My ‘War’ With Kent was better-natured than it may at firstappear.
No Gods were harmed during this war.
Some mortal egos may have been bruised however.
This post is a chocolate mess.
***
I once knew a Theist named Kent
Who told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent
***
What do you call a ‘Facebooker’ who accuses another ‘Facebooker’ of hacking his own post and then reports said ‘hacker’ to Facebook for hacking his own post and then posts on his timeline, in excruciating detail how he, using his stellar sleuth skillset, figured all this out?
Take your time…
OK, time’s up.
“A Self-Made Fool, Devoid of Logic, who plays the ‘Pity Me’ card because he wants to become a laughing stock for anyone who knows how Facebook actually works.” (And for some who don’t)
Or succinctly put, you call him “Kent”
But don’t take MY word for it; you can read some samples of his ‘piercing eloquence’ below:
***
“To let everyone get a little good news or good thought or just bring a little happiness on Facebook. I try to be positive and enjoy getting in contact with others old and new friends.
Check my profile I want to share and be friendly with all post and maybe make a positive difference in as many peoples’ lives as I can. Try and let the good things in the world come to light. Every now and then I may post something negative but it is trying to make a positive difference.
This is as good of a world as you want it to be. I choose to try and stay away from the bad things in the world. There really is a lot of good going on out there. I want to enjoy and be as happy as I can. While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy.”
–Kent
***
Dear Kent,
“While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy”
***
Classic case of ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’
IMHO
Gibson’s “Hamlet” Is The Very BEST!
Even Better Than Sir Laurence Olivier
Who are you trying to convince of your “happy, happy, happy,” happiness?
You or ‘they’? All of ‘they’?
I think you, as do probably 99.99 percent of posters, just seek validation of your self-worth.
All are just ‘chasing likes’.
And this is fine—human nature, as it were.
I have read a lot of your posts on your timeline and your profile.
Sure.
And it seems to me your ‘happy happy happiness’ is primarily just a proselytizing form of sausage wrapped in a saccharine pancake smothered in syrup.
Once again, who are you trying to convince?
You?
Them?
Us?
Does your ‘faith’ require incessant posts requiring the great unwashed mass of the rest of us to “like, type ‘amen’, and share” if we too believe?
I’m actually not sure that I completely discount your sincerity, but it does tax credulity.
Marvelous much.
But you go Bro!
Keep posting your syrupy praises of God, Jesus, and whomever else gives you that happy,happy,happy.
Why the hell not?
Still a free country, eh?
Peace be unto you Kent.
Or perhaps that should have read,
‘Peace is onto you Kent.’
Cheers,
Lance
***
“My friend are you hell bent on trying to make people think you are an arrogant inconsiderate individual that places one under a microscope to disrespect their character coming to a narrow minded hypothesis attempting to destroy or manipulate their actions in such a manner that will somehow give you the feeling of superior intelligence that has no effect or the ability to change the individuals status or manner in which his goal to share and maybe bring a little faith and joy to their likes and beliefs.
Thank you.
I am only trying to stand strong by my spiritual beliefs. Sharing with those that I feel are doing the same. God bless you Lance. Thank you for two things. Bringing attention to others that my self worth and my ability to share my faith with others is of most importance to me.
I want nothing and I give God my Heavenly Father all the Praise and glory. For with out him I nor anyone or anything could be possible or exist. You should get what I have been blessed with.
Yes, you can be happy, happy,happy. Go for it it is a free Country. I truly believe you would have a different perspective on life in general and you can have topics that have a more sense of purpose. You are close what I think of my self is as important to me as what other think also.
I really appreciate your concern. At least you know the content of the majority of my post. This is my purpose to share with and post to my friends that enjoy and appreciate what I have to share. This is Facebook just as you shared your opinion you opened the door where I can share mine.
I hope you are not offended. This is not my intention and it will never be. God bless you Lance thank you for this humbling experience. Remember always give God all the praise and glory. Bless you once again.“
–Kent
Dear Kent,
Your response is in serious need of an edit. Allow me to distill it down to the salient points:
Lance is a pompous ass
Lance believes (i.e., Lance has ‘Faith’—joke there for ya Kent) that he is the smartest person in the room.
Kent is trying desperately to hang onto his faith by shit-posting endless memes over-expressing same, even though he freely admits that his intended audience already ‘believe’—preaching to the choir, as it were.
Lance needs to ‘find’ God in order to be happy and have a sense of purpose.
Lance needs to give an imaginary friend all the credit for everything Lance ever does. (I assume this includes both good and bad??)
Lance needs to be blessed, and often, and by someone who knows how.
That about cover it?
You’re welcome
***
Dear Kent,
Lest I forget
I wrote these for you
Added a photo too
Share away!
Make someone’s day!
***
*Death Poetry Day*
He born
He torn
He die
He fry
*The End*
***
A post was once written
No one was smitten
I’d call that fittin’
Shit it was named
Its one claim to fame
Now that’s a damn shame
***
He once wrote a post
Lesser than most
Shit it was called
Comments were stalled
The content was trite
Just didn’t seem right
To waste all my time
Nor even a lime
To drop in my rum
Ho Hum! Ho Hum!Ho Hum!
(The lack of the lime was the least egregious of the sins)
***
A Cunt of a Man called Osteen
Built a Church so very Pristine
But he refused to let in
Those flooded in sin
“Fuck ‘em! They’re way too Unclean.”
“I know y’all love me. You need to get on social media. But First give Harvey-The–Hurricane the ol’ heave-ho! God Blesses you, but I don’t. Move along. We’re closed.” –Joel Osteen
“Oh My God, they Killed them all!”
Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
Bob Dylan et. al.
P.S. I Absolutely ADORE The Lady Violinist In This Vid!
She Looks SO Intense!
“WoW! Who would’ve ever thought they’d find me doing God’s work?” –Lance
***
“Lil Kim’s got the hydrogen bomb” His news bitch announced in singsong “He’ll mount it one day “And launch it your way “Then smartly fuck off to Hong Kong” “So rong!”
***
There once was a boy name of Kim Who decided to act on a whim He launched a big bomb In the direction of Guam And that was the ending of him!
***
In a Loon we call Kim Jong-Un The World sees a silly buffoon But he put up his Dukes Oh Fuck me; They’re Nukes! And The World is now singing new tunes! (So soon?)
Cheers Kent,
–Lance
***
‘A Celestial North Korea’
Credit: Christopher Hitchens
***
A full week has passed
Since Jon GOT that ass
Even Dany GOT pleased
By Crow’s bended knees
And now we must fast for Season The Last
(And That’s The GOTcha)
Bonus Content Below:
The Most Lovely and Captivating and Charmingly Endearing Emilia
***
The Iron Throne – Game of Thrones’ AWFUL final episode
Vid Content Cred:Critical Drinker
***
If’n Y’all Don’t catch my drift, my sense O’Humor…
This is a “HOT MESS” collection of some recent, decent and some not-so-recent, not so decent, not so ‘normal’ comments and added value ‘vomit comments’and some other weird shit that spills from my mind from time to time, thus making me feel fine.
Go ahead: Try to Diagramthat Sentence.
Good Luck.
I’m Sorry in Advance.
Le Space Race flashback—if you do not know of the ‘Vomit Comet” I’ll help you out
OK Go – Upside Down & Inside Out
Licensed to YouTube byLatinAutor – PeerMusic, LatinAutorPerf, ARESA, Abramus Digital, CMRRA, BMG Rights Management (US), LLC, and 8 Music Rights Societies
(NOT Licensed to One Lance A. Marcom–“I pays my money; I takes my Chances–Just how I roll.”)
Some dude, [emerging from bedroom half-dressed] yawing and scratching his butt, “So, what’s for breakfast?”
Elizabeth Perkins, “Egg McMuffin, corner of Broadway and Belmont.”
–from ‘About Last Night.’
***
Dear Your-Name-Escapes Me,
When I choose to waste my time, I prefer to do it on some guilty pleasure.
Something talking to you is not.
I thought I had dismissed you yesterday.
Apparently reading and comprehending is not your strong suit.
No matter.
Let’s review, shall we?
You are tediously boring Kid.
Why don’t you go outside and play?
On such a lovely day.
Or maybe find something better to say.
Or start a one-man-band.
Your kind: ten-a-penny here in Radio Land.
We’ve been here before…
***
A poet of such piercing eloquence
But covered with misguided arrogance
He throws out the meats
Then shits where he eats
Oops! There goes the inheritance!
–Lance
***
“Fear?” No fear.
“Biggest mistake?” Deluding myself into thinking English was my ‘First Language.’
‘Texican’ is my first language.
I’d do well to remember that.
“Southpark will depress you, repress you, digress you, ingest you, digest you, and shit you out (if you allow it). Writing saved me from insanity there.”
–‘Letter from a Southpark Jail’ (Afghanistan, 2012)
***
Dear Fortunato Musico,
Did you enjoy reading my comment? Insulting, was it not? Would you read an entire story written in such a fashion?
When you are so lazy that you completely ignore proper grammar (and spelling, and punctuation), you insult the intelligence of your reader at best and you show a complete disrespect for yourself as a writer at worse. In short, you fucking lose both ways.
“Us, you people, knows grammar be important to write because of if us people are be writer, to be take serious, us knows us had to serious used prospered grammar. It was crucial to we as to be good at you craft.”
If you want to fuck-up The Queen’s English for writing effect, that there above is how you do it.
Rangoli / cannoli
Linguini / martini
Houdini / Fellini
Pacino / Tarantino
Let’s call the whole thing off
Ima just jerkin’ yo chain Bro. Tit for Tat. You da quintessential chain-jerker, yo!
–Lance
***
OK. I’m confused.
Did the man you spoke to say “That is how you get held back in kindergarten?”
Or was that part of your commentary?
Punctuation. Use (or not use) of quotations
Be kind to your readers.
We don’t deserve it though. We should be able to just ‘know,’ no?
Weak knees
Knocked trees
Bee stings
Laugh strings
Freak out
Geek out
La Shriek?
Très Chic
New Dance Craze??
“Well, allow me to retort.”
***
“Diwali is called the Festival of Lights and is celebrated to honor Rama-chandra, the seventh avatar (incarnation of the god Vishnu). It is believed that on this day Rama returned to his people after 14 years of exile during which he fought and won a battle against the demons and the demon king, Ravana.”
–Lance
***
No phone
No pool
No pets
Ain’t got no internet…
Hell! I’d do it for one billion.
(Yeah, I’m a cheap date)
Quoth the raven
(That black whore)
“How to get to Elsinore?”
“Elsinore, you ask?”
“Yes, Elsinore, which way?
In Elsinore I’ll stay.
“And with Lenore, I’ll have my way.”
“Say ‘Elsinore’ one more Goddamn time!
“I dare ya; I double-dare ya!”
“I feel like a black crow flying…
“On a blue, blue sky.”
Vid Share Cred: MysticPieces
(Sorry Edgar. Sorry Joni)
***
My condolences for your dear departed free-thinking mind as you are led, sheep-like, to the slaughter.
But of course, “Things will be much better in the Celestial North Korea,” that is Heaven, eh?
Fair winds and following seas to you Friend.
Why go to all the trouble to create a meme and not even proof read it before subjecting the entire FB world to an inferior product?
My beliefs…
“The Cowards Never Started and the Weak Died Along the Way” –Old SEAL sayin’—jus’ sayin’.
Don’t know much about History…
Don’t know much geology…
Don’t know much about the French I took…
Don’t know what a slide rule is for…
But I do know English.
Angle: “a figure formed by two lines diverging from a common point or two planes diverging from a common line.”
Angel: “in some religions, a divine being who acts as a messenger of God”
Your meme is a crime against, not only logic, but English as well.
Unless of course you still are trying to say the “The Devil is Not in the details.”
If so, then one-thousand apologies.
Cheers,
–Lance
***
Yeah Alex, I’m down with this.
By the way,
What color is your parachute?
Cheers!
–Lance
***
Thank you Elizabeth
You have saved me from spilling more virtual ink and killing more virtual trees and wasting more virtual paper on this thread.
In other words, ‘I could not have said it better, nor agree more.’
Welcome to Writer’s Fight Club
Where the men are mostly men
And the women
Never nurture (nor suffer) fools.
Cheers and good luck.
You’re gonna need a bigger boat, by way of a first post.
Just a suggestion
Hope that helps your ‘writing.’
–Lance
***
Are you aiming at ‘cute’ here,
Or just showcasing your stupidity?
If the former, well, FAIL!
If the latter, Congratulations!
“Any plans for tonight?
Fork?”
***
TEXAN TALES & HIEROGLYPHICS: A Memoir
(Working title)
Nap time, that feared time, that dreaded time, that hated time.
Everything recounted above actually happened, in one form or another; me no Alamo.
“Call me Ishmael.”
“That was a whale of a ride, was it not?”
–Lance
***
Hi Belinda,
Thank you very much for spending time on my piece.
Just home from work and of course was anxious to dive in and read your critique. You have provided excellent suggestions and have asked excellent questions. “Pregnant” golf ball. Yeah, whatever was I ‘thinking?’
Haha (Just plain old ‘golf ball’ will certainly suffice here, eh?)
There are many other fine examples in your comments showing how I might improve this selection. No need to recount them here, as you wrote them.
I will copy and paste all your comments into my draft, in order to more easily work through them.
Again, your time and efforts on my behalf are much appreciated.
Thank you,
-Lance
***
“Ah Mortisha, I love it when you speak ‘atheist.’”
–Lance
***
“I’ve learned more from this group in the past 2 months than all the rest of my life.”
Now now Kelly. That’s a bit of a stretch, doan’cha think? Heheheh. Love you, you Manson Girl, you.
“It’s like sprinkling shit with the word “God” and that’s how you get holy shit.”
I am soooo gonna steal this…
J/K
It’s brilliant.
–Lance
***
“Allahu akbar!” BOOM!!!
(May often be heard in Shit-holesParadises like Iraq)
Even if just to say, “Hey! This sucks!” or “Hey! This rocks!” or “Hey! Don’t quit your day job!”
Out now
Comment, anyone?
“I know your monkey”
Would be a great title for… something.
Loved this John. Outstanding piece.
(You wouldn’t happen to have been influenced any by
“Joe Cartoon,” by any chance?)
–Lance
***
Hi Ginette,
I didn’t notice that at first (Mary Beth’s observation about the distance to the gas station—was it a gas station?).
I do understand leaving the lights on, however. I have seen people do this before, if the venue was not particularly well-lit. Although, now-a-days, I’d suspect it might be difficult to find a dimly lit gas station.
Sorry, got caught up in all that…
The ‘hook’ worked for me (probably why I didn’t notice the gas-station walk)
Overall, I think it’s tight and flows well and I would definitely keep reading.
Hope this helped.
Good post.
“Fear kept Wendy Smith from staying in the rusted Sedan.
The compact car smelt of stale beer and cigarettes, but it had been her ticket to freedom. She needed to get gas. She left the headlights on, grabbed her rugged back pack and opened the car door with a trembling hand.
…When their heads were bent down, she turned and ran as fast as she could.”
Cheers,
–Lance
***
The lament of every writing generation,
“We suck!”
And maybe this one does, but I hope not. For I am a cockeyed optimist, à la Mitzi Gaynor…
***
There are still great writers; always will be.
What is distressing, however, is we are the first generation with tools available unimaginable.
And how do most use them?
Cute-Cat-Memes!
Fuck me and hand me a quill and ink pot.
***
Some of your best writing Alex/Marie. Kept me locked up inside.
Love it.
My opinion does not match Dave K’s.
It all works (for me)
‘Cept this below:
“They must have knew their prince was missing by now.”
“must have KNOWN’ (Just typo…)
Bravo Marie!
–Lance
***
My first day in typing class in Honey Grove High, the old Broad K. Trout began our introductory lesson with an exercise:
“Class, two fingers and one thumb and it goes like this:
‘F space J space F space J space… Keep doing that until I get tired.”
And if I’m honest, I thank her. Learning to touch-type is the only thing I took from HS that was worth a shit.
So… I Thank You Kathy T!
Last thoughts; then I’m off the air on this.
(If you’re lucky)
I am not an apologist for LBJ.
Honestly do not care how many ways y’all want to spin your history.
I have not the energy, inclination, nor desire to try to change your mind.
And I have far better things to do than become a caretaker of dead presidents or of their memories.
Unless of course, their visage is printed on some paper I am fortunate enough to be carrying around on my person.
I am not interested in taking part in a trolling war on this subject.
Y’all have expressed your opinions; I have expressed mine.
In parting, I will just add this to that:
It is disheartening to see so many who obviously have not taken time to actually learn anything in detail of the life of Lyndon Johnson or of the good he actually accomplished, jump on some lazy SJW bandwagon and ride it for likes to their comments.
Yes, Viet Nam was horrible, but that was not all that happened during the years, 1963-68.
Four additional ‘massive(s)’ and one bonus ‘massively’ sprinkled in the rest.
Seriously?
You can do better.
“A wee bit over 2000 words.” (Try 2592)
Ok, so arithmetic ain’t your thing; not mine either.
But, honestly, it’s a hot mess. There is NO HOOK at all, just mind-numbing exposition.
Why should I care about Admiral Sarah M. Visherly? Other than the fact she wears leather black gloves, carries a dress dagger and a concealed gun? Or because:
“She… flashed her considerable teeth in a warning snarl.”
My suggestions?
Write it up as a ‘wee bit over 500 words’ piece.
Give us some dialog. Make us interested in Sarah.
Then leave us wanting more.
Save all the ‘massive’ detail for later.
Get-us-involved-in-her-story-right-away.
It’s not all bad. I did slog through as much as I could.
There is some potential here, I think.
Unleash Sarah and let her show us.
Cheers,
–Lance
***
Juditta,
I listened right now, since it’s night.
Loved it.
Shared it to my timeline.
Cheers
–Lance
***
“For twenty-five cents more…”
–Lenny Bruce (“Hubert’s Museum”)
***
Hi Ginette,
Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to give feedback. Adverbs are surely my nemesis. Thought I had cast most of them out of this piece (Yes! There were more, believe it or not), but you’re correct. Further ruthless editing is in order.
I think my problem can best be stated by Gertrude chastising Polonius,
“More matter with less art.”
Your critique is appreciated as is your time. As for MWTD, I think I was trying for cute there. I’m still schlepping about a lot of my ‘hobbyist writer’ baggage, trying desperately to become more ‘professional.’ If I do keep the “Massive Weps,” they probably should be downgraded to lower case at the very least…
And certainly, I love that you love my (developing) style; coming from another writer that means so much.
Cheers, and thank you again,
–Lance
*For Barney* (RIP, My Old, Old, Old, Friend)
Trigger Warning:
May be offensive to people of faith:
***
Barney’s not buyin’ The bullshit they’re tryin’ Space rock was his ending Not God’s will unbending
They say the Big Bang Just weren’t a thang They ‘know’ evolution’s Not their solution
Yet science creates Kids who think straight It don’t take no sleuth To find the true truth
Religion is pending A major upending Then faster than light All Religion is shite
I don’t have any kids (that I know of), but the idea of dealing with eight kids and nine grandkidsscares the shit outta me. I never could relate to kids, even when I was one.
Just saying
–Lance
I actually wrote a bit about my pet cougar, “Charley The Cougar,”
As an erstwhile distance runner, this post caught my eye (or maybe my foot’s eye?).
Enjoyed it.
I always kept a runner’s log when I was doing my forty or so miles a week, and in addition to the usual mundane, but necessary stats (time of day, weather, locale, distance/time run, etc.) I found myself writing longer and longer entries describing the run, my mood, interesting things I saw or experiences I had, people I had notice or notice me, thoughts that invaded my mind, pain, and on and on.
Ran across some of my old logs a few years ago (sadly re-lost to me now) and what wonderful reading they held for me after so many years of almost forgetting that I used to even write such things.
Certainly you are keeping logs as well.
Keep them safe.
You will cherish them mightily some years from now.
–Lance
***
Khalid,
This is far and above anything I could write (today), but I’ll get there.
Maybe.
Amazing.
So many wonderful turns of phrase/ wonderful observations.
“…outerwearly Arab, underwearly Western. That’s also the image of the rooster gone crazy. A funny story I read somewhere. A rooster not knowing exactly the time when to start crowing because he happened to find himself in the Eiffel Tower somehow.”
Wow.
Just fuckin’ wow.
I have a ‘Layla’ in one of my memoir stories.
I am going to shoot her now, for not living up to the name.
Have you more of this piece?
–Lance
***
“Every morning I was dead as a doornail”
When I first read this I read it as “dead as normal”
And went, “Hmmm… I like that”
Then looking closer (yes, I need new glasses), realized I had misread it.
My point: I kind of like my misread version.
Your thoughts Mimi?
Uh, my comment shoulda read, ‘R’Amen.’
As an atheist, I am well-vetted, and my credentials are bona-fide.
–Lance
BELIEVE that shit!
“SHOUT! SHOUT! LET IT ON OUT…”
Credit: Tears and For Beers Fears (Duh)
***
Hi Mona,
“There was compete silence in her mind. No need to escape.”
Maybe: “No thoughts threatened her mind; no need to escape” (?)
Just a thought. (no pun)
I like it overall.
–Lance
If I ‘Learned’ from all my myriad mistakes made, the hard-disk-drive that is my ‘mind’ would first become fragmented, then full, and then just explode.
So where would that leave me?
It would leave me with just-one-more-mess to clean up
(Uh… I think I have recently written about ‘messes.’)
“Should I go for it?”
That one is near to the top of my page. It is the post with the dog falling over in bed.
Yuk, Yuk, Yuk! (I love to laugh at Lance. It is cathartic)
And YES!
Sometimes merely ‘surviving’ is enough.
Great post.
Thanks for sharing the quote.
Cheers,
Lance
***
“But here lies the difference between low-vibing fake ones and high-vibing someone.”
Great line (and meaning)!!
I may be ‘compelled’ to steal it for a future post of my own.
(I will, of course, credit you. I may be a thief, but I am an honest one—does that make sense?)
Great post Angry Bird.
Cheers,
–Lance
Very well-written and thought provoking.
Bravo!
***
To add my ‘two cents’… well two cents which I stole from someone else, namely this guy: some old dude from several years ago,
“And if I say that the greatest good of a man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life which is unexamined is not worth living—that you are still less likely to believe” –Socrates
I had a similar experience with one of my ex-wives, before she became one of my ex-wives (seems I am always in the market for the ‘future ex-mrs-marcom’ And the astute reader will recognize that I just stole that line from ‘Jurassic Park’ –Jeff Goldblum’s character)
Anyway, I was saying…
Oh yeah, my first ex. We were in Tel Aviv (I used to work in the Sinai for the U.S. State Department. You may have read some of ‘those’ posts: Sinai Field Mission.—SFM—Search for them on my blog if you’d like to ‘read more about it.’
Or not.
LOL
***
Damnit! I am gonna finish writing this ‘comment’ ‘even if it harelips the Pope’.
We were sitting at a sidewalk café on Dizengoff Street and I casually remarked,
“You know Janet, maybe we should get married some day.”
She took that to heart. (Or maybe she ‘heard’ me say “Sunday”)
Damn!
I wasn’t meaning ‘right now!’
Next day we were married.
(I had a problem back then with the whole concept of ‘Just say no’ when it came to women, and Nancy was still somewhere far off on the event-horizon at the time: 1979…)
***
***
Dear Reader(s),
If you have come this far, I humbly suggest you find something better to do with your time.
Well baby, there you stand With your little head down in your hand Oh my God, you can’t believe it’s happening again Your baby’s gone and you’re all alone And it looks like the end
Back out on the street And you’re trying to remember, oh How do you start it over You don’t know if you can You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch But you can’t hold your man
You never thought you’d be alone This far down the line But I know what’s been on your mind You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time
The autumn leaves have got you thinking About the first time that you fell, fell You didn’t love the boy too much No, no you just loved the boy too well, yeah
So you live from day to day And you dream about tomorrow And the hours go by like minutes And the shadows come to stay So you take a little something to make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby If I could only stop my mind From wondering what I left behind And from worrying about this wasted time
The love has come and gone The years keep rushing on I remember what you told me Before you went out on your own Sometimes to keep it together You got to leave it alone
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine Maybe someday we will find That it wasn’t really wasted time
–Songwriters: Don Henley / Glenn Lewis Frey
Perfect!
Gonna add this to my Life’s Soundtrack:
Wasted Time!
Wasted Life!
Soon available as a Box’d-Up Set
Available At Fine Book Stores Everywhere.
(If you have a time-machine)
But Now!However….No!
“Wait! No Fine Book Stores Left???”
“No kinda, semi-fine Bookstores?”
“No sorta-fine Bookstores?”
“No Marginally Fine Bookstores?”
“No Mediocre-Fine Bookstores?”
“No Bargain – Basement Bookstores?”
“NO!”
“Well… Fuck me Then! I Quit!”
“Lance, You are already Proper-Fucked!
And you can’t quit: you are an indentured
servant-tude—
Dude”
******
Try Amazon.
Free Shipping…If you have been ‘Primed.’
But ‘BYOP’– Bring Yer Own Pump.
************
“And I could have done so many things Baby
If I could only stop my mind
From wondering what I left behind
And from worrying about this wasted time.”
****
“Oh My God! What’s Happening to me?”
*************
Bonus Track:
BONUS BONUS DOUBLE BONUS TRACK:
Street Cred: JoniJourney
*************
Cheers Y’all!
******
“You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch, this far down the line.”
I’m afraid….
It’s all been wasted time.”
****
Yeah! I fucked up the lyrcs—Go ahead, ask me how many fuks I give.
I can save you from the Mathematical Pain:
Lance casually regards slide-rule.
Picks up same.
Works it.
“Ching! Ching! Ching! Bing!”
Lance regards the slide-rule….
.*******
Then announces:
Survey Says:
Zero!
No Fucks Given!
I’ve No More Fucks To Give!
Cred: Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq
***
The Brass Balls On This Steely-Eye’d Brass Bastard!
I came home one day. So happy to be off work. Walked in the door. Waited for Lucia to jump me and try to claw my eyes out. She did not come. I went looking for her. Found her motionless, prostrated on the floor. Gently I Gathered Her in My Arms and drove Her to The Vet. “Please Fix My Cat” I said handing her to him.
