I open the ‘damn’ door and sure as shit there she stood, looking as radiant as ever.
“Did you get a tan? Looks like you got a tan. It’s a nice tan. Been to some exotic beach?”
“Cut the bullshit small talk,” she said as she brushed past me, entering our ‘apartment.’
“You promised me you were gonna clean up this dump,” she said, looking around.
“Got no time for that. I am a WRITER.”
“Not without me, you’re not. And oh, by the way, you smell. Got no time for personal hygiene either?”
“Welcome home,” I said.
“Fuck you,” she said, as She threw some dirty clothes off the couch and sat down, looking somewhat disgusted.
“Plant your smelly ass in front of that keyboard. We have Work to do.”
So, I parked ‘my smelly ass’ in front of the keyboard…
and just sat there, staring at a blank page.
Muse got up off Nasty Couch, walked over to me.
“What are you not doing?” she demanded.
“I’ll not write another line
For my true love is gone
When the guests have done
I’ll tidy up the room”
She smacked me up-side my head.
“Snap out of it Asshole! Write!”
So thus I began:
“It was a dark and stormy night…”
“I am NOT amused,” said Muse.
“Okay, Okay, Gimme a moment to collect my thoughts.”
“A ‘brief moment’ is all you’re gonna get from me. Otherwise I am back to The Bahamas and good fucking luck without me. Get ON WITH IT!”
“Get on with WHAT?”
“Don’t you remember, you Idiot? I emailed it to you from the road: ‘Indigo Girl #3: LaSheeka!'”
“How does it begin?” I asked.
“Get a job, you lazy son of a bitch! She screamed at some pan-handler at Hotel Indigo late one night. I just walked away, but said to her, “Baby, calm down.” She replied, “These idiots just piss me off.” Had to concur.“
“Ring any Bells?” Muse said.
“Uh, I may have been drunk, and did not see it,” I said.
“You’re hopeless,” she said back. “But I am going to stick with you. For now. You do have some small talent. Try using it.”
(This entire narrative falls apart if you do not watch the Janis Ian–probably shouda put this at the beginning of this post instead of at the ending of it, but I don’t trust WordPress to not screw up my edit)