My girlfriend was perfect. Her hair, her skin, her smile, her grade point average, her charitable acts. She left the bathroom smelling better than when she entered. Her shit literally smelt like lilacs.

Her entire effing family was perfect. Doctors, superheroes, and philanthropists all. They liked rescuing abused animals and volunteering free medical advise on the weekends. Her grandfather had won both a Nobel prize and a Pulitzer. Her brother was on the front page of the paper after he pulled a homeless man off the subway tracks moments before he was pulverized by train. I don’t know why I had such a hang up about it, but I just did.

When I first met her I was so happy, so stoked to have found someone so perfect. I wasn’t sure what she saw in me, but that didn’t matter at the time. Eventually she began to seem too perfect…