“The Vomit Commenter’s Collection of Sad Commentary” or “How to Lose Your Readers in 4000 Words or Less”

Dear My Long-Suffering Patient Readers…

All five, four, three of you.

(“Type quick Son; they droppin’ like flies.”)

Uh, Dear Readers,

This is a “HOT MESS” collection of some recent, decent and some not-so-recent, not so decent, not so ‘normal’ comments and added value ‘vomit comments’ and some other weird shit that spills from my mind from time to time, thus making me feel fine.

Go ahead: Try to Diagram that Sentence.

Good Luck.

I’m Sorry in Advance.

Le Space Race flashback—if you do not know of the ‘Vomit Comet” I’ll help you out

OK Go – Upside Down & Inside Out

Licensed to YouTube by LatinAutor – PeerMusic, LatinAutorPerf, ARESA, Abramus Digital, CMRRA, BMG Rights Management (US), LLC, and 8 Music Rights Societies

(NOT Licensed to One Lance A. Marcom–“I pays my money; I takes my Chances–Just how I roll.”)

***

“Where you goin’?”

“I isn’t goin’ anywhere.”

“Can I go with you?”

    –Bro Dave Gardner

***

Some dude, [emerging from bedroom half-dressed] yawing and scratching his butt, “So, what’s for breakfast?”

Elizabeth Perkins, “Egg McMuffin, corner of Broadway and Belmont.”

–from ‘About Last Night.’

***

Dear Your-Name-Escapes Me,

When I choose to waste my time, I prefer to do it on some guilty pleasure.

Something talking to you is not.

I thought I had dismissed you yesterday.

Apparently reading and comprehending is not your strong suit.

No matter.

Let’s review, shall we?

You are tediously boring Kid.

Why don’t you go outside and play?

On such a lovely day.

Or maybe find something better to say.

Or start a one-man-band.

Your kind: ten-a-penny here in Radio Land.

We’ve been here before…

***

A poet of such piercing eloquence

But covered with misguided arrogance

He throws out the meats

Then shits where he eats

Oops! There goes the inheritance!

–Lance

***

“Fear?” No fear.

“Biggest mistake?” Deluding myself into thinking English was my ‘First Language.’

‘Texican’ is my first language.

I’d do well to remember that.

“Southpark will depress you, repress you, digress you, ingest you, digest you, and shit you out (if you allow it). Writing saved me from insanity there.”

–‘Letter from a Southpark Jail’ (Afghanistan, 2012)

***

Dear Fortunato Musico,

Did you enjoy reading my comment? Insulting, was it not? Would you read an entire story written in such a fashion? When you are so lazy that you completely ignore proper grammar (and spelling, and punctuation), you insult the intelligence of your reader at best and you show a complete disrespect for yourself as a writer at worse. In short, you fucking lose both ways.

“Us, you people, knows grammar be important to write because of if us people are be writer, to be take serious, us knows us had to serious used prospered grammar. It was crucial to we as to be good at you craft.”

If you want to fuck-up The Queen’s English for writing effect, that there above is how you do it.

Rangoli / cannoli

Linguini / martini

Houdini / Fellini

Pacino / Tarantino

Let’s call the whole thing off

Ima just jerkin’ yo chain Bro. Tit for Tat. You da quintessential chain-jerker, yo!

–Lance

***

OK. I’m confused.

Did the man you spoke to say “That is how you get held back in kindergarten?”

Or was that part of your commentary?

Punctuation. Use (or not use) of quotations

Be kind to your readers.

We don’t deserve it though. We should be able to just ‘know,’ no?

Weak trees

Knocked knees

Bee stings

Laugh strings

Freak out

Geek out

La Shriek?

They Chic

New Dance Craze??

“Well, allow me to retort.”

***

“Diwali is called the Festival of Lights and is celebrated to honor Rama-chandra, the seventh avatar (incarnation of the god Vishnu). It is believed that on this day Rama returned to his people after 14 years of exile during which he fought and won a battle against the demons and the demon king, Ravana.”

–Lance

***

No phone

No pool

No pets

Ain’t got no internet…

Hell! I’d do it for one billion.

(Yeah, I’m a cheap date)

Quoth the raven

(That black whore)

“How to get to Elsinore?”

“Elsinore, you ask?”

“Yes, Elsinore, which way?

In Elsinore I’ll stay.

“And with Lenore, I’ll have my way.”

“Say ‘Elsinore’ one more Goddamn time!

“I dare ya; I double-dare ya!”

“I feel like a black crow flying…

“On a blue, blue sky.”

Vid Share Cred: MysticPieces

(Sorry Edgar. Sorry Joni)

***

My condolences for your dear departed free-thinking mind as you are led, sheep-like, to the slaughter.

But of course, “Things will be much better in the Celestial North Korea,” that is Heaven, eh?

Fair winds and following  seas to you Friend.

Why go to all the trouble to create a meme and not even proof read it before subjecting the entire FB world to an inferior product?

My beliefs…

“The Cowards Never Started and the Weak Died Along the Way” –Old SEAL sayin’—jus’ sayin’.

Don’t know much about History…

Don’t know much geology…

Don’t know much about the French I took…

Don’t know what a slide rule is for…

But I do know English.

Angle: “a figure formed by two lines diverging from a common point or two planes diverging from a common line.”

Angel: “in some religions, a divine being who acts as a messenger of God”

Your meme is a crime against, not only logic, but English as well.

Unless of course you still are trying to say the “The Devil is Not in the details.”

If so, then one-thousand apologies.

Cheers,

–Lance

***

Yeah Alex, I’m down with this.

By the way,

What color is your parachute?

Cheers!

–Lance

***

Thank you Elizabeth

You have saved me from spilling more virtual ink and killing more virtual trees and wasting more virtual paper on this thread.

In other words, ‘I could not have said it better, nor agree more.’

Welcome to Writer’s Fight Club

Where the men are mostly men

And the women

Never nurture (nor suffer) fools.

Cheers and good luck.

You’re gonna need a bigger boat, by way of a first post.

Just a suggestion

Hope that helps your ‘writing.’

–Lance

***

Are you aiming at ‘cute’ here,

Or just showcasing your stupidity?

If the former, well, FAIL!

If the latter, Congratulations!

“Any plans for tonight?

Fork?”

***

TEXAN TALES & HIEROGLYPHICS: A Memoir

(Working title)

Nap time, that feared time, that dreaded time, that hated time.

Everything recounted above actually happened, in one form or another; me no Alamo.

“Call me Ishmael.”

“That was a whale of a ride, was it not?”

–Lance

***

Hi Belinda,

Thank you very much for spending time on my piece. Just home from work and of course was anxious to dive in and read your critique. You have provided excellent suggestions and have asked excellent questions. “Pregnant” golf ball. Yeah, whatever was I ‘thinking?’ Haha (Just plain old ‘golf ball’ will certainly suffice here, eh?)

There are many other fine examples in your comments showing how I might improve this selection. No need to recount them here, as you wrote them. I will copy and paste all your comments into my draft, in order to more easily work through them.

Again, your time and efforts on my behalf are much appreciated.

Thank you,

-Lance

***

“Ah Mortisha, I love it when you speak ‘atheist.’”

–Lance

***

“I’ve learned more from this group in the past 2 months than all the rest of my life.”

Now now Kelly. That’s a bit of a stretch, doan’cha think? Heheheh. Love you, you Manson Girl, you.

“It’s like sprinkling shit with the word “God” and that’s how you get holy shit.”

I am soooo gonna steal this…

J/K

It’s brilliant.

–Lance

***

“Allahu akbar!” BOOM!!!

(May often be heard in Shit-holes Paradises like Iraq)

***

It’s been a while since my last

Shitpost

So, without further ado…

*Zen and the Art of Commentary Maintenance*

Likes and Loves and Laughing Faces

Thumbs up Thumbs up

We’re off to the races!

A cheap thrill sensation

Brings joy and elation

With so much emoji

I’ll never be lonely

But cheap thrills ain’t lasting

Only forecasting

A sugary crash

Just a quick flash

Comments we want

No matter the font

Comments are golden

They fling the door open

Provide inspiration

Never inflation

True comments auspicious

And very propitious

Writers need feedback

Not smiley Prozac

If compelled to emoji

Don’t do that only

Take some small time

Drop a thin dime

Comment away

Make someone’s day

© Lance Marcom

***

Keeps rockin’ the nation

Emojis so cheap

But so fucking neat

We love ‘em to pieces

Like all them Meese meeses

–Comments, admit it…

Being “fatigued”

I have re-read (not that much fatigued)

Some of my recent comments.

Discovered this little gem:

“Comments are our life-blood”

Yup.

Some live for comments.

I love comments (and comets)

Even if they’re vomits

There is no real point to this post.

Save this:

If you like/don’t like a post,

Leave a little something of yourself behind,

by way of a comment, of course.

Even if just to say, “Hey! This sucks!” or “Hey! This rocks!” or “Hey! Don’t quit your day job!”

Out now

Comment, anyone?

“I know your monkey”

Would be a great title for… something.

Loved this John. Outstanding piece.

(You wouldn’t happen to have been influenced any by

“Joe Cartoon,” by any chance?)

–Lance

***

Hi Ginette,

I didn’t notice that at first (Mary Beth’s observation about the distance to the gas station—was it a gas station?). I do understand leaving the lights on, however. I have seen people do this before, if the venue was not particularly well-lit. Although, now-a-days, I’d suspect it might be difficult to find a dimly lit gas station.

Sorry, got caught up in all that…

The ‘hook’ worked for me (probably why I didn’t notice the gas-station walk)

Overall, I think it’s tight and flows well and I would definitely keep reading.

Hope this helped.

Good post.

“Fear kept Wendy Smith from staying in the rusted Sedan. The compact car smelt of stale beer and cigarettes, but it had been her ticket to freedom. She needed to get gas. She left the headlights on, grabbed her rugged back pack and opened the car door with a trembling hand.

…When their heads were bent down, she turned and ran as fast as she could.”

Cheers,

–Lance

***

The lament of every writing generation,

“We suck!”

And maybe this one does, but I hope not. For I am a cockeyed optimist, à la Mitzi Gaynor…

***

There are still great writers; always will be.

What is distressing, however, is we are the first generation with tools available unimaginable.

And how do most use them?

Cute-Cat-Memes!

Fuck me and hand me a quill and ink pot.

***

Some of your best writing Alex/Marie. Kept me locked up inside.

Love it.

My opinion does not match Dave K’s.

It all works (for me)

‘Cept this below:

“They must have knew their prince was missing by now.”

“must have KNOWN’ (Just typo…)

Bravo Marie!

–Lance

***

My first day in typing class in Honey Grove High, the old Broad K. Trout began our introductory lesson with an exercise:

“Class, two fingers and one thumb and it goes like this:

‘F   space  J    space  F   space  J    space… Keep doing that until I get tired.”

And if I’m honest, I thank her. Learning to touch-type is the only thing I took from HS that was worth a shit.

So… I Thank You Kathy T!

Last thoughts; then I’m off the air on this.

(If you’re lucky)

I am not an apologist for LBJ.

Honestly do not care how many ways y’all want to spin your history.

I have not the energy, inclination, nor desire to try to change your mind.

And I have far better things to do than become a caretaker of dead presidents or of their memories.

Unless of course, their visage is printed on some paper I am fortunate enough to be carrying around on my person.

I am not interested in taking part in a trolling war on this subject.

Y’all have expressed your opinions; I have expressed mine.

In parting, I will just add this to that:

It is disheartening to see so many who obviously have not taken time to actually learn anything in detail of the life of Lyndon Johnson or of the good he actually accomplished, jump on some lazy SJW bandwagon and ride it for likes to their comments.

Yes, Viet Nam was horrible, but that was not all that happened during the years, 1963-68.

–Lance

***

Hi Shawn,

Well, it’s massive.

Three ‘massive(s)’ in the first paragraph

Four additional ‘massive(s)’ and one bonus ‘massively’ sprinkled in the rest.

Seriously?

You can do better.

“A wee bit over 2000 words.” (Try 2592)

Ok, so arithmetic ain’t your thing; not mine either.

But, honestly, it’s a hot mess. There is NO HOOK at all, just mind-numbing exposition.

Why should I care about Admiral Sarah M. Visherly? Other than the fact she wears leather black gloves, carries a dress dagger and a concealed gun? Or because:

 “She… flashed her considerable teeth in a warning snarl.”

My suggestions?

Write it up as a ‘wee bit over 500 words’ piece.

Give us some dialog. Make us interested in Sarah.

Then leave us wanting more.

Save all the ‘massive’ detail for later.

 Get-us-involved-in-her-story-right-away.

It’s not all bad. I did slog through as much as I could.

There is some potential here, I think.

Unleash Sarah and let her show us.

Cheers,

–Lance

***

Juditta,

I listened right now, since it’s night.

Loved it.

Shared it to my timeline.

Cheers

–Lance

***

“For twenty-five cents more…”

–Lenny Bruce (“Hubert’s Museum”)

***

Hi Ginette,

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to give feedback. Adverbs are surely my nemesis. Thought I had cast most of them out of this piece (Yes! There were more, believe it or not), but you’re correct. Further ruthless editing is in order.

I think my problem can best be stated by Gertrude chastising Polonius,

“More matter with less art.”

Your critique is appreciated as is your time. As for MWTD, I think I was trying for cute there. I’m still schlepping about a lot of my ‘hobbyist writer’ baggage, trying desperately to become more ‘professional.’ If I do keep the “Massive Weps,” they probably should be downgraded to lower case at the very least…

And certainly, I love that you love my (developing) style; coming from another writer that means so much.

Cheers, and thank you again,

–Lance

*For Barney*
(RIP, My Old, Old, Old, Friend)

Trigger Warning:

May be offensive to people of faith:

***

Barney’s not buyin’
The bullshit they’re tryin’
Space rock was his ending
Not God’s will unbending

They say the Big Bang
Just weren’t a thang
They ‘know’ evolution’s
Not their solution

Yet science creates
Kids who think straight
It don’t take no sleuth
To find the true truth

Religion is pending
A major upending
Then faster than light
All Religion is shite

© Texantales.com

Bar…

I don’t have any kids (that I know of), but the idea of dealing with eight kids and nine grandkids scares the shit outta me. I never could relate to kids, even when I was one.

Just saying

–Lance

I actually wrote a bit about my pet cougar, “Charley The Cougar,”

But, I dare not post it here.

OK, screw it!

I post it!

Dragons and cougars…

Oil and water.

–Lance

You say imbuing

I say imbibing

You say black cat

I say who dat?

You say screeching

I say that’s reaching

Let’s call the whole thing off.

(Kidding—love it)

Hey, I posted an apropos

 while back:

“Time Sink”

Fighters an’ Writers

Righters an’ Smiters

Takin’ all my time

Spendin’ all my dime

Readin’ here

Fightin’ here

Sometimes even writin’ here

–Lance

Okay: I’ll play.

Lemme consult my ‘history’

Last Googled:

“Blogging for idiots”

“Creative drinking”

“Tell it; don’t show it”

–L

As an erstwhile distance runner, this post caught my eye (or maybe my foot’s eye?).

Enjoyed it.

I always kept a runner’s log when I was doing my forty or so miles a week, and in addition to the usual mundane, but necessary stats (time of day, weather, locale, distance/time run, etc.) I found myself writing longer and longer entries describing the run, my mood, interesting things I saw or experiences I had, people I had notice or notice me, thoughts that invaded my mind, pain, and on and on.

Ran across some of my old logs a few years ago (sadly re-lost to me now) and what wonderful reading they held for me after so many years of almost forgetting that I used to even write such things.

Certainly you are keeping logs as well.

Keep them safe.

You will cherish them mightily some years from now.

–Lance

***

Khalid,

This is far and above anything I could write (today), but I’ll get there.

Maybe.

Amazing.

So many wonderful turns of phrase/ wonderful observations.

“…outerwearly Arab, underwearly Western. That’s also the image of the rooster gone crazy. A funny story I read somewhere. A rooster not knowing exactly the time when to start crowing because he happened to find himself in the Eiffel Tower somehow.”

Wow.

Just fuckin’ wow.

I have a ‘Layla’ in one of my memoir stories.

I am going to shoot her now, for not living up to the name.

Have you more of this piece?

–Lance

***

“Every morning I was dead as a doornail”

When I first read this I read it as “dead as normal”

And went, “Hmmm… I like that”

Then looking closer (yes, I need new glasses), realized I had misread it.

My point: I kind of like my misread version.

Your thoughts Mimi?

Uh, my comment shoulda read, ‘R’Amen.’

As an atheist, I am well-vetted, and my credentials are bona-fide.

–Lance

BELIEVE that shit! 

“SHOUT! SHOUT! LET IT ON OUT…”

Credit: Tears and For Beers Fears (Duh)

***

Hi Mona,

“There was compete silence in her mind. No need to escape.”

Maybe: “No thoughts threatened her mind; no need to escape” (?)

Just a thought. (no pun)

I like it overall.

–Lance

If I ‘Learned’ from all my myriad mistakes made, the hard-disk-drive that is my ‘mind’ would first become fragmented, then full, and then just explode.

So where would that leave me?

It would leave me with just-one-more-mess to clean up

(Uh… I think I have recently written about ‘messes.’)

“Should I go for it?”

That one is near to the top of my page. It is the post with the dog falling over in bed.

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk! (I love to laugh at Lance. It is cathartic)

And YES!

Sometimes merely ‘surviving’ is enough.

Great post.

Thanks for sharing the quote.

Cheers,

Lance

***

“But here lies the difference between low-vibing fake ones and high-vibing someone.”

Great line (and meaning)!!

I may be ‘compelled’ to steal it for a future post of my own.

(I will, of course, credit you. I may be a thief, but I am an honest one—does that make sense?)

Great post Angry Bird.

Cheers,

–Lance

Very well-written and thought provoking.

Bravo!

***

To add my ‘two cents’… well two cents which I stole from someone else, namely this guy: some old dude from several years ago,

“And if I say that the greatest good of a man is daily to converse about virtue, and all that concerning which you hear me examining myself and others, and that the life which is unexamined is not worth living—that you are still less likely to believe” –Socrates

I had a similar experience with one of my ex-wives, before she became one of my ex-wives (seems I am always in the market for the ‘future ex-mrs-marcom’ And the astute reader will recognize that I just stole that line from ‘Jurassic Park’ –Jeff Goldblum’s character)

Anyway, I was saying…

Oh yeah, my first ex. We were in Tel Aviv (I used to work in the Sinai for the U.S. State Department. You may have read some of ‘those’ posts: Sinai Field Mission.—SFM—Search for them on my blog if you’d like to ‘read more about it.’

Or not.

LOL

***

Damnit! I am gonna finish writing this ‘comment’ ‘even if it harelips the Pope’.

We were sitting at a sidewalk café on Dizengoff Street and I casually remarked,

“You know Janet, maybe we should get married some day.”

She took that to heart. (Or maybe she ‘heard’ me say “Sunday”)

Damn!

I wasn’t meaning ‘right now!’

Next day we were married.

(I had a problem back then with the whole concept of ‘Just say no’ when it came to women, and Nancy was still somewhere far off on the event-horizon at the time: 1979…)

***

***

Dear Reader(s),

If you have come this far, I humbly suggest you find something better to do with your time.

Jes sayin’.

Cheers!

“I dreamt a dream tonight” Of Queen Mab, or “Whatever Your Will, Will”

“Oh Good God! Lance is posting yet more ‘driveling-snivelings’ about writers, writing, and his writing travails! He wears me out!”

“Well, you may thank Mister Ohh over at His Place for prompting me to resurrect this long since dead post on the subject. Have a pleasant journey and be sure to give him my best regards while you are there. Ohh! (See what I just did there?) Oh btw, the password is “Mo’ Sent me.” ‘Mo, being shorthand for ‘Moron.’ Gawd! I crack me up! Ha. Ha. Ha.

The Angry Mab

Credit: deviantart.com

“I dreamt a dream tonight.”

“And so did I.”

“Well, what was yours?”

“That dreamer’s often lie.”

“…In bed asleep while they do dream things true!”

“Oh! Then I see Queen Mab hath been with you!”

–R&M: Romeo and Mercutio

***

“Peace, Good Mercutio. Peace. Thou talks of nothing. Thou talkst of nothing.”

“True. True. I talk of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain. Begot of nothing but  vain fantasy, which is as thin of substance as the air and more inconstant than the wind who woes even now the frozen bosom of the north, and being angered puffs away from thence, turning his side to the dew-dropping south.”

Thou Talkst of Nothing

***

After a night of hard blogging and writing of drafts, and becoming somewhat disillusioned and more than daft, I perished toward my bed, reaching out for the Arms of Morpheus.

Within moments I slipped into that Hypnagogic Sleep, that strange place between two worlds, that semi-conscious state of being, yet not being,

“Illumined Pleasure”

Salvador Dali 1928

Sleep, but Not Sleep.

Then I began to dream things that should have been true.

But were not true

Yet so true.

Wonderful words words words!

Words to sate my unnourished prose.

Words swirl’d about in my mind like so many fireflies on a summer’s eve:

“Words, words, words!. Once, I had the gift. I could make love out of words as a potter makes cups of clay. Love that overthrows empires. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone.”

— “Will Shakespeare in Love”

I had it (them, those) words… goin’ on.

Brilliant words. Beautiful, poignant words! All right there!

Right there In My Mind

Hovering, floating just above the surface

I reached out my finger to tap the “Publish Mouse”

My finger was frozen

It would not move

How hard I did try!

It would not comply!

I lay there in Nether Sleep,

Commanding!

Demanding!

The hand, one digit, just the finger!

Just move the damn finger!

Would not

Could not

Then I realized

“I am with Dante now”

And he mocked me

“Here are the words you seek”

***

But I Did Not want to be with Dante.

I wanted to be with my Lost Muse.

Y’all remember her:

The Abusive One.

“Hey! Lance Needs Help! He’s Goin’ Down for the Third Time!” or, “Does This Font Make My Blog Look Fat?”

“Just toss him a beer and that ‘Mae West Vest’. He’ll be fine.”

“But Sir, he quit drinking months ago.”

“Well Christ! That’s probably most of his problem right there. Ok, fish him aboard. I’ll have some ‘chat’ with him; get to the nature of his ‘Urgent Urgency’.”

I’m not drownin’.

Just Flounderin’.

***       

But toss me That Mae any-wayyy.

You may keep the beer.

Just asking advice / feedback from

‘The Community’

‘My Community’

‘Our Community’

The ‘Blogging / Writing Community.’

The ‘La Cosa Nostra’ of our ‘Unique Community’

“Uh, Lance?”

“Yes?”

“Is there something, anything, anything at all you are about to actually ask us?”

“Uh, yeah, Yeah. Sorry, got carried away by the current there for a sec.”

“Go on.”

“In truth, it’s just a simple question. Not really much to it at all in fact. But, in my recent writings… not so much the ‘writings’ per se, not sure I’d ever call some of them ‘writing’. It’s more about well, kinda embarrassing to ask, but you see, when constructing… or is it ‘destructing’… or perhaps re-constructing the previously de-constructed or de-constructing the previously con-structed, or just possibly…”

“As Brevity is the Soul of Wit, I shall be Brief”

“More Matter With Less Art

“Enough! Good God Man! Get To-The-Bloody-Point!”

“Alright already! Sheesh!  My query is thus…”

“Is the font I’ve been using too large? Do you think my readers find it obnoxious? Obtrusive? Even abusive to the eye? Self aggrandizing even? I use it ‘cause I can’t see for shit these days and…”

“Yeah, Yeah! We get your point. Finally! We’ll take your request under sober consideration and get back to you presently.”

“Next!”

“I just want to express my deepest, humblest, sincerest thank you for what…”

“Are you still Here Marcom? You have been summarily dismissed! You will hear from us presently. Now haul ass!”

“Thank you. Thank you all. Y’all…”

“BE GONE!”

*Lance slowly and deliberately backs out of the room. Softly closing the door behind him*

***

‘Verbosity’ is the Soul of My (and Sponge Bob’s) Wit

Well, I’d like to think so…

Spongebob Theme But Overly Verbose

Street Cred for Vid: Gigaflare8822

***

Author’s Note:

(At the end this time)

Of late I have been committing The First & Worst Deadly Sin:

‘Burying The Lede’

This unhappy behaviour must cease and desist immediately.

***

Here is the ‘Note’ Placed in its Proper Place:

I am taking a ‘brief’ break from re-writing ‘Shonnie.’

Bringing her back into me, back into my life, reliving her, re-falling-in-love-with-her, horribly missing her…

And as much excitement and joy as I may expierence in the re-riding of that emotional roller-coaster enterprise, bringing her back has, of late, become too emotionally painful for me.

I just need a break.

So I am taking one.

Maybe.

Shonnie is exhausting.

Yet exhilarating to remember.

She wore me out once.

Now she is doing it all-over-again…

“Way to go Shonnie. Wish you could see me now. You would, no doubt, laugh your little darling ass off.”

***

***

Some Added ‘Added Value’ below for all you ‘Word Nerds’ out there in Radio Land.

(You’re Welcome)

***

Why is it Spelled “Lede”

The spelling lede is an alteration of lead, a word which, on its own, makes sense; after all, isn’t the main information in a story found in the lead (first) paragraph? And sure enough, for many years lead was the preferred spelling for the introductory section of a news story.

So how did we come to spell it lede?

Although evidence dates the spelling to the 1970s, we didn’t enter lede in our dictionaries until 2008. For much of that time, it was mostly kept under wraps as in-house newsroom jargon.

Once, Al Marlens, the assistant managing editor, told one of the cleaning men to walk up to me and ask to see my lede, “not lead,” a newsie slang for the first sentence of a story.

—Myron S. Waldman, Forgive Us Our Press Passes, 1991

Spelling the word as lede helped copyeditors, typesetters, and others in the business distinguish it from its homograph lead (pronounced \led\ ), which also happened to refer to the thin strip of metal separating lines of type (as in a Linotype machine). Since both uses were likely to come up frequently in a newspaper office, there was a benefit to spelling the two words distinctly.

William Safire, who knew a thing or two about newsrooms, wrote in his New York Times “On Language” column in 1990, “Wouldn’t it be easier if the noun for the metal were spelled the way it sounded (led, to rhyme with dead) and the noun for the beginning of a newspaper story were spelled the way it is pronounced (lede, or leed, to rhyme with deed)?”

Others have been less than willing to embrace the new spelling. At The Awl, founder Choire Sicha tore out at those who use lede like it’s an affectation:

You schmucks who use ridiculous journo-terms make me crazy! Finally, someone is willing to speak out against the use of “lede” in public. Because, ha ha, sucka, there’s no reason for it! (Plus, MOST OF YOU ARE JUST BLOGGERS.)

—Choire Sicha, The Awl, 19 Sept. 2011

That “someone” was Howard Owens, a writer who has speculated that the flourishing of lede in the 1970s is ironic given that Linotype machines were starting to be phased out from newsrooms around that time. Owens attributes the fondness for the spelling to nostalgia, calling it “an invention of linotype romanticists, not something used in newsrooms of the linotype era.”

Despite the acknowledgment of lede by Safire and others, and its subsequent use by journalists and non-journalists alike, phrases employing the traditional spelling of lead still find their way into print:

But because I didn’t want Marshall’s piece to get lost in a big evening, I’ve buried the lead: The New Music Group was followed by a late-night appearance of wild Up, with Christopher Rountree conducting his increasingly impressive young ensemble in three more premieres

Mark Swed, Los Angeles Times, 2 Oct. 2016

Needless to say, don’t want to bury the lead, but I think there could be a second day of down for Apple (AAPL) — said so myself in a video I did with Jack Mohr (see above) — but if you don’t own any, by all means don’t let me stop you from buying some.

Jim Cramer, TheStreet.com, 26 Oct. 2016

This is sure to become one of those longstanding usage debates that will have its hard-liners on both sides, and perhaps reveal a little bit about the writer’s familiarity with the news business.

Credit:

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/bury-the-lede-versus-lead

“An Unlikely Horse to Win, Place, or Even Show Up” (2021 Re-Boot with Verbose Author’s Op-Ed Bonus Bit Thrown In)

TLDR

Author’s Note for 2021:

This was yet another ancient post marked for ‘Make-Over.’

Now this has been accomplished, albeit with a ‘soft’, ‘light’ finger on that ‘delete key.’

It was not my intent to change much about the original post in general, nor the ‘message’ in particular. My desire was mainly to bring it up to speed vis-à-vis  my 2021 ‘Higher Production Standards’.

(That’s ‘tongue-in-cheek’, by the way, as if Y’all don’t already know this! Hahaha!)

This next is Not ‘tongue-in-cheek,’ however. It is sincerely serious.

When I originally ‘penned’ the post I was a little frustrated over ‘Bot’ likes and also,  as I called them, ‘Drive-By Likers’ You know the breed (Even If you have been blogging only a short while).

The ‘Drive-By Liker’ surfs the WP Reader page and likes damn near everything, in an attempt, I surmise, to generate interest and traffic in His/Hers/Other’s blog site.

This used to piss me off.

Now it doesn’t.

Because I am more and more maturely humble these days as I find myself on ‘The Back Nine of Life’

And so now I give all the  ‘Likes’ the benefit of my doubt and just appreciate them for what they are.

Long lost Abusive Muse sent me this email. (Remember her? I’ll drop her in at the end as an ‘Added Value Bonus Bit’.)

“Lance! Someone took the time to drop a ‘like’ on your dumb ass. Be Happy with it! Never look a ‘Gift Like’ in the Mouth. Print it out and fuckin’ frame it. Put it on your “I Like Me Wall” along with all the other ‘Real-Life’ bullshit accolades and awards you have dragged around with you over all these years. Fer Chrissakes! Get over yourself!”

“Love Ya. Mean it.”

–Ms Muse

***

Not everyone has time, nor even inclination to comment on every bloody post they ‘like’. I understand this now. That is just how some folks roll.

On the other hand, I will, ninety-nine percent of the time, leave a comment on every post I have liked.

This certainly does not mean I am the ‘better, kinder, gentler blogger.’ It just means that That is How I choose to Roll.

We are all different, unique, and worthy-of-respect individuals, and we approach blogging each to our own ends, and according to own philosophies (I have written extensively on this of late. See attached below:  “Worthy Writers”)

*****

Back to THIS post:

I wanted it to be a fun, light-hearted, whimsical way for me to bitch, moan, and complain about a personal ‘Pet Peeve’ of mine.

I think I came close to accomplishing my goal back then. I have copy-pasta’d the comments from the original post at the bottom of this one.

But I had also posted some other posts related to the subject, which were a little more, shall we say, ‘direct-to-the meat’ of the matter.

“More matter, less art” as Gertrude said to Polonius in “Hamlet”.

I’d skip those old posts if I were you. I am certainly not proud of them.

Okay, there may be one or two exceptions to what I just wrote above. This below might be one of them. I had forgotten about it. I find it kind of endearing. You may too.

Or not.

Moving on…

I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things, reading and writing and commenting being very close to the top of my ‘Opinion Hit Parade.’ Not always have I expressed these opinions in a respectful way.

I am working more and more toward the ‘respectful way’ of expressing my opinions these days. Lord knows, we have too much vitriol in our world to deal with already.

I do Not wish to contribute to That and if you catch me ‘back-sliding’, please call me out on it.

Respectfully,

Mister Lance ‘Eddie’ Marcom

***

Alright! After All That ‘Preamble’ and if You-Are-Still-Here…

Here is the post I have been trying to post:

“A like is a like of course of course

“And everyone loves a like of course

“Unless of course

“The like is from the Famous Mister Ed…

(Who is just a horse and not a real person)

“Go right to the source and ask the horse…

“Do you read before you enforce

 “That this is a post that you’d endorse?

“He’s always on a steady course…

“Talk to Mister Ed.”

Readers!

Readers!

“My Kingdom! For Readers!”

This rant is certainly not directed at those of you who actually read my scribblings. It is directed at those few, those happy few who… Never mind:

Y’all catch my drift, as I am certainly not the only one who experiences this.

And in Closing, Allow Me To Say This About That:

Please Don’t Hesitate To “Like” A Post Of Mine Now Because You Mistakenly Assume I Will Be Wondering,

Where Is The Frickin’ Comment?”

I No Longer Think That Way

So ‘Like’ Away!!

Cheers To All My Good Friends Out There in ‘Radio Land’.

****

Comments from the original post below. (Best to start at the bottom and read your way up. Makes more sense that way.)

***

LAMarcom June 18, 2014 at 18:37 Edit

And likewise.

🙂

janeybgood June 18, 2014 at 15:53 Edit

No problem Lance, I’m glad to “meet” you 🙂

LAMarcom June 18, 2014 at 15:46 Edit

Bona-fide speed reader!

Awesome (I read fast too and sometimes I also out-type my brain, which can have unfortunate consequences….at times)

😉

Thank you very much for your visits and commentary.

Always makes my day to have feedback.

Cheers,

-Lance

janeybgood June 18, 2014 at 15:41 Edit

Believe if or not, I did read it that quickly because I’m just that good 🙂

Succinct and brilliant! I,like, totally liked it.

Teela Hart June 7, 2014 at 03:24 Edit

🙂

LAMarcom June 6, 2014 at 08:29 Edit

Of course.

😉

Teela Hart June 6, 2014 at 06:40 Edit

I’ve always loved Mr. Ed.

And a comment is a comment of course of course. 😀

LAMarcom June 6, 2014 at 00:18 Edit

Funny paradox, ain’t it? Catch 22?

LAMarcom June 6, 2014 at 00:15 Edit

Exactly how my mind works!

Hahahaha

Yep

Thanks for not being a ‘bot’.

Laughing. See? You made me laugh.

Now here is your token for a free Lone Star Beer redeemable at Lackland O Club only.

😉

happierheathen June 6, 2014 at 00:08 Edit

So, then, you’re writing for those who never read your stuff so won’t know of it anyway. It makes perfect sense to me.

*******

As Promised and Foretold:

Wonderful World of Worthy Writers!

We are, each of us, all of us, complicated, worthy people, full of brightly brilliant ideas, passionate passions, boundless potentials and infinite possibilities.

We are “Writers,” which makes us just a little bit different, special, and weird.

(In a very good way)

We each have our own personal foibles, strengths, weaknesses, levels of humanity, quirks, degrees of sanity, degrees of insanity, levels of intelligence, variances of meanness, variances of kindness, oscillating magnitudes of mood, cascades of creativity, brilliance of brevities, vacillating verbosities, and on and on…

In short we are all individuals possessing something unique that only each unique one amongst us can share.

And THAT, My Dear “Special Writer-Friends” is what makes this vocation so Magical.

And so very fulfilling and so very rewarding.

***

Ninety-Nine Percent of my Writing is Autobiographical.

And I know from visiting the Blogs, that most of my Fellow Writers, at the very least, Write a good deal of same.

For me, I find it healthy and cathartic.

Your mileage may vary.

But remember Socrates’ renowned statement,

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Content Credit: “School of Life”

***

Some of us have our own personal agendas.

Some of us do not.

Yet, We, each and every one of us, is worthy: Agenda Full, or Agenda Empty.

Honestly, I am fresh out (of agendas) currently, but I am shopping for one to rent.

***

Upon ‘Sober’ Reflection…

(Yes! I have Quit for Good, The Drinking–Having Chosen Life Over Death Because I still have years and years and years worth of shit I want, need, to write and to share.)

Yes! Upon sober reflection, I realize I DO have an agenda after all: My ‘agenda’, modest as it may appear, is to spread a little joy and deliver a bit of enrichment into the people’s lives who honor me by investing some of that most valuable, finite commodity we ALL share:

“Time”

I work very diligently not to waste even one single moment of yours, because there is no such thing as a ‘Money-Back-Time-Guarantee’.

“Love It, Or We’ll Refund All Your Time Spent. With Interest. No Questions Asked! Guaranteed!”

Sorry. Don’t work that way.

Some of us are Brilliant, Talented Writers.

Some us are just getting started and may need advice from time to time. Just ask; you will most likely get an inbox overflowing full.

“So, You Want To Be A Writer?”

Street Cred for Vid: Shea, Et al.

***

Some of us are polished, published, poets, prose-writers, playwright professionals, some of us are copywriters, some of us are even journalists, some of us are a combination of a few or of them all.

Some of us have genetic talent.

Some of us must work harder at it.

Most of us suffer Writer’s Block from time to time:

Content Credit: “Ivan Kander”

***

But the fact that we are all here, grinding out word after word,

Proves our worth and our respect for our craft.

And the Fact that you are reading these words right now proves you have respect for your fellow writers in Our Wonderful Writer’s Community

I think what my ‘message’ is trying (and most likely failing) to eloquently say… is that I love the writers in my fellow writer community.

We all have worth.

(Well except for that worthless schmuck who don’t like Lenny Bruce… and Y’all know I am even just kidding on that.)

“Thank You Mask Man”

Video Share Credit: ThankYouMaskedMan1

Kinda

Not Really!

Never kid About Comedy; Comedy is Serious Business!

Never Joke About Lenny; Lenny is Serious Business!

And if Y’all Think I’m a Serious Person, and not joking, I am gonna purchase you a one-way ticket to ‘The Re-Education, Never-Take-Lance-Too-Seriously Gulag Facility’, recently re-modeled and up-graded–it has running water now.

And Gulag Goulash Every Saturday Night.

–Lance, Your Humble & Worthy Servant, Who Loves, and Respects, All of ‘Y’alls’.

*****

Bonus ‘Added Value’

Shakespeare & Marlowe:

Credit: Miramax

SHITTY PITY PARTY

Lance walks into the ‘Psycho‘-Therapist’s Office and slumps down into a chair…

“Hello. My Name is Doctor Calvin Cray-Cray.”

“Hello!” Way Too Effervescent Psychotherapist blurts out. “And how are WE Today?”

“Shitty,” I answer.

“Oh No!!” he says. “We can never be ‘shitty’, as you say. WE are always ‘Happy’.”

“’Go Fuck yourself’, as I also say.”

“Mister Marcom. ‘WE‘ do NOT Talk this Way.”

“Fuck yourself again Doc, I talk this way AND I am PAYING you so I CAN talk this way. And I shall continue to Talk this way–Deal with it.

“Okay, why then are you ‘shitty’ as you call it?”

Leaning back… wondering how long this court – ordered bullshit must go on, I decide to hit him with it:
“I am shitty ‘cause I have written some good shit on my blog and no one is reading it.”

“Please do go on. Tell me more. By the way, what’s a ‘Blog’?”

“You’re shitting me, right? They don’t let you out much, do they? Well… there is this one about

South Park

‘Kandahar, Afghanistan Version.'”

“You mean J.R.’s Ranch? I thought that was in Dallas.”

“Do you have a Degree Doc?”

“Of course, right over there on the wall. See it?”

“I only see what I want to see, Things that Interest me. What’s it in, your ‘Dee-Gree‘?”

“Phycology.”

“Yeah, guess that would make some sense–How much you pay for it? Did they throw in the frame, or did you have to pay for that too? You obviously didn’t take any courses in Modern Pop Culture Pops. I would have thought that requisite—For a Phycologist.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“Never mind.”

“Let us get back to YOUR problem and away from my credentials, shall we? You say no one reads your ‘shit’, but why not?”

“‘t-l-d-r’ in the ‘vernacular.’”*

“’Tee el dee ar’? I’m afraid I do not understand your meaning here.”

“’Too Long. Didn’t Read’ Asshole.”

“Mister Marcom, I must implore you not to continue abusing me with such language. I am merely attempting to help you here. Why is it too long? Do you hate your mother?”

“Well, it took days and days to write, and… My Mother?? Who ARE you? What ARE you? Do you even know what it is ‘to write’? To write well? To do anything well? To pour your ‘Self,’ your very ‘Being,’ passionately, wholeheartedly, completely into something, anything? I severely doubt it.”

“Let us focus on ‘your problem.’ shall we?”

“No Doc, let us focus on yours: I don’t want to be here. I have been compelled, coerced, and constrained to be here. This makes me, right now, YOUR Problem. Try your best to cope. This will be over soon.

“Oh, I see.”

“You ‘see’ nothing. I just want folks to read my shit.”

“I cannot help you there Son. Perhaps though, if I may, proffer a suggestion?”

“Sure. Fire away.”

“Write some better ‘shit’, as you call it.”

***

As I was leaving I realized I HAD gotten ONE, (yet only one), beneficial benefit from this ‘Court-Mandated Counseling.’ But it was great advice:

“Write Some Better Shit.”

***

Why So Many People Want To Be Writers

Credit: The School of Life

********

Bonus Added Value: “Reasons to Remain Single”

Credit: The School of Life

***

Hanne Boel: “Can’t Run From Yourself”

Vid Share Credit: Johncoyote:

(https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/2572839/posts/3392151511)

& Елена Елистратова

***

“Better Off Without A Wife”
–Waits

*****

This Concludes My “Self-Help Session”

“Self-Help is The Best Help”

(“Because it is generally more effective and lasts much longer”)

—Lance Marcom, Not-So-Famous WriterYet

“And it won’t cost you a dime. Just send me one dollar, Postal Money Order for my advice.”

****

Want More ‘Crazy Lance?’

Visit Here

****

****

*TLDR

“Too Long. Didn’t Read.”

Frequently used acronym by lazy, ignorant people in Internet Forums, where their urge to type something exceeds their ability to read something or if they generally lack semantic ability to either comprehend or respond to a post due to underdeveloped brain.

Stating that they were too lazy reading someone else’s post just confirms the ignorant attitude and also often destroys the discussion in the thread.

The average IQ of people typing TLDR in Internet forums is about 64.

“Since I am a lonely masturbating boy with no brain I have no capacity to read all you said, but due to my lonely social life I still feel like typing something in this thread, I will type TLDR.”

–by foopp May 05, 2009

Via Urban Dictionary:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=TLDR