God’s Wisdom

(Apologies to Ogden Nash)

God in His wisdom let people die
God in His wisdom made them all fry

The People, they cried
Why Dear God Why?

God in His wisdom
All part of my Plan
Don’t ask me again
I am that I am

God in His wisdom
Boo Hoo and Boo Hoo

The People they cried,
Dear God, Oh Dear God,
Even We True?

God in His wisdom, Yes
Even you
God in His wisdom made sure we all knew

That God with His wisdom,
Is an Asshole
Tried and True Blue

And Jesus wept
Boo… Hoo!

Zen and the Art of Commentary Maintenance

Likes and Loves and Laughing Faces
Thumbs up Thumbs up
We’re off to the races!

A cheap thrill sensation
Brings joy and elation
With so much emoji
We’ll never be lonely

But cheap thrills ain’t lasting
Only forecasting
A sugary crash
Just a quick flash

It’s comments we want
No matter the font
Comments are golden
They fling the door open

Provide inspiration
Never inflation
True comments auspicious
And very propitious

Writers need feedback
Not smiley Prozac
If compelled to emoji
Don’t do that only

Take some small time
Drop a thin dime
Comment away
Make someone’s day

 

Donald Trump (Ahem)

The Greatest Reality Show On Earth

I just might vote TRUMP.

Why not?

(And what’s wrong with Big Hair anyhow?! Even I, your humble servant, used to have Big Hair–Then I learned to read.)

I mean, honestly, The Prez really don’t have power anymore, c’mon People!

Sampson hair notwithstanding. Don’t believe me? Ask Obama. Or…

Take a look at the Nineteen-Nineties. Clinton, try as he might, had no way to stifle the dot.com prosperity, precarious precipice that it was. (Not that he would have wanted to, but…hey! Outta his control)

Wally-World, et al, took that bull (my pun) by the horns and killed the messenger. (Oh! And the simple fact that the 1920’s had no intrinsic value, historically squeaking, that is.) And the other simple fact that all good deeds go punish’d. And the other simple fact that America, MY America always… well, never mind.

‘Nother case in point: LBJ.

He dreamed of the ‘Great Society’ almost made it, save for that little problem in Southeast Asia. (He coulda been a contender, instead of a bum)

(Brando Warning Here!)

Nuff said: We have now come to the era of “Not-So-Great-Presidents.”

They mean nothing, vis-à-vis, The World Order.

They have been reduced to fodder.

Fodder for CNN, Fox, SNL, and The ‘Honey Grove Senile Citizen’ (my hometown rag)

So…

Why not Trump? I mean, with no mean meaning, why not? He will entertain. He will give CNN, Fox, et al, something to pontificate over (“Never end a sentence with a preposition Lance”—sorry—my bad)

I love The Donald: he has made an uninteresting (for news junkies) year…

Funny.

And I do love funny.

Merry Christmas and see you at the voting booth (I will be that embarrassing uncle in the back with a scotch in his hand and a Marlboro in his lips—pontificating about ‘LBJ’, The Great Society, and wearing the Nixon-Now-More-Than-Ever…T-Shirt.

And saying, ad nausea: “I told you so…”

Shamelessly, I just finished re-reading “Grapes of Wrath” or… in other words: I am with Bernie Sanders on this Deal Folks.

And never forget this:

Or this, regarding ‘Third-Party-Politics” (for those of you astute in The American Political Prophesy):

And, Yes, Virginia: Trump is a “Ring-Tail-Tooter.”

Me no Alamo.

-Lancer

 

Y’all Wanna Know The Worst Tactile Sensation Ever?

Shitter.png

 

Of course you do.

It is when you go to flush the toilet and that handle snarls back at you, rather limp-wrist’d, as if to say,

“Not tonight Asshole. Go back to sleep.”

(Now, in some truth, I could probably improve this post. For example: I should not have referenced ‘limp wrists”. In truth, y’all know how it is when you go to flush that toilet and there just ain’t no resistance. “Limp Wrists’ was just about all I could manage at the time of publishing…. (Isn’t that funny? Like I am a fucking news paper?) Dead-lines!

Some one shoot me!

(Make it quake! Head Shot! Right thru the mouth–or better…the mouse.)

God and some foll’ers will thank  you.

Foretelling  ‘Foreboding’ (See? I tend to edit as as I go… My father once tole me, “Lance! Enuff! Enough! It takes an editor to be smart; that is why we make more monies.”) some deep sea-toilet trolling (trolling?)  diving to fix.

Yeah…

Really?

Don’t think so.

Maybe tomorrow…

(There are three (other) toilets in this ‘Mouse-House’)

“So, fuck off.”

(My toilet did not reply)

Yes,  I talk to my toilet… don’t we all?

“Take your hand off that mouse Mister! Don’t make me come over there.”

“Yessir! Please don’t shoot me; I’m just the piano-player.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me. What do you think, Jim?”

“Yeah. Bullshit. Shoot him.”

“OK.”

Bang! Bang!

“He gone.”

(Sorry, Si Robertson; some of this … this is probably out-of-context)

Then again…

Maybe not.

We will not even begin to speak about your brother.

Damnit! I miss Christopher Hitchens!

 

Even more embarrassing:

You know the toilet is broke dick dog.

Yet…

You still try to ‘visit.’

And it takes three tries to get into the door.

(Yet, it is a really small door–just sayin’– and not so easily navigated, drunk nor sober)

Only to be so disappointed (yet again) over the the whole toilet experience.

OK.

Fine!

Resist?

Naw!

Below, please discover Lenny’s take on toilet-training.

(and of course: entertaining, or reasonable facsimile)

 

Ya Know… “I have not yet begun to defile myself.”

“Don’t jump and make trouble.”

 

https://texantales.com/2014/05/10/daily-lenny-people-dont-stay/

Awe Shit!

I was only funnin’.

 

I was a man once (SEALs)

As Peanut once said, “Much Man!”

Well, he, Peanut, said a lot.

“A tale of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

FaceBook’d

Recently… (A while back)

I killed my FB account. (This is a habit with me)

Yep

For reasons I’d rather not disclose, but numero one’oh is detailed below:

Anyway, I grew weary of reading about how much Jesus loves me, how I need to say ‘amen’ if I agree all the time. (They never tell ya what exactly to say when you do NOT agree), et cetera,  et al. So… I just say what I feel, which generally gets me into trouble.

So.. I said some evil things.

Have since apologized.

Been offered a promise of a promise back in Iraq (rhymes, don’t it?)

I will go there.

In’shall’allah

–Peace

(Lance)

The point of this post is thus:

I am back on FB; for whatever good that might mean. (or not mean)

-L

“Is one the moon, Dear Clown, tied to a string for me?”

(He tried, but he could not get it down)

And yes: I have been in – love with Joni Mitchell for neigh onto forty year here.

Oh! And I love Emmy Lou…  Too!

And.. Frank Zappa, and Tom Waits, and, Carly Simon, And Lenny Bruce, and… I suppose my love comes cheap.

Sorry ’bout that. So sorry Wilson.

I am sorry Wilson.

(Truly)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-zaO-hUYag

 

OKAY!

I have a serious bug-up-my-butt!

And…

I am only going to say this once (Thank Baby Hey-Zeus!)

The People Who Died On Nine – Eleven

Were NOT Heros!

THEY were VICTIMS!

That is ALL THEY Were!

Victims.

Now! 

Let us revenge  avenge them!

Ed. Note: Of course the first responders Were, nay ARE Heroes and shall always remain such. And as Mark pointed out so were those civilians inside the towers who gave their lives trying to help their fellows escape. When I refer to ‘victims’ I am referring to the ninety percent who were just doing what we all do everyday: We get up, go to work, come home, kiss the significant other, pet the dog or the cat or the goldfish, and then next day, rinse and repeat.  They were just innocent victims.

And I have been to war, and revenge is lame and not really strategic.

Nor magic.

It is just… death.

(You figger out my meaning)

I am done here.

Cheers!

Lanc’d

P.S. If anyone out there knows history of the Mid East….

I invite debate.

And I worked so hard… to get the “Stray Cat Shuffle” for y’all. And here it was, right here, all along:

And for some YouTube Reasons the above link don’t work: try the one below.

(Yeah! I am pissed at technol–Oh Gee!)

Try again.

Don’t give up,

And remember: if your computer is ‘broken’, re-boot. 

Solves ninety nine per-cent of problems…

These word ‘O’h  These words!

From an’ old computer geek.

(And no! I never envisioned that day, that day, whereby, I would even think, let alone, utter, those words. Guess I have come full circle.)

SHIT!

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-1co

 

 

 

Huh?

Are these two men the “stupidest” One and a Half-Men in America?

In The World?

In The Solar System?

In The Galaxy?

IN THE UNIVERSE?

I say…

YEAH. Fuck Yeah! (To paraphrase Phil, “Git dem genes outta da pool!”)

What say y’all?

(Disagree. I love it when y’all disagree)

But to me, Their brains and their arguments appear as if two marshmallows were colliding in mid-air.

“But The Bible says….”

Slavery Allowed:

However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way. (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT)

Oh Please!

And unlike ninety percent of the ‘Christians’ out there, I have actually read the Bibles–yep–both of them.

“Convert them or kill them.” 

–Phil Robertson (0:3:41 on the video)

Huh??

(Jeepers! I really cannot comment on the obvious here.)

“We’re not even ‘over there’ in the Middle East.” –Phil.

Huh??

Whaaattt???

Since when??

What??

“I read, uh, wrote a book once.” –Hannity

Really????

–Lanc’d

Hannity makes me ill:

Vid Credit: C0ct0pusPrime

Then there is Lenny on RACE:

And here is Dustin Hoffman being Lenny on Race:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOnkv76rNL4

Cheers Y’all!

 

Pap, Huk, Peanut, Delirium tremens, and Lance

I post a lot of shit. I post a lot of off the wall shit. If you have read my ‘By Way of Introduction’ page you will know this. But, OK,  most of you have not (read that). Therefore, I will be brief here (“More matter and less art,” Yeah yeah yeah…) More matter below:

And here is some ref: Peanut, stuff, more stuff, and even more stuff.

I stole this from Sam Clemens. I hope you like it a lot. (I do)

I don’t know how long I was asleep, but all of a sudden there was an awful scream and I was up. There was pap looking wild, and skipping around every which way and yelling about snakes. He said they was crawling up his legs; and then he would give a jump and scream, and say one had bit him on the cheek–but I couldn’t see no snakes. He started and run round and round the cabin, hollering “Take him off! take him off! he’s biting me on the neck!” I never see a man look so wild in the eyes. Pretty soon he was all fagged out, and fell down panting; then he rolled over and over wonderful fast, kicking things every which way, and striking and grabbing at the air with his hands, and screaming and saying there was devils a-hold of him. He wore out by and by, and laid still a while, moaning. Then he laid stiller, and didn’t make a sound. I could hear the owls and the wolves away off in the woods, and it seemed terrible still. He was laying over by the corner. By and by he raised up part way and listened, with his head to one side. He says, very low:

“Tramp–tramp–tramp; that’s the dead; tramp–tramp–tramp; they’re coming after me; but I won’t go. Oh, they’re here! don’t touch me –don’t! hands off–they’re cold; let go. Oh, let a poor devil alone!”

Then he went down on all fours and crawled off, begging them to let him alone, and he rolled himself up in his blanket and wallowed in under the old pine table, still a-begging; and then he went to crying. I could hear him through the blanket.

By and by he rolled out and jumped up on his feet looking wild, and he see me and went for me. He chased me round and round the place with a clasp-knife, calling me the Angel of Death, and saying he would kill me, and then I couldn’t come for him no more. I begged, and told him I was only Huck; but he laughed SUCH a screechy laugh, and roared and cussed, and kept on chasing me up. Once when I turned short and dodged under his arm he made a grab and got me by the jacket between my shoulders, and I thought I was gone; but I slid out of the jacket quick as lightning, and saved myself. Pretty soon he was all tired out, and dropped down with his back against the door, and said he would rest a minute and then kill me. He put his knife under him, and said he would sleep and get strong, and then he would see who was who.

So he dozed off pretty soon. By and by I got the old split-bottom chair and clumb up as easy as I could, not to make any noise, and got down the gun. I slipped the ramrod down it to make sure it was loaded, then I laid it across the turnip barrel, pointing towards pap, and set down behind it to wait for him to stir. And how slow and still the time did drag along.

Shoot at me you son of a bitch!

“Lately I been thinkin’, I just might quit drinkin’… now I don’t know, all in all…”

Today

Today (Sunday)

Is all about you (Y’all)

I generally spend a lot of time reading (and commenting) on the posts of my friends.

I have been  remiss of late in this.

I would apologize, but one of my favorite blogger-friends advised me that if I ‘apologize’ I may seem less than a man.

Therefore, I will not apologize. (not that I value advice from a twenty-three-year-old pundit, but that I am forced, now, to reevaluate… some things…) I will just remark that tomorrow (now today) I will visit all y’all’s sites and try to contribute…

Thanks,

Lancer

And of course, I have a ‘plug’.

HERE

And of course, don’t ever be a….

schumck

I just love it!

I do just love it.

faadcc57061e44ee9e100649ede330f6

I love it when I get four ‘likes’ in four seconds, for four posts, all from the same person,  which are each… at least..  posts of at least one thousand words long. (brevity ain’t my soul of wit)

I love this.

I wish. I wish… I wish… I wish I could read that fast.

Maybe that is why I failed in College? (I ‘mouthed’ my words… not really, but… )

Peace Y’all.

-Lance

 

Hamas, Gaza, IDF, Israel, Intifada, and U.S. (us) And why we should care (?)

Some of you may know of my history in the Mideast.  Most of you may not.  Some of you may know I get emotional about issues.

Some of you may not.

Some of you may give a shit.

Some of you may not.

No matter: I don’t have a dog in this fight: The current Fight between Hamas and the IDF (Israel)… Actually, I did, once upon a time, have a dog.  He died. But that was many moons ago.

And we did/didn’t call in the dogs back then: the ‘Fight Between the PLO and Israel’… “Let ’em duke it out!”

–Ronald Reagan, “et them all, et tu, Brutus?”

And about who could wrap some arms about Yasser Arafat?  No one. Not even Ronnie. Then he (Arafat) became ‘Rocky Balboa’ to some of rest of the world. Yes! Fast forward… but who among the thinking of us and the remembering of us, can ever forget

Munich in ’72?

Munich

And I was on the ‘good’ side.

I was for the ‘Home’ Team: Israel! Nineteen Sixty Seven! The shining moment of the IDF! Just like the Lord: ‘Fought for Six Days and Rested on the Seventh.”

“Didn’t them Jews kick the ever-lovin’ shit outta them A-Rabs?! Fought for Six Days…”

Biblical! (Yay God! and Madison Ave…)

Then I learned to read (and listen)

Point is:

I, as most of us (I hope) want the killing to STOP. It hit ‘Home’ today when I went to buy a beer. There were Palestinians in the road… In Memphis America! They were not happy. Unhappy Palestinians. Goddamn Right! They were unhappy! In Memphis!

I do not blame them. I am not happy either, but that said, Israel has some right to defend… don’t they? If you would like to argue, I welcome that, as I, more than some of you out there, have lived on both sides of that pond. And on both sides of that issue.

I have driven through Gaza. Too many times. I have seen the refugee camps. The poverty.

And I had intimate sex (is there any other kind?) with an Israeli Sabra, of Yemenite ‘distraction’ (i.e., she was Arab: Arab Jew) More than twice… Yet that sex did not prejudice me… (Well, maybe it did… just a little)

Putting sex aside, I know some politic, especially when it comes to Israel and Islam.

I have been on both sides.

Call me out, yet consider that I am foremost and always just a simple Texan.

So, be nice (or not)

Peace

The Greatest Story Ever Sold

(Most likely offensive to ‘People of Faith’–read at your own annoyance) 

****

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

The video is germane. Watch it.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Cast of Characters:

Mary, Mother Mary, Virgin Mary, Mother of All Inventions.

Woodstock_Mary

 

Joseph, Joe, Just Plain Joe, Cuckold, Erstwhile Surrogate Father of Jesus.

Woodstock_Joeseph

Ya gotta love Joe. Ya just gotta.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Jesus, aka Baby Hey Zeus, aka, Christmas… Pre-sents

Woodstock_Baby_Jesus

Not even gonna comment on this one, but, be my guest.

Woodstock_Saint_Peter

Saint Peter

 

 

 

Woodstock_Young_Jesus_Struggling_Musician

Jesus Playing with the Mothers of Immaculate Conception, circa 0014 AD

 

 

 

 

 

Jesus grew up; tried to make a living, Playing Gigs.

But then…

Father told him to hang a right at Albequerky: Go to Max Yasgur’s farm in Bethel; see the people they will love your act. (He said)

Jesus_Arrives_1

You Really Didn’t Believe That “Rode Into Town on an Ass” bit did you?

“Would Jesus wear a Rolex on his TV show? Fuck Yeah!”

No! Seriously,”

“Check it out”

Jesus_Arrives_2

“I’m There Dude!”

falwell

Brother Failwell

Then Dad said, “Go Preach Your Ass Off!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woodstock_Sermon_On_The_Mount
Sermon on The Mount 
(Chip off The Old Block)

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Jesus Said, “We’re there Dude! Just look at ‘em!”

 

Woodstock_Flock

Case Rested

 

Woodstock_Decided

Yay! Jesus!

 

 

 

 

 

 

“They’re eatin’ this shit up!
Hey! Judas! Come check this out!

Woodstock_Judas

Judas: Enema needing to Happen. “Nothing to see here; move along…”

 

Mary Mag! You too! (C’mere Baby!)”

“Sorry Dude. Busy. Get back to me, Yeah? Laters…BFF!”

“But Mary!? You carry… My Mom’s name! And now you tarry? Don’t make no sense!”

Woodstock_Mary_Mag2
“Ah shit!
Here come those Romanians Again! Don’t these people ever give up? Gotta go!”

Woodstock_The_Romans

I love the smell of burnt Jesus in the morning

“As God as My Wit-less-ness, I shall never be hungry again! (As long as I have these radishes)”

Last Supper

Last Toke, I mean Last Munchies

 

Woodstock_Last_Supper

Joe! Go Pick some Radishes. Jesus is hungry. And stop smokin’ that shit!

I did not put in The Crucifixion/Ressurection, (mainly because I don’t believe that shit and also because I could not find an example in the show) and also, mainly because at

Woodstock… drum roll please:

nobody had to die to save me.

It’s OK Jesus: I’m doin’ fine, but Thank You for askin’.

And Thank YOU to anyone who has travell’d this far with me.

Cheers,
Lance

P.S. “And don’t touch my bags if you please…mister customs man.

 

It is with no small bit of trepidation…

That I find myself reposting this one. But in light of the recent Supreme Court decision regarding, ‘Hobby Lobby’, I just cannot keep quiet. If my words offend, I apologize now for the offense. But I never apologize for my mores. Some things won’t change.

Cheers to all my friends and readers. I am nothing, if not sincere.

–Lance

***

di·lem·ma

 noun də-ˈle-mə also dī-

: a situation in which you have to make a difficult choice

horns-of-a-dilemma

If you stare at this long enough, the clouds start to move. Go ahead, try it. (You know you want to)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Facing the Horns of One.

I really want to quit posting for today and I really want to visit all my friend’s blogs and I really want to make some really witty and cool statements so that they will really love me…and yet… I cannot shut the fuck up.

Really.

Why?

Because I am really, well really…

Because I am really really vain.

And strange

Really strange

My friends may forgive me.

Those new here, will not.

(Not really)

But I always tell me, I say, “Hey! Me! You can make new friends out there!”

I say, “But I love the friends I have already made.”

“Fuck ’em! The other me says.”

I grow some balls and kick my ‘other me to the curb.”

Why? Because a friend lost, hurts me.

Honestly

(You thought I was gonna say ‘really’ didn’t ya?)

Especially, if it comes from my vanity and my stupid forgetful lazy neglect. That hurts the worst.

Deeply.

Because, that one… should be preventable.

Therefore I leave you with this
(Yes. I did have a point)

How many out there feel or felt upon one time, that you were just a “Doll Part?”

(Yeah, that sounds gay)

And NO Offense to any of my gay friends out there: it is just an expression. (I think–if it offends–let  me know)

(Really–now you just knew–I had to slip that last one in, under some covers)

Then…

Get over it.

Answer the question and move on.

*End of Rant*

Below is a visual aid:

Ed. Note: Lance is one stupid son of a bitch.

This video below is significant to many of my friends who have suffered domestic violence. In the dark recesses of my feeble fucking mind, I knew this, yet I put the video in anyway.

Why? Because I love Love (Courtney)

That is no excuse. I need some sensitivity training. I am going to leave the video in this post, but now for different reasons: People Need To Wake Up To The Fact that here in this country and all over the world, there are women being abused.

Right NOW. Something has to be done. To quote Christopher Hitchens:

“The quickest way to end poverty is to empower women. Empower woman. Give them control of their reproductive bodies. Give them education. Let them have jobs.”

That is a paraphrase. But you can Google it, or I will do it for you. Next time I edit this stupid, thoughtless, insensitive post.

New Ed. Note: As promised hours ago…

And here we go with….Lenny!

427px-Lenny_Bruce_arrest

And Yes! I am going to continue to post shit that is on my mind. Ad nauseam.

Because this is my blog.

I mean no offense, but if you ever get offended here, well, I did warn you. (didn’t I?)

Okay, maybe I did not, but I am goddamn certain from day one, I never promised a floral garden.

Now did I?

(Sometimes, often, I out-type my brain–sorry)

Moving on…I guess this is a rant. (searching for a way to categorize this post)

Don’t worry: I will make up a new one if I havta. (and you real bloggers out there know what the fuck I am talking about. Doncha?)

And Fuck Yeah!

I think Courtney Love is fucking brilliant.

Wanna sue me?

The line forms to the right.

And Hell Yeah! “I wanna be the girl with the most cake!”

Don’t we all?

I mean,

Really?

*End*

Out On Some Limb… Clinging to a Branch-True Texan Style

0413_DixieChicks_TMPost1.jpg

Here is Lance: ON the Record. (and on a rant; a long overdue rant)

I do not give two warm cups of spit, ‘Bout the politics of the Dixie Chicks. But I love them. They are all… Texas. And, after-all, Home-Grown. Hey! Texas! Git over it! Texas was built upon the backs of strong wimmens… Jes sayin’. Y’all know this (Texas!)

I love everything which pukes itself from Texas. Even them Dixie Chicks. I stood by them then. I stand by them now.

Watch the vid,  then tell me there ain’t no Texan Talent There.

Dare ya! (‘Tis a fight I will join–try me!). But, bring the big guns. I will  debate you up, if ya don’t. I have some ducks all rowed up. 

And y’all know… well, ya know, I am just joking (’bout the guns) This is a fight, I will only join in the vestiges of parlay… and discourse. (Seems I have grown a… well, I still have some fight in me, for certain ‘issues’–this being one.)

Cheers!

Lance (true lover of Texas Women) Lord knows I have known many (Biblical sense and otherwise, sidewise sense), and they all, to a woman, scared the ever-loving shit outta me.

That is their nature (and how they roll)

“Don’t Mess With Texas” (Women)

Trust me on this one Y’all.

End of Rant

And it all leads into my Shonnie story…

(And, I really, like, commas, comma)

I love Texas!

I really do.

tex flag

“Contrash” this with Lenny

Just saying…

Do Re Mi

Love my readers.

Surely

Certainly

Absolutely

But this post will throw Y’all into a ‘Tale’ Spin. And may just bring your loyalty into question… such as it may be. Didn’t ask for it, but do appreciate it–in whatever manifest.

Do Re Mi

Why? 

Because I am a Socialist

Dust bowl

Or Why Not?

Dunno…

Perhaps ’cause you don’t tread between the lines’.

(And for those of you who, who do, I do sincerely apologize) 

“Peace and Happiness”

Sincerely,

–Lance

Yeah! I am embracing….that!

***

This post made absolutely no SENSE!

(If you love me; you will humor me!)

Hahahahah!

P.S. I Served My Country

 

Embrace This

Just kids having fun

(and actually, this is related to the Wife of Biker-Bath)

Do not worry:

It will all make perfect sense next week, when I finish the tale.

Continue?

Sure. Why not?

Both Bits Stolen From ‘Nighthawks at The Diner’,

–T. Waits

Tom Waits for no man…

tomwaits290113w

Have Fun!

Cheers!

 

Comments

Being “fatigued”

I have re-read (not that much fatigued)

Some of my recent comments.

Discovered this:

“Comments are our life-blood”

Yup.

I live for comments.

I love comments (and comets)

There is no real point to this post.

Save this:

If you like/don’t like a post, leave a little something of yourself behind, by way of a comment.

Even if just to say, “Hey! This sucks!” or “Hey! This rocks!” or “Hey! Don’t quit your day job!”

Out now…

Here is my musing, put to music:

And a related post:

“Comment Me”

“And whoever said I did not embrace The Eighties Music?”

They lie!

 

Energy Crisis Revisit, Or if You Will: “Gas Lines Redux From the Seventies”

Took the LaBomba  (at the behest of my Brit Better Half) today to the Kroger’s Gas Station to fuel her up, and as usual, I was in a hurry.

Texans have become far too urbanized in my humble opinion. But I have spent so much time overseas in places where impatience is a virtue (France comes immediately to mind), that I have lost that “Lovin’ Feelin’”

This was a rather long queue.

I sallied up behind two vehicles, replete with two consumers of fossil fuel.

Thought I:

“This may take just five minutes.”

Au contraire!

The first finished in a timely fashion.

The second…

Well,

He was fueling a Prius. (Is that a car? A real car? Bullshit!)

Said consumer proceeded to ‘fuel’ his little gay car. (Certainly the tank held no more than twelve gallons). This took five minutes.

Then. Then! He proceeded to spend twelve or fourteen minutes, oh so carefully, draining yet another half cup of petrol into the gas tank.

So, I am thinking: “This ain’t ‘The Last Chance Texaco’, Asshole.”

Vid Credit: KOUJI328I

“Get on wid it and get the fuck outta my way!”

It took all the fiber of my being to refrain from getting out of my Gas Guzzler SUV and knock him right on his ass. Right before I asked him if he were an idiot or just plain stupid, or both (At this point there were no less than four vehicles behind us, waiting…)

But I just sat there, fuming (no pun)

You see? I really have mellowed and  matured. (Proud of me?)

Cheers,

Lancers

FeedBack:

Do you ever experience queue Rage?

Do morons piss you off?

Do I piss you off?

An Unlikely Horse to Win, Place, or Even Show Up

Sung to the theme song from ‘Mister Ed’

(Or, if you will: “A wink is as good as a nod to a blind horse.“)

****

“A like is a like of course of course

“And nobody hates a like of course

“Unless of course

“The like is from the Famous Mister Ed…

(Who is just a horse and not a real person)

“Go right to the source and ask the horse…

“Do you read before you enforce

 “That this is a post you’d endorse?

“He’s always on a steady course…

“Talk to Mister Ed.”

Readers!

Readers!

“My Kingdom! For Readers!”

This rant is certainly not directed at those of you who actually read my scribblings. It is directed at those few, those happy few who… Never mind: Y’all catch my drift, as I am certainly not the only one who experiences this.

Cheers To All My Good Friends.

 

 

Here Comes a Rant: Stand By For Heavy Rolls As The Ship Comes About

(Yup. I changed the Title. It’s My Blog After All,  Ain’t It?)

The Eighties SUCKED Music-Wise

(And Other-Wise)

Wow! What a Bold Statement!

“Yes, and I stand by it.”

Now… Y’all, fess up! The Eighties were devoid of decent music, save a few, (Damn few) exceptions.

Hey! We are talking ‘bout the decade of want here! The Decade of “We want shoes! Therefore we am!” Ya know what? Fuck The Eighties! I was still a young man during them yet, even I, even I… scratched my head and pondered The End of Western Civilization.

maddie

(But Damn! How I did love Madonna!)

I served my country during The Eighties.

I loved Reagan during The Eighties.

I grew prematurely old during the Eighties.

What the hell was there not to love?

About The Eighties?

Well…

For Starters,

The Eighties were not The Sixties, nor The Seventies.

The Eighties Had NO Moral Compass.

The Eighties had NO WAR to protest.

The Eighties had Nothing, save for ‘Michael Jackson’ and ‘Rambo’ and such jokes make not a decade to be proud of.

OK: Bet Yer Boots

There is more to come.

And Comments along the way: Encouraged

This Post Will Be Heavily slightly  Not Edited, but you will see all the edits (of which there will be none), as per my wont, and my promise in a  previous post. (Yeah: work in progress…)

Stay Tuned

Y’all

(Then again, I may probably won’t just delete this and move on)

So read fast; leisurely if you’re of a mind to…

And, if you have come this far:

I actually want  really desire this to be a ‘community post’. Now, what I mean by that is this: Throw in your comments/musings/rants/raves/loves/hates about The Eighties. I will mesh them into the post. (with credits to authors) This could be fun (if we allow it)

(And if y’all believe that shit, I have a bridge for sale–just kidding–I swear! I will fold any comments into the post)

Come on now! You know you have an opinion!

Cheers and Beers!

–Lancers

 

the eighties? what were we thinking????

Ah Shit! It is Now Officially ‘Throw Back Thursday’

Trust Me:

You do not wanna see this one.

Cheers!

di·lem·ma

 noun də-ˈle-mə also dī-

: a situation in which you have to make a difficult choice

horns-of-a-dilemma

If you stare at this long enough, the clouds start to move. Go ahead, try it. (You know you want to)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Facing the Horns of One.

I really want to quit posting for today and I really want to visit all my friend’s blogs and I really want to make some really witty and cool statements so that they will really love me…and yet… I cannot shut the fuck up.

Really.

Why?

Because I am really, well really…

Because I am really really vain.

And strange

Really strange

My friends may forgive me.

Those new here, will not.

(Not really)

But I always tell me, I say, “Hey! Me! You can make new friends out there!”

I say, “But I love the friends I have already made.”

“Fuck ’em! The other me says.”

I grow some balls and kick my ‘other me to the curb.”

Why? Because a friend lost, hurts me.

Honestly

(You thought I was gonna say ‘really’ didn’t ya?)

Especially, if it comes from my vanity and my stupid forgetful lazy neglect. That hurts the worst.

Deeply.

Because, that one… should be preventable.

Therefore I leave you with this
(Yes. I did have a point)

How many out there feel or felt upon one time, that you were just a “Doll Part?”

(Yeah, that sounds gay)

And NO Offense to any of my gay friends out there: it is just an expression. (I think–if it offends–let  me know)

(Really–now you just knew–I had to slip that last one in, under some covers)

Then…

Get over it.

Answer the question and move on.

*End of Rant*

Below is a visual aid:

Ed. Note: Lance is one stupid son of a bitch.

This video below is significant to many of my friends who have suffered domestic violence. In the dark recesses of my feeble fucking mind, I knew this, yet I put the video in anyway.

Why? Because I love Love (Courtney)

That is no excuse. I need some sensitivity training. I am going to leave the video in this post, but now for different reasons: People Need To Wake Up To The Fact that here in this country and all over the world, there are women being abused.

Right NOW. Something has to be done. To quote Christopher Hitchens:

“The quickest way to end poverty is to empower women. Empower woman. Give them control of their reproductive bodies. Give them education. Let them have jobs.”

That is a paraphrase. But you can Google it, or I will do it for you. Next time I edit this stupid, thoughtless, insensitive post.

New Ed. Note: As promised hours ago…

And here we go with….Lenny!

427px-Lenny_Bruce_arrest

And Yes! I am going to continue to post shit that is on my mind. Ad nausea!

Because this is my blog.

I mean no offense, but if you ever get offended here, well, I did warn you. (didn’t I?)

Okay, maybe I did not, but I am goddamn certain from day one, I never promised a floral garden.

Now did I?

(Sometimes, often, I out-type my brain–sorry)

Moving on…I guess this is a rant. (searching for a way to categorize this post)

Don’t worry: I will make up a new one if I havta. (and you real bloggers out there know what the fuck I am talking about. Doncha?)

And Fuck Yeah!

I think Courtney Love is fucking brilliant.

Wanna sue me?

The line forms to the right.

(Gotcha!)

And Hell Yeah! “I wanna be the girl with the most cake!”

Don’t we all?

I mean,

Really?

*End*

A Sincere Apology

To Anyone Who Was Offended By My Recent Post(s)

I am sorry. Truly.

“We are exorcising ‘Drama’ from this Blog” (and I took the offensive post out back and shot it right between the eyes and now I am gonna quit banging on about it and move on.)

Now that is a noble sentiment, but one which will probably not be realized.

Therefore I implore you to take some things with a golf-ball-size grain of salt. Nothing should be taken personal, yet saying this, I do take everything personal. That is MY wont; does not have to be yours.

So now, I apologize in advance for any future hurtful shit I may spew: it is not directed at you. (Unless, of course you are from Oklahoma. Just Kidding!  My Okie Brethren!)

Now I am gonna play some computer golf as I watch “The Players Tournament”
–Lance

“Apologizing — a very desperate habit — one that is rarely cured. Apology is only egotism wrong side out”

~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., The Professor at the Breakfast-Table

Okay, 

Let’s ‘adddemdumb this just a mite (yes, think I have already clarified my feelings for mites)

Point is, “ya pay yer money; ya take yer chances.”

Now, to the unknowing, that may smack of “Lance done took back his apology.”

Well Hell! Not at all.

But. But. BUT!

A Man, a MAN! Sez, “Shucks. I’m real sorry.” Then he walks out the door and goes away.

That’s all I am saying.

P.S. If anyone reads this I will give you a Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener and a box of chocolates!

(Documentation required. Individual results may vary; 
Banned by some states. Check your local laws)

 

 

Litigiousness

Okay

So now Jackson Browne’s lawyers are suing my lawyers.

Browne’s peeps claim I slandered him (calling him a ‘Miss-all of Y’all Oh-Gist’)

Gonna sue me?

Guess what? 

Ya can’t get blood out of a turnip and you can’t pick a lock with a wet hering. 

hering

Christ-on-a-cracker!

I cannot even spell ‘misogynist’.

Is the man nuts?

“As soon as I stop laughing, have your people call my people: we’ll do lunch. Then you may serve the papers.”

I weep for my country.
I really do.

I’m moving back to Managua.

(I could go unnoticed in such a place)

 

You’ve Got to Give a Little

To get a little.

Blogging philosophy:

“Visit. Comment. (sincerely comment) Read. Read. Read. And Then Read some more.”

Then the folks will come.

Works ever’ time.

And… it’s good for the soul.

The Divine Miss ‘M’

(We love her)

Thank You for your visit and for your time.

Fall Back Friday

Ummmm Kay… Kids…

Slumping Writer Here.

(not really slumping; just lazy)

Anyhow…

More original shit (manana)

That is a no-shitter and a premise.

But… back in my ‘Pup Daze’ I did post some good shit. (Well, I thought it was good shit)

Here is the list of a few of my favorite things:

Take a chance; have a glance. Find Romance: Drop a dime; Take the Time;  Buy some wine.

Shine. Shine on.

(it won’t cost you one dime… just send one dollar, postal money order…)

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-6y

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-6h

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-4R

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-37

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-Z

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-37

http://wp.me/p2Yfgl-25

 

And there is more.

But I won’t bore.

Cheers,

And thanks for watching.

-Lance Out.

 

Hey Joe!

Hey Joe!

Where ya goin’ with that gun in your hand?

Hey Joe!

Is it just me, but have we swerved into a New McCarthyism?

OK, let’s take a look:

  1. Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling is an idiot, and for all intents and purposes, a racist. I am pretty sure we can all agree on that.
  2. Adam Silver detailed Sterling’s punishment of a lifetime ban and $2.5 million fine — the “maximum amount” allowed per league guidelines
  3. I say ‘Bravo’! But we are talking about a man worth probably TWO BILLION. Does he care? Not one whit, in my humble opinion. He can afford to be a racist in America today.
  4. What about the careers ruined in the Nineteen Fifties by McCarthy, Nixon, and HUAC? These were working people. Actors? yes. Movie Directors? Yes. Writers? Yes. Famous people? Some, but most were… just actors, writers, directors and certainly not Billionaires.

Even today, people lose their jobs over an oft-hand racist remark. Is this justice? Does the punishment fit the crime? In some extreme cases, if chronic, yes it does.  But for a one-time remark, should they be ostracized? Should they be forced to wear the Scarlett ‘R”?

Nope.

Fuck nope.

Okay, for my purposes, this is enough.

When did we slip back into McCarthyism?

As far as I can glean, this was a personal phone call from an idiot to a… as CNN says, “Girlfriend and Mistress.”

Ok, the man is married. And he has a BFF who happens to be female.

Why should we care?

If one can point the ‘Racist’, the ‘Scarlett’, the ‘Communist’ finger at someone, thus dragging them through the muck, and down in to perdition, on an accusation, then what?

What, and who is next?

People who kick rats?

Or speak ill of rats?

In the privacy of their own homes (personal phone calls)

Fuck with rats?

Or even fuck rats?

Who-the-fuck-cares?

How did we get here?

This is political correctness run amok.

Jefferson would weep, and so would Thomas Paine.

There will never be another Jimi Hendrix

(and that, that, is a Goddamn Shame)

 

Who?

Who Will?

Who Will?

Who Will Get It?

“Not me! No not me! Not never; never certainly. Certainly not. Not me!”

“But… I must.”

So says one honorable…

Continue reading

The Greatest Story Ever Sold

The Greatest Story Ever Told (If told at Woodstock)

(And seriously Y’all, y’all need to watch the video First)

But before we go there enter:

This Post Will PISS some people Off (IF I am doing my job)

However I do NOT want to Piss Anyone Off (Not my job)

Ambiguous? Yeah!

So, therefore, and furthermore, and forevermore: I put below the ‘continue reading’ button.

And don’t shoot me: I just play piano here… on Tuesdays… and for milk money… for the kids.

Click at your own risk.

Cheers, Peace, Blessings, Love and Happiness & Joy (and I do mean all of that shit. Sincerely. Hey by the way, Anyone seen Joy? She was just here a minute ago…)

Continue reading

*BREAKING BAD NEWS!*

Exclusively Here on TT & Hiero-Glyph!

That means you won’t hear it anywhere else! (Because we made it up)

The Results are finally in from yesterday’s, recent,  last week’s election!

Okay was not last week; just seems that way.

Here are the tallies:

Jim Morrison: 20, 000

He is an Accident Going Somewhere to Happen: 20, 001

Walk of Shame: 20,010

The Kind and Good and the Ugly Moral Folks: 20,005

Puddles in My Beer: 0

Now, after some contentiousness, and some hanging chaffs, and some fourteen pissed off, and some sixteen or so pissed on, and some countless bored, and some dead armadillos, and some more hanging chaff, it was decided that the vote went unanimously to:

PUDDLES IN MY BEER!!

(And the crowd went nuts)

“But, but, but, how is that unanimous?” One pollster inquired.

“Because Son,” The State said, “Because theirs was the only un-contested, not so much molested, unambiguous result.”

“Oh.”

Now before we exposé the PUDDLES IN MY BEER platform (gangplank), we must survive the Inauguration Ball.

And here to help us along with that, May I present to Y’all, our most ardent (and redundant) supporters!

Willie And The William’s Boys!

Take it away Boys!

Thanks to Willie an’ Them For that Rather Upbeat Rendition of …what was it again? *taps Willie on the shoulder* “Uh Willie, ya fucked the lyric: it is “Puddles In My Beer”; not ‘bubbles’, get it right fer fuck sake… Goin’ to Austin…I mean DC. Aw shit. Never mind! Just get the damn song right, OK?”

And Thank You Both Hanks for that rather unifying ditty in honor of the forgotten, vanquished.

But now, to prove we are not all that…uh… sanctimonious.

We give some equal / air time to the losers, er, Honorable Opposition:

Take it away Jimmy!

But don’t take it too far or  too long. We are watching you. Loser!

“Uh… Thank you…uh what was your name again? Oh yeah, Jimmy.

Well, Hey! Let’s give a big round of applause for…uh Jimmy and his comedy!”

“Thank you Johnny!”

 

Tomorrow (Or Next Beer) we will tell you the plan forward.

Hang tight in the meantime.

We love our Country!

(don’t we?)

Didn’t we?

orig flag

 

Call-Ment Me

Good Morning and Good Friday

Now I realize hearing rock music this early in the morning is probably not everyone’s cup of tea/joe/gin/sloe gin/slow joe, or other.

However, I do have a small request and I have bastardized  appropriated  stolen this song to illustrate it.

Graphically and Acoustically.

I love all y’all’s comments. (But damnit! they ain’t enuff of ’em)

So… listen to the song (it will wake you up, not necessarily in a good way, but wake you it will. (Little ‘Yoda’ comin’ there at’cha) And please be sure to crank up the volume to get the ‘full benefit’.

And take a sec to comment (good or bad) on my stuff. Well, the stuff you choose to read anyhow, as feedback is the song of my soul. And it is good and it is good for you. That is, if you come here for ‘value’ anyway.

Yes: Take some time; drop a dime; make a rhyme; throw in a lime; give me some time (Friends! Romans! Texans! and ‘others’; Lend me your beers.)

Okay: That made absolutely no sense what-so-ever, but feel me?

Happy Good Friday to all my good friends

 

Comment Me!

Any… Anytime

 

Ever Have One-of-Those-Days?

I am  speaking to those writers out there.

Hmmmmm

That is not a propitious beginning for this post.

Well, allow me to retort:

One of those days when you have so much shit colliding in your head, atom-like, trying to reach escape velocity?

This is my day.

I have (check ’em) all these wanna-be posts colliding:

1. He is an accident going somewhere to happen (just about a recent trip to Kroger’s)

2. Puddles in my beer (don’t ask)

3. Jim Morrison (Seriously do not ask)

4. Walk of Shame (again… don’t go there)

5. The kind and good and great and moral folks I live about here in East Memph (ask about this one) I love it.

Your votes will be tallied.

Now get on with it.

(sorry I could not make it easy; caint do the ‘poll thang’ you will just be forced to ‘comment’.)

But Hey! how hard is that?

 

 

Hey! I’m Writing Here!

Hey! I’m writing here!

(Fleeting thoughts seem to fly away. Okay? That’s Okay, Right? Isn’t it?)

Credit: https://www.youtube.com/user/mattfosternow

It is easy

“Now Go fuck off and leave me alone. And while you are leavin’ me alone, make me some more coffee.”

“Please.”

“and thanks for the pepperoni.”

(Sorry.. vague Lenny Bruce reference)

I actually said this aloud to my much maligned invisible muse. Bless her heart.

The dog walked over to me an inquired, “Hey! Rance!” (he cannot pronounce my name. He is a dog after all) “Rance,” he said. “You OK Bubba?”

(Overheard by some fly on some wall in some other multi-verse.)

Probably it was just the wind.

***

‘Tax Day’ (they say) Means nada to me: means  Bupkis! (great Yiddish word: use it in a sentence today and then it is yours for all of maternity)

Why? “‘Cause I had no income last year. That’s why!”

Oy vey! Yep! Good thing ‘bout that there: No taxes.

Moving on to today’s post…

(Oh yeah: first order of business: “The Daily Lenny”)

Well, You May Find it here, whisked into a long post about a mechanic. Yes. You will have to work to find it. So Sorry.

Let us paws for a second.

(Goddamnit Lance! Enuff with the fucking puns!)

Take a breath.

“This is swerving dangerously close to being another rant.”

*sigh*

“Yes. I know.”

*Moving on…*

Now Where was I?

Oh Yeah!

Taxes!

Not really.

CNN?

Nope (but their ‘Breaking News’ is ‘bout to break my spirit and my capacity to love anyone)

Serious for one second. I weep for those family who lost family on That Plane.

*Whew! Now we got that sentiment out of the way…*

Still trying to Move On Dot Org…

(Just kidding—I do not even know where that is)

More Breaking Fucking News!

Some idiot on CNN just said, “Let us be Frank.” (and Tom, Dick, and Harry)

(not sure in reference to what—generally—I only half-listen, but that one caught some vacant, unused part of my ear)

*Still trying to move on and find a purpose for this purposeless post*

Y’all know what?

This is gonna be an “all-day” project.

There is just too much shit running about in my head.

I will get back you.

As they say:

To be continued…

Daily Lenny: Who’s a Fag?

Okay for all my Atheist Friends Out There….

JUST KIDDING!

OK: Take Two…

For ALL My Friends out there in radio land, (most especially this one. May he rest in peace…and beer…and whiskey…and dope…and Lynyrd Skynyrd) here is your daily Lenny entitled ‘Who’s a Fag?”

Say Fuck The Government

And I do sincerely appreciate all visits to my site, no matter what or who you are. Martians are especially welcomed.

More Lenny Below:

https://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

 

Point / Counter Point

(Because Debate is God. Oops! I mean ‘Good’)

“Never ever lose your sense of humor.”

–James Belushi in the Movie, “About Last Night.”

Argument:

(Wow! Neil looks really pissed off in this. Kinda like the Geico Caveman dude)

Rebuttal:

Caint We All Just Get the Fuck Along?

Caint We All Just

Get the Fuck Along?

“Must be a case of ‘The Mondays‘.”

Happy Monday Y’all. (ALL Y’all)

 

Spring Clinging

My Blog is no longer an aversion

Nor a version

of a virgin

Therefore, since I am leaving soon

(Insha’Allah.. Joke: probably get killed for that one–Y’all know who I am here and on which side I fall upon–Atheist) I am not for lack of a term: ‘an Evangelical Atheist’. I do not care what you believe or don’t believe. My only further statement is atheists can be moral and good people, just like theists. We can also be immoral and bad people, just like theists. And we can be some kind of combination of the two; just like theists.

Hopefully, that above statement loses me not any of my followers (save one: my mother), But if so this is Karma (and no! I am not Buddhist nor Hindi either), then I will adopt the philosophy of a great ‘blogger-man’ I admire, respect, follow, and really despise:

http://aopinionatedman.com/ (ed note: May, 31st: I am no longer a fan of the Lemmings. i.e., I do not follow OM no mas, mainly because even I, cannot be that charitable) And that is all I am gonna say ’bout that. If you want some more piercing eloquence of the subject, I happily direct you to ‘The shitstorm that is my life: (she is brilliance in a bottle:

http://theshitshowthatismylife.com/

We differ, but we are kindred in our discourse of difference. Opinionated Man says this, and I quote:

“My goal with this blog is to offend everyone in the world at least once with my words… so no one has a reason to have a heightened sense of themselves. We are all ignorant, we are all found wanting, we are all bad people sometimes.”

Now. This is not in my manifesto, but I do find me subscribing to it more and more, day by day. Not sure why, but I do think OM has a valid point here: He writes for HIM.

This, I understand. And this is my new path. (Now all I need do is find some more followers… to hit the trail with me 😉 )

But Imagine:

Try to

Therefore in the spirit of cleaning up hard disk drive space, I have nominated this post (the one on the next page–The ‘Hitch-Slap’ will remain as long as I have electricity and an internet connection) for permanent removal. (though I Love it daily..er…dearly..especially the video clip”

Drum Roll Please!

I  heretofore nominate this post…

To be… In the Hunger Games!

As tribute.

What say you?!

Read it and kiss it’s ass goodbye!

Credit: Moki John

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU8vs5ndzUv3ku6N2lm-ywA

“I’m just a simple sailor Son…

Credit: Lance (But you knew that)

Continue reading

A Cease and Desist Letter to the Easter Bunny

Happy Easter, Y’all.
Hop on over to Abby Has Issues!
You will laugh! I promise.

Abby Has Issues

Hello Hare,

Thank you for taking time out of your mall appearance today—I know it’s a big time of year for you—but this really can’t wait any longer.

easter-bunnypost

It has been brought to our collective attention as an overly politically correct society on a mission to banish all fun that your existence is causing some, shall we say, “issues” I would like to address.

First of all, let’s talk about this egg situation.

I realize it’s tradition for children to color and look for these Easter eggs — henceforth to be known as “Spring Spheres” or “Ornamental Orbs”— but unless we know that these are free range, organic eggs produced from chickens given nothing but a diet of gold-dusted non-GMO corn and poultry pedicures, I’m afraid this practice will have to be stopped. We simply can’t have that danger around.

While a great alternative might have been plastic eggs, there…

View original post 441 more words

It is (Still) Morning (Mourning?) in America!

“Oh shit!” ‘Sorry Ronnie Toopac… Nancy’Melania!

It is ‘SundayTuesday  Wednesday in Amerika!

“Let us watch ‘The Golf’ read my tweets!”

agusta

“Huge vivla la diff’ eh’?”

“Oh Me ah me! What ever do you mean?” (Said Nancy Melania)

“Ah shit Nancy! Melania! I mean it is morning in Amerka! Didn’t I say that?!”

“No, you are a Commie if you did!”

Nancy! Melania! I am soooo Sorry! I lost my place! Here was I, back in the Eighties! Working for law and land! Money, lust, and US!

I even enlisted! I served my Country! What did I get? Bupkis!” What did I get? Rich!

“Butt… We (Ronnie and I—don’t he look cute—riding that horsey? Honey?—Now…what were you saying? You middle class? Oh Yeah! Something  about entitlements?”)

“Uh! Ya know what? Nancy? Mel? Never mind. We got ours. And ya know what? We got that Commie Bastard!—That Gorbo-chov!  That Puttie… God Bless America!”

“But… where is the money?”

“for America?”

For us?

Where is our prosperity?

I thought we won the war?

Where? Where are the fruits?

They just evaporated.

Didn’t they?

“I made enuff money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast…”

–Jimmy Buffett

“Just say no,” “Make US Great”  was all she said, as she walked away.

(The conversation is ambiguous, waxes and wanes, for a reason: we are all to blame)

“You let ’em come home…” America.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

We all should be allowed to come home. After all: it is the only place that stays open–all night.

The US of US is the only place that stays open all night. For All. We sort em out, once they (manage) to get here.

The US of US is the only place that stays open all night. For All. We sort em out, once they (manage) to get here.

For All.

“Please Stand By”

Now, I know what a few of you (you happy few) may be thinking:

“Lance has run out of material to honestly write about.” (Since I seem of late to be posting only video and Lenny bits with a few rants thrown in for balance.)

And I can certainly understand how you might come to that conclusion.
Please allow me to assure you: nothing could be further from the truth.
Without putting too fine a point on it, I am in a transition. (Personally, not Blog-wise—I remain true to my Charter and the ambitions that prompted me to launch this Blog—so don’t get worried.

And I did reserve the right to follow ‘much more as becomes my wont, )

There is a wealth of old and new and in-between stuff on deck. And trying not to get cliché, I may be forced to pull the plug soon, but only for a little while until I land back on my feet.
So…

If you log on to me one day and see this:

Please Stand By
Please Stand By

 

You will know what happened.
Thank y’all for your support.
And by the way, Now I am going to spend the rest of my time this evening catching up with all y’all folks out there whom I enjoy following.
(And damnit! Tis a sad Day For Me here In Mudville, ‘cause Mighty Phil (Mickelson) has struck out. The good news is that there is a Texan leading ‘The Masters’ going into the final round tomorrow.
Rock On! Jordan Spieth!

(See? I can do white. With the best)

beside the point….

At some risk of pissing off the Civil Rights’ Folks I am leaving you with this Sam Cooke. And certainly not trying to co-op the Civil Rights’ Movement, but when words and songs and meaning from a movement cannot touch all the people, well then it is really not a ‘movement’ per se, is it?

And it is a really cool song: part of our American Heritage; not just for Black Folk.

But for all of us who need change.

Hope you enjoy the inspiration.

Cheers,

Lance

What a Piece of Work

Scrambling to post…

(Don’t worry: I really don’t mean a word of it)

Yet:

Here are two of my ‘Favourite’ Things.

(Okay: Three, or Four, or even more)

“I have of late, though wherefore I know not, lost all my mirth.”

Must See (related here) Oui, C’est la vie

I just threw this in to see if y’all were paying attention

This concludes today’s history lesson.

And yes: these will be on the test.

Cheers,

Lance

And of course there is this:

Your Humble Servant: Capt. Von Trapp, circa, 1975

Your Humble Servant: Capt. Von Trapp, circa, 1975

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And This:

If there is a greater actor than Derek Jacobi, I’d like to meet him / her.

Generally, I do not like to step on my dick

(Would love to, but he  has left the building)

However,

I will make an exception (in this case)

I love Blondie (Debbie Harry)

Yep

Do

Now… this post will knock my previous posts off your hit parade.

I know this

And I care not

(‘actuarily’ I do)

But who cares?

Watch the video, and take a trip back to the Eighties

Why not?

Call me:

lancemarcom781@hotmail.com

(I lied: it is GMail)

And… if you figg3r that out… Here’s to Texas!

P.S.

I Heart 🙂 Madonna too:

“Last night I dreamt of some bagels

Go Figure

 

 

 

More Breaking News Bad

The Malaysian Prime Minister, in a gut wrenching announcement this morning announced what we all feared: The Plane Ended its Flight Somewhere Over the Indian Ocean.

He went on to plead that the media respect the privacy of the grieving families.

What is CNN doing all day?

Showing over and over the video of the shattered families. One shot of a woman wailing, prostrate on the floor. Another shot of a woman being carried out on a stretcher. And on and on ad nauseam.

All I can say is What The Fuck CNN!?

Pretty sure Fox is doing the same, but I have not tuned into them.

Down In The Hole

I got this song stuck in my head.

Now, it will be stuck in yours.

Enjoy.

From the Great Mini-Series

The Wire

And Tom Waits for no Man.

And then there is this:

“Treme”

Just another bit Spike Lee…

When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts

Who I think is awesome. (wanna argue? I know Spike can be very polarizing)

Comment box below is open for business. Wail Away!

Yet, even given that, one, (all y’all) must admit: Spike is one helluva film maker

In The Texan, I Caint Make This Shit Up… Beep Beep Beep, Updated for 2017

Watch the vid.

Please

Nuff said

We love You Molly!

“If you could see me now….”

We need you now more than ever Molly.

You Texan Bitch!

“There’ a lot to like there”

Related: Kinky Friedman

Like or Have Not

Y’all know.

Y’all know, those of ya who ‘know’ me.

I live for your ‘likes’

I live for comments to continue whatever conversations…

But, of late, I have received some ‘instant likes’

From people I follow.

How does this happen?

I post something, and I get instant ‘like’

This is bullshit.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but, one should ponder:

I do not ‘like’ posts I have not read.

Please do not ‘like’ shit you have not read.

Just for the sake of ‘liking’

This does not impress me.

Complex Folks

We are all of us, complicated, yet worthy people.

We have our own foibles, our own agendas.

We are worthy.

Honestly, I am fresh out (of agendas)

Yet here I am chastising you for having same.

Or none.

Worth is just a worthless word to me.

I know this now.

This post will self-destruct in ten minutes, as it is just a worthless rant.

And most sincerely, not worth a cup of spit.

Catch Y’all manana.

(That’s Spanish)

I think.

–Lance, Your Worthy Servant.

P.S. I think what my worthless diatribe was trying so eloquently to say… was that I love my fellow writer community. We all have worth. (Well except for that worthless schmuck who don’t like Lenny Bruce… and ya know I am even just kidding on that)

Kinda

Not Really

Never