There is a very rare and narrow window into my world.
Let us call it the ‘Sobriety Window.”
For lack of a term.
Sometimes, I attempt to thrust me out of that window.
Sometimes I just ignore it
Sometimes, I actually make it outside.
Into the ‘Real World.’
Then I panic!
Try to get back in.
Back into my “Comfort Zone.”
But the Window has already slammed shut behind me.
I cannot get back in.
But eventually, using an eat crow bar, I manage to pry it open.
Through perseverance and cunning.
And lying. (To Myself.)
Get back in.
And the whole shit–show begins anew.
Rinse and Repeat.
“Well there’s a rain that ruins my alibi
I’m down to tellin’ you, my Red-eyed Mind
It’s not that sun bright path
That calls me from my home
It’s just that fine Backslider’s wine
My momma sings out in my memory
Oh Son, don’t wear no black-eyed shine
Fight for your rights
But, don’t just fight for right
And do not drink Backslider’s wine
But I took myself for a strong and loving soul
’til I found my self, face down on the bar room floor
Crying “My God! What has become of me?”
I dare not drink Backslider’s wine.”