Two Missionaries Came, Un-Solicited A-Knocking, Actually Pounding, Rather Vociferously, at My Door–I Was Endeavoring to Take-A-Much-Needed Nap

Yet, I Aswered their Much needed / Heeded Call–Might Have Been a Damsel-in-Distress–For All I Knew…

Oh, Hell No!

Just two Morons!

“Oh Lord, Please Forgive Them—For They Know Not What They Do, Nor Who They Were Fukken With”

And of course I was Respectful–I am NOT a Complete Moron! Had They Been Mormons From Utah, I would have introduced them to the under-side of my boots, but these were Texans, and being same, deserved some semblance of my respect. I invited them in…

I AM Only a Half-Way Moron.

And Let Me ‘En-Lighten Y’all:

Neither One Looked Even Remotely Like Emmy Lou.

If’n They Had,

Things May have Gone Off Some-What Smoother for Them…

But, Alas.

I DID Try To Explain to These Two Idiots How Much I Respected Folks of Faith.

But I am an Atheist.

“Forever how long?” One inquired.

“Ever since I learned to read,” I responded.

Our ‘Conversation’ kinda went South after that.

FAITH:

There’s a Hallelujah on The Lips Of All Good Dyin’ Men

The High-Women

“Heaven is a Honky-Tonk”

My Relationship with ‘God’ is rather, shall we say, ‘Complicated’

Flew, Like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Right Over Their Heads…

Again, Alas. I gave Up

And then I Cordially Invited Them to Go Get Fu*kd

Emmylou!

I love You!

For You and You Alone,

I would go to Church

FAITH

Bull-Shit Department:

Cred: Carlin

****

NO! I Learned to Read

Story at Eleven

To Be Continued.

I Have Only Scratched the Surface of

This Holy Encounter

Stray Tuned

Just Who The Hell Do You Think You Are? “Mister Big Stuff? I Don’t Think so Cowboy!”

 

Thank you Abby (Wherever you are finding yourself these days)

This below was inspired by a post from a blogger I much admire: Abby of Abby Has Issues fame: writer, published author, blogger, self-described sarcastic (and inspiring–my words) You Wench/Bitch! J/K!  I LOVE You!

Jean Knight – Mr Big Stuff

**************

“Who am I?”

“Who do I Think I am? Who/What Should I be?”

Those should be a very provocative questions for all. Some ancient Greek guy once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

I am rapidly approaching my sixth decade on This Earth and have been (painfully) taking stock of all that I could call “My Life.” What good have I accomplished? What are the bad things I have done? How many ‘friends’ do I have? How many bridges have I nuked? (I generally do not ‘burn’ bridges; I have a tendency to shock and awe ‘em—obliterate ‘em)

I have put my boots on the ground on every continent except South America. What has this taught me? A lot. Did I always use this knowledge gleaned? Most definitely not.

“Who am I?”

More and more I have come to the stark realization that I must sum me up with one word:

‘Asshole’

I am an asshole. I don’t want to be an asshole, pompous ass, arrogant ass, the smartest ass in the room, (which I obviously am… maybe once in ten or twenty tries 😉 )

I do not want to be any kind of ass, but that is my reality. I have made some friendships during my life which should have lasted forever, but didn’t: Mostly from my neglect. I have had some wonderfully loving relations with women, and actually married four of them.

Each one of those relationships should have been a lasting euphoria, but I did not, could not, would not, allow that.

Wanderlust always took me away, eventually needing to ‘get outta town’, but with no malice, just gotta go…

‘This is the part where the cowboy rides away’–find some elusive spot half-way across the globe where I could ‘find’ ME, unencumbered by people who ‘love’ me and think they can help me.

Not sure if I have ‘found me’ yet. And this is disconcerting, ‘cause I do fear the time for that is growing shorter. Writing helps, but I continue to struggle with:

“Who am I?”

I still don’t know.

As Abby broached the subject:

“How would you answer the question?”

Run with it, and drop in to read Abby: (and tell her I sent ya–I could use the publicity and btw, this link actually works)

Cheers Y’all and Happy Monday.

Texans For Kinky UNITE!

Now, for all y’all Texans out there in Radio Land, this Man needs no introduction: The Once and Future Guv of Texas, Kinky Friedman and his Texas Jewboys Band:

He’s just an asshole, but dammit! He’s our Asshole an’ we love him.

***

And I’m A Proud Texan ASSHOLE!

Fer the res’ of all y’all who were unlucky enuff to not be born’d in This-Great-Land, Way’ll, Please watch an’ enjoy.

An’ lemme say this by way of dis’claimering: Kinky ain’t no race-ist (Hell! He drives a pickup truck, not a Ferrari) agin’ Meskins. He is all over tongue-n-cheek an’ pokes fun at all o’ y’all Texicans. Most even at me.

Kinky Fer President in ‘16!

Feel Me?

I love all y’all (even all y’all Yankees)

Peace Out,

Y’all’s Lance-ikin

“Aren’t you scared the Lord will hit you with a light-en-ing bolt?”

“I figger if he did, He’d know what He was doin’. I’d just ride it wherever it took me.”

–Dave Gardner

(“Me no Alamo”)

*************

“According to Texas legend, in 1836, when Sam Houston, master of the strategic retreat,

220px-Sam_Houston_by_Mathew_Brady

The Raven

and the Texan Army finally allowed Santa Anna and the Mexicans to catch up with them, the Texans waded into the sleeping Mexicans at San Jacinto, yelling, “Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad!” while filleting Mexicans left and right with their bayonets. The panicked Mexicans tried to scramble away, screaming, “Me no Alamo, me no Goliad!” It has come to mean, “Hey, don’t blame me. I didn’t do it.”

“All the stuff I report in this book happened. I didn’t make up any of it.”

“Me no Alamo.”

–Molly Ivins

From her wonderful book: “Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?”

Molly

Molly

Read it.

And Weep.

And laugh

Yer Ass Off

I’m At Least A Thousand Miles From N-Where’s–Ville. Nicce Climit! Wanna Join Me?

I’m ‘A’-Tryin’ Really Hard To Be Happy! & Up_Beat & Remain Positive! Obviously This Will Be A WIP! ‘Work-in-I Digress-Progress!’

Wish Me Luck in My Endeavor!! — And, I’m a-Tryin’ Really Hard to Entertain Y’alls! & NEVah, Evarh, Wanna Waste Yer Finite, Valuable To Me, Spent on Me. Time. This is “Me” in All Truthful Sincerity!

I’m Stupid!

I Cannot Help It

I Just Act Naturally!

****

Buck!

Buck It Up!

Fuk It It Up!

Yuk Yuk Yuk

It Up! Fuk U

I Don’t Really Mean Mean Mean to be Mean!

But I Am An Ass-Hole,

By Natural Nature…

Why is this Vid So fucked up?

Why post a Fukked-up Vid???

DangerousDonRich???

Why????

Edit Asshole!

Edit B4 You Post!

Or At Least,

Revisit & Fix Your Shit!

Show Some Respect

For Your Readers!

Try it!

U Might Like it!

Cred For Vid: DangerousDonRich

“Oh My God—What’s Happening To Me?!!”

Dwight Jok’em!

I am so Fukkin’ far Removed

From

No-Where,

That I Cannot Find My Ass with Both Hands

******

I’ve Got Bruisings On My Memories

Ain’t That a G’Damn Shame?!

I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
Time don’t matter to me
‘Cause I’m a thousand miles from nowhere
And there’s no place I want to be

Cred: Warner Music Nashville

I Cast Pearls at At At Swine!

All The Time!

For No Dimes!

(J/K)

I Lub All Y’alls!

All the Y’alls!

I am So

Fukking

Sorry!

But I Love Connie!

*****

Do NOT Watch This One Below!

It is Depression!

Manifester’d

(On Steroids!)

****

Try To….

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive –

Bing Crosby

With The Andrews Sisters:

If It Has Escaped Your Attention:

Please allow Me To Refresh Your Memory!

I Love The Andrews Sisters!

1942 Andrews Sisters – Don’t Sit Under the Apple Tree

vID cRED: Bleiddwen Lupin

What????

Say What?!

This is RELLY IRIATATIN!

I CANNOT FIND THE VID! I Wanted To Care & Share!

(OK! Found It! Fuk U Internet!)

I’ll Always Out-Last Your Dumb Ass!

Boogie Wookie~ Get Funky!

***

I LOVE THESE BROADS!!

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THEM

:::

Creds for “Positive” Vid: beyoncetyratina

*****

I LOVE MY COUNTRY

My AmeriKa!

I REALLY DO!



Aw-Right Y’all!

Yuk it Up!

Sisters!

I did NOT Have

A White Christmas!

That Would’ve Been

Racist!

I did Dream of One Though

But All I really Wanted To

Do

Was Not Run Out of Rum

“Lord Help The Mister That Comes Between me And My Sister”

******************

Sister Act!

The End!

But….

In The end…

Oh yeah, all right
Are you going to be in my dreams
Tonight?

And in the end
The love you take

(Fake?)
Is equal to the love you make

*****

Yeah! In The End!

Yer Fukked!

Properly!!

With

No

Property

I have Been In – Love With Natalie Wood

For All

My Adolescence

AnD

ADULT

LIFE!

This Property Is Condemned 

(As Am I)

“Are You gonna Be In My Dreams tonight?”

Fuk Yes!

Natalie!

For All Of The Rest of My Un=Nat-at-yer-All Life!

Natalie! Please Always Remain In My Dreams!

My Dear Beautiful Dream Girl

My Dream Lover

Bobby!

You Stole My Line!

(Asshole!)

I Coulda Been a Contender!

For Her

For Her Affections!

But, Oh Hell No!

You Had To Screw That Up For Me!

(Oh & Fuk You Too Robert Redford!)

*****

Bobby! You Can Kiss My Ass!

*****

Beatles!?

Huh?

*****

I Coin a Phrase,

In A Daze!

I am So Fukking Stupid!

I Should Just Fuffin’ KIll Myself!

Maybe I shall!

Do Y’all A Solid

Suicide Is Painless

It Brings On

Many Changes 

****

“Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I
realize and I can see

That Suicide is Painless!

^^^

Bonus!

Just to Cheer You The Fuk Up!

“Oh Happy Dagger!”

Just Who Do You Think You Are? I Miss Reading “Abby Has Issues”–Wonder Where She Went? Anybody Know? If Yes, Hip Me

Found Her!

Rather dated, but none-the-less

https://abbyhasissues.com/2017/07/10/the-ten-commandments-of-grocery-shopping/

This below was inspired by a post from a blogger I much admire: Abby of Abby Has Issues fame: writer, published author, blogger, self-described sarcastic (and inspiring–my words) wench.

Ed. note June 2021: The link to Abby provides nothing. She musta left town. I can certainly relate.

Thank you Abby (Wherever you are finding yourself these days)

**************

“Who am I?”

“Who do I Think I am? Who/What Should I be?”

Just whodo U think u Are?

(Yes! I am redundant–Sue me–Good Luck With That)

Those should be a very provocative questions for all. Some ancient Greek guy once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

I am rapidly approaching my sixth decade on This Earth and have been (painfully) taking stock of all that I could call “My Life.” What good have I accomplished? What are the bad things I have done? How many ‘friends’ do I have? How many bridges have I nuked? (I generally do not ‘burn’ bridges; I have a tendency to shock and awe ‘em—obliterate ‘em)

I have put my boots on the ground on every continent except South America. What has this taught me? A lot. Did I always use this knowledge gleaned? Most definitely not.

“Who am I?”

More and more I have come to the stark realization that I must sum me up with one word:

‘Asshole’

I am an asshole. I don’t want to be an asshole, pompous ass, arrogant ass, the smartest ass in the room, (which I obviously am… maybe once in ten or twenty tries 😉 )

I do not want to be any kind of ass, but that is my reality. I have made some friendships during my life which should have lasted forever, but didn’t: Mostly from my neglect. I have had some wonderfully loving relations with women, and actually married four of them.

Each one of those relationships should have been a lasting euphoria, but I did not, could not, would not, allow that.

Wanderlust always took me away, eventually needing to ‘get outta town’, but with no malice, just gotta go…

‘This is the part where the cowboy rides away’–find some elusive spot half-way across the globe where I could ‘find’ ME, unencumbered by people who ‘love’ me and think they can ‘fix’ me.

Not sure if I have ‘found me’ yet. And this is disconcerting, ‘cause I do fear the time for that is growing shorter. Writing helps, but I continue to struggle with:

“Who am I?”

I still don’t know.

As Abby broached the subject:

“How would you answer the question?”

Run with it, and drop in to read Abby: (and tell her I sent ya–I could use the publicity and btw, this link actually works)

Cheers Y’all and Happy Monday.

 

“That’s what you get for givin’ a fuck when you shouldn’t be givin’ a fuck”

The Wire Season 1 Trailer  by JPB

 

Ukraine! Ukraine! Ukraine! So Brave Ukraine!

Fuk Scootin’ Putin!

I am so heart-sick!

Mother*Fu*k You PuTin!

The Most Brave Ukrainians are fighting their asses off

I wish there was more I could do to help

I once was a Sailor/Warrior/Almost SEAL

Now I am Nothing

Just an Old Mean Impotent Gas-Bag Curmudgeon

With Attitude

A Mockery of my Former Life.

And Living Out My Meaningless Life

G’Dammmit!

War / We Don’t Need No More Trouble

(Uncle Bob Live At The Rainbow Theatre, London / 1977)

War!

Evevr’y Where There is WAR

Why?

Why??

Why???

(Why Not? — We gots Nothing Better to DO

“Totally ‘Down-Stroyed'”– I LOVe a Good Play-on-Words!’

My ‘Editing’ sucks–Sorry.

****

“Everywhere is War”

Why?

(I’m Not Really A Liberal–I Just Play One On the Internet)

And Yes!

I Have Spent A Lot Of Time In Africa

Specically

Mombasa

&

Nairobi

Cred: Unc/e Bob Marley & The I-Threes

Yeah

I Read This Book

Thrice