I Am, Pre-Dispos’d-Suppose’d, Genetically  Speaking , To Be Left-Handed.

What I mean is

All Male Marcom Chiles

Are Lefties

“Left-Handed”

Not I. Not Really. I’m A Half-Breed. A Mongrel..

I  Am A Switch-Hitter: A Baseball Coach’s  Dream

Here is the Deal, For Real

Certainly, I can Swing Both Ways (Get Your Mind Outta My Gutter)

I Can kick a Football With Either Foot.

I Can Write My Name With Either Hand.

But It All Falls Apart

When it comes to eating food

And Right Meow, I have arthritis  in my Eatin’ Paw

Shit!

I  am gonna Starve to Death!

I mustered the troops for assistance

Top Sarge asked, “Who we gonna attack?”

I replied, “That bowl of Ramen.”

“Sorry Sir, them Jap noodles. We ain’t at war with them Japs no mas.”

I said, “This is a Direct Order Marine! Do it! Do it now!”

“No can do Sir. Violates that ‘Nevah Convention.”

“Pretend like it’s 1944”

“No can do Sir. Sorry Sir.”

“Well Shit then! What good are you?! Screw it! Dismissed!

“Thank you Sir.”

Unless I can Find Some Good-Hearted Woman Willin’ to Feed Me, I’m properly fukked.

None come immediately to my Mind at Present

In Short:

I am Properly Screwed.

I attempted to eat some more. Most of the Ramen ended up on the floor. Good for the roaches, bad for me. Quite certain they will be throwin’ a Party in Honor of Me.

There Is A Positive Note Though:

I have Always Been  A “Two-Fisted Drinker

Now I just Have to  Drink Faster.

No Prob—I Got This.

I Can always drink left-handed, and if not, I’ll just use a fricken straw, but generally that ain’t necessary. And I’m fresh outta straws at present. It is all about motivation and dedication you see. Ramen don’t move me,

But booze does.

*****

Drinkin’ Problem

“They Call It A ‘Problem’; I Call It A ‘Solution'”

Cred: Midland Official

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Bonus Material:

Tom Waits – Reality is for people who can’t face drugs

******

Pancho & LEFTY