“TLDR”
–The Author Continue reading
Shonnie The Biker’s Wife, Chapter Two: “You Look So Good In Love”
“Well Shonnie, was nice of your friend to introduce us. Did Y’all come here together?” “Yeah, we come here two, three times a week.” “I didn’t catch her name.” “Layla.” (Well, I guess ‘that’ fits, I thought.) “See seems like a real nice Lady,” I lied. “She’s a good friend. We work together.” “I see. … Continue reading
Shonnie: Just Some Last Thoughts & One “Reminisce”–Important ‘Breaking News’ Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over’
Author’s Note: Some of Y’all Faithful Readers… (That is Not Sarcasm. I sincerely appreciate all Y’all who read me and have ‘Read’ me over the years, and tears, and beers) …some of Y’all have probably noticed I have been re-visiting old work and endeavoring to ‘re-work’ same. I am doing this because a few of … Continue reading
Shonnie: The Biker’s Wife
Not Shonnie, But Pretty Close (and almost) Beautiful Enough to be a Reasonable Facsimile *** In Nineteen-Eighty-Seven San Diego County there was only one Country & Western Bar/Dance Hall (that I knew of). I was sorely missing Texas and even though I was never what one might call ‘A Hardcore Country Music Fan’, I was … Continue reading
She SUCKS! But She Doesn’t Suck In The Way She’s Supposed To Suck
Dateline: 16 June 2021 After eight long months and numerous failed attempts, I FINALLY DID IT! I Liberated ‘That-VAC’ from Her Prison! Actually, She was trying to Bust Out On-Her-Own This Time. ‘The Not-So-Great-Escape’ And Struggling, Failing… Screaming for Help! BUT I, Me! Me ‘Lance-Rocky Marcona‘! Jumped in and SAVED Her DAY! Rescued Her! And … Continue reading
“No Bare Feet Beyond This Point” (This is a ‘Re-Constructed Old Post.’ No Alcoholic Beverages Were Harmed, Nor Consumed While Operating The Requisite Heavy Machinery For The Successful Completion of This Project)
I grew into manhood in the Sinai Desert: 1977-1980. Missed out on Disco, but it was damn well worth it. Who needed Disco anyway? I served a ‘higher’–figuratively and literally–‘calling’. What you may choose to read below is the first installment of a personal history I am determined to write about the men and women … Continue reading
Here is a Life-Lesson To Heed: “Never Drive A Shredder Over Small-Arms Ammunition.” (You’re Welcome.)
My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. Not an everyday alcoholic, but he did have a schedule and he stuck to it religiously. I lived with him and my grandmother in Winnsboro for one year before escaping to Honey Grove to live with my father. My grandmother was a librarian working at Gladewater High School, about … Continue reading
Armadillos Should Not Golf–ReDux’d & Re-Writ
“Golf is a Gentleman’s and Lady’s game.” I looked around at my eleven-odd fellow PE classmates sitting Indian-style in a semi-circle in front of Coach. It was late spring in Winnsboro, Texas. I was twelve. Poking my buddy (a lanky, slow-drawling ugly, slightly buck-toothed dirty-blond towhead of a boy named ‘Gary’) in the ribs with … Continue reading
Please Don’t Shit in my Showers
Dispatches From Afghanistan: Mouses, Goats, and Snakes, Oh My! *** The Jordanians are coming! The Jordanians are coming! Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t ‘comphy’, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do … Continue reading
“Phaseolus Vulgaris” Yeah, Them Latins Got That One Right! Pure-Dee ‘Vulgarity’ If In Chili, (But Just Fine If Not)
NO!!! Consider for a moment the lowly pinto bean. “Phaseolus Vulgaris” (Scholarly etymology) “Texmexiconus Pintofurious” (My etymology) Just a wonderful, hearty, delicious Texan Food… When Properly Served-up as my photo below illustrates. This Dish is Perfectly Acceptable to any Texan. In Fact, I cook and eat Pinto Beans all-the-time. I cooked this batch while Exiled … Continue reading
Emails From Afghanistan: My Boss, ‘That Guy I Wouldn’t Want Running An Elevator For Me’ (Re-Written/Expanded)
(Ed. Note: I reached way down into the archives and re-worked this one) LSA TWO OFFICE “LSA”-“Life Support Area”-or in the local vernacular aka: “Life Sucks Ass.” Yet another email I dispatched from Camp Dwyer, 2012: Around 1730hrs a truck pulls up outside my office at LSA Two. I didn’t see who was in the … Continue reading
Wonderful World of Worthy Writers!
We are, each of us, all of us, complicated, worthy people, full of brightly brilliant ideas, passionate passions, boundless potentials and infinite possibilities. We are “Writers,” which makes us just a little bit different, special, and weird. (In a very good way) We each have our own personal foibles, strengths, weaknesses, levels of humanity, quirks, … Continue reading
SHITTY PITY PARTY
Lance walks into the ‘Psycho‘-Therapist’s Office and slumps down into a chair… “Hello. My Name is Doctor Calvin Cray-Cray.” “Hello!” Way Too Effervescent Psychotherapist blurts out. “And how are WE Today?” “Shitty,” I answer. “Oh No!!” he says. “We can never be ‘shitty’, as you say. WE are always ‘Happy’.” “’Go Fuck yourself’, as I … Continue reading
“Sometimes There Just Aren’t Enuff Crud Eaters” Redux–Major Expanded–New & Improved!
“No Darlin’ I wanna go to that new fish store and buy me a coupla crud-eaters for my ‘quarium.” After having accumulated a little money during my three years’ working in the Sinai Desert (Sinai Field Mission) I decided to come home to Texas. My wife (the first one) and I settled in Nacogdoches resolved … Continue reading
This Is Just a “Puff Piece” All About One of My Favorite Women Of-All-Time. Surprised?
To be quite honest, I had never been a big fan, Until… My Third, Lisa-the-Professor, sat me down in front of the TV one night and put on “Truth or Dare.” (The Blond Ambition Tour) By the end of the film, I was IN-Love. And In-Awe. And In-Respect. “The Girl, she works hard for the … Continue reading
Delirium Tremens Man Showed. And This Time He Wasn’t Playin’
Chapter One Here Sunday Morning, one A.M. and I had just run out of booze. Bad News. Can’t buy booze until noon on a Sunday. So at one o’clock a.m. the count-down began. I was resolved to weather the approaching storm. Tried to keep my mind occupied by watching YouTube vids.Listening to ‘Happy’ Songs.Drinking coffee.Reminiscing … Continue reading
The Funeral
Chap one here Chap two here Chap three here Vid Cred: drawnmap96 : Doctor Gary, The Vet, had been the one who had called to give me the unhappy news. He NEVER asked any of his staff to perform these kinds of unpleasant duties. He was a good boss and a good, compassionate man who … Continue reading
I DO NOT LIKE THIS NEW FB ‘SEND NEW POSTS TO ‘MESENGER!’ How To roll back to old version? Posting directing directly to my timeline. SUCKS
*** Classical Music! Credit: Facebook Song – Rhett & Link
HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back
This is Just the ‘Trailer’ Full Movie Coming Soon To A Theatre Near You. Soon, Very Soon Keeping as a souvenir: (I’ll Never wash that wrist Again!) *** Here is a Clue: Cred: ‘Scared Sober with Delirium Dirk – Real Delirium Tremens and Alcohol Withdrawal‘ **** Street Cred: ‘Christy Moore’ **** Street Cred: Kris *** … Continue reading
I Hate Television (But I Desperately Need It!)
This (Above) vid is kinda lame.But best I could find.On my short dime.Cred: UnBemlo **** My television set has stopped working.I hate that!I cannot watch CNN!Now I will have to bother Cynthia… Once Again. At least my Internet Sill Works. Good for Me. Bad for You. **** Added Bonus: I Prefer Radio! Lovely, Beautiful Joni!
Trolling For Baited Breath
“Dear Peggy, Just ‘Bee’ Happy” And Sing. Even if it is Your Swan… Song Vid Share Cred: Peacock Kids *** Someone Just Called me a “Troll”Am I? I don’t Know. Don’t Think So. Perhaps… A Little But Ain’t We All. To some Degree? **** No! I know! Troll? I am none! I am a decent, … Continue reading
Embrace The Human Race! (We are All In This Boat Together) Or… Instant Karma!
“How in The World You Gonna See, Laughing At Fools Like Me?” **** We Are All, All of Us, Keeping, Trying, to Keep on ‘Shinning’ On— While Trapped On This Crazy Little Blue Marble of a Bat-Shit ‘Scrazy,’ Mixed-Up Planet! “You Better Get Yourself Together;Pretty Soon You’re Gonna Be Dead.” Cheers! (And Good Luck.) Y’all! … Continue reading
Almost My Last ‘Lucia Chap’–The Denouement is Coming – Soon. Please Stand By. Bye! Bye!
I came home one day.So happy to be off work.Walked in the door.Waited for Lucia to jump me and try to claw my eyes out.She did not come.I went looking for her.Found her motionless, prostrated on the floor.Gently I Gathered Her in My Arms and drove Her to The Vet.“Please Fix My Cat” I said … Continue reading
Flame WARS! The Battle is Joined!
(Ed. Note: This Post is All Borked/Fucked Up. WP is STUPID! I’ll TRY to FIX it LATER) Maybe… Maybe Not… I truly do have better things to do Believe it Or Not! **** I didn’t Start the Fire. I just poured gasoline on it. Street Cred for Vid: CollegeHumor: Brilliant!!! Fucking BRILLIANT!!! Just Fuckin Brilliant! … Continue reading
Mother-Fuck You Facebook!
Cred for Creative Vid: ‘Intermittent Explosive Disorder’ **** I am already drunk. (of course) So What?? What to do? I am about to get Get Drunker. Stand by for more unhappy words directed directly at you: Facefuck! **** Fuck you Facefuk!I don’t have time, nor inclination to wrestle you over small edits.So… Go get wrecked!(and … Continue reading
Almost Cut My Hair
Hair Hair Every Where! And Thank God! I’ll Never go BALD! (It is a Genetic Thang!) Good Hair Genes Possessed By Me! “Almost cut my hairIt happened just the other dayIt’s gettin’ kinda longI coulda said it was in my wayBut I didn’t and I wonder whyI feel like letting my freak flag flyYes, I … Continue reading
On Writing. On Thinking. On Drinking.
I Throw Excuses at Me for Not Writing: ‘Too Early’‘Too Late’‘Too Hot’‘Too Cold’‘Too wet’‘Too Dry’‘Too Sober’ ‘Too Drunk’ ‘Oh Wait!—There’s ‘Breaking News on CNN!’ (I am far too Easily Distracted!) Eventually, I empty out my ‘Excuses-Bag-of-Tricks’ Then I Park My Ass On The ‘Writing Chair’ And I Begin trying to write. (I have SO Much … Continue reading
Wrap Rage!
Why do I need a Saw-Saw or a Chain Saw to open A Retail Product??? Next time I’m just gonna stop fukkin’ around and use C-4… or a Neutron Bomb Shit Pisses Me Off! I Suggest Booze & Drugs Are Called For in these Situations: Confronting the Heavy Plastic. Here is a Clue: “One Must … Continue reading
My First Info-Babe Love: Christiane Amanpour!
She took my “News-Junkie Virginity.”Then she never looked back.Never dropped by.Never mailed a postcard.Never telephoned.No Nada!Bitch!(Just kidding Christiane)You know I will always love you best! Brilliant.Beautiful.Charming! Absolutely Charming! *** Every time I see her, I fall in love all over again. (I suppose that’s how it always goes with those… “First Loves–Lost”) ‘Just Hang on … Continue reading
Left-Over Food. Left-Over Dreams. Left-Over White Trash King!
My Fridge: Left On my Bed. Instead. No worries. I can sleep around it. I’ve got enough left-over food (some weeks gone-by of age-Waste not. Want not!) in my fridge to ‘Feed Cox’s Army’ ‘Feed Cox’s Army…’ An expression Janet used to hurl at me upon often occasion. Anyway… I got NO Room! No ROOM! … Continue reading
Lucia!
Lisa and I struggled along after our over-hasty Marriage. I kept working for Dick Latson @ Latson’s Printing and Office Supply. Lisa kept working for Texas A&M-Commerce. After about one year Kitty died. (Recall he was the eldest–14 and change) So not a huge surprise But Still! Broke both of our hearts. I buried him … Continue reading
You’re Not in Kansas Anymore Dorothy
“I Love and Admire You Dorothy.Always Have.Always Shall. You are an American Icon.” *** “And Thank You For Being My Teenage Fantasy Crush” –Lance So Much Class! So Much Class! And Oh So Very Very Beautiful & Talented! And Charming! Vid Cred: Wat Bradford (Bravo Wat! Brilliant Choice of Music!) *** I remember watching this … Continue reading
Kitty Muster: Roll Call! Fall in! (You Pussys!)
Vid Cred: CatsCovers *** Had FiveCatsStand by… And I will tell you why. When I first met my soon to be third wife, (Shakespeare / Marlow Professor), She announced to the class, First Day of Class: “My Name is ‘Lisa,’ but you may address me as ‘Professor’, or ‘Doctor Lisa.’ “ She continued: “I have … Continue reading
Teaser: The “Real” New Project I am Working on, Working Titles: “Evil Felines” or “Cat Scratch Fever” Vote on it!
My Sociopath Kitty Lucia. (You can spot the Social Anxiety Disorder in her eyes.) Best “Pussy” I ever had.She was a tiny little dominatrix.My favorite kind of female. Street Cred For Vid: The Pet Collective Street Cred For Vid: CurlySVT **** Cast & Crew:Tweety Bird: Lance MarcomSylvester the Cat: Lucia Director: Cecil B. De-Jerk Special … Continue reading
Siren Songs
Fun Fact: The Song was actually vocalized by Emmy Lou Harris, Allison Krauss, & Gillian Welch ****** “Welch was an associate producer and performed on two songs of the soundtrack of the Coen brothers 2000 film O Brother, Where Art Thou?, a platinum album that won the Grammy Award for Album of the Year in … Continue reading
Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them!
Astrud ***** I’ve had too many “Ipanema Girls” in my life. Enough For Two Life-Times. In fact. Now I am weary. And smartly wary. Vid Cred: catman916 Vocalist: Astrud Gilberto (Love The Classic Beehive Hairdo, By The Way… Just sayin’.) ***** Post This Because I love Them! And Just Because I LOVE Them! Every Shape, … Continue reading
To Mask or Not to Mask (That is The Question)
Vid Cred: Shirley Șerban Vid Cred: Shirley Șerban Above Would Be Me! If I were lost in Idiocracy ****** To live or not to Live Zat is the Ques-ze-ion!Personally, I do not mask.(Nor do I Ask ) And I do not live in Fear! Not My Style! I have no Fear! My Dear! ****** I … Continue reading
Moldy Old Posts. A Re-Visit: Shit Holes
Street Cred For Vid: Chetreo Street Cred For Vid: Chetreo Transcribed from an Old Post: ***** I moved out within a week; a one-bedroom frame house had come available and it was a bargain at just ninety bucks a month. It was within fifty yards of ‘the crash site’ of my Monza, just across the … Continue reading
“Please Stay Safe” (You’re Shitting me, Right?)
Vid Street Cred: Cody Ko “Please Stay Safe!”Who the fuck says that?While talking to a Reporter in Middle of the Middle East!“Please stay safe!”Fuck you!Looking at you CNNI have lived in the Middle East!There is no ‘Safe.’ Not Here Not there! Then nowhere n’est-ce pas? No-Where Good Luck! **** I must I simply must Drop … Continue reading
Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)
Song Dedicated to My Cynthia.She works her butt off, looking out for all the inmates here @ Lion’s Den. She is My Guardian Angel in Disguise.I do not want to live in a world without her, now that I’ve found her.And she me… ***** I had a package delivery todayMy neck collar/embracementBut more important:Thank You … Continue reading
I Have But Few Words
Fake Bitch: Not Fake: Not Fake Never Fake: Since I retain my Third World Mode… And counting my blessings… Yet I possess/retain empathy. I have been to Africa. I have seen it. Up Close Have you? (Vid Cred: Leeshan)
Livin’ Life Large Here in The Den, Lion’s Den
I had a package delivery todayMy neck collar/embracementBut more important:Thank You Cards—BlankI filled out three:One for that dude who helped me into my house last week when I was so ‘shaky.’One for Deb—Hotel Management, WardenAnd of course one for, the main one of course … for Cynthia— Walking BossI shouted her down as she was … Continue reading
I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?!
WordDepresswd
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Bugman Visit Cancelled! Thank God! And Thank Cynthia!
(I don’t need no more Bug trouble) Cynthia dropped in earlier; inquired after my state of health.I told her I was OK.She reminded me that this was the day she was to clean my hooch.I begged her not to bother—not her job.And she said, “OK Baby, but if you change your mind…”As we were in … Continue reading
Sexy Goddess Elizabeth: My Last Wife, Chapter Four, Wayward Bound
Actually in my last post, I kinda lied. We were on the same plane but bound for two different destinations:She to Missouri.Me to Texas. During the flight across the pond to America, I went back to the stewardess shack, and said,“See that Nordic Blonde there in 27B? She has agreed to marry me. Got any … Continue reading
Bad Fortunes. Bad Dreams. Are Always Trying To Gang-Tackle Me, (It Seems), But Then They Are Chased Away. By Good Fortune & Good People. (Perpetually in The Nick of Time)
***** But then comes along… I’ve had a rough week and change. That last big storm we’d had shot down a lightning bolt into my ‘back-yard’ and knocked out my internet. For FOUR DAYS! (Thanks so Much for THAT, Zeus) It tried to gasp itself back to life. I was powerless to help. No CPR … Continue reading
Sandra
It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’ I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.Okay? ***** I Can Relate: Never Hesitate ***** Bonus Track: Cred for Vid: Chadman2000
Time After Time
I’ve made up My Time Following The Sublime I’m losing My Mind I’m going away. Call me ‘Ash-Tray!‘ Gone Far Astray Okay?? Away! ***** I mean call ME“Asshole” Or Call me ‘Ismael’ Uh… On Second Thought, Please Don’t Call me ‘Ismael’ Fuck it! Just Call me! Call me ‘Lancelot-Link, Secret Chimp.’ I’ll answer to that. … Continue reading
Hooray For Hollywood! Wish I Could… Still Give a Shit. But The Magic is Gone. Long Gone. So Long!
Street Cred for Vid: kherrick90 Credit: TOPPOP: Star sisters “Any barmaid can be a star-made” ******* Hey Film Buffs!This (Below) is Required Watching! Right On! Spot On! Dead On! Thank YOU! Critical Drinker Man! You Nailed My Same Same Sentiment! Visit Crit Drinker Here Below: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSJPFQdZwrOutnmSFYtbstA The Genesis of all this Bullshit: ***** And No!I … Continue reading
Houston, We’re Screwed.
Pondering, Reflecting, Dissecting, Thinking back (Yeah, I do that sometimes) The thinking part Whilst ‘Thinking’ … I came upon the stark realization that I have been perpetually ‘online’ since 1990 First Step: Admitting You Have A Problem (The Admittance Part is The Hardest Part—Guess That is Why it is First-On-The-ListOnce You Get PAST That…Rest is … Continue reading
That Happy News! Still Friends in 2525
Still Stayin’ Alive! I Feel ‘Blessed’And that’s a Stretch(Since I’m an Atheist) Street Cred for Vid: Sanjin Brilliant! Love it! Just awakened from my coma.Had some wonderful/happy news from a friend via voicemail.(Won’t doxx him) But suffice to say, he’s gonna be OK,(Until 2525 Anyway!) I am happy–everyone deserves some, a little, ‘happy’ in their … Continue reading
English!
(I still love you Baby!) But I had to go See way below… For all the reasons this is so English!I love everything English/British!I had one once.She drove me crazy!I was no longer the smartest in the room.She made me crazy I still love her And I still miss her Marvelous much Woe is me … Continue reading
Arabia (Amman, Chapter The First) “Maggie”
I worked in Amman Jordan for six months.(Parsons/Bechtel evacuated Iraq at the end of our project—USAID Rural Water Project) We had completed all the ‘on-the-ground’-work.Nothing left to do but finalize the paper-work.We could do this in Jordan. It was ‘safer‘ So said Parsons—No need to get anyone else kilt in Iraq—Made sense I suppose. I … Continue reading
Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’
How many people have I hurt? How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine? How many loving wives and good women have I cast away? Got a Super-Duper Calculator? You’ll need it. Life Imitating My ‘Art.’ Hits a little too close to My Home: Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock … Continue reading
‘Siskel & Ebert’ (& Lance): Movie Impressions
“A charmingly, delightfully, hysterically funny movie. And actually, quite Touching and Endearing.(To me anyway)Not gonna be everyone’s ‘cup of tea.’But my teacup runneth over. Three Thumbs Up! Your mileage may vary.” —Lance ‘Ekbert’ Maria Bakalova: My Latest ‘Crush’ (Yes. Lance is a Dirty Old Man–Sue Him–He’s Old, But He Ain’t Dead) **** When the world … Continue reading
Babes, Info (Info-Babes)
(“Babes, Info: Plural. Colloquial.”)—Lance Webster ******** I am not a fan of Babe Ruth (Or of His Candy Bar) I am not a Fan of ‘Babes-In-Toy-Land’ I am not a Fan of Fukked – Up Word-Depressed ‘Customer-Service’ Babes I am not a fan of ‘Babe The Pig‘ I am not a fan of Babe Actresses … Continue reading
Glen Miller Kicked Some Serious Ass!
I Love Our Rich American Culture!I love My Having Been Blessed To Have Been Born An American.And Yes!I Am A Vet! (And A Patriot!) And I love My Country!Forever! Wanna Test The Veracity of My Statement? Well, Stand By For Heavy Rolls! As The Shit Hits Your Fan! Y’all Understand my Tennessee Connection to this. … Continue reading
“Walking On The Moon” (Or, “Pie In The Eye”)
Vid Share Street Cred: Apollo Space Program : Street Cred For Vid: The Police A Trip to the Moon (French: Le Voyage dans la Lune) is a 1902 French adventure short film directed by Georges Méliès God Damn Navy! OK. I have Finished re-watching “From The Earth To The Moon.” (HBO) I never was able … Continue reading
I’ve Got A Lot To Say About This Mo-Fo. And it Ain’t Gonna Be Nothin’ Nice–Fair Warning. (Although I do Respect Him)
Yeah, I do! Don’t Worry; I’ll Get to it! Don’t Worry And This Other Stupid Mother-Fucker: Street cred: John Ward:
Medgar Evers
Poignant and Timely: Vid Share Credit: Swingin’ Pig ***** All of the Prose below is stolen. Just my feeble attempt to pay in my humble way… to try to pay proper tribute to the memory of a Great, Brave American Veteran… ***** “Medgar Wiley Evers (July 2, 1925 – June 12, 1963) was an American … Continue reading
“Gone With The Bear” – As My Third Wife Referred To it. “Just Hold On And Suck In.” –Mammy
–Mammy Video Compilation Credit: huldr rrr Best Clip. Ignore The Others Except the Christine McVie toward the end. That one is requisite! Video Compilation Credit: Michael and Stephanie Sandberg Video Compilation Credit: ‘S’ et al. First time I actually ‘talked’ to her was in her ‘Office’. (She was a ‘new-hire’ Freshly Pressed with her Ph.D.,– … Continue reading
I Don’t Need No More (Toilet) – Trouble
I Love To Laugh (at me) And My Chasing at Sobriety “Hey Lance! What would you do if you ever caught the Sobriety Bus?” “Burn my nose on the tail-pipe–I don’t know–haven’t thought it through.” ****** (Ed. Note: The Bob Marley Vid ain’t Necessary, nor requisite.But I find it a ‘Nice Touch.’ Watch it if … Continue reading
You Peck The Right Button, Pellets Fall Out
Street Cred for Vid: Shea et al. Hi Y’all. I spend almost all of my ‘awake’ hours thinking about writing. I spend what is ‘left-over’ actually writing. Since most of Y’all who are kind enough to visit me here are writers too, I would like to share some of my thoughts about the ‘writing process’, … Continue reading
In My Ever-Persistent Search For Happiness & Beauty In My Life
Share Credit: Y’all Enjoy Thanks to Kevin Bacon (Yeah, that actor dude) Yeah, we’re FB Buds. Hahahahah! Someone put a lot of time and effort into constructing this vid; wish I could give proper credit. Alas.. Ed. Note: (At the beginning. Yes, not ‘conventional’) But if you do not watch the videos, you are wasting … Continue reading
Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I?
“I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods (Ed. Note: This Post has kinda Gone off the Rails & morph’d into an Annie Lennox bit) Sorry. Not Sorry. Scroll Down In most things Politic, I … Continue reading
Just in Time for Easter
Someone once asked me,“Lance, when did you become an Atheist?”I replied,“When I learned to read.”Actually I think even before that.It is geneticFrom my FatherOnly Useful Thing He Ever Gave Me.And it Did Not Cost Him One Dime.But, Thanks Dad.And Before You Get All Bent Out of Shape:Read My Views on People of Faith Some Bonus … Continue reading
Credit Card Companies PISS Me OFF
Song Credit: Dick Feller Recent email to me: “Lance, thank you from Capital One. You’re invited to pre-qualify for auto financing with no impact to your credit score.” Since when do Credit Card Companies think they are allowed to be on ‘First-Name Basis’ with me? I wrote their Customer Service Back: “Hey Cap! Come to … Continue reading
Gnat Pool Party
So, I am tryin’ real hard (Yes it is hard. Hey! Get Yer Mind Outta That Gutter!) Tryin’ real hard to tone down on the drinkin’. Poured me a ‘HALF-GLASS’ of wine, (Not much more than would fill a hen’s ear) into a ‘Normal’ wine glass as opposed to my usual, ‘Barrel Glass Runneth Over.’ … Continue reading
Now Pay Attention Kids. Things Are Gonna Get Easier; Things Are Gonna Get Brighter
So, Buck Up Lil Campers! ***** Most of Below Originally Posted on FaceBook. (Sorta) **** “Now pay attention Kids. I am Not sayin’ I love this version more than the other I recently Posted. But Damn it’s Great! More Healthy Optimism, Less Dread! And Y’all know Beautiful Redheads make me weak-in-the-knees No, not the dude … Continue reading
Word-Press Distress
What I hear while on the telephone with WordPress Customer Diss-Me-Service: WordPress, how do I hate Thee? Let Me Count The Ways. (This Make Take Some Time. Have A Seat. I’ll Get You A Drink) **** Hey WP! This Below could be dedicated from me to you. (If you were worth-a-shit!) Sadly. You are Not … Continue reading
The La Mesa Yankee Girl In King Lance’s Court (From Connecticut) Work-In-Progress… *Apologies to Mark Twain*
A very long TT&H Project I am working on: “KAREN, The Only Non-Texan Girl I Ever Loved” (Working Title) OK. That’s a Bullshit Lie. But it Looked Good to Me In Print. So I’m gonna run with it. ***** Just need to wait for her to send me the photo records… “Dear Karen,I have a … Continue reading
Car Shield? No Deal!
Y’all know I watch way too much CNN. Ten Minuets of ‘News’ and Fifty Minuets of Obnoxious Commercials. Every Hour. Day after Day. Every Day! Above is one of the worst. I dialed up Car Shield: “Hey Car Shield! I want to Board Your Gravy Train!” “Sure. We are here for you. But first, we … Continue reading
Lance Health Update: I think I’m Gonna Barf
“Well, that passed.” I love you Margie (Frances) ******* Condition (“I saw so much I broke My Mind.”)
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
I know I am an asshole, But I write what I feel. And I am Honest. AND I DO RESPECT MY READERS. (Both of them) Believe it or Don’t Your Choice.
Face-Fukked
For Any Enquiring Minds Who Give-A-Shit: I recently deleted My Face-Fuk Account of 12 Years. Guess what happened next. FaceBook sent a buxom Blond to Mi Casa. Ostensibly to give me a blow-job. But it did not take me long to figger out that all she wanted was for me to undelete my account. I … Continue reading
SueZ, Open Sez-a-me! Canal!
I have been to the Suez Canal at least 300 times. I’ve been witness to some incredibly funny shit in my day, but never nothin’ even remotely approaching this Monumental Shipping Screw-UP! LMFAO! ******* Because I am a Smart-assed Moron: Clik the GD Link Below! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! ****** Jet, the oldest at the table–about thirty—wore a … Continue reading
A Love for All Seasons. And For All The Right Reasons
Just One More In The Continuing Series: “All The Women Lance Loves” Have a Blast. (WIP) Street Cred Vid Share Credit: stumblingChaos ***** Olivia on the phone with me: (Wanna Talk Vain Fantasy?) ***** And Just To Lift Your Spirits: “O happy dagger, This is thy sheath. There rust and let me die.“ Whomever posted … Continue reading
Diana
Yes! I am a Hopelessly Romantic SAP. *** Her untimely departure really fucked me up. (More than this ‘Macho-Man’ would ever care or confess to admit.) Street Cred for Vid: Missmariasiya **** Christopher, I love you more than cash money,BUTI do not agree with you.(Actually I Do… Sorta.)However, comma,I’d like to hold onto myIdealisticDreamsAnd Fantasies…RegardingPrincesses. … Continue reading
Still Tryin’ To Tempt Rickie—Part Trois–Last Chance Asshole!
Just give me a little more time. ***** I like to savor my loving jealous vanity… Sanity Insanity Fantasy **** “But the battery went dead And the cables don’t reach. And the timing’s all wrong…“
Texas (no longer) Monthly
Why are Corporations so Fucking Stupid? I wanted to submit an article for publish consideration. ‘To Texas Monthly.’ “Oh! Hell no! Slow down Cowboy! First we need your next of kin. The name of your first born. Your Social # Your most recent wife’s bra size. And about three thousand dollars. You good with this?“ … Continue reading
This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’)
For A Post I have Bouncing About in My Head. Working Title: “Wonton America.” All Americans are “Want-Ones’ (You Have Probably Already Figured Out Why This Is Timely And Apropos) Street Cred for Vid: ‘Playing For Change‘ The you? **** The young Girl Singing… Broke my already broken Heart. Will work for Beer! Oh Drear!Or … Continue reading
When The Men On The Chessboard Get Up & Tell You Where To Go…
I’m gonna ‘Unplug’ for a spell: For Mental Health Reasons (Of Course All Y’all Faithful, Regular Readers Know I’m Lying–But It was Fun To Type That Lie: Just One of Life’s Simple Pleasures.) Catch Y’all On The Flip-Flop… And don’t forget to follow the white rabbit- – Down The rabbit hole— If you dare, I’ll … Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser—Part Duh–To Be Continued
I’ll get to it. By and By… Don’t worry… Street Cred: 3LONZO “I hope it isn’t contagious.” ***** Do not expect me to ‘splain this. Google is your friend. Tom & Rickie Lee:An All-American Couple (God Damn How I Love You Both! You have, Le Both, Enriched my Life!) Beyond Measure. ****** (But I am … Continue reading
Rickie Lee Teaser! (“Lookie Here Y’all”)
I know! I know! I KNOW! I am supposed to be WORKING (On my Rickie Lee Post) Not Great audio/video Quality “Girl Quality” is Great However: THE DUCHESS OF COOLSVILLE : Shared Street Cred for VID: Rickie Lee Jones(DUH!) ********* But I am stuck on a German Submarine somewhere in the North Atlantic right now. … Continue reading
Rita!
Words Fail! Best I can Muster: Wow! Just WoW! Star Stricken! “Rita, You Are So Beautiful!” “Learn How To Pretend” Rita, Beautiful Lady, I Did Learn. Too Well. Far Too Well… Well? Now What? If you look up “TRUE LOVE” in the Dictionary, This You Shall Discover ****** Clik The GD Below Link. It Works! … Continue reading
The Wino And I Know!
No Whine Before It’s Mine! Street Cred: MoonLit Water ***** Bonus Added Value! **** I know I am STUPID! But, I just want to make people LAUGH! (This is My Mission) ***** “Livin’ My Life Like A Song” –Jimmy B. “It’s A Strange Situation… Wild Occupation!”– JB–Again. ***** Man Wrote some really Great Shit! ***** … Continue reading
WordPress! WP is STUPID!
WordPress! You Make Me Want To Throw Up In My Mouth! Just Fukking PLEASE! Please Allow Me To PERFORM A SIMPLE EDIT! Thank you. (Expect a Telephone Call… soon as my phone recharges…) ******
Joni: “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.”
Danger! Will Robinson! This post is RAW! I ‘might’ edit it later (But Do Not Count On It!) I have no fucking idea why I am posting this. Actually, I do. It is because Joni Mitchell has shaped my life (in the best way) more than all the women (combined) who so desperately tried (and … Continue reading
Donna, Disco, And Convicts
While I was at SFM, during ‘The Disco Agony Epoch,’ We had a ‘Homemade’ Desert House–Band—Rockers ALL! They called their Band: ‘The Sisco Ducks’ Which of course was a play on words for ‘Disco Sucks.’ (We were all drug addicts back then) We smoked hashish for breakfast, lunch, supper, and night-cap. Ever’day! Next day, rinse … Continue reading
“Beware The Ides of March!”
“What do he mean by that Julius?” Julius sez, “I doesn’t know.” ***** Roberta (The only GF who has stuck by me for DECADES!) reminded me that we are Knee-Deep into the Ides of March… so, natch… Brother Dave! And Willie-The-Half-Sprung Shake…s…Spear “Here Julius; hold this!” ***** (Y’all are welcome for this little ‘Cultural’ Interlude) … Continue reading
Screwed! Cork-Screw’ed! Properly In Peril!
My Corkscrew is a Broke-Dick Dog! Those who claim to know me… Will unner-stan what a crisis this be for me! **** (Thank You Hank JR:—You have always Been an Inspiration for Me) : I suppose I could always smash the bottle against some concrete. OOPs! ************ But, in the doing of that… I may … Continue reading
Stimulate Me Bitch!
Woo-Hoo! Wu Flu! You have ‘Stimulated’ Me! “Per your instructions, we are notifying you of the following… Account activity on the Checking account # *0000 with Guaranty Bank & Trust: Account Bal is $2,333.53 as of 03/17/2021 01:13 AM” **************** Ever’month—Right?—No?—You just a One-Trick Pony? Well, “Go to Fuk You Then!!”— California! Here I come!” … Continue reading
Agnetha! Please!
Take a Chance on Me! I will worship You! Every Day! You will be my QUEEN! My Dancing One! **** This Vid NEVER Grows Old for Me. (And I am an ‘Old Fuck!’) Can’t take my eyes off of you… Agnetha! “You’re just too good to be true!” “I love you Baby!” (Yeah, I am … Continue reading
Every Good Boy Deserve A Flavour. (No ‘Flavours’ Given Here.) Just Some Free Advice: “Forced Self-ISOLATION MAY BE MENTALLY UNHEALTHY.” (You’re Welcome.)
Living all alone here at The Lion’s Den for nearly one year now… I’m starting to feel a lot Like Matt Damon: ************** Hey! I was told Linda was to meet me HERE! It’s a relatively small planet. I shouldn’t be hard to find! Where The Fuk is SHE?! ************ ***************** RIP Jimi. Your genius … Continue reading
“Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?
A Sumptuous Feast. Fit For Any Beast: OK: Ready, Set, GO! (Or is it, “Game. Set. Match?”) I am easily befuddled… Got my evening all mapped out: Dinner and a movie—then perhaps a little ‘hanky-panky.’ Alcohol may come into play! Char-dun-Yay! All The Way! & Sade. Sade. Sade. Pronounced ‘Shar-Day!’ How many times must I … Continue reading
Twisted Duet (Just One More Madelyn Memory…)
One Saturday night, Madelyn and I (And Jennifer Rambo) Found ourselves standing before Daddy. In His Study. That Bitch Gloria (My Step-Mom) was there as Well. Our ‘Mission’… was to procure/beg money. Maddy and Jennifer did this Joni (as a) Duet and Perfection two-part Harmony: a capella! “Twisted” Street Cred For The Vid: JoniJourney (It … Continue reading
WASTED
Perfect! Gonna add this to my Life’s Soundtrack: Soon available as a Box’d-Up Set Available At Fine Book Stores Everywhere. (If you have a time-machine) But Now! However…. No! “Wait! No Fine Book Stores Left???” “No kinda, semi-fine Bookstores?” “No sorta-fine Bookstores?” “No Marginally Fine Bookstores?” “No Mediocre-Fine Bookstores?” “No Bargain – Basement Bookstores?” “NO!” … Continue reading
ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Cass, and Lance
Yeah! I am trying to occupy (and distract) my mind with Beauty and Music. (See previous posts if you do not know why this is requisite for me.) Speaking of posts, and posting, This one is an unorganized, not edited, convoluted…. piece of shit. (Screw it! I will NOT edit this. It was a ‘stream … Continue reading
Assholes ‘R’ Us!
Some asshole just emailed me: (Yes My email Addy is ‘Public’) I have No Fear! Feel Free! ‘lancemarcom781@gmail.com’ ************** I quote her: “We” (Really? ‘We?—whois ‘We’?) She continued, “We are sick to death of reading about your dead sister! STFU!” Of course I could NOT let this go. I had to respond. And I did, … Continue reading
Weary
I have grown ever so weary of grieving. I have grown ever so weary of tearing. I have grown ever so weary of crying. I have gown ever so weary of dying (Deep inside—I AM still Alive!) Madelyn is not! She is dead and gone! Video Compilation Credit: Evan Burek If Madelyn had ever made … Continue reading
“How Do You Hold A Moonbeam In Your Hand?”
Maria and Cap’n Von Madelyn & Me! Me & Madelyn! On-The-Stage! Stars! She & Me! Me & She! We had to share The Spotlight, but “The Play” Was always about HER Not Me As it should be. ******* She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’ “Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa 1975 (Every so often, … Continue reading
My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)
“One Day, You’ll Be cool.” —Said Madelyn to Lance **** I wanted to post this polished (And slightly edited) But, once again, WordPress is being STUPID! So… What you see Is what you get! I cannot edit the Goddamn thing! I’ll come back to this if I find ‘sober.’ (Don’t set your watch–and do not … Continue reading
Lance Looks in the Mirror
First time in some years… (Risky, Dangerous Enterprise? Yes?!) Casually regards the visage staring back at him. “Something’s missing,” he says. Dons DEVO hat. Yeah! Hell yeah! That’s the “Look!” ******** “Maternity Flight Suits????” Joe? Really? I never watched the movie, “G.I. Jane” (Because it was a farce and insulted the Navy SEAL program), but… … Continue reading
More Face-Dork Shit: Vain Fantasy Shit
(Perhaps I will revisit this post and edit it …But I doubt that.) Stream of unconsciousness “I mostly write about my past. (On my TT&H Blog–and here too, I guess) Recent past Not so recent past Some ancient history past. All true. All memories, My Memories, True Memories (‘Cept for the times I blacked out … Continue reading
First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well
Dateline: Late 1985 Time: 0800 hrs. Geographical Location: Great Mistakes Naval Training Center—Just south of Chicago. Venue: A Navy Auditorium Suspect: One Ricky-Recruit, AKA Marcom *Slips now into first-person narrative* I had arrived just a little later than was prudent. Hence, no seats in the back of the venue. Searched about. Scanning… Only open seats … Continue reading
Michelle, Ma Belle: Tease
“Michelle, ma belle. These are words that go together well. My Michelle”: This is a ‘teaser’ for something I am currently working. (‘Tis an expanding part of my “Great Mistakes Naval Training Center” Nascent Series) Remember “The Marine”? The Little Blonde One? Of Course you do! This will be way better. Believe me? Good. I … Continue reading
The Marine
Transcribed from a Facebook IM Chat session I recently had with my best (perhaps only) Friend: “Talking to you about Great Mistakes Naval Training Center reminded of a pleasant memory… Of A Woman—I know—difficult to fathom while listening to all my other ‘Sea-Stories’, but this one is a ‘no-shitter.’ Just trust me. There were no … Continue reading
Mandy’s of the World: Steer Clear of Lance Marcom! (Trust Me On This Ladies)
Typical, Representative of The ‘Mandy’ Species (In My Humble Experience Anyway) It has been my life’s experience that ALL women named ‘Mandy’ are good and decent people: Sweet and kind–if only just a little too innocent and blind. (to life’s Harsh Realities….) But without that, that innocence, they would be named ‘Bertha’ or ‘Helga’ or … Continue reading
The Rise and Fall Of The ‘Alien’ Franchise (CONTAINS NOTHING BUT SPOILERS—In More Ways Than One)
And This Post Is Mainly Directed At Film Buffs In General And ‘Alien’ Fans In Particular. There is a lot of content here i.e., A Lot of Videos. I you don’t watch the vids, you are probably wasting your time. But You Do You Let’s Get On With It, Shall we? I always Like To … Continue reading
Something Wrong
(This Post Is A Chocolate Mess–All Over The Place) There must be something inherently wrong Something inherently, just wrong, with a man who can love Joni Mitchell–Mitchell and LBJ all in the same virtual ‘sentence’ I have seen idiots from ‘Both Sides Now’ And… I have been the ‘Both Sides’ Idiot. Still am, I suppose. … Continue reading
I am too Stupid to Figure Out How to Reblog One of My Own Posts.
(And Normally I would NOT Want To.) But This Is TEXAS INDEPENDENCE DAY! So I had to attempt a work-around. Recently in TEXAS: WHAT A MISERY! Commerce, Texas–short time ago (Where I am Hangin’ MY Hat) Home of TAMU-Commerce ************** I am curious to Discover if ‘THIS’ Works. I give it FIFTY-FIFTY. ************* Below is … Continue reading
Windows Are Not Impediments in My World:
Merely Distractions. How did I get so drunk so fast? I only had sixteen glasses of wine in twelve minutes! ‘Scuze for a moment. Bill Gates is on CNN. I have to remove a shoe, so that I might puke into it. BRB! OK. I tried and tried and I tried! To get through this … Continue reading
Greta! Garbo!
“I have been so in love with you since forever Greta.“ –Lance Marcom said that. To her face (She was not impressed) She just turned her back and walked away. Joining MS Muse on the Nasty Couch. And Certainly Laughing At My Expense… “I only want to be ‘let’ alone.” There is all the difference…. … Continue reading
“What you don’t know about women is a lot.”
–Rose Castorini (Olympia Dukakis) In This Vid Clip, You Will Discover Lance. Video Cred: Ted Reinert Lance loves women; He just cannot help Himself. He does not understand them. Therein lies that magic… “Moonlight in a Martini.” (Volumn is fukked. Crank it up!) Lance Romance. Added Value: “Breaks Your Heart Just Lookin’ At Her.” Snakes … Continue reading
Karen? (Nice to Know Somebody Loved Me) Once or Twice. I Always Loved YOU Karen
I don’t like spiders and snakes. But I do love Karen, Karen Carpenter. Video Credit: “Carpenters” Carpenters Duh! Karen? Why? Oh why? Why did you leave us? Karen! Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? I suppose you were broken As am I But I am still Alive! … Continue reading
The Joke Is On Me (And On You–For Even Being Here) Broadcast News
Facebook Post:Good morning!I am feeling somewhat “normal” today.Trying to stay two steps ahead of the neck pain.Taking lots of Ibuprofen and booze.Put MS Muse Out of my Misery.But I miss her already.I just may have a life after all.Or not.“O, that way madness lies; let me shun that;No more of that.”—King Lear, Act 3, Scene … Continue reading
Farewell Forevermore To My Best Ever Friend: My Abusive Muse. I am Sad, But Also Happy
*previous* Farewell To My Best Friend: The Abusive Muse This pains me to write. “Kate, We were only Yesterday. Now we are…” Today, and Yesterday, and Tomorrow. “I love you, and I Thank You.” Karen Karen Carpenter! You killed you! And robbed us of You. Why??? Why Oh Why? Some of you good and loyal … Continue reading
Dead Reckoning, Abusive Muse: This is the End
Video Credit: Christian Davies Previous I was not to be denied. “Kate! Katherine! Muse!” I shouted, as I bounded from my computer chair over to her. “I love you! Will you marry me or no? I must know!” I stood in front of her, trembling. She stood up, sidestepped the nasty coffee table, and walked … Continue reading
Un-Requited Love! (Abusive, Callous Muse)
Credit: The School of Life The School of Life When last we left our hero… “I cleared my throat, mustered all the courage and moxie I had remaining, and said, “Will You Marry Me?” No respond; Just a blank stare. She retired over to the Nasty Couch, but not before gathering all her props: Glass … Continue reading
Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE
Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’ Fuck it! But it is a light-hearted Shit Post, mocking me even more than I mock Broadcast News: CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Etcetera & Ad Nausea And I am stalling, waiting for MS Muse to respond to my recent Proposal of Marriage She is sitting on the couch as I … Continue reading
“Texan Snowmageddon: A Play in Six Acts,” Or “Thanks 2020 for Bringing 2021 Up-To-Speed.” Nice Hand-Off
First of All…This is a Happy Texan Story, So do not get prematurely bummed out. And you may ignore the ‘added value’ of the music and the vids, but you will not experience the ‘full benefit’ if you chose to do that. “Snowmageddon” has finally been Kicked-to-The Curb. Texas Survived. I survived. Had to treat … Continue reading
More Wasted Pearls-at-Swine Facebook Nonsense Posted By Me. “Latest Styles & Colors!” & Baghdad!
“I am working on a new post, but it is too heavy for FaceBook. Will publish it on my Blog. Soon. Stay tuned! “Latest Styles & Colors!” I have six or seven pages of copious notes to make sense of. May take a day or two. Meantime, I just drop this bit of frivolity in.”
Snow, Texas (NO) Power & Light, Abusive Muse: True Love of My Life, All Mish-Mashed Together
Vid Share Credit: Retrospective Soundtrack (An aside: Katherine Ross is The Most Beautiful Woman In The History of “Woman.”—Precisely Why My MS Muse is Moniker’ed “Katherine.”) And “The Graduate” is one of the Greatest Movies Ever Made.—Don’t Believe Me?—Just Ask My Muse, Katherine. She’ll Set You Straight as you are picking yourself up off the … Continue reading