He Drinks Now Most Nights With the TV On

And all the house lights left up bright.


Happy  New Year.

“I’m gonna blow this damn candle out.”

“Holidays are hard on some guys.”

(I stole that line from a favorite movie of mine, loosely based on a wonderful play by some guy: “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” which I first saw in the Sinai, and then saw it… wait for it… in Chicago.

When I saw the movie in Shy – Town, It had been bastardized into… “About Last Night.”

“Travesty” as a word…

“Cynical and drunk?”

“May-hap: C’est moi?”


“What did he say?”


Honestly, when it comes down to it, we all die alone… boring someone in some dark café.

“Jesus Christ! Lance! Some happy thoughts for the New Year?”

“Naw, been there…”

“You’re either too stupid to die, or too stupid to live.”

“Yes. Both.”

I like to think that I only write for me.

That is some vain fantasy. Or just a pleasant fiction.

I write to get bed, er… read.

I do.

I really do.

I am a “writer”

Or, at least, I think of me in that way.

And I love commas.

And I edit as I go.

Someone once said of “Lord Ernest” (Hemingway),

Someone said he said, “Write Drunk. Edit Sober.”

Now, personally, I think that apocryphal, but what do I know?

Yet, I am going with it.

(at least the write drunk part)

Now, back to Joni:

“Love can be so sweet.”

“Go look at your eyes.”

“Drink up now. It’s gettin’ on time to close.”

Some footnote:

Oh, and by the way, The Last time I saw Richard was Great Lakes, Recruit Training Command, ’86,  and he told me… something about staying alive while with the Navy SEALs in SO CAL, just before he went to Florida and committed suicide,  because He could not handle the Pressure that was (then) the U.S. Navy Nuclear Submarine Program. Thank God I was in Coronado with the SEALs.

And So Safe

So safe.

I miss Richard.

He was braver than me.

And nobody ever committed suicide while at BUD/s (Navy SEAL) training: we were just all too busy, you see, just ‘busily’ trying to stay the fuck alive.

“Richard got married to a figure-skater–post-humorlessly.”

Somehow, I live.

His name was “Richard” and he was a real person.

Yeah, I left  out the tag line (on purpose):

“when you gonna get back on your feet?”


If you happenstance to swerve into this blog, and catch yourself saying,

“Gee! This guy is cool.”


(Just don’t.)

But if’n you do, Do not then… follow the comments.

Just don’t fuckin’ do it. 

Save some:  them, them the good memories.

And walk on by.

(You just knew I had to.)


38 thoughts on “He Drinks Now Most Nights With the TV On

  1. Miss Lou, we had quite the commentary on this one; I have re-posted it (not because of our comments, but because of Joni M. I do hope you understand)

  2. Memories . . .beautiful, yet sometimes so bittersweet!! Holidays can amplify those bittersweet memories even more. Just realized you were back online – glad to see it, Lance!! And your woman’s coming home 🙂
    Here’s to a great 2015 for us all ☮

  3. Absolutely still communicate with OM, I have done so since he started his blog.

    He’s a top bloke.

    I don’t see anyone winning in an argument where the intent is to hurt or be malicious.

  4. OK, I went back to your site (yes yes, I know: been too long since I have been there, but I did have that heart attack thing, ya know?)
    I noticed that you are still consorting with mine (and SS’s) enemy: The Dread OM, aka Jason Something.
    I actually like OM; but we fell out some many moons ago.
    Short Long Story: won’t bore you with detail, but SS and I fell out with him. We actually Tag-Teamed him one night, so to speak. SS Won.
    I came in Second.
    OM brought up the rear.
    (my “play by play” anyway)
    Miss Lou,
    It has been a real pleasure.
    I am exhausted with trying to keep up with you.
    Thanks for the ride.

  5. I’m reading through some of your other posts #Snorks..

    However, I will be heading to bed soon.. 2:53am and all 😛

  6. Well, Miss Lou…
    Either I outlasted you or I pissed you off.
    Neither was my intent.
    What a thread of conversation.
    Hope I did not say anything too stupid.

  7. As I mentioned, I am a veteran of the chat room wars. (And the U.S. Navy, but please do not hold that against me)

    I did my time; took my baptism of fire there, ‘made my bones’ in Mafia parlance, now, I like to ponder some before I respond.
    But… those were heady days. As I said, you had to type fast and carry a rather large mouse.
    I am in a lot of pain now; mostly because of my tooth, but you must recognize, my grammar and spelling is still pretty good, eh?
    Post Script:
    I also did some hard time in Iraq and Afghanistan (and Missouri and Oklahoma—married—that is a joke, by the way. The only jail time I ever served was in Mexico…

  8. 36 years old (just turned).
    Speed Typist
    Self Conscious
    Contradiction.. lol

    I think I might have explained in a previous comment, that i am playing catch up in blogs as I have been absent for quite some time.

    If I am here I will usually respond (quite Quickly) as it is easy to do (typing 1 million words a second has it’s perks.. lol), if responses are quick enough, it turns into a ‘chat like’ conversation.. doesn’t it..lol

  9. Ok.
    Now begs the question?
    Miss Lou, who are you?
    I mean, I have spent some time at your site.
    You write so well.
    You have a very good site.
    You are witty, smart, intelligent, and probably very attractive (but then aren’t we all?— Do not take offense—that is probably an old, by now, internet joke
    Who are you?
    Why are you being so nice to me?
    We actually have been WPress Friends for damn near one year. I have been remiss and not been to your site in some time, yet, I have always remained a ‘follower.’
    Excuse me if I am confused.
    I know damn well, my writing ain’t that good…..or is it?
    Yeah! I am fricking Hemingway.
    * smile *
    And, by the way, in deference to you, I said, ‘fricking’– definitely not my style– I am a sailor. I generally say ‘fucking’

  10. Ahh.. No apology necessary… lol

    It’s not something that personally bothers me – if people like without reading.

    I do not leave comments if I don’t read the post.

    Sometimes I may leave comments that don’t make sense, cause I’m weird and get stuck on tangents – like songs that remind me of lost romance.. slapping my own head which = pain.

  11. Of Course I read the post… LOL


    I wouldn’t have bothered posting a comment if I hadn’t read it.

    I do understand the context of the post, but for whatever reason, the song at the end took me back to an extremely difficult time in my life that happened to involve a man. I’ve never contemplated suicide, but when I think about the most difficult times with the hardest lessons, THAT experience was one of the most difficult.

    Although I cannot speak for anyone that has contemplated suicide (or gone on to commit it) I feel very sorry that they found themselves in such a difficult place where they could not, in any way have hope for a way out of their deeply painful situation.

    I imagine that the loss of a person that someone loves deeply could be of those events that might lead to that kind of deep sadness.

    Love and loosing it messes us up a bit….

  12. The main reason I ever came so close (physically) to suicide was because I was twelve and my football shoes did not fit.
    And that is a true story.
    If you have ever read my story of my best friends dying… you would have guessed that, but that would be false.

  13. Now I feel like an idiot.
    Please accept my apology.
    I came so close to accusing you of just liking posts without actually reading them (a pet peeve of mine, well documented).
    I am so sorry.
    Sending this now and will address the rest next.

  14. Honesty shouldn’t ever result in embarrassment as far as I am concerned.

    I think the closest thing to thoughts of suicide I have ever experienced was during severe health anxiety attacks where I honestly believed that i was going to die, could hardly breathe, was burning up and shivering ridiculously – NOT physically sick, but emotionally the attacks were shocking. I remember being at the hospital and asking them to give me something to help me go to sleep until the fear went away.

    I got them as a result of a car accident I had when I was 17 and almost died. Anxiety is one of the most debilitating experiences I have ever had health wise.

  15. Miss Lou???
    Did you actually ‘read’ this post?
    I mean…
    Did you read it?
    Or just scroll down and find a song…?
    Now I need to know.
    If you did not actually read it… lie and say you did read.

    I guess now I know the secret behind those fast typing skills.

  16. Walk on by is/was a wonderful song. And I could tell you personal stories related to that one, that might bring a tear.
    Shit. I just don’t know anymore… but the point of the post was suicide.
    Yes, I know: bummer.
    Now, I am embarrassed.
    I am so fragile.
    Not really
    * smile *

  17. Also, I’m not sure if it makes any difference, But I wouldn’t go back or change a single thing about that experience in love, and the even longer period recovering from that love….

    Something I honestly believe is that regrets serve no purpose and NO matter how painful a situation something GOOD can come out of it.. even if it is that I suffered terribly and as a result can now relate to and provide comfort to others who go through the same #Ish.

    Every thing we do makes a difference. One way or another.

  18. OK.
    Sorry I missed your comment. As I said, I am two minutes behind and in this media, well…. that might as well be ten miles.
    Thank you so much for commenting on this one. It is important to me.

  19. I Love the song ‘Walk On By’…

    That’s what I said (not in quite those words) to the man who I thought was the love of my life…

    It was becoming a #TerribleHeadMessy situation to live in and I had to say goodbye..

    It’s been almost 6 years now.

    It’s only the last year I have realised I do not think of him every single day.


  20. True story.
    Honestly, at the time, I did not know how much I would miss Richard,
    Nor how I would miss Peanut,
    Nor how much I would miss that un-named girl.
    I have re-set my priorities now.

  21. I did read your hidden compliment.
    I honestly did.
    I will address it manana.
    Just until I can get back to Baghdad.
    Which is where I do belong.

  22. The last time I saw my first wife it was in Montana… She might or might not still be in Missoula, but if you end up in those parts be on the lookout for a runway model (or what looks like a 50 year old former runway model) with fangs.

    ‘Scuse me.. since last we met I’ve been at the pipe…

    Savannah is a nice darn place to lose yourself and if you’re considering only the South I highly recommend it, if “Norlens” is not in the running. There’s a lot to be said for Norlens just the same, or at least there was 470 million years ago when I spent what might have been too much time there.

    Either way, dude, hang around. The internet does have quite a lot of shit on it, but most of it’s not as intelligent as your shit and we need that intelligence.

  23. I really loved the way you worked in ‘malleable”. I never use that word.
    Most times, I love you like my brother.
    (and truth: I ain’t got n’eren)

    All the time!
    I may have about six hours left in me. You probably need to go to work, or something. Oh! Wait! Is today New Years Day?
    I walked off my UPS job; those people just pissed me off!
    I used to make more in ten minutes than I did there in three days, but then, I knew that going in.
    I am over that now.
    I am calling in some markers and moving to Savannah.
    Moving to Montana soon: gonna be a dental floss tycoon.
    Either which.

    Ya know…

    Zappa was really always underrated as a guitarist….

    I cannot imagine why.

    And since I seem to be on some roll…

    Now, of course,
    Kinky did this all “tongue in cheek.”
    But then…
    You would have to be Tejas to know this.
    We make our own humor down here.

    and one more goddamn thing:
    I have shaken hands with Cesar Chavez.

  24. It’s yesterday about which nothing can be done, while the next second of life and every second and every year and every century remains a mystery and a malleable thing we can mold to be our own.

    Philosophy is not my strong point, but here ya have it to do with as you will. Whatever you decide, my friend, I hope the future is much kinder to you than has been the past even if the past has been far kinder than you’ve deserved.

  25. Dammit, man, you said you were shutting this flea circus down, and here you are with the neon lit and the sound check turned up loud. Do me a favor and stick around, huh?

    Happy 2015!

  26. And Dear ShitShow,
    I know I should be down on Beale Street, Celebrating, but I make it a hard practice to never drink with amateurs.
    I know my writing is sophomoric.
    I know it is corny.
    The truth usually IS corny. (and ‘sopho-moronic’)
    ‘Now,’ to quote Peanut, “Run tell that!”
    And of course, as always, I do appreciate any comments.
    Especially from you.
    I only write that such moves me.

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