Lance Living Large In The Lion’s Den

Try a little kindness

This is just too rich not to share

Something really bizarre and wonderful just happened to me.

There was a loud knock upon my door. I figured it was Timothy wanting to beg a beer.

I got up and looked out the peep hole. Wasn’t Tim. It was a lady riding one of those golf-carts for invalids.

I opened the door. Hanging from my door knob was a Walmart bag. Lady glanced at it, said, “I deliver food here; it is bread and ham.”

I was so shocked that I blurted out, “God Bless You.” (Me, the Atheist) But it seemed apropos for the situation.

There are still good people in this world.

I hope I am one of them

(I feel blessed, though I probably do not deserve it)

Try a little kindness; it does a body good.

I ask for nothing from no one, because I am an asshole. I do not put up with bullshit in my life.

Ever

But when someone is unsolicited nice to me, it moves me and touches my heart. And I am grateful and honoured to be sharing their air.

Never forget: We are all in this Game Together

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

We are Humanity

That is Our Fatal Flaw

And our Blessing

I Want Another Jewish Princess

Reminiscing about my rebound lover from my living in Israel days…

After That Moroccan Bitch Gladys had dumped me,

I found a new, better girl.

Her name was ‘Alanna’

 And she was beautiful—very, very, VERY beautiful.

First time I saw her I was smitten like a kitten.

She had very long dark hair and even darker eyes.

She was a Yemenite Jew Witch—She could turn frogs into wine.

Problem was, not too many frogs to be found in Israel.

We searched and searched

Alas. No frogs.

So just ended up purchasing wine from the store.

No shit.

And I loved her (briefly)

She was one of my for all-time best lovers.

(I should have married HER instead of some of the broads I later married)

I always smile inside when I remember her.

Song Below: Click it if you dare.

Word to Anyone Who is Wise

This is a stupid post and pieced together from some stupid Facebook posts of mine. Some of it repeats itself.

Please be kind if you choose to comment, I am mentally challenged.

And yeah I know: the above is a classic example of a ‘comma splice.’ This was intentional in honor of one of my university profs who would drop an essay two letter grades for a comma splice–no matter how good the essay was.

FUCKING BITCH!

All the papers I wrote for that class (1975) were A-plus quality.

This broad had a hard-on for comma splices.

My ‘A-Plus’ papers got “C-Minuses” with red pencil accentuating them:

My fatal errors in punctuation

Cunt tried to kill my creative writing spirit with her pedantic bullshit

Guess what?

She Failed

To my “For Real Friends:”

Do not fret; We good.

Rest of you:

Pay your Money

Take your Chances.

Good luck.

(This is, of course all tongue in cheek. If you are too stupid to understand that, then you have no business ‘reading’ me.)

So spend your flamethrower fuel on someone worthy of flaming–I am not worthy–and trust me: you would lose the flame-war battle anyway. It would not end as you envisioned in your pipe dream

Word to anyone who is wise:

If you are a true friend to me, we be good.

This post is certainly not aimed at my real friends.

Rest of you: Pay your money; take your fucking chances.

Good luck. (This is, of course all tongue in cheek. If you are too stupid to understand that, then you have no business ‘reading’ me. So spend your flamethrower fuel on someone worthy of flaming–I am not worthy–and trust me: you would lose the flame-war battle anyway. It would not end as you envisioned in your pipe dreams) Please trust me on this. I am trying to to save your social media dignity (if you have any left or EVER had any, that is)

P.S. I have no idea what this post was supposed to be about.

I may be drunk.

Not my intention to offend anyone.

But guess what?

If I did, guess how many fucks I give.

Thank you. Drive Through.

And Merry Fucking 2020 Christmas

Feliz Navidad!!!

(I believe that may be ‘Meskin,’ but could be French, or Swahili–who the fuck gives a fuck? I understand what it means and that is the only thing ‘meaningful’ to me: the ‘Understanding’ If any of you have truly ‘read’ me, you’d know I done been ’round the world—fucking twice–I have experienced all kinds of cultures and guess what? I discovered value in all of them. And more importantly, I ‘learned’ something from all of them. Travel is something most stupid provincial dumb-ass Americans should take a shot at. Might make us a better country. Or at least lower the proportion of assholes who inhabit this place.

“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After)

Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post:

“I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:

At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time.

Thank you Johnny:  My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The Old HG Daze”.

Thank you Johnny. You have brought joy back into my life.

Joy was missing in action.

Now she has returned.

“Welcome back Joy. I have missed you.”

(Muse sitting on the ‘Nasty Couch’ looks up and glares at me)

I am sincere in this statement .

You have not  an idea.

But actually, I’d wager you do.

“Linda Went to Mars.”

And Lance was on that same spaceship….

We were shit-mates

Me and Linda.

And we ENJOYED  the ride.

We did not so much enjoy our “arrival”

You see…

Life is all about the “journey”

Never about the final destination arrival.

Very much so

MERRY  CHRISTMAS”

Oh shit!

I made an esoteric reference

Here is the link:

Shit that makes me happy

Added value:

More IN the Continuing Saga of My Abusive Muse

(Video Share Credit: Boston 4 Evaa)

Muse returns from her brief sojourn to Waco to see another ‘client.’

(Apparently She was prepared to try witchcraft on me now–she had ‘tried’ reason–logic–chastisement–nothing seemed to be working. So now, Witchcraft. Good Luck with that, Muse.)

“What have you been doing?” She enquires. “Working On Rhonda-Whatever-The-Fuck Chapter it is supposed to be?”

“Drinking.”

“Yeah, I can see that. And Shitposting On Facebook. Saw that too.”

“I just been ‘pondering’, working up to it.”

“Lance, you are useless. And you are late with my fee. Pay the fuck up.”

“You take expired/maxx’d out credit cards?”

“Go fuck yourself” she said. “Cash only.. I am gonna cast a spell on you. Stand still.”

More Muse found Here

And here

And Here