Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!! 

On Donald Trump! (Kids, this is the audio you need to listen to. Yes, the names have been changed to protect the guilty) Click the little arrow and follow the Orange Hair Road to Perdition.

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Hey Joe!

Hey Joe!

Where ya goin’ with that gun in your hand?

Hey Joe!

Is it just me, but have we swerved into a New McCarthyism?

OK, let’s take a look:

  1. Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling is an idiot, and for all intents and purposes, a racist. I am pretty sure we can all agree on that.
  2. Adam Silver detailed Sterling’s punishment of a lifetime ban and $2.5 million fine — the “maximum amount” allowed per league guidelines
  3. I say ‘Bravo’! But we are talking about a man worth probably TWO BILLION. Does he care? Not one whit, in my humble opinion. He can afford to be a racist in America today.
  4. What about the careers ruined in the Nineteen Fifties by McCarthy, Nixon, and HUAC? These were working people. Actors? yes. Movie Directors? Yes. Writers? Yes. Famous people? Some, but most were… just actors, writers, directors and certainly not Billionaires.

Even today, people lose their jobs over an oft-hand racist remark. Is this justice? Does the punishment fit the crime? In some extreme cases, if chronic, yes it does.  But for a one-time remark, should they be ostracized? Should they be forced to wear the Scarlett ‘R”?

Nope.

Fuck nope.

Okay, for my purposes, this is enough.

When did we slip back into McCarthyism?

As far as I can glean, this was a personal phone call from an idiot to a… as CNN says, “Girlfriend and Mistress.”

Ok, the man is married. And he has a BFF who happens to be female.

Why should we care?

If one can point the ‘Racist’, the ‘Scarlett’, the ‘Communist’ finger at someone, thus dragging them through the muck, and down in to perdition, on an accusation, then what?

What, and who is next?

People who kick rats?

Or speak ill of rats?

In the privacy of their own homes (personal phone calls)

Fuck with rats?

Or even fuck rats?

Who-the-fuck-cares?

How did we get here?

This is political correctness run amok.

Jefferson would weep, and so would Thomas Paine.

There will never be another Jimi Hendrix

(and that, that, is a Goddamn Shame)

 

Daily Lenny: How to Relax Your Colored Friends

In Light of the Recent News of That Asshole Basketball Schmuck Owner…(allegedly)

I bring you Today’s Lenny:

“How to Relax Colored Folks”

(at a party)

Lenny-MLK-JFK

Thank You For Visiting My Blog.

Comments always welcomed

–Lance (Proprietor,  and Tinker, Tailor, Sailor, Spy)

Aw Shit! 

I forgot!

Lenny makes reference to Paul Robeson

Here he is! Just for fun! What a talent he was!

 

 

The Raven

The Greatest Texan 

Sam Houston

Who was a Tennessean (Virginian by birth) through no fault of his own

“The secession leaders tell us if war comes that the superior courage of our people with their experience of the use of firearms will enable us to triumph in battle over ten times our number of Northern forces. Never was a more false or absurd statement ever made by designing demagogues. I declare that Civil War is inevitable and near at hand.

Raven

The Raven

When it comes the descendants of the heroes of Lexington and Bunker Hill will be found equal in patriotism, courage, and heroic endurance with the descendents of Cowpens and Yorktown … When the tug of war comes, it will be Greek meeting Greek. Then, oh my fellow countrymen, the fearful conflict will fill our fair land with untold suffering, misfortune, and disaster.”
— Sam Houston with some prescient words on the eve of the Civil War in February, 1861

 

https://www.facebook.com/TracesofTexas?fref=nf

 

Who?

Who Will?

Who Will?

Who Will Get It?

“Not me! No not me! Not never; never certainly. Certainly not. Not me!”

“But… I must.”

So says one honorable…

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The Basra Bugman Revisited.

I am re-posting this because I am still working on the Continuation of the ‘Sinai Field Mission Chronicles‘.

(Great Excuse, eh?) Anyway, some of you ‘newbies’ may not have had the wonderful ‘opportunity’ to have swerved into it. Therefore it is with great humility that I present it once again for your perusal.

**************

Bugs were a huge problem for us in Basra.

There were big bugs, small bugs, flying bugs, crawling bugs, creeping bugs, creepy bugs, sleepy bugs, scary bugs, poisonous bugs,  biting bugs, fighting bugs, suicide bomber bugs, and worst of all: No-See’um bugs. (Please don’t get me wrong: I love bugs:  Queendom  and Spiders)

But every day at precisely 1600hrs:

BUGMAN!

Basrah Bug Man
The BUGMAN Commeth: Bugs, watch yer ass.

We all worked in trailers, which passed for ‘Offices’ in Basra and we had A/C Window Units which would suck in the Bugman’s Offerings with vengeance. So everyday, at around 1600hrs, we kept collective ears tuned for the sound of Bugman and his Blower, lest we fail to turn off the A/C’s and become victim to BUGMAN.

The parlance always went like this: The one with the best hearing would announce in a low nonchalant voice:

‘The Bugman.” (almost a whisper, but we were all tuned in to those two words–we certainly did not want to be premature, because of the oppressive heat)

Then scramble to shut down all the A/C units ahead of relentless Bugman (no less than twelve window units), and life would go on, while we sat sweating (Yes, the heat was brutal, but so were the bugs).

“Here I come to savvve the day!!!”

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Daily Lenny (belated): “Psychopathia Sexualis”

Lundi Lenny

bruce

 

Seems apropos for Texan Tales & HGlph: The Reference to ‘Dallas’… Y’all.

Or, because of the ‘Beat Poet’ aspect.

 

You decide which is the more relevant.

Comments?

Here ya go:

 

 

Thanks Again for Visiting & Listening.

Cheers,

Lance

More Lenny to be discovered here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

“Now Run Tell That!” –Peanut, semi-famous person.

(Here is the ‘Peanut’ link if ya wanna find the quote.)

My girlfriend is a poker-player. A real good poker-player.

She reads ‘tells’ like I read comic books, i.e. real good.

I am NOT real good at poker. (Craps, Blackjack? Yeah. I shine there)

Anyway…

Here is a transcribed recent conversation, recently transcribed:

“Lance, you’ve been drinking.”

“No I haven’t”

“Yes you have.”

“How can you tell?”

“Because of your tells.”

“My what?”

“Your ‘tells’.”

“Oh you mean William?”

“No! I mean your ‘tells’.”

“Huh?”

“You telegraph your state.”

“Texas?”

“No. Idiot. You telegraph.”

“I don’t speak Morse Code.”

*exasperated looks*

“Lance, I can ‘tell’ when you’ve been drinking from your ‘tells’”

“Tell me my ‘tells’ so that I may amend them.”

“No fucking way I am telling you your ‘tells’”

“Ah! Why not?”

“You just don’t get it do ya?”

“Do tell…”

“Fuck you!”

“Okay.”

P.S. The dog can ‘tell’ too. But he just don’t give-a-shit.

“Bring me a fuckin’ soup bone.”

 

I threw this video in just because I love it.

(Adds absolutely nothing germane to the story)

“Ahso Meta-Mook!”

Is this a word? ‘Meta-Mook’?

(I guess that line forms on the right.)

This Hurts

“Contremporary”

Teela Hart

I’ve been free from domestic violence for sixteen months and these words continue to elicit an undeniable visceral response upon hearing them.  The regurgitation of such verbiage is in fact a tool used by all abusers to keep their victims in a perpetual state of confusion and fear.

Reading the stories of so many victims/survivors of domestic violence and finding that they all resonate with me in so many ways is disturbing.  More importantly though, they loose me from the ties that bind as the script that somehow landed in every abuser’s hands is just that, a script, devoid of any real meaning.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, please visit http://www.nomore.org for a list of domestic violence centers specific to your location. You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at http://www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you feel you are in…

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Daily Lenny: White Collar Drunks

Hey Kids!

Here is your Daily Lenny

“Liberals can understand everything but people who don’t understand them.”

― Lenny Bruce

Thank You for Listening.

Comments? Line forms to the Right

The coolest man around (Town)

All are welcomed and all will be responded to…

“Lance! Never end a sentence with a preposition!”

“Why not?”

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Throw Back Thursday: Turtle Blues

I Got Dem Ol’ Time Turtle Blues Again Mama! (Sorry Janis)

greenturtle3.jpg

Yet another bit gleaned from my longer post of 29 Jan. ‘The Time Has Come,’ The Walrus Said, ‘To Talk of Many Things: Of Murdered Birds, Of Turtles Green, and Hippies Sellin’ Rings.’

Video Credit:

https://www.youtube.com/user/pridden76

“I know this goddamn life too well”

****************

My mother was probably “The Original Hippy Chick.” When Haight-Asbury was in full bloom, she would not shut up about it until we went there. I knew a little of the Hippy Culture then, yet had no desire to experience it ‘up close an’ personal.’ Mom did.  So one bright sunny Saturday morning we packed up the Rambler and headed to ‘Frisco and Haight-Ashbury.

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Because I am a Girl

“Awareness is caring for us!”
Do you care?
“Yes!”
Says you.

Mean it?

On a personal note:

I have been to Africa. I have worked with many Africans during my time working in the Mid East. I have heard their stories. I have seen. I am not some bleeding heart Baptist from Po’Dunk (is that a place?). I have traveled some. I do not often re-blog, but when something moves me, well, y’all just know I am full of opinion… Sorry the second vid got skewered, but you may visit the original page.

“I wanna go home with the armadillos)

The Mad Hatters

In comparison to boys and men, women (young and old) are disadvantaged, valued less, in most, if not all, societies

Plan (http://www.plan-uk.org/) is one charity that tries to change that

View original post

My Mother The Car

Sometime shortly after I mustered out of the U.S. Navy…
I found me suddenly in need of a car, a vehicle, a mode of transport, fuckin’ wheels.
Never really havin’ given two shits ‘bout such, I found myself in front of a pawn shop in Honey Grove Texas early one morning. Too early, in fact.

But, I skip ahead (as is my wont)

Let us go back in time (just a few hours; be patient)
I had fallen ‘in love’ with a woman (It happens)
Got drunk one late night; decided I needed counsel (from Peanut—My Yoda—problem was, I was in Commerce, Texas and Yoda was in Honey Grove, miles and miles and styles away)
What to do?
Drive to see him on Endor.
Jumped into my chariot and almost made it.
Alas! A bar ditch jumped up in front of me.
The car did not survive.
Happily, I did, but now I had a real problem:
Yoda was still miles away.
Walked the two miles to HG and spied a vehicle “For Sale”
Walked in to the pawn shop and inquired:
“Yall take credit cards?”
“No Son; we do not.”
“Damn shame,” I said. “’Cause I wanna buy that car y’all got for sale out yonder. Well see ya.”
“Wait! Wait! We can make an exception!”
“OK, gas her up and get her ready.”

And the rest, as they say, was History.

P.S. This post was inspired by a memory my good friend Mark, over at

http://markbialczak.com/

brought out in my mind. Thanks Mark. Peace On!

PPS: The ‘Car’ Had a half-life about as long as a bottle of Jim Beam in my house. 

Daily Lenny: Irish

Hey Y’all!

Today, I am in a happy place!

(Rare yeah, I know)

But seriously, Here is your Daily Lenny:

(Brief, but good and poignant)

Hope you enjoy.

 

And thanks for visiting my Blog.

Means much to me.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

The Greatest Story Ever Sold

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

Click at your own risk.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

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Sinai Field Mission. Or The Story of How Lance Lost His Mind and Later Found it Ferreted Away in His Pocket

This Post is a Continuation of a Promise I made to Me (And to Y’all, Gentle Readers) to write about Sinai Field Mission. For brevity’s sake (The Soul of Wit), I am breaking it down into snippets. To catch the back story, actually the forward story, please go here: No Bare Feet Beyond This Point.

And Here: TA

And Also Here: My Mine Field

Continue reading

Daily Lenny: Fat Boy

Here is the Monday Daily Lenny.

Please Enjoy Fat Boy:

Satire at the Expense of Used Car Salesmen

(Among Other Things Just as Unimportant)

Read More About it here: Rocket To Stardom  (Kind of necessary to get the humor: it’s brief, but important)

“a Stone Age talent-search television program that pre-dated “American Idol” by half a century. It might also be described as a pre-Pleistocene “Gong Show” — though it lacked the gong and snarky host, Chuck Barris.”

–Jim Carnett

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

As Always, 

Thanks For SHopping By.

 

Daily Lenny: Guest Speaker Sarah Silverman

Lenny sends his regrets, but he had a conflict and couldn’t make it.

Happily, Sarah was available and graciously agreed to stand in.

Anyway, Here is your ‘Daily Lenny’, with the lovely and irreverently wonderful Sarah Silverman.

May be offensive to some, so watch at your own annoyance.

https://www.youtube.com/user/JashNetwork

 

Thank you for your visit, and comments are encouraged, welcomed, and desired.

 

“I fake it so real… I am beyond fake.”

How many of us cast out false perceptions to the web?

To get  willfully caught in the net and hauled on board–to the unsuspecting good-hearted Greek Fisherman?

You know: old photos, no date, no skinny clothes, make up, tanning lotion?

Personally yep. Mea culpa. Yep. I am culpable.

Of just that. (Ok, probably sans makeup)

And only that.

But… how many go further?

"Let me poison your ear, Othello."

“Let me poison your ear, Othello.”

Too much further?

How many actually deceive?

How many try to capitalize?

How many actually hurt people with lies, deception?

No one reading these words here tonight, right?

I do hope not.

Just pause though, and think on it.

That is all I ask.

And yes, this is me: LANCE MARCOM (Lance Marcom.com) asking.

Falstaff

And No! I don’t look like Falstaff At least not yet.

I am real.

Are you?

 

 

 

 

 

Do you fake it so real you go beyond fake?

*BREAKING BAD NEWS!*

Exclusively Here on TT & Hiero-Glyph!

That means you won’t hear it anywhere else! (Because we made it up)

The Results are finally in from yesterday’s, recent,  last week’s election!

Okay was not last week; just seems that way.

Here are the tallies:

Jim Morrison: 20, 000

He is an Accident Going Somewhere to Happen: 20, 001

Walk of Shame: 20,010

The Kind and Good and the Ugly Moral Folks: 20,005

Puddles in My Beer: 0

Now, after some contentiousness, and some hanging chaffs, and some fourteen pissed off, and some sixteen or so pissed on, and some countless bored, and some dead armadillos, and some more hanging chaff, it was decided that the vote went unanimously to:

PUDDLES IN MY BEER!!

(And the crowd went nuts)

“But, but, but, how is that unanimous?” One pollster inquired.

“Because Son,” The State said, “Because theirs was the only un-contested, not so much molested, unambiguous result.”

“Oh.”

Now before we exposé the PUDDLES IN MY BEER platform (gangplank), we must survive the Inauguration Ball.

And here to help us along with that, May I present to Y’all, our most ardent (and redundant) supporters!

Willie And The William’s Boys!

Take it away Boys!

Thanks to Willie an’ Them For that Rather Upbeat Rendition of …what was it again? *taps Willie on the shoulder* “Uh Willie, ya fucked the lyric: it is “Puddles In My Beer”; not ‘bubbles’, get it right fer fuck sake… Goin’ to Austin…I mean DC. Aw shit. Never mind! Just get the damn song right, OK?”

And Thank You Both Hanks for that rather unifying ditty in honor of the forgotten, vanquished.

But now, to prove we are not all that…uh… sanctimonious.

We give some equal / air time to the losers, er, Honorable Opposition:

Take it away Jimmy!

But don’t take it too far or  too long. We are watching you. Loser!

“Uh… Thank you…uh what was your name again? Oh yeah, Jimmy.

Well, Hey! Let’s give a big round of applause for…uh Jimmy and his comedy!”

“Thank you Johnny!”

 

Tomorrow (Or Next Beer) we will tell you the plan forward.

Hang tight in the meantime.

We love our Country!

(don’t we?)

Didn’t we?

orig flag

 

Call-Ment Me

Good Morning and Good Friday

Now I realize hearing rock music this early in the morning is probably not everyone’s cup of tea/joe/gin/sloe gin/slow joe, or other.

However, I do have a small request and I have bastardized  appropriated  stolen this song to illustrate it.

Graphically and Acoustically.

I love all y’all’s comments. (But damnit! they ain’t enuff of ’em)

So… listen to the song (it will wake you up, not necessarily in a good way, but wake you it will. (Little ‘Yoda’ comin’ there at’cha) And please be sure to crank up the volume to get the ‘full benefit’.

And take a sec to comment (good or bad) on my stuff. Well, the stuff you choose to read anyhow, as feedback is the song of my soul. And it is good and it is good for you. That is, if you come here for ‘value’ anyway.

Yes: Take some time; drop a dime; make a rhyme; throw in a lime; give me some time (Friends! Romans! Texans! and ‘others’; Lend me your beers.)

Okay: That made absolutely no sense what-so-ever, but feel me?

Happy Good Friday to all my good friends

 

Comment Me!

Any… Anytime

 

Throwback Thursday: Please Don’t Shit in my Showers

Dispatches From Afghanistan: Mouses, Goats, and Snakes Oh My!

The Jordanians are coming: Specifically the JAF. (Jordanian Armed Forces) They will be living here in my LSA 2. Wonderful. Each of my tents have a capacity of 120 U.S. Marines. They ain’t comphy, but they cozy and U.S. Marines do not complain. They are Marines. The JAF contingent will top off at one hundred. They have been promised three of my tents. The math doesn’t work for me. I need every tent I have (twenty-four) to serve the Marines who transit through Dwyer on their way to the war.

After some lobbying (and predictions of pissed off Marines who won’t have a tent to sleep in), I got the JAF allocation down to two tents. Why after all these years the Jordanian government has decided to send troops to southern Afghanistan, I am not sure. But I have a theory:  U.S. Department of State. Yep. Not military necessity. Not a request from the coalition of governments already represented here. Not the U.S. Military. Nope. Politics.

I have nothing against Jordan or the Jordanian people. In fact, I love them. I lived and worked in Amman Jordan for six months back in ‘07 while working to close out the paperwork on the USAID Rural Water Project we had completed in Iraq. (Bechtel, the prime contractor, had decided there was no point to continually put our lives at risk in Iraq doing paperwork we could just as easily finish in their Jordan offices).

I had a meeting with the Mayor’s Cell here on Dwyer. (The ‘Mayor’s Cell’ is the term used for the administrative branch of the Marines who actually own Camp Dwyer.) All decisions of the Mayor are final. Except, I found out, when it comes to the JAF and their accommodations.  Apprehensive over the impending arrival of the Jordanians, I asked the Mayor, “Does the Mayor’s Cell have any special directive for treatment of the JAF?”

wpid-IMG_0685-2011-06-26-11-39

“Not at all Son. Treat ‘em like Marines.”

“Yessir!” (This was the response I had been hoping for)

With the help of the Labor Department and a few of my staff, I readied the two tents for the Jordanians. We were told to expect roughly one hundred men, so we set up fifty-five military cots in each tent. These tents in LSA 2 are best described as ‘Spartan.’ There are four ‘doors’ which are simply canvas flaps about four feet wide. When the wind is up the flaps flap open allowing Afghanistan to blow inside. The occupants are not allowed to tie the flaps shut, as this creates a safety hazard in the event of a fire—no quick egress. Each of the tents has two HVAC units. They are inadequate for the weather extremes here. The tents are in disrepair. They leak, they sag, they have mold. I cannot get approval from the Mayor’s Cell through DynCorp to provide anything more than patchy maintenance. “A lick and a promise.” That’s all. They tell me, “No more funding is available for LSA 2. Deal with it.”

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Ever Have One-of-Those-Days?

I am  speaking to those writers out there.

Hmmmmm

That is not a propitious beginning for this post.

Well, allow me to retort:

One of those days when you have so much shit colliding in your head, atom-like, trying to reach escape velocity?

This is my day.

I have (check ’em) all these wanna-be posts colliding:

1. He is an accident going somewhere to happen (just about a recent trip to Kroger’s)

2. Puddles in my beer (don’t ask)

3. Jim Morrison (Seriously do not ask)

4. Walk of Shame (again… don’t go there)

5. The kind and good and great and moral folks I live about here in East Memph (ask about this one) I love it.

Your votes will be tallied.

Now get on with it.

(sorry I could not make it easy; caint do the ‘poll thang’ you will just be forced to ‘comment’.)

But Hey! how hard is that?

 

 

Hey! I’m Writing Here!

Hey! I’m writing here!

(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? That’s Okay, Right? Isn’t it?)

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattfosternow

It is easy

“Now Go fuck off and leave me alone. And while you are leavin’ me alone, make me some more coffee.”

“Please.”

“and thanks for the pepperoni.”

(Sorry.. vague Lenny Bruce reference)

I actually said this aloud to my much maligned invisible muse. Bless her heart.

The dog walked over to me an inquired, “Hey! Rance!” (he cannot pronounce my name. He is a dog after all) “Rance,” he said. “You OK Bubba?”

(Overheard by some fly on some wall in some other multi-verse.)

Probably it was just the wind.

***

‘Tax Day’ (they say) Means nada to me: means  Bupkis! (great Yiddish word: use it in a sentence today and then it is yours for all of maternity)

Why? “‘Cause I had no income last year. That’s why!”

Oy vey! Yep! Good thing ‘bout that there: No taxes.

Moving on to today’s post…

(Oh yeah: first order of business: “The Daily Lenny”)

Well, You May Find it here, whisked into a long post about a mechanic. Yes. You will have to work to find it. So Sorry.

Let us paws for a second.

(Goddamnit Lance! Enuff with the fucking puns!)

Take a breath.

“This is swerving dangerously close to being another rant.”

*sigh*

“Yes. I know.”

*Moving on…*

Now Where was I?

Oh Yeah!

Taxes!

Not really.

CNN?

Nope (but their ‘Breaking News’ is ‘bout to break my spirit and my capacity to love anyone)

Serious for one second. I weep for those family who lost family on That Plane.

*Whew! Now we got that sentiment out of the way…*

Still trying to Move On Dot Org…

(Just kidding—I do not even know where that is)

More Breaking Fucking News!

Some idiot on CNN just said, “Let us be Frank.” (and Tom, Dick, and Harry)

(not sure in reference to what—generally—I only half-listen, but that one caught some vacant, unused part of my ear)

*Still trying to move on and find a purpose for this purposeless post*

Y’all know what?

This is gonna be an “all-day” project.

There is just too much shit running about in my head.

I will get back you.

As they say:

To be continued…

Missing The Most Interesting Man In Iraq

Bob (The Most Interesting Man in Iraq) is my life-long frin…

I miss his dumb ass (and ‘dumb-ass’ is a term of endearment where I come from)

If one is lucky, really lucky, one meets maybe one, two, or  three or four people in life that transcend funny.

Bob is one such ‘transcendent’ lucky for me.

He saved my fragile sanity.

**************

My mechanic (Of Parsons Mechanic fame) came by to have some ‘chat’ with me:

Bob

The most Interesting
Mechanic in the World

“Way’ll… I have a natch’ral disaster on my hands.”

“Ok Bob,” I said, “I’m ‘bout to bust with anticipation.”

“Yep. A natch’ral disaster.”

“You mentioned that already.”

“A real-life natch’ral calamity.”

“Do I have time to go to chow while you go through your preamble?”

Ignoring me, he continued, “That Six Kay (‘6K’ as in six thousand pound lifting capacity) forklift is all a-pieces. hamorr’agin’ parts all over th’ place. The Boys (Filipino mechanics times two) tol’ me it was the fuel injector pump. So, I kin’ly smiled and said ‘Okaaay…,’ and let ‘em go at it. They need ta learn how ta fix thangs without me onct in ah’while. Well,  they dun got tha’ forklift tore all ta pieces.  Now, I dun give ‘em all mornin’ to dick ‘round with it, an’ I’m gonna give ‘em all this aftr’noon to dick ‘round with it some more. Then first thing tomorra, I’m gonna ask ‘em, ‘Boys, how come that forklift ain’t a-workin’ this fine morning?’”

“I’m hip Let’s keep it real.”

“Your ‘personnel management style’ is showing Bob,” I said.

“Yeah, whatever… An’ tomorra’s Thursday. An’ day after that’s Friday. An’ I ain’t doin’ nothin’ on Friday. Tomorra, we gonna start our dee-cent inta th’ day off.”

“Kinda start slowin’ ‘er down ‘round mid-noon time, eh?” I said. (I can do ‘Southern’ just as slick as you please when I want to.)

“X-actly. We start double-clutchin’ and dee-celeratin’ an’ bring her in nice and slow like.”

“And what about my forklift?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“She’s all ‘In’shalah’d’ out Boss.”

“Dead in the water?”

“Tits up.”

“Broke dick?”

“Send her saddle home.”

“I need to call Baghdad?”

“She ain’t lookin’ none too fav’erble.”

“Call HQ an’ tell ‘em we need another forklift?”

“Now, jes hol’ on. Doan git ’em all wadded jes yet.”

“Ok. I got it. Thanks.”

“We’re Parsons’ Mechanics an’ jes watch how we roll,” he said on his way out the door.

I love my job.

I have a “Ten Kay” forklift that still works. So I should be alright for now. Besides, Bob just  loves the drama and we do this little dance everytime there is a crisis in the motor pool. If I were a betting man (And actually I am) I’d wager two of my pay checks that come Friday if that 6K forklift is still down, he’ll be out there bright and early with his boys working on it until it is repaired even if it means giving up his day off. I’ve seen him do that already too many times over the past year and a half he has worked for me. There is no man made of better stuff. An’ he sure do entertain. Yessir, he certainly does. And I’d never have been able to keep the operation afloat without him.

I love all my crew and wouldn’t trade a single one of them for a pile of cash money or a case of Johnny Walker Black with the authorization to drink it.

This song is dedicated to Bob, wherever he may be:

OK: Ed. Note:

Y’all gotta love how ‘Texan’ this vid is—look at the ‘ensign‘-Texan Flags-behind the sage, er…stage.

(and if you look really close–for you guitar players out there–you will notice the hole in the guitar. Willie tells some stories ’bout the gee-tar. He tells one about a drunken party with Leon Russell in a hotel room, when Leon almost broke it. Willie, in classic form, invited Leon to stop touching that guitar.)

When I am coherent, I may write about that.

And then there is this:

Willie sang, “At the airport in Milwaukee…”

Lenny

Lima

on that: Milwaukeeeee!

 

Fairness of The Fairway

With permission I submit this wonderful post.
Thank you RD.

(Please visit the original to get the full benefit with the photos)

Here is a sample

golf-experiences-1

The Mind of RD REVILO

  • The Doctor CameIn
  • She couldn’t have a child of her own
  • In the cells of Hell
  • The heights of Heaven
  • The Saints could hear her mournful groan
  • Then came a divine option
  • Her Sister-in-Law had a child for adoption
  • She met him, her heart rang with glee
  • Especially when she heard that word, Mommy
  • Inseparable became those two
  • Tighter than a vice, thicker than goo
  • They traveled the world and learned things
  • They never knew
  • She would smile and smile
  • Poor tortured soul, his Motherwould call
  • Reminding her, he wasn’t her child at all
  • Yet, she couldn’t believe or even imagine the fun
  • Than being called mommy and acting like one
  • She disciplined him
  • Couldn’t have him growing wild like them
  • Her son would be the best
  • Not wife, but being mommy made her happiest
  • Then came a lightening bolt
  • Burning without smoke
  • The ash so thick it choked
  • The…

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This is Just Too Good: Henry V

Not my painful, plainful verbiage,

but …

Derek

What a modern science actor!

(And a really swell guy)

“Lance, there you go again…”

“Sorry! On with the show!”

“Oh for a muse…of fire!”

****************

I love Shakespeare. I love words. I love the simple fact that the only good advice my father once gave to me were the words out of his mouth: “Son, words have meaning and their coinage, well spend them well…”

Now… I am not that too heady. In fact, I am simple. Yet I do still love the coinage of a good phrase. Indeed I do.

Therefore, I leave you this. As all good Bloggers do, I desire a Stage! My Kingdom for a Stage!

Read… and… well…stay tuned.

And Kenneth Branagh At his Best

(Uh Oh! King Harry is pissed off!)

And Even Better

(and here, find the subtle wrath: you don’t wanna be these guys)

And Even More Better: “Once More Unto The Breach!”

And You Gotta Love This Guy: “In Thunder and in Earthquake”

 In my opinion this is Branagh’s finest movie

Henry The Fifth

 

Daily Lenny: Who’s a Fag?

Okay for all my Atheist Friends Out There….

JUST KIDDING!

OK: Take Two…

For ALL My Friends out there in radio land, (most especially this one. May he rest in peace…and beer…and whiskey…and dope…and Lynyrd Skynyrd) here is your daily Lenny entitled ‘Who’s a Fag?”

Say Fuck The Government

And I do sincerely appreciate all visits to my site, no matter what or who you are. Martians are especially welcomed.

More Lenny Below:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Point / Counter Point

(Because Debate is God. Oops! I mean ‘Good’)

“Never ever lose your sense of humor.”

–James Belushi in the Movie, “About Last Night.”

Argument:

(Wow! Neil looks really pissed off in this. Kinda like the Geico Caveman dude)

Rebuttal:

Caint We All Just Get the Fuck Along?

Caint We All Just

Get the Fuck Along?

“Must be a case of ‘The Mondays‘.”

Happy Monday Y’all. (ALL Y’all)

 

Spring Clinging

My Blog is no longer an aversion

Nor a version

of a virgin

Therefore, since I am leaving soon

(Insha’Allah.. Joke: probably get killed for that one–Y’all know who I am here and on which side I fall upon–Atheist) I am not for lack of a term: ‘an Evangelical Atheist’. I do not care what you believe or don’t believe. My only further statement is atheists can be moral and good people, just like theists. We can also be immoral and bad people, just like theists. And we can be some kind of combination of the two; just like theists.

Hopefully, that above statement loses me not any of my followers (save one: my mother), But if so this is Karma (and no! I am not Buddhist nor Hindi either), then I will adopt the philosophy of a great ‘blogger-man’ I admire, respect, follow, and really despise:

http://aopinionatedman.com/ (ed note: May, 31st: I am no longer a fan of the Lemmings. i.e., I do not follow OM no mas, mainly because even I, cannot be that charitable) And that is all I am gonna say ’bout that. If you want some more piercing eloquence of the subject, I happily direct you to ‘The shitstorm that is my life: (she is brilliance in a bottle:

http://theshitshowthatismylife.com/

We differ, but we are kindred in our discourse of difference. Opinionated Man says this, and I quote:

“My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.”

Now. This is not in my manifesto, but I do find me subscribing to it more and more, day by day. Not sure why, but I do think OM has a valid point here: He writes for HIM.

This, I understand. And this is my new path. (Now all I need do is find some more followers… to hit the trail with me 😉 )

But Imagine:

Try to

Therefore in the spirit of cleaning up hard disk drive space, I have nominated this post (the one on the next page–The ‘Hitch-Slap’ will remain as long as I have electricity and an internet connection) for permanent removal. (though I Love it daily..er…dearly..especially the video clip”

Drum Roll Please!

I  heretofore nominate this post…

To be… In the Hunger Games!

As tribute.

What say you?!

Read it and kiss it’s ass goodbye!

Credit: Moki John

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU8vs5ndzUv3ku6N2lm-ywA

“I’m just a simple sailor Son…

Credit: Lance (But you knew that)

Continue reading

‘Shucks’ (not pejorative) Back Sunday: All The Fun, Twice The Price, Or Leaving…

Thought I’d throw this back out, before I delete it and since I ‘swerved onto it’ and it made me laugh

And… ya know… Rambling is my soul.

Laughter is the song of your Soul.

Hope you like it.

(be certain to watch the video of Sammy Davis and Dean and Frank and Johnny Carson: you will not be disappointed–classic Rat Trap, er…Pack.)

Cheers,

Lance

Shucks!

Continue reading

Schmuck (pejorative) Back Sunday

Hippy Kee Aye kii… Fuck Yeah!

Just for nostalgia

Bikers, Hippy’s and Dope!

And all for free!

Right here on your radical dial:

Texan Gone Wild!

Follow the yellow brick road!

Priceless

(while I search the old drafts whut need posting, or at least, composting)

I feel as if I am running out of time and headlong into this

Please Stand By

Please Stand By

 

Daily Lenny: Airlines (Live at Carnegie Hall)

HAIL Ceasar!

Here is your daily Lenny

)and it is esoteric(

In other words:

“You have to be smart–but who am I kidding?”

If you were not smart, you would not be here.

N’est-ce-pas?”

(Dat’s French)

Hope you likey:

 

Thanks for listening.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

The Man With The News-Paper Gig

I drove to the beer store this noon in anticipation that I could not enjoy watching The-Texan– Bagdad, Floridian????

Bubba

Win-The Master’s-Tournament today without supporting a proper buzz.

The street to the Beer Store is four-lane. The cross street is also four-lane.

At the Red Light (that is how we call traffic lights in Texas) there was an old man.

He had Sunday Papers scattered about over two of the four lanes at the intersection, selling them

newspapers

Don’t Buy The Papers! Don’t Read All About It!

(obviously).

Now, I ask you. What kind of character is that? Could I ever be that noble? Could I schlep all those papers out there, brave the traffic. Try to make a buck for my family?

I would not.

Could not.

But then, I am not a good man such as that.

Wish I were.

But I’m not.

I wanted to stop and buy one of his papers, but of course I was too fucking busy and had no time to stop.

A Cease and Desist Letter to the Easter Bunny

Happy Easter, Y’all.
Hop on over to Abby Has Issues!
You will laugh! I promise.

Abby Has Issues

Hello Hare,

Thank you for taking time out of your mall appearance today—I know it’s a big time of year for you—but this really can’t wait any longer.

easter-bunnypost

It has been brought to our collective attention as an overly politically correct society on a mission to banish all fun that your existence is causing some, shall we say, “issues” I would like to address.

First of all, let’s talk about this egg situation.

I realize it’s tradition for children to color and look for these Easter eggs — henceforth to be known as “Spring Spheres” or “Ornamental Orbs”— but unless we know that these are free range, organic eggs produced from chickens given nothing but a diet of gold-dusted non-GMO corn and poultry pedicures, I’m afraid this practice will have to be stopped. We simply can’t have that danger around.

While a great alternative might have been plastic eggs, there…

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It is (Still) Morning (Mourning?) in America!

“Oh shit!” ‘Sorry Ronnie Toopac… Nancy’Melania!

It is ‘SundayTuesday  Wednesday in Amerika!

“Let us watch ‘The Golf’ read my tweets!”

agusta

“Huge vivla la diff’ eh’?”

“Oh Me ah me! What ever do you mean?” (Said Nancy Melania)

“Ah shit Nancy! Melania! I mean it is morning in Amerka! Didn’t I say that?!”

“No, you are a Commie if you did!”

Nancy! Melania! I am soooo Sorry! I lost my place! Here was I, back in the Eighties! Working for law and land! Money, lust, and US!

I even enlisted! I served my Country! What did I get? Bupkis!” What did I get? Rich!

“Butt… We (Ronnie and I—don’t he look cute—riding that horsey? Honey?—Now…what were you saying? You middle class? Oh Yeah! Something  about entitlements?”)

“Uh! Ya know what? Nancy? Mel? Never mind. We got ours. And ya know what? We got that Commie Bastard!—That Gorbo-chov!  That Puttie… God Bless America!”

“But… where is the money?”

“for America?”

For us?

Where is our prosperity?

I thought we won the war?

Where? Where are the fruits?

They just evaporated.

Didn’t they?

“I made enuff money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast…”

–Jimmy Buffett

“Just say no,” “Make US Great”  was all she said, as she walked away.

(The conversation is ambiguous, waxes and wanes, for a reason: we are all to blame)

“You let ’em come home…” America.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

The US of US is the only place that stays open all night. For All. We sort em out, once they (manage) to get here.

The US of US is the only place that stays open all night. For All. We sort em out, once they (manage) to get here.

For All.

Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under’t

Lady Macbeth!

lady macbeth

Of all the Shakespeare Female Characters

Lady Macbeth is the most fascinating:

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOUSE OF CARDS

Modern Lady Macbeth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Claire Is brilliant!

Actually Not really.

I am partial to Viola,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Viola_(Twelfth_Night)

but that is a different post.

She just is.

Just kidding

 

 

 

 

“Please Stand By”

Now, I know what a few of you (you happy few) may be thinking:

“Lance has run out of material to honestly write about.” (Since I seem of late to be posting only video and Lenny bits with a few rants thrown in for balance.)

And I can certainly understand how you might come to that conclusion.
Please allow me to assure you: nothing could be further from the truth.
Without putting too fine a point on it, I am in a transition. (Personally, not Blog-wise—I remain true to my Charter and the ambitions that prompted me to launch this Blog—so don’t get worried.

And I did reserve the right to follow ‘much more as becomes my wont, )

There is a wealth of old and new and in-between stuff on deck. And trying not to get cliché, I may be forced to pull the plug soon, but only for a little while until I land back on my feet.
So…

If you log on to me one day and see this:

Please Stand By
Please Stand By

 

You will know what happened.
Thank y’all for your support.
And by the way, Now I am going to spend the rest of my time this evening catching up with all y’all folks out there whom I enjoy following.
(And damnit! Tis a sad Day For Me here In Mudville, ‘cause Mighty Phil (Mickelson) has struck out. The good news is that there is a Texan leading ‘The Masters’ going into the final round tomorrow.
Rock On! Jordan Spieth!

(See? I can do white. With the best)

beside the point….

At some risk of pissing off the Civil Rights’ Folks I am leaving you with this Sam Cooke. And certainly not trying to co-op the Civil Rights’ Movement, but when words and songs and meaning from a movement cannot touch all the people, well then it is really not a ‘movement’ per se, is it?

And it is a really cool song: part of our American Heritage; not just for Black Folk.

But for all of us who need change.

Hope you enjoy the inspiration.

Cheers,

Lance

Daily Lenny: To is a Preposition; Come is a Verb & Sex is Dirty?

Daily Lenny, Saturday Night Version

Please find below for your Listening Pleasure

Two Lenny bits

To Come:

Sex Is Dirty:

Come is a PrepOpen Your Mind

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

King of Kings

King of Kings

Thanks For Listening.

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce

 

Throw it Back Thursday

“What’dya say Blanche?”

“Horrible,” I say that.

“I didn’t think you liked my stories Blanche… not refined enough for your taste.”

“I like them when they’re amusing.”

This is the most powerfully disturbing thing I can watch. Yeah, I am a schmuck and I cry when Blanche loses her mind.

So…

Let’s not get too heavy

Let’s have fun:

‘Tis Throw Back, ain’t it?

Okay then…

Let’s throw back:

Frogicide

Ants

Stuff 

Happy Thursday y’all

Don't stay here

One More Post Waiting to Happen (Basra, Iraq ’05)

 

 

Best Re-Blog Ever

Words Fail.
Thank you David.

Wow!

Fuckin’ wow!

I am not easily moved. Some would even call me “un-movable.”

Credit to Roxanna for this wonderful video.

***********

This moved me. (see below)

Wow!

Sorry: got distracted there for a moment…

It is, after all, a Shakespeare kind of day…

davidscottmoyer

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Daily Lenny: Refused Service or Served As Refuse

Daily Lenny Below:

Please Enjoy

(I Think Lenny Lost his Mind during this bit Hahaha)

“I’ve done a curs’d thing.”

C. Theater

More Lenny Here:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

EYE Rock

This is a Post Waiting to Happen