More Dispatches From The Front Lines Of My Facebook Flame Wars

Author’s Notes:

  1. My ‘War’ With Kent was better-natured than it may at first appear.
  2. No Gods were harmed during this war.
  3. Some mortal egos may have been bruised however.
  4. This post is a chocolate mess.

***

I once knew a Theist named Kent

Who told me his Joy Heaven Sent

But his mind slipped a gear

His faith fled in fear

So I gave up on Kent for Lent

***

What do you call a ‘Facebooker’ who accuses another ‘Facebooker’ of hacking his own post and then reports said ‘hacker’ to Facebook for hacking his own post and then posts on his timeline, in excruciating detail how he, using his stellar sleuth skillset, figured all this out?

Take your time…

OK, time’s up.

“A Self-Made Fool, Devoid of Logic, who plays the ‘Pity Me’ card because he wants to become a laughing stock for anyone who knows how Facebook actually works.” (And for some who don’t)

Or succinctly put, you call him “Kent”

But don’t take MY word for it; you can read some samples of his ‘piercing eloquence’ below:

***

To let everyone get a little good news or good thought or just bring a little happiness on Facebook. I try to be positive and enjoy getting in contact with others old and new friends.

Check my profile I want to share and be friendly with all post and maybe make a positive difference in as many peoples’ lives as I can. Try and let the good things in the world come to light. Every now and then I may post something negative but it is trying to make a positive difference.

This is as good of a world as you want it to be. I choose to try and stay away from the bad things in the world. There really is a lot of good going on out there. I want to enjoy and be as happy as I can. While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy

–Kent

***

Dear Kent,

“While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy”

Classic case of ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’

Who are you trying to convince of your “happy, happy, happy,” happiness?

You or ‘they’? All of ‘they’?

I think you, as do probably 99.99 percent of posters, just seek validation of your self-worth.

All are just ‘chasing likes’.

And this is fine—human nature, as it were.

I have read a lot of your posts on your timeline and your profile.

Sure.

And it seems to me your ‘happy happy happiness’ is primarily just a proselytizing form of sausage wrapped in a saccharine pancake smothered in syrup.

Once again, who are you trying to convince?

You?

Them?

Us?

Does your ‘faith’ require incessant posts requiring the great unwashed mass of the rest of us to “like, type ‘amen’, and share” if we too believe?

I’m actually not sure that I completely discount your sincerity, but it does tax credulity.

Marvelous much.

But you go Bro!

Keep posting your syrupy praises of God, Jesus, and whomever else gives you that happy,happy,happy.

Why the hell not?

Still a free country, eh?

Peace be unto you Kent.

Or perhaps that should have read,

‘Peace is onto you Kent.’

Cheers,     

Lance

***

My friend are you hell bent on trying to make people think you are an arrogant inconsiderate individual that places one under a microscope to disrespect their character coming to a narrow minded hypothesis attempting to destroy or manipulate their actions in such a manner that will somehow give you the feeling of superior intelligence that has no effect or the ability to change the individuals status or manner in which his goal to share and maybe bring a little faith and joy to their likes and beliefs.

Thank you.

I am only trying to stand strong by my spiritual beliefs. Sharing with those that I feel are doing the same. God bless you Lance. Thank you for two things. Bringing attention to others that my self worth and my ability to share my faith with others is of most importance to me.

I want nothing and I give God my Heavenly Father all the Praise and glory. For with out him I nor anyone or anything could be possible or exist. You should get what I have been blessed with.

Yes, you can be happy, happy,happy. Go for it it is a free Country. I truly believe you would have a different perspective on life in general and you can have topics that have a more sense of purpose. You are close what I think of my self is as important to me as what other think also.

I really appreciate your concern. At least you know the content of the majority of my post. This is my purpose to share with and post to my friends that enjoy and appreciate what I have to share. This is Facebook just as you shared your opinion you opened the door where I can share mine.

I hope you are not offended. This is not my intention and it will never be. God bless you Lance thank you for this humbling experience. Remember always give God all the praise and glory. Bless you once again.

–Kent

Dear Kent,

Your response is in serious need of an edit. Allow me to distill it down to the salient points:

  1. Lance is a pompous ass
  2. Lance believes (i.e., Lance has ‘Faith’—joke there for ya Kent) that he is the smartest person in the room.
  3. Kent is trying desperately to hang onto his faith by shit-posting endless memes over-expressing same, even though he freely admits that his intended audience already ‘believe’—preaching to the choir, as it were.
  4. Lance needs to ‘find’ God in order to be happy and have a sense of purpose.
  5. Lance needs to give an imaginary friend all the credit for everything Lance ever does. (I assume this includes both good and bad??)
  6. Lance needs to be blessed, and often, and by someone who knows how.
  7. That about cover it?
  8. You’re welcome

***

Dear Kent,

Lest I forget

I wrote these for you

Added a photo too

Share away!

Make someone’s day!

***

*Death Poetry Day*

He born

He torn

He die

He fry

*The End*

***

A post was once written

No one was smitten

I’d call that fittin’

Shit it was named

Its one claim to fame

Now that’s a damn shame

***

He once wrote a post

Lesser than most

Shit it was called

Comments were stalled

The content was trite

Just didn’t seem right

To waste all my time

Nor even a lime

To drop in my rum

Ho Hum! Ho Hum! Ho Hum!

(The lack of the lime was the least egregious of the sins)

***

A Cunt of a Man called Osteen

Built a Church so very Pristine

But he refused to let in

Those flooded in sin

“Fuck ‘em! They’re way too Unclean.”

“I know y’all love me. You need to get on social media. But First give Harvey-TheHurricane the ol’ heave-ho! God Blesses you, but I don’t. Move along. We’re closed.”
–Joel Osteen

“My God, they killed them all!”

Here comes the story of the Hurricane.

Bob Dylan

“WoW! Who would’ve ever thought they’d find me doing God’s work?”
–Lance

***

“Lil Kim’s got the hydrogen bomb”
His news bitch announced in singsong
“He’ll mount it one day
“And launch it your way
“Then smartly fuck off to Hong Kong”
So rong!”

***

There once was a boy name of Kim
Who decided to act on a whim
He launched a big bomb
In the direction of Guam
And that was the ending of him!

***

In a Loon we call Kim Jong-Un
The World sees a silly buffoon
But he put up his Dukes
Oh Fuck me; They’re Nukes!
And The World is now singing new tunes!
(So soon?)

Cheers Kent,

–Lance

***

‘A Celestial North Korea’

Credit: Christopher Hitchens

***

A full week has passed

Since Jon GOT that ass

Even Dany GOT pleased

By Crow’s bended knees

And now we must fast for Season The Last

(And That’s The GOTcha)

Bonus Content Below:

The Most Lovely and Captivating and Charmingly Endearing Emilia

***

The Iron Throne – Game of Thrones’ AWFUL final episode

Vid Content Cred: Critical Drinker

***

Stimulate Me Bitch!

Woo-Hoo!

Wu Flu!

You have ‘Stimulated’ Me!

“Per your instructions, we are notifying you of the following

Account activity on the Checking account # *0000 with Guaranty Bank & Trust:

Account Bal is $2,333.53 as of 03/17/2021 01:13 AM”

****************

Ever’month—Right?—No?—You just a One-Trick Pony?

Well, “Go to Fuk You Then!!”—

California! Here I come!”

Vid Share Street Cred: diarci.
Thank You, diarci

******************

FREE BONUS!

It won’t cost One Dime!

(Just Send One Dollar—

Postal Money Order!)

Street Cred: Floyd & And The Gang.

DUH!

(Yeah! I’m Crusin’ For A Brusin’)

*********************

P.S.,

The ABBA Girls Are

JUST TOO HAPPY

In This!

(See above!)

They LOVE Their Work!

And This IS ….

Precisely Why…

I will love them

Until I Die!

THEM!

(Sorry!

Esoteric Sci-Fi, 50’s Movie Ref)

ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Cass, and Lance

Yeah! I am trying to occupy (and distract) my mind with Beauty and Music.

(See previous posts if you do not know why this is requisite for me.)

Speaking of posts, and posting, This one is an unorganized, not edited, convoluted…. piece of shit.

(Screw it! I will NOT edit this. It was a ‘stream of consciousness! ‘If I ‘edit’ it, then it is shite, as a stream of consciousness.

And then would ring false. So I won’t fukkin’ edit it.

What you see is what you get. (I may go back and give ‘credit’ for all the vids/images I stole, but that ain’t ‘editing’– that is just not being an asshole.)

Read/Watch/Listen at Your Own Annoyance.

It is impossible to not notice…

To not notice…

How HAPPY Agnetha & Anni-Frid ARE IN this!

They LOVED IT!

And for that,

That STAGE PRESENCE!

I LOVED THEM!

(I suppose ‘The Boys’ were happy too.

But Lance don’t pay attention to the moods of boys—LOL!)

**************

This will be brief (I promise)

I have been (In Light, or in Dark, of my too recent loss)

HATE ASHBURY

I have been pondering…

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

(I believe some smart guy once said that)

Well, I been ‘prospectin’  down into MY Life.

Didn’t find no gold.

Didn’t find no silver.

Didn’t find no diamonds.

(Hangman! Hangman! Meet me at The Gallows’ Pole!”)

(“Bring me your dead sister then.)

Yeah! I am sick… and bitter!

Didn’t find…

No Solace.

Found a box of rocks tho…

Note attached:

It read, and I quote:

“Lance, this is all your life represents. Have a nice day”

—God

“Oh, and never forget: Jesus Saves.”

–G

Saves what?

Green stamps?

“Hey God!

Go to Fuck Yourself!”

(I know the grammar is fucked, but THAT is how Gladys always verbalized it)

“Go to fuck yourself!”

(See Third paragraph for Gladys)

I loved her for her broken English.

Might be continued, but I doubt it…

*******

If you’re California Dreamin’…

Don’t.

As we used to say….In the Navvvyyyy! Cali…fornia or bust! Don’t hear that so much anymore.

While aboard a Haze-Gray-And-Underway Piece of Shit. We see the coast of CA and just keep steaming right on by.

Bye – Bye!! California!

(And NEVER EVER Call Her ‘Mama Cass’–Her name is ‘Cass Elliot’)

If you’re California Dreamin’…

Don’t.

As we used to say….In the Navvvyyyy! Cali…fornia or bust! Don’t hear that so much anymore. While aboard a Haze-Gray-And-Underway Piece of Shit.

We see the coast of CA and just keep steaming right on by. Bye – Bye!! California!

(And NEVER Call Her ‘Mama Cass’–Her name is ‘Cass Elliot’)

******

Street Cred: Memology 101:

If you are a ‘good and astute observer’ you will see Kamala trying (and failing) to dance.

Free Bonus Track

(But Donations Greedily Accepted)

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor.

Rich is better.”

–L. Marcom, Circa 2006

My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)

“One Day, You’ll Be cool.”

Said Madelyn to Lance

****

I wanted to post this polished

(And slightly edited)

But, once again,

WordPress is being

STUPID!

So…

What you see

Is what you get!

I cannot edit the Goddamn thing!

I’ll come back to this if I find ‘sober.’

(Don’t set your watch–and do not hold your breath– may be a little minute or five)

Madelyn died a week ago.

I just found out today

(Not on speaking terms with my ‘Family—wonder why)

Had the un-happy news delivered to me in a fucking Facebook Post!

Imagine how I then proceeded to spin out of control!

I LOVED My Adopted Sister!

More than anyone could know.

(Especially HER!)

I never told her!

I should have!

And EVERY-FUCKING DAY!

Alas

I didn’t

EVER!

Fuck me!

Now she is dead.

And I cannot tell her how much I did truly love her.

Some snippets:

Madelyn & Me!

She ‘Maria’ to My ‘Cap’n Von Trapp’

“Sound of Music” HS Play: Circa 1974

(Script demanded we ‘kiss’—never did during rehearsals—but we ‘practiced’ at home.) Opening night, we kissed, not unlike two horny teens. It was painful. (For her. Not for me! I had been waiting for years to kiss her!)

Memories of my B’loved Sister Madelyn:

“My step-sister signed up for that too. She gots tons of LP’s. (Most sucked in my opinion). Then she could not pay the bill for the ones that kept coming. My Father had to bail her out, but that was OK: She was “Daddy’s Little Hippie Princess.” If I had pulled a stunt like that, I would have become an indentured servant for some years to pay it off.

(Do I sound bitter? Have issues?)

Naw.

Hahahah!

Cheers and Happy Friday to you my Friend.”

*****

I loved Madelyn. I really loved her!

And now she’s gone.

Forever.

For Fucking Ever!

There is NO God!

Madelyn & Me!

Memories of my B’loved Sister Madelyn:

“My step-sister signed up for that too.

She gots tons of LP’s. (Most sucked in my opinion). Then she could not pay the bill for the ones that kept coming.

My Father had to bail her out, but that was OK: She was “Daddy’s Little Hippie Princess.”

If I had pulled a stunt like that, I would have become an indentured servant for some years to pay it off.(Do I sound bitter? Have issues?)

Naw.Hahahah!Cheers and Happy Friday to you my Friend.”

*****

I loved Madelyn. I really loved her!And now she’s gone.

Forever.

For Fucking Ever!

There is NO God!

Not one that I could/would/care to recognize anyway.

****************

Fuck all This!

And fuck WordPress!

And FUCK WRITING!

“I’ll not write another line!”

Pass the fucking tea and sympathy!

For SHIT-Sure to be continued….

And

“Pass me a cigarette; I think there’s one in my raincoat.”

More Face-Dork Shit: Vain Fantasy Shit

(Perhaps I will revisit this post and edit it …But I doubt that.)

Stream of unconsciousness

“I mostly write about my past. (On my TT&H Blog–and here too, I guess)

Recent past

Not so recent past

Some ancient history past.

All true.

All memories, My Memories, True Memories (‘Cept for the times I blacked out due to my propensity at times to… uh, well, ‘tis the fault of Jim (Beam) an’ his frens)

Some good

Some bad

Some devastating to remember and recount

Some glorious to revisit.

The one thing always constantly constant however is this:

They all make me feel still alive and kicking and looking forward to making new memories.”

******

Things that inform your mind that you are over-the-hill, and of no further use to society:

1. You telephone your girlfriend of thirty – years

2. She has better things to attend

3. i.e., laundry

4. You try to telephone your most recent ex-wife, only to discover that your number has been placed on her ‘block all calls from this number list.’

5. You look around for your dog.

6. Then remember he died in your arms at the vet, ‘bout 18 months ago.

7. Then you just crawl into a corner

8. And Pray for Death to come for you soon. And then you remember that you are an atheist.

And Prayer probably won’t work for you.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but it is at this moment you come to the stark realization that you are properly fucked.

And all alone

******

Warning!

Danger!

Danger Will Robinson!

Lance is DRUNK!

(Yet he writes anyway.)

Why?

Why?

Why? Oh Why!

Why do I pursue this vain fantasy?

I am cognizant of the paralyzed fact…

That I am drunk outta what is left of my mind.

But here is a clue and a nickel:

First the Clue: I don’t give a shit. (OK? We good with that so far?)

Second: I don’t give a fuck!

(Y’all ‘trackin’ now?)

Bravo!

Congrats!

(If Y’all don’t watch the below vid, I pity you.)

Vid Share Credit: Manosphere Environment

It’s a Fam-damily Tradition!

Fun fact:

Hank Jr, was three and change when when ‘Daddy’ Died.

But he milked it.

The Joke Is On Me (And On You–For Even Being Here) Broadcast News

Facebook Post:
Good morning!
I am feeling somewhat “normal” today.
Trying to stay two steps ahead of the neck pain.
Taking lots of Ibuprofen and booze.
Put MS Muse Out of my Misery.
But I miss her already.
I just may have a life after all.
Or not.
“O, that way madness lies; let me shun that;
No more of that.”
—King Lear, Act 3, Scene 4
Too heavy?
Fuck with me?
You’ll get what you fucking deserve.
Love,
Lance…
The NSA Are on Their Way!

“Hey! Hey! NSA! On The Way!
(Ditto the Local Cops!)
“Surround the House!”
“Madman Inside!”
“Be careful Boys!”
“Let’s Take Him Down…”
“But Quietly.”
“No Muss. No Fuss.”

*****

Do not Fuck with Me!

I will not Hesitate to Empty a Clip Into Your Dome.

MS Muse– Miss Misery:

Feel Free To Conduct A Search

For ‘Abusive Muse.’

There you may find happiness.

******

BONUS MATERIAL BELOW

Crit-After-My-Own-Heart-Drinker-Man!

If you do not watch this, or appreciate this…

Your Loss