This Post Needs A Brutal Editor. Sadly, I Am Not He. And Yes. The Rumors You Have Heard Are True: Lance Is Insane.

This is Ded-Eye-Cated To A Woman Of Whom I Am Rather Fond, But Who Hates Me (Whew! Dat’s A bold Statement Cowboy) Her Name Begins With An ‘M’ and ends W/An ,,, N/M–No Doxxer Here! Not I. She Won’t read this NEway. “Shonnie The Biker’s Wife VI: Vegas’ ‘Soft Porn’, or ‘Blue Hotel Room’

Dedicated to the One I Love

And The Darkest Hour is Just Before Dawn (Or Mary, or Sue–I am easily Confused—Easily)

Author’s Apology: The Font(s) in this post are WAY Too Large, but WP will NOT Allow Me to FIX This. Once Again, I find me apologizing for the Lame-Azz inadequacy of Word-Press

***

Vid Share Cred: Folk Experience

******

Do NOT Read This With Kids Around!
It is Christmas time
Go Wrap the Presents, or sumthin…
Git Yer Mind Outta My gutter.
I Live There all alone
Merry Christmas

*****

Survey sez:

“Lance, You will be spending Yet Another Christmas All Alone.”

Lance sez, “Well, at least this time I am not in Iraq or Afghanistan or Sinai, and I do trust no one will be shooting at me…. Right?

“Don’t venture out.”

“Okay. Good advice. Thanks.”

“Da nada.”

*******

Shonnie Saga Continues:

Unsuitable for minors and miners, and especially casual diners:

Adult Content

If you find yourself on the

‘Prude Side of the Pew’,

You may want to skip this one.

(And That’s a Joke, Y’all.)

Relax!

Lock your screen if you need to step–away from your computer for a moment.

***

She extinguished her Marlboro and stood up. Nonchalantly dropping her robe onto the floor, she lay back on the bed. Seductively, she brought her left knee half-way to her chin, then turned slightly to face me.

I had to pause for a moment to fill my eyes. Her petite body approached perfection. Very light-skinned, almost cream colored–warm cream–French Vanilla, like for coffee.

She was so silky-smooth-to-my-touch, everywhere I touched.

With smatterings of freckles ‘strategically’ placed here and there, she could best be described as almost ‘Half-Ginger-Cinnamon-Girl’.

With Attitude

Cinnamon Girl

The combination of all her traits nearly made me believe in a God.

No. They Made me Actually Believe in a ‘God-Ess’, specifically ‘Aphrodite’ and her descendants, one of whom I held captive inside a Blue Hotel Room at that very moment in my time.

Yep

‘Aphrodite’

Much more accurate.

And here is why:

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

The Good:

Justice: Aphrodite Always Helped The He who was forever teased and tormented by The She, The She with whom He was hopelessly in love.

Joyful: Because she was the Goddess of Love, she brought joy and laughter to mortals. (‘Weren’t no thang; just a happy collateral side-effect.’)

Beauty: Aphrodite was most Beautiful and Seductive, The Most Beautiful and Seductive, and she brought her ‘beautiful seductive’ to everyone who was lucky / unlucky enough to know her, or only even of her.

(Lucky or Unlucky?) Kinda depended upon one’s frame of reference and the eventual outcome. Your mileage may, or may already have–varied–Contingent upon your age, I suppose)

The Bad:

Treacherous: Aphrodite did not love her husband Hephaestus, so she sought out Ares.

Malicious: In the story of “Aphrodite and Psyche,” Aphrodite heard of Psyche, and jealous of all the attention people paid to Psyche, she summoned her son Eros, and had him put a spell on Psyche, thus ruining her day, and indeed, the rest of her life for that matter.

Jealous: Aphrodite did not want any mortal to be more beautiful than she. And she just would not tolerate it, not even the mention of the possibility of it.

Period.

End of that story.

Greedy: When she saw pretty things, she took them.

And I can attest to the veracity of this. Shonnie, descendant of Aphrodite, found my heart to be a ‘Pretty Thing,’ so she took it. She has never given it back either.

The Beautiful:

“A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words”

Do any of these traits strike you as being vaguely familiar?

Remind you of Someone?

Well they should, if you have been paying attention.

Here’s a Hint:Related by Marriage to a Biker

Not Actually Her: Just A Reasonable Facsimile

(Full Disclosure:  ‘Blond’ is not my usual ‘type’—truly I have always been a ‘semi-tall-brunette-with-a-tan’ man; never had any luck with blonds at all, but then, Shonnie was a different kind of blond, now wasn’t she?)

***

The sun was setting outside the huge hotel window and cast a slight shadow over her. Her hair was still semi-damp and fell down perfectly over her breasts, slightly curling up at the ends. Her right leg was seductively raised up, bent at her knee and turned slightly to the side.

(Yes. Yes! I know! I already mentioned this pose. Please allow me the simple, sinful pleasure of revisiting that image just-one-more-time-in-my-mind. Thank you.)

Her pose thus denied me any direct look at my lustfully desired objective, but I was confident I could find it.

A better scripted scene could not have been created by even Howard Hawks. (Thinking ‘To Have and Have Not’ here—Bogie an’ Bacall).

“Anybody got a match?”

“Yeah, Shonnie & Lance”

***

I continued to draw the scene into my mind, hoping to meld it permanently with my memory cells. Joni began singing “Blue Motel Room” on the boom box.

“You window shoppin’, or are you coming into the store?”

“Into the store,” I said, “I have spied something interesting enough to draw me in.”

I knelt down at the foot of the bed, picked up her right leg and kissed the underside of her foot, then took her big toe into my mouth for a moment or two sucking it; licking it.

Then I began working my way up her calf to the inside of her thighs, ever so slowly back and forth, ‘thigh to thigh’, I suppose you could say.

At this point she was beginning to writhe a bit. I proceeded north and just as ‘Blue Motel Room’ ended, I began.

Tantalizingly slow at first, then faster and faster, then slowly again… occasionally gently sucking her clitoris, alternating with circular tongue motions, also mixed in with rapid back and forth tongue movements.

While Joni sang ‘Song for Sharon’, a rather longish song, I brought Shonnie, by my count, to three or four climaxes. (But what do I know? Well, I WAS THERE, after all, and I felt her contractions in my mouth.)

I was about to lose it myself so I threw my back down beside her, pulling her on top of me. Grasping her so fine, firm little ass.

She suddenly sat bolt upright, straddling me, grabbing my arms and pinning me down. She passionately fucked me with what could almost be described as ‘pure sexual violence’.

(No ‘making love’ in this instance; we had succumbed to our basic ‘animalistic’ instincts!)

Embarrassed to report, but about twenty seconds after I entered her, I was spent. She didn’t complain though. She rolled off of me and lay on her back, both of us panting, sweating, but completely and blissfully sated (and spent)

Joni began singing ‘Refuge Of The Roads’.

***

Another Thinly Veiled Foreshadowing?

Perhaps…

“Another Fuckin’ Song Lance? Really? You’re Wearing us OUT!”

“This one is Important. Very Important!”

“It is Joni’s song, yes.

“But more than that, way much more than that,”

“It is Shonnie’s Song.”

Not requisite that you listen, only requested, but it sure would make-my-day if you did listen. The Words are important.

–Lance said That

“And… if you DO Watch/Listen, you will ‘auto-magically’ be entered into the First-Ever…”

“Texan Tales & Hieroglyphics”

“Give-Away of Free Stuff Lottery”

(Quantity and Quality of Stuff Subject to Availability)

‘Availability’ of money in the author’s bank account.

Good Luck!

***

Shonnie said, “Reach me a cig, will ya Baby?” (First time she had called me ‘Baby’. I loved the way it sounded coming from her slightly course and throaty voice.

I lit two Marlboros at once, ‘Movie Style’, handed one to her. We lay back, smoking and began (between giggles and exchanging ‘We are so great, and proud of us’ looks) a smoke ring competition.

(I lost.)

***

Cigarettes dispatched, Joni run out, silence now, Shonnie once again broached the subject,

“Are you ever gonna show me this town?”

“Yes, I am. Let’s get to it, shall we?”

***

There is Always Gonna Be At Least One Critic:

Previously:

“Shonnie The Biker’s Wife, Part VII: A Crappy Star is Born”

***

Commentary Section From Original Post.

For continuity, please read from the bottom up.

***

27 THOUGHTS ON “SHONNIE THE BIKER’S WIFE, PT VI: VEGAS’ ‘SOFT PORN’, OR ‘BLUE HOTEL ROOM’”

LAMarcom July 22, 2014 at 19:36 Edit

Actually with just a little practice, they are quite easy to produce. Of course it helps a lot if you’re a smoker…

Thanks very much for your visit.

Tony Single July 22, 2014 at 18:33 Edit

I thought smoke rings was something they only did in cartoons? I almost want to take up smoking to see if it can be done in real life!

LAMarcom July 21, 2014 at 17:49 Edit

Hehehe,

Thanks so much.

Cheers,

Lance

NancyTex July 21, 2014 at 08:25 Edit

Total lady-boner material right here. Well done, Lance.

LAMarcom July 16, 2014 at 12:31 Edit

It was, yes, one of those ‘wow’ moments.

😉

Thanks for reading and for the great comment.

Wow!

Cheers,

Lance

LVital7019 July 16, 2014 at 12:25 Edit

HEL-lo! Inaword: Wow. 😉

LAMarcom June 23, 2014 at 19:12 Edit

evil grin *

Thanks Sandra!

Sandra June 23, 2014 at 18:42 Edit

Dang is the AC broken again? No, it’s just Lance telling another story. 😉

LAMarcom June 22, 2014 at 11:12 Edit

Haha! You know, wh@t happens in Vegas… Well, you know.

Thanks Annie for reading my ‘Blue’ Hotel Room.

Cheers,

-Lance

Mad Annie, Bronwyn, Ann June 22, 2014 at 10:58 Edit

I know it is hot in Vegas, but REALLY! LOL

LAMarcom June 22, 2014 at 10:13 Edit

Don’t touch that dial!

🙂

LAMarcom June 22, 2014 at 00:57 Edit

Really?

Money?

Cash money?

Hahaha!

And I spent all that time reading an’ watching ‘Macbeth’

And trying to emulate Shakespeare and Marlowe…

Sadie,

You always make me smile!

My Friend!

🙂

~ Sadie ~ June 22, 2014 at 00:52 Edit

WOW Lance – women pay money for this shit . . . just saying . . . 😉

Looking forward to Part 7!!

LAMarcom June 22, 2014 at 00:23 Edit

And sexy, eh?

Laughing out loud!

Tis a true story, by the way.

Shonnie was just that… sexy.

I miss her!

Anonymous June 22, 2014 at 00:20 Edit

Wow!

Intense!

LAMarcom June 22, 2014 at 00:16 Edit

Sadie, I am just a guy with a desire.

To write.

Thank you.

~ Sadie ~ June 22, 2014 at 00:12 Edit

Lance – I haven’t even read it yet – in the middle of 3 diff things BUT def reading before I go to bed tonight. Just had to tell you when I checked my email & saw the new installment I was all frickin excited dancing in my chair & chanting yay yay yay!!! I have absolutely loved this series of stories. GREAT job in the writing & the execution, keeping us all waiting with bated breath for your nest chapter!!! 🙂

happierheathen June 21, 2014 at 23:44 Edit

My weakest point is, alas, understanding things. But I’m a-hang around just the same because fading away is something I ain’t mastered yet, either.

Keep ’em coming, my friend!

LAMarcom June 21, 2014 at 22:53 Edit

yes.

Frame of ref here, David.

My mind is all over some place.

LAMarcom June 21, 2014 at 22:51 Edit

Happily enuff, It is coming.

After the bliss what was the bliss, that was, Las Vegas.

For us.

(You see? I have to build the bliss, before the remiss.)

Shorely, Certainly, (Shirley?) you, of all people, understand.

The unrequited bliss.

David Scott Moyer June 21, 2014 at 22:43 Edit

Used to be???

happierheathen June 21, 2014 at 22:41 Edit

Oh man, I was looking for the weird and all I got was that Lance got laid. Where’s the weird? I wants the weird! 😀

LAMarcom June 21, 2014 at 22:20 Edit

Most assuredly, the pants.

Loosen ’em up a mite.

Then you will be fine.

With wine.

And thanks for reading.

(Don’t tell anyone I used to be a pervert.)

Please!

Anonymous June 21, 2014 at 22:16 Edit

Whew! Is it hot in here or is it just me yoga pants?

LAMarcom June 21, 2014 at 21:59 Edit

Lee, I thought you had banished me due to my Socialist Lean.

So glad ya didn’t.

Thanks my old good friend!

Keep reading.

It does get ‘weirder’

Lee June 21, 2014 at 21:40 Edit

whew!

Sorry Y’all, But I Love This Movie. Why? Two Reasons: First Date With The HS Sweetheart of My Dreams (Seen in The HG Theater) Second: Because I Am Fascinated By Shakespeare. Any More Questions?

Just once.

For Just one look.

I would walk to the ends of all the deserts in Arabia.

Just for one kiss.

From her.

Skool Down.

I am talking Olivia here.

Not Linda.

Just One More In The Continuing Series:

“All The Women Lance Loves”

Have a Blast.

Work in Progress

Street Cred Vid Share Credit: stumblingChaos

She has such a wonderful, charming laugh.

Take note of how they share the orange juice.

What a lucky bastard, Leonard!

*****

Olivia on the phone with me:

(Wanna Talk Vain Fantasy?)

*****

And Just To Lift Your Spirits:

“O happy dagger,

This is thy sheath.

There rust and let me die.

Whomever posted this really fucked it up with their lame-ass dubbed-in music.

But it was the only clip I could find.

(Give me some time)

I will find a more respectful version

*****

Bonus (Just for fun)

“Do you know it?”
“Every word.”

(Writers inhabit a strange/insane/inane world)

“Writer is he?”

“Did I mention her bosom?”

*******

“Strangely enough, I’m a bit of a writer myself.

Won’t take you long to read it.

I expect you know all the booksellers…”

(Exeunt Stage Left)

Gwyneth, I don’t care that you are bat-shit crazy nuts!

I adore you!

*****

I love the emotions Shakespeare drags out of me…

Kicking and screaming

Claire is so beautiful!

*****

Yeah I know.

I suck at editing.

Wanna come help me out?

(I might even pay you)

Massage My Mind Message (Something Went Horribly Wrong With This Post. Thank You For That WordPress–Ass-Munch)

I Love This Actress!

UBH: Cast of Caricatures

Trust Me, Y’all.

This Post Makes Perfectly Coherent Sense.

(Just Apply Enough Alcohol)

Vera Farmiga:

“Comphy Numb

*****

  1. Sal (Hispanic Marine) Gift of Gab and Excellent Sense of Humor “Sadder than a Midget with a Yo-yo.” His quote. Not mine.

  2. Lydia (Old and Gray and Grizzled Away—but wonderful)

  3. Michael (Big dude. ‘Bout thirty stone.) We called him “Pete”—not sure why

  4. Christine (Bat – shit crazy. And obnoxious. And a bitch–but just for one day. Then she found politeness. And then fit right in with our “in-crowd.”)

  5. Jacob— Junkie—young junkie—Always wearing a Nirvana T-Shirt–nuff said.

  6. Phil—Texan—issues he had—showed up drunk Day One and checked himself in. Not sure how that works, but whatever.

  7. Nino (My ‘Roommate’) Did not like him, but he was there, so, what ever-the fuck-ever.

  8. Kelsey (my favorite ‘broken’ one’—loved her) “Take the Mary Poppins Unbrella and fly the fuck out of town.”

  9. And of course,

  10. Yannah…

  11. “T” I mean, “Ethel, the Pirate’s Daughter.” And cheater at Black Jack (and life in general)

No doxing here.

Whoops!

Too late.

This “Story” is going somewhere.

I just need to line up the cast and crew.

Stand by…

But one last quote from Sal:

“Kids are like little drunk Midgets.”

I promised him I would steal that quote.

Now I have.

Promise fulfilled.

P.S. This piece was more fun to write than it will ever be fun to read.

You realize you have a problem when you laugh at your own jokes.

“Time to seek council Son.”

“I heard you were a drunkard’s drunkard.”

“Never when I’m working!”

“Give me my sin again.”

“You kiss by-the-book.”

(Brook???)

(I LOVE SHAKESPEARE!)

“The one you have not yet written?”

 

And yes! My mind has departed for destinations unknown

***

Fun Vera-Facts:

https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0267812/bio

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vera_Farmiga

Just Some Small Silliness of Mine Inspired By My Good, Great Fellow-Blogger Friend, John Coyote

“Kiss Me Once

Kiss Me Twice

Kiss Me Even Thrice

Then Kiss Me Once Again”

It’s Been Be A Long, Long Time!”

Believe it or don’t

But my Beautiful Mother Used to Sing This Song a Capella while doing the dishes in our white trash Fremont California apartment.

Some of my happiest childhood memories.

Back then, it was just me and Mom against the World

Kitty Kallen

Credit: Kitty Kallen – Topic

***

Respectful Courtesy Link To John’s Post:

Small font, But that is WP For Ya.

Asshole WordPress!

Will Not ‘Allow’ Me to enlarge the Fukking Font!

WHY The Fuck Not?!

Screw it!

Try this!

https://johncoyote.wordpress.com/

Missing Ship’s Movement—Worst ‘Sin’ In The USN. Court Martial Offense. Walk-the-Plank Sentence Immanent

Bon Voyage!

(During ‘War-Time’ Especially.)

Done Deal

You’re Going To Navy Jail!

Warning!

This is a ‘Sea Story’
Albeit, A ‘Rare’ True One
Here Goes!

Better Batten Down Them Hatches!

****

Just to get Y’all ‘In-The-Mood’

Irish Rovers-Drunken Sailor

Cred: Irish Rovers



As We (USS Callaghan, DDG 994)

Were steaming out of San Dog Naval Base
Just beginning our World Cruise, escorting The USS Kitty Hawk
(A ‘Bird Farm—Aircraft Carrier—To ‘No Fuk’ Virginia, Naval Station)

Terminally Related:


As we were just making the turn to La Jolla, we all spied a fishing boat steaming at full speed aiming at our stern.
“WTF?”
Our Skipper slow’d down The Callaghan.
Finally Full stop.
As a matter of fact.


Cap’n Allowed this fishing boat to pull up at our stern.
Fishing boat came up along.


To everyone’s astonishment, some young ‘Squiddy’ (Navy Parlance for A Young idiot fresh out of boot-camp)
Was on-Board

Nathan Evans – There once was a ship that put to sea


With the assistance of us, The Callaghan-Crew, and the fishermen we managed to get the young idiot on-board. Pretty Certain He was still drunk’r Than Cooter Brown
We continued our freshly began voyage.


And Pretty certain ‘Capn’s Mast was in his very near future
.

Turn’s out, our Capt’n was lenient and let him off with just the ‘Blue-Plate Special’

Three months restriction

Reduction in rank

Six days bread an water in the brig

Fun fact, as Ship’s Armorer, I was in charge of the brig. Bad News for him, as Having recently rocked out Of SEAL Training, I did not have a sense of humor when it came to Black-Shoe Naval Idiots

Ref:

***

One-Way Ticket to Palookaville. All Aboard! I Have Been To “Palookaville.” Not Really My Style. I Did NOT Enjoy My Time Spent There

Yessir.

I Have My Ticket

AND

My Boarding Pass

SO FUK OFF AND LEAVE ME BE!

My contribution to Oscar Night

“It was you Charlie.

I coulda been a contender. Instead of a bum.”