Reflecting Back, I Probably Should Stop Smoking Crack… I Cannot Believe I Actually WroteThis Shite—Let Alone, Published It is A Really Looong Post. El Stupido! Ya Know?! No! LANCE! dON’T dO iT! dON’T rE-pOST iT! (Sorry. Caps Lock Malfunction Junction)

“But I Was Just Searchin’ For My ‘Happy Face / Place. Sorry, But Christmas Won’t Come Early enuff this Year”

https://texantales.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=63428&action=edit

Found It Hare/Here!

(Booze Is Helpful Too)

Be Happy & Rejoice!

Git After It Y’all.

Nothin’ But Love For All My Readers–Both Of You!

BE HAPPY!

Lance Old Geezer Happy Face:

This is as Good

as it gets

In j-my Mouse House

***

“More Shit That Makes Me Happy!”

–A Re-Werked,

Re-Twerked

Marvelous-Much

Batch Of Shit

That Makes Me HAPPY

****

Expanded Post In The Spirit of The Up-Coming Season.

Yes! I Am An Atheist!

But I Still Love Christmas!

Please Enjoy This Post Avec Le Videos,.

J’espère Vous Do Yu (VooDoo?

You too? Day-um!

Guess I am Not As Alone as I Thot I was)”

I JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!!!

Not To Over-State The Oblivious, vi-we Owe U Us, But This Is A Happy, Upbeat Post I Humbly Submit

As My Early Christmas Gift

To All My Readers.

All Of You:

All Four of You

Cheers!

Hey! Hey! José!

How are You today?

Okay?

May I See Yer Green Card?

By the way

J/K

Credit: José Feliciano

It’s The Time of the Season

For Reason

For Tolerance

For Compassion

Love the too short clip of Liz in this video–

Only Lance Would Notice that slight…

Lots of tits and ass though–

I Like That in a Video( Think I ‘caught a brief, very Brief, Glimpse of Ann Margaret in this Vid, But I should Probably stop drinkin’….

Cred for Vid: andrew91118

And I Shall Always Remain Thankful For What I’ve Got

And Merci Curtis–I Shall Never Grow Weary of This Classic Song. Your Words Have Guided My Life’s Philosophy Ever Since I First Heard Them,

So Many Many Years & Beers & Happy Tears Ago

Cred: Curtis Mayfield

Yeah, I’m A Happy Camper

Credit: Pharrell Williams

Credit: Sam O’Nella

***

JAY & THE TECHNIQUES – APPLES, PEACHES, PUMPKIN PIE

“Marry You So You Don’t Roam”–

Yer Kiddin’, Right?

Vid Share Cred: ILMJXXX

****

Annie Hall

That’s All!

“And That’s All I’m Gonna Say About That.”

(Thank You Forrest; You May Go Now)

“Annie, talk to them. You speak shellfish.”

You gots to be mo’ careful

MUST WATCH!

HILARIOUS

Crab Lady

Cred for Share: K. Antoinette

****

Born in Arizona; Moved To Oklahoma…. Wait! Whaaat???

Street Cred: SNL

***

Egyptian: Walk This Way

Okay?

Cred: The Bangles

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Credit: Sam O’Nella

Two More Bottles Of Wine

Cred for Vid Share: Ultimatekaya

Emmylou is so drop-dead beautiful (and so ‘feisty’ in this performance. I love love LOVE her!)

****

Martians Are Summoning Me!

“Linda, You got Some ‘Splaining to do”

Cred For vid: John Prine

Linda goes to Mars and leaves her mind behind.

(I can certainly relate)

One More From Beautifully Lovely Emmylou:

Leaving Louisiana in the Broad Daylight 

(Volume is Borked–Crank This One Y’all)

Cred for Vid Share: TopPop

Best lyric from this song:
“It ain’t no time for lengthy speeches.”

Or this one: “There ain’t no way to stop the water”

(It’s a ‘photo finish.’)

Such a wonderful song. I love you Emmylou!

*****

Best Movie to Come Out Of The Nineties?

Probably

All Signs Point To

Yes!

Oh Hell Yes!

Cred for Vid Clip Share: manetaki

****

King Arthur’s Footnote:

I “Lift” A Lot From The Inner-Webs

But I am No Thief.

I ALWAYS Endeavor to CRED

(Unless it isn’t blatantly obvious–yet even then… I try to do it–Someone took the time and the bandwidth to bother to upload it. And I appreciate that)

Whenever I can and can Find The Time, I cred, and if I don’t have the time at that moment, I come back. Always.

If I push that Back, I come back until Later and Fix any Over-Sight/Slight

Thank You

This point is Important to Me.

It is a simple matter of respect for T

he Work of Others who Do My Heavy Lifting for Me

That’s all.

*****

Aretha Franklin – Respect [1967]

Street Cred for Vid: TatanBrown

Forget It: I Need To Die Soon–I tried to make a ‘SHORT LIST’ of all the Women I Love, Respect, and Admire (& Desire!) Such Folly! Who Was I Kidding?! This ‘List’ Just goes on and on and on and on….

Below is just a ‘Short’ Collection of a Few of My Favorite ‘Things

My Humble Tribute to All The Girls

******

I Really Do LOVE You Stevie! You’re the Best of All the Rest.

I Adore You Stevie Nicks! (In Spite of my Recent (playful) Bashings of you)


“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too
Oh! I’m getting older too”

*****

Let’s Get On With it. Shall we?

“I Just Try To Think Of Nice Things”

Always Been My Philosophy

Angela Cartwright: My Favorite Teenybopper Crush:

“I Regret Nothing”

–Edith

“They put in a Nickle and they want a Dollar Song.”

Beautiful, Beautiful Joni

“When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go…”

Sexy Grace

I tried to make a ‘short’ list of all the women whom I love and admire:

“Yeah! Good Luck With That!”

(The ‘Short’ Part)

  1. Joni
  2. Linda
  3. Barbra
  4. Catherine
  5. Sheryl
  6. Carly
  7. Cher
  8. Ex-wives (all four)
  9. Melanie
  10. Janis
  11. Mom
  12. Christine
  13. Grace
  14. Julie
  15. Madonna
  16. Lanie
  17. Edith
  18. K.D.
  19. Jill
  20. Dolly
  21. Holly
  22. Tanya (Native Texan!)
  23. Judy
  24. Liza (With a ‘Z’ “Not ‘Lisa’ With an ‘S'”)
  25. Dorothy
  26. Camila
  27. Shakira
  28. Stevie (Honorable Mention)
  29. And of Course, My “Lisa With an S” My Third Wife:

Then I ran out of virtual ink

Stray Tuned!

I shall expand!

But I’m in over my head!

Most people who write about ‘Fleetwood Mac’ Write about Stevie.

I write about Christine.

“Christine has such a rich, deep down dark chocolate voice . I love her”

–Lance Marcom, Circa 2021

(Stevie is such a condescending little bitch during this video—Watch it closely. Then you will see what I see)

Song-Bird! No Shit!

Cher! She’s All There:
The Whole Perfection Package.

Carly!

Bat-Shit Crazy & Wild Tanya.
I Love Her Like Cash Money!

Bella Madonna!

Babs!

Joni!!

Grace!

I have not the words to describe how I love this woman.

Catherine! Zeta-Jones!

Love YOU Girl! Lanie!

Linda Baby!

K.D. Yes!

Jill Clayburgh!

First time I saw The movie (Silver Streak) at the Grove Theatre, I thought Jill Clayburgh one of the Most Beautiful and Charming Women in the Entire World.
(And I still Do)

Dolly, A Natural, National Charmer Treasure:

Holly!

“Judy Judy JUDY!”

(SORRY, Cary Grant, And Rock Hudson)

********

Liza!

Dorothy: Epitome of The Perfect American Woman

Vid Creation Cred: Wat Bradford

Camila Darling!

Sexy Shakira!

*****

And This Beat Goes On…

********

I ‘Construct’ My Posts to Entertain.

No other hidden desire resides within me.

If you have come this far, I hope you enjoyed this post at least half as much as I enjoyed constructing it.

‘Twas a “Labour of Love

“Linda & Lance Go To Mars” (And They Lived Happily Ever After) It is a Linda Kind of DaY

“I never drew one response from you:”

Shades of Robin:

.https://texantales.com/2021/11/05/i-am-re-posting-this-becuz-i-am-vain-and-stupid-and-drunk-in-texas-and-the-only-good-and-true-woman-i-ever-had-hs-sweet-heart-only-emails-me-once-per-year-on-my-fukkin-bday-thats-it/





YeaH!

I BURIED THE FUCKING LEEED.

This vid below is the entire point of this pointless post:

Cred for Vid” I cannot fucking recall!

****

Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post: (Which I’m so happy to Retort: I killed—Fuk Fb!)

“I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:

At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time.

Thank you Johnny:  My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The Old HG Daze”.

Thank you Johnny. You have brought joy back into my life.

Joy was missing in action.

Now she has returned.

“Welcome back Joy. I have missed you.”

(Muse sitting on the ‘Nasty Couch’ looks up and glares at me)

I am sincere in this statement .

You have not  an idea.

But actually, I’d wager you do.

“Linda Went to Mars.”

And Lance was on that same spaceship….

We were shit-mates

Me and Linda.

And we ENJOYED  the ride.

We did not so much enjoy our “arrival”

You see…

Life is all about the “journey”

Never about the final destination arrival.

Very much so

MERRY  CHRISTMAS”

Oh shit!

I made an esoteric reference

Here is the link:

Added value:

Ah Fuk it! I Love Her! I Think I Forgot to Re-Publish This… Hard Life-Learned Lesson Kids: Stay Away From Alcohol.

“Did I Actually Write This Shite? If Yes, I Need to be Taken Out Back and Shot. In The Head. Five Times. “Linda & Lance Go To Mars”

***

Goddamn it!

All the women I ever truly loved are dead

Fuk U Jesus!

(And They Lived Happily Ever After)

I’m an Asshole!

I Cannot Help it!

I Have Strong Opinions.

Be They Right or Be They Wrong, They’re Mine. I Own Them. Lock-Stock & Two Barrels—Better Watch Yer Ass!

‘Cause I’m Scrazy-Crazy

****

The Life and Tragic Ending of Linda McCartney

Makes Me So Sad

I Did Love Her

This Bullshit Vid Below

NOt Very good,

But it is the Only One I could Find

At the present time.

I’d cred this vid, but I have forgotten from Whom I Stole It

***

I Was in Love With Her Ever Since

“Wings Wild Life”

Shit! I’m lyin—

I was in love with her way before that!

“Some People Never Know”

I’d Like to Believe

That I Know

(Paul Did Not Truly Love Her)

But Her Untimely Death Really Fucked Up His Mind.

Lovely Linda:

Maybe He Truly Did Love Her

Who Couldn’t?

Wouldn’t

Cred: BeatlesWives

*****

Just Another Day???

Cred for Vid: Bertierocks1

****

Really?

Fuck You Paul!

You Never Knew What A Treasure You Had Been Blessed to Have

And Then Yu Got Re-Married to Some Slut in Yer Old Age–

Defiling the Memory of Linda!

U Worthless Cunt!

****

YeaH!

I BURIED THE FUCKING LEEED.

This vid below is the entire point of this pointless post:

I’ve Been To Mars–

Had A Very Brief Relationship With Mars.

It Was Not A Very Full-Filling Experience.

Yet one more stupid FaceBork Post:

“I gotta repost this post and allow me to enlighten and explain to you why:

At least thirty-three percent of the songs are songs that JOhnny Whitley reminded me of or turned onto for the very first time.

Thank you Johnny:  My good, great newly re-discovered friend from “The Old HG Daze”.

Thank you Johnny. You have brought joy back into my life.

Joy was missing in action.

Now she has returned.

“Welcome back Joy. I have missed you.”

(Muse sitting on the ‘Nasty Couch’ looks up and glares at me)

I am sincere in this statement .

You have not  an idea.

But actually, I’d wager you do.

“Linda Went to Mars.”

And Lance was on that same spaceship….

We were shit-mates

Me and Linda.

And we ENJOYED  the ride.

We did not so much enjoy our “arrival”

You see…

Life is all about the “journey”

Never about the final destination arrival.

Very much so

MERRY  CHRISTMAS”

Oh shit!

I made an esoteric reference

Here is the link:

Shit that makes me happy

Added value:

I Re-Post This b’cuz I am Stupid. No One Will Watch The Vids, Why Do I Waste My Time On Y’all? Oh Shite! This is Stupid… I am Extremely Sorry For Wasting Your Time. Sin-Searly Sorry.

I Spend HOURS Seeking Out Apropos Videos To Share With Y’all. And Y’all Never Even Look at Them. So, Guess What? Fu*k Y’all! J/K! I’ll Try Harder

I May Be Be-Be–Comin’

Too Right–Too Right Wing–I Hate That!

SARAH SILVERMAN IS VISITED BY JESUS CHRIST

“When Does Life Begin?”

“At Forty”

“Get outta my Life! Right Now!”

“Okay. We Still Good For Sunday?”

Yes! I Am An Atheist

Have Been,

Ever Since I Learned to Read

OH! Fuk Editin’ This!

I Give! I Cry “Uncle!”

And Oh, BTW: Have a NICE / Fukk’d Up Day!

FUCK You WORDPRESS!

Case of the Mondays

“No! Shit No! Hell No! I believe you’d get yer ass kicked over sayin’ some stupid shit like that.”

***

Bad Day

Creds: Daniel Powter 

Have Nice Fukken DaaY

Cred: Who gives a Fuk at this point?

Did Red State Kansas JUST Vote to Kill Babies?!

Louder with Crowder

And Fuk Yes! I Have Met The Burn Pits–In Iraq and In Afghanist’stan!

Mutha Fuk Word-Press!

I am NOT Religious, But Fuk U

Just KIDDING! Don’t Grt All Excited!

“When Does Life begin?”

“At Forty.”

I Somehow “Managed” to Mangle it!

We are, each of us, all of us, complicated, worthy people, full of brightly brilliant ideas, passionate passions, boundless potentials and infinite possibilities.

We are “Writers,” which makes us just a little bit different, special, and weird.

(In a very good way)

We each have our own personal foibles, strengths, weaknesses, levels of humanity, quirks, degrees of sanity, degrees of insanity, levels of intelligence, variances of meanness, variances of kindness, oscillating magnitudes of mood, cascades of creativity, brilliance of brevities, vacillating verbosities, and on and on…

In short we are all individuals possessing something unique that only each unique one amongst us can share.

And THAT, My Dear “Special Writer-Friends” is what makes this vocation so Magical.

And so very fulfilling and so very rewarding.

***

Ninety-Nine Percent of my Writing is Autobiographical.

And I know from visiting the Blogs, that most of my Fellow Writers, at the very least, Write a good deal of same.

For me, I find it healthy and cathartic.

Your mileage may vary.

But remember Socrates’ renowned statement,

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Content Credit: “School of Life”

***

Some of us have our own personal agendas.

Some of us do not.

Yet, We, each and every one of us, is worthy: Agenda Full, or Agenda Empty.

Honestly, I am fresh out (of agendas) currently, but I am shopping for one to rent.

***

Upon ‘Sober’ Reflection…

(Yes! I have Quit for Good, The Drinking–Having Chosen Life Over Death Because I still have years and years and years worth of shit I want, need, to write and to share.)

Yes! Upon sober reflection, I realize I DO have an agenda after all: My ‘agenda’, modest as it may appear, is to spread a little joy and deliver a bit of enrichment into the people’s lives who honor me by investing some of that most valuable, finite commodity we ALL share:

“Time”

I work very diligently not to waste even one single moment of yours, because there is no such thing as a ‘Money-Back-Time-Guarantee’.

“Love It, Or We’ll Refund All Your Time Spent. With Interest. No Questions Asked! Guaranteed!”

Sorry. Don’t work that way.

Some of us are Brilliant, Talented Writers.

Some us are just getting started and may need advice from time to time. Just ask; you will most likely get an inbox overflowing full.

“So, You Want To Be A Writer?”

Street Cred for Vid: Shea, Et al.

***

Some of us are polished, published, poets, prose-writers, playwright professionals, some of us are copywriters, some of us are even journalists, some of us are a combination of a few or of them all.

Some of us have genetic talent.

Some of us must work harder at it.

Most of us suffer Writer’s Block from time to time:

Content Credit: “Ivan Kander”

***

But the fact that we are all here, grinding out word after word,

Proves our worth and our respect for our craft.

And the Fact that you are reading these words right now proves you have respect for your fellow writers in Our Wonderful Writer’s Community

I think what my ‘message’ is trying (and most likely failing) to eloquently say… is that I love the writers in my fellow writer community.

We all have worth.

(Well except for that worthless schmuck who don’t like Lenny Bruce… and Y’all know I am even just kidding on that.)

“Thank You Mask Man”

Video Share Credit: ThankYouMaskedMan1

Kinda

Not Really!

Never kid About Comedy; Comedy is Serious Business!

Never Joke About Lenny; Lenny is Serious Business!

And if Y’all Think I’m a Serious Person, and not joking, I am gonna purchase you a one-way ticket to ‘The Re-Education, Never-Take-Lance-Too-Seriously Gulag Facility’, recently re-modeled and up-graded–it has running water now.

And Gulag Goulash Every Saturday Night.

–Lance, Your Humble & Worthy Servant, Who Loves, and Respects, All of ‘Y’alls’.

*****

Bonus ‘Added Value’

Shakespeare & Marlowe:

Credit: Miramax

Abusive Lovely Muse–Chapter Two

I sat down and starting writing.

Muse was over my shoulder, massaging my hurting neck.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“My Job, Musing.”

“Knock it off! I am trying to work here.”

“Jesus! Relax.”

“Why don’t you sit down? I don’t need a spider looking over my shoulder.”

She looked a bit hurt and started to pout.

She parked her lovely self on my nasty couch. And glared at me.

I went back to my keyboard.

“Uh, Musey, What should I write?” I finally asked.

“You’re the fucking Genius; figure it out.”

“No! I do need and love you.”

“Write what is ON-YOUR-MIND.”

“My Erstwhile Girlfriend is on MY MIND.”

“Well, write that then.”

“Okay, I will. How should I begin?’

“A long apology letter might be a good start.”

“Alright; I will start with that.”

“Now we are getting somewhere.”

Chapter One Found Here: 

Next Chapter Found Here