So, I suddenly realized that my auto insurance expired two days ago.

I have been ‘with’ Progressive over 9 years for my insurance needs.

Paying just the bare amount to be ‘legal’. Don’t need no ‘comprehensive.’ Don’t need a million dollars worth of collateral dead man walking compensation. Don’t need no protection from “Acts of God.”

Oh Hell No!

I just wanna be ‘legal.’

Simple.

Been paying about $250 and change for six months coverage.

I went to the Progressive web site to renew my policy, but while there I tried to inform them that I was no longer in Memphis.

No dice.

Their web site is broken.

So I got on the telephone.

Got someone named “George” or “Randy” or “Wilfred” or whatever. Don’t matter.

Turns out he was a “Soy Boy.”

But more on that later.

He’s like, “Well, before we can continue, I need to ask you a series of questions. Will take about 15 minutes. Do you agree to this?”

“Sure,” I said. “Got no pressing engagements at this moment; fire away.”

Now, mind you, Gentle Readers, I have been ‘with’ Progressive Insurance for quite some time.

We’ve met.

They already know everything about me, save for my new Home of Record which is the only reason I had to telephone them. But I am a patient man and realize there are dumb-ass corporate ‘dances’ that must be danced, so I answered all the redundant questions.

Finally got to the punch line:

“Ok, Willard, Wilfred, Randy… How much my ‘New’ Texas Policy gonna set me back?”

“Four hundred and sixty-three dollars. Would you like to go ahead and renew now?”

“Whoa! Wait a second there Hot-Rod! Please explain to me why the same policy I had in Tennessee costs double in Texas.”

“Well, it’s a different state.”

“No shit. Tell ya what, I am gonna ‘shop’ this around. If I cannot do better, then I will call you back. No, strike that! Do you have Flo’s personal number?”

“Flo is not a real person,” he said.

“Well then, I am gonna call the Geico Gecko. Bye!“