Sorry Kids. I am stupid Drunk–Not Really. Just Stupid–Had to Re-Post This—Expanded A Bit. I Miss My Navy SEAL Training Hazy Daze!

Happy Cockeyed Optimist.

“I’m Stuck Like a Dope With On a Thing called ‘Hope”

I am Stupid Naive!

Immature and Incurably Green

I’ve loved my life!

Cockeyed Optimist

Mitzi Gaynor

(From “South Pacific”)

Never Worry!

“Worry” is the most useless waste of human emotions

A waste of time and energy!

***

Video Credit: BobbyMcFerrin #DontWorryBeHappy #Vevo

Late entry/addition which no one will see. I drop it anyway. just a fond memory:

When I was in Navy SEAL training, late Eighties, we had, everyday, to run around with IBS on our head (IBS: Inflatable-Boat-Small).

This is part of a song we made up:

“Oh IBS! Stuck To My Head I Guess!”

The Instructors Often Filled Them With Sand.

Just For The Added Fun

Rock Portage

So Much Fun!

(One of My Shipmates Managed To Break His Leg While We Were ‘Performing’ This Fun Little ‘Evolution’.)


NAVY SEAL TRAINING: BUD/S

Surf Passage

I loved My Times Two Navy SEAL

Training Experience (’86 & ’88)

This Guy, Patstone, is Very Representative of Your

Typical BUD/s Instructor

I Think Somewhere In-A-Hidden, Very Top-Secret So Cal Location There is A ‘Clone Lab’ Where The Navy Makes These Guys

Instructor Patstone

Whom I Got To Know Too Well

(For My Taste)

******

One day, one morning, my class mustered and went to retrieve our assigned IBS’s. Someone in another boat crew was laughing manically.

WTF? I pondered.

I walked over to the boat crew.

“What is so goddamn funny?” I asked.

“Lookit this shit” one said.

I looked at their IBS.

One of the SEAL instructors had spray-painted on all the IBS’s

“Don’t worry; Be Happy.”

Video Credit: BobbyMcFerrin #DontWorryBeHappy #Vevo

***

I had to laugh.’

I did still manage to maintain my sense of humor, even though I knew I was probably gonna die that day….

Damn! I miss those days. And all the ‘good’ times!

Yeah. Believe what you’ve heard/read: SEAL training is BRUTAL. But ya gotta keep a sense of humor about you. Or at least in your pocket.

****

I love Barb in Her Sailor Suit!!

(Judy, You know I LOVE You Too!)

“Happy Days Are Here Again!”

Video Credit: George John

Casspir The Friendly Armored Personnel Carrier

Fallujah.

Naturally.

Bumping along in a Casspir, a South African armored personnel carrier, on our way to Anbar Province, western Iraq. The year was 2007 and we were under attack.

Perfect.

Perfect? Yes. For you see, if you decide to get shot at in Iraq in 2007, the best venue for that is inside a Casspir. A Casspir is a big, white, heavily armored vehicle. During Apartheid, the South Africans needed such a vehicle; well, the White South Africans did anyway. The first time I heard of “Casspir”

I was somewhere close to Camp Speicher, northern Iraq and this was to be my “commute car.”  I thought instantly, after seeing my first Casspir, that it was so moniker-ed because it was this big white thing and, being an American, immediately thought of “Casper the Friendly Ghost.” I was wrong.

There is nothing friendly about a Casspir, aside from the fact that he (it) will save your ass.

Casper_Commuter_Vehicle

Riding in a Casspir is probably one of the most uncomfortable things one can experience. The seats are small. The quarters cramped.

The air conditioning nonexistent. The suspension sans shock absorbers.

The windows, smallish, which open up just enough to point a rifle through, or perhaps allow a round to one’s head. The driver, usually a Wanna-be Rambo with poor grammar and a poorer sense of direction.

No fun riding in a Casspir.

Inside Casper

But on that day, back in ’07, just outside Fallujah there was no better place to be. Casspirs were often called the ‘Best Bug-Out Vehicles’ in Iraq.

First they shot at us with RPG’s (rocket propelled grenades). They fell somewhat short. Following up, they hit us with AK47 rounds. (Those didn’t fall short) Our PLS truck

(Pallet-loading system) lost a windshield. Some of our “light-skinned” vehicles lost windshields and windows as well. “Casper” got hit, but the rounds barely scratched the paint (Thank you South Africa). No one lost his life, but we were somewhat shaken and more than a little pissed off.

Continue reading

I LOVE Amy Adams! Julie and Julia. And Yes! This Post is All-Fukked-Up! I May Try To Fix It Later, But Don’t Hold Yer Breath. See Ya Laters Alligators! Never Apologetic

This is one of the most charming movies from ‘semi recent’ times.

It works on all levels. It is a delight to watch.

P.S. I love Amy Adams. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.

(Meryl Streep ain’t no slouch neither)

And of course, this movie is all about ‘writing’ which hits so close to home for me, your humble servant.

“I can write a blog. I have thoughts.”–Julie

Added Value:

******

The Real Julie Powell

Julie Powell

Biography

(1973–)

  • APR 2, 2014

American author Julie Powell is best known for her blog, “The Julie/Julia Project,” and the Nora Ephron movie ‘Julie & Julia,’ which is based in part on Powell’s experience.

Who Is Julie Powell?

Writer Julie Powell received national attention for her blog, “The Julie/Julia Project,” which she subsequently adapted for a memoir. Nora Ephron wrote and directed a 2009 culinary comedy-drama, Julie & Julia, based on Powell’s work and the life of Julia Child in 1950s Paris. 

Early Life

Powell was born in Austin, Texas on April 20, 1973. She attended Amherst College in Amherst, Massachusetts, graduating in 1995 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in theater and dance/fiction writing. She later married Eric Powell, an editor at Archaeology magazine, and the couple settled in New York City.

“The Julie & Julia Project” Blog

Powell began her famous blog, “The Julie/Julia Project,” in 2002, at age 29. At that time, Powell was working an unfulfilling job at the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation, fielding phone calls relating to the aftermath of the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks at New York City’s World Trade Center. Powell began her blog with the intention of channeling her energy into a more fulfilling venture. The blog chronicled Powell’s attempt to prepare all of the dishes described in Child’s classic cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, in just one year.

Powell frequently invoked Child’s journey to her culinary career, as she personally searched for a more meaningful use of her talents. Despite the popularity of Powell’s blog, Child herself did not embrace Powell, describing her project as a stunt without culinary value.

Of Powell, Child said, “I don’t think she’s a serious cook.”

Powell has said that her experience with the blog led her to embrace her talents as a writer, rather than as a chef.

And despite Child’s opinion on the culinary value of Powell’s work, Powell was recognized with an honorary degree from Le Cordon Bleu, the Parisian culinary school that Child attended.

https://www.biography.com/writer/julie-powell

(Try The Inked In link In, link-in below.)

And of course, She is a Native TEXAN

(Born in Austin)

OF course SHE IS Texican aND hALF-m-ESICAN, aIN;T WE ALL?

Which makes her even more magical for me.

I lover her Atm an her Writing Charm

https://www.biography.com/writer/julie-powell

Ending song for this wonderfully, brilliantly done movie.

(Everything ‘works’ in this film)

It is Perfection

Vid Cred: Julia Tejero

*****

Bonus Cooking Scene Below

I drop this in

Just for the Grin

And for the Laughter Factor

This never will grow old for me..

“Call me back when you get them things cooked. I got a girlfriend.”

I love this shit.

Don’t watch Cable TV.

Not when you can find shit like this on the Internet.

Rhonda Chapter (I forget) Eventually, I Managed to Marry Her In Lost Wages…. I Spent ALL of Our Honey-Moon Money at the ‘Oh Craps I Lost Tables’

Seven Come Eleven on A rusty Dime—Nigger Got Choked on a Water-Mellon Rhine”And No! I am NOT Racist—I Just Love My Southern Heritage.

I ALWAYS Bet on the ‘Hard Four’—A Sucker Bet—But I wAS Always A ;sucker

While working as a calibration technician at “Spam” Instruments,

One day this broad shows up as a ‘co-worker.’

Let’s call her name ‘Rhonda.’  For that was her Christian Name.

We were working in tight quarters in a smallish factory room.

Me calibrating my ass off.

She assembling gauges her ass off.

We almost fell in love.

But

Alas

We were both married.

To not us

Yet that beat went on.

For a year.

Of course there was always this between us:

To be continued…

Of course I loved her.

I eventually married her.

Twice.

WRITERS IN THE STORM

****

Writers in the Storm

Writers in the Storm

They are so forlorn

Just tryin’ to be Born

Like a page without a pen

Publish if you can…      

My Muse out there on the road

She’s just tryin’ to get home

She took long holiday

Now you’ve lost your way

Take her by the hand

Make her Understand

Your World on Her Depends

Her World will Never End

***

But Yours Will

–Lance Marcom, Wanna Be Writer

***

Added Value:

****

Song Dedicated to My Wayward Muse

Lena Horne – Stormy Weather (1943)

Cred for share: vintage video clips

***

“Stormy”

Santana

Cred for Vid: YVIE R.

Shit! I Am One Lazy Ess-Oh-Bee! “Sheryl Crow Dresses For Shite. She is Insane!–This Is Why I Love Her So Much. So Marvelous Much! Me Being Same–Same: Insane

OMG!

Whatever Went So Horribly Wrong With Me?

I truly do not understand the Mathematics of My life.

My Slide-Rule is Broken

***

No Glamour Found There:

Only Talent & Sincerity

I’ve got a crummy job;

It don’t pay near enuff

I don’t have diddly squat

Lighten Up!

Soak Up The Sun, Son

Mistake? I Don’t Think So

Sheryl, I ADORE You

Sheryl!!!

I Miss Shonnie So Much.

She Always Re-mined’ed Me Of Sheryl

–On Steroids

I Fucked Up!

I Lost Her!

Yeah, It Happens

Seems to Happen to Me Far Too Mucho Much!

***

“Shonnie: Just Some Last Thoughts & One “Reminisce”–

***

Important ‘Breaking News’ Re: Shonnie’s ‘Make-Over'”

Let’s Get This Out of the Way First:

“SPOILER ALERT!”

Do NOT Read Unless You are Already Familiar With The Story from Reading the Original Series.

Skip Ahead to Here:

Author’s Note:

Some of Y’all Faithful Readers… (That is Not Sarcasm. I sincerely appreciate all Y’all who read me and have ‘Read’ me over the years, and tears, and beers)

some of Y’all have probably noticed I have been re-visiting old work and endeavoring to ‘re-work’ same.

I am doing this because a few of the old posts still have value and meaning for me and hopefully for you as well.

Most do not, but there are a handful that do.

“Shonnie”, being one of them.

“Are you going ‘somewhere’ with this Lance?”

Yes. I just wish to inform Y’all that my ‘Current Mission’ is to re-write the entire Shonnie Series. Chapter One is Done. Now only Thirteen to go!”

Someone once told me, “Lance, your ‘Shonnie’ is probably the only ‘real’ writing you have ever done. Most of your other shit is just that: ‘Shit.’ Granted, some of it is entertaining shit, but ‘shit’ it remains. ‘Shonnie’ is the only one that will ever have even a snowflake’s chance in Hell of getting published. Provided you allow a good editor to slice and dice it.”

“Uh… Nice ‘talkin’ to ya. Thanks.”

****

I killed this Series a few years ago.

Pretty Certain Alcohol was involved.

Anyway, I brought it back, (With the help of Word Press—Thank you WP) if for nothing else, my own edification.

And every word I wrote, everything I recounted, actually happened as written.

(And of course, it was resurrected because I love Sheryl Crow. And of course, as a vain writer, I just cannot cotton to killing my own words, once dragged out of my mind and put down. Hahahaha! Writers! Y’all know what I mean.)

 Please Bare er, ‘bear’…  with me on this one Y’all.

Time always makes things (memories) better. This is how I cope. As for me and Shonnie, memories are multiplied, ‘super-sized’, if you will.

The words I wrote of our relationship are all too true. I do hope she never reads those words, as neither she nor I are strong enough to re-live those heady days. This is how life is and I suppose how it should be.

One is young twice, but old only once. ‘Once a Man and Twice a Child’.

And youth makes one do stupid shit based upon that ‘youth’, and then, if lucky, one has a chance for redemption later in life while old and hopefully ‘wise,’ and before that ‘Second Childhood’ kicks in, making one fairly useless, even if still lovable.

(Not religious redemption: human redemption) I do not apologize for my youthful indiscretions. They belong to me alone and I will carry them alone. 

If anyone has it in their head after reading my story of Lance and Shonnie, that I did not truly love her, that I allowed her to set me free for my own self-preservation, that I did not want to fight for her, then you may want to go back and read between the lines a bit.

And with that ‘mini-rant’ spotlight shined into my soul, I leave you with this idealized and fantasized version of what Shonnie meant to me.

(Ms Shonnie’s part played and well-acted by Sheryl Crow.) Yet as good as Sheryl is, she could never be as good to, nor for me, as was Shonnie.

Ever.

(But, I’d grant her an audition, none-the-less)

It shames me now to admit this but I was, back then, not strong enough to be Shonnie’s man.

Would that I could be granted a second chance

And, even now, today, I probably still am not. Never will be strong enough

If you are new here and confused, here is the beginning of this little saga: 

Shonnie, The Biker’s Wife

 Go there with my Blessing

And my Sympathy

Cheers! Y’all!

Below You Will Find Most Of The Original Posts. Once / If You Arrive At Thirteen There Are Links To The Final Few Chapters. Please keep in mind however, that each and every one of them is in the process of being rewritten: first to last. This will probably take at least two or three weeks.

UPDATE: The Shonnie Reconstruction Project is Completed.

Please read the new versions.

They are all still truth. Truth expanded. More detail, yada yada yada…

I deleted the links to the original versions.

The links seem to have been confusing.

The new ones are all easily accessible.