WASTED

Perfect!

Gonna add this to my Life’s Soundtrack:

Soon available as a Box’d-Up Set

Available At Fine Book Stores Everywhere.

(If you have a time-machine)

But Now! However…. No!

Wait! No Fine Book Stores Left???”

No kinda, semi-fine Bookstores?”

No sorta-fine Bookstores?”

No Marginally Fine Bookstores?”

No Mediocre-Fine Bookstores?”

No Bargain – Basement Bookstores?”

“NO!”

Well… Fuck me Then! I Quit!”

“Lance, You are already Proper-Fucked!

And you can’t quit: you are an indentured

servant-tude—

Dude”

******

Try Amazon.

Free Shipping…If you have been ‘Primed.’

But ‘BYOP’– Bring Yer Own Pump.

************

“And I could have done so many things Baby

If I could only stop my mind

From wondering what I left behind

And from worrying about this wasted time.”

****

“Oh My God! What’s Happening to me?”

*************

Bonus Track:

BONUS BONUS DOUBLE BONUS TRACK:

Street Cred: JoniJourney

*************

Cheers Y’all!

******

“You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch, this far down the line.”

I’m afraid….

It’s all been wasted time.”

****

Yeah! I fucked up the lyrcs—Go ahead, ask me how many fuks I give.

I can save you from the Mathematical Pain:

Lance casually regards slide-rule.

Picks up same.

Works it.

“Ching! Ching! Ching! Bing!”

Lance regards the slide-rule….

.*******

Then announces:

Survey Says:

Zero!

Zero Fucks Given!

****

Thank You;

Drive through.

Windows Are Not Impediments in My World:

Merely Distractions.

How did I get so drunk so fast?

I only had sixteen glasses of wine in twelve minutes!

Scuze for a moment.

Bill Gates is on CNN.

I have to remove a shoe, so that I might puke into it.

BRB!

OK.

I tried and tried and I tried!

To get through this CNN interview with

Bill Gates.

Could not take any more!

Picked up my TV and threw it out the window.

(It, the window, was not open)

It is open now…

I hear sirens in the distance.

Growing louder, and louder!

Ooops!

“And you can’t find your waitress with a Geiger Counter.”

Been there.

Too many times…

The computer has been Drinking.

Not me!

Vid Credit: MasterBiblicalMemory

Genius!

**********

I only Drop This In Because I like It!

This Would Not Be A Proper TT&H Post W/O Some Joni!

(And I Love Joni!)

Y’all Know That!

.

Meet Mr. Lance, BROADCAST NEWS JUNKIE

Yes, this is a ‘Shit Post’

Fuck it!

But it is a light-hearted Shit Post, mocking me even more than I mock Broadcast News: CNN, MSNBC, Fox, Etcetera & Ad Nausea

And I am stalling, waiting for MS Muse to respond to my recent

Proposal of Marriage

She is sitting on the couch as I type these words.

(Yeah, she came home after the lights and water were restored)

I am beginning to find her a ‘fair-weather’ muse. Just sayin’.

Don’t matter. I still love her.

She had all her props:

  • Glass of Pinot.
  • Virginia Slim
  • Cell Phone
  • IPad
  • NY Times, Washington Post, And Waco Weekly Wipe
  • Attitude

Yeah. There’s that.

Always that.

Always That Attitude: Nuclear Option

*****

This post cannot stand alone on my prose.

The vids are requisite.

The volume is borked. So CRANK it up. (Video Credit: Video Music, via The YouTubes—Duh!)

Love Broadcast News.

Love Mocking Broadcast News.

Love the Eye-Candy ‘Info-Babes’ on Broadcast News. (Broadcast News puts the ‘Broad’ in News)

Andrea Tantaros CNN Bra Size & Measurements

Andrea Tantaros: CNN, Bra Size & Measurements

(Guys, you know you want me to drop the link. No! Suffer in Silence)

*******

Love that I harbor no true malice toward Broadcast News, but G’damn! they are so transparent with their bias.

Added Value: Holly-Go-Lightly

I sincerely hope you have enjoyed this brief interlude shit post I wrote while cooling my heels waiting for MS Muse to respond to my Proposal of Marriage

Cheers!

(‘Story at Eleven’)

*****

Bonus ‘Added Value’

Credit to John Ward: Genius Man

“No, it’s awful.”

My Cross to bear

My Spirit ‘Man-able’: Ted Koppel

Video Compilation Credit Below: iLoveChrisCuomo

Uh… Homo-Erotica?

CNN: The Most Trusted Name In News?

Am I homo-phobic?

No! But these two wear me out!

Some of my Best Friends are Fags (This is a JOKE BTW!)

“I love you Don Lemon.”

You never fail to entertain.

Now Please Excuse me while I puke—‘vacuate’ my stomach.

And my mind.

“The Memes Become Reality”

–IanMilesCheong

Don & Chris:

Two Marshmallows Colliding in Mid-Air:

Ignore the below, the last on your radio dial, because WordPress is FUCKED UP!

Won’t let me delete it!

It just keeps spinning ‘round an’ ‘round sucking up bandwidth.

Bandwidth I have not to spare,

Nor desire to share.

Fuck you WordPress!

“Uploading” it perpetually says.

Hey Whore-Press!

How ‘bout I ‘upload’ my Nine Millimeter into your dome?

How would that grab ya?

Add-Din-Dumb:

I got ‘on the horn’ w/WP

Kind service rep fixed my problem.

Toot Sweet

All-in-all, WP has Great Customer Service.

No denying that.

I take back my un-happy words hurled at WordPress… until the next time…

Abusive, Pissed Off Severely, Majorly Pissed Off Muse

I was wasting my time and cooling my heels re-watching ‘The Wire’, and getting pleasantly smashed while drinking beer and wine. It was shaping up to be a good day.

Presently, I heard screeching tires and gravel slinging and peppering against my window.

Most Def, MY Muse, just returning from Yet-Another-Waco Trip to check on Her ‘Other’ Client… had come home.

Apparently she had received an ‘Infidelity Alert’ on Her Cell Phone.

(Yeah, That is an Actual ‘Real-World-Muse App.’)

An App She, I assume, Paid Good Money For, And To My Misfortune. She’d Had Time To Read/Listen To The Message as she was driving home to Me. I had quickly reached this assumption—not as dumb as I appear at first glance.

She was getting her money’s worth.

And I knew instinctively that I was properly fucked.

(Iraq was never this scary)

She Burst in with Fire-in-Her Eyes.

I ran for the head, shut and locked the door.

Muse screamed at me, “Bring your Cheating Ass out here RIGHT NOW, OR I’M GONNA HUFF AND PUFF!”

I cautiously unlocked and opened the door.

Time to Face Her Music.

She didn’t physically attack me, (this time), But The Fire Flashing from Her Eyes was more than enough. Way more than enough.

“You Ungrateful, Ignorant Bastard! Did you not think I would read that Lame-Ass Post Fawning all over that Hippy Slut Suzanne Verdal?! You wrote, and I quote, and let me remind you, you are rarely ‘quotable,’ You wrote,  

‘Fascinatingly, Beautiful, Fantastic, Ethereal Woman.

And The Quintessential, Perfect Muse.’

 You ASSHOLE!”

“But, I was trying to illustrate how even Leonard Cohen needed a Great Muse, just as I do. Writers are NOTHING Without Their Muses. And you are The Greatest Muse in All of Christendom.”

“Shut the Fuck up. Don’t try to blow smoke up my ass!”

“But Musey, I stammered…”

“What part of ‘Shut-The-Fuck-up’ do you not understand? Park your ass in front of that keyboard and ‘try’ to ‘write’ something half-ass decent. If you can do that, I may, maybe, just consider forgiving you. I do make allowances for your weaknesses and your mental, lean-talent limitations. You have two hours to come up with something that may resemble ‘writing.’

And if YOU EVER call me ‘Musey’ again, ever, on any day from this day forward, that day will be your last.”

I could tell she weren’t ‘playin’, so, I ‘shut’ed’ the fuck up, deposited my ass on my writing chair and started writing.

She sat down on The Nasty Couch and turned on CNN. (She HATES CNN)—This did not bode well for her mood, nor for me.

In My Future (Perhaps):

For Reference:

More In The Abusive Muse Series

To Be Continued…

Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses–Or, What You Will

Suzanne Verdal:

Fascinatingly, Beautiful, Fantastic, Ethereal Woman.
And The Quintessential, Perfect Muse.
And this is gonna sound ‘messed up,’ but Suzanne reminds me of my Mother:
One of The ‘Original Hippy Chicks.’
(Link Also Awaiting Your Perusal at the End of this Post–‘Turtle Blues.’)

No ‘New’ Prose From Me Found Here Today.

Just some very-much-worth-watching videos

If you are a ‘writer,’ that is

Enjoy.

I Will Pen Some-New-Shit…

Presently

Soon

Probably

Maybe

Hopefully

****

If you have yet to read my “Abusive Muse” Series,

you may discover the link at the bottom of this post.

Cheers Y’all!

And WRITE ON!

Cohen’s Writing ‘Process.’

As Promised Up Above:

Original HIPPY CHICK

I LOVE You MOM!

HAHAHAHA!

(If you do not Appreciate My Sense of Twisted Humor, You Most-Likely took a wrong Turn at Albuquerque)

Video Credit:  ‘Joni Journey’

SPAM ALERT! “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” (Posted on FaceFuk Today—Not Sure Why)

SPAM ALERT! “DANGER WILL ROBINSON!” (Posted on FaceFuk Today—Not Sure Why)

*****

I posted this on 26 January, but I don’t think ‘it took.’ So here it is again.

Yep. SPAM

Recycled

Will Write Some New, Original Shit Real Soon.

Promise.

(Hey! I still have that bridge for sale–20 percent off–Today Only.)

I am rather proud (There is that ‘Vanity’ Thang again—Rearing its ugly head) of me for the construction of this one. But It was sincere and it was ‘heartfelt.’

There is a plethora of Upbeat, Happy, and Positive Stolen Content. —Take a look.

My Good Friends, Yes, times are severely Fukked Right Now. We all know this, but, if we lose our optimism, positivity, and hope, and give in to Nattering Nabobs of Negativity, (CNN, I’m staring/glaring at YOU!)

Then We become Part of The Problem, and not The Solution.

Keep the Faith Friends. Stay Positive, Optimistic, and Joyous. Life is a Gift, no Matter The Current State of Fukked-Up we find The Times to be. Things will Get Better. They Always Do. 

(I missed my ‘Calling!’ I should have been a preacher! Joke, By the Way,)

END OF SERMON

(And Don’t Neglect The Tithing Plates — Commentary and Feedback)

Cheers!

****

Credit to Spiro Agnew For The ‘Nattering Nabobs’ quote. I endeavor to always Give Credit Where Credit is due—Speaking of, I have maxed out two of my five credit cards. I may need to win the lottery soon—just to maintain my luxurious, glamorous lifestyle.

And here is The Genesis: (You really did not think Spiro had The Smarts to come up with this on his own, did you?)

“The term was used by William Safire in a speech written for United States Vice President Spiro Agnew in 1970, which received heavy media coverage. Agnew, increasingly identified with his attacks on critics of the Nixon administration, described these opponents as “nattering nabobs of negativism”.