I Still So Much Miss My Sis! I Will NEVER Allow Her Memory To Die.

God’ammit it! Why did she have to die? I Did NOT Giver My Permission To Die. Updated! Some Cali-Bashing! “ABBA, Joni, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, Madelyn, No Class NO Cash! Ne

I am Dying Inside Over My Remembrances of Her

:

“Hey Buddy, CAN You Spare a Dime?”

Yeah! I am trying to occupy (and distract) my mind with Beauty and Music.

(See previous posts if you do not know why this is requisite for me.)

Speaking of posts, and posting, This one is an unorganized, not edited, convoluted…. piece of shit.

(Screw it! I will NOT edit this. It was a ‘stream of consciousness! ‘If I ‘edit’ it, then it is shite, as a stream of consciousness.

And then would ring false. So I won’t fukkin’ edit it.

What you see is what you get. (I may go back and give ‘credit’ for all the vids/images I stole, but that ain’t ‘editing’– that is just not being an asshole.)

Read/Watch/Listen at Your Own Annoyance.

It is impossible to not notice…

To not notice…

How HAPPY Agnetha & Anni-Frid ARE IN this!

They LOVED IT!

And for that,

That STAGE PRESENCE!

I LOVED THEM!

(I suppose ‘The Boys’ were happy too.

But Lance don’t pay attention to the moods of boys—LOL!)

**************

This will be brief (I promise)

I have been (In Light, or in Dark, of my too recent loss)

HATE ASHBURY

I have been pondering…

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

(I believe some smart guy once said that)

Well, I been ‘prospectin’  down into MY Life.

Didn’t find no gold.

Didn’t find no silver.

Didn’t find no diamonds.

(Hangman! Hangman! Meet me at The Gallows’ Pole!”)

(“Bring me your dead sister then.)

Yeah! I am sick… and bitter!

Didn’t find…

No Solace.

Found a box of rocks tho…

Note attached:

It read, and I quote:

“Lance, this is all your life represents. Have a nice day”

—God

“Oh, and never forget: Jesus Saves.”

–G

Saves what?

Green stamps?

“Hey God!

Go to Fuck Yourself!”

(I know the grammar is fucked, but THAT is how Gladys always verbalized it)

“Go to fuck yourself!”

(See Third paragraph for Gladys)

I loved her for her broken English.

Might be continued, but I doubt it…

*******

If you’re California Dreamin’…

Don’t. It was once a Magical Place,

Now it is just One More Shit-Hole! Trust me! I Know! I have been arould the World. Twice! I know most Places are Shit Holes! But California Was Always Different! No Mas! Now it is Just One More Shit-Hole! In a World Full of Shit Holes!

It ain’t the way it used to be!

As we used to say….In the Navvvyyyy! Cali…fornia or bust! Don’t hear that so much anymore.

While aboard a Haze-Gray-And-Underway Piece of Shit. We see the coast of CA and just keep steaming right on by.

Bye – Bye!! California!

(And NEVER EVER Call Her ‘Mama Cass’ In my earshot–Her name is ‘Cass Elliot’)

And Yes! I have been to Paris France!

No Less Than Ten Times!

If you’re California Dreamin’…

Don’t.

As we used to say….In the Navvvyyyy! Cali…fornia or bust! Don’t hear that so much anymore. While aboard a Haze-Gray-And-Underway Piece of Shit.

We see the coast of CA and just keep steaming right on by. Bye – Bye!! California!

(And NEVER Call Her ‘Mama Cass’–Her name is ‘Cass Elliot’)

******

Street Cred: Memology 101:

If you are a ‘good and astute observer’ you will see Kamala trying (and failing) to dance.

Free Bonus Track

(But Donations Greedily Accepted)

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor.

Rich is better.”

–L. Marcom, Circa 2006

Hits Way Too Close To My Home. JUST One More on My Miss-Adventures With Alcohol: Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake Up’

Bolts Right Through My Heart

“In My Dreams I Don’t Die.”

In RL, Well, We’ll See.

I AM Sick.

I Need Help. Serious Help.

Serious Professional Help.

Have I Ever Mentioned

How Much I Worship, Admire, & Respect

Sandra Bullock?

This is such a wonderful movie,

But I saw way too much of myself in it.

This is not vain vanity from me.

Just fact.

If you do not watch the vids,

Why are you Even Here Wasting Your Time?

P.S. Fun Fact and spoiler alert: Sandra is prettier than me.

Just thought you should know.

You’re welcome.

***

How many people have I hurt?

How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine?

How many loving wives and good women have I cast away?

Got a Super-Duper Calculator?

You’ll need it.

Life Imitating My ‘Art.’

Hits a little too close to My Home:

If you only have time for one vid, this one below is it.

WATCH IT

IT IS BRILLIANT

And it makes me cry every time I watch it… hits me right through my heart

“In My dreams I don’t die.”

Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock

******

******

Some say beauty is just skin deep
Most of the time, this is true
But not with Sandra Bullock!
She is beauty
Through and through!

******

My fervent wish is that I had not cast away all the good people who offered a shoulder for me to lean on…

******

Trust Me. The below works

It Works.

Just Deploy A Little Imagination.

Credit: CCR

DUH

Quadruple Jeopardy. No. No No! NO!! Don’t Re-Post! “Moldy Moldy Old Oldie Re-Run, (Just Fer Fun)–Tattoo or ‘This is Awkward,’ or ‘Open for Suggestion’

Or… “Don’t Shit Where You Eat.”

“Using Parking Meters as Walking Sticks”

Now, I can Honestly Say That I Have Been to Jail In-This-Country–America, as Opposed to All The ‘Other’ Countries I have been to Jail in…

Tom Waits – “Eggs and Sausage

In A Cadillac With Susan Michelson”

“Why do men chase women?”

“I think It’s Because They Fear Death”

“Old saying my mother told me. Wanna hear it?”

“Yeah. Sure. Of Course.”

“Don’t Shit Where You Eat.”

–Olympia Dukakis

Hem

Author’s Note:

Yes. I’ve done some incredibly stupid shit in my time.

Below is an actual-for-real email I sent to a soon-to-be former boss (an attractive lady-boss, of course.) and is sadly very close to the top of the Misfit Hit Parade of lame-ass-actions I have perpetrated on innocents.

***

I have swerved into the solution for Drunken Emails.

Who could’ve known it would be this simple?

Street Cred for Vid: Big Play Films

***

From: Moron <lance_moron@misfits.fubar> cc bcc:

To: Lady_Boss@job.yrfired

Subject: Tattoo

Dear Suki,

Yes, I am getting a tattoo (for my ‘mousing’ musing hand).

It will read simply, succinctly, in Big Bold Letters:

“No!”

Subtle Reminder:

“No! Don’t Go There Lance!”

Brevity? Yes. (‘That soul of wit.’)

“Words have meaning Son,” my father often told me.

And short words, I have discovered, oft hold the most meaningful meaning.

It has been ‘awkward’ (to say the very least) to face you of late.

After my ‘email shot-gunning’ you, off-the-chain escapade of recent shameful regret, but… I did it and today found the courage to read all of what I did send and happily discovered, most were not of the obnoxious caliber of my historical wont.

Thank God and Baby Hey Zeus!

Alas, I wish I had an excuse.

Yet, in searching, there is one to be discovered, but so probably painfully evident that it requires no verbalization:

Two times per year, I get to ‘explore’ my darker side.

Two times per year, I choose a ‘lucky’ recipient to ‘share’ in my darkness.

Two times per year someone gets to be ‘it’.

Guess what?!

Tag!

You won!

You’re the New ‘IT’ Girl!

Congratulations!

You’re in Good Company.

Clara Bow: The Original It Girl, 1927

***

The thing about writers (and those so-called writers who call themselves ‘writers’) is that they are so full of themselves, so full of shit & vain by nature (it is requisite-with the breed), and every writer and so-called writer I have ever met, are… assholes. All.

Vain, pompous, drinks-too-much, full of sound and fury, and desperation just to be read.

“A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Desperate for…

Crying for…

Waiting for…

Black Velvet, Black Velvet, If You Please…

(Feminine / Female Diversion)

***

FEEDBACK

I am not (not really) stupid.

I know you cannot ‘comment’ nor even acknowledge, via email, all the posts I posted ‘at you.’

I dare say you would be wise to ignore me and my ramblings, given our professional relationship.

Yet, if you did read even one of the posts on my blog, (actually I think you read the first one I begged you to read—not the ‘best’ one, but one which apparently was on my mind–at the time)

It is a very simple thing to comment, ‘in disguise’ as

‘anonymous.’

Or ‘any-mouse.’

Or simply, “A Fan.” (tongue in cheek)

Too easy.

Do that once and I will be sated.

Do it twice and you get a

For Free Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener,

OR

An Autographed 8X10 Hollywood-Type-Glossy Photograph of Jesus Christ.

Sermon-on-the-mount, highly recommended, and our best-seller

But you cannot have both; there is a limited supply.

Do it thrice:  You should seek counsel.

Professional help.

Honestly.

Never mind…

“Writers are assholes.”

“Lance is a ‘writer’”

“Ergo, Lance is an asshole.”

***

Suki,

There is a point to this post, but most assuredly, I have forgotten my initial inclination in that regard.

***‘

Jeopardy musical theme plays

***

Oh yes!

Now I’ve got it!

This is my convoluted apology to you.

I am, and shall always remain, an Honorable Military Man.

I am cognizant of the duty (and the mission)

And, admitting I was wrong is something which seems to be easier (and more difficult—same time) to do lately.

My first wife once accused me of aspiring to be “King of the Idiots.”

(She was an idiot savant…well, you’d have to know her to get my meaning, yet, I think–know, that I have posted about her…ON-MY-BLOG)

Back to my point:

Suki,

I am beginning to grow bored with my job.

You are the best supervisor/boss I have had in recent memory. All, and I do mean ALL respect you.

This should be enough for me (and for the foreseeable future it shall be)

But…

I don’t like to shit where I eat, BUT (and this is a curse), I have a opinions and I need to get that tattoo—post haste—and with all due prejudice.

I like you Suki.

I respect you.

I am trying to help you professionally (in my way).

And NO!

I am not trying to ‘do’ anything other than ‘talk’ to you and ‘work’ for you.

To quote Nixon:

“Let me make one thing perfectly clear…”

I am a whore, but only when it comes to my writing.

Nothing else these days (aside from my computer addiction) means anything to me.

Rest easy.

I am not as bad as I may, at first glance, appear

(Truth: I am worse, but I do not bring that to WORK)

Cheers,

Lance

(Yes: you may quote me. I’d be flattered…. Hahahahaaa)

See you on Friday.

And remember not to work too hard.

Life’s best moments can be fleeting.

Cherish Them

***

Number One

“Win or lose, win or lose
To the losers go the heart-sick blues
To the victor goes the spoilings
Honey, did you win or lose?”

(Heads up: I lost)

*****

To an Athlete Dying Young

BY A. E. HOUSMAN

The time you won your town the race

We chaired you through the market-place;

Man and boy stood cheering by,

And home we brought you shoulder-high.

Today, the road all runners come,

Shoulder-high we bring you home,

And set you at your threshold down,

Townsman of a stiller town.

Smart lad, to slip betimes away

From fields where glory does not stay,

And early though the laurel grows

It withers quicker than the rose.

Eyes the shady night has shut

Cannot see the record cut,

And silence sounds no worse than cheers

After earth has stopped the ears.

Now you will not swell the rout

Of lads that wore their honours out,

Runners whom renown outran

And the name died before the man.

So set, before its echoes fade,

The fleet foot on the sill of shade,

And hold to the low lintel up

The still-defended challenge-cup.

And round that early-laurelled head

Will flock to gaze the strengthless dead,

And find unwithered on its curls

The garland briefer than a girl’s.

Lovely, Beautiful Joni

Lovely, Beautiful Joni

Re-Boots Are Good. And They’re Good For Ya. “Car Shield? No Deal!”

Y’all know I watch way too much CNN.

Ten Minuets of ‘News’ and Fifty Minuets of Obnoxious Commercials.

Every Hour.

Day after Day.

Every Day!

Above is one of the worst.

I dialed up Car Shield:

“Hey Car Shield! I want to Board Your Gravy Train!”

“Sure. We are here for you. But first, we require some info.”

“Watcha need?”

“Just some personal info (Which we will never share, nor sell.”)

“OK . What then?”

“Next of kin. First Born. Mother’s Maiden Name. You know. The Usual.”

“Alright. Here ya go.”

“Oh, and one last thing.”

“Yes?”

“A Photo of the Current Condition your vehicle is in.”

“Certainly. Let me hang up so that I may email you a photo.”

I emailed them my photo:

They never called me back.

Cannot imagine why…

So Fuck it!

I called up Flo

(We on ‘First Name Basis’)

“Hey Flo! How’s it go?”

“I love you Lance! How may I help you today?”

“Just hold me.”

“OK.”

*****

Added More Flow To My Flo:

********

Germane:

I Keep Walking On Walls Just trying to Keep My Sanity Wrapped About Me. Stop Spinnin’ My Head…

I Just wanna go to bed.

And Catch Me Some ZZ’s

Good Music to Fall Asleep To:

(The Good Ole Daze–When I Was So Young And Dumb)

***

I walk a fine line

And Thanks Johnny For Commiserating

***

Huh? What?

How Did This Vid Sneak Into My Post?

Y’all Know How I Despised ‘The Eighties’

Cred: The Police–I think.

Hello?

Funny as fuk Story:

Empty–Perfectly Describes My Mind

Lisa, My Third…

Used to go about Commerce,

Late at night

At all Hours

Lookin’ for me. Isn’t that funny?

Not Really

It is a very sad commentary

She knew not what she wished for

Eventually I managed to marry her

Carly, My Darling!

(In Your Dreams Lance Asshole!)

***

Patsy, You Were Then and Still Now

Always The BEST of All the Rest

Hello????

You Know I Can’t Sleep–

Guess We’ll Be Tougher for a long, long Time

Walk the Line (2005) Trailer: 

(Ooops I screwed this up–try agin.)

Johnny Cash – I Walk the Line (Man in Black: Live in Denmark)

Monkey World. We’re Livin’ In.

Contact Yer Next ‘O Kin!

(Or Your Best Mes-I-can)

No Borders! No Fear Dear! Fuk You Fauci

And All Yer Fauci-Ouchies & CDC! CDC Fuk U As Well. Go to Hell!

Salt Man On Monkeys:

Fuk U CDC!

I’m Livin’ My Life!

Take Your Quarantine

And

Shove it

Up Yer Azz!

****

WuFlu Without Borders!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

“On The Border”

Cred: Al Stewart

LMFAO!!

*****

P.S., If any one of my readers has lost a loved one to this virus, I am so sorry. This is just a frivolous, smart-ass’d tongue-in-cheek post. Constructed for Humor–That’s All. Mocking the hysteria

Love,

Lance