Lima Ohio? (Or Just A Mole With a Hair In It?)

Okay

I am an arrogant Texan, but I love Lenny Bruce. A man just about as far from removed from Texan as one could ever be. (Except maybe George Bush the Elder)

Lenny was no friend to Texas or Texans

Lyndon Johnson

The Scar He Was So Proud Of

LBJ: (Or “Southern Speech, Or At Least What Passes for ‘Speech’)

Thanks Lenny

Lima

The Real Scar

The Real Scar

R.I.P.

Please listen (and comment)

(If you never listen to any other Lenny Bruce, Please listen to this one)

Lima, Ohio:

Bless Y’all Lenny…

The Bust

Daily Lenny: Uncle Earl (of Louisiana)–A “Re-Poster, Poster” C’est Vrai: C’est Moi. That Is All, Y’all

Hi Kids!

Today’s Daily Lenny is about Uncle Earl, Guv’na of the Great State of Louisiana.

Now…

Uncle Earl was nuts; that is why we loved Uncle Earl. Especially us Texans loved Uncle Earl, because he was just like our Governors: Whacked Out. Only wors’er.

Uncle Earl

Uncle Earl

Molly spoke about him:

“If Louisiana eventually elects Duke (David Duke) governor, don’t expect any sympathy from Texas. They sent us one of their barmy governors once before—Earl Long, who was Huey’s crazy brother. Earl finally got so bad his own family shipped him off to a nuthouse in Galveston. We kept him for six weeks and then let him go; he looked like a perfectly normal governor to us.”

From: Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?

Hereeee’s Lenny!! 

On Donald Trump! (Kids, this is the audio you need to listen to. Yes, the names have been changed to protect the guilty) Click the little arrow and follow the Orange Hair Road to Perdition.

belafonte

Harry

 Once Again…

I throw this in (I already  paid for it)

Why NOT?

Too tired…but y’all know the thrill drilll… more lenny here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Wanna Chastise Me?

The Line Forms To The Right. Take A Number

Take A Number

Daily Lenny: Miami Kidnap. Or Shark Bit Me. Truth Is/ I Just Got Reee-leased From Hospital–Again! Story At Eleven…. Oh, And By The Way, I am Being Evicted–Once Again. What is Wrong With These People?

The Hits, They Just Keep On A-Comin’

Welcome To MY World!

Why Me Lord?

***

Denis Leary – Asshole

Quite a bit of Yiddish (and Jewish) in this bit.

(love it)

Here ya go:

Young Lenny

And Thanks For Listening

More Lenny Here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Bonus:

Sarah!

tex flag

 

Daily Lenny: Miami, or Don’t Punch That Shark In The Nose. You Run That Risk Of Just Pissing Him Off–Then He Will Eat You

Below you will find The Daily Lenny:

Miami, or…

Don’t Hit That Shark In The Nose.

(You will probably just piss him off)

This is Waaaayyy too Long. Almost a Novella. Read if You’re Really Bored. Screw IT! I’ll Re-post it Anyway: “Shark Fishin’ For A Livin’”

Shark in nose

Electric Chairs

Thank you for listening.

More Lenny Here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

How Now Brown Cow? Daily Lenny: Carnegie Hall Part II. Only Lenny Fans Need Apply; All Others Will Be Taken Out Back & Shot (Just Kiddin’ Y’all)

TGIF and Here is The Daily Lenny: Carnegie Hall Part II

Enjoy!

 (Thanks to It’s okay t.v.  for posting this one on YouTube) 

Thanks for visiting and listening

More Lenny may be found here

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

tex flag

 

I Have Never Claimed To Possess Any Small Semblance of Discernible Intelligence, But I Keep Strivin’ To ‘Sailor-On’ And Entertain Both of my Readers

TA’ Does Not Always Necessarily Mean ‘Tits an’ Ass'” Happy Belated Purim! Is-Rail Is REAL!

I Love Jewish Culture.

“If I Were A Rich Man”

Sadly, I Am Not!

Shamelessly Lifted From The Brilliant Film,

‘Fiddler-On-The-Roof

(I Only Steal The Good Shit–How I Roll, Y’all Know….)

“I Realize it is NO Shame To Be Poor…”

Poverty is Somewhat

‘Freeing’

It Provides One’s God-Given RIGHT

To Invite ‘Rich’ People To Go Get Fu*k’d!

I ‘Embrace My Poverty!

And With Two Loving Open Arms’

Shit!

I cannot find my Gladys Lehanni Post.

Give me time…

Arrived Tel Aviv one afternoon Late ‘78.

Soon to be Stoned, Dazed and Confused and Somewhat Abused.

One of my fellow SFM drivers, Perry, a good bud of mine, had convoyed with me through the Sinai Desert and into TA. Each of us driving deuce and a’halfs and at dangerous, reckless speeds.

We checked into the Pal Hotel which SFM had migrated to after the New Sheraton had made it plain they no longer desired nor needed the patronage of Sinai Field Mission Types, specifically the Texan ones–Which made up about 88 Percent of Sinai Field Mission Personnel.

I/We, preferred the Pal Hotel anyway. (They loved us and our fun-loving ways and how we were always, without fail, Big Tippers to The Hotel Staff)

“Fuck You Uptight Sheraton New Hotel!”

(This sentiment was unanimous amongst all-of-us-Texan Expats)

Of course for both of you Lenny Fans out there in ‘Radio Land’  I just had to drop this audio bit in. It really is not germane (nor certainly not German) to the point, but it do expand on the title somewhat.

It occurred to me that when using the term ‘Tits an’ Ass” some would not know the etymology. Lenny first coined the phrase. (Bless his heart).  He did some jail time too… for his transgressions.

So…when I first arrived to SFM and folks would talk of TA, imagine my confusion.

Lenny Bruce audio below ‘Tits and Ass’

Worth a listen

After settling in, Perry called me from his room, “Hey Lance. Got anything goin’ tonight?”

“Nope,” I replied. “Not a damn thing. You know Gladys done dumped me for that Venzu-walon dude.”

(Some Histoire on Gladys — Or as Bart Armstrong Called her: “Happy Butt”): 

First Israeli Love. Her name was Gladys Lehani and she spoke French, English, Hebrew, and Lies. I was instantly enamored. She worked nights at the Tel Aviv Sheraton in the ‘Kum Kum’ Lounge, a bar. During the afternoons she was a cashier in the little lobby area of the hotel. A place where one could look out the huge windows at the Mediterranean, have a cocktail, read a book, and flirt with her. I spent many hours there doing all four.

“Come on up to my room.” Perry said, “We’ll smoke a bowl.”

“On my way,” I said and hung up. We smoked a few bowls of hashish,

(All we could get in The Middle of The Fucking East–Which we would have Killed For In Texas, But after a few Years of NOTHING But Hashish, We Missed Good Old, Old-Fashion Pot)

drank some Amstels, and decided to head over to Dizengoff Street to check out the action. And sate some munchies. Just yet another night in TA.

dizengoff-cafe

Dizengoff Cafe

We stepped out onto Hayarkon Street just after sundown and proceeded to float on toward Dizengoff, a few short blocks away.

We were stoned beyond repair. As we tried to navigate across the busy Hayarkon four lane, we noticed more than the average number of folk on foot.

As soon as we had arrived on the leeward shore of Hayarkon, a teenage girl came running up to us and smacked us both on the top of our heads with a little plastic mallet. Then said something unintelligible in Hebrew and ran giggling away.

“What the fuck was that?!” I asked Perry.

“Dude, I gots no idea, but look yonder!” he said pointing up the street. Sure as shit, there were people everywhere; all armed with similar plastic mallets, just wailing the shit outta each other’s heads.

“Dude! We gotta sort this out.

This is just too weird. Must be some kinda religious ritual.” This is what my hashish soaked brain was telling me anyway. We made our way to Dizengoff, after having our heads bonked repeatedly by overzealous religious fanatics. I spied a street vendor displaying the plastic mallets with aplomb.

“Perry, we gots to git one ah them for self-defense.”

We purchased one each and went to whackin’ pretty Sabras about the head. (Great way to meet women, I must confess—Kinda Neanderthal—but what the hell?) Later I was told we had experienced some joyful Israeli Halloween-Like festival. Mardi Gras, it weren’t but dammit! I had fun. (But I didn’t get any beads)

Nor Did I get laid that night, In spite of me whacking the heads of so many Pretty Sabras.

To this day, I do not know the holiday, or festival. Are there any out there who would care to enlighten me? Tis one-of-those-unknown-things that still haunt me today. Perhaps if I had not been stoned…

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Purim

My Jewish Friends: Was it Purim I had experienced? My enquirin’ mind really do wanna know.

 

TITS AND ASS BIT: LENNY