Why Did I Never “Make” A Daughter? Just One More of My life’s List Of Monumental Fuck-Ups! “Wallowing in Self-Pity For Never ‘Making’ A Daughter. Yes! A Recent Re-Run! Please Ignore My Prose & Just Watch The Videos!”

Lance. Obnoxious Editorial Note: Why Does It Take Four Decades To Up-Load a Fifty Mega-Byte Clip? Sheeit!

I Had Better Internet in Iraq!

I called up my ‘Internet Survive Provider….’

Guess How That Went

“Hello Valued Customer; How may we Help YOU Today?”

“You can eat Shit and Die!–How’s That For My Pre-Amble?”

Our Conversation Went Down-Hill from There.

How I Would be, as a Daughter Daddy:

Don’t Bother Reading.

It is Just For The Record of My Self-Pity. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me. This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.” That’s a Lie. I did cry.

I have been re-watching “Mad Men”–Most are familiar with the show.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past two decades:

The series is all about Madison Avenue.

Advertising in The Sixties.

Anyway,

This ‘commercial’

is

Brilliant!

It actually brought a tear to my eye

(See below about how sorry I feel for myself for not taking the time to have a daughter)

Credit: Vanguard

***

One More “Daughter-Related” Brilliantly done Commercial

“Roots and Wings”

Vid Cred: Entertainment Marketing

Longer Version Audio Only—Full Vid has been flushed down the Memory Hole. I Shoulda Saved It when I Had The Chance. Shit!

Artist:  Miranda Lambert

***

Rosanne

Vid Cred: I don’t Know, (I am too drunk to be bothered to look but thak you!

Whoever the fu*k, Hell you are!)

***

More of Rosanne!

“You know that life don’t hold no glamour anymore”

Let’s break this down, shall we?

It all hinges on the word ‘that’

And how you intrepret the usage of it

“You know ‘that life’ don’t hold no glamor anymore.”

Could mean potential sucicide

or…

You know ‘that’ life, could mean “I am fucking tired of being a performing artist and I want a ‘real life’

What do Y’all think?

Which is it?

Could be both

This is the genius of the song

I think the “answer” lies in the last Line:

“Maybe I’ll just go away to stay”

Now that that mystery is solved I can move on

Hey Johnny!

Best “Thing” You Ever “Created!”

I am so Fuckin’ Jealous!

You Asshole!

You Lucky Asshole!

“Guess I Could Never Do Nothin’ Right!”

Orig Song Cred: Jerry Jeff Walker

***

An aside:

Damnit! I wish I had a daughter!

(Fuckin’ ‘DUH!)

***

The Commercial Copywriters were obviously inspired by this classic Ben E. King:

Spanish Harlem

And Yes It is Not Lost On Me That

“Rose” is Metaphor for a Woman

Just like “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

I have a little left of my brain

Y’all

Cred for Vid: John1948OneD

***

I should have worked in advertising.

Pretty sure I would have been good / great at it.

I understand how it ‘works’

***

P. T. Barnum:

“There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute”:

Content Creator Cred: Professor Buzzkill

***

Lance in an alternate life/universe:

***

Bonus Material For Reference:

Yellow Rose of Texas

(Originally Written Circa 1850)

(Which was actually about a very beautiful half-black slave girl–put that in yer pipe)

Smoke it!

Vid Cred: Lane Brody

Artists: Johnny Lee & Lane Brody

Recycled, Expan’Dex Post Re-Rum–“Red ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! TAKE COVER! TAKE COVER! PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR NEAREST & DEAREST BUNKER!” Then Kiss Your Ass G’Bye

(Heard This ‘Broad-Cast’–Yes, The “Voice” From ‘The BIG VOICE Was Female UK BROAD) Damn Near Ev’r Night Over. Those Assholes NEVER Showed The Common Courtesy To Rocket Us During Daylight Hours.

I Had To Listen To This Shite. Every Night. During The Course of the Five Years I Lived in Iraq & Afghanistan I Was Rudely Awakened Thusly

And Right ‘Bout The Time I Had Achieved REM Status. Rarely Would I Even Get Outta My Rack. I’d Just Go Right Back To Sleep. Nothing In Iraq Nor Afghanistan Ever Frightened Me.

It Was Just One More of Joni’s Three Great Stimulants. How I Regarded It Anyway. I Had, By That Time, Already Been Around The World

Twice

Ain’t Shit I Hadn’t Seen Three Times Already

Hell!

I Once Saw Two White Whales Fuck In The

Northern

Indian Ocean

How Many You Know Can Claim THAT?

Watch Thus Or go to fuk u’re self!

And Hey!

“If It’s Your ‘Time, It’s You Time’ that Was Our Mantra

****

Come On YA’LL! READ THIS ONE! I spent at Least Five Minute(s) Writing IT! Y’ALL. I mis-Spiel for The Effect! Hahahahahaa!

“I am Re-Re Posting This Expanded Version Because I am Wallowing in Self-Pity For not ever ‘Making’ A Daughter. Don’t Bother Reading.

It is Just For The Record of My Self-Pity. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me. This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.”

That’s a Lie. I did cry

I have been re-watching “Mad Men”–Most are familiar with the show.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past two decades:

The series is all about Madison Avenue.

Advertising in The Sixties.

Anyway,

This ‘commercial’ (Found Below)

is

Brilliant!

It actually brought a tear to my eye

(See below about how sorry I feel for myself for not taking the time to have a daughter)

Credit: Vanguard

***

One More “Daddy-Daughter-Related” Brilliantly done Commercial

“Roots and Wings”

Vid Cred: Entertainment Marketing

Longer Version (Audio Only—Full Vid has been flushed down the memory hole. Shit!)

Artist:  Miranda Lambert, Native Texan.So Y’all KNOW, I’m ‘Partial’

***

Rosanne Cash

Johnny’s Little Girl

Vid Cred: I don’t Know, (I am too drunk to be bothered to look but thank you!

(Whoever you are!)

***

More of Rosanne!

“You know that life don’t hold no glamour anymore”

Let’s break this down, shall we?

It all hinges on the word ‘that’

And how you interpret the usage of it

“You know ‘that life’ don’t hold no glamour anymore.”

Could mean potential suicide

or…

You know ‘that’ life, could mean “I am fucking tired of being a performing artist and I want a ‘real life’

What do Y’all think?

Which is it?

Could be both

This is the genius of the song

I think the “answer” lies in the last Line:

“Maybe I’ll just go away to stay”

Now that that mystery is solved I can move on

Hey Johnny!

Best “Thing” You Ever “Created!”

I am so FRIkin’ Jealous!

You Asshole!

You Lucky Asshole!

“Guess I Could Never Do Nothin’ Right!”

Orig Song Cred: Jerry Jeff Walker

***

An aside:

Damnit! I wish I had a daughter!

(DUH!)

***

The Commercial Copywriters were obviously inspired by this classic Ben E. King:

Spanish Harlem

And Yes It is Not Lost On Me That

“Rose” is Metaphor for a Woman

Just like “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

I have a little left of my brain

Y’all

Cred for Vid: John1948OneD

***

I should have worked in advertising.

Pretty sure I would have been good / great at it.

I understand how it ‘works’

***

P. T. Barnum:

“There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute”:

Content Creator Cred: Professor Buzzkill

***

Lance in an alternate life/universe:

***

Bonus Material For Reference:

Yellow Rose of Texas

(Originally Written Circa 1850)

(Which was actually about a very beautiful half-black slave girl–put that in yer pipe)

Smoke it!

Vid Cred: Lane Brody

Artists: Johnny Lee & Lane Brody

Wallowing in Self-Pity For Never ‘Making’ A Daughter. Yes! A Recent Re-Run! Please Ignore My Prose & Just Watch The Videos!

Lance. Obnoxious Editorial Note: Why Does It Take Four Decades To Up-Load a Fifty Mega-Byte Clip? Sheeit!

I Had Better Internet in Iraq!

I called up my ‘Internet Survive Provider….’

Guess How That Went

“Hello Valued Customer; How may we Help YOU Today?”

“You can eat Shit and Die!–How’s That For My Pre-Amble?”

Our Conversation Went Down-Hill from There.

How I Would be, as a Daddy:

Don’t Bother Reading.

It is Just For The Record of My Self-Pity. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me. This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.” That’s a Lie. I did cry.

I have been re-watching “Mad Men”–Most are familiar with the show.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past two decades:

The series is all about Madison Avenue.

Advertising in The Sixties.

Anyway,

This ‘commercial’

is

Brilliant!

It actually brought a tear to my eye

(See below about how sorry I feel for myself for not taking the time to have a daughter)

Credit: Vanguard

***

One More “Daughter-Related” Brilliantly done Commercial

“Roots and Wings”

Vid Cred: Entertainment Marketing

Longer Version (Audio Only—Full Vid has been flushed down the memory hole. Shit!)

Artist:  Miranda Lambert

***

Rosanne

Vid Cred: I don’t Know, (I am too drunk to be bothered to look but thak you!

Whoever the fu*k, Hell you are!)

***

More of Rosanne!

“You know that life don’t hold no glamour anymore”

Let’s break this down, shall we?

It all hinges on the word ‘that’

And how you intrepret the usage of it

“You know ‘that life’ don’t hold no glamor anymore.”

Could mean potential sucicide

or…

You know ‘that’ life, could mean “I am fucking tired of being a performing artist and I want a ‘real life’

What do Y’all think?

Which is it?

Could be both

This is the genius of the song

I think the “answer” lies in the last Line:

“Maybe I’ll just go away to stay”

Now that that mystery is solved I can move on

Hey Johnny!

Best “Thing” You Ever “Created!”

I am so Fuckin’ Jealous!

You Asshole!

You Lucky Asshole!

“Guess I Could Never Do Nothin’ Right!”

Orig Song Cred: Jerry Jeff Walker

***

An aside:

Damnit! I wish I had a daughter!

(Fuckin’ ‘DUH!)

***

The Commercial Copywriters were obviously inspired by this classic Ben E. King:

Spanish Harlem

And Yes It is Not Lost On Me That

“Rose” is Metaphor for a Woman

Just like “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

I have a little left of my brain

Y’all

Cred for Vid: John1948OneD

***

I should have worked in advertising.

Pretty sure I would have been good / great at it.

I understand how it ‘works’

***

P. T. Barnum:

“There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute”:

Content Creator Cred: Professor Buzzkill

***

Lance in an alternate life/universe:

***

Bonus Material For Reference:

Yellow Rose of Texas

(Originally Written Circa 1850)

(Which was actually about a very beautiful half-black slave girl–put that in yer pipe)

Smoke it!

Vid Cred: Lane Brody

Artists: Johnny Lee & Lane Brody

Yes, I Know: I Recently Posted This. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me.”

This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.

I Am A Hopeless Romantic

***

I have been re-watching “Mad Men”–Most are familiar with the show.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past two decades,:

The series is all about Madison Avenue.

Advertising in The Sixties.

Anyway,

This ‘commercial’

is

Brilliant!

It actually brought a tear to my eye

(See below about how sorry I feel for myself for not taking the time to have a daughter)

Credit: Vanguard

***

One More “Daughter-Related” Brilliantly done Commercial

“Roots and Wings”

Vid Share Cred: G7 Entertainment Marketing

Artist:  Miranda Lambert

***

An aside:

Damnit! I wish I had a daughter!

***

The Commercial Copywriters of the above were obviously inspired by this classic Ben E. King:

Spanish Harlem

And Yes It is Not Lost On Me That

“Rose” is Metaphor for a Woman

Just like “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

I have a little left of my brain

Y’all

Cred for Vid: John1948OneD

***

I should have worked in advertising.

Pretty sure I would have been good / great at it.

I understand how it ‘works’

***

P. T. Barnum:

“There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute”

(Barnum Never Actually Said That. It is Apocryphal)

Content Creator Cred: Professor Buzzkill

***

Lance in an alternate life/universe:

***

Bonus Material For Reference:

Yellow Rose of Texas

(Originally Written Circa 1850)

I am a Romantic SAP

(Which was actually about a very beautiful half-black slave girl–put that in yer pipe)

Smoke it!

Vid Cred: Lane Brody

Artists: Johnny Lee & Lane Brody

I Know! I Keep Re-Posting Shite, But I love to Share My Favorite Things. “Mad Man! Across That Bridge Over Fukked-Up, Troubled Waters: C’est Moi! (Apologies To Paul & Art… And Elton & Julie)”

Just A Few Of My Favorite Things

“I Just Try To Think of Nice Things.”

Dandy Dapper Don:

***

Best, most facinating female character in the show:

Peggy!

Street Cred for Vid: The Tempest

Peg!

***

JOAN!

“Just Joan”

“Just Joan”

(Somewhat esoeric quote from “Jewel of the Nile” 1985–Sorry!)

Cred for Vid: The Power Moves

***

I Have been re-visiting the TV Series “Mad Men” From AMC (I think)

Anyway, I love this show!

Why? One may ask.

In a nutshell:

It features lots of alcohol and tobacco abuse.

And relationship abuse.

On both sides of the gender coin.

These are all topics/subjects near and too dear to my heart.

Pretty much Don Draper is my spirit animal.

If you are not familiar with the show, these references will be lost on you.

Oh well.

I tried.

***

Cred for Vid: WatchMojo.com

(A site I hate, but sometimes a necessary evil–I still hate them. They are just too condescending)

***

Lame-Ass-Lance Author’s Notes:

There is so very much more I want to write on this work of TV/Show Brilliance!

Perhaps I shall.

But not right now.

***

But Check back early and often!

Recycled, Expan’Dex Post Re-Run-Red “ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! TAKE COVER! TAKE COVER! PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR NEAREST & DEAREST BUNKER!” (Heard This ‘Broad-Cast’–Yes, The “Voice” From ‘The BIG VOICE Was Female UK BROAD) Damn Near Ev’r Night Over. Those Assholes NEVER Showed The Common Courtesy To Rocket Us During Daylight Hours.

I Had To Listen To This Shite. Every Night. During The Course of the Five Years I Lived in Iraq & Afghanistan I Was Rudely Awakened Thusly

And Right ‘Bout The Time I Had Achieved REM Status. Rarely Would I Even Get Outta My Rack. I’d Just Go Right Back To Sleep. Nothing In Iraq Nor Afghanistan Ever Frightened Me.

It Was Just One More of Joni’s Three Great Stimulants. How I Regarded It Anyway. I Had, By That Time, Already Been Around The World

Twice

Ain’t Shit I Hadn’t Seen Three Times Already

Hell!

I Once Saw Two White Whales Fuck In The

Northern

Indian Ocean

How Many You Know Can Claim THAT?

Watch Thus Or go fuk u’re self!

And Hey!

“If It’s Your ‘Time, It’s You Time’ that Was Our Mantra

****

Come On YA’LL! READ THIS ONE! I spent at Least Five Minute(s) Writing IT! Y’ALL. I mis-Spiel for The Effect! Hahahahahaa!

“I am Re-Re Posting This Expanded Version Because I am Wallowing in Self-Pity For not ever ‘Making’ A Daughter. Don’t Bother Reading.

It is Just For The Record of My Self-Pity. “Every (Rare) Once In A While I See Something On TV That ‘Moves’ Me. This Commercial Moved Me–Gave Me Hope–Made Me Misty-Eyed. Almost Cried.”

That’s a Lie. I did cry

I have been re-watching “Mad Men”–Most are familiar with the show.

For those who have been living under a rock for the past two decades:

The series is all about Madison Avenue.

Advertising in The Sixties.

Anyway,

This ‘commercial’ (Found Below)

is

Brilliant!

It actually brought a tear to my eye

(See below about how sorry I feel for myself for not taking the time to have a daughter)

Credit: Vanguard

***

One More “Daddy-Daughter-Related” Brilliantly done Commercial

“Roots and Wings”

Vid Cred: Entertainment Marketing

Longer Version (Audio Only—Full Vid has been flushed down the memory hole. Shit!)

Artist:  Miranda Lambert, Native Texan.So Y’all KNOW, I’m ‘Partial’

***

Rosanne Cash

Johnny’s Little Girl

Vid Cred: I don’t Know, (I am too drunk to be bothered to look but thank you!

(Whoever you are!)

***

More of Rosanne!

“You know that life don’t hold no glamour anymore”

Let’s break this down, shall we?

It all hinges on the word ‘that’

And how you interpret the usage of it

“You know ‘that life’ don’t hold no glamour anymore.”

Could mean potential suicide

or…

You know ‘that’ life, could mean “I am fucking tired of being a performing artist and I want a ‘real life’

What do Y’all think?

Which is it?

Could be both

This is the genius of the song

I think the “answer” lies in the last Line:

“Maybe I’ll just go away to stay”

Now that that mystery is solved I can move on

Hey Johnny!

Best “Thing” You Ever “Created!”

I am so FRIkin’ Jealous!

You Asshole!

You Lucky Asshole!

“Guess I Could Never Do Nothin’ Right!”

Orig Song Cred: Jerry Jeff Walker

***

An aside:

Damnit! I wish I had a daughter!

(DUH!)

***

The Commercial Copywriters were obviously inspired by this classic Ben E. King:

Spanish Harlem

And Yes It is Not Lost On Me That

“Rose” is Metaphor for a Woman

Just like “The Yellow Rose of Texas”

I have a little left of my brain

Y’all

Cred for Vid: John1948OneD

***

I should have worked in advertising.

Pretty sure I would have been good / great at it.

I understand how it ‘works’

***

P. T. Barnum:

“There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute”:

Content Creator Cred: Professor Buzzkill

***

Lance in an alternate life/universe:

***

Bonus Material For Reference:

Yellow Rose of Texas

(Originally Written Circa 1850)

(Which was actually about a very beautiful half-black slave girl–put that in yer pipe)

Smoke it!

Vid Cred: Lane Brody

Artists: Johnny Lee & Lane Brody