I No Longer Wish to Return To Australia
I’m Stayin’ In Texas Where
The Government Ain’t Insane!
Gone Bat-Shit Crazy!
I Used To Love Australia
(Still Do) But Until They Don’t get Over Their Stupid WuFlu Panic,
I Ain’t Gonna Back
Australia Geography/Australia Country Song:
Cred: Kids Learning Tube
Land Down Yonder
Vid/Music Cred: Men at Work
Olivia Neutron Bomb
Back in ’89 halfway into my last WestPAC (Western Pacific Deployment) bobbing about in the Pacific, onboard the USS Frederick LST 1184, we had already spent much time in Subic Bay, Hong Kong, Guam, Korea, Fuk-Ya-Mama Japan, and possible some other ‘Ornamental’ ports I do not recall.
USS Fred: LST 1184:
Well, we were steaming along in the South Pacific one day when word came down the pike that we had new orders to sail to Sydney.
“But why?” I asked the first ‘Old-Salty-Squiddy’ I could find.
“Some idiots from a tin can (destroyer) dropped a pallet of high explosives on top of the Great Barrier Reef. We have to go retrieve it before shit jumps off. That reef is some kind of fuckin’ national park or something.”
“Who the fuck knows? Who the fuck cares? We get to go to Australia! Australia! In Australia, they still LOVE us. There is this thing they do. It’s called ‘Rent-A-Sailor’ and you’ll see.”
“Hell you talking about? ‘Rent-A-Sailor’?”
“When we dock, there will be tons of women on the pier to greet us. They will all have paid real money to ‘host’ us while we are there. They love us. Maybe ‘cause we saved them from the Japs back in doubya doubya two.”
Hostesses for the Most of Us
“I see your point. Sounds great!”
“Just wait. You’ll see,” he said again breathlessly. I must admit, his excitement was contagious.
Now, do not get me wong (wrong). I love Southern Pacific Eastern ‘Ornamental’ Women and this is well-documented, but I, we, all of us, were in the mood for a female change of scenery. We wanted to see some ‘Round-Eyes.’ And before anyone accuses me of being ‘racist’ you may want to do some research on my blog—this one—and then get back to me.
All that shit spake…
We turned the Freddy Southbound-and-Down toward Sydney. Estimated steaming time to Australia: three days.
We were all very excited.
I Went looking for the ship’s barber to get me gussied up…
To be continued… Here. Y’all hear??