“Kate! Katherine! Muse!” I shouted, as I bounded from my computer chair over to her.
“I love you! Will you marry me or no? I must know!”
I stood in front of her, trembling.
She stood up, sidestepped the nasty coffee table, and walked up to face me at very close range.
She pierced me with those eyes. Looked down (almost sadly—I perceived—then took my hands into hers)
She looked back into my eyes and said,
“Lance, Baby, you understand I am not a real girl. You created me. I live in your mind and at your leisure.”
“Yes. I am a figment of your mind. Does not mean I don’t love you. I will always be here for you. And if you choose, I will love you. I will ‘write’ you, as far as you may write yourself. But ‘marry’?
You must write for YOU, and only for YOU.”
She dropped my hands and sat back down on The Nasty Couch. Took a sip of Pinot, picked up her NY Times, took another sip of Pinot, and a drag off her Virginia Slims, and as if nothing had just happened, got back to being Her.
I retired to my writing chair. Sat there for some moments, tears welling, then smiled inside.
“She will always love me. She has no choice. It is all up to me,” I mused.
And then I got busy writing.
After some pregnant pauses…
“Hey Asshole! You better be writing something readable!” I heard from over my shoulder.
Yes! She loves me still!
Just to ‘Lighten’ the mood…
The Sudden Stark Realization That MS Muse Was Not Real…
My ‘War’ With Kent was better-natured than it may at firstappear.
No Gods were harmed during this war.
Some mortal egos may have been bruised however.
This post is a chocolate mess.
I once knew a Theist named Kent
Who told me his Joy Heaven Sent
But his mind slipped a gear
His faith fled in fear
So I gave up on Kent for Lent
What do you call a ‘Facebooker’ who accuses another ‘Facebooker’ of hacking his own post and then reports said ‘hacker’ to Facebook for hacking his own post and then posts on his timeline, in excruciating detail how he, using his stellar sleuth skillset, figured all this out?
Take your time…
OK, time’s up.
“A Self-Made Fool, Devoid of Logic, who plays the ‘Pity Me’ card because he wants to become a laughing stock for anyone who knows how Facebook actually works.” (And for some who don’t)
Or succinctly put, you call him “Kent”
But don’t take MY word for it; you can read some samples of his ‘piercing eloquence’ below:
To let everyone get a little good news or good thought or just bring a little happiness on Facebook. I try to be positive and enjoy getting in contact with others old and new friends.
Check my profile I want to share and be friendly with all post and maybe make a positive difference in as many peoples’ lives as I can. Try and let the good things in the world come to light. Every now and then I may post something negative but it is trying to make a positive difference.
This is as good of a world as you want it to be. I choose to try and stay away from the bad things in the world. There really is a lot of good going on out there. I want to enjoy and be as happy as I can. While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy
“While sharing my happiness with all I can. Happy,happy,happy”
Classic case of ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’
Gibson’s “Hamlet” Is The Very BEST!
Even Better Than Sir Laurence Olivier
Who are you trying to convince of your “happy, happy, happy,” happiness?
You or ‘they’? All of ‘they’?
I think you, as do probably 99.99 percent of posters, just seek validation of your self-worth.
All are just ‘chasing likes’.
And this is fine—human nature, as it were.
I have read a lot of your posts on your timeline and your profile.
And it seems to me your ‘happy happy happiness’ is primarily just a proselytizing form of sausage wrapped in a saccharine pancake smothered in syrup.
Once again, who are you trying to convince?
Does your ‘faith’ require incessant posts requiring the great unwashed mass of the rest of us to “like, type ‘amen’, and share” if we too believe?
I’m actually not sure that I completely discount your sincerity, but it does tax credulity.
But you go Bro!
Keep posting your syrupy praises of God, Jesus, and whomever else gives you that happy,happy,happy.
Why the hell not?
Still a free country, eh?
Peace be unto you Kent.
Or perhaps that should have read,
‘Peace is onto you Kent.’
My friend are you hell bent on trying to make people think you are an arrogant inconsiderate individual that places one under a microscope to disrespect their character coming to a narrow minded hypothesis attempting to destroy or manipulate their actions in such a manner that will somehow give you the feeling of superior intelligence that has no effect or the ability to change the individuals status or manner in which his goal to share and maybe bring a little faith and joy to their likes and beliefs.
I am only trying to stand strong by my spiritual beliefs. Sharing with those that I feel are doing the same. God bless you Lance. Thank you for two things. Bringing attention to others that my self worth and my ability to share my faith with others is of most importance to me.
I want nothing and I give God my Heavenly Father all the Praise and glory. For with out him I nor anyone or anything could be possible or exist. You should get what I have been blessed with.
Yes, you can be happy, happy,happy. Go for it it is a free Country. I truly believe you would have a different perspective on life in general and you can have topics that have a more sense of purpose. You are close what I think of my self is as important to me as what other think also.
I really appreciate your concern. At least you know the content of the majority of my post. This is my purpose to share with and post to my friends that enjoy and appreciate what I have to share. This is Facebook just as you shared your opinion you opened the door where I can share mine.
I hope you are not offended. This is not my intention and it will never be. God bless you Lance thank you for this humbling experience. Remember always give God all the praise and glory. Bless you once again.
Your response is in serious need of an edit. Allow me to distill it down to the salient points:
Lance is a pompous ass
Lance believes (i.e., Lance has ‘Faith’—joke there for ya Kent) that he is the smartest person in the room.
Kent is trying desperately to hang onto his faith by shit-posting endless memes over-expressing same, even though he freely admits that his intended audience already ‘believe’—preaching to the choir, as it were.
Lance needs to ‘find’ God in order to be happy and have a sense of purpose.
Lance needs to give an imaginary friend all the credit for everything Lance ever does. (I assume this includes both good and bad??)
Lance needs to be blessed, and often, and by someone who knows how.
That about cover it?
Lest I forget
I wrote these for you
Added a photo too
Make someone’s day!
*Death Poetry Day*
A post was once written
No one was smitten
I’d call that fittin’
Shit it was named
Its one claim to fame
Now that’s a damn shame
He once wrote a post
Lesser than most
Shit it was called
Comments were stalled
The content was trite
Just didn’t seem right
To waste all my time
Nor even a lime
To drop in my rum
Ho Hum! Ho Hum!Ho Hum!
(The lack of the lime was the least egregious of the sins)
A Cunt of a Man called Osteen
Built a Church so very Pristine
But he refused to let in
Those flooded in sin
“Fuck ‘em! They’re way too Unclean.”
“I know y’all love me. You need to get on social media. But First give Harvey-The–Hurricane the ol’ heave-ho! God Blesses you, but I don’t. Move along. We’re closed.” –Joel Osteen
“Oh My God, they Killed them all!”
Here comes the story of the Hurricane.
Bob Dylan et al
“WoW! Who would’ve ever thought they’d find me doing God’s work?” –Lance
“Lil Kim’s got the hydrogen bomb” His news bitch announced in singsong “He’ll mount it one day “And launch it your way “Then smartly fuck off to Hong Kong” “So rong!”
There once was a boy name of Kim Who decided to act on a whim He launched a big bomb In the direction of Guam And that was the ending of him!
In a Loon we call Kim Jong-Un The World sees a silly buffoon But he put up his Dukes Oh Fuck me; They’re Nukes! And The World is now singing new tunes! (So soon?)
‘A Celestial North Korea’
Credit: Christopher Hitchens
A full week has passed
Since Jon GOT that ass
Even Dany GOT pleased
By Crow’s bended knees
And now we must fast for Season The Last
(And That’s The GOTcha)
Bonus Content Below:
The Most Lovely and Captivating and Charmingly Endearing Emilia
The Iron Throne – Game of Thrones’ AWFUL final episode
Vid Content Cred:Critical Drinker
If’n Y’all Don’t catch my drift, my sense O’Humor…
For about five mins….seconds…. But if you actually ‘read’ me, you know I have the Red-Head disease. I love them. Sucker for them. All of them. I love insane women. I find them infinitely more fascinating than the sane ones. And I have never, ever, met a sane Red-Head.
They are ALL FUCKING NUTS.
They are like primordial asteroids bouncing around in outer space, banging into each other, creating planets.
And life. And life. And life.
Life and Lies, and women.
All goes together.
Peas and carrots.
Trust me. I know.
This is why I love them so.
I love carrots because the are red.
I cannot watch this vid anymore. It makes me sad.
I don’t enjoy being sad. I strive to try to fill my life with ‘happy.’
Happy fucking makes me happy.
I’ve made up My Time
I’m losing My Mind
I’m going away.
Call me ‘Ash-Tray!‘
Gone Far Astray
I mean call ME “Asshole”
Or Call me ‘Ismael’
Uh… On Second Thought,
Please Don’tCall me ‘Ismael’
Just Call me!
Call me ‘Lancelot-Link, Secret Chimp.’
I’ll answer to that.
I am so much in pain
I Cannot Refrain
My writing Process What’s Yours? Better? I sure do hope so. Mine don’t serve me well.
Fun Fact: My Shipmate on the USS Frederick LST 1184 was a wanna-be banjo player and blue-grass dude. He tole me of a time he met Emmylou at a festival. She talked to him for thirty minutes! He Said she was so nice to him and encouraged him to pursue his dream
Asshole Didn’t even know who the fuck he had been talkin’ to… until years later
As I said:
It’s all right. It’s Mid-Night and I gots a half-gallon o’ gin!
I’ll be FINE OR ‘FINED’.
yUK yUK yUK!
I Fukken Love You!
Specifically: Southern Religion
More specifically: Texan Religion.
I am talking Methodists, Baptists, Church of Chist(ers)—the Entire Gamut of The Faithful.
I love all of Y’all.
No secret: “Lance is an Atheist.”
(This is well-documented.)
However, I do love AND RESPECT
All Folks of Faith.
I just do not roll that way.
But I love the music.
And I love the morality
(I have that too— ‘morality’—I do not need Religion to have that)
I love the culture of Faith.
I never mean to demean anyone of Faith.
My fervent wish is to never offend.
I have too much respect for Folks of Faith.
Too much respect For Fellow Texans,
most of whom are Religious.
(I was going somewhere with this post)
Probably to Hell.
I have read ‘The Iliad’
And ‘The Odyssey’
And All The Norsemen—Thor–in particular.
I have read ‘Beowulf’
And The ‘King James Bible.’
Read it Cover-to-Cover–Most Christians cannot make that statement in ‘Good Faith’–Yet I can, because it’s the truth.
All Great Mythology.
All Magnificent Literature.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but I know what I’m talking about.
(“One of these days I’ll look back and I’ll say I left in time.”)
We are, all of us, solely responsible for our own happiness, or un-happiness, It is all on us-
No-body else is responsible
“There’s a “Hallelujah!” on the lips of every dying man”