DO NOT READ THIS ONE EITHER! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! “More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars”

Author’s Notes:

  1. My ‘War’ With Kent was better-natured than it may at first appear.
  2. No Gods were harmed during this war.
  3. Some mortal egos may have been bruised however.
  4. This post is a chocolate mess.

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I once knew a Theist named Kent

Who told me his Joy Heaven Sent

But his mind slipped a gear

His faith fled in fear

So I gave up on Kent for Lent

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What do you call a ‘Facebooker’ who accuses another ‘Facebooker’ of hacking his own post and then reports said ‘hacker’ to Facebook for hacking his own post and then posts on his timeline, in excruciating detail how he, using his stellar sleuth skillset, figured all this out?

Take your time…

OK, time’s up.

“A Self-Made Fool, Devoid of Logic, who plays the ‘Pity Me’ card because he wants to become a laughing stock for anyone who knows how Facebook actually works.” (And for some who don’t)

Or succinctly put, you call him “Kent”

But don’t take MY word for it; you can read some samples of his ‘piercing eloquence’ below:

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To let everyone get a little good news or good thought or just bring a little happiness on Facebook. I try to be positive and enjoy getting in contact with others old and new friends.

Check my profile I want to share and be friendly with all post and maybe make a positive difference in as many peoples’ lives as I can. Try and let the good things in the world come to light. Every now and then I may post something negative but it is trying to make a positive difference.

This is as good of a world as you want it to be. I choose to try and stay away from the bad things in the world. There really is a lot of good going on out there. I want to enjoy and be as happy as I can. While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy

–Kent

***

Dear Kent,

“While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy”

Classic case of ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’

Who are you trying to convince of your “happy, happy, happy,” happiness?

You or ‘they’? All of ‘they’?

I think you, as do probably 99.99 percent of posters, just seek validation of your self-worth.

All are just ‘chasing likes’.

And this is fine—human nature, as it were.

I have read a lot of your posts on your timeline and your profile.

Sure.

And it seems to me your ‘happy happy happiness’ is primarily just a proselytizing form of sausage wrapped in a saccharine pancake smothered in syrup.

Once again, who are you trying to convince?

You?

Them?

Us?

Does your ‘faith’ require incessant posts requiring the great unwashed mass of the rest of us to “like, type ‘amen’, and share” if we too believe?

I’m actually not sure that I completely discount your sincerity, but it does tax credulity.

Marvelous much.

But you go Bro!

Keep posting your syrupy praises of God, Jesus, and whomever else gives you that happy,happy,happy.

Why the hell not?

Still a free country, eh?

Peace be unto you Kent.

Or perhaps that should have read,

‘Peace is onto you Kent.’

Cheers,     

Lance

***

My friend are you hell bent on trying to make people think you are an arrogant inconsiderate individual that places one under a microscope to disrespect their character coming to a narrow minded hypothesis attempting to destroy or manipulate their actions in such a manner that will somehow give you the feeling of superior intelligence that has no effect or the ability to change the individuals status or manner in which his goal to share and maybe bring a little faith and joy to their likes and beliefs.

Thank you.

I am only trying to stand strong by my spiritual beliefs. Sharing with those that I feel are doing the same. God bless you Lance. Thank you for two things. Bringing attention to others that my self worth and my ability to share my faith with others is of most importance to me.

I want nothing and I give God my Heavenly Father all the Praise and glory. For with out him I nor anyone or anything could be possible or exist. You should get what I have been blessed with.

Yes, you can be happy, happy,happy. Go for it it is a free Country. I truly believe you would have a different perspective on life in general and you can have topics that have a more sense of purpose. You are close what I think of my self is as important to me as what other think also.

I really appreciate your concern. At least you know the content of the majority of my post. This is my purpose to share with and post to my friends that enjoy and appreciate what I have to share. This is Facebook just as you shared your opinion you opened the door where I can share mine.

I hope you are not offended. This is not my intention and it will never be. God bless you Lance thank you for this humbling experience. Remember always give God all the praise and glory. Bless you once again.

–Kent

Dear Kent,

Your response is in serious need of an edit. Allow me to distill it down to the salient points:

  1. Lance is a pompous ass
  2. Lance believes (i.e., Lance has ‘Faith’—joke there for ya Kent) that he is the smartest person in the room.
  3. Kent is trying desperately to hang onto his faith by shit-posting endless memes over-expressing same, even though he freely admits that his intended audience already ‘believe’—preaching to the choir, as it were.
  4. Lance needs to ‘find’ God in order to be happy and have a sense of purpose.
  5. Lance needs to give an imaginary friend all the credit for everything Lance ever does. (I assume this includes both good and bad??)
  6. Lance needs to be blessed, and often, and by someone who knows how.
  7. That about cover it?
  8. You’re welcome

***

Dear Kent,

Lest I forget

I wrote these for you

Added a photo too

Share away!

Make someone’s day!

***

*Death Poetry Day*

He born

He torn

He die

He fry

*The End*

***

A post was once written

No one was smitten

I’d call that fittin’

Shit it was named

Its one claim to fame

Now that’s a damn shame

***

He once wrote a post

Lesser than most

Shit it was called

Comments were stalled

The content was trite

Just didn’t seem right

To waste all my time

Nor even a lime

To drop in my rum

Ho Hum! Ho Hum! Ho Hum!

(The lack of the lime was the least egregious of the sins)

***

A Cunt of a Man called Osteen

Built a Church so very Pristine

But he refused to let in

Those flooded in sin

“Fuck ‘em! They’re way too Unclean.”

“I know y’all love me. You need to get on social media. But First give Harvey-TheHurricane the ol’ heave-ho! God Blesses you, but I don’t. Move along. We’re closed.”
–Joel Osteen

“My God, they killed them all!”

Here comes the story of the Hurricane.

Bob Dylan

“WoW! Who would’ve ever thought they’d find me doing God’s work?”
–Lance

***

“Lil Kim’s got the hydrogen bomb”
His news bitch announced in singsong
“He’ll mount it one day
“And launch it your way
“Then smartly fuck off to Hong Kong”
So rong!”

***

There once was a boy name of Kim
Who decided to act on a whim
He launched a big bomb
In the direction of Guam
And that was the ending of him!

***

In a Loon we call Kim Jong-Un
The World sees a silly buffoon
But he put up his Dukes
Oh Fuck me; They’re Nukes!
And The World is now singing new tunes!
(So soon?)

Cheers Kent,

–Lance

***

‘A Celestial North Korea’

Credit: Christopher Hitchens

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A full week has passed

Since Jon GOT that ass

Even Dany GOT pleased

By Crow’s bended knees

And now we must fast for Season The Last

(And That’s The GOTcha)

Bonus Content Below:

The Most Lovely and Captivating and Charmingly Endearing Emilia

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The Iron Throne – Game of Thrones’ AWFUL final episode

Vid Content Cred: Critical Drinker

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