“It appears that it’s not a good time for a productive conversation. Since I shared all the steps to complete this and you refused to try them, I’ll close this chat and block you from live chat for the next 24 hours.“
Fuck U WordPress!
And Therefore Disrupting My State of Somnambulistic Glorious Oblivious Glee.
Just trying to catch a few Z’s here. Slamming Doors! Why??? What the fuck??? Why must you do this??? I live here in the Lion’s Den Apartments as quiet as a Church Mouse. I know how to open and close a fucking door without awakening the dead. Because I RESPECT my neighbors. And their right to peace and quiet. Apparently I am THE ONLY ONE who exhibits this level of RESPECT!
**** To my LOUD – ASS, Inconsiderate Neighbors: YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES!!!
Yes. I’ve done some incredibly stupid shit in my time.
Below is an actual-for-real email I sent to a soon-to-be former boss (an attractive lady-boss, of course.) and is sadly very close to the top of the Misfit Hit Paradeof lame-ass-actions I have perpetratedon innocents.
I have swerved into the solution for Drunken Emails.
Who could’ve known it would be this simple?
Street Cred for Vid: Big Play Films
From: Moron<firstname.lastname@example.org>cc bcc:
Yes, I am getting a tattoo (for my ‘mousing’ musing hand).
It will read simply, succinctly, in Big Bold Letters:
“No! Don’t Go There Lance!”
Brevity? Yes. (‘That soul of wit.’)
“Words have meaning Son,” my father often told me.
And short words, I have discovered, oft hold the most meaningful meaning.
It has been ‘awkward’ (to say the very least) to face you of late.
After my ‘email shot-gunning’ you, off-the-chain escapade of recent shameful regret, but… I did it and today found the courage to read all of what I did send and happily discovered, most were not of the obnoxious caliber of my historical wont.
Thank God and Baby Hey Zeus!
Alas, I wish I had an excuse.
Yet, in searching, there is one to be discovered, but so probably painfully evident that it requires no verbalization:
Two times per year, I get to ‘explore’ my darker side.
Two times per year, I choose a ‘lucky’ recipient to ‘share’ in my darkness.
Two times per year someone gets to be ‘it’.
You’re the New ‘IT’ Girl!
You’re in Good Company.
Clara Bow: The Original It Girl, 1927
The thing about writers (and those so-called writers who call themselves ‘writers’) is that they are so full of themselves, and vain by nature (it is requisite-with the breed), and every writer and so-called writer I have ever met, are… assholes. All.
Vain, pompous, drinks-too-much, full of sound and fury, and desperate.
“A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
I am not (not really) stupid.
I know you cannot ‘comment’ nor even acknowledge, via email, all the posts I posted ‘at you.’
I dare say you would be wise to ignore me and my ramblings, given our professional relationship.
Yet, if you did read even one of the posts on my blog, (actually I think you read the first one I begged you to read—not the ‘best’ one, but one which apparently was on my mind–at the time)
It is a very simple thing to comment, ‘in disguise’ as
Or simply, “A Fan.” (tongue in cheek)
Do that once and I will be sated.
Do it twice and you get a Mickey Mouse Pencil Sharpener,
An Autographed8X10 Hollywood-Type-Glossy Photograph of Jesus Christ.
Sermon-on-the-mount, highly recommended, and our best-seller
But you cannot have both; there is a limited supply.
Do it thrice: You should seek counsel.
“Writers are assholes.”
“Lance is a ‘writer’”
“Ergo, Lance is an asshole.”
There is a point to this post, but most assuredly, I have forgotten my initial inclination in that regard.
***‘Jeopardy musical theme plays***
Now I’ve got it!
This is my convoluted apology to you.
I am, and shall always remain, an Honorable Military Man.
I am cognizant of the duty (and the mission)
And, admitting I was wrong is something which seems to be easier (and more difficult—same time) to do lately.
My first wife once accused me of aspiring to be “King of the Idiots.”
(She was an idiot savant…well, you’d have to know her to get my meaning, yet, I think–know, that I have posted about her…ON-MY-BLOG)
Back to my point:
I am beginning to grow bored with my job.
You are the best supervisor/boss I have had in recent memory. All, and I do mean ALL respect you.
This should be enough for me (and for the foreseeable future it shall be)
I don’t like to shit where I eat, BUT (and this is a curse), I have a opinions and I need to get that tattoo—post haste—and with all due prejudice.
I like you Suki.
I respect you.
I am trying to help you professionally (in my way).
I am not trying to ‘do’ anything other than ‘talk’ to you and ‘work’ for you.
To quote Nixon:
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear…”
I am a whore, but only when it comes to my writing.
Nothing else these days (aside from my computer addiction) means anything to me.
I am not as bad as I may, at first glance, seem.
(Truth: I am worse, but I do not bring that to WORK)
(Yes: you may quote me. I’d be flattered…. Hahahahaaa)
Are you that fuckin’ Naive? (Yeah! I gots me SOME Fuck’ng “Anger Issues” Right About now! Don’t Even Ask Me How—Trust me! Y’all doan wanna know!) I’ll probably return to some semblace place of “Normal” once I sleep it off. But I hope NOT! Oh God! I Hope NOT! I am ‘lovin’ My inner-bitch self! I love HIM. Even If no one else Can-can!
I have four ex-wives for ref, if you don’t believe me!
Oh Man! Only God
(Yours, not mine)
Knows! But that is betwix me and she/him!
Fuk this whurl!
Stop this Fucking train!
Some asshole lied about the destination!
I Thought I was going to Vegas! And I ended up RIGHT back in this shit = HOLE of my life! I fuckin’ ‘paid’ money for this? You’ve got to be kidding me! Please wake me the fuck up! This nightmare is startin’ to SUCK! Major SUCK-AGE! i suppose it is all about ‘age’, ain’t it? Curmudgeon Function Junction!
Is Just a Fuckin’ Shot
Away! gO The FuCk aaway fRO
FUCKIN’ SYMPATICO SIMPLISTIC
(And Here is YET ANOTHER Vid That WordPress Managed to FUCK up!–
The Rolling Stones – Gimme Shelter (Official Lyric Video)
You are cordially invited to
KISS MY ASS!
MOTHERFUCK YOU WORDPRESS!!!!!
SEE THE COMMENTS SECTION TO SEE HOW I AM ABOUT TO GO FUCKIN’ POSTAL ON SOME WP ASSHOLE—FIRST ONE I CAN FIND! I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF I MUST FLY TO MUMBAI! I AM PERSONALLY GOING TO PUT A ROUND INTO THE HEAD OF THE FIRST WORDPRESS MOTHER-FUCKER I DISCOVER!!!
Right Between The FUCKIN’ Eyes!
A Represenative of ‘Commerce’ Finest showed up at Mi Casa.
Said he had to take me
(For ‘Internet Threats!’ I had made)
Can Y’all say
I knew you could!
Guess Commerce PD are fans of my blog!
Asshole put his hands on me!
I asked him if there were not more important things he could find to do with his fucking hands.
Then he pointed his revolver at at me,
I went along quietly
(I may be stupidly insane, but I ain’t sucicidal)
And I harbor NO ‘Sucicidaal’
‘Fucking Death-By-Cop Vain Fanasy!”
And I KNOW HOW TO
MY FUCKING TIME’in!
Revenge is a dish
When Served Up Cold-Up-And Bleedin’
Its ASS Off!!
But You Can’t See Me!
I can Make Myself FUCKIN’ Invisible!
Then I will Come for Your Son Late in The Night!
JUST LIKE THAT FUCKIN’ NIGHTMARE YOU USED TO HAVE WHEN YOU WERE STILL SUCKIN’ ON YER MOMMY’S TIT!
YOU FUCKIN’ WELL
OH! I’M SORRY!
HOW FUCKIN’ STUPID YOU ARE!
And You Won’t Even Know What Just Happened.
You Will Probably Just Call it an
“Act of God!”
And I’ll laugh
As I Feed Your Son To My Pet
“Where-the-Fuck We’re You Daddy???”
THE REGRET WILL BE ALL ON YOU!
Speaking of Cynthia.
recent Fucking Post!
As I said,
I asked her,
“Any Mother-Fuckers have a problem with me as a neiebor?
She said, and I quote,
“Only that Mother-Fucker next door who complained about yer loud music.
“Oh! You mean that Mother-Fucker who hit me up for free beer at least trice a week?”
“Yeah! That Mother-Fucker!”
“I shoulda kicked his ass long ago!”
“Yes, You shoulda”
“t’s on my bucket list,” I said back.
Then she kissed me.
The asshole coulda just knocked on my fuckin’ door and asked me to turn my fuckin’ music the fuck down.”
“I know, Lots of crazy peeps live here,
“Yeah! I am one of the inmatetes, Peeps should not try my good nature.
“I know, but I love you so!”
“I know, but I love you more!”
(I really wanna bed her! But that would
There are some Things
To FUCK WITH! (My ‘Track-Record’ with All The women I Have Loved and Fucked-Over is painflly well – fuckin; docum- demionated …. Dementiaon ‘ated! on theses pages)
Oh FUCK All of This!!!!
I’m an Asshole!!!!
At Least I Admit it!
Unlike most of
I worked for a Texas Rancher
And I fucked his Daughter
One day he drew me aside
After I had wrecked his best tractor!
And I fuckin’ Quote!
“Son, You could ter’ up an anvil with a rubber mallet”
He was spot-on with that!
I was compelled to admit.
Footnote Story I love to tell on myself:
He (My GF’s Daddy) and MY Daddy were rummaging/fuckin about one day
I have no fucking clue.
But the fuck they were
Looking for fuck do I know,
Whatever the fuck they were looking for, they did not find!
Guess what they did find though!
A half-empty box of condoms!
Maddy told of this later.
That was the first time in my life I experienced a real fear of death
I was twice dead!
One by the daddy of my girl
Two by the killing and ass beatin’ I was about to receive from
Not to mention the maniacal laughter I was gonna suffer to endure from that bitch on wheels step-mother of mine!
The ONLY Comfort I got was from My Belov’d Madelyn
And if you don’t know who the fuck she is you must be fucking ‘new’ here!