Category Archives: Christmas

Reflecting Back, I Probably Should Stop Smoking Crack… I Cannot Believe I Actually WroteThis Shite—Let Alone, Published It is A Really Looong Post. El Stupido! Ya Know?! No! LANCE! dON’T dO iT! dON’T rE-pOST iT! (Sorry. Caps Lock Malfunction Junction)

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“But I Was Just Searchin’ For My ‘Happy Face / Place. Sorry, But Christmas Won’t Come Early enuff this Year”

https://texantales.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=63428&action=edit

Found It Hare/Here!

(Booze Is Helpful Too)

Be Happy & Rejoice!

Git After It Y’all.

Nothin’ But Love For All My Readers–Both Of You!

BE HAPPY!

Lance Old Geezer Happy Face:

This is as Good

as it gets

In j-my Mouse House

***

“More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”

–A Re-Werked,

Re-Twerked

Marvelous-Much

Batch Of Shit

That Makes Me HAPPY

****

Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Up-Coming Season.

Yes! I Am An Atheist!

But I Still Love Christmas!

Please Enjoy This Post Avec Le Videos,.

J’espère Vous Do Yu (VooDoo?

You too? Day-um!

Guess I am Not As Alone as I Thot I was)”

I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

Not To Over-State The Oblivious, vi-we Owe U Us, But This Is A Happy, Upbeat Post I Humbly Submit

As My Early Christmas Gift

To All My Readers.

All Of You:

All Four of You

Cheers!

Hey! Hey! José!

How are You today?

Okay?

May I See Yer Green Card?

By the way

J/K

Credit: José Feliciano

It’s The Time of the Season

For Reason

For Tolerance

For Compassion

Love the too short clip of Liz in this video–

Only Lance Would Notice that slight…

Lots of tits and ass though–

I Like That in a Video( Think I ‘caught a brief, very Brief, Glimpse of Ann Margaret in this Vid, But I should Probably stop drinkin’….

Cred for Vid: andrew91118

And I Shall Always Remain Thankful For What I’ve Got

And Merci Curtis–I Shall Never Grow Weary of This Classic Song. Your Words Have Guided My Life’s Philosophy Ever Since I First Heard Them,

So Many Many Years & Beers & Happy Tears Ago

Cred: Curtis Mayfield

https://texantales.com/2020/11/05/shit-that-makes-me-happy-oh-and-dick-latson-those-memories-make-me-happy-too/

Yeah, I’m A Happy Camper

Credit: Pharrell Williams

Credit: Sam O’Nella

***

JAY & THE TECHNIQUES – APPLES, PEACHES, PUMPKIN PIE

“Marry You So You Don’t Roam”–

Yer Kiddin’, Right?

Vid Share Cred: ILMJXXX

****

Annie Hall

That’s All!

“And That’s All I’m Gonna Say About That.”

(Thank You Forrest; You May Go Now)

“Annie, talk to them. You speak shellfish.”

You gots to be mo’ careful

MUST WATCH!

HILARIOUS

Crab Lady

Cred for Share: K. Antoinette

****

Born in Arizona; Moved To Oklahoma…. Wait! Whaaat???

Street Cred: SNL

***

Egyptian: Walk This Way

Okay?

Cred: The Bangles

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Two More Bottles Of Wine

Cred for Vid Share: Ultimatekaya

Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!)

****

Martians Are Summoning Me!

“Linda, You got Some ‘Splaining to do”

Cred For vid: John Prine

Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind.

(I can certainly relate)

One More From Beautifully Lovely Emmylou:

Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight 

(Volume is Borked–Crank This One Y’all)

Cred for Vid Share: TopPop

Best lyric from this song:
“It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.”

Or this one: “There ain’t no way to stop the water”

(It’s a ‘photo finish.’)

Such a wonderful song. I love you Emmylou!

*****

Best Movie to Come Out Of The Nineties?

Probably

All Signs Point To

Yes!

Oh Hell Yes!

Cred for Vid Clip Share: manetaki

****

King Arthur’s Footnote:

I “Lift” A Lot From The Inner-Webs

But I am No Thief.

I ALWAYS Endeavor to CRED

(Unless it isn’t blatantly obvious–yet even then… I try to do it–Someone took the time and the bandwidth to bother to upload it. And I appreciate that)

Whenever I can and can Find The Time, I cred, and if I don’t have the time at that moment, I come back. Always.

If I push that Back, I come back until Later and Fix any Over-Sight/Slight

Thank You

This point is Important to Me.

It is a simple matter of respect for T

he Work of Others who Do My Heavy Lifting for Me

That’s all.

*****

Aretha Franklin – Respect [1967]

Street Cred for Vid: TatanBrown

Christmass Rapidly App’roach–eth It’s The Time of the Season to Be Happy & Rejoice! Git After It Y’all.

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eth

Merry Christmas! “More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”–A Re-Werked, Marvelous-Much Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Season. Please Enjoy. J’espère Vous Do (VooDoo? You too? Day-um! Guess I am Not As Alone as I Thot I was)

I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

Not To Over-State The Obvious, But This Is A Happy, Upbeat Post I Humbly Submit

As My Early Christmas Gift

To All My Readers.

All Of You:

All Four of You

Cheers!

Hey! Hey! José!

How are You today?

Okay?

May I See Yer Green Card?

By the way

J/K

It’s The Time of the Season

For Reason

For Tolerance

For Compassion

Cred for Vid: andrew91118

And I Shall Always Remain Thankful For What I’ve Got

And Merci Curtis–I Shall Never Grow Weary of This Classic Song. Your Words Have Guided My Life’s Philosophy Ever Since I First Heard Them,

So Many Many Years & Beers & Happy Tears Ago

https://texantales.com/2020/11/05/shit-that-makes-me-happy-oh-and-dick-latson-those-memories-make-me-happy-too/

Yeah, I’m A Happy Camper

Credit: Pharrell Williams

Credit: Sam O’Nella

***

JAY & THE TECHNIQUES – APPLES, PEACHES, PUMPKIN PIE

Vid Share Cred: ILMJXXX

****

Annie Hall

That’s All!

“And That’s All I’m Gonna Say About That.”

(Thank You Forrest; You May Go Now)

“Annie, talk to them. You speak shellfish.”

You gots to be mo’ careful:

****

Born in Arizona; Moved To Oklahoma…. Wait! Whaaat???

***

Egyptian: Walk This Way

Okay?

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Two More Bottles Of Wine

Cred for Vid Share: Ultimatekaya

Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!)

****

Martians Are Summoning Me!

“Linda, You got Some ‘Splaining to do”

Cred For vid: John Prine

Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind.

(I can certainly relate)

One More From Beautifully Lovely Emmylou:

Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight 

(Volume is Borked–Crank This One Y’all)

Cred for Vid Share: TopPop

Best lyric from this song:
“It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.”

Or this one: “There ain’t no way to stop the water”

(It’s a ‘photo finish.’)

Such a wonderful song. I love you Emmylou!

*****

Best Movie to Come Out Of The Nineties?

Probably

All Signs Point To

Yes!

Oh Hell Yes!

Cred for Vid Clip Share: manetaki

****

King Arthur’s Footnote:

I “Lift” A Lot From The Inner-Webs

But I am No Thief.

I ALWAYS Endeavor to CRED

(Unless it isn’t blatantly obvious–yet even then… I try to do it–Someone took the time and the bandwidth to bother to upload it. And I appreciate that)

Whenever I can and can Find The Time, I cred, and if I don’t have the time at that moment, I come back. Always.

If I push that Back, I come back until Later and Fix any Over-Sight/Slight

Thank You

This point is Important to Me.

It is a simple matter of respect for The Work of Others who Do My Heavy Lifting for Me

That’s all.

*****

Aretha Franklin – Respect [1967]

Street Cred for Vid: TatanBrown

Speaking of… NY City & Liza Minnelli… CNN Ruined My New Year’s Eve Experience!

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I NEVER Go Out On New Years Eve.

Why? One might ask.

I refuse to drink with amateurs.

That’s why.

***

I’m just a-sittin’ here, tryin’ to get drunker ‘n’ Cooter Brown.

And BTW, Who The Fu*k is ‘Cooter Brown’?

Found Him!

Bears a Striking Resemblance to Your

Humble Raconteur

(Ain’t He Precious & Cute & Cuddly?)

HaHaHa!

****

I LOVE NYC (or at least my fantasy nostalgic version of it from The Forties)
For Lance, The New Year Only Begins when New York City drops that Big Ball in Times’ Square.
This year they ‘Dropped the Proverbial Ball.”

(Or did drop the Actual Beautiful Big Shiny Ball–I honestly don’t know–Because–CNN)

And chose to broadcast fucking car commercials instead.
Fu*k you NYC! I am finally so OVER You!
(I am gonna remain in Texas.)
IF they did actually literally drop the Big Ball, fuck you CNN because you did NOT SHOW it.
Fucked up my New Years’ EVE Experience
Fu*k you CNN!
(If anyone can find a video of the Ball Drop from tonight, 2020, if there actually is one, please send it to me—I wanna see it)
I am so pissed that I don’t even wanna watch Lame-Ass Don Lemon get drunk.

(What a Fuckkking IDIOT Moron HE is, but THAT IS A DIFFERENT POST)

From a recent Facefuk Post of Mine:

“I CANNOT wait to watch DON LEMON make a complete and absolute ass/fool of himself tonight.

He never fails to ‘deliver.’  And make me LMFAO!

(Watching CNN ‘do’ NEW YEARS EVE has become a Lance Marcom ‘Family Tradition.’)”

Fu*k it!

The Magic is GONE!
Not a propitious beginning for 21!
I fear we are gonna be more properly FU*KED than we already are….
We got No Karma to cash in.

The below is a powerfully, passionate, Magical rendition of one of my all-time favorite songs.
Way to Go Liza!

“Liza with A ‘Z’”

(Only ‘true’ Liza Fans will Catch the reference)
Bravo!
I have always loved you ‘Lisa’…

Opps! Sorry! Oh of course, only real Liza fans will get the joke.
(But of course, you already know that)

OK. Just gonna throw this in for reference (This post is all over the place. Unlikely I will ever ‘come back’ and clean it up)

Anyway… more on Liza:

“Liza with a ‘Z’. Not ‘Lisa’ with an ‘S’”
–Liza
(Old album of hers that I wore out listening to over and over and over and over again.)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWURas7fYwk

I love you Liza!

This Rare Time, The ‘Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences’

Got it Right:

Life is a Fucking Cabaret.
Try Living it!

*******

Oh! And lest I forget to drop this in:

I also laugh my ass off watching these Bobbsey Twin Idiots:
Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper
CNN, You are a FU*KING JOKE!
I don’t want to be unkind, but these two assholes wear me out with their fake, forced banter.

FUCK YOU CNN!

I drop in something more “Happy” and “Upbeat” Below

FUCK TWENTY-TWENTY VISION!

(I have reading glasses–I can see the truth)

FUCK 2020!

(And YOUR lack of Compassion for Humanity)

“Hey Twenty-Twenty One!

Don’t make me angry.

You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

(Just trust me on this and keep your mouth shut and your ears open)

And of course, I am the quintessential ‘Dancing Clown’

(This should go without saying)

There has never been, nor never will be, a woman in ‘my life’–virtual or otherwise–that I will love more than Joni.

And if you have ‘groan-tired’ of me bangin’ on about (Joan) Joni you are visiting the wrong blog. Go Away!

“Cherchez la femme
Whenever love comes around
Someone’s a dancin’ clown
Cherchez la femme
Whenever hearts start to pound
Someone’s a dancin’ clown”

C’est moi Joni.

C’est Moi!

A Dancing clown.

C’est Moi!

More Joni may be found here (If you give a fuck, that is)

Christmas Rapidly Approacheth. Better Strap On & Hang On! Christmas in Cali: Nineteen Hundred Sixty & Seven. Year of My Lost Innocence-Reality-Dance.

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Spoiled Beyond Redemption–Childish, Still Selfish, But Took My First Unsteady Step Toward Becoming A Man, A Good Man–An Aware Man–A Lesson That Has Served Me Well. Hope You Can Tell.

***

Joni Mitchell – “River” | cover by Delila (TLI)

“It’s Comin’ On Christmas”

The Most Beautiful & Talented

Delila Paz

The Last Internationale:

(They Are Just The Two–But So Were Sonny & Cher–So There!)

***

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS (John Lennon)

Cred For Vid Share: mhelchi

***

Dateline: December 1967

Location: Fremont, California

Situation: Christmas

Subject: One Lance a. Marcom, A Child of Ten Name Days

****

Christmas of ’67.

I shall never forget.

Nope.

Never.

Taught me an invaluable lesson About Myself and about how the World ‘works,’ (and sometimes doesn’t work)

*****

In the weeks leading up to Christmas that year, I had two competing sets of competitive (for my love) grandparents, both were in Texas. Both had ‘money to burn.”

They chose to ‘burn it’ upon the only ‘man’ grandchild in the family:

Me.

Every single day, multiple packages would arrive at 39613 Bruning Street, Fremont, California.

A ‘modest’ dwelling which I have spilled much virtual ink on…

On The Street Where I Lived

Mom and I (and Mike) lived there.

We had a lovely Christmas tree in our living room.

Mom and I had spent more than a few hours and days in fact, decorating it while playing Christmas music on our old worn out record player.

Happy times.

Then the packages rolled in.
Every day!

All addressed to ME!

So many wrapped gifts—only for me!

So many, in fact, that we had to erect a second tree in my bedroom to ‘fit’ all MY presents underneath.

I was very excited—could not sleep on Christmas eve.

I suppose eventually I did (fall asleep)

Christmas Morning!

Finally!

My Anticipation!

Would Now finally Be Sated!

Long/Short:

Took  me no less than an hour to open all my myriad presents

Gilded Age!

Spoiled Child!

First I filled the bed.

Ran out of room.

Filled the top of my dresser.

Ran out of room.

Filled my little desk.

Ran out of room.

Piled some on my chair.

Ran out of room.

Put the rest on the floor.

Finally Finished!

I surveyed the room with all the wonderful toys.

Some stark realization hit me:

All these ‘things’ did not make me ‘happy’

Rather the opposite.

I took my arm and swept all the gifts from my bed.

Threw myself down, face-down upon my bed and wept. Buried my face deep into my pillow Wept some more.

Loudly

Mom came rushing in.

“What’s wrong Son?” She asked.

“I have too many presents!” I cried.

Wrong Answer Sailor!

The next Christmas I got next to normal nothing.

That was when I first learned to keep my thoughts and ‘sorrows’ to myself.

***

Bonus Material:

Joni Mitchell

River

Credit For Video (Share?): sherrylynn70 aka Sentimental Journey Productions

****

Author’s Footnote:

I would love to be able to say I asked My Mother to Donate most of my Christmas Gifts to Charity. But That Would Be A Lie.

So I won’t Say It.

Merry Christmas Y’all!

*****

******

I Was Searchin’ For My ‘Happy Face / Place” Found It Hare! (Booze Is Helpful Too) Be Happy & Rejoice! Git After It Y’all. Nothin’ But Love For My Readers–Both Of You!

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Lance Old Geezer Happy Face:

This is as Good

as it gets

In j-my Mouse House

***

“More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”

–A Re-Werked,

Re-Twerked

Marvelous-Much

Batch Of Shit

That Makes Me HAPPY

****

Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Up-Coming Season.

Yes! I Am An Atheist!

But I Still Love Christmas!

Please Enjoy This Post Avec Le Videos,.

J’espère Vous Do Yu (VooDoo?

You too? Day-um!

Guess I am Not As Alone as I Thot I was)”

I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

I’d cred thid, but Y’all already Know Who She Is!

Not To Over-State The Oblivious, vi-we Owe U Us, But This Is A Happy, Upbeat Post I Humbly Submit

As My Early Christmas Gift

To All My Readers.

All Of You:

All Four of You

Cheers!

Hey! Hey! José!

How are You today?

Okay?

May I See Yer Green Card?

By the way

J/K

Credit: José Feliciano

It’s The Time of the Season

For Reason

For Tolerance

For Compassion

(Love the too short clip of Liz in this video–

Only Lance Would Notice that slight…)

Cred for Vid: andrew91118

And I Shall Always Remain Thankful For What I’ve Got

And Merci Curtis–I Shall Never Grow Weary of This Classic Song. Your Words Have Guided My Life’s Philosophy Ever Since I First Heard Them,

So Many Many Years & Beers & Happy Tears Ago

Cred: Curtis Mayfield

Shit That Makes Me Happy (OH, and Dick Latson–Those Memories Make Me Happy Too)

Yeah, I’m A Happy Camper

Credit: Pharrell Williams

Credit: Sam O’Nella

***

JAY & THE TECHNIQUES – APPLES, PEACHES, PUMPKIN PIE

Vid Share Cred: ILMJXXX

****

Annie Hall

That’s All!

“And That’s All I’m Gonna Say About That.”

(Thank You Forrest; You May Go Now)

“Annie, talk to them. You speak shellfish.”

You gots to be mo’ careful

MUST WATCH!

HILARIOUS

Crab Lady!

Oh My Gawd!

I’m in LOVE!

Cred for Share: K. Antoinette

****

Born in Arizona; Moved To Oklahoma…. Wait! Whaaat???

Street Cred: SNL

***

Egyptian: Walk This Way

Okay?

Cred: The Bangles

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Two More Bottles Of Wine

Cred for Vid Share: Ultimatekaya

Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!)

****

Martians Are Summoning Me!

“Linda, You got Some ‘Splaining to do”

Cred For vid: John Prine

Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind.

(I can certainly relate)

One More From Beautifully Lovely Emmylou:

Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight 

(Volume is Borked–Crank This One Y’all)

Cred for Vid Share: TopPop

Best lyric from this song:
“It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.”

Or this one: “There ain’t no way to stop the water”

(It’s a ‘photo finish.’)

Such a wonderful song. I love you Emmylou!

*****

Best Movie to Come Out Of The Nineties?

Probably

All Signs Point To

Yes!

Oh Hell Yes!

Cred for Vid Clip Share: manetaki

****

King Arthur’s Footnote:

I “Lift” A Lot From The Inner-Webs

But I am No Thief.

I ALWAYS Endeavor to CRED

(Unless it isn’t blatantly obvious–yet even then… I try to do it–Someone took the time and the bandwidth to bother to upload it. And I appreciate that)

Whenever I can and can Find The Time, I cred, and if I don’t have the time at that moment, I come back. Always.

If I push that Back, I come back until Later and Fix any Over-Sight/Slight

Thank You

This point is Important to Me.

It is a simple matter of respect for The Work of Others who Do My Heavy Lifting for Me

That’s all.

*****

Aretha Franklin – Respect [1967]

Street Cred for Vid: TatanBrown

OH My Goodness gRAY–CRa–OUS! GOd! This Is Stupid And Probably Self-In Criminal-I-Zatin’ Ating. Ex-Panda-X-PandeR-red: 0534hrs, 11/11/2021– s. “Sorry God… Perhaps Next Time. Naw!”

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Please Revisit

Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store,

Chapter Four

I added Some ‘I Love Lucy’ and ‘Speaker Sam’ Shit—

Bonham. LMFAO!

(And Lest I Forget: Ol’ Saint Nick)

No Jesu

RIP!

BTW I Always Hated

Bonham Texas

Just Sayin’

Gavin DeGraw – Fire:

*****

After my encounter with the Texas Highway Patrol,

Madelyn’s car and I limped into Bonham–Somewat spittin’ an’ a sputtterin’.

I was spittin’; the car was sputterin’…

(Madelyn was never worth-a-shit at maintaining her vehicle, or me, Her Ever- Loyal, Ever-Loving Brother…)

I drove through the ugliest Town Square in Texas and pulled into the alley behind Richard’s Jeans.

Bonham!

Gag Me!

What A Shit Hole!

The ONLY Saving Grace That Bonham Ever Had, or will Ever Have, is that Sam Rayburn Lived There

(and died there)

But He Wasn’t From There

He Was Born in Kingston, Tennessee

“Speaker Sam”

Sam Rayburn Library and Museum.

Bonham, Texas

*****

Parked the little Maddy Chariot, and ‘prayed’ it would crank when I was ready to depart.

Probably shoulda just left the engine running, but I ain’t all that smart.

Fished the key Madelyn had given me and walked around to the front door of the store.

Surveyed the square—weren’t no one there—was The Fourth of July, as I have said.

Let myself in.

Went back to the back door and let myself out.

Retrieved the lighter fluid from the car and went back inside.

I studied the layout of the store.

Several racks of jeans displayed in the middle of the establishment.

Perfect!

I douched two of them down with the lighter fluid.

Pulled out Maddy’s Zippo

Whoosh!

Beat feet out the back door.

Closed it behind me and then as an after-thought, I kicked it in.

Thinking I wanted this to look like arson.

Stupid decision on my part, looking back…

Anyhow, I jumped into The Lil Chariot.

Turned the ignition.

‘Clik clik clik!’

Shit!

Now, I was properly

FUCKED!

Stuck in the alley-way of a building I had just set to flame!

“Lucy, You got some Splainin’ to do!”

*******

Apparently, this was NEVER said in the Show–

This Revelation, Discovered so Late in My Life,

Has Ruined MY LIFE!

Street Cred for Vid: MoneyBags73

And YES!

I Searched All OVER The Internet!

Could NOT Find a Single Clip–Sound Nor Vid!

Shit!

What’s Next?

There Ain’t No Santa Claus??

Never Was?

And All That Wasted Postage I Mailed To a ‘Dead-Letter’ Box!

And Y’all Wonder Why Lance is an Atheist

********

I jumped out, popped the hood and, finding a piece of pipe lying on the ground, proceeded to beat the hell outta the starter. Slammed the hood.

Got back into the car and tried again.

She cranked right up!

I sped away in a cloud of dust and flying gravel.

Hoping Madelyn would love me so much more.

For Doing So Much More Than I Had Ever Done For Her Before

(If Y’all Don’t Read The Previous Chapters, None of This Will Make Any Sense–

Not That It Does Anyway…)

***

I LOVED

Madelyn

So Much!

To Be Continued…

*****

:

Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Chapter Three: Highway Patrol Encounter on My Way To The Scene of the Crime

Chapter Two:

Richard & His Lame-Ass Jeans Store Chapter Les Deux (My Love–My Sister–My Madelyn)

Chapter One:

This is a Work of FICTION! Because I Do Not Know if There is a Statute of Limitations on Arson. Not Any Word of this Story is True. It is ALL FICTION. That Said, This is Another Madelyn & Lance Tale (Fictional!)

*****

BONUS!

“Down The Road In A Cloud of SMOKE!”

JJ Walker

*****