I Need to Rent A Life! (Or Maybe Just Another Wife) Just Want One More Life–A “Do-OVer–” That is all I want! Too Much to Ask? “Example Of How I Tempt Fate With My Abusive Muse”

She is so Lovely, Endearing, When She’s Mad

I cannot resist.

Because I am a Simple-Minded, Stupid Son-of-a-Bitch Dumb-Ass Sailor.

Apropos and Poignant Songs For Our Current Current.

(But ‘Don’t Let It Bring You Down’—‘Sorry Neil’)

Y’all Know I am Ninety Percent Positive and Upbeat.

So, My Mood WILL Improve with just a little ‘liquid propulsion.’

“Hey Muse! Reach Me A Beer! I am a Man Indeed in Need!”

MS Muse saunters over, smacks the shit outta Me, Up-Side My Head, then says,

“That is all what you ‘Need.’ Now get back to work and STOP SHIT-POSTING.”

(Guess I will be fetching my own beers from now on.)

“Dogs Eat Dogs. Cats Eat Rats. Rats Eat Roaches. Big Fish Eat Smaller Fishes,

But Humans Eat Earth,

And Shit Her Out.

Then Just Walk Away.

(Please Watch this one—it does not end when you think it should end)

I LOVE you Joni!

Artifice, brutality, and innocence

“The Perfect Girl: She Is All That Matters”

Lord Knows, I Have Had A Few

“Keep The Drinks Comin’ Girl, ’till I can’t Feel Anything.”

Fun Fact (Justin Case You Missed It) :

Joni Is The Soldier In The Video.

Shallow, Empty Lives, Devoid of Substance (But at Least We Retain Our Shiny Toys)

BONUS TRACK:

All these songs belong to Joni

(But Y’all knew that already)

Yep. I stole them.

But Joni and I are ‘tight’–She forgives me.

There is one exception:

The one I stole from Neil Young

Gentle Readers:

If Y’all Frequent My Blog It Helps if You are a ‘Joni Fan.’

Just sayin’.

*******

Just for Convenience, and out of respect and fondness for my Readers,

I drop in this Lancelot, Secret Chimp

Missing Link

To ‘Abusive Muse’

************

Just stop and say “Hello in There” ever’ once in a while.

(But not to me: I am an asshole)

WoW! She Amazes Me! Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?” I May Have Lost My Feeble Sanity!

I May Have Lost My Feeble Mind

Vid Compile Cred: Funny Fancy

It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’

I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.
Okay?

*****

I Can Relate:

Never Hesitate

Too Many Daze

B4 I Wake Up

She Invades My Mind

*****

Bonus Track.

Don’t Even Ask Why.

Cred for Vid: Chadman2000

Did I Actually Write This Shite? I Need to be taken out back and shot. In The Head. Five Times. “Linda & Lance Go To Mars”

(And They Lived Happily Ever After) I’m an Asshole! I Cannot Help it! I Have Strong Opinions. Be They Right or Be They Wrong, They’re Mine. I Own Them. Lock-Stock & Two Barrels—Better Watch Yer Ass!

‘Cause I’m Scrazy-Crazy

****

The Life and Tragic Ending of Linda McCartney

Makes Me So Sad

I Did Love Her

This Bullshit Vid Below

NOt Very good,

But it is the Only One I could Find

At the present time.

I Was in Love With Her Ever Since “Wings Wild Life”

Shit! I’m lyin—I was in love with her way before that!

“Some People Never Know”

I’d Like to Believe

That I Know

(Paul Did Not Truly Love Her)

But Her Untimely Death Really Fucked Up His Mind.

Lovely Linda:

Maybe He Truly Did Love Her

Who Couldn’t?

Wouldn’t

Cred: BeatlesWives

*****

Just Another Day???

Cred for Vid: Bertierocks1

****

Really?

Fuck You Paul!

You Never Knew What A Treasure You Had Been Blessed to Have

And Then Yu Got Re-Married to Some Slut in Yer Old Age–

Defiling the Memory of Linda!

U Worthless Cunt!

****

YeaH!

I BURIED THE FUCKING LEEED.

This vid below is the entire point of this pointless post:

Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post:

“I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:

At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time.

Thank you Johnny:  My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The Old HG Daze”.

Thank you Johnny. You have brought joy back into my life.

Joy was missing in action.

Now she has returned.

“Welcome back Joy. I have missed you.”

(Muse sitting on the ‘Nasty Couch’ looks up and glares at me)

I am sincere in this statement .

You have not  an idea.

But actually, I’d wager you do.

“Linda Went to Mars.”

And Lance was on that same spaceship….

We were shit-mates

Me and Linda.

And we ENJOYED  the ride.

We did not so much enjoy our “arrival”

You see…

Life is all about the “journey”

Never about the final destination arrival.

Very much so

MERRY  CHRISTMAS”

Oh shit!

I made an esoteric reference

Here is the link:

Shit that makes me happy

Added value:

(I Absolutely LOVE Judy Garland!) I am Way Too Over-proud of this post: It Too Well Illustrates/Expresses My Patriotism! Please Endeavor to Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive! I Love My Country! She Can Have My Life. If She Needs It. (I’m Not Really Usefully Using It Right Now; Nor Really Fond of it Anyhow. Meow.)

Hey Lib-Tards! Oh! I’m So Fukkin’ Sorry For Lovin’ And Servin’ The Country I Love So Fuckin; Much! Why The Fuck Do You Think I Enlisted in The US Fuckin’ Navy? Sure! Some of it was My Ego! I Thought I Could Become a Fuckin’ NAVY FUCKIN’ SEAL

Guess What? That did Not Work Out For Me! Fuckin’ Twice! Did I blame Anyone But Me? Of Course Not! (Wow! there’s too mucho mas profanity in this post! But! I am fuckin’ Sailor! Ignore or block me!)

I Love My Country

My B’loved First Ship/Home:

POSITIVE!

CRED FOR BELOW: MISTER Coffey Anderson

I LOVE MY AMERICA!

CRED For Below: Monsieur LEE GREENWOOD

Author’s Note and Warning

How I hear my “inner post Voice”:

Or, if you prefer,

“Clang Clang Clang Went My Folly”

Maybe THIS Version Won’t

Take

Three Fuckin’ Decades To Load!

Here’s to Hopin’!

My Daddy, Ralph A. Marcom, Short-Time Drill-Sergeant–USMC Veteran–Korea

once said something incredible stupid to me. Actually it was more of a lament.

He was just thinking out loud, I suppose.

I was knee – deep in my rehearsals with Sister Madelyn, getting ready to perform “The Sound of Music” — read about that somewhere else in these pages. Anyway, he said to me, or asked me: “Why don’t kids ever get together and say, “Let’s put on a show?”

I said, “Daddy, ‘Summer – Stock’ was just a fantasy. No one ever lived that.”

I think that was the beginning of the ending of my relationship, my good one, with my father.

Summer Stock, Le Trailer:

Vid Cred: Panos Golfis

Vid Cred: pokeahugkiss

Street Cred for Vid: kherrick90

Credit: TOPPOP: Star sisters

“Any barmaid can be a star-made”

*******

Hey Film Buffs!
This (Below) is Required Watching!

Right On!

Spot On!

Dead On!

Thank YOU! Critical Drinker Man!

You Nailed My Same Same Sentiment!

Visit Crit Drinker Here Below:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSJPFQdZwrOutnmSFYtbstA

The Genesis of all this Bullshit:

*****

And No!
I also did NOT watch ‘The Oscars’ on My Tee-Vee Either.

I had Something Better to Do!

Like Picking The Lint Outta My Belly-Button.

(Which Was More Gratifying & Satisfying)

******

Golden Age
Lost Now–Magic Has Gone
Never Get It Back
That Ship Has Sailed
Out-of-Sight
Missing Somewhere Over That Recent Rainbow…

My father used to tell a great story about some university asshole who was trying to impress him:

Dude said,

“The reason Wizard of Oz was in Black and White was because in the beginning, 1939, they really did not have color film.”

Daddy replied, “That is fascinating. I suppose when Dorothy got back to Kansas, they had lost that technology, as it went back to black and white.”

Come On!

Get Happy!!

What a Dame!

Judy! Judy! Judy!


There definitely ain’t nothin’ like a dame

******

No Business Like Show Business….
Adding-dumb Dumb da Dumb

(I miss my Daddy; He loved Old Movies)

******

Bonus’esses

Excesses???

(Bring Your Own Dresses)

Of course the Andrews Sisters Inter-text did not escape me.

It’s Silly and Stupid

(But Rather Endearing) :

*****

I love My Oh So Rich American Culture–I Ain’t Rich, but surely you know what I mean.

I love my excesses

Bring your own dresses

*****

Am I gay?

No!

No Way!

I don’t Play that way.

(I just Color outside the lines.)

Well At Least I Showed Up. Twice! — “Running In Soft Sand: Intro”

Since I seem to still be in

“Military Madness Mode”

Surf Passage:

So Much

FUN!

*****

We Called This Below,

The “Budweiser”

Because We Had A Sense Of Humor

IF You Got Caught With One Of These Uniform Pins While Still In Training….

God Will Not Save You

Just Ask My Roommate From Class One-Forty

I Think The BUD/s Instructors Properly Disposed of His Body

(It was Never Found)

This Bud’s Not For You Marcom!

******

“Drown Proofing:

“Military Madness”

In an upstairs room in Blackpool
By the side of a northern sea
The army had my father
And my mother was having me
Military Madness was killing my country
Solitary Sadness comes over me
After the school was over and I moved

To the other side
I found a different country but I never

Lost my pride
Military Madness was killing the country

Solitary sadness creeps over me
And after the wars are over
And the body count is finally filed
I hope that The Man discovers
What’s driving the people wild
Military madness is killing your country

So much sadness, between you and me
War, War, War, War, War, War

–Graham Nash

**********

This is Post One of a New old Series (and one I promise to be faithful to)

I will regale y’all with all my Navy SEAL BUD/s training reckless, feckless experiences. Reliving it for me, is better than it actually was. (Trust me on this one) 

However, before we dive in, you may want to watch the below. For if you do, you will get so much more ‘value’ out of my words (also found below)

I was in Class One Forty and Class One Fifty Eight, but some things (in SEALs) are always constantly constant)

So, here we go….

***

Zero Four. Alarm going off! I knock it off the nightstand. It whimpers for an instant and then grows silent. “Now Run Tell That!” as Peanut would say.

Four o’clock!? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Where am I? Who am I? Do I need to ‘be’ someplace at four-oh-fucking-clock? Of course I do. I start to remember, shaking some dust from my addled mind. I need to be in Coronado. At BUD/s. And I need to be there by zero-five. Fuck! Fuck!

Karen stirs beside me.

“What’s up?” she asks with morning breath and sleepy eyes.

“Go back to sleep,” I say. “I’ll see you later.” (Much later)

Dragging my hung over self out of our bed in La Mesa California, I get dressed and stumble down the stairs, trying ever so careful to not awake the house in my doing so at such an un-Godly-hour. Four o’clock!

Fuck!

Seated in my Toronado, I crank her up, back out of the drive and head west. To BUD/s. God help me.

Of course I had been through this before: back in ’86. I was what some could call a ‘Two-Time Loser.’ Yeah, this weren’t my first attempt at SEAL training. And certainly not my first rodeo. I continued west.

Presently I arrived at the BUD/s compound (For the uninitiated: Basic Underwater/Demolition slash SEAL Training—Yeah—My Navy is fond of acronyms)

Went into my ‘hooch’ and threw on the lights.

“Goddamn it! Marcom!” was the chorus I was greeted with. “I hate you!”

“Drop yer cocks and grab yer socks!” I yelled. (I have lived my life every day, waiting for an opportunity to say this)

“Huh?”

“It’s time to daince gen’telmens. Let’s git to it!”

“Ah fuck!”

“Yep! Fuck!”

I took a dip of snuff as I watched my roommates get dressed. We were due to meet up with the rest of our class, One Fifty-Eight, in about ten mikes.

“Hurry the fuck up!” I yelled at my sleepy ‘roommates’.

“And you… you shut the fuck up, Petty Officer Mar—cone.”

“I’m doin’ ya’ll a favor, getting you up early so you can get all yer constitutionals done in time,” I said.

“What-ever!”

“Let’s go,” I said.

We proceeded down to our class muster point, mustered up with about seventy other disgruntled ‘grunts’—poly-wogs—and ran into the ‘grinder.’

We sang in unison as we did so:

“TO MY LEFT!

“TO MY LEFT!

“HOOYAH

“HOOYAH

“HOO–YAH!!!”

Class One Five Eight had arrived at BUD/s. God save and send us.

On the grinder (asphalt parking lot) there were little paintings of fin-feet, designating where the pollywogs were to assemble for PT (Physical… Uh… training. Read: torture)

Thusly assembled, we waited for the SEAL Instructor to show. During our wait, we knew we were supposed to sing. You see? The singing arouses the instructor and God knows we wanted him aroused:

So we sang:

“Drank Drank Drank

“Drunk Drunk Drunk

“Drunk last night

“Drunk the night before

“Gonna get drunk like I never got before

“’Cause when I’m drunk I’m happy as can be

“’Cause I’m a member of the Frog Fam’ily…

“Oh the Frog Fam’ily is the best family

“That ever sailed a’cross the sea….”

 And on an’ on. You get the idea.

The instructor arrived in full regalia: UDT shorts, T-Shirt, and attitude. There was a platform of sorts in front of us (Just for His Holiness, the PT SEAL instructor to ‘preach’ from)

We stood erect at attention… waiting to hear his first pronouncement. We did not have to wait long.

“What a fucking sorry lot! This is the worst class I have ever seen! Get wet! AND SANDY!!!”

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

“Gonna be a long day,” I thought as we all ran to the Pacific to get wet and then sandy on the beach…

And the day had not even yet begun…

****

Russia Won Our World War

Well, Everybody’s War Actually

Russia Suffered Hardships We Cannot Even Begin To Imagine

 

Or, If you desire:

“I’m the reason God Made Oklahoma.” (See? I can say that. Why? Because my second was an Okie and, by parley, that makes me ‘bonafide’—so there!)

Feel better?

Vid Credit? Shelley West (Who Else??)

This I took to Navy SEAL training…

Part Two Here

And WP will NOT Me Properly Edit This

One of The Songs Above was by Al Stewart

Mother-Fuck You WP!

You stupid bag of CUNTS!

(I didn’t Really Mean That)

lANCE IS aN aSSHOLE!

Eagerly Await My Call!

‘Berta is Very Ill! “Beware The Ides of March!” I’m Worried! I Cannot Lose Her! I Do Not Want To Walk Around On A Planet Without Her On It! This Post is too Emotional—I am all fukked up right meow. She is Eighty and Change. So What? She is Very Strong!

“What do he mean by that Julius?”

Julius sez, “I doesn’t know.”

*****

Roberta

(The only GF who has stuck by me for DECADES!)

reminded me that we are Knee-Deep into the

Ides of March… so, natch…

Brother Dave!

And Willie-The-Half-Sprung Shake…s…Spear

“Here Julius; hold this!”

*****

(Y’all are welcome for this little ‘Cultural’ Interlude)

*****

We Now return you to our Regularly Scheduled… Madness…

Street Cred: Pickled Cactus