Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Chapter Three: Highway Patrol Encounter on My Way To The Scene of the Crime

Junior Brown

“Highway Patrol” ‌‌

– Bohemia Afterdark

Cred For Vid: BVMTVOutlawCountry

Next day, Fourth of July, I borrowed Madelyn’s little ‘Chariot’.

(My ‘Labomba’ was broken down as usual.)

Had taken a can of charcoal lighter fluid from the garage. I did not smoke (cigarettes) back then, so Madelyn had given me her Zippo.

I hit the road to Bonham. It was around two in the afternoon.

As I got about half-way there, I passed a Texas Highway Patrol heading in my opposite direction.

Always paranoid, I watched him in my rear-view mirror.

Sure as shit he turned around and pursued me, lights flashing.

“Dammit to Hell!” I thought to myself. “How does he know what I am up to?”

I pulled off the road and waited for him.

“Son, do you know why I pulled you over?” he enquired.

“No officer, I do not,” I said nervously. Pretty sure I looked guilty for something / everything.

“Your state inspection sticker has expired.”

“Oh. I will take care of that tomorrow Officer.”

“Make sure that you do.”

Then he wrote me a ticket.

I waited for him to pull away, and then I proceeded on with my ‘Mission.’

To Be Continued…

****

Chapter Two:

Chapter One:

This Is Stupid And Probably Self-In Criminal-I-Zatin’ Ating. Ex-Panda-X-PandeR-red: 0534hrs, 11/11/2021– s. “Sorry God… Perhaps Next Time. Naw!”

Please Revisit

“Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Four”

I added Some ‘I Love Lucy’ and ‘Speaker Sam’ Shit—

Bonham. LMFAO!

(And Lest I Forget: Ol’ Saint Nick) No Jesu

RIP!

BTW I Always Hated Bonham Texas

Just Sayin’

Gavin DeGraw – Fire:

*****

After my encounter with the Texas Highway Patrol,

Madelyn’s car and I limped into Bonham–Somewat spittin’ an’ a sputtterin’.

I was spittin’; the car was sputterin’…

(Madelyn was never worth-a-shit at maintaining her vehicle, or me, Her Ever- Loyal, Ever-Loving Brother…)

I drove through the ugliest Town Square in Texas and pulled into the alley behind Richard’s Jeans.

Bonham! Gag Me!

The ONLY Saving Grace That Bonham Ever Had, or will Ever Have, is that Sam Rayburn Lived There

(and died there)

But He Wasn’t From There

He Was Born in Kingston, Tennessee

“Speaker Sam”

Sam Rayburn Library and Museum.

Bonham, Texas

*****

Parked the little Maddy Chariot, and ‘prayed’ it would crank when I was ready to depart.

Probably shoulda just left the engine running, but I ain’t all that smart.

Fished the key Madelyn had given me and walked around to the front door of the store.

Surveyed the square—weren’t no one there—was The Fourth of July, as I have said.

Let myself in.

Went back to the back door and let myself out.

Retrieved the lighter fluid from the car and went back inside.

I studied the layout of the store.

Several racks of jeans displayed in the middle of the establishment.

Perfect!

I douched two of them down with the lighter fluid.

Pulled out Maddy’s Zippo

Whoosh!

Beat feet out the back door.

Closed it behind me and then as an after-thought, I kicked it in.

Thinking I wanted this to look like arson.

Stupid decision on my part, looking back…

Anyhow, I jumped into The Lil Chariot.

Turned the ignition.

‘Clik clik clik!’

Shit!

Now, I was properly

FUCKED!

Stuck in the alley-way of a building I had just set to flame!

“Lucy, You got some Splainin’ to do!”

*******

Apparently, this was NEVER said in the Show–

This Revelation, Discovered so Late in My Life,

Has Ruined MY LIFE!

Street Cred for Vid: MoneyBags73

And YES!

I Searched All OVER The Internet!

Could NOT Find a Single Clip–Sound Nor Vid!

Shit!

What’s Next?

There Ain’t No Santa Claus??

Never Was?

And All That Wasted Postage I Mailed To a ‘Dead-Letter’ Box!

And Y’all Wonder Why Lance is an Atheist

********

I jumped out, popped the hood and, finding a piece of pipe lying on the ground, proceeded to beat the hell outta the starter. Slammed the hood.

Got back into the car and tried again.

She cranked right up!

I sped away in a cloud of dust and flying gravel.

Hoping Madelyn would love me so much more.

For Doing So Much More Than I Had Ever Done For Her Before

(If Y’all Don’t Read The Previous Chapters, None of This Will Make Any Sense–

Not That It Does Anyway…)

***

To Be Continued…

*****

Chapter Three:

Chapter Two:

Chapter One:

*****

BONUS!

“Down The Road In A Cloud of SMOKE!”

JJ Walker

*****

“I Have Of Late, Though Wherefore I Know Not, Lost All My Mirth” There is too Much Macbeth/Hamlet/Coleridge Residing Within Me! ‘Tis A Curs’d Curse Albatross That Hangs About My Neck.

Sir Ian McKellen Reads

“The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”

by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Brilliant!

Brilliantly Done Sir

Brilliantly

Done

Bravo!!

Cred For Share–So Where? Jeremy Neufeld

***

“Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store,” Chapter Five:

“I Have Done The Deed! Sleep No More!” Stay Away From Me! Lady Mac’Bee!”

(And Sister Madelyn–Leave My Thoughts–My Memories–

NO NO NO! I Did Not Mean That!

Why Did You Die On Me My B’Lov’d Sister?)

Why???

Macbeth (Shakespeare) – Thug Notes Summary and Analysis:

*******

Cred for Vid: CorkShakespeare

I Have But Murdered Sleep

Sleep No More!

Cred For Vid Share: Emad Ozery

*******

I arrived back home in Honey Grove.

Entered thru the side door, as always.

Madelyn and Daddy were sitting at the little round Kitchenette  table watching Jeopardy or something.

I scurried past and hit the stairs.

Madelyn was hard on my heels.

We got to the third floor of Marcom Manor and I ran into my room.

Madelyn right behind.

“Did you do it?” she asked breathlessly.

I did not answer.

I turned on my little bullshit radio and dialed in the local Bonham radio station.

“Just wait” I said to her.

We waited.

After about four minutes, the announcer announced:

“Richard’s  Jeans downtown was completely destroyed by fire this afternoon.”

Maddy  threw her arms around me.

Almost Choking me.

“I love you Brother!”

“I know. Now you owe, Milady Macbeth

“Huh?”

“Shut the fuck up. You know who / what you are.”

She kissed me again.

This time in Earnest

I damn near to swooned

“Maddy, I am not proud of this. I could have inadvertently, unintentionally killed someone!”

“But You didn’t. You Saved your sister’s ass.”

“You know I’d do anything for you”

“Yes, I know. This is you misfortune to bear.”

(Well-Documented How much I was in love- infatuated with her)

********

Ohio Players – Fire

To Be Continued

*****

*****

Previously:

Very Flightly Expanded: I’m Gonna Re-Post This B’cuz I’m An Idiot & It Is A Shakespearean Kind-o-Day–Please Re-Vist This! I Need Some Courage To Finish It! There is too Much Macbeth/Hamlet in Me! “Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store, Chapter Five: “I Have Done The Deed! Sleep No More!” Stay Away From Me! Lady Mac’Bee!”

Macbeth (Shakespeare) – Thug Notes Summary and Analysis:

*******

Cred for Vid: CorkShakespeare

I Have But Murdered Sleep

Sleep No More!

Cred For Vid Share: Emad Ozery

*******

I arrived back home in Honey Grove.

Entered thru the side door, as always.

Madelyn and Daddy were sitting at the little round Kitchenette  table watching Jeopardy or something.

I scurried past and hit the stairs.

Madelyn was hard on my heels.

We got to the third floor of Marcom Manor and I ran into my room.

Madelyn right behind.

“Did you do it?” she asked breathlessly.

I did not answer.

I turned on my little bullshit radio and dialed in the local Bonham radio station.

“Just wait” I said to her.

We waited.

After about four minutes, the announcer announced:

“Richard’s  Jeans downtown was completely destroyed by fire this afternoon.”

Maddy  threw her arms around me.

Almost Choking me.

“I love you Brother!”

“I know. Now you owe, Milady Macbeth

“Huh?”

“Shut the fuck up. You know who / what you are.”

She kissed me again.

This time in Earnest

I damn near to swooned

“Maddy, I am not proud of this. I could have inadvertently, unintentionally killed someone!”

“But You didn’t. You Saved your sister’s ass.”

“You know I’d do anything for you”

“Yes, I know. This is you misfortune to bear.”

(Well-Documented How much I was in love- infatuated with her)

********

Ohio Players – Fire

To Be Continued

*****

*****

Previously:

“Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store. Denouement—End—All’s Well That… Oh Well… Fukkk This! I Miss My Sis!

After about thirty minutes Madelyn returned to the dinette table and sat down. Then quickly got up.

“I set, you clear” she said, glaring at me.

Gloria said, “Madelyn…?” But too late.

She had already hit the stairs. I could hear her taking them two at a time—a ‘trick’ she had learned from me. (Not really, but Maddy was like a new born pony–‘clumsy’ as a word, does not even approach description)

I quickly cleared the table and bound up the stairs after her.

Found her sitting on her bed, a little visibly shaken.

“How’d it go?” I asked breathlessly.

“He knows it was arson. Thanks to you, you dumb-ass. Why did you havta kick in the back door. Dude said at first they just thought it was the air conditioner—they were gonna go with that, but then he saw that SOME MORON had kicked in the back door. Why the fuck did you do THAT?!”

“I don’t know Sister. I don’t know. Maybe because I did not want it to look like an ‘inside’ job. I did let myself in with your key. I guess that was what I was thinking.”

“Electrical fires in ancient buildings are common. Ever think of that?”

“No.”

“Next time, think of that.”

“Look Sis, this will all blow over.”

“He said he would find out who did this. He was suspicious of me even. I heard it in his voice. Shit!”

“Do you still have all the shit you stole before I torched the joint?”

“Yes.”

“Get rid of it. Shit-can it. Or give it all to me. I’ll make it disappear. Now c’mere.”

I held her in my arms and told her not to fret. If it came down to it, I would take the fall.  We both knew things were gonna get brighter and be OK.

***

Ooh Child – Performed By An international Musical Collective

(‘Scrool’ Down a Mite)

I love The Red-Head, The Girl one! Must I explain Every Obvious Thing? Skit! I give! Go Get Wrecked! But Y’all Knew this Already

I am giving up on this post. Do What You fucking Will.

I am way past the point of Giving a Shit

GOOD LUCK TO aLL yOU yOUNG’UNS

(I am on the Back Nine of Life)

You’re Just Now tee’ing Off!

Make it Good!

“Dead Solid Perfect”

(Esoteric Larry McMurtry Book Ref–Look it up)

Ooh Child – Performed By An international Musical Collective

Vid Share Cred: bikfoot

****

I kissed her hair and told her I loved her.

She said she knew and thank you.

END

****

Author’s Footnote:

Nothing ever came of their ‘Investigation’ except burnt up blue jeans ash. They gave up and filed it away. And Maddy and I lived happily ever – after

(And we never conspired to burn down another building)

All the buildings I burned down down hence, I did solo.

****

I MISS HER SO FUCKING MUCH!

THIS IS TEARING ME APART AT THE SEAMS!

I need to Find a Way To Let Her Go

Let ME Go!

Let Me Off The Hook!

I Shoulda BEEN There!

Where the FUCK Was I???

I have no I Idea, but I know Where I wasn’t:

With Her!

Where I should Have Been!

Goddamn it!

Nightcore – iNSaNiTY

Street Cred for Vid: Zen – Kun

****

Previously:

^^^

Bonus On Us:

Lagertha || Queen Of Shield (Vikings)

Vid Cred: violentbilberry

Richard’s Lame-Ass Jeans Store. Denouement—End—All’s Well That… Oh Well… Fukkk This! I Miss My Sis! If You Havn’t Figured Me Out By Now… You Need to go Away.

After about thirty minutes Madelyn returned to the dinette table and sat down. Then quickly got up.

“I set, you clear” she said, glaring at me.

Gloria said, “Madelyn…?” But too late.

She had already hit the stairs. I could hear her taking them two at a time—a ‘trick’ she had learned from me. (Not really, but Maddy was like a new born pony–‘clumsy’ as a word, does not even approach description)

I quickly cleared the table and bound up the stairs after her.

Found her sitting on her bed, a little visibly shaken.

“How’d it go?” I asked breathlessly.

“He knows it was arson. Thanks to you, you dumb-ass. Why did you havta kick in the back door. Dude said at first they just thought it was the air conditioner—they were gonna go with that, but then he saw that SOME MORON had kicked in the back door. Why the fuck did you do THAT?!”

“I don’t know Sister. I don’t know. Maybe because I did not want it to look like an ‘inside’ job. I did let myself in with your key. I guess that was what I was thinking.”

“Electrical fires in ancient buildings are common. Ever think of that?”

“No.”

“Next time, think of that.”

“Look Sis, this will all blow over.”

“He said he would find out who did this. He was suspicious of me even. I heard it in his voice. Shit!”

“Do you still have all the shit you stole before I torched the joint?”

“Yes.”

“Get rid of it. Shit-can it. Or give it all to me. I’ll make it disappear. Now c’mere.”

I held her in my arms and told her not to fret. If it came down to it, I would take the fall.  We both knew things were gonna get brighter and be OK.

***

Ooh Child – Performed By An international Musical Collective

(‘Scrool’ Down a Mite)

I love The Red-Head, The Girl one! Must I explain Every Obvious Thing?) Skit! I give! Go Get Wrecked! But Y’all Knew this Already

I am giving up on this post. Do What You fucking Will.

I am way past the point of Giving a Shit

GOOD LUCK TO aLL yOU yOUNG’UNS

(I am on the Back Nine of Life)

You’re Just Now tee’ing Off!

Make it Good!

“Dead Solid Perfect”

(Esoteric Larry McMurtry Book Ref–Look it up)

Ooh Child – Performed By An international Musical Collective

Vid Share Cred: bikfoot

****

I kissed her hair and told her I loved her.

She said she knew and thank you.

END

****

Author’s Footnote:

Nothing ever came of their ‘Investigation’ except burnt up blue jeans ash. They gave up and filed it away. And Maddy and I lived happily ever – after

(And we never conspired to burn down another building)

All the buildings I burned down down hence, I did solo.

****

I MISS HER SO FUCKING MUCH!

THIS IS TEARING ME APART AT THE SEAMS!

I need to Find a Way To Let Her Go

Let ME Go!

Let Me Off The Hook!

I Shoulda BEEN There!

Where the FUCK Was I???

I have no I Idea, but I know Where I wasn’t:

With Her!

Where I should Have Been!

Goddamn it!

Nightcore – iNSaNiTY

Street Cred for Vid: Zen – Kun

****

Previously:

^^^

Bonus On Us:

Lagertha || Queen Of Shield (Vikings)

Vid Cred: violentbilberry