(And NO! Gentle Readers, No One Was Harmed–I Had Planned It That Way!, You See?)

I Often, Too Often…

Felt Like A Mother-Less Child.

I Suppose That is Why I Clung To Madelyn So Tight–She Was The Only One I Trusted

(And Truly Loved)

Up-Date: After Some Exhaustive ‘Research On My Part, I Have Discovered There Ain’t No ‘Statute-Of Limitations (Nor Expectations) On My Part.

Arson is That Gift That Keeps on Givin’.

So, I Just say This–To The Police: “Come At Me Bros, But Be Thee Fore-Warned: I am Armed & And Dangerous

& Crazy

***

I added Some ‘I Love Lucy’ and ‘Speaker Sam’—Bonham. LMFAO! (And Lest I Forget: Ol’ Saint Nick) No Jesus. “Sorry God… Perhaps Next Time. Naw! Never-Mind! Find Some Other Tree To Bark At”

RIP!

Gavin DeGraw – Fire:

*****

After my encounter with the Texas Highway Patrol,

Madelyn’s car and I limped into Bonham–Somewat spittin’ an’ a sputtterin’.

I was spittin’; the car was sputterin’…

(Madelyn was never worth-a-shit at maintaining her vehicle, or me…)

I drove through the ugliest Town Square in Texas and pulled into the alley behind Richard’s Jeans.

Bonham! Gag Me!

The ONLY Saving Grace That Bonham Ever Had, or will Ever Have, is that Sam Rayburn Lived There

(and died there)

But He Wasn’t From There

He Was Born in Kingston, Tennessee

“Speaker Sam”

Sam Rayburn Library and Museum.

Bonham, Texas

*****

Parked the little Maddy Chariot, and ‘prayed’ it would crank when I was ready to depart.

Probably shoulda just left the engine running, but I ain’t all that smart.

Fished the key Madelyn had given me and walked around to the front door of the store.

Surveyed the square—weren’t no one there—was The Fourth of July, as I have said.

Let myself in.

Went back to the back door and let myself out.

Retrieved the lighter fluid from the car and went back inside.

I studied the layout of the store.

Several racks of jeans displayed in the middle of the establishment.

Perfect!

I douched two of them down with the lighter fluid.

Pulled out Maddy’s Zippo

Whoosh!

Beat feet out the back door.

Closed it behind me and then as an after-thought, I kicked it in.

Thinking I wanted this to look like arson.

Stupid decision on my part, looking back…

Anyhow, I jumped into The Lil Chariot.

Turned the ignition.

‘Clik clik clik!’

Shit!

Now, I was properly

FUCKED!

Stuck in the alley-way of a building I had just set to flame!

“Lucy, You got some Splainin’ to do!”

*******

Apparently, this was NEVER said in the Show–

This Revelation, Discovered so Late in My Life,

Has Ruined MY LIFE!

Street Cred for Vid: MoneyBags73

And YES!

I Searched All OVER The Internet!

Could NOT Find a Single Clip–Sound Nor Vid!

Shit!

What’s Next?

There Ain’t No Santa Claus??

Never Was?

And All That Wasted Postage I Mailed To a ‘Dead-Letter’ Box!

And Y’all Wonder Why Lance is an Atheist

********

I jumped out, popped the hood and, finding a piece of pipe lying on the ground, proceeded to beat the hell outta the starter. Slammed the hood.

Got back into the car and tried again.

She cranked right up!

I sped away in a cloud of dust and flying gravel.

Hoping Madelyn would love me so much more.

For Doing So Much More Than I Had Ever Done For Her Before

(If Y’all Don’t Read The Previous Chapters, None of This Will Make Any Sense–

Not That It Does Anyway…)

***

To Be Continued…

*****

Chapter Three:

https://texantales.com/2021/11/08/richards-lame-ass-jeans-chapter-three-highway-patrol-encounter-on-my-way-to-the-scene-of-the-crime/

Chapter Two:

https://texantales.com/2021/11/06/had-to-re-post-this-one-caint-stop-muckin-with-it-added-some-shit-richard-his-lame-ass-jeans-store-chapter-les-deux-my-love-my-sister-my-madelyn/

Chapter One:

https://texantales.com/2021/11/06/this-is-a-work-of-fiction-because-i-do-not-know-if-there-is-a-statute-of-limitations-on-arson-not-any-word-of-this-story-is-true-it-is-all-fiction-that-said-this-is-another-madelyn-lance-tale/

*****

BONUS!

“Down The Road In A Cloud of SMOKE!”

JJ Walker

*****