UBH: Cast of Caricatures

  1. Sal (Hispanic Marine) Gift of Gab and Excellent Sense of Humor “Sadder than a Midget with a Yo-yo.” His quote. Not mine.

  2. Lydia (Old and Gray and Grizzled Broad—but wonderful)

  3. Michael (Big dude. ‘Bout thirty stone.) We called him “Pete”—not sure why

  4. Christine (Bat – shit crazy. And obnoxious. And a bitch–but just for one day. Then she found politeness. And then fit right in with our “in-crowd.”)

  5. Jacob— Junkie—young junkie—Always wearing a Nirvana T-Shirt–nuff said.

  6. Phil—Texan—issues he had—showed up drunk Day One and checked himself in. Not sure how that works, but whatever.

  7. Nino (My ‘Roommate’) Did not like him, but he was there, so, what ever-the fuck-ever.

  8. Kelsey (my favorite ‘broken’ one’—loved her) “Take the Mary Poppins Unbrella and fly the fuck out of town.”

  9. And of course, Yannah… “T” I mean, “Ethel, the Pirate’s Daughter.” And cheater at Black Jack (and life in general)

No doxing here.

Whoops!

Too late.

This “Story” is going somewhere.

I just need to line up the cast and crew.

Stand by…

But one last quote from Sal:

“Kids are like little drunk Midgets.”

I promised him I would steal that quote.

Now I have.

Promise fulfilled.

P.S. This piece was more fun to write than it will ever be fun to read.

You realize you have a problem when you laugh at your own jokes.

“Time to seek council Son.”

“I heard you were a drunkard’s drunkard.”

“Never when I’m working!”

“Give me my sin again.”

“You kiss by-the-book.”

(I LOVE SHAKESPEARE!)

 

And yes! My mind has departed for destinations unknown

A UBH Post Continuation Teaser

I met a young broken woman while at Rehab.

(Hell! We were all ‘broken.’ Otherwise how the fuck did WE ALL END UP IN THIS PLACE??)

Let us call her name, “Kelsey” (Because that was probably her name)

Once while KNEE deep in some dark philosophical discussion she looked me dead in my eye and said,

“You can take that Marry Poppins umbrella and fly the fuck outta town.”

Instant Love and Instant Karma.

“Ethel, (The Cambodian) Pirate’s Daughter” seated next to me was not amused by my most recent love lust and infatuation.

But that is how things ‘work’ while in Rehab. Relationships are fleeting and ten-a-penny and not worth a cup of warm spit once one escapes…

Rehab.

Borrowed Karma

The payback and the interest is a mother-fucker.

(Please trust me on this; I know from where I speak)

Now, please, if you please, quietly fuck the fuck off.

“The line forms to the right.”

Internal Lance Voice chimes in:

“Who on Earth do you think you are? A Superstar?”

(“Well Wrong You Are!”)

Faith

Religion.

Specifically: Southern Religion

More specifically: Texan Religion.

I am talking Methodists, Baptists, Church of Chist(ers)—the Entire Gamut of The Faithful.

I love all of Y’all.

No secret: “Lance is an Atheist.”

(This is well-documented.)

However, I do love AND RESPECT

All Folks of Faith.

I just do not roll that way.

Cannot.

But I love the music.

And I love the morality

(I have that too— ‘morality’—I do not need Religion to have that)

I love the culture of Faith.

I never mean to demean anyone of Faith.

My fervent wish is to never offend.

I have too much respect for Folks of Faith.

Too much respect For Fellow Texans,

most of whom are Religious.

(I was going somewhere with this post)

Probably to Hell.

******

Post Script:

I have read ‘The Iliad’

And ‘The Odyssey’

And All The Norsemen—Thor–in particular.

I have read ‘Beowulf’

And The ‘King James Bible.’

All Great Mythology.

All Magnificent Literature.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I know what I’m talking about.

(“One of these days I’ll look back and I’ll say I left in time.”)

More Facebook Philosophy

Dear Facebook Friends:

(Rot-row—here we go again)

“Dear FB Friends,”

I begin again.

I ‘use’ FB to flesh out new ideas for new posts.

Most never come to fruition and most of my FB posts no one ever reads.

Doesn’t matter.

I write them.

Mostly for me.

Writing is generally an exercise in futility (or vanity)

Or Both.

And yet my Facebook stream of consciousness posts often times provide fodder for some ‘real’ posts at Texantales.com

I appreciate (even though I rant and rail sometimes at Facebook for being stupid and sometimes censoring me and being stupid)

Did I say that already, “Stupid?” Mark Chuckle-Berg?

I do appreciate this platform that Facebook provides.

Provides for all of us to share our stories, however how trite and however inane (or in my case, ‘insane’) they may be.

We are privileged to be living in a world where we can talk to EVERYONE in the WORLD with a simple mouse click or a keystroke.

This is magical.

I am so happy to be some small part of this Community.

Thanks in advance for anyone who comments.

And shares your valued opinion.

This is called “Social Media.”

Let us all be social.

And generous.

And civil.

And polite.

And giving.

To those who post thoughtful stuff.

And to those who post not so thoughtful stuff.

We all have souls.

And feelings.

Be kind: Rewind

(Okay, esoteric reference to anyone who has ever spent too much of their paycheck at a Blockbuster’s Video store back-in-the-day)

Stage Four Zero Fucks Given Syndrome

I love becoming Sixty-Three.

I have reached that stage of life whereby I can say what-ever-the-fuck I want to say.

No Consequenes.

No Reprecussions.

No Nada.

(You got some ‘Nada?’—bring it!)

What the hell anyone gonna do to me that has not already been attempted?

I give zero fucks what anyone thinks of me.

This is so….

So…

So…

So Freeing.

I want for nothing.

I desire for nothing.

I need for nothing.

I am happy.

Content.

Saited.

I love who I am.

The rest of you be damned.

And take a one-way ticket to Hell.

And Board The Express Lane.

Put your foot on the gas.

A train possessing  brakes is just not exciting for me.

***********

Added value from a stupid post I posted on Facebook:

Fairly certain, fairly certain, Y’all are wondering what I am ‘into’ today.

“Take your good arm.”

(Or what is left-over of your mind.)

“And just wang it down.”

“Wanging” is good for the Soul. And good for the mind. It is Freedom.

“So, You Want To Be A Writer?”

(Vid Credit: Shea)

“Yes, I do!”

“I write; therefore I am”

–Bastardize quote from Rene Descartes.

Pounding out shit, day after day is sometimes difficult,

but when it ‘flows,’ it is fucking magical.

And worth all the agony.

I love it!

I love it when it ‘works.’

I despise myself when it doesn’t.

But I ‘sailor’ on.

One day at a time.

“Descartes said, “I think, therefore I am.” I say, “I do not think, that is why I exist.”

    –Taisen Deshimaru

Video Credit: EssentialDegnities