Spam I Am: “Oh God! Please Never Leave Me Come To This!”

…Writing Spam for a penny-a-page! 

“I promise! I’ll be good!” (Starting first thing tomorrow)


Now… I am not vain enough to even think for an instant that I am the only one who gets great spam. However, I just feel compelled to show off my own ‘Private Idaho’ favorite one (a recurring one, alas).

But this is wonderful, mighty writing, and I beg you to read it, for the more I read it, the more I laugh and marvel at how great it is. Truly! (And for some sake of brevity, I did not even post the entire bit).

So abstract. So poetic. I just fucking love this guy/gal. I wanna make a poster and post it in Real Life, on my wall, My “I love me wall”:  just for negative inspiration.

I do sincerely wish I could write this way, and with such piercing eloquence:   And hey!~ Y’all! Y’all really need to go there, jes sayin’


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Kinda takes your breath away, don’t it?

I do sincerely hope you have enjoyed this.

Whenever I am feeling blue, I read this and say to myself,

“Lance, someday, someday, you will end up like this”

Then I pour myself a scotch, and open a Can-O’-Spam, forcing Life to digress… for just One-More-Day. 

‘Tis a happy prospect, eh?

And here is the video version:

Now! That was a bit of a joke, but Y’all know I am always looking for any opportunity to slip in my favorite videos.

(And, Yes! I am infatuated with Felicia Pearson. There are worse to be had. Trust me on this one, yo! And if you have never seen “The Wire” well, Y’all need to check it out, unless of course it may not be Y’all’s cup O’ tea, just sayin’)

And those who frequent these pages… should surely know this.

As for the rest of you,

Well, I merrily suggest you dive  delve? into The Archives.

Peace, and

‘exhilarating truthfully’,

–Lance, Y’all’s Humble Servant


7 thoughts on “Spam I Am: “Oh God! Please Never Leave Me Come To This!”

  1. Thank you John. It is always great to touch base with you. You know I am a fan. I have shared a lot of your work on my Borked Facebook page…. for whatever that may be worth. Glad you liked my Spam Experience.

  2. Hahaha!
    Try Hebrew:
    ani lo medaber ivrit / אני לא מדבר עברית
    (I don’t speak English)

    I learned just enough Arabic and Hebrew while in The Middle of the East to get me into some serious trouble. I used to practice my Hebrew phrases in Dubai, Jordan, Kuwait, and Iraq to the horror of whichever Buddies were hanging out with me:
    “Goddamn it Marcom! Stop speaking that shit! You’re gonna get us killed!”
    I just kept laughing (Yep, I am an ass)

    Thanks for stopping by Annie.
    Boker tov (boker tov) בוקר טוב (good morning)

  3. OKay, so now I learned a new word: ‘Bayesian’. At first glance, I thought you were going all ‘Ancient’s Histoire’ on me. Au contraire!
    Laughing my ass off!

    Yep! I read all my spam (Well I really don’t read all the Asian shit I cannot hope to make out).

    But I read the rest ’cause, more than once, I have found legit comments therein.

    (OK, this has happened thrice out of five thousand, but if you were in my shoes, you could not afford to lose one-single-comment.

    When I become a ‘Rich an’ Famous Power-Blogger’ (Like some guy I shall not name here, but you can probably guess–then I will stop reading my Spam Commentary)

    But for now, I humbly thank you for your ‘Not Spam’ Comment.

    Cheers and Beers, (Too early for beers…well not really, but yes)

  4. You actually read your Bayesian Poison spam? That probably indicates something you wouldn’t want advertised on a billboard, not that I have any idea what it might be. 😀

    Take ‘er easy, man.

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