I Have Lost Me Mind! Christmas Is Gonna Be Rough On Me This Year–Oh D(r)ear–In Yer Ear…

“All The Lettuce is Brown, Alien, And Alive!

Yes, I Am Properly F#^ked!

Oh, Almost Forgot: And The Milk is Gray.

Okay? José?”

**********

All the lettuce is brown

And the milk

is

Gray

So I ran away!

Because shit like brown, pulsating, alive lettuce frightens me. I prefer my lettuce dead, not running about, chasing me.

And gray milk?

Don’t think so!

Not appealing to me.

Been there.

Done that.

In Iraq.

Never again.

No Sir. No Ma’am!

My Life?

I’m lovin’ it!

Wanna keep it.

Alive.

Wanna keep my life… alive.

Spend your pity coins on someone else.

But first call in an air-strike on the lettuce–for me–thanks– ‘preciate Ya!

I will survive.

Thank you

Drive Thru

Better Version Found Below

P.S., I Love You Michelle (You too Cass)

Cali-Dreamin’ and Schemin’

Vid Cred: Thefreddy Show

***

Added Bonus Reference

“P.S., I love you.” You. You. You. (Michelle, My Belle.)

*******

Bonus Addled Value:

Michelle Phillips, 1986

Oh, And by The Way…


Regis Philbin,

You are Cordially Invited To ….

Kizz My Azz–The Dark Part,

You Dumb-Ass, Lame-Azz, Wanna-Be Interviewer!

Now Go Outside and Wax My Car!

You Dumb-Shit!

****

Lovely, Wonderful Michelle

So Charming

So Beautiful!

Vid Cred: LPXI

*****

More Bonus Onus:

Monday Monday

“Can’t Trust That Day”

Cred: OscarOsR

“Tennis Anyone?” –Didn’t Think So… Perhaps Dinner & A Movie Then?

A Sumptuous Feast. Fit For Any Beast:

OK: Ready, Set, GO!

(Or is it, “Game. Set. Match?”)

I am easily befuddled…

Got my evening all mapped out:

Dinner and a movie—then perhaps a little ‘hanky-panky.’

Alcohol may come into play!

Char-dun-Yay!

All The Way!

&

Sade. Sade. Sade.

Pronounced

‘Shar-Day!’

How many times must I re-mind?

Sade insisted we invite Tom Over!

“Sure,” I said. “Wanna invite your Mother too?”

My Dreams of Wooing, Wedding, and Bedding

Sade

Became as a Schooner, Sinking Slowly in The West.

(See somewhat below)

“And It hurts like brand new shoes”
—Sade
(Beautiful, sad, sad song…)

(See Below for Some Kris Sailor Fun)

(Sade’s Momma)

Tennis Never Really Was My Game—Just Sayin’

*********

Tom arrived–already Four Sheets into the wind:

Game ON!

Let’s Get this Party Started!

It was at about this time that

MS Muse showed up,

carrying a can of Whoop– Ass.

We all kinda settled down a little at this point….

I un-corked the wine and put in the movie.

***************

Any and all laughs / jokes are on me,

But the Booze Ain’t Free

(Hit The Tip Jar on Your Way Out)

Merci!

(And Cheers!)

********

POST-SCRIPT FOR THIS UN-SCRIPTED POST:

In Case This Minor Detail Escaped Your Comprehension:

I LOVE SADE!!

POST-POST-POST – SCRIPT:

I’m NOT REALLY AN ASSHOLE:

(I just play one on WORD-DEPRESSED)

**********

POST-POST-POST-POST-POST – SCRIPT:

Watching Sade running down the filthy streets of (NYC?)

And past the ship docks…

Reminded me of yet another Strong, Determined, Beautiful

“I Will Not Be Denied”

Woman.

Whom I love, Respect, and Admire:

Barbra!

Best Line From The Song:

“At least I didn’t fake it.”

POST-POST-POST-POST-POST – POST-SCRIPT:

I love My Life.

And All My Ex-‘Wife’s

And All My Ex-Girl-Friends

And all the women I have had the honour to have known.

(Especially The Ones I got to Know in that ‘Biblical Sense’)

The very small and faint link below (Underneath Maddy) works… But WordPress IS STUPID! AND REFUSES TO EVEN ALLOW A THUMB-NAIL!

***************

As Promised Above:

Kris is Mentally Ill–This is why I love His Texican Dumb-Ass.

(Did that sound Gay?

Fuck it!

I don’t care!)

************

One last ‘Fun Fact’

And then I’m Done:

If it had not been for My Second,

Lisa-The-Shakespearean-Marlowe Prof,

(No! Lisa was my ‘Third.’—My Memory is somewhat flawed at times; and math has never been ‘my strong suit’

(I don’t even own a suit)

–Rhonda was ‘My Second’–But who’s counting, right?)

But 3rd time’s Le charme, n’est-ce-pas?

I would never have grown to truly, properly appreciate Sade, if not for ‘Mrs. Marcom The Third.’

Lisa had ALL of her CD/s

And for some many months…

She is all we listened to…

(Over and over, and over—again–she made us Happy)

Coast-to-Coast

***************

OH! Almost Forgot!

Lisa had one More Secret ‘Secret’ To Share

(I was Not Prepared—

for this One!)

She loved Madonna.

Had ALL Her CD’s as well.

Oh well!

Had no choice:

I fell in-love with Madonna too

********

“Happiness lies in your own hands.”

Ponder that.

How I live my life!

Only YOU are responsible for YOUR Own Happiness–

You are sole proprietor, caretaker, keeper of your own happiness.

No one, save you, can ‘make’ you ‘Happy.

It’s all on you.

Nobody else.

******************

“Here’s to My Old Friend,” He said.

“And kissed his ass Goodbye.”

–Kris

Famous Texan

****

Ed. note 2021: My Third Wife, the Shakespeare one, once told me: Sade’s song is bullshit. “Hurts like brand-new shoes” as lyric does not work. Women in Somalia, never have brand-new shoes.”

I said back,

“Lisa, you really missed the point, didn’t you? I have been to Somalia. Have you?”

Lance Looked in the Mirror. First Time In Some Time. Got Scared. Ran Away–All The Way To Waco–Never Once Looking Back.

First time in some years…

(Risky, Dangerous Enterprise? Yes?!)

Casually regards the visage staring back at him.

“Something’s missing,” he says.

Dons DEVO Hat.

Yeah!

Hell yeah!

That’s the “Look!”

********

“Maternity Flight Suits????”

Joe? Really?

I never watched the movie, “G.I. Jane”

(Because it was a farce and insulted the Navy SEAL program), but… come on Man!”

“Maternity Flight Suits????”

***********

(Maybe it is time for me to give ‘G.I. Jane’ a second chance. Cannot possibly be worse than the garbage coming down the pike these days.)

*******

I died along the way.

But at least I showed up.

Twice

*************

This post is in desperate need of some

‘Joni’

To talk me down off that ledge

I have found me Precariously placed on…

(or is it ‘upon’?)

Which is the ‘proper’ word?

Ask me how many fucks I give.

I write; therefore I Yam!

Just call me ‘Popeye!’

************

Vid Cred: jmms429

Song credit: Who do you think?

Pandora, The Most Beautiful Girl In The World… And Yes! I Love Her! Ever’Thang ‘Bout Her! I PS: Lov’r/ Julie Too!


Content cred: Julie Nolke

*Ring Ring*

“Hello? “Is this GOD?” (My Phone Was Glowing–Natural Assumption–I knew instinctively it was not The BatMan. As we have been ‘On The Outs’ Ever Since I accused him of Fucking ‘The Boy Wonder”–Long story)

So, It must be God: He is the only one who ever calls me.

*Pregnant Pause*

So I repeated my question:

“Is this God?”

“Yes it is, My Son.”

“I ain’t your Son. That would be that ‘other’ guy.”

“Oh Sorry, Hey Zeus is the only one who ever calls me. What’s on your mind, My ‘Friend’? Oh wait! I called you. You seem to be stressed out these days.”

“I just have a couple of quick, simple questions.”

“Go on…”

“Why did you create gnats?”

God said, “Ask Pandora.”

So then I asked, “What’s up with this WuFlu? This all part of your ‘Devine Plan?'”

GOD hung up on me.

What an asshole!

****

Much More Julie:

And For reference:

Just for Fun:

All The Lettuce is Brown, Alien, And Alive! And Yes, I Am Properly Fucked! Oh, Almost Forgot: And The Milk is Gray

All the lettuce is brown

And the milk

is

Gray

So I ran away!

Because shit like brown, pulsating, alive lettuce frightens me. I prefer my lettuce dead, not running about, chasing me.

And gray milk?

Don’t think so!

Not appealing to me.

Been there.

Done that.

In Iraq.

Never again.

No Sir. No Ma’am!

My Life?

I’m lovin’ it!

Wanna keep it.

Alive.

Wanna keep my life… alive.

Spend your pity on someone else.

But first call in an air-strike on the lettuce–for me–thanks– ‘preciate Ya!

I will survive.

Thank You

Drive Thru

Better Version Found Below

P.S., I Love You Michelle

Cali-Dreamin’ and Schemin’

Vid Cred: Thefreddy Show

***

Added Bonus Reference

“P.S., I love you.” You. You. You. (Michelle, My Belle.)

No! No! NO! Lance! Don’t Do It! “Lance Looks in the Mirror” “Mirror Mirror On The Wall–Who’s The Biggest Asshole of all?” I’ll Allow You Three Guesses, But You’re Only Gonna Need One.

****

So I looked in the mirror…

First time in some years…

(Risky, Dangerous Enterprise? Yes?!)

Casually regards the visage staring back at him.

“Something’s missing,” he says.

Dons DEVO hat.

Yeah!

Hell yeah!

That’s the “Look!”

Cred: Dice-Man

********

“Maternity Flight Suits????”

Joe? Really?

I never watched the movie, “G.I. Jane”

(Because it was a farce and insulted the Navy SEAL program), but… come on Man!”

“Maternity Flight Suits????”

***********

(Maybe it is time for me to give ‘G.I. Jane’ a second chance. Cannot possibly be worse than the garbage coming down the pike these days.)

*******

I died along the way.

But at least I showed up.

Twice

*************

This post is in desperate need of some

‘Joni’

To talk me down off that ledge

I have found me Precariously placed on…

(or is it ‘upon’?)

Which is the ‘proper’ word?

Ask me how many fucks I give.

I write; therefore I Yam!

Just call me ‘Popeye-The-Sailor-Man!’

Vid Cred: jmms429

Song credit: Who do you think?

Help Me. Help Me–Joni Joni? Joni??