Little Fuvkin’ Too Late: Y’all… The Vomit Comments Are The Only Worthy Earthy, Things About This Oldie Post—Jes Sayin’… They Say It’s Your Birthday (and please read/watch this one) It may be my swan song. And Yeah, I Lived In The Middle of-the-fuckin’ East–Don’t Make ME Special—Just Unu

Tomorrow I embrace my Sixty-Third Year.

So what?

I find me asking me of late:

“So… Lance, what have you done?

Vid Credit:


And ‘somewhat’ related: And…Talia Shire Will never, ever look so good. 


(That Beret! That Beret! Cabaret!) 

And of course, not without saying…

Joel Grey.

And Liza…

And Michael York.


And… whatever happened to Jimmy Buffett’s hair??? (I did read his book, “a pirate looks at forty” fifty, sixty??. did not glean anything from it ‘cept that he loves ‘boat-planes’– shit! I could have ‘wrote’ a better book. Jes sayin’…)

My tweet (if I ever tweet) to Jimmy:

Dude, stick to music. That is what you do best. Leave the prose to those who have some prose… to share. And no! I ain’t talking ’bout me, but in general speakin’…)

(See way below for the JB bits)

(and, yes:  Navy SEALs)

Picks up that conversation:

“Not too much,” I must confess.

“But surely you have touched some lives?”

“Yeah, but mostly in a bad way. I did my best in war zones. I was ‘The antithesis’ of the ‘Bad American.’ Other than that, nope.”

“Perhaps you are being too hard on yourself?”

“You really don’t know me, do you?”

“Well… no. Not exactly. This is just a job to me. Go on.”

“I’d rather not, but hey! Thanks for stopping by.”

“I suppose my ‘work’ here is done. Then?”

“Yeah. You may be excused.”

“Thanks, because I am late for my appointment with J-Law.”

“Happy Trails.”

“But you said one thing; got my attention: You said ‘torched’.

“Naw! I said ‘scorched’ There is some difference.”

Vid credit:HistoryRepeats01

And I leave Y’all with this. It fits:

Or, as Mammy (Hattie McDaniel) said, via ‘Gone With The Wind’:

“It just ain’t fittin'”

(She ‘won’ an Oscar for that. Ya surely know) And in her acceptance speech, she said, and I quote: “I sincerely hope I shall always be a credit to my race.” Can you believe she actually felt compelled to say those words? Well, it was 1940… I suppose. 

Lance loves you Mammy (Hattie)

And look up the word ‘class’ in any dictionary. There you will find a photo of Katherine Hepburn.

Oops! I meant Bette Davis (shit! I cannot tell from the vid which one, Kate or Bette–HBO!–help a brother out here. Which one?) Personally, I am gonna go with Kate.   After further review, I am going with Bette.

“Just hold on and suck in.”

Vid Credit:


 Yeah! I always pick the ‘raw’ video. Jus’ me, I suppose.

It was, in fact, my birthday.

Thanks for riding along.

For, there will be Nothing… Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!

Nothing tomorrow.

Cheers. Beers. Jears. Tears.


Namaste Bit:

And if you find a plethora of parenthesis here…They are for my friend, SS and solely for her own edification.

If you care to dare, Here is her link:

But Be Brave

(I was)

Yet…she scares me…

And last and certainly not least….

“We’re gonna let you go.”

I guess “all of the above” rightly sums up my life.

Happy Birthday to me.

I Am A Goddamn Mother-Fuckin PATRIOT! Git Get Over it! WARNING! UPDATE: This Post is All Over The Place!—I am Re-Posting This Becuz I am Vain. And Stupid. And Drunk in Texas. And the Only Good and True Woman I ever Had (HS Sweet-heart) Only Emails Me Once Per Year — On My Fukkin’ b’Day. (The Vid Post is All Fucked-Up And Part 2 Takes Forever To Load–_Please Be Patient

That’s it!–ONLY ON MY B’DAY! And PPL Ponder why I have lost MY MIND!! “Gone With The Bear” – As My Third Wife Referred To it. “Just Hold On And Suck In.” –Mammy– My Girl LOVED GWTW! BOOK, Hook, Crook, Line & Sinker!–MOVIE—ALL OF IT! Chapter and Verse!


Video Compilation Credit: huldr rrr

Best Clip. Ignore The Others

Except the Christine McVie toward the end. That one is requisite!

Video Compilation Credit: Michael and Stephanie Sandberg

Video Compilation Credit: ‘S’ et al.

Frankly, My Dear, I Don’t Give A Fuck”

Worth Your Time (When/If You Have Time)

First time I actually ‘talked’ to her was in her ‘Office’.

(She was a ‘new-hire’ Freshly Pressed with her Ph.D.,– Professor at the University and I was in her Brit Lit Class.)

I had already fallen hopelessly in love with her at this point.

‘One Hundred and One–Pounds of Fun’–Yes. She was Tiny

(She looked Kinda Like ‘Betty-Boop’. But in a good way.

“Gidget Gone Haywire” she referred to herself.

(Those quotes were hers, not mine–See my attraction yet?)

I’ve always been a fool for a good-looking woman with brains.

She instinctively knew this.

So I waltzed into her office...

Ready to profess My Un-Dying Love.

She Picked up a Ping-Pong Like Paddle With the Image of Scarlett O’Hara on it and held it in front of her face.

At this point, I realized I was in way over my head.

(But I somehow managed to marry her anyway.)

Damn! How I miss Her!

And her wit

And her novel way with words

I just miss everything about her… mostly her essence.

Her Efflorescence essence.

God Damn! But I did Love Her!

(Still do, I suppose.)


Bonus to Accentuate My Point:

(Christine has such a rich, deep down dark chocolate voice . I love her)


Just for fun!

“I’m Mad and I’ll not be!”

“I’ve gotta go, but I’ll be back…”


Since he Referenced...

Street Cred for the Vid: littlebrat672




My Relationships with Women have ALWAYS Been


Cred: Avril Lavigne – Complicated


Just for a little levity:

Cred for Vid Compilation: KP2013Rules



Mister Peabody




How to Build a Dyson Sphere – The Ultimate Megastructure

Cred: Kurzgesagt – In a Nutshell

Reflecting Back, I Probably Should Stop Smoking Crack… I Cannot Believe I Actually WroteThis Shite—Let Alone, Published It is A Really Looong Post. El Stupido! Ya Know?! No! LANCE! dON’T dO iT! dON’T rE-pOST iT! (Sorry. Caps Lock Malfunction Junction)

“But I Was Just Searchin’ For My ‘Happy Face / Place. Sorry, But Christmas Won’t Come Early enuff this Year”

Found It Hare/Here!

(Booze Is Helpful Too)

Be Happy & Rejoice!

Git After It Y’all.

Nothin’ But Love For All My Readers–Both Of You!


Lance Old Geezer Happy Face:

This is as Good

as it gets

In j-my Mouse House


“More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”

–A Re-Werked,



Batch Of Shit

That Makes Me HAPPY


Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Up-Coming Season.

Yes! I Am An Atheist!

But I Still Love Christmas!

Please Enjoy This Post Avec Le Videos,.

J’espère Vous Do Yu (VooDoo?

You too? Day-um!

Guess I am Not As Alone as I Thot I was)”


Not To Over-State The Oblivious, vi-we Owe U Us, But This Is A Happy, Upbeat Post I Humbly Submit

As My Early Christmas Gift

To All My Readers.

All Of You:

All Four of You


Hey! Hey! José!

How are You today?


May I See Yer Green Card?

By the way


Credit: José Feliciano

It’s The Time of the Season

For Reason

For Tolerance

For Compassion

Love the too short clip of Liz in this video–

Only Lance Would Notice that slight…

Lots of tits and ass though–

I Like That in a Video( Think I ‘caught a brief, very Brief, Glimpse of Ann Margaret in this Vid, But I should Probably stop drinkin’….

Cred for Vid: andrew91118

And I Shall Always Remain Thankful For What I’ve Got

And Merci Curtis–I Shall Never Grow Weary of This Classic Song. Your Words Have Guided My Life’s Philosophy Ever Since I First Heard Them,

So Many Many Years & Beers & Happy Tears Ago

Cred: Curtis Mayfield

Yeah, I’m A Happy Camper

Credit: Pharrell Williams

Credit: Sam O’Nella



“Marry You So You Don’t Roam”–

Yer Kiddin’, Right?

Vid Share Cred: ILMJXXX


Annie Hall

That’s All!

“And That’s All I’m Gonna Say About That.”

(Thank You Forrest; You May Go Now)

“Annie, talk to them. You speak shellfish.”

You gots to be mo’ careful



Crab Lady

Cred for Share: K. Antoinette


Born in Arizona; Moved To Oklahoma…. Wait! Whaaat???

Street Cred: SNL


Egyptian: Walk This Way


Cred: The Bangles

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Two More Bottles Of Wine

Cred for Vid Share: Ultimatekaya

Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!)


Martians Are Summoning Me!

“Linda, You got Some ‘Splaining to do”

Cred For vid: John Prine

Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind.

(I can certainly relate)

One More From Beautifully Lovely Emmylou:

Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight 

(Volume is Borked–Crank This One Y’all)

Cred for Vid Share: TopPop

Best lyric from this song:
“It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.”

Or this one: “There ain’t no way to stop the water”

(It’s a ‘photo finish.’)

Such a wonderful song. I love you Emmylou!


Best Movie to Come Out Of The Nineties?


All Signs Point To


Oh Hell Yes!

Cred for Vid Clip Share: manetaki


King Arthur’s Footnote:

I “Lift” A Lot From The Inner-Webs

But I am No Thief.

I ALWAYS Endeavor to CRED

(Unless it isn’t blatantly obvious–yet even then… I try to do it–Someone took the time and the bandwidth to bother to upload it. And I appreciate that)

Whenever I can and can Find The Time, I cred, and if I don’t have the time at that moment, I come back. Always.

If I push that Back, I come back until Later and Fix any Over-Sight/Slight

Thank You

This point is Important to Me.

It is a simple matter of respect for T

he Work of Others who Do My Heavy Lifting for Me

That’s all.


Aretha Franklin – Respect [1967]

Street Cred for Vid: TatanBrown

This Boat Is Sinking. Ladies & Gents… When Will I Ever Learn To Keep My Big Mouth Shut? Never Ever? OK; I’m Good With That.

There is no thumbnail below.

I cannot fix it.

Just trust me.

It is Annie.

(OK, I ‘fixed’ it)

No More “I Love Yous”

Fuck You If You Send Me an “I Love You”

“You don’t know what I fear.”

(How could you???)

MY “Hood:”

Immediately after I was delivered to my front porch from UBH, I boarded my little Chariot and went to the Beer Store.

I did NOT fall off the wagon.

I jumped.

Then,  Just for fun,  I called in an air-strike to finish her off.



No more wagon!

Flash Forward to present day:

I am struggling.

The Rehab did not ‘rehabilitate’ me.

It just allowed me to ‘dry out’ for a week.

(I needed the break)

But now, I find me back in that same old familiar place.

Dodging the DT Monster.

Dodging me.

Making excuses.

Telling the two-and-a-half friends I have left:

“I am sorry.”

Perhaps I will die soon.


There is an Election Coming  Up!

And I would not miss that for all the Rum In Jamaica.


There are too many women.

Too many women I am currently in love … with

Annie Lennox Being Very Close to The Very Top of My “Lust-After” Hit Parade:

“So many monsters”


Lance Loves Women!

All women.

All kinds of women


Redemption Song–I’ll Edit/Expand This Bitch Later, Maybe/Not Likely. Sorry–Not Sorry: Never Truly ‘Sorry’ For All The Horrible Things I’ve Done…

Annie! Speak To Me!

How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You,

I’m Sorry For The Things I’ve Done?

I feel no NEED to Hit You Over-The-Head With A Hammer–Just Watch The Fucking Video!

Why? Why The Fuck Not?

What Else You Got To Do With Your Dime?

I am in-Love W/Annie Lennox–

If That isn’t Obvious, Yu ARE A Stupid Moron/Idiot

May we discuss ‘redemption?’
Of course we can.
This is MY post.
As both of y’all know, I am an atheist.
That is really beside the pint.
I have a soul
And it is soulful
I just do not believe in God.
Or the Giant Spaghetti Monster In The Sky
At some point, I learned to read.
My bad
However comma
I do possess morals.
I know right from wrong, (or wong—or Wu-Flu—Ok, that is probably racist)
Do not CARE!
Moving on…
Things are fucked up in ‘Murica’ right now.
I am not sure we can fix us, the U. S. of Us.
We are broken.
I have never feared for my country more than now.
What to do?
I have no clue.
Guess we will just have to ride this one out.

For now.

Take Good Care.
Stay Strong.
Carry On
Peace Be With You
(Okay; I am fresh outta clichés)

You feel me?
Peace and Happiness.
We will survive this.

Is a promise.

Or Perhaps

A Premise.

Not sure I know anymore.

The difference.

No matter.

I am weeping for what is left of my Country right now,

But I am on the back Nine of life, so I will not be around to witness Her Demise.

I suppose that is some happy, not fake, news.

Lance Out
Thank You.
Drive Through.


Added Value Found Below.

Just one more little bit of “Added Value.”

“Lance, Just Go Shoot Yourself. In the Head. Twice. And Try Not to Miss This Time.”



Re-Visit This One Y’all.

It is Crzy Awesome!

The Vids! The Vids! The Vids!

Ignore My Bloviatin’ Prose!

Please Watch The Videos!

Lance! Go Screw Yerself!


Author’s Note and Warning

How I hear my “inner post Voice”:

Or, if you prefer,

“Clang Clang Clang Went My Folly”

Maybe THIS Version Won’t


Three Frickin’ Decades To Load!

Here’s to Hopin’!

Hollywood Killed Judy With Drugs

“They Killed Judy!”


My Daddy, Dr. Ralph A. Marcom,

once said something incredible stupid to me. Actually it was more of a lament.

He was just thinking out loud, I suppose.

I was knee – deep in my rehearsals with Sister Madelyn, getting ready to perform “The Sound of Music” — read about that somewhere else in these pages. Anyway, he said to me, or asked me: “Why don’t kids ever get together and say, “Let’s put on a show?”

I said, “Daddy, ‘Summer – Stock’ was just a fantasy. No one ever lived that.”

I think that was the beginning of the ending of my relationship, my good one, with my father.

Summer Stock, Le Trailer:

Vid Cred: Panos Golfis

Vid Cred: pokeahugkiss

Street Cred for Vid: kherrick90

Hooray For Hollywood!


I May Be Mistaken,

But I Think All The Broads In This Vid

Are The Same Broad:

Christina Aguilera

All Tongue-in-Cheek! I love it!

Credit: TOPPOP: Star sisters

“Any barmaid can be a star-made”


Hey Film Buffs!
This (Below) is Required Watching!

Right On!

Spot On!

Dead On!

Thank YOU! Critical Drinker Man!

You Nailed My Same Same Sentiment!

Visit Crit Drinker Here Below:

The Genesis of all this Bullshit:


And No!
I also did NOT watch ‘The Oscars’ on My Tee-Vee Either.

I had Something Better to Do!

Like Picking The Lint Outta My Belly-Button.

(Which Was More Gratifying & Satisfying)


Golden Age
Lost Now–Magic Has Gone
Never Get It Back
That Ship Has Sailed
Missing Somewhere Over That Recent Rainbow…

My father used to tell a great story about some university asshole who was trying to impress him:

Dude said,

“The reason Wizard of Oz was in Black and White was because in the beginning, 1939, they really did not have color film.”

Daddy replied, “That is fascinating. I suppose when Dorothy got back to Kansas, they had lost that technology, as it went back to black and white.”

Come On!

Get Happy!!

What a Dame!

Judy! Judy! Judy!


There definitely ain’t nothin’ like a dame


No Business Like Show Business….
Adding-dumb Dumb da Dumb

(I miss my Daddy; He loved Old Movies)

“What’s The Difference? We’re All Theater”




(Bring Your Own Dresses)

Of course the Andrews Sisters Inter-text did not escape me.

It’s Silly and Stupid

(But Rather Endearing) :


I love My Oh So Rich American Culture–I Ain’t Rich, but surely you know what I mean.

I love my excesses

Bring your own dresses


Am I gay?


No Way!

I don’t Play that way.

(I just Color outside the lines.)