Yeah, The Gnats are Back!
(They Had Flown South For The Winter)
Yet I had expected them much sooner than Today
They Musta Taken A Wrong Turn At Albuquerque
I Had A ‘Welcome Home’ Greeting For ’em
See What A “Nice, Thoughtful” Guy I Am?
Now… where did I put that DDT?
“Bobbie, Reach me the DDT will ya Girl?”
So, I am tryin’ real hard
(Yes it is hard. Hey! Get Yer Mind Outta That Gutter!)
Tryin’ real hard to tone down on the drinkin’.
Poured me a ‘HALF-GLASS’ of booze. Not much more than would fill a hen’s ear–(Now, Y’all know I’m lyin’) into a ‘Normal’ booze glass as opposed to my usual, ‘Barrel Glass Runneth Over.’
Phone started ringing (as it sometimes do)
Set my glass on the counter and waltzed over to pick-up the phone:
“Hello,” I said.
Voice on the line asked,
“Is this Lance Marcom?”
“Might be. Might Not Be. What do you want?”
“Mister Marcom, I am Helga with Corporation Blah, Blah, Blah. Our records indicate you are two months in arrears. When may we expect a payment to your account?”
“Let me get back to you on that. My Fridge is running and I need to go catch it before it escapes.”
Bitch Hung Up On me; Didn’t Even Say “Goodbye”
I Cannot Even Imagine Why
Remembered My ‘Left-All-Alone’ Booze Glass.
Went back to re-capture it and take it hostage for my liver.
Discovered the Gnats were having a Gnat Pool Party in MY DRINK. Doing back-flips, canon balls, and competitive diving off the rim of my glass.
These Are The “New” Gnats.
They Developed Swimming Anatomies
See How Quickly ‘Evolution’ Can Happen?
Gotta Keep Up With ‘Current Events’
Life Always Finds A Way
The Cajones On These Assholes!
I rescued my glass and drank down the booze along with the Fun-Loving Gnats.
“That’ll teach ‘em, by God!”
I said to no one in particular.
“Hey Look At Me… With The DDT”
Shared Vid Cred: benjichilders
Footnote to the Story:
After taking Inventory, Discovered I was Dangerously low-on-Booze.
Needed to go shopping next day.
Gonna go down and shop at
“The Tom Waits Booze Emporium & Bicycle Shoppe”