“Le Space Race.” Or, “Computer Games For My Fun, But For No Profit & No Wives” *I Could Survive W/O The Wives, But Never Without The Computer Gaming Lives I Lived–Am Still Living*

“Le Space Race.” Or, “Computer Games For My Fun, But For No Profit & No Wives” *I Could Survive W/O The Wives, But Never Without The Computer Gaming Lives I Lived–Am Still Living*

Computer Gaming Ruined No Less Than Three Of My Marriages
Continue reading

(Please Just Watch All The Videos I Stole) Great News! Bill Just Released A New Video! Now I Am In The Middle Of My Happy-Lance-Break-Dance! “The Genius That is Bill Wurtz”

(Please Just Watch All The Videos I Stole) Great News! Bill Just Released A New Video! Now I Am In The Middle Of My Happy-Lance-Break-Dance! “The Genius That is Bill Wurtz”

I just want folks to enjoy some of the things that enrich my life.

And perhaps maybe hopefully even enrich yours.
Continue reading

Had To—Sorry Y’all: I Love Cuba / Cubana / Cuban Women—This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’) edit; yeah, this Is, Errr… Was… Timely When I First Wrote It.

Had To—Sorry Y’all: I Love Cuba / Cubana / Cuban Women—This Is Just Yet Another Tease (‘Wonton ‘a-Meri-ca’) edit; yeah, this Is, Errr… Was… Timely When I First Wrote It.

“Wonton America”
LOL! Continue reading

If You Are ‘A Madonna Hater’, I Humbly Suggest Y’all Skip This One.

If You Are ‘A Madonna Hater’, I Humbly Suggest Y’all Skip This One.

Mo love
Mo love
Mo love
This post needs.
Mo Madonna Love
I love this woman.
If you have a brain, you do tool. You tool
She moves my body & MIND n ways my body ain’t supposed/designed to move. Continue reading

Hits Way Too Close To My Home. JUST  One More On My Mis-Adventures With  Miss-Bitch Alcohol: Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake-Up’ “Some Days, I Just Can’t Breathe”

Hits Way Too Close To My Home. JUST One More On My Mis-Adventures With Miss-Bitch Alcohol: Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake-Up’ “Some Days, I Just Can’t Breathe”

Have I Ever Mentioned
How Much I Love, Worship, Admire, & Respect
Sandra Bullock?
I Have? Thought So.
N/M

Continue reading

Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part VIII: “The Blackjack Enlightenment of Miss Jean Brodie… Er… I Meant ‘Shonnie’” I LOVE Veg’s! Wht Ws Yer First Clue?

Shonnie The Biker’s Wife Part VIII: “The Blackjack Enlightenment of Miss Jean Brodie… Er… I Meant ‘Shonnie’” I LOVE Veg’s! Wht Ws Yer First Clue?

Shonnie was growing tired and bitchy and mouthy so I called an end to the training session, satisfied enough by then with her understanding of the game. Continue reading

Shonnie The Biker’s Wife, Pt VI: Vegas’ ‘Soft Porn’, or ‘Blue Motel Room’

Shonnie The Biker’s Wife, Pt VI: Vegas’ ‘Soft Porn’, or ‘Blue Motel Room’

Shonnie Saga Continues (Unsuitable for minors and miners: Adult Content) Parts One   Two  Three  Four  Five *** She dropped her robe and lay back on the bed. I had to pause a moment and fill my eyes. Her petite body was perfection. She was very light-skinned (not my usual ‘type’—truly I have always been a … Continue reading

Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife. Part V: Vegas

Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife. Part V: Vegas

Part V of My Shonnie Saga Parts One  Two  Three  Four *** Our road trip to Vegas takes five hours and change. Once we got past San Bernardino and well into the desert I announced it was safe to drink and drive and ride. Therefore, we pulled over and had some cocktails. And smokes. Then … Continue reading

Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife, Part Four Yeh I ‘ctully Write this Shite. Yeh, My Keybord Is Still Broke-Dick Dog

Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife, Part Four Yeh I ‘ctully Write this Shite. Yeh, My Keybord Is Still Broke-Dick Dog

Shonnie Saga: Part Four Parts One,   Two,   Three. We spent that Friday afternoon and most of Saturday enjoying the Bluegrass festival while swilling beers and smoking lots of cigarettes. During the late evenings we would share burgers, listen to all sorts of music on my little boom box, drink whiskey and have great sex. We … Continue reading

Lyndon Johnson, Just Another Schmuck Lookin’ Out for His Nuts

Lyndon Johnson, Just Another Schmuck Lookin’ Out for His Nuts

LBJ all The Way! Continue reading

Please DO NOT READ THIS! IT Is A Self-PITY-PARTY: Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife, Part VII: “A Crappy Star Is Born.” I Uh… Yeah Well-Documented My Fuk-Ups Re: Shonnie. “I’m Losin’ My Taste For Fruit”

Please DO NOT READ THIS! IT Is A Self-PITY-PARTY: Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife, Part VII: “A Crappy Star Is Born.” I Uh… Yeah Well-Documented My Fuk-Ups Re: Shonnie. “I’m Losin’ My Taste For Fruit”

Shonnie was that quintessential keeper!

How did I let her slip AWAY??
How
Why?
Why???
Continue reading

I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

I Am Doll Parts, Or… “How I Came to Live in The Shit Hole Garage Apartment Which was not Really a Garage Apartment, but only a Shit-Hole Underneath a Garage Apartment.”

I Fake it so real I am beyond Fake. Continue reading

This Still Makes Me Cry Whenever I Re-Live It. (Perhaps I should Stop Doing That) “The Funeral” DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LOVE CATS. You have been properly warned.

This Still Makes Me Cry Whenever I Re-Live It. (Perhaps I should Stop Doing That) “The Funeral” DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LOVE CATS. You have been properly warned.

This is a f*cked up sad, true story.
I need to not dwell.
Oh Well.
Sometimes revisited grief is the best kind.
It clears the mind
Reminds me that I am human
And Have Love Inside Me
And It Breaks My Heart Continue reading

Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket & Then Promptly Fell Hard For A Sabra (He Never Fully Recovered)

Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket & Then Promptly Fell Hard For A Sabra (He Never Fully Recovered)

Shalom Y’all!
And Please Forgive Me Father, For I Have Sinned.
Again, And Again, And Again.
Generally With Gin

Continue reading

Texans For Kinky UNITE! (Yes. Another Cowboy ‘Re-Boot’)

Texans For Kinky UNITE! (Yes. Another Cowboy ‘Re-Boot’)

Now, for all y’all Texans out there in Radio Land, this Man needs no introduction. For Rest Of Y’all Un-Washed Masses, Please Allow Me To ‘Educate’ Y’all.

Continue reading

This Post Is Wayyy Too Long. The Author Should Be Taken Out Back. And Shot. In The Head. Three Times. “Not Like Going Down The Pond Chasing Blue Gills Or Tommy Cots”–Quint

This Post Is Wayyy Too Long. The Author Should Be Taken Out Back. And Shot. In The Head. Three Times. “Not Like Going Down The Pond Chasing Blue Gills Or Tommy Cots”–Quint

No More Peanut Stories.
Making Me
Melancholy!
When I Want
To be
Jolly
And Happy! Continue reading

Y’all Know This Drill: PLEASE Re-Visit–I DID. Tanks In Advance. “This Was Ostensibly Meant To Be A Tongue – in- Cheek Fun Post,

Y’all Know This Drill: PLEASE Re-Visit–I DID. Tanks In Advance. “This Was Ostensibly Meant To Be A Tongue – in- Cheek Fun Post,

Food Makes Me Sick Continue reading

I Hate Haight/Asbury That Intersection Destroyed My Mother’s Mind. WP Will Not Allow Me to Edit This Go’damn Post! “If You Just Wanna Go Out Drinkin’ Honey, Won’t You Invite Me Along Please?”

I Hate Haight/Asbury That Intersection Destroyed My Mother’s Mind. WP Will Not Allow Me to Edit This Go’damn Post! “If You Just Wanna Go Out Drinkin’ Honey, Won’t You Invite Me Along Please?”

Life was hard on me back then,

Because I did not know my left foot from my right foot.
Continue reading

Re-Boot: “On The Street Where I Lived”

Re-Boot: “On The Street Where I Lived”

All the houses on Bruning Street were brand new. And they were all alike. But their alikeness did not dampen my spirits, especially since mom and I had left the moldy old garage apartment across town. I had finally escaped that place and the Ghost of that Murdered Turkey. Continue reading

C’est Moi, And Still “Missing The Most Interesting Man In Iraq”

C’est Moi, And Still “Missing The Most Interesting Man In Iraq”

I miss his dumb ass (and ‘dumb-ass’ is a term of endearment where I come from)
If one is lucky, really lucky, one meets maybe one, two, or  three or four people in life that transcend funny. Bob-The Mechanic Was Just Such A Person
Continue reading

Moldy-Oldie Re-Run Alert! Very-Slightly Re-Worked.  But I Really Enjoyed ‘Re-Writing’ This One… And I Do Hope Y’all Will Enjoy ‘Re-Reading’ This Newly ‘Expanded’ Version.

Moldy-Oldie Re-Run Alert! Very-Slightly Re-Worked. But I Really Enjoyed ‘Re-Writing’ This One… And I Do Hope Y’all Will Enjoy ‘Re-Reading’ This Newly ‘Expanded’ Version.

Goat Lover,
Where Be You Now? Continue reading

In My ‘Not So Humble Opinion’ One of the BEST Movies To Come Out Of The ‘Cultural Wasteland’ That Was/Were ‘The Nineteen Nineties’ And As Most Of Y’all Know, I Live & Die On The Internet: Mostly Just Die

In My ‘Not So Humble Opinion’ One of the BEST Movies To Come Out Of The ‘Cultural Wasteland’ That Was/Were ‘The Nineteen Nineties’ And As Most Of Y’all Know, I Live & Die On The Internet: Mostly Just Die

“If music be the food of love, play on”
–Orsino From ‘Twelfth Night’

Continue reading

Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)–A “Re-Poster, Poster” C’est Vrai: C’est Moi. That Is All, Y’all

Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)–A “Re-Poster, Poster” C’est Vrai: C’est Moi. That Is All, Y’all

I Have Never Been To Louisiana! Hahahah! Y’all Doan B’Lieve Me?!
Continue reading

OK. Very Last Re-Run, Then I’m Done. Believe me? Good. I Also Have A Bridge For-Sale, (Not Cheap, But Affordable)

OK. Very Last Re-Run, Then I’m Done. Believe me? Good. I Also Have A Bridge For-Sale, (Not Cheap, But Affordable)

C’mon Yall!
Let’s love this one!
Again.
Yes.
Memory Lance – Lane Continue reading

Sorry Kiddos, But I Felt ‘Compelled’ to Resurrect This One: “Hooray For Hollywood?! Wish I Could… Still Give Two Shits. Yet The Magic Has Gone. Long Gone. So Long!  So Wrong!”

Sorry Kiddos, But I Felt ‘Compelled’ to Resurrect This One: “Hooray For Hollywood?! Wish I Could… Still Give Two Shits. Yet The Magic Has Gone. Long Gone. So Long! So Wrong!”

Please re-read.
I added a Daddy Snippet….
Under the Rainbow.
Cannot believe I did not include this in the orig. Continue reading

Updated & Had to Add! Arabia (Amman,  Chapter The First) “Maggie” Or, “Lance-of-Arabia” Or, “Nothing is Written”

Updated & Had to Add! Arabia (Amman, Chapter The First) “Maggie” Or, “Lance-of-Arabia” Or, “Nothing is Written”

Maggie and Hala Used to Sing This Song around Our Office In Amman.

They Were So Charming!

I miss them so much! Continue reading

Barbara Jordan: A Courageous, Eloquent,  Brillant Texas Woman. She Makes Me So Very Proud of My Texan Heritage.

Barbara Jordan: A Courageous, Eloquent, Brillant Texas Woman. She Makes Me So Very Proud of My Texan Heritage.

Texas Don’t Make ‘Em Any Better Than She

Continue reading

More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai

More Random Memories from the Middle East: Still Sinai

The IDF soldier navigated down the hill as Janet got ‘properly’ dressed inside our tent to greet our visitor. Continue reading

Still Yet Even More Random Memories from the Middle East: SCUBA (Self-Contained-Under-Water  Breathing Apparatus—Invented By Jaques Cousteau–A Frenchman)

Still Yet Even More Random Memories from the Middle East: SCUBA (Self-Contained-Under-Water Breathing Apparatus—Invented By Jaques Cousteau–A Frenchman)

I Still MISS Her
HELL! i STILL MISS ALL MY EX-WIVES!
I LOVED Them All–Semi-Equally Continue reading

May Be Worth ‘A-Re-Look’–California Is Still Breaking My Heart. “All The Leaves Are  Brown And My Sky is Gray” I Am A Texan: This Is Not New News…

May Be Worth ‘A-Re-Look’–California Is Still Breaking My Heart. “All The Leaves Are Brown And My Sky is Gray” I Am A Texan: This Is Not New News…

The California That I loved so Much is Dead to me Now.
This Hurts My Heart.
More Than You Can Possible Know. Continue reading

I Want Another Little Jewish Princess. Just Before I Departed For Israel, Well, Actually The Sinai Desert, My Maternal Grand-Mother Felt ‘Compelled’ To Impart This Wisdom Upon Me:

I Want Another Little Jewish Princess. Just Before I Departed For Israel, Well, Actually The Sinai Desert, My Maternal Grand-Mother Felt ‘Compelled’ To Impart This Wisdom Upon Me:

I Loved Israel.
And Israeli Women!
Always Shall Continue reading

Morons/Assholes ‘R’ Us! Well, Lance Anyhow.”I’m An Asshole, And I’m Proud Of It.”–Denis Leary (& Lance Anthony Marcom)

Morons/Assholes ‘R’ Us! Well, Lance Anyhow.”I’m An Asshole, And I’m Proud Of It.”–Denis Leary (& Lance Anthony Marcom)

I AM A “Humble Man’
Believe That Shite? If You Answer ‘Yes’
You Hve Swerved Onto The Wrong Page. You Should’ve Taken That OTHER Turn At Albuquerque–Just Sayin’ Continue reading

I Wish I Could Be This Brave. I Never Shall Be. No Matter How Much I Desire To Be. I Am Far Too Vain, And Way Too Full of Myself.

I Wish I Could Be This Brave. I Never Shall Be. No Matter How Much I Desire To Be. I Am Far Too Vain, And Way Too Full of Myself.

I Can NEVER Even Aspire To Be This Brave, Nor Possess Such A Heart.
Isn’t THAT Funny! Me! Mister Navy SEAL Trainee X 2! Continue reading

Embedded in My Last Women List: Had to Re-Post This:  That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It. Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them! I’m a Slut/Sailor. What Can I Say?

Embedded in My Last Women List: Had to Re-Post This: That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It. Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them! I’m a Slut/Sailor. What Can I Say?

Ipanema Girl!
And
Dorothy HamillAnd Stupid Lance-A-Not!
Continue reading

“Lady Luck” or “Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered” You Choose. (WIP) And Of Course, This Really Ain’t Fiction. I Just Changed Some Names–To Protect… N/M

“Lady Luck” or “Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered” You Choose. (WIP) And Of Course, This Really Ain’t Fiction. I Just Changed Some Names–To Protect… N/M

Lost Wages
Lost Mind
Lost Soul
Doncha Know? Continue reading

I Have Never Claimed To Possess Any Small Semblance of Discernible Intelligence, But I Keep Strivin’ To ‘Sailor-On’ And Entertain Both of my Readers

I Have Never Claimed To Possess Any Small Semblance of Discernible Intelligence, But I Keep Strivin’ To ‘Sailor-On’ And Entertain Both of my Readers

“Huh? Uh… Lance? Are You Okay”
“No” Continue reading

“Operation Entebbe”– More To Come On This Subject—And Y’all Already Know I’m Lying–Sue Me! Good Luck With That! I Keep All of OJ’s Lawyers On Retainer.

“Operation Entebbe”– More To Come On This Subject—And Y’all Already Know I’m Lying–Sue Me! Good Luck With That! I Keep All of OJ’s Lawyers On Retainer.

(Took Me A Few Months To Learn Just Enuff Hebrew To Get Me Into Serious Trouble… But Learned Hebrew, I Did–Much To My Chagrin…)
I arrived thirteen months and change after the ‘Event’. Continue reading

The Idiot And The Odyssey. Oh My Fukken Gawd! Lost At Sea! But I Got A  One-Way Ticket For My “Destination” ‘Destination?’–I Suppose San Dog Must Suffice (In-A-Pinch Of Vice)

The Idiot And The Odyssey. Oh My Fukken Gawd! Lost At Sea! But I Got A One-Way Ticket For My “Destination” ‘Destination?’–I Suppose San Dog Must Suffice (In-A-Pinch Of Vice)

What An Adventure My Life Has Been. I Have Truly Been Blessed! (And THIS From An ATHEIST!) HAHAHAHA! Continue reading

Jury Duty, Texas Style: Sentence, GUILTY! Too Sad / Too Bad That Your Lame-Ass Lawyer Stepped On My Ego. I’m Sorry Johnson, Wherever You May Be Now-A-Days….

Jury Duty, Texas Style: Sentence, GUILTY! Too Sad / Too Bad That Your Lame-Ass Lawyer Stepped On My Ego. I’m Sorry Johnson, Wherever You May Be Now-A-Days….

I Still Carry My Shame Around In My Left Hip Pocket. Just to Remind Me of What An Asshole I Can Be… Continue reading

Jury Duty, Texas Style: Chapter Four

Jury Duty, Texas Style: Chapter Four

Jury Had To Make A Decision.
Damn! I Didn’t Wanna. I Mean, Who Was I? A Criminal, That’s Who. A Criminal Who NEVER Got Caught. “There But For The Grace of God, Go I” Continue reading

A Slightly Expanded  Re-Boot: Please Read The Atheist Part: “Jury Duty, Texas Style” Or, If You Will, “Twelve Angry Men–And Women.”

A Slightly Expanded Re-Boot: Please Read The Atheist Part: “Jury Duty, Texas Style” Or, If You Will, “Twelve Angry Men–And Women.”

On the appointed day I dutifully showed up at the Hunt County Courthouse (in a borrowed car) along with about one hundred twenty thusly cursed potential selectees. Continue reading

I So Very Mother Fu*king Much Miss My Sister. This is a Work of FICTION! Because I Do Not Know if There is a Statute of Limitations on Arson. Not One Word Is Truth, Ruth.

I So Very Mother Fu*king Much Miss My Sister. This is a Work of FICTION! Because I Do Not Know if There is a Statute of Limitations on Arson. Not One Word Is Truth, Ruth.

Back in the mid – Seventies, Madelyn worked at a joint in Bonham, Texas: ‘Richard’s Jeans’. Continue reading

Ex-Panda-X-PandeRRR-Re-Red, Re-Tread: — Please Re-Visit. “Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Four– Stupid is as Stupid Does.” I Risked My Freedom For My Love of My Sister. Yep, But It Was Worth It.

Ex-Panda-X-PandeRRR-Re-Red, Re-Tread: — Please Re-Visit. “Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Four– Stupid is as Stupid Does.” I Risked My Freedom For My Love of My Sister. Yep, But It Was Worth It.

THIS IS FICTION!
Wanna Buy A Bridge?
I Have one for sale
Cheap
A Bargain at any price
HAHAHAHAHA!

Continue reading

Bonus On-This-“Mouse-House” I Forgot To Drop In The Navy Hymn. I Am Such A Moron!—Fixed Now. Time For Chow! On Today’s Menu: ‘Hydraulic Sandwiches’

Bonus On-This-“Mouse-House” I Forgot To Drop In The Navy Hymn. I Am Such A Moron!—Fixed Now. Time For Chow! On Today’s Menu: ‘Hydraulic Sandwiches’

I feel so honored to have been allowed to serve on two ships in two war zones and given the opportunity to attend SEAL training, even though I did not measure up, at least I showed up.

Twice Continue reading

Upon First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well. And Someone, Anyone, Please Remind Me To Write About The Navy ‘Saturday Scholars’ Program, For Which I Had Volunteered–I Thank You In Advance

Upon First Meeting Michelle—Did Not Go So Well. And Someone, Anyone, Please Remind Me To Write About The Navy ‘Saturday Scholars’ Program, For Which I Had Volunteered–I Thank You In Advance

I LFell Head-Over-Heels For Her!
Alas, She Did NOT Fall For Me
But I Kept Tryin’ To ‘Win’ Her
Failed Miserably…
Continue reading

“Escape From Memphis—Chapter Three—Shawn & My Insanity.” And Yet One Mo’ Time… WordDepress’d Has Dun Piss’d Me Righteously The Fuk OFF! Takes No Less Than 3 ‘Edits’ Just To Make One ‘Stick!’

“Escape From Memphis—Chapter Three—Shawn & My Insanity.” And Yet One Mo’ Time… WordDepress’d Has Dun Piss’d Me Righteously The Fuk OFF! Takes No Less Than 3 ‘Edits’ Just To Make One ‘Stick!’

So they put me on a stretcher and schlepped me out of the Hotel Magnuson. Continue reading

Hamas, Gaza, IDF, Israel, Intifada, and U.S. (us) And why Should We Care? HINT: We Should. It’s Actually Very Important–To Me At Least.

Hamas, Gaza, IDF, Israel, Intifada, and U.S. (us) And why Should We Care? HINT: We Should. It’s Actually Very Important–To Me At Least.

Some of you may know of my history in the Mideast.  Most of you may not.  Some of you may know I get emotional about issues. Continue reading

Yes! Yes! Yes! I Know! I Only Very Recently Posted This, But I Am Sorely Missing The Wonderful Times I Spent In The Middle East. “How old are you?”  – “Three wars, and still growing.”

Yes! Yes! Yes! I Know! I Only Very Recently Posted This, But I Am Sorely Missing The Wonderful Times I Spent In The Middle East. “How old are you?” – “Three wars, and still growing.”

Yes!
I Fell In-Love With Her At First Sight/Read!
Someday,
Inshallah, I hope to be this Brave.
J’espere Continue reading