No! No! NO! Lance! Don’t Do It! “Lance Looks in the Mirror” “Mirror Mirror On The Wall–Who’s The Biggest Asshole of all?” I’ll Allow You Three Guesses, But You’re Only Gonna Need One.

****

So I looked in the mirror…

First time in some years…

(Risky, Dangerous Enterprise? Yes?!)

Casually regards the visage staring back at him.

“Something’s missing,” he says.

Dons DEVO hat.

Yeah!

Hell yeah!

That’s the “Look!”

Cred: Dice-Man

********

“Maternity Flight Suits????”

Joe? Really?

I never watched the movie, “G.I. Jane”

(Because it was a farce and insulted the Navy SEAL program), but… come on Man!”

“Maternity Flight Suits????”

***********

(Maybe it is time for me to give ‘G.I. Jane’ a second chance. Cannot possibly be worse than the garbage coming down the pike these days.)

*******

I died along the way.

But at least I showed up.

Twice

*************

This post is in desperate need of some

‘Joni’

To talk me down off that ledge

I have found me Precariously placed on…

(or is it ‘upon’?)

Which is the ‘proper’ word?

Ask me how many fucks I give.

I write; therefore I Yam!

Just call me ‘Popeye-The-Sailor-Man!’

Vid Cred: jmms429

Song credit: Who do you think?

Help Me. Help Me–Joni Joni? Joni??

I am Still Back-Slidin’ & Pontificatin’ & Ex-cavatin’ & Re-Windin’ & Re-Iteratin’ & Writer’s Block-A-Cadin’—I am only re-Posting This Because I am DRUNK! “Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then? No? Oh, Okay. Have A Nice Day.

A Sumptuous Feast. Fit For Any Beast:

OK: Ready, Set, GO!

(Or is it, “Game. Set. Match?”)

I am easily befuddled…

Got my evening all mapped out:

Dinner and a movie—then perhaps a little ‘hanky-panky.’

Alcohol may come into play!

Char-dun-Yay!

All The Way!

&

Sade. Sade. Sade.

Pronounced

‘Shar-Day!’

How many times must I re-mind?

Sade insisted we invite Tom Over!

“Sure,” I said. “Wanna invite your Mother too?”

My Dreams of Wooing, Wedding, and Bedding

Sade

Became as a Schooner, Sinking Slowly in The West.

(See somewhat below)

“And It hurts like brand new shoes”
—Sade
(Beautiful, sad, sad song…)

“Pearls”

“There is a Storm in my Heart”

(See Below for Some Kris Sailor Fun)

(Sade’s Momma)

Tennis Never Really Was My Game—Just Sayin’

*********

Tom arrived–already Four Sheets into the wind:

Game ON!

Let’s Get this Party Started!

“Better Off Without A Wife”

It was at about this time that

MS Muse showed up,

carrying a can of Whoop– Ass.

We all kinda settled down a little at this point….

I un-corked the wine and put in the movie.

***************

Any and all laughs / jokes are on me,

But the Booze Ain’t Free

(Hit The Tip Jar on Your Way Out)

Merci!

(And Cheers!)

********

POST-SCRIPT FOR THIS UN-SCRIPTED POST:

In Case This Minor Detail Escaped Your Comprehension:

I LOVE SADE!!

POST-POST-POST – SCRIPT:

I’m NOT REALLY AN ASSHOLE:

(I just play one on WORD-DEPRESSED)

**********

POST-POST-POST-POST-POST – SCRIPT:

Watching Sade running down the filthy streets of (NYC?)

And past the ship docks…

Reminded me of yet another Strong, Determined, Beautiful

“I Will Not Be Denied”

Woman.

Whom I love, Respect, and Admire:

Barbra!

Best Line From The Song:

“At least I didn’t fake it.”

POST-POST-POST-POST-POST – POST-SCRIPT:

I love My Life.

And All My Ex-‘Wife’s

And All My Ex-Girl-Friends

And all the women I have had the honour to have known.

(Especially The Ones I got to Know in that ‘Biblical Sense’)

The very small and faint link below (Underneath Maddy) works… But WordPress IS STUPID! AND REFUSES TO EVEN ALLOW A THUMB-NAIL!

***************

As Promised Above:

Kris is Mentally Ill–This is why I love His Texican Dumb-Ass.

(Did that sound Gay?

Fuck it!

I don’t care!)

************

One last ‘Fun Fact’

And then I’m Done:

If it had not been for My Second,

Lisa-The-Shakespearean-Marlowe Prof,

(No! Lisa was my ‘Third.’—My Memory is somewhat flawed at times; and math has never been ‘my strong suit’

(I don’t even own a suit)

–Rhonda was ‘My Second’–But who’s counting, right?)

But 3rd time’s Le charme, n’est-ce-pas?

I would never have grown to truly, properly appreciate Sade, if not for ‘Mrs. Marcom The Third.’

Lisa had ALL of her CD/s

And for some many months…

She is all we listened to…

(Over and over, and over—again–she made us Happy)

Coast-to-Coast

***************

OH! Almost Forgot!

Lisa had one More Secret ‘Secret’ To Share

(I was Not Prepared—

for this One!)

She loved Madonna.

Had ALL Her CD’s as well.

Oh well!

Had no choice:

I fell in-love with Madonna too

********

“Happiness lies in your own hands.”

Ponder that.

How I live my life!

Only YOU are responsible for YOUR Own Happiness–

You are sole proprietor, caretaker, keeper of your own happiness.

No one, save you, can ‘make’ you ‘Happy.

It’s all on you.

Nobody else.

******************

“Here’s to My Old Friend,” He said.

“And kissed his ass Goodbye.”

–Kris

Famous Texan

****

Ed. note 2021: My Third Wife, the Shakespeare one, once told me: Sade’s song is bullshit. “Hurts like brand-new shoes” as lyric does not work. Women in Somalia, never have brand-new shoes.”

I said back,

“Lisa, you really missed the point, didn’t you? I have been to Somalia. Have you?”

Christmas Is Gonna Be Rough On Me This Year–Oh D(r)ear–In Yer Ear… “All The Lettuce is Brown, Alien, And Alive! Yes, I Am Properly F#^ked! Oh, Almost Forgot: And The Milk is Gray. Okay? José?”

**********

All the lettuce is brown

And the milk

is

Gray

So I ran away!

Because shit like brown, pulsating, alive lettuce frightens me. I prefer my lettuce dead, not running about, chasing me.

And gray milk?

Don’t think so!

Not appealing to me.

Been there.

Done that.

In Iraq.

Never again.

No Sir. No Ma’am!

My Life?

I’m lovin’ it!

Wanna keep it.

Alive.

Wanna keep my life… alive.

Spend your pity coins on someone else.

But first call in an air-strike on the lettuce–for me–thanks– ‘preciate Ya!

I will survive.

Thank you

Drive Thru

Better Version Found Below

P.S., I Love You Michelle (You too Cass)

Cali-Dreamin’ and Schemin’

Vid Cred: Thefreddy Show

***

Added Bonus Reference

“P.S., I love you.” You. You. You. (Michelle, My Belle.)

*******

Bonus Addled Value:

Michelle Phillips, 1986

Oh, And by The Way…


Regis Philbin,

You are Cordially Invited To ….

Kizz My Azz–The Dark Part,

You Dumb-Ass, Lame-Azz, Wanna-Be Interviewer!

Now Go Outside and Wax My Car!

You Dumb-Shit!

****

Lovely, Wonderful Michelle

Vid Cred: LPXI

*****

More Bonus Onus:

Monday Monday

“Can’t Trust That Day”

Cred: OscarOsR

I am only re-posting this because I am DRUNK! “Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?

A Sumptuous Feast. Fit For Any Beast:

OK: Ready, Set, GO!

(Or is it, “Game. Set. Match?”)

I am easily befuddled…

Got my evening all mapped out:

Dinner and a movie—then perhaps a little ‘hanky-panky.’

Alcohol may come into play!

Char-dun-Yay!

All The Way!

&

Sade. Sade. Sade.

Pronounced

‘Shar-Day!’

How many times must I re-mind?

Sade insisted we invite Tom Over!

“Sure,” I said. “Wanna invite your Mother too?”

My Dreams of Wooing, Wedding, and Bedding

Sade

Became as a Schooner, Sinking Slowly in The West.

(See somewhat below)

“And It hurts like brand new shoes”
—Sade
(Beautiful, sad, sad song…)

(See Below for Some Kris Sailor Fun)

(Sade’s Momma)

Tennis Never Really Was My Game—Just Sayin’

*********

Tom arrived–already Four Sheets into the wind:

Game ON!

Let’s Get this Party Started!

It was at about this time that

MS Muse showed up,

carrying a can of Whoop– Ass.

We all kinda settled down a little at this point….

I un-corked the wine and put in the movie.

***************

Any and all laughs / jokes are on me,

But the Booze Ain’t Free

(Hit The Tip Jar on Your Way Out)

Merci!

(And Cheers!)

********

POST-SCRIPT FOR THIS UN-SCRIPTED POST:

In Case This Minor Detail Escaped Your Comprehension:

I LOVE SADE!!

POST-POST-POST – SCRIPT:

I’m NOT REALLY AN ASSHOLE:

(I just play one on WORD-DEPRESSED)

**********

POST-POST-POST-POST-POST – SCRIPT:

Watching Sade running down the filthy streets of (NYC?)

And past the ship docks…

Reminded me of yet another Strong, Determined, Beautiful

“I Will Not Be Denied”

Woman.

Whom I love, Respect, and Admire:

Barbra!

Best Line From The Song:

“At least I didn’t fake it.”

POST-POST-POST-POST-POST – POST-SCRIPT:

I love My Life.

And All My Ex-‘Wife’s

And All My Ex-Girl-Friends

And all the women I have had the honour to have known.

(Especially The Ones I got to Know in that ‘Biblical Sense’)

The very small and faint link below (Underneath Maddy) works… But WordPress IS STUPID! AND REFUSES TO EVEN ALLOW A THUMB-NAIL!

***************

As Promised Above:

Kris is Mentally Ill–This is why I love His Texican Dumb-Ass.

(Did that sound Gay?

Fuck it!

I don’t care!)

************

One last ‘Fun Fact’

And then I’m Done:

If it had not been for My Second,

Lisa-The-Shakespearean-Marlowe Prof,

(No! Lisa was my ‘Third.’—My Memory is somewhat flawed at times; and math has never been ‘my strong suit’

(I don’t even own a suit)

–Rhonda was ‘My Second’–But who’s counting, right?)

But 3rd time’s Le charme, n’est-ce-pas?

I would never have grown to truly, properly appreciate Sade, if not for ‘Mrs. Marcom The Third.’

Lisa had ALL of her CD/s

And for some many months…

She is all we listened to…

(Over and over, and over—again–she made us Happy)

Coast-to-Coast

***************

OH! Almost Forgot!

Lisa had one More Secret ‘Secret’ To Share

(I was Not Prepared—

for this One!)

She loved Madonna.

Had ALL Her CD’s as well.

Oh well!

Had no choice:

I fell in-love with Madonna too

********

“Happiness lies in your own hands.”

Ponder that.

How I live my life!

Only YOU are responsible for YOUR Own Happiness–

You are sole proprietor, caretaker, keeper of your own happiness.

No one, save you, can ‘make’ you ‘Happy.

It’s all on you.

Nobody else.

******************

“Here’s to My Old Friend,” He said.

“And kissed his ass Goodbye.”

–Kris

Famous Texan

****

Ed. note 2021: My Third Wife, the Shakespeare one, once told me: Sade’s song is bullshit. “Hurts like brand-new shoes” as lyric does not work. Women in Somalia, never have brand-new shoes.”

I said back,

“Lisa, you really missed the point, didn’t you? I have been to Somalia. Have you?”

I Am A Moron, Or “Clang Clang Bang! Went My Folly!” Or “Not Fit to Live With” Y’all Sort it out for me.

Here is what I ‘hear’ when I go back and ‘look’ at most of my old posts:

Or This:

WP is fucked UP!

This vid keeps ‘loading”

My apologies. Thousands of them.

Be patient.

The vid is worth this wait.

and

Fuck you WordPress.

Clang

Clang

Bang!

I need a new life.

This one is approaching the expiry date.

And soon will not be fit to live with in.

Van Morrison – Starting A New Life 🐦

Vid Cred: Cool Coyote

Bonus Added Value:

Pandemic R Us: A Children’s Song

Content Creator Cred: The Brilliant Julie Nolke

(More Below)

Check Her Out HERE!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy0Pr5u-MwGXXzp_GDd4m_g

***

Not fit to live with

“My Mama Loved me, but she died”

Good Buy!

OK. Here is Yet One More Post I Seem Incapable of Just Walking Away From. Or… “P.S., I Love You Michelle My Belle”

Dedication!

Yeah!

C’est Moi!

Dedicated to the one I love

(That would be you, Michelle My Beautiful Song-Bird Darling)

Street Cred For Shared Vid: Folk Experience

***

Stupid Autor’s Note:

I am not stupid

I know the ‘talent’ in the Band was all Cass Elliot.

She had the ‘pipes’

But she did not have the charm.

Nor the looks.

Therein lies my dilemma.

I love Cass,

But she just don’t move me

Like Michelle

So I ‘write’ about Michelle.

Oh swell.

Guess I am just a Typical ‘Stare-e-Oh!’ Ugly Texan

Vid Cred: “The Beatles” (No Shit Captain Obvious Lance?)

All the lettuce is brown

And the milk

is

Gray

So I ran away!

Because shit like brown, pulsating, alive lettuce frightens me. I prefer my lettuce dead, not running about, chasing me.

And gray milk?

Don’t think so!

Not appealing to me.

Been there.

Done that.

In Iraq.

Never again.

No Sir. No Ma’am!

My Life?

I’m lovin’ it!

Wanna keep it.

Alive.

Wanna keep my life… alive.

Spend your pity on someone else.

But first call in an air-strike on the lettuce–for me–thanks– ‘preciate Ya!

I will survive.

Thank you

Drive Thru

Better Version Found Below

P.S., I Love You Michelle

Cali-Dreamin’ and Schemin’

Vid Cred: Thefreddy Show

***

Added Bonus Reference

“P.S., I love you.” You. You. You. (Michelle, My Belle.)

Added Bonus Because I am INANE AND INSANE!

Vid Cred: Them Boys From Liverpool