If Herman Melville were trying to write ‘Moby Dick’ in 2021

“Chapter One: ‘Call me Bubba.'”

*scratches out*

“Chapter One: Call me ‘Fred’.”

*scratches out*

“Chapter One: Call Me ‘Gomer'”

*sends to social media*

“What y’all think?”

“Go kill yerself”

“Thanks. Now call me Ismael. Okay?”

“Post some fucking cute whale Tic Toks. Then we’ll talk. And next time, wear your fucking mask.”

“Okay, let me just put down this bowl and find my whale-oil lighter. BRB.”

Fucking Writers!

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