This post may not, at first read, seem to have anything to do with Madelyn, but if you fucking read between the lines, it has everything to do with her. She taught me so much about life, real life. The things that matter in life, and now, I suppose, death.

Goddamn you non-existent God!

She taught me music—Joni, Cat Stevens, almost taught me about sex. She taught me how to smoke dope. She taught me how to be a good young man.

She stood up for me when Daddy and his bitch wife (her mother) were going to force me to drop out of football because of my lousy grades.

She was ALWAYS there for me, and in my small, certainly impotent, lacking way, I was always there for her. Just like in the fucking Waltons.

We were not always in touch. I, in later years ran off to faraway shit holes halfway around the world, but she stayed with me, in my mind and in my heart. And I would often catch me saying to me, “I wish Madelyn could see this shit. She would get the joke of it all.”

I rest my case. Case Resting

***

I WANT MY SISTER BACK!

I WANT MY SISTER BACK!

I WANT MY SISTER BACK!

I WANT MY SISTER BACK!

IF THERE IS A GOD,

I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU ‘GOD’

“GO FUCK YOURSELF.“

And when you take a break from fucking yourself,

GO FUCK JESUS TOO!!!

***

My life has taken on a new shade of grey.

Not fifty.

One is a fucking nuff.

I have spent a great portion of my life living in California.

First with my Mom back in the Sixties and then Later (Mid 80’s) When I was a Sailor Stationed in San Diego.

I have always loved Cali (Of Course not as I LOVE Texas, But Love California I did.)

So it is with a Heavy Heart That I Post this Post.

The California That I loved so Much is Dead to me Now.

And So glad I ‘escaped’ before She Tuned to Literal Shite.

I’d like to hang onto my GOOD Memories of California–All the Times Mom and I would go to San Francisco, Santa Cruz,

And of course

Haight-Ashbury

And 39613 Bruning Street

Michelle Phillips was such a tiny, petite, beautiful lady. Guess she still is….

Dearest Joni, Pretty sure California has broken your Heart as it has mine. I love you Joni for this magical Song–and for ALL of your Magical Songs–You are such an important part of my life. And you will always remain, holding a very special place in my heart.

Until Death do us part. I hope I go first. I do not wish to live in a world without you, Joni Mitchell

*****

Moving on–My fawning desire over Joni, for now, sated

(But trust me: It will resurface, and probably much sooner than later)

*******

And this Saddens Me. Me, The Eternal Cock-Eyed Optimist, But Some things Are Perma-Broken and I see no Chance of Fixing Them Anytime soon: