Reeee-Re–Gurgitated Bull-Shite (But Hopefully Entertaing) A Conversation from Mosul about a Forklift

My mechanic (Of Parsons Mechanic fame) came by to have some ‘chat’ with me:


The most Interesting
Mechanic in the World

“Way’ll… I have a natch’ral disaster on my hands.”

“Ok Bob,” I said, “I’m ‘bout to bust with anticipation.”

“Yep. A natch’ral disaster.”

“You mentioned that already.”

“A real-life natch’ral calamity.”

“Do I have time to go to chow while you go through your preamble?”

Ignoring me, he continued, “That Six Kay (‘6K’ as in six thousand pound lifting capacity) forklift is all a-pieces. hamorr’agin’ parts all over th’ place. The Boys (Filipino mechanics times two) tol’ me it was the fuel injector pump. So, I kin’ly smiled and said ‘Okaaay…,’ and let ‘em go at it. They need ta learn how ta fix thangs without me onct in ah’while. Well,  they dun got tha’ forklift tore all ta pieces.  Now, I dun give ‘em all mornin’ to dick ‘round with it, an’ I’m gonna give ‘em all this aftr’noon to dick ‘round with it some more. Then first thing tomorra, I’m gonna ask ‘em, ‘Boys, how come that forklift ain’t a-workin’ this fine morning?’”

“Your ‘personnel management style’ is showing Bob,” I said.

“Yeah, whatever… An’ tomorra’s Thursday. An’ day after that’s Friday. An’ I ain’t doin’ nothin’ on Friday. Tomorra, we gonna start our dee-cent inta th’ day off.”

“Kinda start slowin’ ‘er down ‘round mid-noon time, eh?” I said. (I can do ‘Southern’ just as slick as you please when I want to.)

“X-actly. We start double-clutchin’ and dee-celeratin’ an’ bring her in nice and slow like.”

“And what about my forklift?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“She’s all ‘In’shalah’d’ out Boss.”

“Dead in the water?”

“Tits up.”

“Broke dick?”

“Send her saddle home.”

“I need to call Baghdad?”

“She ain’t lookin’ none too fav’erble.”

“Call HQ an’ tell ‘em we need another forklift?”

“Now, jes hol’ on. Doan git ’em all wadded jes yet.”

“Ok. I got it. Thanks.”

“We’re Parsons’ Mechanics an’ jes watch how we roll,” he said on his way out the door.

I love my job.

I have a “Ten Kay” forklift that still works. So I should be alright for now. Besides, Bob just  loves the drama and we do this little dance everytime there is a crisis in the motor pool. If I were a betting man (And actually I am) I’d wager two of my pay checks that come Friday if that 6K forklift is still down, he’ll be out there bright and early with his boys working on it until it is repaired even if it means giving up his day off. I’ve seen him do that already too many times over the past year and a half he has worked for me. There is no man made of better stuff. An’ he sure do entertain. Yessir, he certainly does. And I’d never have been able to keep the operation afloat without him.

I love all my crew and wouldn’t trade a single one of them for a pile of cash money or a case of Johnny Walker Black with the authorization to drink it.

16 thoughts on “Reeee-Re–Gurgitated Bull-Shite (But Hopefully Entertaing) A Conversation from Mosul about a Forklift

  1. Thank you for the kind words. I am very glad you liked this post. Bob was my best friend in Iraq and he is quite an interesting character. Many thanks for reading.

  2. I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Your conversation was priceless.
    The part where you compared the forklift…

    “And what about my forklift?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

    ““She’s all ‘In’shalah’d’ out Boss.”

    “Dead in the water?”

    “Tits up.”

    “Broke dick?”

    “Send her saddle home.””

    Thanks for the interesting read.

  3. your titles are built into most of the time, your first phrase. or certainly in your first paragraph.
    If you would honor me with allowing my help, I would make some suggestions, although I am new at this business.
    One a similar note: would you be interested in ‘Guest Blogging’ on my site? It has not too many followers, but I would be so happy for you to throw up some of your writing there, as we both, in our way, write about some of the same things.
    Let me know…

  4. Dear Lady, I have not.
    But you know I will (wait! maybe I did) I get confused (this is true) about the way you list your posts. Numbers don’t move me. Perhaps consider…Titles? I am easily confused, and numbers tend to turn people off. Americans, anyway. Just a suggestion.

  5. That is very kind of you. Here is some truth: I have learned a lot about being descriptive (with moods and character descriptions) from reading your writing.

  6. Well, your style is pretty amusing. I enjoy the stories a lot and the people come to life in your writing. I really feel like I’ve been in the tent where the guys keep bringing food and get mice and worry about snakes. And I want to tell the other guys who shop in the red zone, “it’s not worth it!” Pay the extra and keep more limbs.

  7. Thank you. I do know that our writing styles and subjects are worlds apart, but I know we both appreciate the both.

    Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Means a lot.

  8. Hi Anna,
    I am ashamed to say a great deal of my Texan accent has atrophied. I used to have quite the ‘twang.’ I love Texan accents and deep South as well. Thank you much for reading and commenting. I am happy to hear you enjoyed the post.

  9. I agree he sounds like Mountain Man. I enjoyed reading your post. I have a very southern accent (not MM!), so have you lost your accent due to world travels, or do you change speech patterns? I’m curious now. 🙂

  10. That is an excellent observation! I didn’t think of it, but now that I do, I’d have to say you’re pretty spot on. Bob is quite a character to be sure. Thank you so much for that great comment. And thanks again Mad Annie for visiting.

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