Fuk Me to Beers! The Best Peeps I Met, I Met In Re-HaBab Whatever! None of Us Could spel for shit! Poem For “Ethel”–Fake Name–UBH: Interlude

Or….

Why is the rum gone?

 

 

Black Hair

Black Eyes

Bright Smile

Great Thighs

Wily Words From Her Mouth

Gave No Pause

Left No Doubt

Words Delivered With Such Charm

Better Watch Out

You’ll Be Disarmed

Your Walls Came Crashing Down

Your Weapons On The Ground

She Was Standing There

(Laughing At My Folly)

Laughing Everywhere

You May As Well Surrender Right There

Taking Me Aside, She Said

“I’ll Never Be Your Bride.

“But You Knew This All Along.”

She Left Me With A Song

And Made Me Smile Again

Then Left Me With a Fact:

“I Cheats At Blackjack”

 

(Inside Joke—Will Elaborate On This In A Future Post As We Delve Deeper Into This Odyssey)

“A Broad River Divides My Lovers: As Unchangeable As Nature.”

Best Carly Song Ever NOT Written by Kris Kristofferson. I misspoke.

Here is the one I meant (Written by Kris):

Sade! Take me Away!

“Take That MaryPoppins UMbrella and Shove it UP ure Ass!” My Gawd! How Much How I MISS HER! UBH Post Continuation Teaser

My GAWD!

I met a young broken woman while at Rehab.

(Hell! We were all ‘broken.’ Otherwise how the fuck did WE ALL END UP IN THIS PLACE??)

Let us call her name, “Kelsey” (Because that was probably her name)

Once while KNEE deep in some dark philosophical discussion she looked me dead in my eye and said,

“You can take that Marry Poppins umbrella and fly the fuck outta town.”

Instant Love and Instant Karma.

“Ethel, (The Cambodian) Pirate’s Daughter” seated next to me was not amused by my most recent love lust and infatuation.

But that is how things ‘work’ while in Rehab. Relationships are fleeting and ten-a-penny and not worth a cup of warm spit once one escapes…

Rehab.

Borrowed Karma

The payback and the interest is a mother-fucker.

(Please trust me on this; I know from where I speak)

Now, please, if you please, quietly fuck the fuck off.

“The line forms to the right.”

Internal Lance Voice chimes in:

“Who on Earth do you think you are? A Superstar?”

(“Well Wrong You Are!”)

He Drinks at Home Now Most Nights With the TV on and all the house lights Left Up Bright, or “I’m gonna blow this damn candle out. I don’t want nobody comin’ over to my table; I got nothin’ to talk to anybody about.”

And all the house lights left up bright.

Happy  New Year.

“I’m gonna blow this damn candle out.”

“Holidays are hard on some guys.”

I stole that line from a favorite movie of mine, loosely based on a wonderful play by some guy. Oh yeah, David Mamet “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” which I first saw performed live by a group of travelling U.S. actors and actresses when I was in Sinai, SFM (and after the performance I had all of the cast and crew in my hooch and we all got hopelessly stoned on hash and drunk on scotch)  in the Sinai, and then saw it, many years later, the fucking movie… wait for it… in Chicago, drunk but not stoned. The Navy had random piss tests back then—for drugs–they gave not zero fucks about your alcohol blood level. That is just my Navy. How it was…  maybe still is. Who knows? Who cares?

When I saw the movie in Shy – Town, It had been bastardized into… “About Last Night.”

The Movie Gave The Play a

Fucking Happy Ending!

They Really Ruined it With That!

Fukkin’ Hollywood!

HOLLYWOOD! Up-Dated!! Re-Visit This One Y’all. It is fucking Awesome! The Vids! The Vids! The Vids! Ignore My Prose! Watch the Videos!

 

“Travesty” as a word…

“Cynical and drunk?”

“May-hap: C’est moi?”

“Huh?”

“What did he say?”

*******

Honestly, when it comes down to it, we all die alone… boring someone in some dark café.

“Jesus Christ! Lance! Some happy thoughts for the New Year?”

“Naw, been there…”

“You’re either too stupid to die, or too stupid to live.”

“Yes. Both.”

I like to think that I only write for me.

That is some vain fantasy. Or just a pleasant fiction.

I write to get bed, er… read.

I do.

I really do.

I am a “writer”

Or, at least, I think of me in that way.

And I love commas.

And I edit as I go.

Someone once said of “Lord Ernest” (Hemingway),

Someone said he said, “Write Drunk. Edit Sober.”

Now, personally, I think that apocryphal, but what do I know?

Yet, I am going with it.

(at least the write drunk part)

Now, back to Joni:

“Love can be so sweet.”

“Go look at your eyes.”

“Drink up now. It’s gettin’ on time to close.”

Some footnote:

Oh, and by the way, The Last time I saw Richard was Great Lakes, Recruit Training Command, ’86,  and he told me… something about staying alive while with the Navy SEALs in SO CAL, just before he went to Florida and committed suicide,  because He could not handle the Pressure that was (then) the U.S. Navy Nuclear Submarine Program. Thank God I was in Coronado with the SEALs.

And So Safe

So safe.

I miss Richard.

He was braver than me.

And nobody ever committed suicide while at BUD/s (Navy SEAL) training: we were just all too busy, you see, just ‘busily’ trying to stay the fuck alive.

“Richard got married to a figure-skater–post-humorlessly.”

Somehow, I live.

His name was “Richard” and he was a real person.

Yeah, I left  out the tag line (on purpose):

“when you gonna get back on your feet?”

**********

If you happenstance to swerve into this blog, and catch yourself saying,

“Gee! This guy is cool.”

Don’t.

(Just don’t.)

Because I ain’t.

I’m an asshole.

Bona-Fide

Asshole.

And I have references

But if’n you do, Do not then… follow the comments.

Just don’t fuckin’ do it. 

Save some:  them, them the good memories.

And walk on by.

(You just knew I had to.)

 

I am re-visiting this–trying to stop thinking of how much I am Missing Madelyn-Missing Her–“English! Or Nor Wee-Gin. You Choose. Or A Charming Darling”

Vice is nice.

Candy is dandy

But liquor is quicker

It should go w/o saying from me:
I say it anyway:
I lust after Lagertha

Because I used to be a sometime warrior.
And strong women rock me
And my world.

Shield-maiden, Made In Heaven

Naw. Hell. Made in Hell. More Bettah

(I still love you Baby!)

But I had to go

See way below…

For all the reasons this is so

A Charming Darling:

If she sees this my favorite shared photo below, she will kill me.

Or very least, castrate me.

Not sure yet which way I wanna go.

English!
I love everything English/British!
I had one once.
She drove me crazy!
I was no longer the smartest in the room.
She made me crazy

I still love her

And I still miss her

Marvelous much

Woe is me

*****

Was me….

Once:

******

Only My English Lover/Woman will get the joke.
If she ever reads this
(I pray to God she don’t.)
As for The rest of You,
Well…
Never mind
.

We did that whole DNA THING

Turns out I am more English than She

She is Viking—Hundred percent.

Something is broken in my mind

Now it all makes some semblance of sense…

*****

Someone Recently “Liked” This… So Natch! I Repost it! “English!”

(I still love you Baby!)

But I had to go

See way below…

For all the reasons this is so

English!
I love everything English/British!
I had one once.
She drove me crazy!
I was no longer the smartest in the room.
She made me crazy

I still love her

And I still miss her

Marvelous much

Woe is me

*****

Was me….

Once:

******

Only My English Lover/Woman will get the joke.
If she ever reads this
(I pray to God she don’t.)
As for The rest of You,
Well…
Never mind
.

We did that whole DNA THING

Turns out I am more English than She

She is Viking—Hundred percent.

Now it all makes some semblance of sense…

*****

I am Reposting This For My Dead Sister: She Will Read It. In Heaven Which, if There is Such a Place, Is Where She Belongs You Don’t Need To… Read This. It is Only For Her. “Janis Ian handed my ass to me.”

I said, “Do you wish me dead?”

Lip service to books you’ve read

Articles on how to bed a bird in flight

You called it love

I called it greed

You say, “You take what you want”

I said, “You get what you need”

Go on, be a hero, be a man

Make your own destiny if you can

Go find a fence

Locate a shell

And hide yourself, go on, go to hell!

Go away from me

I need no charity

Janis Ian handed my ass to me.

I deserved this.

(Because I am an asshole but had temporarily misplaced my ass.)

Janis returned it to me with not-so-well wishes.

I should have learned the truth at seventeen. But I didn’t. I am still studying and yet I remain optimistic for the future. Someday I just may become a real gentle…man

***

Janis Ian Message to me (on Facebook):

“Lance Marcom uh… I have no idea why you took off at me like that. I said people could share because inevitably, people post on threads asking if they can share. And I’m sorry if you were “triggered ” by my offer, but if offering the option to share some thoughts written by a very dear friend of mine – who by the way is not having a great year, and certainly has more urgent things to do with his time than the way you just spent yours – caused your upset… well then, take your triggered self somewhere else. If you’re that big a “fan”, you’d know how little I think of people who use “triggered ” as an excuse, or profanity as an attempt at English.

As to telling you to “fuck off” years ago, apparently I didn’t make myself clear enough at the time, though as you admit, I didn’t say that. However, your over the top responses and insults to everyone who responded show your self-pitying true self.

Apologies mean nothing if you’ve understood nothing, Lance. Apologies mean nothing if you’ve learned nothing. And it really is time for you to take your very sensitive triggered self and work on fixing your life, instead of interfering with mine.”

***

 (After reading her proper ‘dress-down’, I retired to my “stupid corner” opened a can of worms and ate all of them–in shame)

“When payment due exceeds accounts received.”

I will always love you Janis.

You are a beautiful, brilliant, brilliant songwriter and performer.

******

“Don’t spoil it all; I can’t recall a time when you were struck without an answer.”

–Janis

“And For a dime I can talk to God.

Dial a Prayer…

Are You There?

Do You Care?

Are You There?”

–Janis