Category Archives: Writing

Naked Writing

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Uh OH!

Truth Alert!

Malfunction Junction

Up Ahead!

Better Fasten Yer Seat-Belts!

Only Paperback?

I Want Hard Cover!

Paperback?

OK.

Guess I’ll Settle for That.

I am a lazy writer.

Really don’t write at all.

Not really even a “writer.”

All I do is steal, confiscate, appropriate.

Take stuff I search out, download, and drop.

“Copy-Pasta”

And too much pasta makes one fat.

And lazy.      

***

I have become more of a construction worker than a writer.

I build posts, using all the technology the Internet affords me.

Pretty sure I am good at that.

But

This does not make me a

“writer.“

Per say

Okay?

My fervent desire (believe it or not) has always been to be a write.(R)

To write well.

How did The Greats do it?

Grinding out page after page using only an oil lamp, quill and inkpot—rarely sleeping—rarely even achieving recognition until dead for years, decades, centuries, epochs?

How?

They were writers.

That’s how.

No bullshit distractions, save for the burning hunger in their guts. In their souls, in their minds. In their hearts.

Do not hold my feet too close to the fire on this,

But,

From now on (unless something really catches me), I will no longer be wasting your time with images, videos, memes, gifs, gifts, et cetera.

Just naked writing.

Stand on its own writing.

I want to get naked and write. Cast aside all the crutches. All the crap. All my arrogant pretense. All of it. If this means unplugging my computer and moving back to the desert, good. ‘Grate’. Fantastic. I love deserts, especially deserts in Middle Eastern war zones…

Just write.

Not steal.

Not distract you with puff and fluff.

I have it in me to write.

And only to write.

And write well.

Wish me luck.

***

Author’s Footnote:

And do not think I have come to this decision lightly, nor without some ponder.

Been bouncing about in my head for some time now.

Will be terrible diff for me to stop ‘building’ multi-media posts.

I love it so much.

And even more, I love sharing.

But

I have to make an effort to become the ‘writer’ I want to be.

I Need to Rent A Life! (Or Maybe Just Another Wife) Just Want One More Life–A “Do-OVer–” That is all I want! Too Much to Ask? “Example Of How I Tempt Fate With My Abusive Muse”

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She is so Lovely, Endearing, When She’s Mad

I cannot resist.

Because I am a Simple-Minded, Stupid Son-of-a-Bitch Dumb-Ass Sailor.

Apropos and Poignant Songs For Our Current Current.

(But ‘Don’t Let It Bring You Down’—‘Sorry Neil’)

Y’all Know I am Ninety Percent Positive and Upbeat.

So, My Mood WILL Improve with just a little ‘liquid propulsion.’

“Hey Muse! Reach Me A Beer! I am a Man Indeed in Need!”

MS Muse saunters over, smacks the shit outta Me, Up-Side My Head, then says,

“That is all what you ‘Need.’ Now get back to work and STOP SHIT-POSTING.”

(Guess I will be fetching my own beers from now on.)

“Dogs Eat Dogs. Cats Eat Rats. Rats Eat Roaches. Big Fish Eat Smaller Fishes,

But Humans Eat Earth,

And Shit Her Out.

Then Just Walk Away.

(Please Watch this one—it does not end when you think it should end)

I LOVE you Joni!

“Artifice, brutality, and innocence“

“The Perfect Girl: She Is All That Matters”

Lord Knows, I Have Had A Few

“Keep The Drinks Comin’ Girl, ’till I can’t Feel Anything.”

Fun Fact (Justin Case You Missed It) :

Joni Is The Soldier In The Video.

Shallow, Empty Lives, Devoid of Substance (But at Least We Retain Our Shiny Toys)

BONUS TRACK:

All these songs belong to Joni

(But Y’all knew that already)

Yep. I stole them.

But Joni and I are ‘tight’–She forgives me.

There is one exception:

The one I stole from Neil Young

Gentle Readers:

If Y’all Frequent My Blog It Helps if You are a ‘Joni Fan.’

Just sayin’.

*******

Just for Convenience, and out of respect and fondness for my Readers,

I drop in this Lancelot, Secret Chimp

Missing Link

To ‘Abusive Muse’

************

Just stop and say “Hello in There” ever’ once in a while.

(But not to me: I am an asshole)

Whoops E Lazy Bat-Shit Crazy Daisy! Already Second Thoughts

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Yes. Yes. I know what I said (wrote).

Naked Writing

And I was sober when I wrote it.

And I meant ever’ word.

When I wrote it.

But

I am suffering second thoughts.

Because I love sharing vids, photos, images, gifs, and even, sometimes, writing… and all that jazz. Never thinking all these ‘added value’ adds did not enrich my posts, I just kept on doing it. Doing it to the point whereby I thought I was getting pretty damn good at it. But I may be deluding myself.

It is just FUN to ‘Build’ Posts using such ‘crutches’ as I call them. But if I do not use the tools available to me, am I not doing a disservice to my readers? (All five of you—yes—my ‘hits’ have expanded exponentially of late. Don’t know why)

I mean, a lot of thoughts (Mine) go into selecting all of that “Added” Value (Theirs). But Nothing is happenstance.

No Brag; Just Fact…

Yet

I am not Poe.

I am not Shakespeare.

I am not Hemingway.

Shit, I ain’t even Ogden Nash.

But, I can write decent ‘stand-alone’ shit.

Perhaps I can do both.

Use the multi-media ‘added value’ to grab the attention.

But also, spend more time actually doing ‘serious’ writing. Most certainly I have the time. I got no woman to distract me (Alas). I have no job (Not Alas) I have my health (For now) What is to stop me?

***

It is my very heart-felt desire to make your visits here entertaining.

And worth your while for a little while.

To make you laugh.

To make you smile.

To make you feel just a little bit better about shit.

To entertain you, even if just for a fleeting moment.

***

Most of Y’all never watch the added value stuff anyway. And I have honestly admitted that most of the time, it is added for my own entertainment and edification.

Not unlike a fool who laughs at his own jokes.

(I am trying real hard to go somewhere with this—to convey heart-felt musings—wish my muse had not left me. –Old series, which some of you have read: “Abusive Muse”)

Just Another Example Of How I Tempt Fate With My Abusive Muse

Anyhow,

Trying to tie-up these thoughts:

I respect my readers.

I respect the time of my readers.

I want to entertain my readers.

I want my readers to enjoy themselves when they come into “My House” for a visit.

“Come in. Set a spell. Take your shoes off. Y’all come back now, ya hear?”

Please HBO here (Help a Brother Out)

I value Y’all’s opinion.

Really need some feedback on this one Kids.

(Not fishin’ for compliments, nor accolades, just honest opinions. Do Y’all enjoy the Multi-Media Stuff, or does it more bore you?)

THX

Drive Thru.

It’s just me, Self-Deprecatin’. UBH: Cast of Caricatures

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“Comphy Numb“

Only Decent Performance This Asshole

Dee-Crapio

Ever Did

  1. Sal (Hispanic Marine) Gift of Gab and Excellent Sense of Humor “Sadder than a Midget with a Yo-yo.” His quote. Not mine.

  2. Lydia (Old and Gray and Grizzled Away—but wonderful)

  3. Michael (Big dude. ‘Bout thirty stone.) We called him “Pete”—not sure why

  4. Christine (Bat – shit crazy. And obnoxious. And a bitch–but just for one day. Then she found politeness. And then fit right in with our “in-crowd.”)

  5. Jacob— Junkie—young junkie—Always wearing a Nirvana T-Shirt–nuff said.

  6. Phil—Texan—issues he had—showed up drunk Day One and checked himself in. Not sure how that works, but whatever.

  7. Nino (My ‘Roommate’) Did not like him, but he was there, so, what ever-the fuck-ever.

  8. Kelsey (my favorite ‘broken’ one’—loved her) “Take the Mary Poppins Unbrella and fly the fuck out of town.”

  9. And of course,

  10. Yannah…

  11. “T” I mean, “Ethel, the Pirate’s Daughter.” And cheater at Black Jack (and life in general)

No doxing here.

Whoops!

Too late.

This “Story” is going somewhere.

I just need to line up the cast and crew.

Stand by…

But one last quote from Sal:

“Kids are like little drunk Midgets.”

I promised him I would steal that quote.

Now I have.

Promise fulfilled.

P.S. This piece was more fun to write than it will ever be fun to read.

You realize you have a problem when you laugh at your own jokes.

“Time to seek council Son.”

“I heard you were a drunkard’s drunkard.”

“Never when I’m working!”

“Give me my sin again.”

“You kiss by-the-book.”

(Brook???)

(I LOVE SHAKESPEARE!)

And Claire Has Such Wonderful,

Beautiful eyes….

And yes! My mind has departed for destinations unknown

This Post is in Such Serious Desperation for an Edification, or Maybe an Enema. Or Maybe Le Both–Simultaneous. Because I’m A Fukking Idiot. & A Chocolate Mess! And I Approach Life with a Laissez-faire Philosophy. i.e., I do Not Give A Shit. “Escape From Memphis–Chapter Le One”–Re-Load–Have Fun!

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This Never Happened To Me

When I Got Out Of The Naveee!

Alas!

Kiss Mine Ass

(I lived Over It)

Ed. Note to All You Nattering Nabobs of Nay-Sayers down there in the ‘Commentary Section’:
I say this:
‘This is “My Side” of the Story!’
Read Between the Lines if You Must.

(Or feel compelled.)

*****

Lance, No Longer Down an’ Out In

Memphis, Tennessee:

Street Vid Cred: kndfbl

Joni! Joni! Joni!

I Love You!

You Are Such a Large Part of My So-Called Life!

******

Credit: Marc Cohn

*****

And SCREW YOU WORDPRESS For Not Allowing Me to Delete this below BROKEN Up-Load!!!

Stuck on STUPID.

******

 

She just sat there on the front porch, smoking Camel Blues, sipping diet Dr. Pepper, and watching as I scurried back and forth, worker ant-like, schlepping boxes and boxes and boxes and sundry other shit to my Ford.
Never said a word.
Never shed a tear.
I was leaving her!
What the fuck?
No tears?
No desperation?
No tears?
No tears?
No tears?
No nada?
English!
English!
English!

(You live with Meskins, expect beans on the menu, ever’ once in a while.)
English!
Stiff upper lip and all that jazz…

After I had packed the Ford to the point of tightness unimagined (you could have poured a bottle of Jim Beam into it and not one drop would escape), I walked to the front porch and announced,

“Well, I guess that’s it then.”
“You’re leaving now?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan,” I said.
She stood up, looked me in the eye. I threw my arms around her and hugged her deep.
Now we were both crying.
I managed to blurt out something profound…
“I’m so sorry Helen.”

“Take good care of you,” she said, blinking back the tears.
I slow-walked to the Ford, looking back through MY tears only once. Got in, cranked her up and drove away.
The part where the cowboy rides away…
Took me a block an’ a half to stop crying.
Then I was so over it.
And her.

Four blocks later I realized I could not see out of my side-view rear-view mirror. My dismantled computer chair in the passenger seat was blocking my vision. This would never do. I pulled into a vacant parking lot and jettisoned said computer chair.
Just left it there in the dust.
With my life.

Merry Early Fucking Christmas to someone.
Some homeless one in Memphis.
And drove on, westward.
Nine minutes later at sixty-five miles per hour, I was crossing the Big Muddy and entering Arkansas.
I had achieved escape velocity.
I turned on the radio.
Loud and proud.

CDB was screaming something about Trudy and telephones.
And calling her.
And jail.
I cranked it up and sang along.
Very happy and oh so fucking proud of me.
My new life had just begun.
Just another tequila sunrise.
As I drove west with the sun over my shoulder.
So many thoughts were flying around in my head, gnat like… buzzing.
I was almost giddy.
I was staring down six hours of road trip.

No big deal, but it had been almost ten years since I had taken to the road or air or sea, and I was just a mite apprehensive.
“You can do this Lance,” I whispered to me over the radio, now playing Van Morrison.
“Hear That Robin Sing.’
Hours and hours and hours into Arkansas (when did Arkansas get so fucking BIG?)

I found a trucker’s rest stop and so I stopped.
And rested.
And pee’d.
Had to.
Walked about
Had to.
Stretched my legs.
Had to.

“Where is Texas?” Halfway through Arkansas…. And halfway from what I had called ‘home’ for ten years.
“What am I doing?”
“Going West, Young Man, Goin’ West.”
“Oh yeah, I almost had forgotten.”
By and by I hit the “border”
(On the border)

Wanted to stop and take a selfie in front of the sign what read, “Welcome To Texas, Drive Friendly.” But it was Interstate and not safe to do so, so I just kept on driving.
And singing at me!

“Texas! Oh Texas!”
“You are finally home, Cowboy!”
Now what?
Keep driving, I suppose.

I had pre-arranged a ‘garage’ to store my shit.
A ‘rent-a-space’ shed in Commerce.
Got a phone call from the proprietor….

“Lance, you still coming?”
“Yeah, fast as I can, but I will not arrive in time for your departure. Can you HBO? Help a brother out? I will arrive Commerce about 1800 hours…. Leave the key in the lock box or something; I want to off-load my shit before I go to the hotel.”
“Sure, got a CC number for me?”
“Yeah, no worries.”

That sorted, I drove on.
Presently I arrived Sulphur Springs.
And promptly got lost.
Could not find the road to Commerce.
Well, shit!
It had been some years and beers and tears since I had had to make this trek.

Finally found the proper road and guess what?
It was ‘under construction’ as they do.
Took me some few little minutes to navigate through that, but…. Finally… on the road again.

Commerce in my sights now.
Sped into town, saw Whitley Hall, High Rise and shouted out loud: HOME!
“Thank fucking God!’
(And this was a push for me, for as you know, I am an atheist)
Found the ‘rent-a-shed’ and off-loaded my shit.
Went to the Adult Beverage Store.
Then found the Magnuson, formally known as “The Holiday Inn Express,” checked in, and got very, very, very drunk.

Chapter Two Coming…
Whew!
Chapter One is Done!
Writing is hard!

As is my wont, I drop in music.
Music defines me, and yes, my life has a soundtrack.
I suppose this don’t make me nothing special.
Just yet one more schmuck.
Trying to get by.
And Waiting for Godot
(Vain reference from my college / university daze.)

Beautiful Loser

Read it on the wall.
Blue moon with heartache.
Nick of time

“Scared you’ll run outta time.”
Love has no pride
This old cowboy—MTB

Escape From Memphis–Chapter Two

Part threee may be discovered here:

New Life.  Video Credit: Cool Coyote  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9mNquw1Fc7beFfQ8OpnjRQ

Blinking back the tears.

Dont’ Toss Us Away So Thoughtlessly

Yeah I Screwed up the punctuation.

Screw punct-U-a shun— and spelling too

WoW! She Amazes Me! Yeah! Still Re-Shit-Posting! I Love This Woman! She Enchants Me! “Sandra! What Can I say?” I May Have Lost My Feeble Sanity!

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I May Have Lost My Feeble Mind

Vid Compile Cred: Funny Fancy

It’s a ‘Sandra Kinda Day’

I Am Way Lost in Sandra Space Today.
Okay?

*****

I Can Relate:

Never Hesitate

Too Many Daze

B4 I Wake Up

She Invades My Mind

*****

Bonus Track.

Don’t Even Ask Why.

Cred for Vid: Chadman2000