Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I?

“I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.”

― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods

(Ed. Note: This Post has kinda Gone off the Rails & morph’d into an Annie Lennox bit)

Sorry. Not Sorry.

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In most things Politic, I list heavily to Starboard.
But at other times I list slightly to Port.

My Ship Never straddles

The ‘Safe’ Middle.

I am ‘Complicated.’ As are all ‘Thinking People.’

I am delirious with pain right now.

Ignore me.
Wish I had some of the ‘good’ drugs…

Ed. Note: I know I have promised BOTH of My Faithful Readers to write some longer, better, substantial Shit,
But
This Screwed-up neck of mine, along with the accompanying pain makes it almost unbearable to bend over this
‘IBM Selectric’ Typewriter

C’est Moi!

for more than a few minutes at a time.

Now, returning to the subject meat of this matter,

(“More Matter, Less Art.”–Thank you Gertrude)

Was there a ‘subject’ ??
Oh Yeah.
Right vs. Left
Spy vs. Spy
Yin vs. Yang
Peas vs. Carrots
Madness

*****

My Adventure in trying to get published:

****

Footnote:

I forgot I had left a glass of wine in the ‘head’ (Navy parlance for ‘Bathroom’); now I have a platoon of

Drunken Gnats

to add to my list of shit I must deal with.

Cheers Y’all!

PS
I just drop this in because this is MY Blog
And I like it.
So THERE!

(The Title…and the lyrics, are Slightly Germane and suit my narrative just fine)

And I find Annie extremely attractive

With or without makeup.

(Especially without her makeup!)

She’s a fucking Barbie Doll

Create your own fantasy; leave me to mine.

“This boat is sinking. Some things are better left unsaid…”

“You don’t know what I fear.”

“I used to be Lunatic”

I got better…

***

No one will get this far, but I deposit it anyway:

Shared Street Cred Vid: ggarlick46

*****

Bonus Super-Duper:

Thanks to Kevin Bacon & kingofkungfu2002 for the share

Yeah, I Am in My Second Childhood—Meep Meep

Flashback: Circa ’68.
No longer a child.

Not yet a man.

But I loved watching Road-Runner and Wile E. Coyote.

Every Saturday morning one could find me firmly ensconced in front of Mom’s and mine little B/W TV.

Watching RR & Coyote.
And laughing my ass off!

I was easily entertained—Had not yet developed my Cynicism.

Nor Discovered the Magical Nature of Girls

I planned my week around watching those two.
So now I am doing it again.
Only difference is… Internet—Watch whenever I want—For as long as I want.

(Not good, as I have substance abuse issues)

As I said:

‘Second Childhood’

Meep! Meep!

*****

Bonus ‘Added Value’ :

Flash Forward to the 90’s:

(Cartoons Kinda Changed)


Credit: The Legendary Joe Cartoon

******

“Once a Man and twice a Child.”

Credit Card Companies PISS Me OFF

Song Credit: Dick Feller

Recent email to me:

“Lance, thank you from Capital One. You’re invited to pre-qualify for auto financing with no impact to your credit score.”

Since when do Credit Card Companies think they are allowed to be on ‘First-Name Basis’ with me?

I wrote their Customer Service Back:

“Hey Cap! Come to Commerce.
We’ll do lunch and then go on a Bar Crawl.”

Next statement, I ‘Discovered’—Pun intended—Cap One had raised my interest rate.

Fuk ALL CC Companies.

*******

Bonus Added Value (Kinda – Sorta Related)

Best Way To ‘Use’ Credit Cards:

Max ‘em out on Shiny Toys.

Then Never Pay The Bill.

Worked for Me.

After Seven Years, You Get a ‘Reset.’

And they start sending you CC Offers Again.

Rinse & Repeat

(Yeah, Larceny Runs in My Veins)

Gnat Pool Party

So, I am tryin’ real hard (Yes it is hard. Hey! Get Yer Mind Outta That Gutter!)

Tryin’ real hard to tone down on the drinkin’.

Poured me a ‘HALF-GLASS’ of wine, (Not much more than would fill a hen’s ear) into a ‘Normal’ wine glass as opposed to my usual, ‘Barrel Glass Runneth Over.’

NE-Way….

Phone started ringing (as it sometimes do)

Set my glass on the counter and waltzed over to pick-up the phone:

“Hello,” I said.

Voice on the line asked,

“Is this Lance Marcom?”

“Might be. What do you want?”

“Mister Marcom, I am Helga with Corporation Blah, Blah, Blah. Our records indicate you are two months in arrears. When may we expect a payment to your account?”

“Let me get back to you on that.

My Fridge is running and I need to go catch it before it escapes.
Bye now.”

*Click*

Remembered my ‘Left-all-alone’ wine glass.

Went back to re-capture it and take it hostage for my liver.

Discovered the Gnats were having a Gnat Pool Party in MY POOL. Doing back-flips, canon balls, and competitive diving off the rim of my glass.

I rescued my glass and drank down the wine along with the Fun-Loving Gnats.

“That’ll teach ‘em, by God!”
I said to no one in particular.

*****

Theme Song:

Shared Vid Cred: benjichilders

*****

Footnote to the Story:

After taking Inventory, Discovered I was Dangerously low-on-Booze.

Needed to go shopping next day.

Gonna go down and shop at

“The Tom Waits Booze Emporium & Bicycle Shoppe”

Cheers Y’all!

The La Mesa Yankee Girl In King Lance’s Court (From Connecticut) Work-In-Progress… *Apologies to Mark Twain*

A very long TT&H Project I am working on:

“KAREN, The Only Non-Texan Girl I Ever Loved”

(Working Title)

OK. That’s a Bullshit Lie.

But it Looked Good to Me In Print.

So I’m gonna run with it.

*****

Just need to wait for her to send me the photo records…


“Dear Karen,
I have a favor to ask:
Would you please email me any and all photos of us together?
(All Mine perished in a fire—that my last Wife started)
I am working on a blog story.
Don’t worry.
I am respectful.
It will be very flattering to you.
Because I did love you once.
(Probably still do)
But you weren’t no Texan.

Video credit: patgree


I forgave you that however.
Thanks in advance, -Lance.”


She emailed me back:


“I can and will. Give me a few days, I’m not at home at the moment.
I do get the just. (Pretty sure she meant ‘Gist’, but English was never her strong suit–she had ‘other talents.’) So a favor back, do I get to read what you are writing?”

I replied,


“Of course you do. The post is gonna be all about you.

And how I truly did love you.

Smoke that!

Ponder it.

You silly Gurl! I still love you.

Below is how I remember you:”

Street Vid Cred: catman916

*****

Oh And BTW,

Where the Fuck is “Ipanema?”

Car Shield? No Deal!

Y’all know I watch way too much CNN.

Ten Minuets of ‘News’ and Fifty Minuets of Obnoxious Commercials.

Every Hour.

Day after Day.

Every Day!

Above is one of the worst.

I dialed up Car Shield:

“Hey Car Shield! I want to Board Your Gravy Train!”

“Sure. We are here for you. But first, we require some info.”

“Watcha need?”

“Just some personal info (Which we will never share, nor sell.”)

“OK . What then?”

“Next of kin. First Born. Mother’s Maiden Name. You know. The Usual.”

“Alright. Here ya go.”

“Oh, and one last thing.”

“Yes?”

“A Photo of the Current Condition your vehicle is in.”

“Certainly. Let me hang up so that I may email you a photo.”

I emailed them my photo:

They never called me back.

Cannot imagine why…

So Fuck it!

I called up Flo

(We on ‘First Name Basis’)

“Hey Flo! How’s it go?”

“I love you Lance! How may I help you today?”

“Just hold me.”

“OK.”

*****

Added More Flow To My Flo:

********

Germane: