‘Should‘ I go for it?
‘Could’ I go for it?
(I ‘could’ and ‘would’ really use the ten bucks!)
Enthusiastic Homer Says
Will definitely require some strong, mighty resolve and determination. Not to mention uncommon valor and courage…
So I sent out an urgent ‘Mayday! Mayday!’ to Three-Star General Woodbridge requesting he Muster his Marines:
Through a secure internet line I was able to listen in ‘real-time’ as The General briefed his men:
“Men, I’m not gonna Bullshit you, nor sugar-coat this. We are tasked with a very dangerous mission, fraught with peril. But I know you are up to the job. Many Men will die; not return alive, but remember this: No man left behind.”
“Our mission is simple in concept, but will be difficult in execution. We have received a recon film from our man on the ground. He bravely risked his life in obtaining this intelligence, so pay close attention.”
“Additionally, Sergeant Ihrke will be passing out a complete ‘Mission Objectives Packet’ containing still photographs and the most up-to-date intelligence available regarding the current situation on the ground.”
“Sergeant, you may proceed.”
“Study all these items carefully, closely, and completely, with nothing but ‘attention to detail’ and the successful completion of the Mission Objective in the forefront of your minds.”
“Succinctly put, our sole Mission is to Clean-Up This Shithole, taking as few casualties as Our Almighty General ‘Chesty’ Puller, will allow.”
(“RIP, Oh Great One”)
“Wheels up at zero five hundred hours.”
“OK. That’s it then!”
“Now, let’s go Get Some!“
MUST STUDY THIS ONE FIRST MEN
Street Cred for Vid: Lance Marcom
Items Contained in the Mission Objectives Packet For Your Perusal Below.
But Be Thee Forewarned, The ‘Packet’ Was Compiled By a Moron: Possessing Not Much ‘Intelligence’ for an ‘Intelligence Officer.”
Not Sure If Any Value To The Marines
Oh My Goodness! We Got Ourselves a Natural Disaster!
Yep! A Natural Disaster!
Heavy casualties taken
But we were not yet done
We stacked them up as cordwood
‘Til the Battle could be Won!
A Brief Interlude To Take You From The Carnage,
If Only For A Moment:
“A War Poem”
By Lance A. Marcom
I Knocked a beer off my chair
It spilt everywhere
I did not die
(Just opened a new one)
And Carried On!
And Was Happy Again.
We Captured A Spy Who Had Stealthily Penetrated In Behind Our Lines.
We Executed Him On The Spot
Having Been Thusly Compromised, General Woodbridge Ordered We Fortify Our Defenses.
We Did So
With A Bigger Wall
Coming Under Heavy Artillery Fire
We Were Forced To Hunker-In-Our-Bunker
The Enemy Was Amassing Large Numbers of Troops For A ‘Tet Offensive’
When It Finally Came
We Doggedly Held Our Ground.
And Punished Them All Around
Thusly They Ended Their
‘Gallipolian Endeavor‘ in Shame
The War Dragged On For Months and Months
The Men Were Growing More and More
Fatigued and Morose
“How Long Will This Bullshit Go On?”
Could Often Be Heard About The Mess Tent At Night
Morale Was Low
Then One Day Word Came Down That ‘Peace’ Talks Were On-Going Somewhere In Europe.
“Paris, France” Was The Scuttlebutt
Made ‘Parfait’ Sense To ‘Moi‘
Those ‘Frogs’ Sucked At War, But They Were Damn Talented When It Came Time To Sue For Peace.
At Any Rate, Morale Was Lifted By The News.
This War Had Become Not Unlike ‘The Korea’, or Perhaps ‘The Nam‘, Or Perhaps ‘Le Deux’.
A ‘See-Saw’ War of Attrition
It Simply No Longer Made No Sense
Nor Showed No Sign of Contrition
We Had Gained A Little Ground, But Nowhere Near Enough To Justify All The Lives Lost Or Destroyed
Late One Evening Some of the Men Were Rummaging Around in the Galley Looking For a ‘Late-Night Snack’
Don’t Despair About The Frigidaire,
‘Cuz Now It’s Clean In There
Just Take My Word. You’ll Have To:
I’m Outta Film
Suddenly The Communications Officer Appeared, Running And Screaming Throughout The Camp:
“The War is OVER! The War is OVER!
“‘Cease-Fire’ Effective in Twenty-Four Hours!”
Joyous Pandemonium Quickly Ensued
Whoa! Not-So-Fast Hot-Rod!
Twenty-Four Hours Can Be a
Very, Very Long Time
Beaucoup Bullshit Can Go Down in Twenty-Four Hours
After That Initial Orgasmic Spurt of Elation The Men Grew Nervous and Paranoid
Never A Great State Of Mind For A Fighting Man
No One, it Seemed, Wished to be The Last Man To Die in ‘Marcom’s Hooch War’
With The War ‘Over’
(For The Time-Being)
Things Settled Into ‘Détente Lite’
Nothing Left To Fight
The ‘Cold War’ Did Commence
And Stuck Us On The Fence
And Even More Stressing
The Bills Kept A-Coming
Never ‘Paid’ Them Much Attention Before
Way Too Busy, So… Ignore
But No Way Now To Relieve That Stress Somehow
Nor The Boredom
I Suppose I Could Work On Cleaning My Hooch Some More…
My Depravity Knows No Boundary
I have stocked up on Honourable Food & Beverage.
Brain-Food, Health-Food, Writer’s-Food & Liquid Propulsion.
Should be able to ‘Honourably’ Write Now.
I splurged and purchased a surprise ‘treat’ for the Gnats
Yeah. Gonna give them the night off, so that they may binge–watch
Can you spot the ‘Surprise’ out of the
‘Many Other Myriad’ Goodies?
- If You have read this far, seek counsel.
- If you have read this far I ‘for-real’ love you.
- If you have read this far, I leave you with a little ‘touch of Joni.’
Far Too Many of Her Songs Make Up My Life’s Soundtrack.
Cheers My Friends!
Vid Cred: JoniJourney
1. I am not sure about the laws regarding apartment dwelling in Texas.
2. The post is meant to be humorous and certainly those who have been reading me for some time know my humor rolls this way
3. Most of the photos showing booze and the video are all months and months old.
4. Toward the end you get current state of my apartment. No booze apparent in those photos, eh?
5. Your time and your comments are sincerely appreciated.
Thank you very much for both.
What kind of apartment can just come into your place and look around for no ‘particular’ reason? With notification, a landlord can expect to make an appointment, but just show up and expect entry? That’s absurd. For someone who says they’ve quit drinking, there was a HUGH amount of wine/beer apparent. Good luck with winning the $10.00!