Yes. I Have Been To Australia–Twice. “Rent-One, Buy-One Part Three,” (I Think) Thanks Again to an Erstwhile Friend–For Reminding Me Of This Moldy Old One.

I may be Gored…


And Completely Ignored

Born again,


Begin Anew


(with this stupid post series)



10 Reasons Why Australian Women Are Better Than American Women:

Cred: Charismatics


You Know You Are Dating an Australian Woman When:






Fuckkng yes!

I am skipping/slipping ahead. And Justen – Case…. yu have not figgered it out, the below is the email. Un edited. Not ‘polished’ As if I ever ‘polish’ any fucking thing…. Well. I polished some Naconas once…


I have lots of ink to spill on Australia, even though I was only there for a couple of weeks.

> Was one week in Sydney

> One week in Cairns

> Met a girl in Sydney.

> (TMI?)

> Naw!

> This is rated PG.

> Anyway, she came to San Dog ’bout six months after my deployment ended. I showed her the town.

> She was uglier than a home-made mud fence, but me, being ever gracious, when I had met her and she had told me she was coming to America, specifically San Diego, well.

> I told her to keep in touch and I would show her around once she arrived.

She did.

I did.

> I did. I showed her around, but not to my shipmates…. I had already been mocked enuff by them….

> I just could bring myself to sleep with her.

> Even I have standards.

> I may be a slut.

> But I am slut with standards.

> I did show her a good time though.

> I think she appreciated it, even yet, she never said so.

> And I spent an entire paycheck showing her around town.

> Not that money means anything to me,

> Took her everywhere.

> Seaport Village

> La Jolla

> Coronado

> The Zoo (which was a risk–for her— because she looked like….nevermind)

> but

> Goddamn it!

> She had that “I am entitled air’

> In California, with all the beach babes…. this woman was lucky the Coast Guard did not mistake her for a beached whale and harpoon her in….

> What am I saying?

> Fu*k it!

> I full-filled my promise.

> I never promised to fu*k her.

> Now I am sounding like an  asshole.

> I invited a woman to see me in America. I showed her around. I showed her a good time. I spent all my dimes.

> That was all there was to it.

Ed. Note: She could eat corn off the cob thru a picket fence.

Yeah. Her teeth defied all the laws of physics. I (sober then, said to my self… I said

“Self, this bitch ain’t getting them choppers anywhere near my jewels. Nope. Not today. No way. Not Ever Fuckin’ Ever.”

> Sorry. This is stream of conscientious

> I will write More on Australia.

> And if, BIG IF, I put her in, make her famous, I will write her a new face and a new disposition.

> I will use some creative license. I will be a gentleman.

In some other words: I will lie.

> Not too difficult, since it comes so natch to me.


Sailor For Sale or Rent:

Fifty Cents

Fun Fact: My BEST, MOST BEAUTIFUL High School sweetheart was remotely related to Roger Miller: Fifth Cousin, Eight Removed. But I was impressed. (She knows who she is and if she reads this, I am Fifth Fucked and Eight times removed from life)

Vid Cred: Leanne Albillar


“General Facts and Tips on Dating Australian Women
Australian Girls
Have you ever thought about visiting the land of down under and dating a chick from Australia? If not, you should definitely consider this as an option. Aussie girls are known to be laid back, friendly, into sports, ambitious, and accepting. Here are a couple of tips on dating girls from Australia and general facts about Aussie chicks.”

Lance Sez: “Don’t do it. They Will Wreck you and Break Your heart!”

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