Updated/Expanded: Added A Magnificent Documentary About Israel. Profanity ALERT! I Have Very STRONG Emotions About Egypt & Israel–Israel, My Favorite Country (Aside from TEXAS That Is…)

Fun Fact: EVERY Able-Bodied Israeli Citizen Serves At Least Two Years Active Duty In The IDF–Then They’re In The Active Reserve Until They’re Sixty

The United States Could Learn A Thing or Four From Israel

(Do Not Mess With These Sabra Lady Warriors–Trust Me On This One Folks)

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Israel, Birth of a Nation:

Credit For Video Share: Anna Bens

https://www.youtube.com/@annabens7032

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I love Egypt, Iraq, Jordan, And Afghanistan Too.

I Have Spent Far Too Many Of My Life’s Years In The Region

To Not Give-A-Shit.

I.E., I Give A Shit–And I Always Shall

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Standby: More Opinion To Come From Me On This Breaking Story.

https://www.timesofisrael.com/two-israeli-women-killed-another-critically-hurt-in-west-bank-shooting-attack/

https://news.sky.com/story/two-women-killed-in-a-shooting-in-the-west-bank-were-british-nationals-12852029

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The Great Revolt & The Siege of Masada

Credit: History Time (@HistoryTime)

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hava nagila hava

Cred For Share: XxMsrSzprzxX

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Silent Eyes–Paul Simon:

So Iran is pissed off at Israel.

Threatening Israel.

HEY IRAN! FUCK AROUND. FIND OUT!

Israel has the strongest, best military in the Mideast. They have the fiercest soldiers. They have the best technology. What you gonna do Iran? Throw camel shit against nukes?

Good fucking luck in that endeavor

As anyone who knows me, knows

I lived

I Lived There For for many, many years.

Had too many Israeli Girl-Friends Along the Way…

in that region for years. I had a flat in Tel Aviv. I KNOW these people.

FU*K WITH THEM AT YOUR DESERVED PERIL

They don’t mess around.

Nor do they take lightly any threats to their sovereignty

They don’t play.

Watch your Khomeini Ass

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Bonus “Added Value”

I Want Another Little Jewish Princess. Just Before I Departed For Israel, Well, Actually The Sinai Desert, My Maternal Grand-Mother Felt ‘Compelled’ To Impart This Wisdom Upon Me:

“Lance, Find Yourself A Nice RICH Jewish Girl–And Marry Her.”

“Thanks Grand-Mother; I Shall Do My Very Best.”

I should NOT go HERE!

Reminiscing about my rebound lover from my living in Israel days…

After That Moroccan Bitch Gladys had dumped me,

I found a new, better girl.

Her name was ‘Ayala’

She was a Yemenite

 And she was beautiful—very, very, VERY beautiful.

First time I saw her I was smitten like a kitten.

She had very long dark hair and even darker eyes.

She was a Yemenite Jew Witch—She could turn frogs into wine.

Problem was, not too many frogs to be found in Israel.

We searched and searched

Alas. No frogs.

So just ended up purchasing wine from the store.

No shit.

And I loved her (briefly)

She was one of my for all-time best lovers.

(I should have married HER instead of some of the broads I later married)

I always smile inside when I remember her.

Song Below: Click it if you dare.

“Lady Luck” or “Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered” You Choose. (WIP) And Of Course, This Really Ain’t Fiction. I Just Changed Some Names–To Protect… N/M

My Gawd! But He Was Great!

Great Frank!

Travis was three-quarter drunk.

This was not unusual.

For Travis.

He had staggered from the El Cortez to the Union Plaza,

Thinking he might ‘get well’ at the blackjack tables

(His ‘stake’ had dwindled somewhat)

First stop:

Le Bar.

History dictated he would not get far.

However, Travis was feeling blessed and lucky this night.

We would see.

He spied a primo blackjack table, with only three ‘patrons’ seated there.

Perfect for an underachiever count-down artist, which is what he was.

But of course he saw himself as so much more.

He took his drink and his still smoldering Marlboro and his over-blown cockiness over to the table.

Sat down and said to the pretty young Ornamental dealer,

“Red and green”

As he threw out his last three hundred bucks….

She just smiled in that smile that Travis had seen so many times from the bar girls in Olongapo.

“Charming and Endearing” does not even come close as description,

What little did he know….

As a long tall blond broad took a seat next to him.

How his world was about to change.

Forever

***

And some days.

To be continued…

I think I’ve seen this movie before… I didn’t like it”

Narrator said.

This is ‘obviously’ my first foray into ‘fiction’

For as my ‘faitfful’ readers know, I do not attempt fiction.

No good at it.

So…

Any resemblamce to Lance, the author, or his life experiences…. are purely coincendental and just a glitz in this mate-trix.

And of course

This story will be mostly about women

Never escaping that.

Just is impossible.

Truth

Nor fiction

Women

All Ways About Women

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Free Bonus:

I Have Never Claimed To Possess Any Small Semblance of Discernible Intelligence, But I Keep Strivin’ To ‘Sailor-On’ And Entertain Both of my Readers

TA’ Does Not Always Necessarily Mean ‘Tits an’ Ass'” Happy Belated Purim! Is-Rail Is REAL!

I Love Jewish Culture.

“If I Were A Rich Man”

Sadly, I Am Not!

Shamelessly Lifted From The Brilliant Film,

‘Fiddler-On-The-Roof

(I Only Steal The Good Shit–How I Roll, Y’all Know….)

“I Realize it is NO Shame To Be Poor…”

Poverty is Somewhat

‘Freeing’

It Provides One’s God-Given RIGHT

To Invite ‘Rich’ People To Go Get Fu*k’d!

I ‘Embrace My Poverty!

And With Two Loving Open Arms’

Shit!

I cannot find my Gladys Lehanni Post.

Give me time…

Arrived Tel Aviv one afternoon Late ‘78.

Soon to be Stoned, Dazed and Confused and Somewhat Abused.

One of my fellow SFM drivers, Perry, a good bud of mine, had convoyed with me through the Sinai Desert and into TA. Each of us driving deuce and a’halfs and at dangerous, reckless speeds.

We checked into the Pal Hotel which SFM had migrated to after the New Sheraton had made it plain they no longer desired nor needed the patronage of Sinai Field Mission Types, specifically the Texan ones–Which made up about 88 Percent of Sinai Field Mission Personnel.

I/We, preferred the Pal Hotel anyway. (They loved us and our fun-loving ways and how we were always, without fail, Big Tippers to The Hotel Staff)

“Fuck You Uptight Sheraton New Hotel!”

(This sentiment was unanimous amongst all-of-us-Texan Expats)

Of course for both of you Lenny Fans out there in ‘Radio Land’  I just had to drop this audio bit in. It really is not germane (nor certainly not German) to the point, but it do expand on the title somewhat.

It occurred to me that when using the term ‘Tits an’ Ass” some would not know the etymology. Lenny first coined the phrase. (Bless his heart).  He did some jail time too… for his transgressions.

So…when I first arrived to SFM and folks would talk of TA, imagine my confusion.

Lenny Bruce audio below ‘Tits and Ass’

Worth a listen

After settling in, Perry called me from his room, “Hey Lance. Got anything goin’ tonight?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Not a damn thing. You know Gladys done dumped me for that Venzu-walon dude.”

(Some Histoire on Gladys — Or as Bart Armstrong Called her: “Happy Butt”): 

First Israeli Love. Her name was Gladys Lehani and she spoke French, English, Hebrew, and Lies. I was instantly enamored. She worked nights at the Tel Aviv Sheraton in the ‘Kum Kum’ Lounge, a bar. During the afternoons she was a cashier in the little lobby area of the hotel. A place where one could look out the huge windows at the Mediterranean, have a cocktail, read a book, and flirt with her. I spent many hours there doing all four.

“Come on up to my room.” Perry said, “We’ll smoke a bowl.”

“On my way,” I said and hung up. We smoked a few bowls of hashish,

(All we could get in The Middle of The Fucking East–Which we would have Killed For In Texas, But after a few Years of NOTHING But Hashish, We Missed Good Old, Old-Fashion Pot)

drank some Amstels, and decided to head over to Dizengoff Street to check out the action. And sate some munchies. Just yet another night in TA.

dizengoff-cafe

Dizengoff Cafe

We stepped out onto Hayarkon Street just after sundown and proceeded to float on toward Dizengoff, a few short blocks away.

We were stoned beyond repair. As we tried to navigate across the busy Hayarkon four lane, we noticed more than the average number of folk on foot.

As soon as we had arrived on the leeward shore of Hayarkon, a teenage girl came running up to us and smacked us both on the top of our heads with a little plastic mallet. Then said something unintelligible in Hebrew and ran giggling away.

“What the fuck was that?!” I asked Perry.

“Dude, I gots no idea, but look yonder!” he said pointing up the street. Sure as shit, there were people everywhere; all armed with similar plastic mallets, just wailing the shit outta each other’s heads.

“Dude! We gotta sort this out.

This is just too weird. Must be some kinda religious ritual.” This is what my hashish soaked brain was telling me anyway. We made our way to Dizengoff, after having our heads bonked repeatedly by overzealous religious fanatics. I spied a street vendor displaying the plastic mallets with aplomb.

“Perry, we gots to git one ah them for self-defense.”

We purchased one each and went to whackin’ pretty Sabras about the head. (Great way to meet women, I must confess—Kinda Neanderthal—but what the hell?) Later I was told we had experienced some joyful Israeli Halloween-Like festival. Mardi Gras, it weren’t but dammit! I had fun. (But I didn’t get any beads)

Nor Did I get laid that night, In spite of me whacking the heads of so many Pretty Sabras.

To this day, I do not know the holiday, or festival. Are there any out there who would care to enlighten me? Tis one-of-those-unknown-things that still haunt me today. Perhaps if I had not been stoned…

banner_purim_sm[1]

Purim

My Jewish Friends: Was it Purim I had experienced? My enquirin’ mind really do wanna know.

 

TITS AND ASS BIT: LENNY

Sensitive/Not Sensitive! My Muse has Left Me. For Permanent!. She Is Returning to Olongapo City, Or Wherever-The-Fu*k She Originated ‘From’—Good Riddance!

She was always a pain in the ass anyhow.

“Bon Voyage Bitch.”

I’m fucking sensitive

And

Complicated.

(And I’d like to remain that way)

So if you are not ‘on-board’ with that, get the fuck outta my life.

Because I will wreck your train.

I will derail your ‘Vain Train.’

(I certainly have ‘derailed’ mine.)

I am a fucking “professional” at derailing trains.

Also pretty well-versed in Train-Wrecks

I will sink your fucking shit (and your ship).

I will burst yer bubble.

I will destroy your expectations and any aspirations you may have had for me.

I would not give you a dime.

But I would give you the shirt off my back.

Because I care.

About humans.

And my character flaw

Is that I am generous.

To a fault.

***

But In short:

I am an asshole.

(And I’d like to stay that way)

The only one forced to live with Lance is Lance.

(And of Course MS Muse)

And she ain’t  too fucking happy with her Indentured Servitude And she finally has had enuff.

But fuck her!

I paid her!

(Occasionally)

I fed her.

(Occasionally)

Never ‘bedded’ her.

(Wanted to)

I missed her before she even got into her car.

“I have done a curs’d thing.”

I don’t need to hit you over the head by dropping in the lyrics.

Pretty certain if you are HERE you appreciate SMART.

And if not.

Get the fuck off my page.

Go look for something mundane.

And have a nice fucking day.

Oh! and please be careful with me:

I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.

“She Was My Better Half–Story Of My Life!

MORE HERE

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Added Value:

Sunday is Rapidly Approaching–Relentlessly Snipping/Snapping at My Heels. Just Another Manic Sunday! I Fukk’en HATE Sundays!

Preach On My Brother!

My Life Is Too Much Filled With My Reality

Just Sayin’

“There’s Nothin’ Short ah Dyin'”

FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!

Office Space – Printer Scenes (uncensored) Intro

Die Mutha-Fu*Kah! Die Mutha-Fu*Kah! Die Mutha-Fu*Kah!

DIE!

Cred For Vid: nifelhell42

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Monkey Sez:

“Hey Asshole! You Keep F*cking wid me, we gonna take your Planet. Watch the F*ckin’ Movie. Talk to Chuck! He will dial you in Hot-Rod!”

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I F*cking HATE Sundays

Why?

Reasons:

  1. Cannot buy booze
  2. No real ‘News’
  3. Nothing interesting ever happens on a Sunday
  4. I havta take a shower
  5. I have to put on “not white trash’ clothing
  6. I feel compelled to find a church to sit in bored to death
  7. I cannot speak freely–must ‘mend my speech’
  8. Yada Yada Yada Bullshit

Oh Susanna! Take Me Away!

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Sunday Mournin’ Comin’ Downtown

Kris Classic Below; Don’t Be A Fool.

Clik It

Street Cred for Vid: biggestkkfan

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Special Bonus Guest Star

George Carlin!

666

More Ref (Just for Balance)

Clik The Link