Now that is a good term from the Cold War, i.e., ‘Le Space Race.’ However, it still rings true today; rings true as something, almost… unattainable, yet so very much coveted.
“Escape Velocity”
Cal Gone! Take me away! (sic) Yeah: sick.
Point is, I have spent the better part of my life ‘playing’ computer games. Some might be tempted to label them ‘video’ games. (They are NOT video games, Love: they are ways I increase my mental, mental…”) Old Story warning here:
That guy. That guy, who used to write about distance running, what was his name” Oh Yeah! Joe Henderson; I read all of his books… Oh yeah! He died of a heart-attack… Just details…
He wrote a bit: His bit went something like this: He was ‘runnin’ down a road. Some kid says, “Hey, Hi! Mister Jogger!” He replied, “Hey Kid! I am not a jogger; I am a runner! A ‘Runner!’ Get it right!” The kid replied, “Well then, why are you jogging?” I had to laugh; been there, et etcetera… This is the part where I get pissed. (And when I get pissed… well, you would not like me)
The worst thing one (amongst the uninitiated) is to say, proclaim: “Are you still playin’ that damn stupid video game?!!” Perfect retort:
“Yes Madame. I am.” “Oh. Well, be a good boy and don’t go downtown, protesting’ and such…” “Yessum. I won’t” “Good boy there then…” “Yes, Ma’am.” (“Now Fuck Off” This is what I did truly think)
But, she I did have a point, but my ‘point’ swerved into something else, which I really do not wanna talk about. My point it thus: Kids that played computer games in the Eighties are now in charge of your world. And to loosely quote Forrest Gump: “That is all I am gonna say about that.”
Some thoughts?
And P.S., Yes! I have of late, been spending some quality time with some of my ‘computer’ games. They know me there, and I don’t have to be too creative (actually, I do, but most….) Well…
My blogging experience is failing me of late. Not to say that I do not appreciate The Community. Just to say… that I am between gigs and this is beginning to weigh upon me.
Certainly, I will be about, but please do not chastise me for not visiting your respective blogs on a respective basis. (My intent is to intentionally do so, albeit, tomorrow), yet… I am real tired.
And my health is no good.
I will catch up…
mañana,
I Promise.
“For Love or Money”
“He Grabs At The Air Because There’s Nothin’ There…”
Credit: Joni
And yeah! In case you missed my ‘subliminal’ bullshit:
(Every so often, Script demanded we ‘kiss’—We never did during rehearsals.)
During one rehearsal, when the script DEMANDED a kiss, and RIGHT NOW!
We didn’t. We did not kiss.
Some fellow ‘actor’ shouted, “Hey! Y’all didn’t do the kiss! How are Y’all gonna do a believable kiss on stage if you don’t rehearse?
Madelyn didn’t miss a beat and coolly replied,
“We rehearse our kisses every night.
When we are at home.
Alone.
So don’t worry.”
Opening night, we kissed, not unlike two horny teens. It was painful. (For her. Not for me! I had been waiting for years to kiss her!)
And right before we kissed, live on stage, in front of about three hundred audience, she whispered to me,
“You better not slip me no tongue.”
So… guess what I did?
Yep.
“C’est Française, n’est-ce-pas?“
She was NOT Amused, but she pulled it off, non·plussed
As if nothing untoward had just happened.
***
OK. I am sober now. Slept off my drunk.
Easy.
I have Slept Off thousands of drunks in my day.
Got that routine down pat.
Could not sleep off my sorrow over losing my
MY
My Dear Madelyn:
New unchartered waters for me.
Never have I lost a sister.
My heart is broke, but this is not gonna be about me.
Lord knows I write too much about me and my narcissism.
This is about My Sister, My Madelyn.
My intent is to write and write and write about her for the next few days until I run out of virtual ink in my virtual pen.
Some of you out there in ‘Radio Land’ knew her.
If you have any memories to share, now would be the time.
This may come across as ‘sick’ to you, read in the harsh light of present day:
But, if I am being honest with my feelings, I must write them.
Since Madelyn and I were not actually ‘blood relations’ there were more than a few times when we were tempted.
Tempted to be much more than step-brother and step-sister.
There for damn sure was a mutual physical and cerebral attraction.
But… we were ‘mature’ enough, even back then, mature enough to understand that we could not go there, however much we, at times, desperately wanted to.
We wanted to ‘go there.’
Oh My God!
How we wanted to ‘Go There’!
We didn’t.
But It would have been so easy.
C’ly I Love You So Very Much!
I Know Nothin’ Stys The Sme (my eh key is still Broken–Fuk it! I’ll Work ‘Round It!)
We had the entire third floor of Marcom Manor to ourselves.
The parents were often gone for days at a time.
Leaving us to ‘fend’ for ourselves.
For the sake of ‘The Family’… we didn’t.
Go there.
We didn’t go there.
Some small part of me wishes we had.
But if we had, this would be quite a different post than the one I am writing right now.
Over all the years there were so many things I wanted to say to Madelyn, but shit always seemed to get in the way.
Now, my mind is racing with all those words left unsaid.
Never to be said, at least not in this place, this alone place I find me in.
I suppose I can just cast this one out into the ether:
“Madelyn, I love/loved you!”
But she cannot hear me now, can she?
“How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?”
********
This Song very well, and very accurately, describes Madelyn.
“Madelyn had a horse once: a cross between a Shetland pony and a Welsh mare. Now, I really don’t know much about horses and during that time I knew even less, but I really did want to play cowboy, so I decided to make friends with the local “real cowboy” and have him teach me how to ride this animal. I was about twelve going on thirteen at the time.
The problem with this horse was that it was a pet. Madelyn had talked my father into buying it for her not long after she and her mom moved in (I was not yet on the scene; was still living with my grandparents.
I suppose I arrived some months after the horse). Anyway, she soon lost interest in Gretchen (is that a proper horse name?) hence, she (Gretchen) never ever got ridden; (I cannot speak for Madelyn.) This will become important later in my story.”
***
Leroy:
First he was taken by Kim. Kim got bored with him and gave him to my step-sister Madelyn. She thought he was just the coolest thing ever!
For about three days…
His coolness factor having for her it seems, a very short half-life, I made her an offer she couldn’t refuse for her coon: Cash Money. Money’s coolness factor has no half-life. She was only too happy to surrender Leroy to my care for the tidy sum of thirty-five bucks. Quite tidy indeed to an unemployed High School girl in 1974.
********
My heart is broken.
I miss you Madelyn!
You were so much more than my sister.
I was so forever in love
With
You
With You
OK. Now I am Drunk again.
Seems I have come ‘Full-Circle.’
I am gonna stop fucking around with this post and just wallow in my grief.
It Was Directed At ME! No One Else But Me! ME FOR FUCK SAKE!
If You Be Too Stupid To Understand That Go Find Some Cute Kitten Vids To Explore & Enjoy!
Jeeze Louise!
Rent a Sense of Humor!
“Just a Quick One For Fun
(Food Makes Me Throw Up In My Mouth)”
Read the comment here if you have no life or a min of time to waste:
barbaramullenix November 15, 2021 at 12:59 Edit:
“Well, you finally topped yourself. I have some of the ‘thickest’ skin around and you finally pissed me off enough to tell you. I don’t know the sort of women you associate with, but none, to my knowledge, after hearing the work ‘cunt’ would have anything to do with you. I would reconsider your claim to be a ‘functioning’ alcoholic if you deem some of your phrasing to be anything but misogynistic. Goodbye, and I hope you eventually get your life together.“
***
I’m Calling ‘Bullshit’ On Her Comment:
SuperciliousBitch!
******
“misogynistic?!”
Are You fucking kidding me?!
I am about as far removed from misogyny as one can possibly be!
Read My Fuckin’ Blog!
I do nothing but celebrate & praise women on these pages!
“I looked at the morning After being up all night I looked at my haggard face in the bathroom light I looked out the window And I I saw that ragged soul take flight I saw a back crow flying In a blue sky“
Had heard Timothy, my neighbor, mucking about.
Figured he could drive me to the beer store soon as they could legally (Crack of Noon in Tejas–Gotta let them Church O’ Christers outta their pen) sell me some wine or beer, or le both.
And some Copenhagen and a bit of food too (While I was at it)
But he was shade-tree mechanic working on someone’s car down the way.
So I just waited and watched the crows
And day-dreamed of booze and food….
*****
To be continued
I Promise
Copenhagen Junkie – Chris LeDoux
Vid Share Street Cred: tjcrnj
Ramen Noodle Song
Vid Cred: Cartoon Connect
****
Had to add
From the Commentary Section:
barbaramullenix to Lance: “I love me some Ramen Noodles. Cheap too!“
****
Lance to barbaramullenix:
“Yeah, Ramen Noodles are chock – full of vitamins and minerals& nutrition come to fruition
Vitamin ‘A’ for ‘Asshole, you should not be eating this’ Vitamin ‘C’ for ‘You really are a dumb cunt, ain’t ya?’
Vitamin ‘D’ for “this Dumbass gonna eat this Shit Mineral ‘S’ for “You’re gonna have a stroke’ Vitamin ‘E’ for ‘Eat me; see what happens to yer body’
“Is it all books and words? Or do you really feel it? Do you really care? Do you really smile. When you smile?”
And since I am rather fond of complete sentences
(and closure)
I just feel compelled to drop this bit in.
(For those few, those happy few, who actually “get” me.
And my sense of humor.)
If I keep dropping mindless shit into this post, I am going to lose my fucking mind.
But I suppose this “Post” Was All About Some Of The Favorite Things I Love To Share.
Now.
Fess up.
Wasn’t it?
Fuck it.
You should not have come this far.
Go Away.
(This one is just for Lance.)
Vid credit: Boston 4 Evaa
“Say, can I have some of your purple berries?” “Yes, I’ve been eating them for six or seven weeks now. Haven’t got sick once.” “Probably keep us both alive.”
I keep ‘sharing’.
But that was the entire point of this entire exercise.
Now,
Wasn’t it?
And just to tie up this thought process…
“Few of My Favorite Things.”
Someday, this post is gonna end.
I am gonna keep milking this cow until she be dry.
(Yes! I am insane!)
Please try to forgive me.
Or not.
Really do not care.
At this point.
“Sharing is Caring.”
Laughing out LOUD!
(I do NOT Subscribe to the “Social Justice Warrior” Magazine.)
‘Cuz I am an asshole.
But then, you’d know that….already.
Thank you if you have read this post.
I am not so much of an ass that I cannot appreciate any time you have spent here.
Early the next morning, I ordered coffee and then waited outside to catch the room service dude/dudette before they could knock on the door and awaken Sleeping Beauty.
(Yes, we had that coffee maker in our room but I wanted ‘real-brewed, bona-fide coffee’ for us and not some Taster’s Choice shit.)
Presently the coffee arrived and I laced mine with Jim Beam, poured lots of sugar and lots of cream into hers.
Very gently, I woke her.
“Ahhh, what time is it?” She said while yawning and reaching for the ceiling, stretching her slightly freckled arms, splaying her fingers, undulating her hips and moving her head round and round as if she were performing some exotic aboriginal dance to summon up a God or maybe a lessor Daemon.
I sat down on the bed close to her, preparing my aim to land a kiss on her lips.
“I smell ‘real’ coffee. You got us some real coffee!” she said, quickly sitting up as my aimed kiss landed on the pillow where her head had been just a moment before.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I was hoping to get at the very least, a kiss out of the deal.”
“I need to pee. Be right back,” she said, jumping up from the bed. “And while you wait, lots of cream, lots of sugar, ‘Sugar,’” laughing at her own joke all the way to the head.
“I Already Did That!” But she didn’t hear as she entered the bathroom and slammed the door shut.
Shonnie, in case you haven’t noticed by now, never, ever does anything delicately, daintily, half-way, or without lusto-gusto.
After what seemed at least an hour, but was more like six minutes, she marched out of the head. The sleepy look had vanished from her eyes, her body language was all energy now. She planted herself in the chair by the bed next to the night stand.
“Here ya go Darlin’,” I said as I handed her, carefully prepared by me, the cup of real, bona-fide coffee.
“Thanks Lover. Now, if you’d be so…”
“Yes yes, I know,” I said, as I lit two ‘Cowboy Killers,’ passing one to her.
“Much obliged,” she giggled, laying it on really thick.
Nervous apprehension descended upon me as I got up and dropped some already queued up, soft and low music into ‘lil boom box’:
The first few notes of Kris and Rita‘s ‘Help me make it through the night’ began. Satisfied it was still queued properly, I immediately shut it off.
“Name that tune Shonnie Girl.”
She took a sip of java, a slow, deliberate drag off her Marlboro, levelled her eyes at me, and said while exhaling, “Uh… ‘Goodtime Charley’s Rag-Tag Band with Tacos and Tamales on the horns section’. Song is called ‘He’s just another dead fish goin’ with the flow’.”
“That’s not even a ‘real’ song. You just pulled that outta your ass,” I protested.
“Of course I did. You wanna a ‘real’ woman in your life or you want one who wastes her time getting ready to be on lame-ass TV game shows?”
“Perfect Segway into something we need to discuss.”
“Perfect…’sledge’…what?!”
My so well-rehearsed plan was coming apart at the seams. I had not meant to push the Red Shonnie Button. I had meant to push the Blue Shonnie Button.
Obviously, I had missed.
Trying to recover lost ground, aiming at some humility and some seriousness, I broached,
“Shonnie, I’m sorry. But I want you to indulge me for a few minutes. Can we shelve our little ‘word trysts’… sorry, our little ‘romantic word battles’ for a moment. I want to talk to you serious. Have a seat on the bed please.”
Suspiciously, she moved her props (ashtray and coffee cup) to the side of the night stand closer to the bed. Then she lay down stretching out and crossing her legs, seductively opening her bath robe as she did so.
“Ok, you have my attention. Do I have yours?”
*This Woman! ¡Ay, caramba!!*
“Shonnie, Baby, I want you to listen to this entire song without saying one word. It is a song I am sure you have heard many, many times, even several times while with me. Pretty certain you know it by heart, but this time, try to listen as if this is the very first time you have ever heard it. And then allow me to say something before you say anything. Will you do this for me?”
With a raised eyebrow, she said, “Uh, sure. Light it up.”
I got up from the other chair in the room, walked over to lil boom box and pressed ‘play’. Then I got into bed, lying close to Shonnie, reached out and grabbed her left hand, entwining my fingers with hers.
The beginning piano chords… as I lay there, using my fingers to tenderly stroke hers.
Kris began the duet:
Take that ribbon from your hair
Shake it loose and let it fall
Layin’ soft against my skin
Like the shadows on the wall…
As the ‘duet’ part of the duet began I stole a glance at her eyes…
I don’t care what’s right or wrong
I won’t try to understand
Let the devil take tomorrow
But tonight I need a friend
And discerned some tears welling up in them.
Shonnie knew where this ship was sailing.
Sailing headlong into dangerous unchartered waters.
And it’s sad to be alone
Help me make it through the night
I don’t want to be alone
Help me make it through the night
The song ended. Shonnie was weeping.
And so was I.
***
I sat up and pulled her into an upright posture. I faced her and took both of her hands in mine, looked straight into those intensely blue eyes,
“My Darling, I don’t want you to help me make it through a night. I want you to help me make it through a life. Our life. Together.”
“I love you Shonnie.”
Through blinked back tears she said, “Yes yes, I know. Have known. Just did not know how you were gonna deal with it. Were you gonna run away scared? Or were you gonna stay not scared?” She tried to produce a laugh as she said, “I gave the ‘stay part’ forty-sixty.”
I drew her close and kissed her very lightly on her neck, then deeply on her mouth.
She continued as I kept her locked in my embrace, “Lance, you know I love you too. Have loved you ever since…”
“Ever since our first night?” I interrupted. “Me too. I loved you from that night.”
***
Joni was well into the next song on my homemade cassette,
Help me, I think I’m fallin’ in love too fast
It’s got me hopin’ for the future and worryin’ about the past
‘Cause I’ve seen some hot, hot blazes come down to smoke and ash
We love our lovin’ (lovin’)
But not like we love our freedom
Neither Shonnie nor I suffered fools lightly, but we knew we were both fools whenever we were together.
How could we even dare to hope for a happy ending to our story? Both of us so headstrong and so independent. She of course not quite as subtle in showing her traits as was I with mine.
And not to mention the two other salient realities:
We were both married, but not to each other.
I was a sailor, and would be compelled to leave her for recurring lengthy deployments at sea.
Liberally and loosely stealing from Shakespeare, we were ‘Star-Struck’, ‘Love-Struck’, ‘Star-Crossed Lovers’ living in a stolen season.
But at that moment, we didn’t care.
We made the most tender, yet passionate, slow passionate, if there is such a thing, love we ever had.
It was, to tritely yet accurately describe it, ‘Heaven on Earth.’
***
We lay there in the warmth of each other, knowing full well our relationship had been forever changed. And I am certain she, as did I, hoped it had changed for the better.
It was already perfect, but now it had the potential to become ever ‘more’ perfect, which I suppose is impossible grammatically, kind of like being ‘more unique’ or some such nonsense, but damn it all!
If we could form a ‘More Perfect Union’ then by God we would!Come Hell or Rapture!
Just hoping we hadn’t fucked up what we already had.
***
After lying there for half an hour, wrapped around each other and not saying even one word, just listening to Joni, we got up silently and sat down in our respective chairs.
Shonnie lit a cigarette and took a big sip of what had to be by now, horrible-tasting cold coffee.
I took a sip of mine, but it had been perma-warmed with Beam.
We exchanged loving, lustful, provocative looks.
But…
Not being able to stand the silence or the exchanged and corny goo-goo eyes any longer, she blurted out, “You gonna teach me that Goddamn card-counting shit or what?!” Then she laughed loudly and hysterically.
And so did I.
Our previous rapport had been spared from our love confessional and thankfully remained fully in-tact.
“Drag your ass and your chair over here while I drag the coffee table between us,” I said.
“Fix me a drink while you’re at it will ya? This coffee tastes like shit which hasn’t even been warmed over.”
“You got it, Darlin.’”
“And stop callin’ me ‘Darlin’ all the damn time. Come up with something new, will ya? You’re wearing me out with that Texas Darlin’ shit!”
I had to laugh. See why I loved her so? What the Hell is not to love about a woman such as she?
However. I think she was trying just a little too hard to make sure that I knew and she knew that our previous tête-à-tête way of banging our respective relationship heads together remained firmly grounded and fully preserved. In other words, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
***
I began teaching her how to count down the deck.
“Shonnie,” I said. “Aces count as zero. Two through nine count as plus one. Tens and the rest (face cards) count as minus one.”
“You’re gonna sit there and keep a running count in your head while you place two-dollar bets. Don’t get fancy. Just use the basic strategy I taught you.”
“When the count goes hot, I mean, when the count goes real positive, anything over plus five, you light a cig in your left hand. I’ll be at the bar and come on over, playing a drunk with a lot of money. Should just be a bit-part for me. No acting required. I can do ‘drunk’ slicker than owl shit.”
“Wait a minute!” She said. “You’re gonna ‘play’ a drunk?”
“Yeah. So what?”
“Never mind. But you probably might need to ‘rehearse’ a little bit.”
“Funny. Anyhow, we’ll go to the El Cortez this evening and you’ll go in first. Take a seat at the blackjack table closestto the bar. I’ll come a few minutes later and park my butt, watching you from the bar.”
“When you signal, I’ll stumble on over and start throwing black chips around. You hand off the count to me by stacking some chips to your right. Five six, seven… Whatever it is. I’ll pretend not to know you while I pick up your count.”
“If all works well, I’ll score a grand or two or three, then feign needing to move on, color my chips and bug. You stay for another twenty minutes or so and then meet me back at The Plaza. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“Great Girl,” I said.
“Oh Yeah? Fuck you! If we get into trouble, it’s on your ass.”
“Honey, nothing illegal ‘bout countin’, but they do frown on it. We’ll be fine. Just lay off the sauce a bit.”
“Double Fuck You!” she said.
“There’s that Girl I love.”
“Love? I thought we had alreadysettled thatissue.”
***
For the rest of the morning and slightly into the afternoon we practiced her ‘counting.’ She was surprisingly adept and dare I admit, picked it up much quicker than I had back when I was floating around in the Northern Indian Ocean trying to teach myself.
I pronounced her ‘Ready for Prime Time.’
“Ready? I was ‘ready’ two fuckin’ hours ago. I’ve just been humoring you. Can we have some food now?”
Love is a Many-‘Splintered’Thing… and a Double-Edged Sword of Damocles.
And absolutely extraordinarily exhilaratingwith Shonnie.
Below You Will Find Most Of The Original Posts. Once / If You Arrive At Thirteen There Are Links To The Final Few Chapters. Please keep in mind however, that each and every one of them is in the process of being rewritten: first to last. This will probably take at least two or three weeks.
12 THOUGHTS ON “SHONNIE THE BIKER’S WIFE, PART IX: COUNTING”
LAMarcom July 18, 2014 at 10:05 Edit
Pretty sure you could. Just takes practice.
Thanks for reading Teela!
Teela Hart July 18, 2014 at 09:59 Edit
I couldn’t count cards if I wanted to.
Looking forward to reading the rest.
T
LAMarcom July 1, 2014 at 21:01 Edit
Problem with me being ‘Lance Corporal’ is that I am a Sailor, not a Marine. 😉
There are many different levels of skill in card counting. I had honed my skills on a six month Western Pacific deployment. I also read Thorpe’s book and Kenny Uston’s.
(This book must be a later edition. The one I worn out reading, I purchased from a book store in Hong Kong. Same title, but published in the late Seventies if memory serves. Was not aware of any later editions. Might be the same book, just a reprint.)
I taught Shonnie just the basic count. Not as powerful as the more sophisticated ones (for example keeping a side count on Aces). The thing I learned from Uston was the concept of the ‘Big Player.’
The easiest way to get spotted as a card counter is to be betting small, then suddenly when the deck goes ‘hot’, start betting large. Sure tip off. Having someone else counting, then walking up and immediately placing big bets is safer. Usually.
Thanks for your comments and for the visit. You are correct. I need to finish this up. I aim to.
Cheers,
Lance
Exile on Pain Street July 1, 2014 at 06:24 Edit
You make counting sound so easy! If you don’t have a brain for numbers or, like myself, a functioning brain at all, you get pretty tripped-up in the pluses and minuses. But that’s a pretty concise explanation.
I know my way around a craps table but don’t know nuthin’ ’bout no stinkin’ cards. I’ve sat at black jack tables and fucked it up for everyone. Boy, do they give you dirty looks!
I think it’d be cool if your last name was Corporal. You’d be Lance Corporal. See what I did there? Finish this up. Did you get busted?
LAMarcom June 30, 2014 at 18:22 Edit
It’s a grind if ya do it right Sadie. More and more difficult these days. Most of the Joints deal from a six-deck shoe and reshuffle halfway into it. Tough to get a real advantage.
Thanks very much for reading and commenting.
Peace,
Lance
LAMarcom June 30, 2014 at 18:21 Edit
Laughing my ass off!
Thanks Annie.
Cheers
LAMarcom June 30, 2014 at 18:20 Edit
You could be right Mark.
Thanks for the read and your comment. I appreciate it.
Cheers
LAMarcom June 30, 2014 at 18:19 Edit
Yeah, I think I know that guy.
Hahaha.
Thanks My Friend.
Cheers
happierheathen June 29, 2014 at 22:26 Edit
One of my cousins is a nice guy who dresses well and speaks softly, and if you aren’t careful about counting cards in certain Vegas “properties” he’ll drop by and invite you to take a walk with him. Good thing you didn’t get to meet him.
markbialczak June 29, 2014 at 19:14 Edit
Somebody’s gonna end up either beat to a pulp in the back room of the casino or bloody face down on the pavement in front of the joint, and I sure hope it ain’t Shonnie. You know how to build the tension, Lance-a-rooney.
Mad Annie, Bronwyn, Ann June 29, 2014 at 19:12 Edit
“There’s that Girl I love.”
“Love?”
Methinks the cat just landed amidst the pigeons!
Loading…
~ Sadie ~ June 29, 2014 at 18:42 EditDamn – you can get an education anywhere 😉 I want to try that card counting shit, now!!! Thanks Lance for teaching me something new & the continued saga . . . great writing & storytelling!!
