Hits Way Too Close To My Home. JUST One More On My Mis-Adventures With Miss-Bitch Alcohol: Twenty-Eight Days & A ‘Wake-Up’ “Some Days, I Just Can’t Breathe”

Just Breathe!


f you only have time for one vid, this one below is it.



And it makes me cry every time I watch it… hits me right through my heart

Life Imitating My ‘Art.’

“In My dreams I don’t die.”

But (Sometimes) “Living’s Just Too Hard To Do”


Terminally Related:


Midland – Drinkin’ Problem

“They Call it a Problem; I Call It A ‘Solution'”


Read-More-About-It Category:




Sandra Bullock

Bolts Right Through My Heart

“In My Dreams I Don’t Die.”

In RL, Well, We’ll See.

I AM Sick.

I Need Help. Serious Help.

Serious Professional Help.

Have I Ever Mentioned

How Much I Worship, Admire, & Respect

Sandra Bullock?

This is such a wonderful movie,

But I saw way too much of myself in it.

This is not vain vanity from me.

Just fact.

If you do not watch the vids,

Why are you Even Here Wasting Your Time?

P.S. Fun Fact and spoiler alert: Sandra is prettier than me.

Just thought you should know.

You’re welcome.


How many people have I hurt?

How many lives have I dragged down into the muck and mire with mine?

How many loving wives and good women have I cast away?

Got a Super-Duper Calculator?

You’ll need it.

Street Cred For Vid: welovesandrabullock


Yes, Yes, YES I Know!


Send Your Complaints To WORDPRESS


Some say beauty is just skin deep
Most of the time, this is true
But not with Sandra Bullock!
She is beauty
Through and through!


My fervent wish is that I had not cast away all the good people who offered a shoulder for me to lean on…


Trust Me. The below works

It Works.

Just Deploy A Little Imagination.

Credit: CCR


This Post is all over-some-place- Sorry. Just My Re-Livin’ My UBH Experience(s)

“You Can Take That Mary Poppins UMbrella and Shove it Straight UP U’re Ass. And Then fly all the way home! All Alone.”

Fav Things:

I love Angela Cartwright

Esoteric Ref…. Sorry!

I Just Caint Hep it!

Lost in Her Space!

Her outter space space race!


Whiskers On Kittens


My Gawd! How Much How Much I MISS HER!

UBH Post Continuation Teaser

I Met such wonderful, intelligent folks in re-hab.

All were so intelligent and so eloquent.

No. I’m not talkin’ ’bout the staff; I’m talkin’ ’bout my fellow inmates.


Instant Karma!

“You Better Get Yourself Together;

Pretty soon You’re Gonna Be Ded”

But We ALL Shine On!


I met a young broken woman while at Rehab.

(Hell! We were all ‘broken.’ Otherwise how the fuck did WE ALL END UP IN THIS PLACE??)

Let us call her name, “Kelsey” (Because that was probably her name)

Once while KNEE deep in some dark philosophical discussion she looked me dead in my eye and said,

“You can take that Marry Poppins umbrella and fly the fuck outta town.”

Instant Love and Instant Karma.

“Ethel, (The Cambodian) Pirate’s Daughter” seated next to me was not amused by my most recent love lust and infatuation.

But that is how things ‘work’ while in Rehab. Relationships are fleeting and ten-a-penny and not worth a cup of warm spit once one escapes…


Borrowed Karma

The payback and the interest is a mother-fu#ker.

(Please trust me on this; I know from where I speak)

Now, please, if you please, quietly f*ck the fu%k off.

“The line forms to the right.”

Internal Lance Voice chimes in:

“Who on Earth do you think you are? A Superstar?”

“Well Wrong You Are!”

Simply MUST Re-Post. Sorry Kids, But “I Love My So-Called Life,” Or What Meager Amount of it Remains. i.e., I’m A Happy Fukken Camper.

Always Positive and Up-Beat! Shit That Makes Me Happy,

OH, and Dick Latson–

Those Memories Make Me Happy Too!”

Paula Abdul Makes Me Drool

Latson & The Gang

Ode to Dick Latson (who I have unfriended on FB, simply because he never ‘interacted’ with any of my posts. Look up my

“Facebook Philosophy”

series at texantales.com if you give a shit)

(I worked for him for over ten years–gave him and his business the ‘best years of my life.’ For not much money. No Regrets.)


(This, my ‘un-friending’ him, does NEVER mean I do not love this man. I just cannot be bothered with ‘Friends’ who have not the time, nor the desire to interact. It is called “Social Media” for a reason.)

Dick Latson of “Latson’s Printing and Office Supply” fame.

Downtown Commerce, America

He saved my life back in 2001 or somewhere around there, date-wise. I honestly cannot recall the year. For our purposes the year don’t matter.

What DOES MATTER, is that he gathered me up while I was in a drunken, probably suicidal stupor and drove me to Greenville and deposited me at Glen Oaks Lunatic Hospital so I could get the ‘help’ I needed.

And dry out.

He did this for ME!

Because he is a great man.

And he gave a shit.

I will never forget his kindness.

And his giving a shit.

For me.

“For the Lance who is still alive:

I salute you!

Dick Latson.”

Probably, No! Undoubtedly! The best Boss (and Friend) I have ever had.


Thank You

Drive Through

P.S. Little known fact about Dick Latson: Back when he was a senior in HS, he was the fastest ‘white boy’ in Texas. Went to State running the 440 in about 12 seconds (or something approaching that–he never bragged about it, but he casually mentioned it to me one day–don’t even remember how or why the subject came up.

Most likely I had been bragging about my Navy SEALs efforts, or something…and I needed to come back down to Earth and get over myself.

By way of some fucking addendum dum dum dung, er… dumb;

I very recently emailed Lanie Gardner asking permission to share her work. (She has not responded—yet—probably won’t But if she does and tells me to ‘cease and desist’ I will. But FB can kiss my ass in the meantime.)

The email from me was prompted by a stupid pop-up I got from Fake-Book, saying they had muted one of Lanie’s videos

I had attached to one of my posts. ‘Copyright Violation’ (I will drop the screen capture in the Comments Section)My original post was detailing how I regretted never having had a daughter and I went into some detail that if I had had one, she would be as this girl: Ever happy, ever upbeat, always smiling.But no such person exists in real life. (I am cognizant of this)

We are all complex.And we all suffer the entire range of Emotions. And this is a GOOD thing.Because it is what makes us Human. And separates us from the gnats of the World.

I CANNOT FIND The Orig ‘Constriction’ Poster To Cred… Believe me: I Tried. I Really Tried;

I Ain’t No Internet-Thief. I Have Something

‘Approaching Honour’

“Charming” As Word, Does Not Even Begin To Approach

You may have to ‘rewind’ this one because YouTube is severely borked.

I Know! I Know! I Know!! I Know I Know I know I KNOW I … I Know I Know I Know I Know I Know I am, Am A Too Fu*king Well-KNOWN Moron.–What of It?

Being Well-Known and Eight Bits Might, Just Might

Get You A Cup Of Coffee.

If You’re Lucky And Have Not Sinned Recently.

Guess That Counts ME Out


Asshole! I KNOw I KnOw I know I’m a Fukking asshole! I am, A fuckkking Asshole! But I AM not f*CkIN’ sTUpId!

“Shoot Low Sir; I Think she’s Riding a Shetland.”

I Know! Hand Me the Rifle, watch this and STFU!

I Know I Know I Know…


Bill Withers – Ain’t No Sunshine

Did Y’all Count the “I Knows?”

I Know I know That I did.

I Counted Twenty-Four–

But then, I’m see’in’ Double

Foreigner – Double Vision:


Yer Mileage May Vary

Cred for Vid: Andres Trevino


Texas ain’t ’bout SHit

She is sublime!

In My Mind!

I Created Her In My Mind-Time

But! Go Ahead!

Spend a dime!

Take some Time

And Go Ahead

Live With Me!


My Vain Fantasy!

Shoot Low Sir; I Think she’s Riding a Shetland.


“Deep In The Heart Of Texas”


I made her

(My Muse)

In My Mind!


I will expand on thIS LAtR


(iF yer Lucky)

This is SEXIST aSK

Ask me hoW maNY Fuks

I Don’t Give!

God Blesse’d Texas!

Fun Fact:

Rhonda and I, My Second or Third,

Lived Less Than Three Mile From

SouthFork “Ranch”,

In Plain’Oh


Our Tailor PARK

Was Called


I am NOT

Making This Up!

U Can Look it Up!

(It is Still There!)

But they No Longer Call Them

“Trailer Parks”

They are Now…

“Mobile-Home Communities

Fuk Me!

I am Just Plain ‘Ol White Trash


Proud of it


You Broke it!

You Fix it!

I don’t C’AAre, Nor gi\ve a fuk!

All the Y’alls


Friday Night Lights:

All the Y’alls from Tami Taylor

Yu Fix This Chocolate Mess!

I don’t Have The Time

WP is Stupid…

It is NOT Even Intuitive!—

This is ‘Tweenty-One

Hav’ Fun!

Cred: Chris Spags Ate all, Y’all

& K.Ryan Jones (I Think)

And, Please Don’t Quote Me

(I Have More Than Enough Illegal Troubles Already)


Lyle, I LOVE IT!”

Watch This GD it

More Bonus OnUS!

Morons/Assholes ‘R’ Us! Well, Lance Anyhow.”I’m An Asshole, And I’m Proud Of It.”–Denis Leary (& Lance Anthony Marcom)

“I’m An Asshole”

Cred: Dennis Leary


Credit: https://www.cartoonnetwork.com/


Some asshole just emailed me:

(Yes My email Addy is ‘Public’)

I have No Fear!

Feel Free!



I quote her:

“We” (Really?  ‘We?—whois ‘We’?)

She continued,

“We are sick to death of reading about your dead sister! STFU!”

Of course I could NOT let this go.

I had to respond.

And I did,

“Dear ‘We’,” I began.

“I have myriad words for you:

Please allow me to break them down into simple numerical form, so that your feeble mind may process & and maybe even digest:

  1. Fuck you
  2. Fuck you
  3. There is a ‘Feature’ that most Computer Mice have: It is called: ‘Scroll Down.’
  4. There is yet another, more recent Social Media Feature: it is moniker’d, “Ignore.” Try it. And if it don’t work for you, Call Mark Fuckle-Berg.
  5. Do NOT Call me! I will hurt your Soy-Based–Feelings.
  6. You do realize you are attempting to ‘Flame a Writer?’
  7. A writer possessed of a rapier wit.
  8. And a veteran of more ‘Flame Wars’ than you can even imagine in your wildest dreams?
  9. Here is a Clue
  10. And A Nickel
  11. 1st The Clue: ‘You are Clueless.’
  12. Now The Nickel: Go Sit & Spin on top of a Dildo.
  13.  Until it turns you into a ‘Happy- Slut.’
  14.  Have a Day—A Nice One.
  15. Love, Lance”



Just some Small-Mindless

Added Value:

Cornelia an’ Lance–Drunk–Basra, Iraq, Circa …

I forget.

Circa sometime.

(Probably in the past: not tomorrow…)

Credit: moronbrothersKY

(I love SOUTHERN!–Ever have I mentioned this?)


Yeah! I am Drunk!

Sue me!

The line forms to The Right!

Take a Number!

Good Luck!

Bonne chance!

Had to Drop some Francaise.

Forgot the “Joni”

Maybe Next Time….


Need Some Joni up in here!

“Save Paradise!”

(Or Just Pave it Over and Call it a Day.)

I’ve looked at ‘Lance’


From Both Sides Now.

Neither One Was Pleasing.

(Scroll Down to The End… For The Ian.)


I know I have posted these words/sentiments of mine before.


But Justin Case some of Y’all didn’t read.

Or Could Never Be Bothered Enough to Notice,

I say them Once Again:

“I enjoy ‘Entertainers.’

I enjoy being ‘Entertained’

By People who know how.

To Entertain.

Do I give a Fuck about their Politics?

Or Which Gender of the month they embrace?

Or Their Personal Lives?

Or How many times their fame and fortune allowed them to say stupid shit?

Or how many under-age Lolitas they fucked during their misspent youth?”

Or How Many Times They Have Been To Rehab?”

I can answer all of the above questions.


With Just One Word:


Harper Valley PTA

Cred:  Jeannie C. Riley.

And As My Aside: I Miss ‘Big Hair’ On The Ladies

And I Despise Hypocrites


“I Hate Rude Behavior In A Man. I Won’t Tolerate it.”

Credit For Share: Porfle Popnecker


As Promised Above:

Between the lines of photographs,

I’ve seen the past
It isn’t pleasing

I do not feel a sudden urge to credit the artist.

I you have ever ‘read’ me, you already know.


And if you be new here, welcome aboard!

Welcome Aboard The Insane Train!

Now, will you kindly surrender your ticket?



Last and final thought:

Bobby Darin was/is ‘The King of Cool.’


Street Cred: Cannot find him/Her

“Oh Lord! It’s Hard to be Humble.”

Bonus! Bonus! Own Us!

Credit: Steven Crowder

Helpful Heloise Hint: Scroll Ahead A Mite.

Specifically: Time Mark 22:00 And Change

Michelle, My Belle (I Wished!)

“Michelle, ma belle.  These are words that go together well. My Michelle”:

This is a ‘teaser’ for something I am currently working.

(‘Tis an expanding part of my “Great Mistakes Naval Training Center” Nascent Series)


The Marine”?

The Little Blonde One?

Of Course you do!

This will be way better.

Believe me?


I have this bridge for sale; kindly follow me into the ‘Showroom.’

We’ll talk ‘Price’ later…

For now, just gape, gasp, and be awestruck.

And Remember Kids: I don’t do fiction.

All my ‘stories’ are bona-fide.

Continued Here:

Video Credit: Starr’s Music


Anyone ever notice that Paul McCartney can’t speak French for Shit?

“Me Shell… My Bell”

Really Paul?

Please stick to English Paul.

And this from a Texan who destroys French with a Texan accent.

“Mercy Bow Chops Y’all!”

(OK. Not that bad, but almost)

I have been perma-banished from Paris… France.

They still welcome me in Paris, Texas.

Thank God!