Please Listen to the Lenny Bit (it is very short)
If You don’t, my Post Just Falls All Apart Right There.
(And I know you do NOT want THAT on Your Conscience)
“Hot Lead Enema”
***
My British Girlfriend is a poker-player.
A real good poker-player.
A really very good poker player.
I am NOT a really very good poker-player.
Just Call Me An “Under-Achiever-Poker-Player”
Basra, Iraq 2006
Craps? Blackjack? Roulette?
Yeah. I shine there.
But poker?
Forget it.
Below, you will discover why.
Here is a transcribed recent not recent conversation, recently not recently transcribed:
“Lance, you’ve been drinking.”
“No I haven’t”
“Yes you have.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because of your ‘tells.’”
“My what?”
“Your ‘tells’.”
“Oh you mean the William’s Brothers?”
“No! I mean your ‘tells’.”
“Huh?”
“You telegraph your state.”
“Texas?”
“No Idiot. You ‘tell’-e-graph your condition.”
“I don’t speak Morse Code.”
*exasperated look*
“Lance, I can ‘tell’ when you’ve been drinking from your ‘tells’”
“Tell me my ‘tells’ so that I may amend them.”
“No fucking way I am telling you your ‘tells’”
“Why not?”
“You just don’t get it do you?”
“Do tell…”
“Fuck you!”
“Okay.”
***
The dog can ‘tell’ too. But he just don’t give-a-shit.
“Bring me a fuckin’ soup bone and I won’t tell.”
***
I threw in the videos below just because I love them.
(They add absolutely nothing germane to the story)
“Ahso Meta-Mook!”
Is this a word? ‘Meta-Mook’?
Kevin Spacey Version
***
The ‘King of Cool’ Version:
“I guess that line forms To the right Babe.“
“Just Like a Sailor”
Ring any bells?