Yeah, I Am Drunken Indeed Pity Party Attendee. WANNA FIGHT? Meet Me Out Back. In The “I am Gonna Fuk U Up Parking Lot” Uh… BTW, Please Never Leave Me Shonnie!

Oh Shite! You Did? Really? Why? Dammnit! “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife: Just Some Last Thoughts & One Sad “Reminisce”–Important Breaking Shit: Er, I Meant, ‘News’

The The Words Around The Camp-Fire Are True!

Too True:

Lance IS a MORON!

Boo-Who?–Who Knew??

Bona-Fide Fact– N/M!

But Lance! Yu Ain’t ‘Bona-Fide!”

“Oh Yes, I Am!

Got The Proper Papers an’ Ever’thang”

My Oddis-sea-You Sea?

Subminimal Messages

To Be Found Within.

And I Am NOT Sorry!

(I Harbor NO Remorse)

Pay Yer Money; Take Yer Chances.


Holy Grail: Run Away!



Run Th’ Fuk AWAY!

“Better To Make A Good Leave Than A Bad Stay”

Cred: Joe Donahue


Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over’ Or… “Happy Fric’n Trails!” P.S. I Broke MY Fan (And MY Fans)–Do not fret; Both Still X-sist–And I Incense–Uh, I Somehow Managed to Fuk That UP!


Cred fer Vid: LiliDVLima

Let’s Get This Out of the Way First:


Do NOT Read Unless You are Already Familiar With The Story from Reading the Original Series.

Skip Ahead to Here:

Author’s Note:

Some of Y’all Faithful Readers… (That is Not Sarcasm. I sincerely appreciate all Y’all who read me and have ‘Read’ me over the years, and tears, and beers)

some of Y’all have probably noticed I have been re-visiting old work and endeavoring to ‘re-work’ same.

I am doing this because a few of the old posts still have value and meaning for me and hopefully for you as well.

Most do not, but there are a handful that do.

“Shonnie”, being one of them.

“Are you going ‘somewhere’ with this Lance?”

Yes. I just wish to inform Y’all that my ‘Current Mission’ is to re-write the entire Shonnie Series. Chapter One is Done. Now only Thirteen to go!”

Someone once told me, “Lance, your ‘Shonnie’ is probably the only ‘real’ writing you have ever done. Most of your other shit is just that:

‘Shit.’ Granted, some of it is entertaining shit, but ‘shit’ it remains. ‘Shonnie’ is the only one that will ever have even a snowflake’s chance in Hell of getting published. Provided you allow a good editor to slice and dice it.”

“Uh… Nice ‘talkin’ to ya. Thanks.”


I killed this Series a few years ago.

Pretty Certain Alcohol was involved.

Anyway, I brought it back, (With the help of Word Press—Thank you WP) if for nothing else, my own edification.

And every word I wrote, everything I recounted, actually happened as written.

(And of course, Youthful Indiscretion…Is Depressin’ it was resurrected because I love Sheryl Crow. And of course, as a vain writer, I just cannot cotton to killing my own words, once dragged out of my mind and put down. Hahahaha! Writers! Y’all know what I mean.)

 Please Bare er, ‘bear’…  with me on this one Y’all.

Time always makes things (memories) better. This is how I cope. As for me and Shonnie, memories are multiplied, ‘super-sized’, if you will.

“I Make The Rules Up As I Go…

The words I wrote of our relationship are all too true. I do hope she never reads those words, as neither she nor I are strong enough to re-live those heady days. This is how life is and I suppose how it should be.

One is young twice, but old only once. ‘Once a Man and Twice a Child’.

And youth makes one do stupid shit based upon that ‘youth’, and then, if lucky, one has a chance for redemption later in life while old and hopefully ‘wise,’ and before that ‘Second Childhood’ kicks in, making one fairly useless, even if still lovable.

(Not religious redemption: human redemption) I do not apologize for my youthful indiscretions. They belong to me alone and I will carry them alone. 

If anyone has it in their head after reading my story of Lance and Shonnie, that I did not truly love her, that I allowed her to set me free for my own self-preservation, that I did not want to fight for her, then you may want to go back and read between the lines a bit.

And with that ‘mini-rant’ spotlight shined into my soul, I leave you with this idealized and fantasized version of what Shonnie meant to me.

(Ms Shonnie’s part played and well-acted by Sheryl Crow.) Yet as good as Sheryl is, she could never be as good to, nor for me, as was Shonnie.


(But, I’d grant her an audition, none-the-less)

It shames me now to admit this but I was, back then, never strong enough to be Shonnie’s man.

Perhaps Now,

I Can Request a

“Do – Over?”


Thought Not!

And, even now, today, I probably still am not.

Strong Enuff


For Shonnie!


Please Never Leave Me! Oh Shite!

(I once drove Her to Vegas—She, Right Then, Fell in-Love W/M!– ‘Nother Long Story… Sure You’ve already read it)

Yu Did? Well Mother-Fuk Me T”

If you are new here and confused, here is the beginning of this little saga: 

Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife

 Go there with my Blessing

And my Sympathy

Cheers! Y’all!

Below You Will Find Most Of The Original Posts. Once / If You Arrive At Thirteen There Are Links To The Final Few Chapters. Please keep in mind however, that each and every one of them is in the process of being rewritten: first to last. This will probably take at least two or three weeks.

UPDATE: The Shonnie Reconstruction Project is Completed.

Please read the new versions.

They are all still truth. Truth expanded. More detail, yada yada yada…

I deleted the links to the original versions.

The links seem to have been confusing.

The new ones are all easily accessible.

3 thoughts on “Yeah, I Am Drunken Indeed Pity Party Attendee. WANNA FIGHT? Meet Me Out Back. In The “I am Gonna Fuk U Up Parking Lot” Uh… BTW, Please Never Leave Me Shonnie!

  1. Lance you are a damn imaginative writer. Where’d you get that from? Mrs Whitley, Mrs Trout? Mrs Fry? naturally from Dr. M?

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