Y’all Wanna Know The Worst Tactile Sensation Ever? Of Course You Do.

Dirty Toilet Jokes: I Cussed My Toilet Out. Then I Felt Remorse. Apologized. I Dialed 911. When the EMT’s Arrived, They Were NOT Amused.

The Toilet Song by The Wiggles

Animation by Super Simple Songs

Shitter.png

Of course you do.

It is when you go to flush the toilet and that handle snarls back at you, rather limp-wrist’d, as if to say,

“Not tonight Asshole. Go back to sleep.”

(Now, in some truth, I could probably improve this post. For example: I should not have referenced ‘limp wrists”. In truth, y’all know how it is when you go to flush that toilet and there just ain’t no resistance. “Limp Wrists’ was just about all I could manage at the time of publishing…. (Isn’t that funny? Like I am a fucking news paper?) Dead-lines!

Some one shoot me!

(Make it quick! Head Shot! Right thru the mouth–or better…the mouse.)

God and some foll’ers will thank  you.

Foretelling  ‘Foreboding’ (See? I tend to edit as as I go… My father once tole me, “Lance! Enuff! Enough! It takes an editor to be smart; that is why we make more monies.”) some deep sea-toilet trolling (trolling?)  diving to fix.

Yeah…

Really?

Don’t think so.

Maybe tomorrow…

(There are three (other) toilets in this ‘Mouse-House’)

“So, fuck off.”

(My toilet did not reply)

Yes,  I talk to my toilet… don’t we all?

“Take your hand off that mouse Mister! Don’t make me come over there.”

“Yessir! Please don’t shoot me; I’m just the piano-player.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me. What do you think, Jim?”

“Yeah. Bullshit. Shoot him.”

“OK.”

Bang! Bang!

“He gone.”

(Sorry, Si Robertson; some of this … this is probably out-of-context)

Then again…

Maybe not.

We will not even begin to speak about your brother.

Damnit! I miss Christopher Hitchens!

 

Even more embarrassing

Been There….

Did That

At least More Than Thrice

But Who’s Countin’

Right?

You know the toilet is broke dick dog.

Yet…

You still try to ‘visit.’

And it takes three tries to get into the door.

(Yet, it is a really small door–just sayin’– and not so easily navigated, drunk nor sober)

Only to be so disappointed (yet again) over the the whole toilet experience.

OK.

Fine!

Resist?

Naw!

Below, please discover Lenny’s take on toilet-training.

(and of course: entertaining, or reasonable facsimile)

“Take This Toilet And Boil It.”

(Watch/Listen Below. Otherwise it all just falls apart)

Just like my fucking toilet.

“Dirty Word Problem”

: : :

Obscenity Bonus:

“Obscenity is a Human Manifestation”

–Lenny

The Greatest Bull-Shit Story Ever Sold

When I was a wee chile, tryin’ to survive in Fremont CA, Mother dragged me to theater, to screen “The Greatest Story Ever Told.”

I was NOT properly impressed.

Fuck u Mom. She called herself a “Christian” But In Reality, She was an atheist. Precisely why I Loved my mother, I was an atheist, since I was first born, or hatched, Your choice.

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

Click at your own risk.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Continue reading

Make It Stop! Make it Stop! MAKE IT STOP!! Jesus Christ On-a-Cracker! Please Make It Stop! “This is a Rant. Please Do NOT Read. It is Only For me: Venting. Spewing. Pontificating. Bitching, Moaning, & Complaining.” (But On-The-Record)

Stop saying stupid things…

“Take a Listen.

Jordan Peterson

Far More Eloquent Than I:

Cred For Vid Share: Living your Dreams

**********

*****

The Truth Why Stupid People Think They’re Smart:

Cred for Vid Share: Thoughty2

****

“Take a listen.”

Whaaaat???

Fuck does that mean???

Broadcast news always says, “Take a listen”

Take it where?

Put it where?

In my pocket??

How ’bout this:

I will ‘take’ this ‘listen’, put it in my pocket. Then I will pull it out of my pocket and shove it straight up your ass. Now YOU take it!

How’s that?

How’s it Feel?

How’d That Work Out for Ya?

IDIOTS!

Economy of language!

Now I’ll be the first to admit, I am more verbose than the average mo’fo’ you may encounter, but, but… I at least try to be original.

When did we get so stupid???

“Stupid People”

Cred: George

How about this:

“Here is a video report. Listen to it. Watch it.

If you want

Or Not.”

****

Cred for Vid: AwakenWithJP

****

Can we stop saying ‘take a listen’?

By Valerie StraussJanuary 24, 2016

If you listen to the news — pretty much any channel — it is likely that it won’t take more than a few minutes for you to hear someone say “take a listen” and then go to some video. I know it’s hardly one of the world’s big (or even little) problems, and it’s hardly a new one, but I cringe when I hear it. I’m not the only one.

The authors of the great Grammarphobia blog have been on this since 2008, and following is the post they wrote then, and updated on Saturday, Jan. 23 (which I am republishing with permission). They are Patricia T. O’Conner and Stewart Kellerman, who between them have written five books about the English language and have more than half a century of experience as writers and editors.

They include “Woe Is I: The Grammarphobe’s Guide to Better English in Plain English” (O’Conner), “Origins of the Specious: Myths and Misconceptions of the English Language” (O’Connor and Kellerman), and “You Send Me: Getting It Right When You Write Online” (O’Connor and Kellerman).

O’Conner spent 15 years at the New York Times mostly editing at the Book Review but also writing articles and book reviews. She also wrote The Times’s weekly columns on new video releases and paperback books. Kellerman, a foreign correspondent at United Press International, took over that column at the Times, where he worked as an editor, wrote articles on literary subjects and reviewed books.

From the Grammarphobia blog:Q: On CNN, all the anchors use the expression “take a listen” instead of just “listen” or “listen to this.”

Does that sound as caustic to you as it does to me?A: We don’t know about caustic, but it certainly sounds puffed up, condescending, and lame. We could go on, but let us quote from the entry for this “infantile phrase” in The Dimwit’s Dictionary (2d ed.), by Robert Hartwell Fiske:“As inane as it is insulting, have (take) a listen obviously says nothing that listen alone does not. Journalists and media personalities who use this offensive phrase ought to be silenced; businesspeople, dismissed; public officials, pilloried.”Unfortunately, this horse is out of the barn. We just googled “take a listen” and got 725,000 hits.

The expression hasn’t made it yet into modern dictionaries, but The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language (5th ed.) and Cambridge Dictionaries Online include examples of somewhat similar usages.Here’s the American Heritage example: “Would you like to give the CD a listen before buying it?”And this is the example from Cambridge Dictionaries:

“Have a listen to this!”The word “listen,” by the way, has been used as a noun for centuries in expressions like “to be on the listen” or “to have a proper listen.”In fact, the earliest citation in the Oxford English Dictionary for “listen” as a noun dates from the 1300s. In an apparent reference to becoming deaf or hard of hearing, the writer wonders if someone “has losed the lysten.”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2016/01/24/can-we-stop-saying-take-a-listen/

Yer Gonna Cry–Over All The Reasons Why. Don’t Bother: It’s A Calculated Re-Run Just For Fun.

This Post, Makes Absolutely No Sense.

What-So-Ever..

Ahem!

Amen!

Makes Me Laugh,, “DEAD GUPPY”

‘Tis A Great Metaphor/Commentary For My Life

(Or Maybe One Of My ex-Wifes)

I wish I Could Proper Edit this Bitch.

But I Can’t.

Thank u Word-Press!

The Reasons Why Guppies Die?

Stupid Humans

That’s Why

Don't Bother

As MOST of you know, I used to own a “Pet Shoppe.”

Well, Actually, it was just a

Tropical Fish Store

In Nacogdoches, Texas.

My Mind Has Left The Building

Tropical Fish is all we sold. (and a few-odd Crustaceans–just for fun)

This Monty Python bit cracks me up.

Customer walks into my store.

“My guppy died.”

 (I had a three-day guarantee on any fish I sold–it was a gimmick, but I honored it.)

“Madame did you put the chlorine removal drops into your ‘guppy-tank?”

“The whaaa? ” she said.

*Heavy sigh* from me

“Ok. I will give you a new guppy and some free chlorine removal drops. Use them this time.”

I think she then told me to go fuck myself and said something about going to Ben Franklin’s up the street.

Benny Franklin sold guppies back in them days.

(And apparently their guppies were made of sterner stuff. )

And hopefully Benny Frank would throw in some Chlorine Removal Drops—but this Broad was probably too stupid to understand how to use them—the process and procedure was beyond her capacity of understanding.

“Bon voyage,” I said to her back as she departed my life (Hopefully Forever.)

Added Value:

“All the Reasons Why”

Not really related, but I like it.

Not certain why.

But I drop it in–just like a chlorine-removal drop.

If you contort your mind just a little, it works.

Highway One-Oh-One

Just For Fun!

****

PS

I Managed to Steal An Auto-Graph on My Cowboy Hat–

From Paulette!

True

Story!

I am so sick of Lance! He is Beginning To Bore Me. Je Sweee Malad et Fatigue’d, Or… Pass The Biscuits & Ammunition. I Do Grow Weary of my Endeavors to Edit This: Screw It!–Allow It To Stand Alone As Original Writ

***

Twisted Sister –

We’re Not Gonna Fake it

Anymore 

***

, BUT nEVER CAN GET FUCKIN’ LAID! & FUCKIN’ FATIG yEAH!’D=odd dam (Dat’s French! Y’all! I am so fukkin’ sick of LANCE! sOMEONE SHOOT this FUCKER! rIGHT bETEEN THE FUK-in’ EYES! IN THE FUKKIN G EYEE!

so Pissed off at that God! You know the one! THAT ONE WHO NEVER EXISTED! HE SOLD ME A BILL GOODS! hIS ASS was writing writing was writing Checks He Was Never Gonna CASh!

What as ASS! hOLE! What’s It All About?

THIS HAS TURNED INTO A RANT! DO NOT READ IT! It is Insulting, Disrespectful,

And It WILL PISS YOU OFF! wILL sEVeREallLY PISS YOU ofF! I really wante to FUCKING BELIEVE! BUT I LEAR’ND TO READ! MY HUGE FUKKIN’ MONU-MENTAL FUCK-UP!!!!! Fuk this! My mental mind is BLOWN!!! AWAY! (i may be havin’ some “issues”)—insanity ones! And I cannot spel nor typy fer caca!

i should learn how to

MEND MY FUCKIN’ SPEECH A BIT!

naw!

FUK THAT! tHAT would BORE y’all! My Largess fukking FEAR is to become “borin’ & Dict-able!— Pre-Dict- Un-able! to wRITE THE true Shit Surfaces in my FUKKING BRAIN

 

 

What’s it all about?

I am Atheist,

Capital A

Have Been

Ever Since I 

Learned To Read

This will never change.

Everyone knows this.

I am Not

Militant About it!

But Some

“Hyper Christians Keep Trying to “Save” Me!

Save Me From What?

Yes, I have Theist Friends.

I live in a State Flush With Theists!

I RESPECT THEM!

They Need to RESPECT ME!

(Is This Not What They Are Supposed to DO?)

Faith

What’s it all about?
Alfie?

I really wanna know.

cRED! here:

Catherine Mamontova

569 subscribers

happy NoW Markie??? You supercilly-ous prima-donna,

wanna-be Donna

ASSHOLE! gO Fuck yerself! Use This With My Blessing! You’re Welcome! Don’t EVEN MENTION IT!

i Can AdMit When I’m WroNg. evEn When I Don’t KnOw WHen I’ve BeEn wRonG

OH! Here is THE FUCKING LINK!

(tHAT Satisfy, sate you? Mark? Asshole)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48oLsDImC5A

BITCH!

FAKE BITCH!

HITCH PUTS IT BEST!

If You Be Not Afraid & Not Scared!

And Have a Fukkin’ Brain,

Watch THIS!

GODDAMN IT!!!

WORDPRESS!

THE TOTAL TONNAGE

OF

YOUR STUPIDITY

COULD / AND WOULD

SINK

THE

MIGHTY

FUCKING

BISMARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll get to the MOTHER-FUCKIN’ Credits LATER!

i AM IN pissed off mode RIGHT NOW

AND i HAVE

ZORO

000000

ZRRO ZORRO

NO

Fucks

Worth

Givin’ a single fuck

ABOUT!

AND Y’ALL KNOW I DO

NOT

LOVE ME

WHEN

I FIND ME

HERE!

GODDAMN YOU GOd!

DO SOMETHING!

INSTALL

UPLOAD

DOWNLOAD

A NEW

FUKCIN’

ALGORY-RHYTM!

I’M TIRED OF YOUR

SAME OLD

FUKKIN’

SONG

SO WRONG!

SO FUCKIN’

LONG

HAVE A

CHAT

WITH

YER

BRAT!

WHAT WAS

HIS

FUCKIN’ NAME A=GIN?

hEY-ZEUS?

FUCK YOU GOD

GET

OUTTA MY HEAD!

YOU ARE NOT

WELCOME

FUCKIN’

HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Game of Moans” I Love Movies. Good Movies. I Even Love Bad Movies. The Horrible Ones Provide Fodder…

I hate ‘Wokeness’ and What Hollywood has done to my favorite art-form.

All this bullshit below is most eloquently verbalized by

The Critical Drinker.

This Scotsman is a fuckin’ genius.

And I am still just humble enough to recognize and acknowledge genius when it manifests.

I wish Lance could do better.

But, alas, he cannot.

So, therefore…

I share my favorite movie/life critic.

I LOVE This Asshole!

Must Watch!

He NAILS It All ‘Y’all!

Game of Moans

Must! Must! Must! Watch!

(If You’re A GOT Fan That Is)

It’s not ALL BAD!

Must Fucking Watch!