Oldie, But Not-So-Goldie. “Under-Water Skiing” Self-Deprecation is the Easiest, Lowest, Form Of Humour (& Humility)

May 8, 2023 by LAMarcom

Yes. I Am A Stupid Idiot!

Water Tubing FAILS Compilation

Credit: All the Fails

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Ashnikko – STUPID Feat. Yung Baby Tate

Street Cred: Ashnikko – STUPID Feat. Yung Baby Tate

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This Bit is somewhat of a ‘Trailer’ for a rather longish post which I will be publishing presently soon maybe next week. Gentle Reader, I do hope it piques your interest.

During my sojourn in Lake Charles, Summer of ’77, Kim’s girlfriend introduced us to her sister’s beau.

His name was Tim Castille.

Tim was a great guy, with a mild and affable demeanor, and we all used to hang out together, which was surprising since Kim usually didn’t want to hang out (socially anyhow) with any “Non-Brothers,” i.e. not Kappa Alphas—whatever. Perhaps the reason Kim made an exception in Tim’s case was because Timothy was the owner of a shit-hot high-speed-rocket-on-water of a ski boat.

As you may imagine, Tim was a first-class water skier and he only used one ski—there is a word for that—oh yeah, “slalom.”

Since I was the only schmuck who didn’t know how to water ski, it was decided one day that it was high time for me to learn. Probably was “high-time” because we tacked into this windy epiphany while blowing dope.

Down to the river we went. After being briefly briefed on the basics of water skiing by Tim,

I found myself bobbing up and down in the Calcasieu River, two feet locked into a single ski, holding onto the end of a long rope behind about 300 horsepower of snorting, sputtering, idling, chomping-at-the-bit Evinrude outboard motor.

**(If you have Not read my Post, True Grit, Please Read It Now–Link May Be Discovered Below)**

True Grit

https://texantales.com/2022/09/28/true-grit/

you probably have figured out by now that anything I have to do with horses, whether one or two or three-hundred, is a bad idea)

Being fearless (and stoned) I decided this was exactly the right place for me to be and at exactly the right time.

The “crew” of the ski boat called to me asking if I was ready. I waved back with one hand, assuring them, that yes indeed, I was enthusiastically ready.

Tim lit her up and away we went.

Kinda.

I did everything as I had been instructed, but there was something not quite right. I could not seem to get up on the damn ski.

Being stubborn, I would not let go (even with the crew yelling at me to do just that) and as we motored along I was dragged underwater. Still stubborn (and no longer able to hear the shouts from the boat) I refused to give up.

Deeper and deeper I submerged under the river. Apparently Tim had faith that at some point I would pop up, cork-like, and ski like a pro and I sure as hell was not going to let go and lose face.

I did manage get my head to break the surface periodically, which allowed me enough air to continue in my new found folly.

After about five or so minutes of this, Tim gave up, probably because his Evinrude was beginning to overheat from the excessive drag produced by someone being pulled along completely underwater and not gracefully gliding along on the surface as God intended.

Now, one might think I would have given up on my water skiing career that day. Oh no! Not this cowboy.

We repeated this charade at least six more times during the course of the summer, all with the same results.

Everyone got such a grand kick out of watching me ski underwater that guests were invited along for the strange spectacle.

Apparently the consensus amongst the second and third time witnesses when speaking to the uninitiated was,

“Hey! You can’t make this shit up! Ya gotta come see for yourself.” One time there were no less than four other boats full of spectators, surrounding my watery stage.

It was, I imagined, similar to the whale watching excursions in places like Alaska and northern California.

“Thar She Blows!” Cameras clicked; beers were quaffed in my honor; people cheered. (I was told—difficult to hear the crowds whilst under water.) I had become somewhat of a local celebrity.

That was my Fifteen Minutes.

I have never put on skis since, but I would, given just-one-more-chance…

–Lance, the world’s first (and best) Underwater Water Skier.

Snuff In. Snuff Out. Snuffed On. Snuffed Off.

March 28, 2023 by LAMarcom

For the sake of Fact: Copenhagen is not Truly ‘Snuff” Real Snuff Goes Up-The-Nose. Copenhagen is more like Chewing Tobacco. See There? I am a Fountain of Useless Information. Yer Welcome.

Walt Garrison: My All-Time Favorite Dallas Cowboy:

A ‘Must Listen!’ Below.

X-Two!

Sums it all up!

(Thanks to You Chris LeDoux!)

Street Cred for Shared Vid: tjcrnj

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I dip snuff. (Copenhagen Regular Cut, for those snuff aficionados out there, who may have inquiring minds)

There! I admitted it!

Finally!

After so many years of being a self-tormented closet snuffer’er I have finally come out.

I feel better.

Whew! One less load to carry. One less axe to grind. One less ass to bare. One less woman who may have been considering me with a favorable eye…

Well, three out of four favorable results will get you into the Hall of Fame.

In Baseball.

‘Tis a habit I acquired whilst in BUD/s Class 140, circa 1986.

For some uninitiated: That stands for “Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL training” SEAL Boot-Camp, if you will: Class 140.

**Yup. I was almost a SEAL. Twice. But more on that in a later post. Maybe.**

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Continue reading →

I Should NOT Re-Post This, But Guess What? Post is a Little Wonky BeCuz… Fu*cK’d-UP WordPress! I DID try however!

October 17, 2022 by LAMarcom

Re-DAS-Boot “And Lenny (and Christopher) Lives (again) Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid (sic)” I did Manage to Add Some NEW Shit to this One Though WP was Kickin’ and Screamin’!

Below please find today’s bit:

(May be offensive to people of faith)

(If you are religious, you may have swerved into the wrong page.)

Even that statement is wrong. It presupposes that religious folk do not have a sense of humor, or that they are intolerant of not-religious folk. I know of only one religion which is totally intolerant and not open to sense of humor. I don’t need to name it, but we all know its name (Shhh…. Don’t tell. But it starts with an M and ends with an ‘um’. Yeah! You guessed it: “Methodist-um” )

(Now I know, I have been uncharacteristically silent on the ISIS CRISIS in specific and ‘Religion Poisons Ever’Thing’ in General. I am ‘back-building’, much like that volcano in Iceland. What you may experience here, today, is just a fissure, impotently spewing. ‘Fissuring’, if you will. Don’t worry: The Big Bang is coming folks and it ain’t gonna be nothin’ nice.)

Shhhhh…. don’t tell. Keep yer head, and yer wits, and yer tits, and yer clits about you.

So… Don’t speak. Bad for your health: ‘Speaking.’

Listen / Watch Here Below: And Christopher’s last line (in case you missed it)

“Stay cool.”

So ‘be cool’ and watch it, for it is timely, given our present present.

Video Credit:

therealtalkpolitics

The Lenny Bit (Religion Inc) Listen if You Please:

Oral Roberts

Pope John XXIII

More Lenny Here:

http://texantales.com/category/lenny-bruce/

Thanks For Listening

And just for fun:

And as a completely different aside: I got some very good advice from a very, well not very, not even a very good friend, let us just call her ‘an acquaintance’:

She chastised me.

Why?

Because I employ too many parentheses…. “Makes me hard to read.’ She said. ‘Madman,’ She said. Truth, she spoke.

Now that!

That!

That is good advice!

Thank you, Nameless Person.

Truth # 2

FREEDOM OF SPEECH! ADDED LOTS OF CHICKS Well, Actually Only Three Chicks. But See, Here At TT&H, We All ‘Bout Sobriety (Joke) Quality, Never Quantity.

October 3, 2022 by LAMarcom

That’s The Reality. Deal With It. Think ‘Espresso’ If You Must. And I Abhor Elsinore.

Even More Than Prince Hamlet Ever Could

Sir William Has Ruined Me! “I Have Of Late, Though Wherefore I Know Not, Lost All My Mirth”

But Even More: WP Sucks.

Need I Say More?

Y’all Will Havta Scroll Down To Find Dem

Dem

Lovely Chicks–

Ain’t Nothin’ For Free Here At TT&H

You Must

“Work The Problem”

And ‘The Problem’ is Call’d ‘Lance’

****

Lenny & Hitch & The Dixie Chicks!

(I adamantly Refuse to Drop “Dixie” From The Original Band Name)

And Here is yet one more kinda sad fact:

My B’lov’d Much-Missed Sister Madelyn, was the one who first ‘turned me on’ to Dem Chicks. (She Had seen them perform ‘Live’ in a Club in Dallas… Back-in-the-day… )

Maddy ‘Introduced’ me to all the ‘Good’

Things in My Life

G’Damn! I WILL Never Get Over Her!

Even if it Hare-Lips The Pope!

Pretty Certain I Stole That Line–Pope–From Lenny.

Sorry Lenny

My Mind? Here A Moment a-go-go…Screw it! I am re-Posting This Because I am Still Missing My Sister and Wallowing In My Self-Pity “My TRUE Forever Sister (Sorry Ann)”

Three Lovely Chicks
Only One Even Texas (Nat–Lubbock)
But Battin’ 330 in Baseball Will Get Y’all Into The Hall of Flame!

In Baseball

But this ain’t Baseball

Is it?

This Post is a Little Wonky BeCuz…

By They Way: I Love Love Nat’s Eye Mak-Up…

And Her

‘Attitude”

****

Guess What? Fu*cK’d-UP WordPress! I DID try! Re-DAS-Boot “And Lenny (and Christopher) Lives (again) Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid (sic)” I did Manage to Add Some NEW Shit to this One Though WP was

Kickin’ and Screaming’!

(Be Afraid–Be Very Afraid)

My Hero!

Below please find today’s bit:

(May be offensive to people of faith)

(If you are religious, you may have swerved into the wrong page.)

Even that statement is wrong. It presupposes that religious folk do not have a sense of humor, or that they are intolerant of not-religious folk.

I know of only one religion which is totally intolerant and not open to sense of humor. I don’t need to name it, but we all know its name (Shhh…. Don’t tell. But it starts with an M and ends with an ‘um’. Yeah! You guessed it: “Methodist-um” )

(Now I know, I have been uncharacteristically silent on the ISIS CRISIS in specific and ‘Religion Poisons Ever’Thing’ in General. I am ‘back-building’, much like that volcano in Iceland.

What you may experience here, today, is just a fissure, impotently spewing. ‘Fissuring’, if you will. Don’t worry: The Big Bang is coming folks and it ain’t gonna be nothin’ nice.)

Shhhhh…. don’t tell. Keep yer head, and yer wits, and yer tits, and yer clits about you.

So… Don’t speak. Bad for your health: ‘Speaking.’

Listen / Watch Here Below: And Christopher’s last line (in case you missed it)

“Stay cool.”

So ‘be cool’ and watch it, for it is timely, given our present present.

Video Credit:

therealtalkpolitics