I Love To Laugh (at me) And My Chasing at Sobriety
“Hey Lance! What would you do if you ever caught the Sobriety Bus?”
“Burn my nose on the tail-pipe–I don’t know–haven’t thought it through.”
******
(Ed. Note: The Bob Marley Vid ain’t Necessary, nor requisite. But I find it a ‘Nice Touch.’ Watch it if you want. Don’t if you don’t.)
“Totally ”Down-Stroyed'” I love a play on words!
(When it works…)
*****
So I discover a small lake in my ‘Head’—Bathroom. “Whatever does this mean?” I asked the Resident Gnat Watch-keeper. “You’re the Fucking Genius, Tell Us.” he replied.
I scoped it out.
Sure as shit, The Shitter was leaking out of its ass. I closed the water supply, emptied the basin, found some towels, threw same upon the floor. Went back to my neglected beer.
Then came a knocking upon my door… “Mister Marcom, is there a leak in your bathroom? Water water everywhere in this hall.” Deb said. I replied, “Uh, Yeah, but I fixed it.”
(Don’t want no trouble)
Deb said, “I’ll send Cynthia around to check it out. My ‘Guy’ isn’t here today.”
(Shit!)
Presently, My Love, My Cynthia, arrives.
“How you doin’ Baby?” (She always calls me ‘Baby’—It is a ‘Black Woman Thing’)
“I’m Fine Baby.”
(I can do ‘Black Woman’ vernacular too)
“Y’all got a leak?” “Yeah, it’s the toilet, but I ‘fixed’ it. Turned off the water and emptied it.” “So, you need a new toilet?” “I suppose.” “Okay Baby. Tomorrow…” “Cheers Baby. And Thank you. Ciou”
And she left.
Now I have something to look forward to: Some smelly fat white-guy Plumber invading my Sanatorium to replace my toilet and displace what little concentration I have left.
(As an Old–Fat, Smelly White Guy Myself–I know far too well, the Breed, and what to expect.)
There are no less than thirty empty wine boxes in my head. Curious as to how ‘Plumber Man’ will deal with them…
I spend almost all of my ‘awake’ hours thinking about writing.
I spend what is ‘left-over’ actually writing.
Since most of Y’all who are kind enough to visit me here are writers too, I would like to share some of my thoughts about the ‘writing process’, or at least ‘My’ Version of the Writing Process.
As I said, I spend an inordinate amount of time ‘Thinking’ about writing.
Not ‘searching’ for things to write ‘about’
Oh Hell No!
I’ve got so much shit in my head I WANT to write, but Most of it is garbage.
But ever’ once in a while, a light bulb comes to life (Light?)
And then I write.
To be completely honest, at that point, it takes me very little time to write it. I don’t (for the most part) fuss much over spelling, punctuation, nor anything else.
I DO, however, invest way too much time searching for music or images, or videos to accentuate and help my narrative.
(Truthfully, I use music and videos as a crutch to hold me up and forestall my lack of confidence… )
This is a character flaw I possess.
Anyway, at some point I clik the ‘Publish Button.’
So, I am tryin’ real hard (Yes it is hard. Hey! Get Yer Mind Outta That Gutter!)
Tryin’ real hard to tone down on the drinkin’.
Poured me a ‘HALF-GLASS’ of wine, (Not much more than would fill a hen’s ear) into a ‘Normal’ wine glass as opposed to my usual, ‘Barrel Glass Runneth Over.’
NE-Way….
Phone started ringing (as it sometimes do)
Set my glass on the counter and waltzed over to pick-up the phone:
“Hello,” I said.
Voice on the line asked,
“Is this Lance Marcom?”
“Might be. What do you want?”
“Mister Marcom, I am Helga with Corporation Blah, Blah, Blah. Our records indicate you are two months in arrears. When may we expect a payment to your account?”
“Let me get back to you on that.
My Fridge is running and I need to go catch it before it escapes. Bye now.”
*Click*
Remembered my ‘Left-all-alone’ wine glass.
Went back to re-capture it and take it hostage for my liver.
Discovered the Gnats were having a Gnat Pool Party in MY POOL. Doing back-flips, canon balls, and competitive diving off the rim of my glass.
I rescued my glass and drank down the wine along with the Fun-Loving Gnats.
“That’ll teach ‘em, by God!” I said to no one in particular.
*****
Theme Song:
Shared Vid Cred: benjichilders
*****
Footnote to the Story:
After taking Inventory, Discovered I was Dangerously low-on-Booze.
