duet and Perfection Harmony: a capella! “Twisted” Street Cred For The Vid: JoniJourney (It was … Continue reading
WASTED
Perfect! Gonna add this to my Life’s Soundtrack: Soon available as a Box’d-Up Set Available At Fine Book Stores Everywhere. (If you have a time-machine) But Now! However…. No! “Wait! No Fine Book Stores Left???” “No kinda, semi-fine Bookstores?” “No sorta-fine Bookstores?” “No Marginally Fine Bookstores?” “No Mediocre-Fine Bookstores?” “No Bargain – Basement Bookstores?” “NO!” … Continue reading
ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Cass, and Lance
Yeah! I am trying to occupy (and distract) my mind with Beauty and Music. (See previous posts if you do not know why this is requisite for me.) Speaking of posts, and posting, This one is an unorganized, not edited, convoluted…. piece of shit. (Screw it! I will NOT edit this. It was a ‘stream … Continue reading
Assholes ‘R’ Us!
Some asshole just emailed me: (Yes My email Addy is ‘Public’) I have No Fear! Feel Free! ‘lancemarcom781@gmail.com’ ************** I quote her: “We” (Really? ‘We?—whois ‘We’?) She continued, “We are sick to death of reading about your dead sister! STFU!” Of course I could NOT let this go. I had to respond. And I did, … Continue reading
Weary
I have grown ever so weary of grieving. I have grown ever so weary of tearing. I have grown ever so weary of crying. I have gown ever so weary of dying (Deep inside—I AM still Alive!) Madelyn is not! She is dead and gone! Video Compilation Credit: Evan Burek If Madelyn had ever made … Continue reading
“How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?”
Maria and Cap’n Von Madelyn & Me! Me & Madelyn! On-The-Stage! Stars! She & Me! Me & She! We had to share The Spotlight, but “The Play” Was always about HER Not Me As it should be. ******* She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’ “Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa 1975 (Every so often, … Continue reading
My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)
“One Day, You’ll Be cool.” —Said Madelyn to Lance **** I wanted to post this polished (And slightly edited) But, once again, WordPress is being STUPID! So… What you see Is what you get! I cannot edit the Goddamn thing! I’ll come back to this if I find ‘sober.’ (Don’t set your watch–and do not … Continue reading
Lance Looks in the Mirror
First time in some years… (Risky, Dangerous Enterprise? Yes?!) Casually regards the visage staring back at him. “Something’s missing,” he says. Dons DEVO hat. Yeah! Hell yeah! That’s the “Look!” ******** “Maternity Flight Suits????” Joe? Really? I never watched the movie, “G.I. Jane” (Because it was a farce and insulted the Navy SEAL program), but… … Continue reading
More Face-Dork Shit: Vain Fantasy Shit
(Perhaps I will revisit this post and edit it …But I doubt that.) Stream of unconsciousness “I mostly write about my past. (On my TT&H Blog–and here too, I guess) Recent past Not so recent past Some ancient history past. All true. All memories, My Memories, True Memories (‘Cept for the times I blacked out … Continue reading
First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well
Dateline: Late 1985 Time: 0800 hrs. Geographical Location: Great Mistakes Naval Training Center—Just south of Chicago. Venue: A Navy Auditorium Suspect: One Ricky-Recruit, AKA Marcom *Slips now into first-person narrative* I had arrived just a little later than was prudent. Hence, no seats in the back of the venue. Searched about. Scanning… Only open seats … Continue reading
Michelle, Ma Belle: Tease
“Michelle, ma belle. These are words that go together well. My Michelle”: This is a ‘teaser’ for something I am currently working. (‘Tis an expanding part of my “Great Mistakes Naval Training Center” Nascent Series) Remember “The Marine”? The Little Blonde One? Of Course you do! This will be way better. Believe me? Good. I … Continue reading
The Marine
Transcribed from a Facebook IM Chat session I recently had with my best (perhaps only) Friend: “Talking to you about Great Mistakes Naval Training Center reminded of a pleasant memory… Of A Woman—I know—difficult to fathom while listening to all my other ‘Sea-Stories’, but this one is a ‘no-shitter.’ Just trust me. There were no … Continue reading
Mandy’s of the World: Steer Clear of Lance Marcom! (Trust Me On This Ladies)
Typical, Representative of The ‘Mandy’ Species (In My Humble Experience Anyway) It has been my life’s experience that ALL women named ‘Mandy’ are good and decent people: Sweet and kind–if only just a little too innocent and blind. (to life’s Harsh Realities….) But without that, that innocence, they would be named ‘Bertha’ or ‘Helga’ or … Continue reading
The Rise and Fall Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise (CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS—In More Ways Than One)
And This Post Is Mainly Directed At Film Buffs In General And ‘Alien’ Fans In Particular. There is a lot of content here i.e., A Lot of Videos. I you don’t watch the vids, you are probably wasting your time. But You Do You Let’s Get On With It, Shall we? I always Like To … Continue reading
Something Wrong
(This Post Is A Chocolate Mess–All Over The Place) There must be something inherently wrong Something inherently, just wrong, with a man who can love Joni Mitchell–Mitchell and LBJ all in the same virtual ‘sentence’ I have seen idiots from ‘Both Sides Now’ And… I have been the ‘Both Sides’ Idiot. Still am, I suppose. … Continue reading
I am too Stupid to Figure Out How to Reblog One of My Own Posts.
(And Normally I would NOT Want To.) But This Is TEXAS INDEPENDENCE DAY! So I had to attempt a work-around. Recently in TEXAS: WHAT A MISERY! Commerce, Texas–short time ago (Where I am Hangin’ MY Hat) Home of TAMU-Commerce ************** I am curious to Discover if ‘THIS’ Works. I give it FIFTY-FIFTY. ************* Below is … Continue reading
Windows Are Not Impediments in My World:
Merely Distractions. How did I get so drunk so fast? I only had sixteen glasses of wine in twelve minutes! ‘Scuze for a moment. Bill Gates is on CNN. I have to remove a shoe, so that I might puke into it. BRB! OK. I tried and tried and I tried! To get through this … Continue reading
Greta! Garbo!
“I have been so in love with you since forever Greta.“ –Lance Marcom said that. To her face (She was not impressed) She just turned her back and walked away. Joining MS Muse on the Nasty Couch. And Certainly Laughing At My Expense… “I only want to be ‘let’ alone.” There is all the difference…. … Continue reading
“What you don’t know about women is a lot.”
–Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis) In This Vid Clip, You Will Discover Lance. Video Cred: Ted Reinert Lance loves women; He just cannot help Himself. He does not understand them. Therein lies that magic… “Moonlight in a Martini.” (Volumn is fukked. Crank it up!) Lance Romance. Added Value: “Breaks Your Heart Just Lookin’ At Her.” Snakes … Continue reading
Karen? (Nice to Know Somebody Loved Me) Once or Twice. I Always Loved YOU Karen
I don’t like spiders and snakes. But I do love Karen, Karen Carpenter. Video Credit: “Carpenters” Carpenters Duh! Karen? Why? Oh why? Why did you leave us? Karen! Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? I suppose you were broken As am I But I am still Alive! … Continue reading
The Joke Is On Me (And On You–For Even Being Here) Broadcast News
Facebook Post:Good morning!I am feeling somewhat “normal” today.Trying to stay two steps ahead of the neck pain.Taking lots of Ibuprofen and booze.Put MS Muse Out of my Misery.But I miss her already.I just may have a life after all.Or not.“O, that way madness lies; let me shun that;No more of that.”—King Lear, Act 3, Scene … Continue reading
Farewell Forevermore To My Best Ever Friend: My Abusive Muse. I am Sad, But Also Happy
*previous* Farewell To My Best Friend: The Abusive Muse This pains me to write. “Kate, We were only Yesterday. Now we are…” Today, and Yesterday, and Tomorrow. “I love you, and I Thank You.” Karen Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? Some of you good and loyal … Continue reading
Dead Reckoning, Abusive Muse: This is the End
Video Credit: Christian Davies Previous I was not to be denied. “Kate! Katherine! Muse!” I shouted, as I bounded from my computer chair over to her. “I love you! Will you marry me or no? I must know!” I stood in front of her, trembling. She stood up, sidestepped the nasty coffee table, and walked … Continue reading
Un-Requited Love! (Abusive, Callous Muse)
Credit: The School of Life The School of Life When last we left our hero… “I cleared my throat, mustered all the courage and moxie I had remaining, and said, “Will You Marry Me?” No respond; Just a blank stare. She retired over to the Nasty Couch, but not before gathering all her props: Glass … Continue reading
Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE
Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’ Fuck it! But it is a light-hearted Shit Post, mocking me even more than I mock Broadcast News: CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Etcetera & Ad Nausea And I am stalling, waiting for MS Muse to respond to my recent Proposal of Marriage She is sitting on the couch as I … Continue reading
“Texan Snowmageddon: A Play in Six Acts,” Or “Thanks 2020 for Bringing 2021 Up-To-Speed.” Nice Hand-Off
First of All…This is a Happy Texan Story, So do not get prematurely bummed out. And you may ignore the ‘added value’ of the music and the vids, but you will not experience the ‘full benefit’ if you chose to do that. “Snowmageddon” has finally been Kicked-to-The Curb. Texas Survived. I survived. Had to treat … Continue reading
More Wasted Pearls-at-Swine Facebook Nonsense Posted By Me. “Latest Styles & Colors!” & Baghdad!
“I am working on a new post, but it is too heavy for FaceBook. Will publish it on my Blog. Soon. Stay tuned! “Latest Styles & Colors!” I have six or seven pages of copious notes to make sense of. May take a day or two. Meantime, I just drop this bit of frivolity in.”
Snow, Texas (NO) Power & Light, Abusive Muse: True Love of My Life, All Mish-Mashed Together
Vid Share Credit: Retrospective Soundtrack (An aside: Katherine Ross is The Most Beautiful Woman In The History of “Woman.”—Precisely Why My MS Muse is Moniker’ed “Katherine.”) And “The Graduate” is one of the Greatest Movies Ever Made.—Don’t Believe Me?—Just Ask My Muse, Katherine. She’ll Set You Straight as you are picking yourself up off the … Continue reading
FOOTBALL! The Stuff That Makes Dreams
“Welcome to The Real America.” I was Born in Texas. I grew up in Texas. This is my fault. However… This is (Above) THE BEST Television Show About Growing Up Texan That Ever Was, Or Ever Will Be. Case Rested. Believe it not, I lived this life. I grew up, immersed in this culture. Ass-Deep. … Continue reading
Pygmalion-Like I Created Her & Then Fell In Love With Her
And it has occurred at me: I never ‘gave’ her a Proper Name. I am gonna go with ‘Katherine.’ Works for me (And Hopefully, Her) I was at my computer, banging out my latest travesty of prose. As Was instructed/demanded by MS Muse. Finished it and hit The ‘Publish’ Button. (I NEVER allow Anyone, not … Continue reading
Birth of a Writer, Via a Football Coach—Ludicrous—I Know, But A True Story.
No one cares about your novel!!! Sitting in a classroom. Football Coach at the helm. Year: 1974 Assignment: Write an essay. I was, back then, a better middle linebacker than I was a ‘writer’ But, what the hell! I gave it a go. Tried to anyway. Sat at my desk, pen in hand, staring at … Continue reading
“Just One More Year/Beer? And Then I’ll Be Happy?” Talk Comes Cheap.
Not That Fridays, or Saturdays, Or Sundays, or Mondays Mean Fuk – All to Me, But I do recall, Once Upon A Time, That The Day-of-the-Week was important. These Days, Not So Much. One Day Just Bleeds Into The Next. But Y’all know what? I am Good with that. “Just One More Year And Then … Continue reading
Roach Motel
BUGS! I LOVE You Bobbie Gentry! “Hey Look At me! With the DDT!” Naw, that would be ‘against-the-law!’ And your point is? Hehehehe…evil laugh “Hey MS Muse, Reach me that spray can of DDT: The one we got from the feed store. Oh! And ‘Please & Thank You’ in Advance.” (Don’t need no more ‘Muse-ic … Continue reading
Institutionalized ‘R’ Us: Or, That Place I Need/Want To Be
How I sometimes See/Experience My Mental Life: I have come to the stark realization that I am at my best when institutionalized. Long and varied History of this Follow The Orange Brick Roads if You Be Fearless, or Feckless–Either Works For Me: Sinai Field Mission: 1977-1980 U.S. Navy: 1985-1990 SEAL Experience: Ultimate Institution Iraq: 2005-2009 … Continue reading
“The Reports Of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.” –Mark Twain (And Now Shamelessly Stolen By Lance Marcom)
This is a True, Recent Story: Not Something From ‘The Archives.’ No Names Have Been Changed To Protect Innocents (Because I Don’t Know Any) ***** It was recently brought to my attention that there is a rumor making the circuit in My Home Town of Honey Grove: “Lance Marcom was found dead.” (Not sure where … Continue reading
Grateful, Thankful, Optimistic, Positive, Upbeat, Efflorescent, Fluorescent—HAPPY CAMPER
“Just be thankful for what you’ve got.” This is how I am living my life these days. Actually, how I have always lived my life. I Don’t have much at all, money-wise, material-wise but I am ‘Rich’ with things of much more Value and Worth and I AM Thankful. I am thankful, most of all, … Continue reading
Just Another Example Of How I Tempt Fate With My Abusive Muse
I cannot resist. Because I am a Simple-Minded, Dumb-Ass Sailor. Apropos and Poignant Songs For Our Current Current. (But ‘Don’t Let It Bring You Down’—‘Sorry Neil’) Y’all Know I am Ninety Percent Positive and Upbeat. So, My Mood WILL Improve with just a little ‘liquid propulsion.’ “Hey Muse! Reach Me A Beer! I am a … Continue reading
Abusive, Pissed Off Severely, Majorly Pissed Off Muse
I was wasting my time and cooling my heels re-watching ‘The Wire’, and getting pleasantly smashed while drinking beer and wine. It was shaping up to be a good day. Presently, I heard screeching tires and gravel slinging and peppering against my window. Most Def, MY Muse, just returning from Yet-Another-Waco Trip to check on … Continue reading
Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses–Or, What You Will
Suzanne Verdal: Fascinatingly, Beautiful, Fantastic, Ethereal Woman.And The Quintessential, Perfect Muse.And this is gonna sound ‘messed up,’ but Suzanne reminds me of my Mother:One of The ‘Original Hippy Chicks.’(Link Also Awaiting Your Perusal at the End of this Post–‘Turtle Blues.’) No ‘New’ Prose From Me Found Here Today. Just some very-much-worth-watching videos If you are … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Three: Lance Thinking With The Wrong Head (But Favorite Mistake)
When last we left Our Hero, He was all over the telephone, sorting out (and paying for) The Extended Stay In The ‘City of Light’ with his new Love. **** As soon as I got everything sorted, settled and paid for, Ela telephoned her two kids: A daughter and a son—Bout 9 and 12 respectively. … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Two: In France We Kissed On Main Street
In France we kissed on Main Street Video Credit: MysticPieces ******** I was Free To Follow My Desire In Paris We spent an inordinate amount of time in our lovely, comfy little love shack of a hotel room. I had fetched along some of my most – favorite movies to share with Ela—Yes, at this … Continue reading
SPAM ALERT! “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” Posted on FaceFuk Today—Not Sure Why Or a Version of a Perversion
SPAM ALERT! “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” (Posted on FaceFuk Today—Not Sure Why) ***** I posted this on 26 January, but I don’t think ‘it took.’ So here it is again. Yep. SPAM Recycled Will Write Some New, Original Shit Real Soon. Promise. (Hey! I still have that bridge for sale–20 percent off–Today Only.) I am rather … Continue reading
My Writing, Self-Delusional Façade
Video Credit: Shea This was originally written for just one person, But in my vain vanity fantasy, I decided to ‘Shit-Post’ it here. (Because I am adrift at sea… And exhibiting my most hated characteristics: self-pity and self-loathing) These are gonna come off as some really vain, pompous questions, but questions I struggle with every day: … Continue reading
My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen
I only recently discovered these gals via KETR—The Local NPR Radio Station here in Commerce—Run by The University. This is the Program that was playing— “Notably Texan.” My FAVORITE For Obvious Reasons. “With the lofty mandate to curate the culture of Texas music, Notably Texan host Matt Meinke scours the state’s singers and songwriters, stars … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter One
“Non, je ne regrette rien” No, I Regret Nothing I first met her as “Paige” via eHarmony. She taught French at a High School in Springfield, Missouri. I was working and trying to stay alive in Mosul, Iraq, circa 2008. After about a week or so, we ditched eHarmony and exchanged emails, more photos, and … Continue reading
All The Leaves Are Brown
I have spent a great portion of my life living in California. First with my Mom back in the Sixties and then Later (Mid 80’s) When I was a Sailor Stationed in San Diego. I have always loved Cali (Of Course not as I LOVE Texas, But Love California I did.) So it is with … Continue reading
Oops! I Did It Again
On FaceFuk Transcribed in Below: ***** “Just a generic observation on Social Media in General and Writing in Particular: And for Ref: During the Vietnam War, and leading up to his resignation, President Richard Nixon preceded many public comments with the line, “Let me make one thing perfectly clear.” So, Humour me for a moment, … Continue reading
Happy, Positive, Upbeat Stuff To Lift Your Spirits
“I’m Just Livin’ On Things That Excite Me.” Because I am a ‘Cock-eyed Optimist. And ‘Life is a Cabaret.’ “Let The World Be Your Oyster.” The proverb first appeared in Shakespeare’s play ‘The Merry Wives of Windsor’ published in 1602. In Act II, a character named Falstaff says: “I will not lend thee a penny,” … Continue reading
Even More Shit That Makes Me Happy: Critical Drinker
Today’s Episode is All About Just This One Brilliant Scottish Man And Since My Muse is still fuking off IN Waco with her ‘Other Client,’ And since I cannot seem to write any original shit on my own these days, I decided to drop in some of his videos for any film buffs out there … Continue reading
Back in the Day: Dead Guppies & Dying Dreams
Bobby Darin: The King of Cool Video Credit: www53 ***** Back when Roberta and I were a ‘serious item’ I was living in an Old Rent House (Which belonged to one of my University Profs whom I used to screw (on the side—whenever she found herself back in town. She had moved to Arizona—‘nother long … Continue reading
I am nuts—Cray-Cray—But I have discovered Someone Even More Nuts Than Me.
Aubrey Plaza. I love her.She is insane (In That Good Way)***** Funny How it has taken me so long to swerve into her…But I am here now. Wholly on-Board with her quirkiness and her cray-cray‘Better late than never’ I suppose.“Lucky for you Aubrey, that I am an old Fuk, otherwise, I would be stalking you.”With … Continue reading
Just Some More CNN Bashing
(Video Credit: FreedomToons) Since My Muse Has Once Again Fucked Off To Waco Due To “Previous Committed Obligations,” I am Forced To Shit-Post: Just To Keep The Embers Burning, Or at Least Somewhat Viable For Future Reference, or Need Ed Note: Regarding My Muse I really should consider finding a MUSE who is FOCUSED solely … Continue reading
PAIN IN THE NECK
Video Credit: ABKCOVEVO ******* So I woke up few days ago with excruciating pain in my neck. I immediately attributed this to the dream I had been having about THE MOST FLAGRANT Pain-in-my-neck I had ever experienced: MY LAST WIFE She was ALWAYS A PAIN IN MY NECK I left her. She was also a … Continue reading
Lance Living Large In The Lion’s Den
Try a little kindness This is just too rich not to share Something really bizarre and wonderful just happened to me. There was a loud knock upon my door. I figured it was Timothy wanting to beg a beer. I got up and looked out the peep hole. Wasn’t Tim. It was a lady riding … Continue reading
Here is a PSA: DO NOT FUCK WITH ME
Some youngish Black Bitch knocked upon my door (at zero four)Probably a whore“Are you alright?” she asked. “I heard something.” (Which is Bullshit)“Well, what did you hear?” I asked. She just rolled her eyes and walked away.These ppl don’t know who they are attempting to fuck with: I’m crazy (and dangerous)And I am packing: Big … Continue reading
ASSHOLES! SLAMMING DOORS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
And Therefore Disrupting My State of Somnambulistic Glorious Oblivious Glee. Just trying to catch a few Z’s here.Slamming Doors!Why??? What the fuck??? Why must you do this???I live here in the Lion’s Den Apartments as quiet as a Church Mouse.I know how to open and close a fucking door without awakening the dead.Because I RESPECT … Continue reading
Things That Go Bump In My Night
Zero four hundred hours and I am taking (trying to) take a nap. Bang! Clang! Bump! Crash! Boom! All of this emanating from my next-door neighbor, Timothy’s apartment. Our shared wall separating us was shaking, vibrating. I got out of bed, opened my back door expecting to see police cars or ambulances arriving. Nope All … Continue reading
NYC (Or CNN) Or Le Both, Ruined My New Year’s Eve Experience!
I LOVE NYC (or at least my fantasy nostalgic version of it from The Forties)For Lance, The New Year Only Begins when New York City drops that Big Ball in Times’ Square.This year they ‘Dropped the Proverbial Ball.” (Or did drop the Actual Beautiful Big Shiny Ball–I honestly don’t know–Because–CNN) And chose to broadcast fucking … Continue reading
I Want Another Jewish Princess
Reminiscing about my rebound lover from my living in Israel days… After That Moroccan Bitch Gladys had dumped me, I found a new, better girl. Her name was ‘Alanna’ And she was beautiful—very, very, VERY beautiful. First time I saw her I was smitten like a kitten. She had very long dark hair and even … Continue reading
MANHATTAN PROJECT
I cannot scare up anything original or clever to say about this movie. Because I am stupid and shallow. Or “Shallow and Stupid” (I don’t know which order works better for ‘literary’ purposes) **** Best I can muster: It is brilliant and It is all about writing and writers and relationships. And Mariel Hemingway is … Continue reading
Hamsterdam (Apologies to ‘The Wire’- Wonderful TV Series)
Way back in the day when I was a wee child and living in Kansas City with My Daddy and my Evil Step- Mom DJ, I had a pet hamster. He was an infant hamster, so I had to feed him out a very tiny baby milk bottle. I loved feeding him so much in … Continue reading
Annie! Don’t Get Your Gun—We Cool–Lah Dee Dah
I grew bored watching “Independence Day“ Couldn’t finish it. Was just wasting my time. I love sci-fi and of course I have seen this film already a few times. It was better years ago, but it just does not age well. So I pulled the plug on it and moved on. I selected a real … Continue reading
HANK SANK
One more silly Facefuk post: “The below ‘Independence Day’ speech was lifted right out of ‘Henry V’ (Or ‘Hank Cinq’—as I like to call it) Saint Crispin’s Day: The Battle of Agincourt Watch Le Both (If you are a film buff) But do it quickly, because FaceFuck will most likely delete this for ‘copyright violation.’ … Continue reading
More Shit That Makes Me Happy
Maybe it will make you happy too Related Credit: Pharrell Williams Credit: Sam O’Nella You gots to be mo’ careful: Credit: Sam O’Nella Credit: Sam O’Nella Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!) Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind. (I can certainly relate) … Continue reading
Oh Domino’s!
So I ordered some more nasty food from Domino’s. Delivery gal shows up with my order. “You got a receipt for me to sign?” “No. You’re good,” she said “That’s a shame, ‘cause I wanted to add in a cash tip for your prompt diligent delivery service. But since I cannot do that, here is … Continue reading
Continuing Saga of My Favorite Wife: Rhonda
(Video Credit: Brian) Yes. Yes I know! I skipped quite ahead with my last ‘Rhonda Post.’ Now I am gonna try to fill in the blanks and the timeline. (Shit! Just realized some of this is ‘rerun.’) Sorry Kids. Fuck it. I’ll get to the Next Chapter Tomorrow. For reference So one day she showed … Continue reading
Word to Anyone Who is Wise
This is a stupid post and pieced together from some stupid Facebook posts of mine. Some of it repeats itself. Please be kind if you choose to comment, I am mentally challenged. And yeah I know: the above is a classic example of a ‘comma splice.’ This was intentional in honor of one of my … Continue reading
“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After)
Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: “I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why: At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time. Thank you Johnny: My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The … Continue reading
Dandy Don
I used to love watching the Cowboys play football. Pro Football today is not worth a cup of warm spit. This is my opinion and I am not shy about expressing it. Come back and hit this link after you finish reading this ‘marvelous’ post. Somewhere below is a wonderful tribute to the “Original Dallas … Continue reading