Happy Easter, Y’all.
Hop on over to Abby Has Issues!
You will laugh! I promise.
Thank you for taking time out of your mall appearance today—I know it’s a big time of year for you—but this really can’t wait any longer.
It has been brought to our collective attention as an overly politically correct society on a mission to banish all fun that your existence is causing some, shall we say, “issues” I would like to address.
First of all, let’s talk about this egg situation.
I realize it’s tradition for children to color and look for these Easter eggs — henceforth to be known as “Spring Spheres” or “Ornamental Orbs”— but unless we know that these are free range, organic eggs produced from chickens given nothing but a diet of gold-dusted non-GMO corn and poultry pedicures, I’m afraid this practice will have to be stopped. We simply can’t have that danger around.
While a great alternative might have been plastic eggs, there…
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