I may be Gored…
And Completely Ignored
(with this stupid post series)
10 Reasons Why Australian Women Are Better Than American Women:
You Know You Are Dating an Australian Woman When:
I am skipping/slipping ahead. And Justen – Case…. yu have not figgered it out, the below is the email. Un edited. Not ‘polished’ As if I ever ‘polish’ any fucking thing…. Well. I polished some Naconas once…
I have lots of ink to spill on Australia, even though I was only there for a couple of weeks.
> Was one week in Sydney
> One week in Cairns
> Met a girl in Sydney.
> This is rated PG.
> Anyway, she came to San Dog ’bout six months after my deployment ended. I showed her the town.
> She was uglier than a home-made mud fence, but me, being ever gracious, when I had met her and she had told me she was coming to America, specifically San Diego, well.
> I told her to keep in touch and I would show her around once she arrived.
> I did. I showed her around, but not to my shipmates…. I had already been mocked enuff by them….
> I just could bring myself to sleep with her.
> Even I have standards.
> I may be a slut.
> But I am slut with standards.
> I did show her a good time though.
> I think she appreciated it, even yet, she never said so.
> And I spent an entire paycheck showing her around town.
> Not that money means anything to me,
> Took her everywhere.
> Seaport Village
> La Jolla
> The Zoo (which was a risk–for her— because she looked like….nevermind)
> Goddamn it!
> She had that “I am entitled air’
> In California, with all the beach babes…. this woman was lucky the Coast Guard did not mistake her for a beached whale and harpoon her in….
> What am I saying?
> Fu*k it!
> I full-filled my promise.
> I never promised to fu*k her.
> Now I am sounding like an asshole.
> I invited a woman to see me in America. I showed her around. I showed her a good time. I spent all my dimes.
> That was all there was to it.
Ed. Note: She could eat corn off the cob thru a picket fence.
Yeah. Her teeth defied all the laws of physics. I (sober then, said to my self… I said
“Self, this bitch ain’t getting them choppers anywhere near my jewels. Nope. Not today. No way. Not Ever Fuckin’ Ever.”
> Sorry. This is stream of conscientious
> I will write More on Australia.
> And if, BIG IF, I put her in, make her famous, I will write her a new face and a new disposition.
> I will use some creative license. I will be a gentleman.
In some other words: I will lie.
> Not too difficult, since it comes so natch to me.
Sailor For Sale or Rent:
Fun Fact: My BEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL High School sweetheart was remotely related to Roger Miller: Fifth Cousin, Eight Removed. But I was impressed. (She knows who she is and if she reads this, I am Fifth Fucked and Eight times removed from life)
Vid Cred: Leanne Albillar
“General Facts and Tips on Dating Australian Women
Have you ever thought about visiting the land of down under and dating a chick from Australia? If not, you should definitely consider this as an option. Aussie girls are known to be laid back, friendly, into sports, ambitious, and accepting. Here are a couple of tips on dating girls from Australia and general facts about Aussie chicks.”
Lance Sez: “Don’t do it. They Will Wreck you and Break Your heart!”