Weary

I have grown ever so weary of grieving.

I have grown ever so weary of tearing.

I have grown ever so weary of crying.

I have gown ever so weary of dying

(Deep inside—I AM still Alive!)

Madelyn is not!

She is dead and gone!

Video Compilation Credit: Evan Burek

If Madelyn had ever made a movie… this would have been her. She would have stolen the show.

(And I would’ve played the Sad Sack idiot–merely a bit-sidekick player)

Hold me closer Dear Loved Sister.

I’ll see you soon.

Unless I end up in that

‘Other Place.’

********

But I know exactly what she would say to me:

“Lance! Get on WITH YOUR LIFE!”

I want to be happy again.

I want ‘happy-go-lucky’ back in my life again.

I want to write happy shit again.

I want to watch happy videos again (and not feel guilty for watching them)

I want Beauty back in my life again.

I want Music back in my life again

I want Comedy back in my life again.

I WANT TO LAUGH AGAIN!

*******

I will never forget Madelyn.

But she is right:

I need to get on with what is left of MY Life.

I love you Madelyn.

(And thank you—thank you for loving me)

And for being my friend

***********

I cannot explain why I feel so guilty over the loss of my sister.

Perhaps because I let our relationship go south and did not stay in-touch with her.

(Perhaps Because I am an obnoxious drunk—but she forgave me that)

I am gonna explore a new technique:

I am gonna try to FORGIVE ME.

And try a little tenderness

On me.

Because that is what Madelyn would want.

For me.

“Hold her!

Squeeze her!

(to your heart)

NEVER Leave Her!”

********

I am not ‘writer’ enough to ‘write’/express my feelings about Madelyn.

But I am gonna keep banging away…

***********

“I thank The Lord for all the people…

I have found.”

(And more importantly, for all those who found me.)

3 thoughts on “Weary

  1. Very touching my friend. If this is written from truth I am sure you are right because if someone loves you they would want you to be happy. Blessings to you. Hugs 🤗 Joni

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