Category Archives: Copenhagen Snuff

Y’all Know This Drill: PLEASE Re-Visit–I DID. Tanks In Advance. “This Was Ostensibly Meant To Be A Tongue – in- Cheek Fun Post,

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But A ‘Friend’ Fuk’t It Up For Me & Pissed Me Off!

So, Natch, I Un-Loaded Both My Shot Gun Barrels Toward His / Hers General Vicinity”

But Some Asshole Took Offense Becuz I Used The ‘C’ Word–

Perhaps I’ll ‘Clean it Up Later–

But Don’T /Count Down’–

U May Drown.

*****

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie – Drowning

Cred Fer Vid: A Boogie Wit da Hoodie

*****

It Was Directed At ME! No One Else But Me! ME FOR FUCK SAKE!

If You Be Too Stupid To Understand That Go Find Some Cute Kitten Vids To Explore & Enjoy!

Jeeze Louise!

Rent a Sense of Humor!

“Just a Quick One For Fun

(Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)”

Read the comment here if you have no life or a min of time to waste:

barbaramullenix November 15, 2021 at 12:59 Edit:

“Well, you finally topped yourself. I have some of the ‘thickest’ skin around and you finally pissed me off enough to tell you. I don’t know the sort of women you associate with, but none, to my knowledge, after hearing the work ‘cunt’ would have anything to do with you. I would reconsider your claim to be a ‘functioning’ alcoholic if you deem some of your phrasing to be anything but misogynistic.
Goodbye, and I hope you eventually get your life together.“

***

I’m Calling ‘Bullshit’ On Her Comment:

Supercilious Bitch!

******

“misogynistic?!”

Are You fucking kidding me?!

I am about as far removed from misogyny as one can possibly be!

Read My Fuckin’ Blog!

I do nothing but celebrate & praise women on these pages!

https://texantales.com/2021/11/16/all-the-reasons-why-why-i-love-women-country-women-i-want-eighteen-wheels-but-ill-settle-for-seven-in-heaven-just-as-long-as-kathleen-alice-mattea-is-there/
https://texantales.com/2021/09/13/all-the-reasons-why-why-i-love-women/
The She Marine
OK. Another Chapter In My Continuing Series: “Women Lance Loves, Respects, and Lusts After.” Today We Bring You: “I Got It Bad For Berg.” Enjoy. And if You Ain’t Into Country Music or Beautiful Women, Skip This One

JUST One More on My Adventures With Alcohol: “Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’” “In My Dreams I Don’t Die.”

Emmylou Harris on 3/13/77 in Chicago, Il. (Paul Natkin/Image Direct)
Faith

https://texantales.com/2021/11/15/yeah-i-am-angry-today-so-what-texas-women-are-the-only-women-i-give-a-shit-about/

I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….

https://texantales.com/2021/09/01/something-about-carly-2/

Had to Re-Post! That Girl From Ipanema Made Me Do It! “Women! Love Them! Cannot Get Enough of Them!”

TEXAS WOMEN
https://texantales.com/2021/10/21/im-still-searchin-for-my-rainbow-happy-place-madonna-brings-me-happiness-endless-happy-i-love-her/

Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?”

Leonard Cohen’s Muse–Suzanne Verdal, & Musing About Muses–Or, What You Will (“And you know that she’s half-crazy”–therein lies the attraction…)

Donna, Disco, And Convicts (She married a white boy. Maybe there is hope for me??)

https://texantales.com/2015/01/03/great-song-for-a-rainy-day/

This Repost is For An Almost Friend. She Knows Who She is And Since She is NOT Stupid, SHE Will GET The Joke! And Someday Regret The LOSS of a MAN Who Tried to Adore her, even from afar! And She ain’t even pretty! But she intriqued Me! I will take intrigue over preety eight days of the week! Great Songs for a Rainy Day (Goddamn Fucking Dammmnit! I MISS Madelyn!!!!! we Both loved Joni! Almost equally, but it really wasn’t a competition!—Fuk Her! I was suppossosed to die FIrST! Then I would not have to SUFFER!)—mADDY! yOU Bitch! You skinny cunt! You had NO Right to die and leave me!!!!) Fuk Life and death and fuk me for falling in love with so many bitches I could never be in the same room with for more than five minutes! Unless it was in a bedroom or in the backseat of my car. In those rare cases I could stretch the time to six minutes!

Screw it! I am Gonna Repost This! Simply Because I ADORE THIS WOMAN! “Agnetha! Please!” (Added Some Bullshit!)

Still On My ‘Faith’ & Southern Women Kick–The Two Are The Same–Only A Southerner Will Understand, “My Humble Tribute To The Highwomen”

https://texantales.com/2021/10/21/how-many-times-have-i-re-posted-this-one-screw-it-read-it-again-i-am-over-proud-of-ittonight-tonight/

https://texantales.com/2021/10/27/abba-joni-madelyn-madelyn-madelyn-madelyn-madelyn-madelyn-cass-and-lance/

Joni: “We’re Captive on a Carousel of Time.”
https://texantales.com/2021/10/03/rickie-lee-teaser-part-duh-to-be-continued/

https://texantales.com/2021/09/25/indigo-girl-2-callen-the-one-that-got-away-2/

https://texantales.com/2021/08/30/in-need-of-a-soft-woman-2/

Just a Quick One For Fun (Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)

Today was a beautiful Texas early-autumn day.

Forever Autumn

Jeff Wayne, Richard Burton, Justin Hayward

This is a Most Beautiful Song

I Had The Entire ‘War of The Worlds’ On Cassette When I was in Sinai

Played it so much I had to buy a new copy

My cassette player ate my first

I threw THAT Cassette Player into a Wadi for The Bedouins and Bought a new, more better, more loyal one!

(Srry; I gots distracted—post is below)

Only a few problems:

I was dangerously low on booze.

(And I HATE DT MAN!)

Must Re-Post. Sorry Kiddoes! Delirium Tremens Man Showed. And This Time He Wasn’t Playin’

And it was a Sunday.

And I was drunk

I refuse to drive drunk.

Not because I fear The LAW

But because I don’t wanna harm some innocent.

I went outside and sat down.

The sky was so blue

The air was so clean

I watched three crows on the wing

Diving down ever’ once in a while…

Picking up on shiny things

Joni!

Black Crow

“I looked at the morning
After being up all night
I looked at my haggard face in the bathroom light
I looked out the window
And I I saw that ragged soul take flight
I saw a back crow flying
In a blue sky“

Had heard Timothy, my neighbor, mucking about.

Figured he could drive me to the beer store soon as they could legally (Crack of Noon in Tejas–Gotta let them Church O’ Christers outta their pen) sell me some wine or beer, or le both.

And some Copenhagen and a bit of food too (While I was at it)

But he was shade-tree mechanic working on someone’s car down the way.

So I just waited and watched the crows

And day-dreamed of booze and food….

*****

To be continued

I Promise

Copenhagen Junkie – Chris LeDoux

Vid Share Street Cred: tjcrnj

Ramen Noodle Song

Vid Cred: Cartoon Connect

****

Had to add

From the Commentary Section:

barbaramullenix to Lance:
“I love me some Ramen Noodles. Cheap too!“

****

Lance to barbaramullenix:

“Yeah, Ramen Noodles are chock – full of vitamins and minerals & nutrition come to fruition

Vitamin ‘A’ for ‘Asshole, you should not be eating this’
Vitamin ‘C’ for ‘You really are a dumb cunt, ain’t ya?’

Vitamin ‘D’ for “this Dumbass gonna eat this Shit
Mineral ‘S’ for “You’re gonna have a stroke’
Vitamin ‘E’ for ‘Eat me; see what happens to yer body’

Vitamin ‘K’ for You’re not gonna be OK, So’K?”

LOLOLOLOL!

Cheers!

–Lance

*****

Try Not To Cry!

I Must Re-Post This Because It Makes Me sad & And I Love My Pity-Parties. “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.”–W. Shakespeare (this is really long–please try to slog thru it)

Snuff In. Snuff Out. Snuffed On. Snuffed Off.

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For the sake of Fact: Copenhagen is not Truly ‘Snuff” Real Snuff Goes Up-The-Nose. Copenhagen is more like Chewing Tobacco. See There? I am a Fountain of Useless Information. Yer Welcome.

Walt Garrison: My All-Time Favorite Dallas Cowboy:

A ‘Must Listen!’ Below.

X-Two!

Sums it all up!

(Thanks to You Chris LeDoux!)

Street Cred for Shared Vid: tjcrnj

***

I dip snuff. (Copenhagen Regular Cut, for those snuff aficionados out there, who may have inquiring minds)

There! I admitted it!

cope

Finally!

After so many years of being a self-tormented closet snuffer’er I have finally come out.

I feel better.

Whew! One less load to carry. One less axe to grind. One less ass to bare. One less woman who may have been considering me with a favorable eye…

Well, three out of four favorable results will get you into the Hall of Fame.

In Baseball.

‘Tis a habit I acquired whilst in BUD/s Class 140, circa 1986.

For some uninitiated: That stands for “Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training”  SEAL Boot-Camp, if you will: Class 140.

Yup. I was almost a SEAL. Twice. But more on that in a later post. Maybe.

**************

Continue reading →

Slightly Updated: “Officer, I did Not FALL Off that Wagon; I was PUSHED. Arrest the push-er, not the push-ee.” Or, “I got tired of waking up on the freeway driving ninety.” Or, “This Post is Not the Post You Were Looking For…”

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New shit: “Nobody knows the Trouble I’ve Seen.” (And administered)

Fuk it!

(I’ll edit it later)

Goddamn it!

Git off my back!

Author’s Note (at the beginning… Yes. Yes. Fucking YES!! I know! Not Great Form!)

Fuck it!

Author’s Note:

Recent Au Courant events (Afghanistan) are bumming me out.

Charlie Wilson: “These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world… and then we fucked up the endgame.”

Nuff said?

“Yes Lance. Now STFU and write.”

“Okay.”

Okay, but…

One last ed. note:

This lame-ass post has a lot (even by my sub-standard standards)

A lot of attached… Lancelot Links and Vids.

It is highly (and drunkenly) recommended you ‘experience them all’ to get the

‘Full Benefit’

Jes sayin…

***

Now I know.

Now I know why

Now I know all the reasons whey–why

(“Lance! There is ALWAYS a Fucking Song! Ain’t they?!)

(Fuck off! Voice in my head)

And fuck you too Muse!

https://texantales.com/2020/08/27/the-abusive-muse/

Run tell all that!

****

Now I know why I get drunk

Now I know why I used to stay drunk

Now I know why it is a good thing

And good for one

To stay drunk

Simple logistics and meta-physics:

To avoid the hangovers!

“The hairs of some dogs”

As it were

The hair of Man’s Best Friend!

For lack of a reason

Hairs of dogs are in season

***

Time of The Reason-Season

“What’s your name? Who’s Your Bag-Daddy??”

“Me! C’est Moi!”

(Asshole!)

Who’s Your Daddy?

Street Cred for Vid: andrew91118

Tis reason enuff.

To dip snuff.

Snuff In. Snuff Out. Snuffed On. Snuffed Off.

(And I love dogs)

Amen

P.S. This is a ‘temporary’ affliction. It too shall pass.

“How do you know this Doctor Marcom?”

“Because I have been to Drunken Med School Grasshopper.”

This Computer Has Been Drinking (Not Me)

Street Cred for Vid: MasterBiblicalMemory

***

“But, Dr. Marcom, none shall pass. Pass out perhaps, but ‘pass’? Naw.”

None shall pass thru this life unscathed.

“Oye vay of little faith!”

“Dr. Marcom, you are stupid.”

*heavy sigh*

“Some people, you just cannot reach.”

What we have here…

Communication

***

Cynthia-The-Housekeeper and my Only BFF here in Commerce Amerika…

She.

She is ‘on to’ me.

She knows me.

She came to my door.

Asked me if I wanted to strip my bed.

Freudian Slip?

(Tuesdays here at Lion’s Lair are ‘Strip Yer Bed-Sheets Day)

Daniel and Lance and The Lion’s Den

I replied,

“No Ma’am; I’m good, but thanks for askin'”

She gave me that ‘Black-Woman-All-Knowing-Look’

That ‘Look’

https://texantales.com/2020/11/15/anybody-got-a-match/

That look that telegraphs.

Telegraphs “I know you’ve been drinking again”

My Tell-All, End All Tell.

Tis a curse!

I have no skill at poker.

Nor do I possess a poker-face.

https://texantales.com/2021/07/22/never-run-tell-that-unless-of-course-you-can-take-the-hot-lead-enema-lenny-bruce/

My Cynthia asked over those “I already know the answer” eyes:

“You Okay?”

“Yep. I’m okay,” I lied.

“I’m watching you,” she said.

“I know you are Honey, and thank you for that,”

I replied.

As she walked away, I said to her moving away from me back,

“I love you.”

She said over her shoulder,

“I love you more. Catch ya later Alligator!”

(Her favorite catch-all, end-all phrase. I never ask why. Why she likes it. She just likes it. And that is reason enough for me. Because I am in love with her. Love is just that way Y’all. It works in those mysterious ways. Kinda like the Invisible Spaghetti-Man-in-the-sky. Man. Oh man!)

Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)

As soon as I shut the door I heard my Motorola Phone speaking to me:

“Hello Moto!”

(Note to self: ‘Change name to ‘Moto.’)

“Fuck you Moto!” I said.

Then I did something very very uncharacteristic:

I answered the damn phone.

“Hello?”

“Is this Rance Marcom?’ (Heavy Indian accent)

“No.”

“I need to speak Rance. Is he there?”

“Are you from India Mister Moto?”

“I from Capitol One.”

“No. I think you’re from India.”

“Mister Rance Marcom?”

“English ain’t yer first language is it? I just told you, ‘Mistah Rance’ ain’t here.”

“I need speak to Mister Rance Marcom.”

“Sorry to say, he is in Kabul at this moment getting his ass shot at.”

Mister Moto / Capitol One hung up on me.

Cannot imagine why.

***

In closing

In trying to put a fine point on the point that is This Pointless Post:

I love booze.

I love what it does to me.

I love what it doesn’t me.

I love it when it does not kill me.

HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back

(Apocryphal: ‘Write Drunk. Edit Sober)

I love it.

(Did I say this already?)

Don’t cry for me Miss Dementia

I’ll be fine.

***

The (Still) Living

END

*static on radio*

“Houston. We have a problem…”

TBC…

j’espere

(Dat’s France-ish for ‘j’espere’.  Google it! Yu lazy-fair mo-fo’s)

***

In closing

In trying to put a fine point on the point that is This Pointless Post:

I love booze.

I love what it does me.

I love what it doesn’t me.

I love it when it does not kill me.

(Apocryphal: ‘Write Drunk. Edit Sober)

I love it.

(Did I say this already?)

Don’t cry for me Miss Dementia

“Objection Your Honor! The Witless Witness is Inebriated!”

“Sustained. Mister Moto, continue, but sobriety is the soul of wit. Please take some effort to remember that.”

“Yer honor…”

“Boom! Thirty Years! No Beers!”

It was at this point, Yoda spoke to me:

“Fucked you are.”

“Thanks for that Yoda.”

Snuff In. Snuff Out. Snuff On. Snuff Off. HAHAHA!

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A ‘Must Listen!’ Below.

X-Two!

Sums it all up!

(Thanks to You Chris LeDoux!)

Street Cred for Shared Vid: tjcrnj

***

I dip snuff. (Copenhagen Regular Cut, for those snuff aficionados out there, who may have inquiring minds)

There! I admitted it!

cope

Finally!

After so many years of being a self-tormented closet snuffer’er I have finally come out.

I feel better.

Whew! One less load to carry. One less axe to grind. One less ass to bare. One less woman who may have been considering me with a favorable eye…

Well, three out of four favorable results will get you into the Hall of Fame.

In Baseball.

‘Tis a habit I acquired whilst in BUD/s Class 140, circa 1986.

For some uninitiated: That stands for “Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training”  SEAL Boot-Camp, if you will: Class 140.

Yup. I was almost a SEAL. Twice. But more on that in a later post. Maybe.

**************

Continue reading →

I’ve Lost My Mind—It Was Here Just A ‘Minuet’ Ago–But it Ran Away! No More Words–I Am Drunk On Words — Disgusting! “Snuff In. Snuff Out. Snuffed On. Snuffed Off–Piss Off!”

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Shoot Me Now!—

Right Now!

Meow!

Copenhagen Honey–She Ain’t Got No MoneyI Once ‘Knew’ a GFi


Copenhagen Angel–Cred: Chris LeDoux

A ‘Must Listen!’ Below.

X-Two!

Sums it all up!

(Thanks to You Chris LeDoux!)

Copenhagen Junkie

Bye Chris

Street Cred for Shared Vid: tjcrnj

***

 

I dip snuff. (Copenhagen Regular Cut, for those snuff aficionados out there, who may have inquiring minds)

There! I admitted it!

cope

Finally!

After so many years of being a self-tormented closet snuffer’er I have finally come out.

I feel better.

Whew! One less load to carry. One less axe to grind. One less ass to bare. One less woman who may have been considering me with a favorable eye…

Well, three out of four favorable results will get you into the Hall of Fame.

In Baseball.

‘Tis a habit I acquired whilst in BUD/s Class 140, circa 1986.

For some uninitiated: That stands for “Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training”  SEAL Boot-Camp, if you will: Class 140.

Yup. I was almost a SEAL. Twice. But more on that in a later post. Maybe.

**************

Continue reading →

Most of my Posts Are About The Vids–So Fuc8k-ing Watch Vids! “Slightly Updated”

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“Officer, I did NOT Fall OFF that Wagon; I was pushed. Arrest the push-er, not the push-ee.” Or, “I got tired of waking up on the freeway driving ninety.” Or, “This Post is Not the Post You Were Looking For…”

New shit:

Fuk it!

(I’ll edit it later)

Goddamn it!

Git off my back!

Author’s Note (at the beginning… Yes. Yes. Fucking YES!! I know! Not Great Form!)

Fuck it!

Author’s Note:

Recent Au Courant events (Afghanistan) are bumming me out.

Charlie Wilson: “These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world… and then we fucked up the endgame.”

Nuff said?

“Yes Lance. Now STFU and write.”

“Okay.”

Okay, but…

One last ed. note:

This lame-ass post has a lot (even by my sub-standard standards)

A lot of attached… Lancelot Links and Vids.

It is highly (and drunkenly) recommended you ‘experience them all’ to get the

‘Full Benefit’

Jes sayin…

***

Now I know.

Now I know why

Now I know all the reasons whey–why

(“Lance! There is ALWAYS a Fucking Song! Ain’t they?!)

(Fuck off! Voice in my head)

And fuck you too Muse!

The Abusive Muse

Run tell all that!

****

Now I know why I get drunk

Now I know why I used to stay drunk

Now I know why it is a good thing

And good for one

To stay drunk

Simple logistics and meta-physics:

To avoid the hangovers!

“The hairs of some dogs”

As it were

The hair of Man’s Best Friend!

For lack of a reason

Hairs of dogs are in season

***

Time of The Reason-Season

“What’s your name? Who’s Your Bag-Daddy??”

“Me! C’est Moi!”

(Asshole!)

Who’s Your Daddy?

Street Cred for Vid: andrew91118

Tis reason enuff.

To dip snuff.

Snuff In. Snuff Out. Snuffed On. Snuffed Off.

(And I love dogs)

Amen

P.S. This is a ‘temporary’ affliction. It too shall pass.

“How do you know this Doctor Marcom?”

“Because I have been to Drunken Med School Grasshopper.”

This Computer Has Been Drinking (Not Me)

Street Cred for Vid: MasterBiblicalMemory

***

“But, Dr. Marcom, none shall pass. Pass out perhaps, but ‘pass’? Naw.”

None shall pass thru this life unscathed.

“Oye vay of little faith!”

“Dr. Marcom, you are stupid.”

*heavy sigh*

“Some people, you just cannot reach.”

What we have here…

Communication

***

Cynthia-The-Housekeeper and my Only BFF here in Commerce Amerika…

She.

She is ‘on to’ me.

She knows me.

She came to my door.

Asked me if I wanted to strip my bed.

Freudian Slip?

(Tuesdays here at Lion’s Lair are ‘Strip Yer Bed-Sheets Day)

Daniel and Lance and The Lion’s Den

I replied,

“No Ma’am; I’m good, but thanks for askin'”

She gave me that ‘Black-Woman-All-Knowing-Look’

That ‘Look’

“Anybody got a match?”

That look that telegraphs.

Telegraphs “I know you’ve been drinking again”

My Tell-All, End All Tell.

Tis a curse!

I have no skill at poker.

Nor do I possess a poker-face.

“Never Run Tell That!” Unless of course… “You can take the hot lead enema.”–Lenny Bruce

My Cynthia asked over those “I already know the answer” eyes:

“You Okay?”

“Yep. I’m okay,” I lied.

“I’m watching you,” she said.

“I know you are Honey, and thank you for that,”

I replied.

As she walked away, I said to her moving away from me back,

“I love you.”

She said over her shoulder,

“I love you more. Catch ya later Alligator!”

(Her favorite catch-all, end-all phrase. I never ask why. Why she likes it. She just likes it. And that is reason enough for me. Because I am in love with her. Love is just that way Y’all. It works in those mysterious ways. Kinda like the Invisible Spaghetti-Man-in-the-sky. Man. Oh man!)

Simply For Cynthia (Esoteric Post—Don’t Bother)

As soon as I shut the door I heard my Motorola Phone speaking to me:

“Hello Moto!”

(Note to self: ‘Change name to ‘Moto.’)

“Fuck you Moto!” I said.

Then I did something very very uncharacteristic:

I answered the damn phone.

“Hello?”

“Is this Rance Marcom?’ (Heavy Indian accent)

“No.”

“I need to speak Rance. Is he there?”

“Are you from India Mister Moto?”

“I from Capitol One.”

“No. I think you’re from India.”

“Mister Rance Marcom?”

“English ain’t yer first language is it? I just told you, ‘Mistah Rance’ ain’t here.”

“I need speak to Mister Rance Marcom.”

“Sorry to say, he is in Kabul at this moment getting his ass shot at.”

Mister Moto / Capitol One hung up on me.

Cannot imagine why.

***

In closing

In trying to put a fine point on the point that is This Pointless Post:

I love booze.

I love what it does to me.

I love what it doesn’t me.

I love it when it does not kill me.

HOSPITALS. (“Plural”) Thirteen Days Back-To Back

(Apocryphal: ‘Write Drunk. Edit Sober)

I love it.

(Did I say this already?)

Don’t cry for me Miss Dementia

I’ll be fine.

***

The (Still) Living

END

*static on radio*

“Houston. We have a problem…”

TBC…

j’espere

(Dat’s France-ish for ‘j’espere’.  Google it! Yu lazy-fair mo-fo’s)

***

In closing

In trying to put a fine point on the point that is This Pointless Post:

I love booze.

I love what it does me.

I love what it doesn’t me.

I love it when it does not kill me.

(Apocryphal: ‘Write Drunk. Edit Sober)

I love it.

(Did I say this already?)

Don’t cry for me Miss Dementia

“Objection Your Honor! The Witless Witness is Inebriated!”

“Sustained. Mister Moto, continue, but sobriety is the soul of wit. Please take some effort to remember that.”

“Yer honor…”

“Boom! Thirty Years! No Beers!”

It was at this point, Yoda spoke to me:

“Fucked you are.”

“Thanks for that Yoda.”