Must Re-Re-Re-Post This Be-Cuz I Am Still in ‘Celebration’ MY U.S. NAVY Mode! Added Some Little Bits (Mostly About Sub-Mariners, But Who Cares?) About Them! The Bravest of the Brave. Try Spendin’ Three Months Under Water. See If YOU Survive With Some of Your Sanity Still Alive.

…And I find it ‘timely.’

***

“Dear (fill in the name) I am so sorry we are apart, but you see, I am serving… something, something greater, something important, something, some power, Uh, My ego. See you soon. Love, Lance”

Away from my Homeland.

Yes.

I have.

My Choice.

***

Sometimes in Service of my Country.

Sometimes in Service of Lance.

But, always, always, In Service  of That Great American Dream.

I came home from Iraq in ’09.

Went to Kandahar in ’11.

Came home late ’12.

Guess what?

There is no American Dream no mas.

The Bureaucrats killed it. 

I am a Patriot.

I love my country.

I served my ‘Country’.

But now, I do not recognize my country.

Now, I am leaning to socialism.

This post is but a beginning.

I am not gonna bore y’all with Lenny and Sarah, and bullshit anymore.

I am gonna bore you with reality.

The Reality.

Stay tuned.

For those of Y’all ‘Fraid of the NSA, well, bow out now gracefully. I have no fear, but I am old and have nothing to lose. And to quote Bette Davis: “Fasten Your Seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy night.”

And, Yes! I am not stupid. I do recognize the dichotomy of the diametrically tria-metrically opposed points of the two three FOUR songs I present below for your perusal. You must sort out your own feelings.

Now, some would argue, “Lance is just living in his past; he is craving for the days when Revolution was a real possibility”

Some might say that.

I say, “There is no better time than the present, to take it up; because things now, are really fucked up.”

“Wake up!”

Wake the hell up, America!

My Country!

I love My AMERICA!

I LOVE MY NAVY!!!

Cred For Vid: I cannot Find! Let Us Just Call Him “A Patriot”

I never Cared Much for “Bubble Heads”

Sub-Mariners

But They Were My Navy Brothers!

They Called Surface-Ships ‘Floating Targets’

This Always Pissed me off!

“A Floating ‘Target’ That Can Send a Missile Right Up The Ass of a Camel from Two-Thousand Miles Away

Or Your Ass!

No Remorse!

No Regret!

Just ‘Business’

Navy Business!

My Belov’d USS Callaghan DDG 994–Guided Miss Destroyer of Your Worlds

Catch The arrogant, vain ref?

Did Not think so

Please Allow Me to Help YOU Out:

Ozymandias

My Belov’d USS Callaghan! DDG 994!

We had ‘pointy things’ fore and aft.

Fuck around with us:

Find out!

I truly do.

I truly do LOVE My Country

And all SHE Means to Me

-Lance 

***

“Somethin’s Happin’ Here.”

(And it’s PISSIN’ Me OFF!)

There are people in Gaza: REAL PEOPLE.

Author’s Note:

“I’m Drunk and out of My Mind!”

In Other Words…

“My Mind Has Left The Building”

***

As a brief, probabably racist aside…

(I had family stationed at Pearl Harbor–Back in that Day)

I remember some time we spent on shore leave in “Fuck-Yo-Mama,” Japan-Land.

I was sitting in a bar and some Jap asked me if I was ‘associated’ with the ship tied up to the near pier

I replied to the affirmative

Then this Jap Asshole asked me if my ship carried nuclear weapons.

I said, “Maybe yes. Maybe no, but watch your ass. History has a tendency to repeat.”

He took that as his cue to exit stage left.

And left.

In some hasty haste.

I returned to my almost negated, neglected affectations of my interrupted Saki Expectations

Ressurected Re-Worked Moldy Oldie. And This Post Is All-Over-The Place! A Chocolate MESS! The Revolution is Coming. US (U.S. of Us) ARE FED UP! “I Am Going to Post Some Fresh Shit… Soon, but I like this post…”

…And I find it ‘timely.’

***

“Dear (fill in the name) I am so sorry we are apart, but you see, I am serving… something, something greater, something important, something, some power, Uh, My ego. See you soon. Love, Lance”

Away from my Homeland.

Yes.

I have.

My Choice.

***

Sometimes in Service of my Country.

Sometimes in Service of Lance.

But, always, always, In Service  of That Great American Dream.

I came home from Iraq in ’09.

Went to Kandahar in ’11.

Came home late ’12.

Guess what?

There is no American Dream no mas.

The Bureaucrats killed it. 

I am a Patriot.

I love my country.

I served my ‘Country’.

But now, I do not recognize my country.

Now, I am leaning to socialism.

This post is but a beginning.

I am not gonna bore y’all with Lenny and Sarah, and bullshit anymore.

I am gonna bore you with reality.

The Reality.

Stay tuned.

For those of Y’all ‘Fraid of the NSA, well, bow out now gracefully. I have no fear, but I am old and have nothing to lose. And to quote Bette Davis: “Fasten Your Seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy night.”

And, Yes! I am not stupid. I do recognize the dichotomy of the diametrically tria-metrically opposed points of the two three FOUR songs I present below for your perusal. You must sort out your own feelings.

Now, some would argue, “Lance is just living in his past; he is craving for the days when Revolution was a real possibility”

Some might say that.

I say, “There is no better time than the present, to take it up; because things now, are really fucked up.”

“Wake up!”

Wake the hell up, America!

My Country!

I love My AMERICA!

I LOVE MY NAVY!!!

Cred For Vid: I cannot Find! Let Us Just Call Him “A Patriot”

I never Cared Much for “Bubble Heads”

Sub-Mariners

But They Were My Navy Brothers!

They Called Surface-Shps ‘Floating Targets’

This Always Pissed me off!

“A Floating ‘Target’ That Can Send a Rocket Right Up Your Ass!”

No Remorse!

I truly do.

I truly do LOVE My Country

And all SHE Means to Me

-Lance 

***

“Somethin’s Happin’ Here.”

(And it’s PISSIN’ Me OFF!)

There are people in Gaza: REAL PEOPLE.

Dire Straits…

Don't Drown Lance.
At least one shall miss you.
And your bullshit

Money For Nothing

Vid Cred: mzq88

Vid Cred: Too many to sort out. This Vid is all-over-the place. Fuck it! I suppose I could credit ‘Kenny Rogers and The First Edition’ Yeah. At least I can do that. At the very least… I can do that. Suppose I just did. Yer Welcome Kenny. Only thing you ever did that was worth a fuck

***

Dire Straits…

Y’all.

This is painful.

Because I am a proud veteran and proud of my macho almost Navy SEAL times two service attempts

(At least I showed up—twice)

Y’all,

I come with hat in hand.

Anyone reads me with regularity knows I am an alcoholic.

Pretty much a ‘functioning one’

Yet,

Money management is something I have always sucked at.

But I always maintained a backstop insurance policy.

A woman.

A rich woman.

A women I spent a great deal of my money and time when I worked in Iraq and Afghanistan, flying her all over the world to meet for for R&R’s… Barcelona, Rome, Dubai, London, on and on…

You know her name.

It starts with an R and ends with a…

Never mind.

I have spilt lots of ink on her already.

Point is, she has decided to cut me off in my last hour of need.

Refused  to HBO!

Help a Brother Out!

I will run out of booze and life within half a day.

You know what happens when that happens?

DT Man.

Then I die

Came close to that LAST TIME

I do not wish to go through that agin.

DT Man scares me more than any man

And, trust me, Gentle Reader:

I do not scare easy.

But he scares me.

He is hell-bent to kill me.

If you value me.

Or my work

And enjoy it.

Help me out

Call me

901.212.3039

Email me

lancemarcom781@gmail.com

Help me.

Cheers,

–Lance

LMFAO!

I do hope Y’all Know This is all Tongue-Firmly-Planted-in-My-Cheek

But…

Spare me a dime??

More Shit That is Pissing Me Off Regarding: ‘Broken America’, Or… More ‘CNN Bashing’ & Still Laughing!

Watching Day Two of the Senate Hearings on Afghanistan.

The Gloves have come off today from the Republicans.

They are tearing these ‘Generals’ some new assholes.

They (and Sleepy Uncle Joe) really ‘screwed-the-pooch’ on this one

I am enjoying myself in the watching of them squirm while tryin’ to ‘spin’ the ‘un-spinable’

THESE ASSHOLES LEFT AMERICANS BEHIND!

They Should Be Drawn & Quartered. And Then Set on FIRE!

***

On a Slightly Lighter Note:

Monsieur Le Mark Dice Skewering CNN!

(And a few other of God’s Monumental Creation Fuck Ups)

P.S., I am still in a ‘heated battle’ with The WuFlu. Could go either way…

This may help to explain some of my ‘foul demeanor’–but I doubt it.

“The Future’s Uncertain and The End is Always Near”

–Jim Morrison

“Roadhouse Blues”

Vid Share Cred: JimJohnRayRobby

Have a Happy Day Y’all!

Just for Clarification:

I am an ‘Old-School’ Liberal

But…

These Lib-Assholes Today

WEAR ME THE FUCK OUT!

Woody: One of the Best Ever Amongst Us

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Four: “Homeward Bound”

Semi-Subliminal Message for Lance-The-‘Writer’

Interior of a KAF South Park ‘Port-A-Shitter’ in case you have never ‘experienced’ one

This is the continuation of a transcribed letter/email I sent to my Girlfriend (Isn’t she pretty?) while stuck in Kandahar, Afghanistan

***

1423hrs: South Park DFAC

It was a long and winding road which led me back to South Park home base. As I was trudging along, sweating my ass off, I kept reminding myself of the New Yorker’s directions given to someone looking to get to Texas from NYC:

“Head west until you smell shit. That’s Oklahoma. Go south until you step in it. That’s Texas.”

I found my way back to South Park in similar fashion: Followed my nose to the ‘Poo Pond’ and took a left—ran right into South Park. Easy as Poo Pie.

Poo Pond Song

#1 With A Bullet

Street Cred for Shared Vid: JimmyMisawa

Original Artist Credit:  Music and video by Jimmy Moreland

***

Kandahar the Song

Also #1 With A Bullet

(It was a ‘Foto-Finish’)

“Kandahar the song is about life at Kandahar Air Base in Afghanistan.  Everything was filmed, photographed, recorded and edited at Kandahar (KAF) except the stuff that wasn’t.  Yep, Rocket Attacks, the Poo Pond and reflective belts are a way of life at KAF.  Enjoy”

Street Cred for Vid:  HeySargeUSA Spillane

***

As soon as I got back and kicked yet another Gomer off’n my rack (What’s wrong with these people?), I went to Flight Ops to see if I could fly the hell outta here tomorrow. I’ll tell you what they told me:

“We’ll have to get back to you on that.”

1738hrs: Sitting on my Rack

Shoo’d the Gomes off… again. I sent you an email few minutes ago, telling you my show-time is 0100hrs for my flight back to Dwyer. I believe it’s a Helo this time. They are slower, but it’s a short trip. On Saturday, I could have walked here and gotten to the CAC office same day before they closed.

The computers here have been acting stupid today, so I don’t know if you got my recent posts. Only thing left for me to do is update my time sheet at 1900hrs and eat supper.

I stole a sleeping bag from the Billeting laundry box so I wouldn’t freeze my ass off tonight. (The A/C works really good in this tent starting around midnight). Problem is, not getting to sleep much. I must confess something: I like a routine.

I do much better when I have a routine. You probably would never have guessed that about me.  

Mike!! 

Hopefully will not still be there on Dwyer whenever I get home, but I had no email from Shannon, so I suspect he remains. Shannon surely would have told me if he finally did leave. I would hope so anyway.

Ode To An Asshole:

***

1915hrs: Sitting on my rack

Supper was yummy. Roast pork(?) and a chicken breast. South Park’s population seems to have doubled today. Trying to find a spot to sit in the smoking arena is an exercise in futility. Time for me to leave obviously.

I’m gonna miss this place.

SORTA…

I am really exhausted now. Tomorrow will be another Long Day, but at least at the end of it I’ll be back in my own bed and in my own hooch.

My Classy, Comfy, Cozy, Crib

***

I’m sad right now a little bit ‘cause I have not heard from you. Hopefully a bit later before I depart for the flight line and most likely another long wait to get on yet another bird… I hope they fed the hamsters this time: “Helicopter Hamsters.” Sounds like a song: ‘Muskrat Love…’ (Lance, you need sleep Son)

2020hrs: DFAC

Tried to sleep. Failed. Ideas of what to show you and do with you and to you in Dubai race around in my head and look for a place to rest.

31 July Tuesday 0021hrs: DFAC – Strong coffee

Taster’s Choice instant. ‘Twill serve. Just got off the computer a few minutes ago and had several emails from you. Happy Now. Some dude was very vociferous about some folks taking more than their allotted ten minutes (I’m not guilty of that. Not Much). Anyway, I had to go.

Got a couple hours of death-like sleep until a Billeting Gome woke me up (very politely) tapping me on the shoulder, making sure I knew I was scheduled to fly. I assured him that “Yeah Baby! I’m flying outta here.” My alarm was about to go off, but I’m glad he woke me up just in case it didn’t.

They have the Olympics on TV now here in the DFAC. I had forgotten about them and I suppose they are well underway by now. I do hope Texas brings home a lot of gold this time! Gotta go and grab my ‘kit’. See? I can speak Brit. Heading to the rally point.

Rally Ho!

0315hrs: PAX Terminal KAF

Been successfully herded from South Park.

0348hrs: Taxi Runway

Didn’t even have time to finish my coffee.

Gryphon Airlines exhibited uncharacteristic efficiency today. I did manage to wolf down part of an MRE I had rat-fucked on the 28th. Not on a helo—thought I would be. A/C on this bird no better than the last one.

Waiting to take off… Plane is full and we have two stops before Dwyer. Hopefully I’ll be home in time for DFAC breakfast, but not likely. Oh, plane holds about forty-six in case you’re wondering.

0404hrs: Airborne!

Escape Velocity Breached!

“Once more unto the Breach!”

On our way! Yippee Ki Aye! Captain is female, Michelle. I love her already.

Homeward Bound!

0519hrs: FOB Shindand

Sitting here in Beautiful Shindand. Well, just sittin’ on the plane which is sittin’ on the tarmac in Beautiful Shindand. I have never been to Shindand, so I have no emotions one way or another about Shindand, but apparently I like writing the word ‘Shindand.’

FOB Shindand

Breaking dusk, a C-130 takes off from Shindand Air Base.

***

It is just before sunrise here and this time tomorrow I should be back in MY Gym on MY FOB. But for now, next stop FOB Ferah. Shindand Gomes are boarding now…

While they are settling in, I’d like to tell you more about this airplane. As I said, she seats around forty-six. I am semi-comfortably ensconced in a window seat, seated near-the-rear of this DHC-8-300, aka: ‘Dash Eight’ and we just ‘dashed’ from KAF to here at twenty-thousand feet and I must assume at about 250 mph, but I’d have to verify that with Michelle, or her hamsters.

Here is a Dash Eight that ‘Dashed’ to the Scene of the Crash.

For brevity in the local vernacular: a ‘Dash Crash’

This is an Eight-Hamster plane: two hamsters per propeller which is in accordance with FAA, ‘Fuckin Afghan Aviation’ regulations. Our Flight Attendant, Gail, is going through her spiel again (poorly) and has informed us that

“No one would like to hear the smoke alarm going off (ya think?), so please don’t smoke Schmuck.”

I added the “Schmuck” because I am in charge of this letter and it made me happy to do so. Well, the hamsters are warming up their little legs, so I reckon, we’ll be departing presently. And… in fact we ARE!

I love my Life!

Airborne now and I see the sun just peeking over a mountain—very romantic. Why does Shindan get to have mountains and Dwyer does not? Shindand looks like Aspen on a bad day, and Dwyer looks like Lubbock on any day.

0613hrs: FOB Farah

Gotta get off here briefly. The hamsters will be taking on Hamster Fuel, probably corn, or corn nuts, or whatever it is that fuels hamsters.

0629hrs: FOB Farah

I love this FOB! Well, what little I have seen of it anyway. It is tiny and nestled in some really cool-looking mountains. As we were landing I was watching for the asphalt runway to appear. It didn’t. We landed on a dirt strip. How cool is that? Not my first dirt strip landing but it caught me pleasantly off guard.

FOB Farah

When I first got to Afghanistan, I was hoping to be sent to a small remote FOB such as this, alas, I’ve been stuck at Dwyer for a year.

Now that the hamsters have refueled and I’ve had a taste of my ‘Dream FOB’ nothing left to do but head back to Dwyer, which should begin in a minute or two.

0655hrs: Airborne Again

Gail told us we have thirty-five minutes to Dwyer and I believe her. Shouldn’t get over twelve thousand feet altitude, “And once again, this is a non-smoking flight.”

“Thank you Gail. It’s been at least thirty minutes since I heard that.”

0730hrs: Home

This concludes our Special Broadcast and we now return you to your regularly scheduled emails, already in progress.

It’s good  GREAT to be Home

Shannon ‘Duck’ & Lance

My Good Friend Lady Lucy

***

“There’s no place like home”

“There’s no place like home.”

***

***

Previously:

“Letter From a South Park Jail” Part Three: “Under The/My Bored – Walk

This is the continuation of a transcribed letter/email I sent to my Girlfriend while stuck in Kandahar, Afghanistan.

“Here’s Your Sign(s)”

***

30 July 0426hrs: Rally Point

Waiting on the bus and the Gomer to take us to the Badging Office. This time of day Afghanistan is pleasant—not hot—cool in fact. I tossed and turned all night and did not sleep well at all. I kept thinking about Dubai, well specifically about us in Dubai.

There was no Rockets’ Red Glare last night. So that cannot be used as excuse today for red eyes and sleepy Lance, not that I will be required to provide any, as no one gives two shits about anyone else here.

***

Waitin’ On The Bus

ZZ Top

(Just a Little Ol’ Band from Texas)

“Have Mercy”

***

0452hrs: Briefing

The Briefing was Brief:

“This here’s the van gonna take you. Leaves at zero five hunnert, an’ it’ll leave without ch’all, so doan wander off.”

0523hrs: CAC Badging Office

We’re told to expect to be here all day. Perfect! (At Dwyer last time I had to get a new CAC, I was in and out in thirty minutes max. Shit! But THEY closed that Badging office. Why??)

0630hrs: CAC Badging Office

No sooner than four hours from now…grrrr. Didn’t bring my sunglasses; didn’t bring any snack, “No phone, no pool, no pets; I ain’t got no cigarettes…” This day is gonna suck.

0758hrs: Boardwalk, KAF

Yes, you read that right: 

“BOARDWALK”

I’m sitting at a table drinking a Mocha Frappe purchased from Green Beans Coffee (Think Starbucks) Come to find out, the world famous KAF Boardwalk lies less than one hundred meters from the CAC Badging Office.

Praise The Great White Cat of the River Nile! (Again)

***

Under The Boardwalk

The Drifters

Fun fact: The orig lyric was ‘Under the Boardwalk, we’ll be

making love’

Guess what happened?

The fucking American Puritans made them change the lyric, for mass Radio Distribution.

Sometimes I hate my country.

***

The boardwalk embraces a soccer field but and there appears to also be a hockey court of some kind as well. (No Ice. Duh!)

On the Boardwalk itself are myriad food joints: KFC, Fridays (no booze), Pizza, Juice Bar, Kebab Joint, Convenience Store (called Downtime–If they’re sellin’ ‘downtime‘, I’m buyin’), Trinket Shops, ATT Phone Center, Souvenir Joint, Afghan Bank, Nathan’s Frankfurters, and God knows what else.

Amazing!

I’d heard of this place, but didn’t know it was of this magnitude.

Having a lot of time to kill, I think this will be the place to murder it.

Damn! That mocha thingy was good. I now have a brain freeze.

This is only the third time I have ever had a Frappe. Me! The World Traveler! Ha! Now I’m spoiled. ‘Ruint’ as we say in Texas.

To top that off (my discovery of Le Boardwalk), I ran into my old Filipino Electrician from Iraq days on my way over here. File that in ‘it’s a small world after all’ department.

His name is Hernani and he was, without doubt, my best employee and also a very good friend. I have missed him and it was wonderful to see him again after almost three and a half years.

He has been here at KAF for three years now he tells me. Poor guy has been working all over the Middle East for at least twelve years, sending all his money back to the Philippines to support his wife and family.

Now here is an honorable man. I truly admire and respect him.

Hernani aka “Nani”

One of the Most Honorable Men I have ever been privileged to know

Camp Wolf Anbar Province 2007

***

0907hrs: Boardwalk, KAF

I snuck a couple of photos—not sure on KAF about photography—best to be cautious. I suppose I could just ask, but where would be the fun in that?

Since I was starving to death, I purchased a toasted bagel with cream cheese from a joint called YO Time. The ‘O’ is a clock. Clever.

 The bagel was mediocre, the cream cheese probably made from powder, but it hit my spot and I feel much better. The airfield lies in the direction I’m facing and I’ve been observing various aircraft come and go. So far about half a dozen helos, a couple of Predator Drones, couple of cargo planes, and I swear, I think I saw Air France landing.

Bored Walker

There is a large white blimp suspended overhead. We had these in Iraq. They serve as the Eye in the Sky. ‘Gomer, watch yer ass.’

I forgot to mention that the soccer/hockey field has a jogging track circling it. I may have to try it out for a walk-about, but it is already getting hot and I really don’t want to look like I just ran in front of a fire hose… (I tend to perspire…uh, no… Sweat. A lot, when I’m working out. But that’s OK. People who don’t sweat in the desert die of heat stroke) before I get my ID photo taken.

0959hrs: CAC Badging Office

Decided better return here to see how far I’ve moved up the list: Twelve in front of me now. Looks like they have been knocking out about four per hour. “Warp Speed Mister Zulu!”

1025hrs: Boardwalk

Needed more caffeine—wanted another one of those orgasmic frappes, but my self-discipline kicked in—Diet Coke—Ah! Tasty.

Before I left the badging office, I inquired to the Soldierette behind the counter, “If I have ten in front of me do I have at least an hour?”
She laughed. “Yes Sir. At Least.”

*heavy sigh*

The Boardwalk has really come to life in the past hour. Quite a cosmopolitan crowd here: U.S. Mil, civilians of every stripe, NATO forces, Afghani shop keepers, TCN’s and… Lance. (I deserve my own category—I have worked hard to be certifiable.) It’s disappointing that there are no hockey or football (See, I didn’t say ‘soccer’ this time in deference to my audience) matches going on. Probably that sort of activity happens only at night.

In November.

In The Rain.

After Sundown.

When it’s cool.

***

I discovered this gem which was filmed during the same time I was in Afghanistan.

“I Find TGI Fridays In Afghanistan – Kandahar Boardwalk Tour” – Mike Swick

Mega Thanks to You Tuber OfficialSwick for the share 

***

Anyway folks are walkin’ around the B’Walk stopping here, stoppin’ there, buyin’ food, eatin’ same, shootin’ the shit, cokin’ an’ smokin’ and if I didn’t know better, I’d think I was in Atlantic City.

But I know better…

GOD BLESS THE USO AND THEIR SHOWS!

***

We do have lots of beach here, just no water. And they do sell beer. Non-alcoholic beer. Why even bother? Might as well drink camel piss. Probably could get that too (for medicinal purposes) now that I think on it.

1112hrs: CAC Badging Office

Only three in front of me. I can see the light. Read an article in Stars & Stripes about the casualties of contractors during the rebuilding efforts in Iraq. Finally someone is giving credit to those who died doing this work!

Personally, I lost two friends there in 2007. Not best friends, but friends—killed by a roadside bomb. We were in Anbar Province at the time.

The story cited 719 killed, but the number is probably over one thousand: the USG folks estimate… according to the story. I know the number is much higher even than that.

1151hrs: CAC Badging Office: NEXT

Once saw a buxom brunette wearing a T-Shirt which read, “You can’t be the First, but you can be Next.” (Okay. I stole that line from Larry McMurtry… Please don’t tell him.)

Well, I’m next in line for the CAC’ing Experience. Feels like Christmas Eve.

Sorta.

1242hrs: TGI Fridays

Yep. I’m sitting in a Fridays in Kandahar, Afghanistan. Believe this shit?

Iraq was never like this!

This is almost the Real Deal.

Just need a frosty pint of my favorite Irish Stout to make it so much more Real…

*sigh*

Needless to say I am now the proud owner of a brand new Common Access Card, or CAC. This one is good until 31 July 2013. I am sure you are dying to know what I ordered at Fridays.

Chicken Sandwich.

Gawd!

I must be boring. Well, I am, after all, in training and must treat my body as a temple. I was staring around at the décor here and I must have looked like an idiot because a Gomer wait-person came over and asked if I needed any help.

“No thank you,” I said. “Just never been to the Big City before.” He left, probably certain now that I am an idiot.

After I eat, I must try to find my way back to South Park. This should prove interesting.

Part Four:

***

Previously: