“Goin’ To The Chapel…”

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“And We’re Gonna Get Married”

My first wife and I got married in Jaffa Israel, an ancient Phoenician Seaport just south of Tel Aviv. The ceremony was performed by a Baptist Minister from Oklahoma in a Presbyterian Church which was maintained by Catholic Missionaries from Sweden.

(Now that right there shoulda told us we were testing Providence)

There were but two witnesses. (Co-workers of ours from Sinai Field Mission who just happened to be in town)

Twenty minutes before the ceremony, my soon to-be-bride and I were hitting all the jewelry stores on Dizengoff Street shopping for wedding rings. Could not find any that suited us or fit.

The clerks always had the same response:

“No problem; I can have it resized and you may pick it up tomorrow.”

We anxiously explained, “But we are getting married in just a few minutes.”

Jewish weddings are a great big hairy deal; so naturally, we were met with gasps of shocked amazement when we announced our time constraint. We tried to explain we weren’t Jewish, but that took just too much time, so we ran from shop to shop.

We finally, and at the very last minute, settled on two plain gold bands (which did not fit), purchased from the jewelry shop in the hotel where we were to rendezvous with the rest of the ‘Wedding Party’.

We all proceeded to Jaffa. My bride was wearing a black dress and I was in blue jeans. My woman and I tied the knot, (loosely, as it turned out). I gave the Okie preacher fifty bucks and we split.

The marriage didn’t stick, but we remain friends to this day.

“Wedding Fail”

My next wedding took place in Las Vegas.

My Bride and I got hitched in a venue called ‘The Chapel of Love’.

An Elvis impersonator would perform the rites for two hundred bucks. (My woman was an Elvis fan, so what the hell). For fifty bucks more, he would sing ‘Love Me Tender’ A Capella. My girl, ever so frugal, suggested we pass on that.

If she had known that within just a few short hours I would be tossing black chips onto a craps table, she might have seriously considered his offer of serenade.

Next wedding was performed by a Justice of the Peace, who showed up two hours late due to some inescapable last-minute JP business which could not wait. By the time she arrived the Wedding Party (and I do mean ‘Party’) were all hopelessly drunk on Champagne. We did the deed and then all got hopelessly drunker. Several expensive champagne flûtes bit the dust that night, if memory serves… Was a great wedding, as those things go.

Last wedding took place in Eureka Springs, Arkansas and was just lovely.

“Eureka Springs, Arkansas has been in the romance business since day one. The city was officially incorporated on Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 1880—the Victorian Era–and since then has been a destination associated with beauty and romance. Today, Eureka Springs is the place to pledge your love–where romance thrives.”

None of these weddings took firm hold, I am sorry to say.

Apparently marriage to me is not much more binding than a hand-shake.

Now… Y’all. I am of course not making light of marriage. I do believe in its sanctity. (For other people) It just doesn’t appear to be right for This Cowboy.

 

Video Credit: patricia du prée

 

Video credit: Holger Syme

************

Thanks for your visit and thanks to Mark for putting this post in my head, sorta like an ear worm.

Cheers to you Mark! My Friend.

“I say we will have no more marriages!”

–Hamlet

43 thoughts on ““Goin’ To The Chapel…””

  1. My first marriage didn’t “take”. Found out after the fact she was dumber than dirt. Got that opinion straight from Gene G, a lawyer for whom she worked during college. He had to proof HER work, instead of the other way around. I think he kept her around as a favor to me. Fired her the week after she filed for divorce. Thankfully she lit out to parts unknown, never to be heard from again. Got me a good one for Round #2, although I waited over 30 years to do so. She’s a priceless gem. Smart. City gal by way of Chicago, LA, Portland NYC and Dallas. Was executive coach to CEO of McDonalds.

  2. I simply must ask: When the fuck were we ever ‘engaged?’ Enraged, maybe, but never engaged.
    Never.
    Not how I rolled, back then, and certainly not now. Not now.
    Not ever.

  4. Whew, dodged that Lance bullet, we were only engaged!!! Ha ha
    Funny or ironic that you posted this on my wedding anniversary? Been married for 24 years….not all sunshine and roses, but in the end….very happy. Sorry Cowboy, maybe true love is still out there for you.

  11. Pingback: Running in Soft Sand: Part Two | Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics

  14. In truth Sarah,
    Your time spent here is very much valued.
    Thank you for investing your time (and yes; it is an investment, as is all the time we give to our fellows)
    I thank you again for yours.
    Cheers,
    Lance
    P.S. I saw Marcel yesternight. He bought me a stout. Jolly jovial fellow, he.
    😉

  15. Ha! Great post. Funny and insightful.

    To be honest, I don’t really think about marriage in relation to myself very often, so I don’t think I really have any fantasies (silly or romantic) related to wedding styles. All I can predict is that there will be a great deal of drinking involved if I ever get married.

    I have enjoyed spending some time on your blog today, but for now, I am off to park to read a little bit of Marcel Proust. Hope you’re doing well!

  16. Not sure when the ‘Statue’ of limitations runs out but, yeah: I should tell more on these. Especially How Wife #1 and I stealthily lived in a Tropical Fish Store for two years, sleeping on Army Cots (borrowed from my Grandfather, WWII wanna-be vet), and how wonderfully patient she was throughout the entire ordeal…

    Thank you very much for reading.
    I do mean that sincerely.
    Cheers,
    Lancers

  17. Fascinating! I love the “loosely, it turns out” bit.

    Hope you get into more detail about these marriages. Inquiring minds.

  20. Word of advice (to a friend) do NOT delve too deeply into the links on my blog, because they are all-over-some-place.
    😉

  21. I can’t view the video ATM. I have the world’s shittiest internet connection. I checked out all the other links, though. Now I feel like I have to keep going back…

  22. I love Polanski’s Macbeth. And I loved his choice for Lady Macbeth. She was perfect. Francesca Annis
    I posted something about this…lemme see…
    oh yeah:
    Here:
    “Look like the innocent flower…”

    http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-F9

  23. She was an amazing Ophelia. It’s been a long time, but I recall being impressed with Gibson as well.

    When I was 11 I announced that I wanted to read MacBeth. Everyone looked at me as if I had suddenly sprouted an extra head. All I knew was that it had witches and sounded cool. I did read it that year and started a life-long love affair with Shakespeare.

    Maybe that’s what I’ve been doing wrong! I keep marrying people who are alive and talk back.

  24. She is one of my all-time favorites. I do find her brilliant.
    And, by the way, I love Zeffirelli’s Shakespeare: R&J, Shrew, & Hamlet. I am a bit of a snob when it comes to this.
    I found Gibson’s Hamlet better than Branagh’s, but that is just me. I do think Branagh’s Henry V was the best in all of the world though.

  25. Oh, no offense taken. I sure as hell wouldn’t marry me. I’d wanna punch me in the face at least once a day.

    Also, on a side note, ever since this particular version of Hamlet came out people have been telling me I look like Helena Bonham Carter. To this day, grocery store check out girls will stare and then say, “You look like that actress…” They can never remember her name, but I know who they mean.

  28. Isn’t it amazing? Amazing how someone with astuteness, can peg me?
    Yes. You did.
    I am indeed, a hopeless romantic.
    This is why I spend so much time working in dangerous, desolate places, mostly desert.
    I wanna be Hemingway.
    Or T.E. Lawrence.
    Or Melville.
    Ya busted me.
    Wow!
    (and of course, you are not awful–I have seen ‘awful’ and you’re not it)
    🙂

  29. Not everyone can claim to be a true romantic. But you? You are about as romantic as they come. And I mean that most wholeheartedly and sincerely. 🙂

    I always want to be married until I have been for a while.

    (I know: I’m awful.)

  34. If you truly know me, you know that I just might do that for the win!
    “Set! Game! Match!”
    Laughing my ass off!
    Great comment!
    Lovin’ it!

  35. I’ve always said that everyone should get married in Vegas once. Not at least once, but just once.

    If you get one more wedding under your belt you can break our tie and win. 😀

  40. Hell Mark! I am nothing if not a cock-eyed optimist.
    Thanks for dropping in.
    I always appreciate your visits.

  42. It is always (for me anyhow) the thrill of the chase.
    Love your comments, by the way.
    Thanks and keep ’em coming.
    Cheers!

  43. But looking is half the fun? I was married in my parents’ living room by the mayor (family friend). Had a fancier service 6 months later at the rod and gun club so family could be there. Still together.

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