There is a very rare and narrow window into my world.

Let us call it the ‘Sobriety Window.”

For lack of a term.

Sometimes, I attempt to thrust me out of that window.

Sometimes I just ignore it

Sometimes, I actually make it outside.

Into the ‘Real World.’

Then I panic!

Try to get back in.

Back into my “Comfort Zone.”

But the Window has already slammed shut behind me.

I cannot get back in.

But eventually, using an eat crow bar, I manage to  pry it open.

Through perseverance and cunning.

And lying. (To Myself.)

Get back in.

And the whole shit–show begins anew.

Rinse and Repeat.

****

“Well there’s a rain that ruins my alibi

I’m down to tellin’ you, my Red-eyed Mind

It’s not that sun bright path

That calls me from my home

It’s just that fine Backslider’s wine

My momma sings out in my memory

Oh Son, don’t wear no black-eyed shine

Fight for your rights

But, don’t just fight for right

And do not drink Backslider’s wine

But I took myself for a strong and loving soul

’til I found my self, face down on the bar room floor

Crying “My God! What has become of me?”

I dare not drink Backslider’s wine.”

   –JJ Walker

“No more”

—Lance