Word-Press Distress

What I hear while on the telephone with WordPress Customer Diss-Me-Service:

WordPress, how do I hate Thee?

Let Me Count The Ways.

(This Make Take Some Time. Have A Seat. I’ll Get You A Drink)

****

Hey WP! This Below could be dedicated from me to you.

(If you were worth-a-shit!)

Sadly.

You are Not

******

****

Hey WP!!

Could Not (In Honest Conscience)

Dedicate Much to you,

But I DID Continue to Work at it.

Found Something

Special

Just for You!

Have a Nice Day!

Credit: Ashnikko

The La Mesa Yankee Girl In King Lance’s Court (From Connecticut) Work-In-Progress… *Apologies to Mark Twain*

A very long TT&H Project I am working on:

“KAREN, The Only Non-Texan Girl I Ever Loved”

(Working Title)

OK. That’s a Bullshit Lie.

But it Looked Good to Me In Print.

So I’m gonna run with it.

*****

Just need to wait for her to send me the photo records…


“Dear Karen,
I have a favor to ask:
Would you please email me any and all photos of us together?
(All Mine perished in a fire—that my last Wife started)
I am working on a blog story.
Don’t worry.
I am respectful.
It will be very flattering to you.
Because I did love you once.
(Probably still do)
But you weren’t no Texan.

Video credit: patgree


I forgave you that however.
Thanks in advance, -Lance.”


She emailed me back:


“I can and will. Give me a few days, I’m not at home at the moment.
I do get the just. (Pretty sure she meant ‘Gist’, but English was never her strong suit–she had ‘other talents.’) So a favor back, do I get to read what you are writing?”

I replied,


“Of course you do. The post is gonna be all about you.

And how I truly did love you.

Smoke that!

Ponder it.

You silly Gurl! I still love you.

Below is how I remember you:”

Street Vid Cred: catman916

*****

Oh And BTW,

Where the Fuck is “Ipanema?”

Car Shield? No Deal!

Y’all know I watch way too much CNN.

Ten Minuets of ‘News’ and Fifty Minuets of Obnoxious Commercials.

Every Hour.

Day after Day.

Every Day!

Above is one of the worst.

I dialed up Car Shield:

“Hey Car Shield! I want to Board Your Gravy Train!”

“Sure. We are here for you. But first, we require some info.”

“Watcha need?”

“Just some personal info (Which we will never share, nor sell.”)

“OK . What then?”

“Next of kin. First Born. Mother’s Maiden Name. You know. The Usual.”

“Alright. Here ya go.”

“Oh, and one last thing.”

“Yes?”

“A Photo of the Current Condition your vehicle is in.”

“Certainly. Let me hang up so that I may email you a photo.”

I emailed them my photo:

They never called me back.

Cannot imagine why…

So Fuck it!

I called up Flo

(We on ‘First Name Basis’)

“Hey Flo! How’s it go?”

“I love you Lance! How may I help you today?”

“Just hold me.”

“OK.”

*****

Added More Flow To My Flo:

********

Germane:

Face-Fukked

Facebook has become so powerful that, for some people, having a Facebook account is more important than a driver’s license. But when you lose that account, there’s no recourse.

For Any Enquiring Minds Who Give-A-Shit:

I recently deleted My Face-Fuk Account of 12 Years.

Guess what happened next.

FaceBook sent a buxom Blond to Mi Casa.

Ostensibly to give me a blow-job.

But it did not take me long to figger out that all she wanted was for me to undelete my account.

I politely invited her to go fuck herself.

(She left in haste)

In a cloud of dust  and flying gravel.

“Down the Road In A Cloud Of Smoke.”

Good Riddance!

(I went back to my neglected beer and we had a good time–spending some quality time together)

“Love’s a gift that’s truly handmade.”

–JJ Walker