Euphemisms, Clichés, ‘Nice-Polite-Speech,’ Trite Sayings, Bullshite! Fuck That!

I yam what I yam!

I use A LOT of Profanity

I’m a fucking sailor!

What else would you expect?

From a fuckin’ sailor

And saying “I’m sorry” for what I am ain’t in my repertoire, or bag of tricks.

Some shit that needs to be removed from the writing/speaking vernacular:

“At the end of the day…”

(I heard some asshole use this one three times on CNN during a ninety second interview. I wish I were making this up. I ain’t.)

“Think outside the box”

“As we speak”

“All that said”

I could go on, but pretty sure you caught my drift (another trite Cliché–sometimes, I will admit, they are ‘useful’


I have high hopes for us as writers.

To be more original.

I know we can do it!


I Am A Moron, Or “Clang Clang Bang! Went My Folly!” Or “Not Fit to Live With” Y’all Sort it out for me.

Here is what I ‘hear’ when I go back and ‘look’ at most of my old posts:

Or This:

WP is fucked UP!

This vid keeps ‘loading”

My apologies. Thousands of them.

Be patient.

The vid is worth this wait.


Fuck you WordPress.




I need a new life.

This one is approaching the expiry date.

And soon will not be fit to live with in.

Van Morrison – Starting A New Life 🐦

Vid Cred: Cool Coyote

Bonus Added Value:

Pandemic R Us: A Children’s Song

Content Creator Cred: The Brilliant Julie Nolke

(More Below)

Check Her Out HERE!


Not fit to live with

“My Mama Loved me, but she died”

Good Buy!

Dire Straits…

Don't Drown Lance.
At least one shall miss you.
And your bullshit

Money For Nothing

Vid Cred: mzq88

Vid Cred: Too many to sort out. This Vid is all-over-the place. Fuck it! I suppose I could credit ‘Kenny Rogers and The First Edition’ Yeah. At least I can do that. At the very least… I can do that. Suppose I just did. Yer Welcome Kenny. Only thing you ever did that was worth a fuck


Dire Straits…


This is painful.

Because I am a proud veteran and proud of my macho almost Navy SEAL times two service attempts

(At least I showed up—twice)


I come with hat in hand.

Anyone reads me with regularity knows I am an alcoholic.

Pretty much a ‘functioning one’


Money management is something I have always sucked at.

But I always maintained a backstop insurance policy.

A woman.

A rich woman.

A women I spent a great deal of my money and time when I worked in Iraq and Afghanistan, flying her all over the world to meet for for R&R’s… Barcelona, Rome, Dubai, London, on and on…

You know her name.

It starts with an R and ends with a…

Never mind.

I have spilt lots of ink on her already.

Point is, she has decided to cut me off in my last hour of need.

Refused  to HBO!

Help a Brother Out!

I will run out of booze and life within half a day.

You know what happens when that happens?

DT Man.

Then I die

Came close to that LAST TIME

I do not wish to go through that agin.

DT Man scares me more than any man

And, trust me, Gentle Reader:

I do not scare easy.

But he scares me.

He is hell-bent to kill me.

If you value me.

Or my work

And enjoy it.

Help me out

Call me


Email me

Help me.




I do hope Y’all Know This is all Tongue-Firmly-Planted-in-My-Cheek


Spare me a dime??

Would Someone, Anyone, Please Explain to Me Why This Post Was Such a Flop?? It is ALL ABOUT The Best Things in My/Your/American/Even World/Culture–I honestly Wanna Know! What is WRONG With This Post? WTF is Wrong With Me??


I put A Lot of Work–Thought–Work into the ‘construction’ of my posts.

I know it ain’t Fucking Sharkespeared… (I prefer hook, line, and sinker)

But, Dammit!

I visit a lot of fellow-blogger posts and I have come to realize that many of them just throw up some copy-pasta quote or an image, et voila!

Thirty-plus or more…


Yada yada yada.


Please do not get me wrong, nor misunderstand me.

I love our Community! This is well-documented:

I do what I can do to support fellow bloggers.

And it is rare that I ever ‘like’ a post without leaving a little of me behind, by way of a comment.

But that ain’t my point here.

My ‘point’ if I have one is

I want Y’all’s advice.

WTF am I doing wrong?

Do I need to ‘Advertise’ more??

I have spilled/lied a lot of ink, claiming not to give any fucks about ‘likes’ or ‘hits’—that I write for my own edification.

This, of course, is bullshit!

I do not wish to write in a vacuum.

Nor do I wish to die alone.

I WANT/NEED people to READ



What the hell am I doing this for??


The way I am looking at my life and my ‘work’ right now:

“They put in a nickel but they want a dollar song”


Street Cred for Vid: kherrick90

Credit: TOPPOP: Star sisters

“Any barmaid can be a star-made”


Hey Film Buffs!
This (Below) is Required Watching!

Right On!

Spot On!

Dead On!

Thank YOU! Critical Drinker Man!

You Nailed My Same Same Sentiment!

Oscar’s Delight

Visit Crit Drinker Here Below:

The Genesis of all this Bullshit:


And No!
I also did NOT watch ‘The Oscars’ on My Tee-Vee Either.

I had Something Better to Do!

Like Picking The Lint Outta My Belly-Button.

(Which Was More Gratifying & Satisfying)


Golden Age
Lost Now–Magic Has Gone
Never Get It Back
That Ship Has Sailed
Missing Somewhere Over That Recent Rainbow…

My father used to tell a great story about some university asshole who was trying to impress him:

Dude said,

“The reason Wizard of Oz was in Black and White at first was because in the beginning, 1939, they really did not have color film. Then when they got to filming the Oz scenes, they had color technology”

Daddy replied, “That is fascinating. I suppose when Dorothy got back to Kansas, they had lost that technology, as it went back to black and white.”

Come On!

Get Happy!!

For those who don’t know, Judy stole the ‘Sinatra Look’ (and his hat) Fun fact. Just my observation….

Goddamn! But she was sexy!

What a Dame!

Judy! Judy! Judy!


No Business Like Show Business….
Adding-dumb Dumb da Dumb

(I miss my Daddy; He loved Old Movies)




(Bring Your Own Dresses)

It’s Silly and Stupid

(But Rather Endearing) :


I love My Oh So Rich American Culture–I Ain’t Rich, but surely you know what I mean.

I love my excesses

Bring your own dresses


Am I gay?


No Way!

I don’t Play that way.

(I just Color outside the lines.)

Schmucks ‘R’ Us (Actually, Just Me) Never Y’all. NOT Casting Stones From MY Glass Porch. Oh Hell No! Not I, or… “Thank You Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin”


The Movie


“Lance, this is your life.”


Sly Stone

The Coolest Man


(And one of the Coolest Bands Ever!)

Boom laka-laka-laka, Boom laka-lak-goon-ka boom

Take me to that “Higher Plane of Existence”

Lance is a stellar wanna-be-over/under barrel achiever–kinda like a shotgun


But in reality, just a


(But at least I am ‘schmuckable’—and sometimes even lovable—but not very often)


I dream at night great posts.

Try to take mental notes.

Wake up.

They gone!

Great post is gone with the Wine and the Sunshine, and the Harsh Light of Day…

I have written some awesome shit in my sleep.

Lost it all.


“But tomorrow is another day”

Ain’t it?

Les’ hope so.


Added ‘Added Value’

I wanna grow up to be this guy

He ain’t no schmuck!

“So you wanna-be a fucking writer?

Good luck Schmuck!”

Vid Cred: Shea et al.

Right vs. Left—Left vs. Right—Spy vs. Spy: Who Am I?

“I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well.”

― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods

(Ed. Note: This Post has kinda Gone off the Rails & morph’d into an Annie Lennox bit)

Sorry. Not Sorry.

Scroll Down

In most things Politic, I list heavily to Starboard.
But at other times I list slightly to Port.

My Ship Never straddles

The ‘Safe’ Middle.

I am ‘Complicated.’ As are all ‘Thinking People.’

I am delirious with pain right now.

Ignore me.
Wish I had some of the ‘good’ drugs…

Ed. Note: I know I have promised BOTH of My Faithful Readers to write some longer, better, substantial Shit,
This Screwed-up neck of mine, along with the accompanying pain makes it almost unbearable to bend over this
‘IBM Selectric’ Typewriter

C’est Moi!

for more than a few minutes at a time.

Now, returning to the subject meat of this matter,

(“More Matter, Less Art.”–Thank you Gertrude)

Was there a ‘subject’ ??
Oh Yeah.
Right vs. Left
Spy vs. Spy
Yin vs. Yang
Peas vs. Carrots


My Adventure in trying to get published:



I forgot I had left a glass of wine in the ‘head’ (Navy parlance for ‘Bathroom’); now I have a platoon of Drunk Gnats

…to add to my list of shit I must deal with.

Cheers Y’all!

I just drop this in because this is MY Blog
And I like it.

(The Title…and the lyrics, are Slightly Germane and suit my narrative just fine)

And I find Annie extremely attractive

With or without makeup.

(Especially without her makeup!)

She’s a fucking Barbie Doll

Create your own fantasy; leave me to mine.

“This boat is sinking. Some things are better left unsaid…”

“You don’t know what I fear.”

Here’s a hint:

I fear me.

“I used to be Lunatic”

I got better…


No one will get this far, but I deposit it anyway:

Shared Street Cred Vid: ggarlick46


Bonus Super-Duper:

Thanks to Kevin Bacon & kingofkungfu2002 for the share