***PROFANITY Alert*** This One Ain’t ‘Sanitized’–For-Your-Protection “I Want Another Dog (This man don’t need no maid) He ‘needs’ a doggy. Reference Neil below…”

This was my last dog–Fully All-Mine Dog–

Lock, Stock & All Four Paws DOG.

Picked Him From The Litter.

Paid My Money.

Took My Chances and Drove Him Home.

I Named Him


Y’all Should Be Able To Figure Out Why

He Wasn’t Terrible Bright

But I Loved Him Anyway

He Grew Into A Hundred-Thirty Pound

‘Bull-In-A-China-Closet Dog

(He Destroyed Every-Thing He Looked AT)

i.e., He Ran Rampant

We ‘lived’ together in Missouri with some woman.

Her name escapes me.

I think we were married Once.

But I forget her name.

No Matter; She Was Not Important to Me

But The Dog Was

I am lonely and the maids all tell me to fuck the fuck off when I try to invite them in for coffee. Just fucking coffee. That’s all. They got no time. Cannot be bothered.

I need some creature to love me


(If I go to the animal shelter and all the doggies tell me to fuck off–I may have some personal problems that need sorting out, but we ain’t there yet. Thank God)

Two legs or four. No more. I am done with spiders and snakes. I want something cuddly to love me. No more spiders or ants. Ever try to cuddle up to an ant or a spider? Trust me: it never works out as you had envisioned...

I cannot afford to be particular at this point, but I think a dog would do the trick.

Cats good too, but they are not very affectionate.

However, they are very

Low Maintenance.

Kinda like self-cleaning ovens.

Low Maintenance

I Like That in-a-cat


But I want a fuckin’ ‘Toto Too’

“Someplace Where There Isn’t Any trouble”

Cred For Vid Share: MOV Clips


Toto! I love you!

(Dorothy I Love you too—But this ain’t about you–

I Have Already Spilled Enuff Ink On You)

More to come.


Maybe not.

Never find one to replace the ones below….

But a reasonable facsimile…. I’ll settle for second or third best.

That would be groovy.

I disagree Neil!

I want a FUCKIN’ DOG!!

Not a Maid

(A maid’s half-life in my house would be about 20 minutes)

“I fell in love with the actress; she was playing a part I could understand.”

No Shit Neil?!

Been There.

Live There.

Got Lots of T-Shirts


I love you Bro, but some of your lyrics and songs just piss me the fuck off. I suppose some things just don’t ‘age’ well. Not your fault. You used to be cool. Now, yer not. Such is life.

I can certainly relate.

I used to be cool too.

Now, I ain’t.

Wanna join my club?


Your loss, not mine.

But I Would NOT Turn A Maid Away, If She Bravely Showed Up

P.S. I am done with turtles too!

Bonus Bonus Onus, Own Us Bonus!

See? See Link Below. Read it. Weep.

I love all kinds of critters.


(And I will resist the urge to speak of any of my ex-wives—save that for later)

Why Did I Pick This Particular Un-Manageable Breed?

(Dogue de Bordeaux)

Here’s Why:

Cred For Vid Share: rka1010expendable


I Don’t Know Why I Drop This In

At the End

‘Cept That I Love It.

Reason Enough I Guess

“Catch Up Lance!”

Street Cred For Vid Share: EsmaraldaVillaLobos


We Don’t Need

No More Trouble

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